It Feels Like This

Hermione Potter

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 21/07/2009
Last Updated: 20/01/2010
Status: completed

The staircase scene from Harry's point of view. [Now turned multi-chaptered]

Chapters

1. It Feels Like This

2. How Does It Feel?

3. As Friends

4. Cormac At Bay

5. And I Did Nothing

1. It Feels Like This

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Harry Potter. That would belong to JKR. And I don't own the rights to the familiar staircase scene from the sixth movie, though it was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever watched.

A/N: A short one-shot in Harry's POV.

It Feels Like This

by Hermione Potter

“You really shouldn't have done it.” Her voice chimed to the left of me. It was odd how I could hear her over the chanting of `Weasley' from the rest of the Gryffindors.

Ron was brilliant on that broom out there. I was really proud of what he had done and he thought he honestly needed me to help. What a load of rubbish that was.

I couldn't help but keep the smirk off my face. Hermione was so suspicious of me. “I know.” I turned to her and grinned. “I suppose I could have just used the Confundus charm.”

That's when she gave me the look. Like I was too dimwitted to see what she'd done that day during trials. Ron was on a bit of luck that day with how he handled that Quaffle, but Cormac had the skill. I knew he would have never missed that last goal. If Hermione wanted to be inconspicuous, she really should have tried a bit harder.

“Th-That was different. That was try-outs. This was an actual game,” she chastised.

Oh, Hermione. I knew she was trying to help him. Surely, I knew it was out of the goodness of her heart and I would have done the same if she hadn't got to it first. But I found myself looking at her and reaching into my shirt pocket. After gripping the small vial, I immediately felt the weight of the potion before pulling it out and holding it up to her eyes.

The bottle was full.

And I'll never forget the way her eyes widened in surprise. She really thought that I had slipped Felix Felicis into Ron's pumpkin juice. It was the perfect plan. Hermione would have never forgiven me if I honestly did. All Ron needed was the illusion that he had a great bunch of luck on his side. Like the cliché saying, he just needed to believe in himself.

“You didn't put it in,” her tone was surprised. “Ron only thought you did.” I nodded at her assumption and tucked the bottle back into my pocket before turning to watch Ron glowing with pride. He needed a bit of this. I knew since fourth year that our friendship was never the same after he sought out to believe I was the one who put my name in the Goblet of Fire. Even though we were still friends now, I knew he felt like he was in my shadow.

I was glad he had this moment for himself. And for once, I stood in the crowd, unnoticed and utterly normal.

It felt absolutely brilliant.

Watching Ron receive his name chanting with the greatest of confidence, a grin found its way on my face when Lavender Brown managed to pull him to her and give him a full-blown snog right in front of the Common Room. I was happy for him.

Turning to look at Hermione, I saw no one standing there but a bunch of Gryffindors. My heart sunk for a moment as I looked past them. She must have left.

Looking back at Ron for a moment, I think he had everything under control.

In all honesty, I didn't really mind missing Lavender pushing her tongue down his throat.

Pushing past the crowd, I ended in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor Common Room. It was dim out, the few candles that burned were slowly fading by now. Shutting the portrait behind me, my eyes scanned the hall.

Where had she gone?

And by a miracle of Merlin's staff, I heard the faint sound of sniffling.

Swallowing hard, I slowly stumbled toward one of the staircases that led to a stone terrace.

I could see her shoulders shaking. I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to do.

Coming down the stairs, I didn't seem as subtle as I could be as she turned to look at me before she wiped her eyes.

Getting closer, my ears peaked at the sound of birds chirping. It was no surprise as a small bunch of birds were circling above Hermione.

“Ch-Charm spell. Just practicing,” she managed, looking down at her hands.

I stood there looking like a completely idiot. I was horrible with girls.

Glancing up at the fluttering birds, I looked back down at her. “Well, they're really good.”

What was that? I should have been kicked.

Sitting down beside her on the steps, my arms managed to rest on my knees and I could feel her trying to regain her composure.

I didn't expect her to say what she was about to say.

“Ho-How does it feel, Harry?” She let a shaky breath out. “When…you see Dean with Ginny?”

Looking at her with surprise, I didn't think anyone really knew. Surely, I managed to see that Ginny had grown to be a lovely witch. Funny, smart, attractive. Nice skin. I hadn't really had that much of a conversation with her though. We barely had many moments together for anyone to realize that there was something going on. Though, I shouldn't be surprised. Hermione noticed everything.

“Oh..Uhm-“

“I know. I see the way you look at her. You're my best friend,” she whispered, turning to look at me.

So that was it. Ron would have never noticed anything like that unless I told him. And Ginny was his sister. I wasn't about to go and say anything to him about it. Not yet at least. But Hermione…

Hermione knew everything about me. And I hated the fact that sometimes I took her friendship for granted. I remember when she started saying Voldemort because she knew how tired I was about people being afraid to say his name. Here I was, being a much lesser friend than I could possibly be.

And I hated the fact that until now, I didn't realize how pretty Hermione's own eyes were. We had never been rather close, physically. Surely we had our hugs and our talks close together, but I never had the decency to give her a good look. They were a lovely shade of brown. Much lighter, compared to Ginny's. And they had flecks of….it seemed as though they were gold and green flecks.

