It's That Feeling You Get

Professor Ember Kinsar

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 13/08/2003
Last Updated: 13/08/2003
Status: completed

FIXED!Harry and Hermione write a message in the other's journal totally unaware of just how well the other knows them.

Chapters

1. Messages

1. Messages

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Been trying to get this bloody thing up loaded all night. Let's hope it works.

Hermione's POV

It's that feeling you get. That whirring, rushing, take your breath away feeling. Sailing high above everything, nothing can touch you. You're off in your own little world that few people have found. You see it, what you've been searching for. And now it's time to make your move. It glitters like gold and flits back and forth beyond your reach. You're flying, faster and faster. Your heart hammers and your fingers itch to grab ahold of it, but still it just flutters out of your grasp. Quick as lightening you change your course, diving, rolling and tumbling to catch it. You could fall to your death but it would be worth it to get this almost unattainable object. Few have caught it, few will after you. You feel immortal, impervious to everything but your need and yet vulnerability is often how you win. Merlin, if only you could catch it, wrap your fingers about it and never let it go, not until you breathe your last. And then as quickly as the whirring, rushing, take your breath away feeling hits you, you catch what you've been looking for. Sweet victory, everything you could've imagined and better than you've ever dreamed. And everything you ever went through to get it, it was worth it because now you know it's yours forever and nothing can take it from you. You revel in the feeling, twine yourself with the joy of it and know there will never come a time when you regret this. Never. And I know because I see it on your face, see the concentration and nervousness. But also the joy and anticipation, like a child at Christmas. It's truly something to behold.

Hermione closed Harry's journal and sat back on her bed. She smiled as she looked out the window and wondered what Harry would think of what she had written to him. He was downstairs writing something to her as well and she was quite curious as to what it could be. They'd agreed to write these messages to each other so that they would always have the other's thoughts to keep with them when they couldn't be together. The time was coming for them to leave Hogwart's. Just yesterday they had taken their NEWTS and it was only a matter of time before they would graduate and be off on their own. It was disconcerting, even for Hogwart's Head Girl, though she knew what it was she wanted to do with her life once she left these grounds. She could only guess what Harry's desires would be, perhaps he would tell her in his letter to her.

Harry's POV

It's that feeling you get when you know you're right. That exaltation and feeling of accomplishment. Like you've done something no one else has ever done before, though you know someone must have some time before you came along. Studying the problem for hours, days, weeks and then the weeks turn into months. Before you know it you've lost all track of time as you continue to contemplate. And then you realize you've had the answer all along and you've just been making it harder than it needs to be. But then again the simple things always did elude you. You've been more into solving world changing, broken dreams kind of problems. Things that take an enormous amount of effort. Effort that for some reason you feel you need to place upon your small shoulders. Perhaps it's being friends with someone who you know could die at any moment and you'd give your very life to prevent that. And what would become of the world then if you did? It would end, because there would be no you to keep it from falling to pieces. To keep those around you from trying to kill each other or drowning in their own despair. You are more vital than you realize and I hope someday you can find that knowledge as you seem to know everything else in this world.

Harry closed Hermione's journal and looked around the empty Common Room. He briefly wondered where everyone was and then he remembered, they were still in Hogsmeade, celebrating Gryffindor's latest Quidditch win. Harry had caught the snitch in record time. And against Slytherin no less. He smiled to himself and then leaned back into the chair to watch the fire. He was startled from his reverie when someone sat in the chair next to him. It was Hermione. He turned and caught her looking at the book he held in his lap.

"Curious are you?" He smiled devilishly as she started and looked down, embarrassed at having been caught appearing so eager.

"You can't tell me you aren't just a little." She retorted.

Again that smile. "Maybe, but I figure you haven't written anything you haven't already told me. You never keep secrets Mione. Not from me anyway."

