The Scientist

xCailinNollaigx

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 19/11/2009
Last Updated: 20/11/2009
Status: completed

Something caught onto her hair, and Hermione paused to pull it out. She stared at the culprit, the ring on her left hand, for a moment, looking rather distant as she stared dumbly at the small diamond ring on her finger. /“You’re not in love with him, Hermione, and you know it! Don’t throw away your happiness for settling,” “Do you hear yourself? That’s your best friend,” She yelled, furious, “And you’re telling me to abandon him!”

Chapters

1. Part One: Logically

2. Part Two: Emotionally

1. Part One: Logically

Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need ya

And tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming in tails

Heads on a science apart

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart.

Questions of science, science and progress

Don't speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,

Oh, when I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing tails

coming back as we are.

“The Scientist” -- Coldplay.

Hermione tore away from Harry suddenly, looking at him with wide eyes and a shocked expression. She jumped away from him, stumbling as she took rapid steps backwards. The room was spinning then, and she shook her head fervently as Harry struggled to form a coherent sentence, or even speak at all. He was staring at her, too, completely at a loss for words. The silence deafened her and threatened to drown her, and she felt like she had to claw her way out of it.

“Hermione--wait!” Harry finally found words as she began running out of the shared flat. She flung the door open and stepped out into the lashings of rain, uncaring of the pellets of water attacking her as she ran. Tears began to mingle with the water, and she tasted salt in her mouth.

She could hear Harry call her repeatedly, and had a vague feeling he was running after her, but Hermione couldn’t stop. She had an inexplicable surge of energy and an urge to run with it; she felt as if she needed to get away, to escape the darkness that was falling over her.

Her hair was taped to her face now, saturated with the rain. Her clothes were sticking to her, and her drenched jeans were making it difficult to run. Even though she was running and running, she felt like she was getting no closer to her destination and no further away from her problem.

Hermione found herself in a park, panting and sprinting as fast as ever. Her breath was coming quick and short, but it wasn’t preventing her from keeping her legs moving. Her muscles were starting to ache, and she dropped her pace a little.

A rage bubbled in her then, and she let out a ferocious roar of frustration, and pulled on her hair a little. A loud sob emitted from her shortly afterwards, and she cupped her hand over her mouth, shaking as she fell to the ground beside the damp grass. The rain continued to pour, but she no longer cared.

Some people ran to escape the rain, or attempted to cover themselves with something, but some just walk through the rain at a normal pace, uncaring of the consequences and perhaps waiting for the numbness of the rain and cold to envelope them.

Something caught onto her hair, and Hermione paused to pull it out. She stared at the culprit, the ring on her left hand, for a moment, looking rather distant as she stared dumbly at the small diamond ring on her finger.

She closed her eyes and her face crumpled as the tears spilled forth once again. A feeling of desolation crept into her and wrapped itself around her heart, threatening to make her heart burst. Her chest ached and her head span, but she couldn’t do anything except sit and cry.

It wasn’t her fault; it was theirs. Hermione hadn’t wanted to be placed in the situation, and she had always looked down on the girls who somehow got themselves involved in a love triangle. But she was one of those girls now, and she couldn’t turn back.

Hermione never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all her best friends; the two people held dearest to her heart. She’d hurt herself before she hurt them, but it seemed like the damage was done either way. She had to choose one. How could she?

They had forced her into this situation, she thought angrily. If Hermione had her way, neither of them would show any interest in her, even if she loved one of them.

She suddenly stood and viciously tore the diamond ring from her finger and threw it as hard as she could into the distance. She stood silently then for a moment, chest heaving as she watched the ring fall and then disappear into a puddle of water.

The rain continued to fall.

“Hermione,” Someone whispered brokenly, and she whipped around to find Harry staring at her with a pained expression.

“What? What can I possibly say, Harry?!”

“I-” He faltered, before throwing his arms in the air, “I don’t know! Just--just tell me the truth, Hermione. Have you never wondered, what it might be like to be with someone you’re actually--actually in love with?”

“I--I…am …” She whispered, but it was half-hearted.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“It wasn’t supposed to end like this! You were supposed to live happily with Ginny, and I with Ron!” Hermione cried, tears running down her face. “We were supposed to be one, giant, happy, Weasley family and --and it was supposed to be easy.”

“No one ever said finding the happy ever after would be easy,”

“No one ever said it would be this hard!” She shot back, voice cracking.

“You’re not in love with him, Hermione, and you know it! Don’t throw away your happiness for settling,”

“Do you hear yourself? That’s your best friend,” She yelled, furious, “And you’re telling me to abandon him!”

“He’s done it to you!” Harry shouted before he could stop himself, and then there was a silence. The only sound heard was the thunderous rain falling all around, the splashes of water falling from objects, buildings and trees, the pelting of the torrents onto the houses and apartments.

“You--you’re being awfully presumptuous, Harry Potter.” Hermione spoke dangerously low, and Harry strained to hear her over the rain, “Who says I’m in love with anyone?”

He laughed humourlessly, “You’re admitting that you don’t love the man you’re engaged to. What kind of marriage is that going to be?”

“Shut up, Harry.” She screamed and then a sob escaped her again, and Harry instantly moved forward. Hermione held up a hand, halting him in his tracks, “Don--don’t come closer… I hate this. I hate it because--because Ron is my best friend and he’s engaged to me. And you? You can read my every thought and emotion.. Because you know what I’m going to say before I even say it! And you, you who knows me best, expects me to break it off with Ron? But what I hate most is that you waited till the day before my wedding to tell me.”