A sudden burst of high-pitched giggled tore my eyes away from her own to see Ron walking into the room, Lavender skipping beside him. They quickly halted when they saw the both of us.

Looking down at my shoes, I could feel Hermione's resolve breaking.

“Oops!” Lavender chimed. “I think this room's taken.”

Lavender's footsteps disappeared from the room and Ron stood there like the oblivious wizard he was.

And all I wanted to do was kick his arse.

“What's with the birds?” He laughed.

Hermione stood to her feet, her eyes boring into Ron's own form.

She never needed my help when it came to getting back at Ron. “Oppugno.”

I barely heard her say it, but I managed to watch as the birds that were fluttering above us quickly dove toward Ron, causing him to run to the door. He ducked and managed to make the birds disappear as they slammed into the door, their feathers slowly falling to the ground.

He looked at Hermione for a mere moment before leaving.

I could hear her let out a strangled sob.

She sunk back down beside me and I realized the only thing I could really do was sit there and let her cry.

Shifting closer to her, her hand came to pull my arm. The next moment, her head fell to my shoulder and she gripped one of my hands. Placing it on her leg, I squeezed to tell her that it was all right. It was the only thing I could do as I felt her tears dampening my shirt. Giving a shaky sigh, my other hand reached and gripped her arm, rubbing it reassuringly.

I hadn't noticed till now that maybe she could have feelings for Ron. It surely was something that I was aware of though. Her reaction clenched it for me, though. In the back of my mind, I could see the two together, snogging and hugging.

And I felt so very alone.

I stiffened for a moment. Surely, I couldn't think of Hermione like that. Like she said, we were best friends.

But the nagging thought of her with Ron made my hairs stand.

Her previous question hovered over me. How did it feel when I saw Dean with Ginny? I felt absolutely jealous. That maybe it was supposed to be me she looked at like that. Dean wasn't good enough for her, but I wasn't either.

However, that was nothing compared to the way I felt when Hermione and Ron looked at one another moment ago. The way she looked so broken up about him and Lavender.

That he had precedence over me somewhere in her heart.

Taking a slow breath, I leaned my cheek against her hair. “It feels like this.”

A/N: Give me your thoughts. :] Review, please.

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2. How Does It Feel?

Disclaimer: Refer to chapter one.

A/N: So I've decided to turn this into a multiple-chapter story. :] This is the staircase scene in Hermione's POV. I gave her a very feminine-like personality because under all that bravery, courageousness, and absolutely brilliance, she's a girl just like the rest of us, afraid to get her heart broken. I, also know I haven't updated Book Seven: Deathly Hallows nor The Proposal, but upon seeing HP6, I really needed to do this.

How Does It Feel?
by Hermione Potter

“You really shouldn't have done it,” I chimed, glancing at him. I was a bit taken back by the noise that the other Gryffindors were making, but at least I could hear my own thoughts. I was a bit mad at Harry for what he did. But maybe that was because this followed after my desire to help Ron achieve Keeper position. I admit, I felt a bit guilty about since I've never approved of added help that wasn't allowed.

This was an entirely different situation. Even though Ron looked incredibly happy standing there as the other students cheered his name, boosting his ego up tremendously. Harry knew though. He knew that Ron needed some of the gratification.

“I know. I suppose I could have used the Confundus charm.” My eyes widened. He knew. I could have sworn I was discreet when I used the charm to help Ron. Cormac was a bit too showy as it was. And don't think I didn't notice those leering looks he was giving me. It was one of the reasons I wanted to help Ron. I mean, flattery is one thing. What Cormac was thinking of was clearly much more than flattery. It was downright ghastly.

“Th-That was different. Tat was try-outs. This was an actual game,” I found my voice again as I glanced at him. He was already smirking at me, but I'm sure it would have dropped. They were after all, completely different playing elements. I would have never helped Ron during a game. That's like cheating on an exam.

For a moment, Harry reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the familiar bottle. I stopped breathing when I noticed that it wasn't empty. It was still filled to the top. He hadn't given the potion to him after all.

“You didn't put it in,” my gaze fell on Ron. “he only thought you did.” I should have known better. Felix Felicis would have made a more prominent reaction from Ron. And all it was, was his confidence based on the fact that he thought he would be on a potion. Harry was bloody smart and I underestimated him.

Gazing at Ron, I let out a soft sigh. It wasn't like I had forgotten what he had done to Harry in fourth year. We both knew that his friendship with Harry was never the same after he thought Harry wanted more fame. I wasn't stupid. I saw the way Ron always envied Harry. How his family treated Harry when he would stay their for holidays. I thought Ron was being selfish. It wasn't as if Harry asked for any of this.

However, all of that seemed to erase from my mind when I watched what had unfolded. It was all in painstakingly slow motion. Lavender Brown, in all her giggling and obnoxious glory, pulled Ron to her and snogged the bloody lights out of him.

Merlin, was I not even good enough for Ron?

Breathing heavily, I pulled away and pushed through the bunch of students that were now cheering for Ron's snogging session with Lavender.

Clenching my eyes shut, I felt my feet carry me down the steps of the Gryffindor Tower. Slumping on the steps, I tried so hard to not cry.

Everyone thinks I'm strong. That I'm fearless Hermione Jane Granger.