Hermione grinned at him, he was right, but she knew he would still be surprised that she had described her thoughts the way she had. Harry grinned back as they traded books and sat back to read. Harry was finished first. He had to sit for a moment, startled that Hermione could have taken all those feeling she had while playing Quidditch and placed them in such accurate, beautiful words. He was again startled when he felt Hermione throw herself into his arms. More so when he felt the dampness against his skin. She was crying. Harry pulled back and looked at her.

"Mione? Mione, what is it? What's the matter?"

Hermione hiccuped and tried to speak but another sob escaped just as she opened her mouth. She shook her head as tears continued to fall. Harry pulled her onto his lap gently and held her close to him. He couldn't help but notice how small she was. She'd never gotten very tall and her frame was slight. Especially when compared to his own 5'11" broad shouldered body. He moved her hair gently from the side of her face and whispered soothing words in her ear, taking note that she had begun using something different in her hair. It normally smelled like cherry blossoms, today, however, it held the scent of something else. It finally hit him. Cinnamon, like the color of her eyes. Finally Hermione got ahold of herself enough to turn to him and speak.

"Harry, what you wrote, you can't mean that."

Harry was confused. "Mean what Mione?"

Hermione jabbed at the book. "This, you can't mean you think the world would end without me around. I mean come on Harry, you're Harry Potter. You'd be able to save this world a hundred times over, even if I weren't here."

Harry shook his head. "Daft."

Hermione started at the statement. "Excuse me?"

"Daft. You're daft girl. Completely nutters if you think that." Hermione just stared at him. "Hermione, you are the reason I'm still alive and breathing. If it weren't for you, I'd've never have made it in to stop Quirrell. I'd've never have been able to stop the basilisk. I would've killed my Godfather."

Hermione interrupted him here. "That was Crookshanks."

"Hermione, do shut up and let me finish. You're right it was Crookshanks, but you were the one that refused to get rid of him even after all that had happened. So if it weren't for you, I probably would've killed Sirius. I know I'd never have gotten through the TriWizard Tournament without you, and I don't mean you teaching me the Accio spell. That was great, but I mean you standing by me when even Ron wouldn't. Your belief in me helped me get up and get out there. And Merlin knows I'd never have gotten through the summer before fifth year without you. Remember when you slapped me and told me I had to stop blaming myself or you'd go out and put a challenge to Voldemort yourself? I tell you, I really believed you'd do it. So I had to open my ears up to the truth. But Mione I swear, there'd be no one that could keep me from blaming myself if something happened to you. Or Ron. So believe me when I tell you you are vital to this world."

Harry stopped speaking and looked in her eyes to see if she believed him. He saw her doubt still there, knowing Hermione it would always be there so he decided to just let her process it on her own.

"Now, about what you wrote. Hermione, I'm stunned. I had no idea you had any clue what it was like for me up on the broom, looking for the snitch."

She smiled then. "How could I not Harry? It's written all over your face. From days before the match, to days after you've won it. And most especially during the match. I see it Harry, I'm not so absorbed with my books as you might think."

Harry grinned at her and she smiled back. Then she turned her back to his chest and leaned back into his body, her head resting back against his shoulder and his arms tight around her waist. They sat like this for some time before Harry once more broke the silence.

"So what are you going to do after graduation?"

Hermione smiled lazily. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

Harry laughed. "Damn. I hate it when you do that to me. All right, I've had offers from Quidditch teams from all over, even an offer to teach here at Hogwart's, but I've decided I'm going to work for the Ministry as an Auror. Your turn."

He looked at her expectantly. He was surprised when she ignored him for a moment.

"I'm going to work for them too. I mean Professor Dumbledore offered me a position here as well, but I think I can do more good working for the Ministry."

Harry nodded. "I can see it. What branch? Research, Misuse of Muggle Artifacts?"

Again he was met with silence for a moment. This one more oppressive than the last and he knew before she said it what she planned.

"I'm going in for Auror training the day after Graduation."

Harry's mouth went dry. He tried to speak, but for long moments he couldn't. He pushed Hermione off his lap and got up, pacing in front of the fire.