Well, I'm not.

“Avis.” Raising my wand, a small flock of birds appeared, circling above.

That's what I was good for. Perfecting spells and charms. No one knew how I really felt. Merlin.

It's not that I'm not happy for Ron. I'm thrilled for him. He's always wanted to play Quidditch and have some popularity. I'm glad he had that all. But did that really mean I had to accept the fact that I couldn't even get him to look at me how I want to be looked at?

You see, Harry's never looked at me as more than a friend. Then I turned to Ron. I know it's cruel. That I should consider Ron second best. It's one of his fears - Ron's. I wish it hadn't happened like that. He gave me no choice though! He was so swayed by Cho's beauty that I had never stood a chance. And then Viktor found an interest in me which turned into Ron being jealous of Viktor. And Harry? He was just trying not to die in the Tournament.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I wiped my tears on my sleeve and tried to look like I wasn't crying. It failed.

Turning slightly, I was a bit caught off guard that Harry was standing there, looking absolutely awkward. Glancing up at the birds still circling, I looked away. “Ch-Charm spell. Just practicing.”

It was a horrid excuse and he could tell I was crying.

“Well, they're really good.”

No matter what, Harry's been able to make me smile. It didn't take much for him to do so. Even if he failed horribly. His technique to calm a girl down was horrendous, but incredibly endearing.

Feeling him sit down beside me, I couldn't bear to look at him. He'd always seen me as someone who stayed calm in a situation.

What made it worse was that he only came here was because I was his friend.

“Ho-How does it feel, Harry? When…you see Dean with Ginny?” It wasn't like I hadn't noticed the way he looked at Ginny. When the two shared that hug at the Burrow, it was so obvious there was built up tension. My question was, when did it all happen? Had he admired her in Dumbledore's Army? When had he had time to move on so quickly from Cho?

I felt myself almost laughing. Surely, Ginny did have the whole package. She was pretty, smart, athletic, and came from a lovely family. Why wouldn't Harry like her? And most of all, she could have probably offered the most normal of futures for Harry. That was what he wanted, wasn't it?

“Oh...Uhm-“

“I know. I see the way you look at her. You're my best friend,” I finally looked at him. Merlin, I loved his eyes. I really did. It wasn't that they were mesmerizing or their colors were like two pools of endless green. No. His eyes told so many emotions at once. It was one of his downfalls when dealing with Voldemort. Harry could never hold his emotions back. He always seemed to have something raging in his eyes.

It was one of the reasons I fell for him. But I know I could never be more than a best friend to Harry. He had made that obvious with the looks he shared with Ginny. I was deathly afraid that once the war was over and I wasn't needed for my book smarts or cleverness, Ginny would take my place as the main girl beside Ron and Harry.

Silly, I know.

If Ginny and Harry ended up together, that left Ron and me. Mrs. Weasley would love that, I'm sure. One perfect little family. Only one problem.

I didn't want to be left with Ron. Mean as it sounds, I don't want to have all my choices beaten to a pulp. I've always wanted a chance with Harry. There was a slim chance of that now. Surely, he knew that I had feelings for Ron after my little departure there.

As Harry opened his mouth, the absurdity that was Lavender's screeching laughter pierced my eardrums. Turning to see her skipping merrily along side Ron, I wanted to desperately hex the both of them. Didn't Ron know that maybe, just maybe I was supposed to be an important girl to someone? If not Harry, then maybe Ron?

Of course not. He wasn't the brightest Lumos in the bunch.

“Oops!” Lavender giggled. “I think this room's taken.” She quickly skipped from the room, Ron standing there like an idiot, expecting something out of me.

“What's with the birds?” He laughed.

That was it?

I don't know why I should have expected more.

Standing up and glaring at him, I just wanted him to know how hurt I was. And like always, I needed to demonstrate it.

“Opuggno.”

Keeping my eyes steady on him, I watched as the birds that hovered us darted in Ron's direction, trying to attack. To my dismay, he avoided them, halting at the door.

He finally knew how mad I was. But that wouldn't change things.

As he left, I felt my heart breaking. It wasn't because he was parading around with that witch. It was the fact that while Ron was with Lavender, Harry would probably have Ginny after the war.

Where did that leave me?

Sinking down to sit, I could feel Harry shift beside me, his body growing closer. I didn't care if I was breaking boundaries. The moment I felt his arm brush against mine, I gripped it, wrapping my own arm around his. The weight of his arm settled against my leg and my head fell on his shoulder, grateful he knew how much I did need someone to lean on for once.

My heart skipped a beat when I felt him take my hand for a moment before his other caress my arm, rubbing soothingly.

Immediately, I knew that my crying was making his shirt wet.

Harry always surprised me.

After a few shaky breaths from him, my breath literally stopped.

“It feels like this.”

What did that mean?

A/N: This isn't the end. :] Review, please.

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3. As Friends

Disclaimer: Refer to chapter one.

A/N: Here is chapter three of my little fic that will be finished pretty soon! :] This is the whole section of Slughorn's Christmas party from the library scene to the end of Harry's little confrontation with Cormac. Told in his point-of-view. This one is much more light-hearted than the first two. :] Enjoy.

As Friends

“He has perfect levity to kiss whoever he likes,” her voice tightened as she said every word. From aisle to aisle, she lifted the books up and I watched them levitate to their appropriate spots on the bookshelves. I wonder if the library used the Dewey Decimal System. I was quite curious about it ever since Hermione brought it up in first year. Never had the proper motivation to seek out the answer though.

“Was I under the impression he and I would be attending Slughorn's Christmas party together…Yes.” I followed after her from aisle to aisle and gave the most awkward of smiles to those who were now looking at Hermione as she spoke quite loudly. “Now…given the circumstances; I've had to make other arrangements.” I looked at her as she said this. She had already made another date?

“Ha-Have you?” I croaked, trying to sound like I was affected very much. I was planning to ask her. Now what the hell was I supposed to do while she went with someone else and I went stag? I thought dating was supposed to be easy for men.

“Yes. Why?” She placed the last book in its proper place before finding herself leaning against the table, facing me. She wasn't so close to where I stood, but I could see the sprinkle of freckles on her nose from how the light was hitting her.

Shaking my head vigorously, I gave a sigh. “I just thought…” I looked at her. “seeing as neither of us can go with the person we'd really like to….we should go together.” I have no idea why I needed to address that last part. Seeing the look on her face, I hastily added, “as friends.”

Her doe-like eyes widened and I couldn't help but inwardly cuss myself out as I kept noticing these ruddy things about her that I shouldn't have.

“Why didn't I think of that?” She asked, sounding annoyed. She was really cute when she was upset. But then again, she obviously didn't consider me as a date for the party.

My hand clamped down on the edge of the table behind me as I gave her a nonchalant glance. “Who are you going with?”

“Uhm, it's a surprise.”

Why did women need to be so bloody vague like that? Couldn't she just tell me?

“Anyways, it's you we've got to be worried about,” she cast a side glance. “You can't just take anyone.” In a moment, she was standing beside me, nudging her head. “You see that girl over there?” I looked over her shoulder and saw a rather pretty girl with curly black hair and a cute smile. “That's Romilda Vane. Apparently she's trying to slip you a love potion.”

I couldn't help but start grinning as Romilda looked over at me, a smile on her face. “Really?” My eyes widened, looking at Hermione. I looked back at Romilda.

And then Hermione snapped her fingers in my face.

“Hey, she's only interested in you because she thinks you're the Chosen One,” she retorted, giving me a slight glare.

This was probably one of the only reasons my bloody title was good for. “But I am the Chosen One.”

And then she hit me over the head with a newspaper.

As if I was a dog.

“O-Okay. Sorry.” I shrunk back. “Ju-Just kidding.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I looked at the floor. “I-Uhm-Uh-I'll ask someone I like.” Facing Hermione with a forced smile, I nodded. “Someone cool.”

***

Walking down the corridor of Hogwarts, I pulled my collar away from my neck, trying not to make myself overheated. The fact that I needed to dress up so nicely for this brought back grim memories of fourth year. Parvati's never forgiven me for breaking her toe.

I stopped short when I saw my date standing there. Dressed in what seemed like a shiny silicon dress, Luna Lovegood was probably the only one possible to pull it off. I had to admit though, she did look pretty the way she was standing there - all free from the constraints of reality.

Merlin, I've been around her for too long.

Coming up beside her, I gave my best of smile which she so gladly returned before making our way down to the stream of red lanterns that glowed above.

“I've never been to this part of the castle-“ I looked at her. “at least not while awake. I sleep walk you see. It's why I wear shoes to bed.” I found myself inwardly laughing at her predicament.

***

It wasn't as bad as I suppose it could have been. There were plenty of people I knew so I could talk to them without looking like a complete git. When Luna left my side, I caught a glimpse of Ginny when she came. She, like always, looked beautiful. I tried to work up the nerve to talk to her, but Professor Slughorn seemed to have other ideas as he forced me into taking photographs.

After a few moments of flashing, he gave him a hearty laugh and whisked himself away as if we never even spoke. Glancing around, I was trying to find Hermione but she was nowhere to be found. What if she was off snogging her date?

No.

Hermione would never do that.

Would she?

“Drink?”

“Neville!” I tried not to laugh once more that night as I looked at his rather waiter-looking uniform. It was completely white and had gold buttons. What made it worse was that he was wearing white gloves as well, holding a tray of flutes filled with cold apple cider.

“I didn't get into the Slug Club. It's okay, though. He's got Melvin hanging up towels in the loo room.”

“I-I'm fine, thanks.” Patting him on the arm, I turned my attention elsewhere and stopped when I saw a flurry near one of the sheer curtains of the window.

Growing overly curious, I walked over and pulled one of the curtains, letting myself in to see Hermione standing there looking distressed and disheveled.

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL.

“Hermione? What are you doing? And what happened to you?” I failed at trying to sound cool. Looking down at her, I couldn't help but notice how low the front of dress dipped and my face grew exceptionally warm while I tried to turn away. It wasn't a dress she was usually sporting to these kinds of things. It was sleeve-less and showed off her long….long…legs.

“No…I-I just escaped,” she stroked her fallen strands of her behind her ear, looking out cautiously past the sheer material of the curtain. “I left Cormac under the mistletoe.”

CORMAC?