"Harry? Harry are you all right?"

He turned to her his green eyes blazing in the dim firelight. "Am I all right? Am I all right? I just found out that one of my best friends is about to go out into the fighting ranks to do battle with Voldemort and you ask if I'm all right!"

Hermione tried to reason with him." Ron's going out too you know."

Harry stopped pacing for a moment. "Did he know that you were going to do this?"

Hermione nodded slowly. "He was there when I got my acceptance letter."

Harry roared. "And neither one of you decided to tell me this until now?"

"You never asked until now."

Harry stared at her. "Semantics Hermione. Ron told you about him becoming an Auror. And no, I didn't know about that until now either. But with him, with him it's different."

Hermione was aghast. He couldn't mean what she thought he meant. "And why Harry, why is it so different for Ron to do this than it is for me to?"

Harry couldn't think, couldn't speak. All he could think about was Cedric lying there in the cemetery and before he knew it, Cedric had become Ron and then just as quickly had become Hermione.

"Because it just is." He answered her.

"You mean because I'm a girl and he's not." She retorted. "Because you don't think little Hermione could handle herself out there the same way Ron could."

"NO! Because I couldn't handle losing you the same way I could losing Ron. To lose Ron would be devastating. But I would get up and keep fighting for him. But if I lost you Hermione, I'd give up. I'd just lie down right there and never get up again."

Harry stalked over to the couch and sat down. Hermione stood stunned. Unable to believe what she had heard. She too walked over to the couch and sat down. She sat quietly for a moment. Her voice, though soft, almost a whisper still took Harry by surprise.

"You can't mean that Harry."

He was in anguish here. "Why do you keep saying that? How do you know what I can and can not mean?"

"Because you can't. You can't mean that you'd give up everything for me. It's just not logical. I mean why would y-"

She was cut off as Harry faced her and grabbing her arms, roughly pulled her too him. His lips came crashing down on hers and it was only a moment before his tongue sought entrance to her mouth. Hermione was shocked, beyond shocked and her mind was moving a mile a minute, but suddenly stopped as Harry's kiss grew gentle and he was now caressing instead of trying to possess her. She responded to him and her eyes drifted closed as her arms went around Harry's neck. They pulled away from each other when they heard the mantle clock chime midnight.

"Wow. We've been here for hours." Hermione said inanely.

"It didn't feel like that long." Harry answered.

There was a weirdness between them. An awkwardness that had never been there before, or at least they had never acknowledged it before. But as Harry turned at looked at Hermione's profile and recalled all the time they had spent together, he understood what it was she had truly written in his journal. It wasn't about Quidditch. Because he was feeling breathless, nervous and he reveled in the feeling. And Quidditch had nothing to do with it. That thing that glittered like gold, that he'd been chasing all this time, he knew what it was now. Love. He'd finally caught it and no matter what he couldn't let it go. Even if that meant supporting Hermione in her decision to fight beside him against Voldemort. Harry knew, had always known really, that she would never be any place else. Hermione turned to him and began to speak. He placed a finger on her lips.

"I know love. I know. I always knew. Always."

Whether he was talking about her decision or what they were feeling right now, neither of them could ever tell but it didn't matter as their lips met once more. Harry's heart jolted and his palms began to sweat as Hermione inched nearer to him. He couldn't get her close enough. Finally, oxygen demand got too high and they pulled back once more. Harry looked into Hermione's eyes and saw it. Saw the knowledge he'd so wanted to give her earlier. Even if she never believed she was vital to the world, she now understood that she was vital to him. To his life, his heart and his sanity. And he was the same for her. they lifted the burden from each other, comforted each other when it felt like the world was going to fall down around them. And now that they knew this completely, they also knew as they battled the Dark Lord side by side it would still be like this. When everyone else let them down, they could go to each other and know they'd never be turned away. Once more their lips met, sealing an unspoken promise between them. This was real and it was for the rest of their lives. It was that feeling you get.

The End