“Cormac?” I repeated out loud. Had she really chosen to go with him while I was here full and ready to take her to the party? “That's who you invited?” I felt rather low on the chain of honorable bachelors.

“I thought he would annoy Ron the most,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

So that was her reasoning? She was doing it for Ron. Lately, it seemed she was doing a lot for him and I couldn't help but feel the familiar ache in my heart. It wasn't the kind that I experienced when I saw Dean snogging Ginny at the Three Broomsticks. It wasn't jealousy….Okay, maybe it was. But I was starting to get jealous of Ron. I mean, he had a family, he had friends, and now he had Hermione.

He was lucky, that cheeky bastard.

“He's got more tentacles than a Snarf Lulump plant,” she whispered.

Did she have to lean so close to me? I could practically smell her perfume.

Hang on a moment.

Hermione wore perfume?

No, it wasn't perfume.

Sniffing her hair instinctively, I closed my eyes and noticed she smelled like…apricots and…jasmine. Was that it?

Nevertheless, it smelled good.

“Dragon tails?” Turning to the waiter that obviously knew we were there, I looked down at the plate.

It looked rather unpleasant.

“We're fine. Thank you,” Hermione whispered, her voice worried.

“Just as well. They give one horribly bad breath.” He shrugged.

“On second thought,” Hermione grabbed the plate and began scooping some of the food with her fingers and lodging them in her oral cavities. “It might keep Cormac at bay.”

Was it wrong that I found that totally and utterly hot?

At least she didn't remotely like Cormac. Slimy git, he was.

“Oh God,” she gagged, suddenly losing her grip on the platter that I grabbed. “Here he comes,” she gasped, ducking down and slowly creeping her way out of the curtain as Cormac suddenly appeared on the other side of me.

“I think she just went to powder her nose,” I explained, looking up at the git.

I wanted to get rid of that smirk on his face.

“Slippery little minx, your friend.”

Merlin, I wanted to bash his face in right then and there.

“Nice piece of work, she is, isn't she?” He grinned, taking the platter from me and starting to gulf down the contents.

“Yeah…” Hermione was a hell of a lot more than that. I glowered at him as he kept eating.

What joy it brought me that he looked like he wasn't enjoying the food. “Wh-What's this I'm eating by the way?” He asked with his mouth full.

I smirked.

“Dragon balls.”

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. :] Review, please.

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4. Cormac At Bay

Disclaimer: Refer to chapter one.

A/N: Chapter four is here! And it is Hermione's point-of-view of Slughorn's Christmas party. I hope you enjoy. Once more, this is not the last chapter.

Cormac At Bay

“He has perfect levity to kiss whoever he likes,” I found myself explaining with a tight voice as my feet carried me from aisle to aisle. I could feel Harry shuffling behind me as if he was trying to keep up. Although, I do believe I was moving fairly fast for someone who was simply dropping off the rest of the books. While each of the books levitated to their rightful spots on the shelves, my feet made firm contact with the floor, bringing more than the attention I was probably getting from my loud talking.

“Was I under the impression he and I would be attending Slughorn's Christmas party together…Yes.” Why on earth did I think that Ron and I would be going together? We'd never spoken about it so why did I assume? I mean, surely Harry would try to get the date with Ginny…

“Now…given the circumstances; I've had to make other arrangements.” Leaning against one of the desks of an empty aisle, I curved my hands around the edge of the desk, looking at Harry who stood across from me. The thought of going to the party with Cormac made my stomach churn in ways that I didn't want to think about. Looking over at Harry, I blinked. He looked rather pale.

“Ha-Have you?” He managed, his eyes trailing away from mine. No, why did you do that Harry? Why won't you look me in the eye?

“Yes. Why?” I frowned, tilting my head to the side to catch his glance.

He sighed and shook his head - making those adorable pointed hair strands flail about. I'm sure that he had gotten that from his father. Merlin, he was so cute. “I just thought…seeing as neither of us can go with the person we'd really like to…we should go together.”

My heart seemed to skip a beat at his suggestion. Was he asking me as his date? Good Godric, I had wanted him to ask me to the Yule Ball in fourth year, but he never asked me. The thought gave me a sudden sadness as then was more so concentrated on the pretty face of Cho Chang and her…shiny, manageable hair.

“As friends.”

Oh. As friends. The words of death to any kind of romantic affiliation. That was silly of me. Of course Harry wouldn't want to go on a date with me when he's got his eye on Ginny. But regardless of that, why wasn't I intelligent enough to come up with the idea? It would probably the closest I could be close to Harry for one night. Damn Cormac. Fuck Ron.

“Why didn't I think of that?” I laughed inwardly. It wasn't that I had never considered Harry in the process of elimination for a date, but it never crossed my mind that it could really work. I mean, we were just friends. And it seemed that Harry really seemed determined to find a date with Ginny despite the little display of affection on Ginny's part toward Dean.

It wasn't like Ginny had never spilled her endless secrets to me when it came to Harry. Every time she spoke about him, she always fawned over his green eyes, his ability to play Quidditch, and the fact that he was a brilliant hero.

Was he just that to her?

He was so much more than that.

At least to me.

“Who are you going with?”

Looking at him, my eyes blinked. Oh, crap. I knew Harry would be flabbergasted if I told him. But I didn't want anyone to know yet. I would never hear the end of it from Harry. And he would go and ruin it when he told Ron. “Uhm, it's a surprise.” Codswallop.

“Anyways, it's you we've got to be worried about. You can't just take anyone.”My eyes cast a glance down the aisle to see that sorry excuse of a Gryffindor making eyes at Harry. Merlin, he wasn't a side of beef. Tilting my head in her direction, I gazed at Harry. “You see that girl over there? That's Romilda Vane. Apparently she's trying to slip you a love potion.” What a ghastly idea.

“Really?” Wait, what? Did he sound excited about it? Did he really want her to slip him a love potion? Where the bloody hell did that come from?

Snapping my fingers in his face, I brought his attention back. “Hey, she's only interested in you because she thinks you're the Chosen One.”

Then a stupid grin found its way to his face. “But I am the Chosen One.”

Without even a second's hesitation, the rolled Daily Prophet in my grip smacked into his head, the crinkling of the newsprint making the abuse evident.

“O-Okay. Sorry. Ju-Just kidding,” he laughed nervously. “I-Uhm-Uh-I'll ask someone I like.” He nodded confidently. “Someone cool.”

Shaking my head, I hoped that there would be some hope for him.

***

Bloody fucking hell.

Surely, I condone Ron for swearing so much, but I can't help it. It needs to be said and if it's said silently there's surely no problem with that, right? And this was the perfect opportunity to cuss silently.

Cormac McLaggen had nothing on his mind besides what I'm wearing beneath my dress or how he could corner me into a bloody snog.

Sighing to myself, I didn't think I could be having a more miserable time - even if I was here with Draco Malfoy. The thought makes me shudder. Tipping back my flute glass of cider, it seemed to surprise Cormac that I downed the whole thing with one gulp. Letting out a large sigh, my eyes wandered around the room to immediately land on Harry. Blinking, I thought my eyes had deceived me. Was that Luna Lovegood beside him?

Of course it was. No one would have the nerve or the bravery to wear the dress she wore. But somehow, she looked attractive in it. Did Harry like her as well? My thoughts were all over the place.

Unknown to me, I didn't realize that Cormac had suddenly transported us halfway across the room where several mistletoe were. My body went rigid when I felt one of his arms around my torso and his bloody hands swarming all over the back of my dress. Then it came to my hair and aggressively stroked it back, making several pieces of hair look out of place. Just as I was about to pull away, the brush of his fingertips against the side of my breast brought my anger spiraling as I stopped my heel right into his foot.

Watching him buckle over in pain, I quickly dashed away to the curtained windows where I would have some privacy - even for a moment. Breathing quickly, I ducked between the sheer curtains and closed my eyes, trying to gain a steady pace of breath. Cormac McLaggen was nothing but an arrogant, fricky, little bugger. That's all he was.

The side of the curtain swept open and for a moment I thought I was caught by him once more. To my fortunate surprise, Harry appeared. “Hermione? What are you doing? And what happened to you?” He sounded anything but calm about it. I must have looked a fright.

Trying to fix my hair, I looked away. What I must have looked to him. “No…I-I just escaped.” Looking through the curtain, I was glad that Cormac was more than preoccupied with Professor Slughorn. “I left Cormac under the mistletoe.” Glancing back at Harry, I was surprised to find his face absolutely jaw-dropped.

“Cormac? That's who you invited?” He rasped out. Blinking suddenly, I just now noticed how Harry was behaving. Was he jealous of Cormac? My face warmed at the thought of it. Initially, Cormac was made to make Ron jealous, but if Harry was…The thought made my head spin and gave my heart a bit of a flutter. But I couldn't say anything to Harry - not until I had some more hint about how he felt.

“I thought he would annoy Ron the most.” It came out without a thought and I soon regretted my choice of reasoning as Harry's face seemed to stay rigid. I could see the thoughts that were going through his mind. Despite Harry's disposition to be emotionless at times, he showed too many emotions in his lovely green eyes that gave away what he really felt. I had seen it many times when he was lying, but I never said anything. Harry would say the truth in his own time. As long as I knew what was a lie and what was the truth, I was content.

“He's got more tentacles than a Snarf Lulump plant,” my voice muttered, referring to the awful petting that Cormac was trying to ensue on me. That insensitive, low-life of a git.

If at all possible, I felt Harry grow even more rigid and still as I leaned near him. It was the first time I really got to see what he was wearing. He looked absolutely darling in his black dress robes. Were they the same ones he had gotten in fourth year? No. He would have outgrown those by now. Merlin, he was so…muscular. Damn Quidditch.

And what was that?

He smelled like….soap and pine needles. It was a rather nice smell.

“Dragon tails?”

I pulled away quickly when the waiter appeared, his hand holding a platter of what looked like to be unappetizing hors d'oeuvres.

“We're fine, thank you,” I whispered, trying to see if Cormac was anywhere near.

“Just as well. They give one horribly bad breath,” he advised, making a distasteful look.

“On second thought,” Grabbing the platter, I started snarfing down several of the little buggers to have an explosion of intense garlic and olive oil flavor. I felt my gag reflex and tried to keep it down. “It might keep Cormac at bay.”

My eyes widened when I saw the outline of Cormac heading this way. “Oh God,” I gasped, pushing the platter toward Harry. “Here he comes.” Giving him a desperate plea of help, I slowly slipped out as Cormac slipped in.

Glancing back at the outlines of Harry and Cormac, I silently thanked Harry and spat out whatever was in my mouth into a napkin, taking a slow breath. Merlin that was disgusting. Quickly grabbing another flute of cider, I gulped it down and gasped, realizing someone had spiked it firewhiskey.

Was nothing holy anymore?

Merlin's beard.

A/N: There you have chapter four. Please review. :] I start college tomorrow so my updates will be far and near and in between. :] So please be patient.

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5. And I Did Nothing

Disclaimer: Refer to chapter one.

A/N: I know it's been ages since I last posted. My break's been busy, but I hope I haven't lost anyone here! This is chapter five with Harry's account on the death of Professor Dumbledore and the final scene between Harry and Hermione on the tower. And I assure you that I have changed more than I have in the past in this chapter and then the next. You guys should enjoy it. :]

And I Did Nothing

I laid there, shivering for a few minutes as Snape and the others stalked off near Hagrid's hut. There was nothing I could do. I laid there, feeling like every fiber in my body was on fire. Snape had been the Half-Blood Prince and he was Voldemort's Death Eater. I couldn't get the look out of my eyes. Dumbledore falling off the tower after the green light enveloped him. Dumbledore trusted Snape and so did I. I had given him the benefit of the doubt after first year - after I thought he wasn't the one trying to kill me, but to save me. And what had he done now? He was ultimately who I thought he was.

The bad guy.

I turned my head and looked toward the castle. Bellatrix had cast the Dark Mark into the stormy skies, its skill wavering back and forth as the clouds hid the moon. The snake slithered around as it pulled itself through the skulls mark, making everything eerie. With the little strength I had, I got up and started toward the castle. I needed to see if there was a battle there, if Ron was hurt. If Hermione was hurt.

The steps to the castle seemed endless as I went up the hills and past the open gates and doors. The gate was knarled and curled together as if someone had taken their bare hands and broken in. The doors were half cracked or smashed. I passed the Great Hall where the glass of the windows were in millions of pieces scattered on the tables and grounds. The candles were blown out and grey smoke floated across the once-enchanted ceiling.

All the while, I felt a pulsing pain in my chest. I walked down the corridors and out to the familiar path I had walked so many times. My memory of Hermione and I running across this courtyard to save Sirius was my fondest and now it seemed that that memory was taken away.

I saw the backs of th students, standing there in shocked stances. Pushing my way through, I trotted to the front where Professor McGonagall was. Beside her, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stood looking in front of them, their expressions ashen and shocked. My eyes followed their gazes until it landed on the limp heap that was Professor Dumbledore. He laid there, his body tangled in his robes, his beard falling to one side. I swallowed hard and walked over slowly - half-expecting someone to pull me back.

No one did.

Slowly, I knelt down and looked at his pale face. His eyes wide open with no life in them made me want to retch. My shaky hand reached toward him, my fingers gently pulling his eyelids shut and his hair away from his wrinkled face. I sat on my knees and looked at him before my eyes fell on the locket beside him. Closing my hands around it, the locket felt cold in my hands. This stupid thing. None of this would have happened.

Not if I hadn't been the blasted Boy-Who-Lived.

And then I realized - it was hollow.

Once more I reached out and pressed my hand to his chest. Even through his layers of clothes, I could feel the coldness of his skin - the still beat of his heart. What was going to happen now? Dumbeldore had been the only one guiding me through this. Everything that had happened since my first year, Dumbledore had been the one to reassure me and believe in me.

I had never felt as alone as I did now.

Breathing shakily, I could feel the tears sting my eyes. Merlin, to makes things worse I was going to cry. But in the next moment, I felt someone beside me and an arm go around my back. At first touch, I hoped it would be Hermione. She'd be the only person I could calm down to. My anger coursed through me at the thought of Snape and what he had done - what little family he had taken from me.

And then I realized that the curtain of red hair was far from Hermione. I took small comfort as Ginny held onto me and the thought of holding all this shit in - all the fury I had inside me dissipated temporarily as Ginny held me. I couldn't cry in front of her - I…it felt so wrong to. But it would hurt her even more if I pushed her away now. Closing my eyes, I kept my hand on Dumbledore's chest and leaned on Ginny's arm, shielding my face so that I wouldn't show anyone I was weak.

As everyone pulled their wands to the sky in Dumbledore's honor, the flood of emotions threatened to break through it all.

I had been so wrong about everything and I couldn't take it back now.

***

Professor McGonagall's words stayed in my head as I stood upon the tower on which Dumbledore had fallen, standing beside Hermione. You meat a great deal to him.

That had only made everything worse in my mind. I had let him down. I stood there and watched as Snape killed him without mercy - looked him dead in the eye and killed him in one sweep. I could have done something. Instead, when Snape hushed me and I thought he was going to help, he betrayed me.

“Do you think he would have done it - Draco?” Hermione's voice rang through my thoughts, interrupting McGonagall's mantra. My arms were pressed against the railing of the tower, my eyes cast on the school grounds. I was silent for a while.

“No. No, he was lowering his wand.” He was a coward. “In the end it was Snape. It was always Snape. And I did nothing.” I could hear the hate in my voice for myself. Surely, Hermione heard it as well, but she didn't turn away. Instead, her body turned toward mine and I looked down at her hands. Gripped in my hand was the locket.

“It was fake. Open it.” I closed my eyes and refrained from sighing as she delicately opened it with her fingers, reaching in to pull out the small piece of parchment that was cupped inside.

“To the Dark Lord. I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I wanted you to know it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hopes that when you meet your match, you'll be mortal once more. R.A.B. R.A.B.” She looked at me then and I could see the question in her eyes.

“I don't know. But whoever they are, they have the real Horcux. It means it was all a waste. All of it,” I muttered, hearing Ron's disappearing footsteps down the spiraling staircase. Smarmy git, he could never handle bad news.

I watched Hermione play with the locket for a moment before turning back to the school grounds. “Ron's okay with it. If I were you when he's around, I'd keep the snogging to a minimum.” She managed a weak chuckle. If things were only that simple. Ginny was the last thing on my mind.

“I'm not coming back, Hermione. I've got to finish whatever Dumbledore started. And I don't know where that will lead me, but I'll let you and Ron know where I am when I can.” Leaving the two of them would be the painful part, the hard part. Not being able to see either of them or knowing that I may not even live to see them…be together was painful. I may not have even lived to see either of them happy.

“I've always admired your courage Harry. But sometimes you can be really thick,” I heard the amusement in her voice despite the situation. We looked at each other. “You really don't think you'll be able to find all those Horcruxes by yourself, do you?” I'd thought of that actually. Plenty of times. That's why I reasoned with myself that I was going to die either way. I was trying hard not to drag the two of them in. If Ron got hurt, I would have been absolutely furious.

If Hermione had gotten hurt…I wouldn't even know what to do with myself.

“You need us, Harry.”

I closed my eyes. “I can't.”

“What?” She looked at me then, confusion in her eyes.

No matter how much I wanted to stay here with Ron and Hermione, I knew I couldn't. And there was no way I would take either of them with me. Was she absolutely daft? “You're not going.”

“What do you mean I'm not going? Of course I'm going. You think I'd even let you think about leaving me here?” Hermione pressed, her eyes dark.

“I've made up my mind. I'm leaving on my own. And you can't come with. I won't let you,” I whispered, turning away.

“You can't tell me what to do. I won't let you go without me. One way or another I'm co-“

“YOU'RE. NOT. COMING.” I gritted the words through my teeth as I slammed my hands onto the railing on either side of her waist, the rusty metal digging into my palms. Heavy breathes escaped my lips as I looked down at our shoes, my gaze blurry for a moment. “If you got hurt, I don't know what I'd do Hermione.”

“Ron and I are per-“

“I know you're capable of taking care of yourselves. If Ron got hurt, I know he'd manage. But if you got hurt, I have no idea what I'm capable of. You need to understand that.” I squeezed out, my chest hurting. “Dumbledore's dead because I stood there and let it happen. I hadn't even seen it coming. Do you think I'd even for a minute consider you coming along?”

I knew my voice was wavering now. Thinking of Hermione hurt was painful. Thinking of her dead made my blood run cold.

We stood there for how long, I don't know. The moment I felt her arms sliding around my neck and pulling me toward her, I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her to me and crushed her against me.

“Oh, Harry.” She sighed, her warm breath against my ear. I always loved those two words from her mouth.

“You're so stupid,” she whispered, her fingers gliding through my messy hair. “I know the risks. I know the odds we're at here, but you have to know by now, if I was going to stand on the sidelines and wait for you, then you're wrong. Whether you want me there or not, I'll follow you anywhere.”

And that was when I realized I was crying.

I had never cried in front of anyone. When I was younger, the Dursleys locked me in my room before I could start. The last time I cried was after Sirius died and I was alone. And now it seemed that every shitty thing that's happened to me was catching up to me as Hermione held me. I would have never been able to let myself cry in front of Ginny or Ron.

“I know you're absolutely stark-crazy over Professor Dumbledore, but I can take care of myself. You really think you can get rid of me?” I heard the smile in her words. It was always like her to try to be witty at a time like this.

She pulled back and looked at me, my face probably wet and tear-stained. Her gaze was warm as it always has been, sucking me in whenever I dared to look her in the eye and like that, it felt like every emotion was pouring from me in that one look. Her fingers wiped away the spots on my face, her index finger lingering near my lips - I hadn't missed that.

“You need me.” At that, a cry was let through the air as the two of us turned to see Fawkes flying overhead, his fiery feathers melding against the pale sun. I pulled my arms away from her and leaned against the railing, my hand grasping hers.

“I do.” I looked down at the school grounds and realized that I had never seen this place look so quiet and peaceful. “You know, I never realized how beautiful this place was.”

Hermione squeezed my hand. “Yeah, me either.”

A/N: So yes! This is the second to last chapter. :] Again, I'm so sorry I haven't posted in the longest time - since August! School's been amazing, my first semester's been a blast and I hope everyone's new year is going the way they thought it would. Right now, I only have one more chapter in mind for this story, maybe two. I don't know for sure. :] But please, stay around and…

REVIEW!

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