“Hermione, I--”

She cut him off, shouting above his voice, “The day that a girl is supposed to look forward to! A day that is supposed to be about finding happiness with the one you love, and -- and finding that happily ever after that you read in books when you’re five. I never believed in fairy tales -- but I thought, maybe, just maybe, I’ll find something worth a fairytale.” She paused, glancing back at the puddle in which the ring lay. Harry followed her gaze quizzically. She then shrugged one of her shoulders and spoke in a whisper, “I never found that fairytale.”

“Nothing worth having is ever easy, Hermione. No fairytale happy ending is ever had without the hardship along the way.” He extended his hand to her, and Hermione glanced at it, “Please, Hermione.”

She looked up into those dazzling green orbs she knew so well; in times of struggle or adversity, she looked to those eyes for comfort; in happiness and love, those eyes shone with warmth. These were the eyes of the man she trusted above all others, the friend she treasured more than anyone else.

Hermione grasped his hand, and like a flash he had pulled her into his arms. It was almost instantaneous; the desperate clutching at each other, the touching of lips and surges of electricity; the meeting of tongues and feelings of joy.

Except the line of friendship had been effectively smashed to smithereens, and there was no returning the comfortable and safe sanctions of their friendships. Neither was quite sure what the kiss meant, but neither could quite imagine returning to how things were before it, either.

But then Hermione pulled back again, much like she had earlier. “You--you can’t keep doing that,” She whispered, staring up at Harry. He still had his arms wrapped loosely around her waist, and hers around his neck. She let her hands fall to his chest, gently keeping him at a distance.

“But I want to,” He objected feebly, whispering, too.

She swallowed thickly then, and avoided his eyes, “That was our goodbye kiss.”

Harry shook his head firmly, “That was the beginning, not the end!”

“You can’t do this, Harry,” She sounded like she was pleading, “You can’t get what you want all the time.”

He wrenched away, and Hermione felt strangely empty, “I get what I want all the time? Are--are you on another fucking planet?”

Hermione flinched; she wasn’t used to Harry cursing, much less at her. “No. No I am not ‘on another fucking planet’. God, you--you’re such a…a.. a jerk! You’ve kissed me not once, but twice and my wedding is tomorrow,”

Harry softened and took a step forward again, “I’m sorry, I just--”

“Whatever it is you realised it is too late.” Hermione spoke, her tone final. “We could have had our chance, and we had our chance to admit our feelings -- but that chance passed. And now Ron wants to marry me and I am going to, because he makes me laugh and can make me angry all at once. Because he is my best friend and I love him. Because--because he asked me to marry him.”

And then Harry was kneeling on the wet ground, looking up at Hermione with adoration and love in his eyes, “Hermione Granger, ever since I rushed into that bathroom when I was all but eleven--”

“--Harry, don’t, please..” Hermione pleaded softly.

“--you’ve been the greatest friend I’ve ever known. Everything you do is to help me and you do all that with a flourish of brilliance. You’re the brightest witch of our age, but you’re also incredibly kind and compassionate, and you’re not afraid to speak your mind, you’re not scared to tell people what’s wrong and right and you’re never intimidated by the majority thought of others,” He laughed, and then continued,

“You--you are caring and kind, sweet and brilliant and I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re everything I fought for, Hermione. You’re all I’ve ever wanted in life without even realising it. I’ve been blind for so long, even considering how slow I am when it comes to girls. I wish I had have woken up sooner, but now will have to do.”

Hermione had tears in her eyes, and was trying valiantly to hold them back, “Harry.. You--”

“I’ve fallen in love with you, Hermione Granger. And I don’t think I could ever think of you in any other way. Will you marry me?”

She released a long cry, and then knelt down beside him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, “Oh, Harry…” she sighed, tears running down her face. “Why do you do this to me? W--why?”

“Because you make my heart beat like no other and fill it with such love I think it may burst. My heart always felt like there was something empty, but when you walk into a room… it--it just disappears. and when you’re in my arms, my heart feels so full I sometimes think it will burst.”

She was staring into his eyes for a long time, and then was pulling his face towards her. Lips met hungrily, and Hermione was the one to initiate it this time, to Harry‘s delight. It was nothing like the soft kisses they had shared, it was hungry and passionate; rough and demanding. “I love you, too, Harry.” she confessed after they parted, and though that made Harry’s heart lighten and feel like he was the luckiest person on the planet -- she didn’t smile. What kept him from celebrating with joy and jumping up and down was the simple fact that she didn’t smile.

He noticed that the rain had cleared, but the night was still young and the sky still black. There were no stars, only thick, grey clouds that loomed in the night sky, threatening a downpour once again.

Hermione drew him out of his thoughts as she spoke again, “I made a promise to Ron.” It looked like it was physically hurting her to say it, “And I cannot break it by running off with his best friend. Our best friend,” She added softly. Hermione stood and walked towards the puddle then, picking her ring out of it and slipping it back on. She gazed at it forlornly for moment, and then looked back at Harry.

She hugged a numb Harry tightly, “Goodbye, Harry.” It wasn’t goodbye in the sense that they would never see each other again, but it was goodbye to anything more than friendship, it was goodbye to ever exploring the side of their relationship that was so dangerous and taboo.

For Harry, it was hello to Hermione Weasley.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Harry responded, unable to prevent the bitterness seeping into his voice.

Hermione nodded and stood for a moment, “I’m sorry.”

The air crackled with electricity and heat, despite the fact they were both soaked to the bone and were probably going to be deathly sick in the morning. Harry could feel his world cave in around him, he could feel his hope crushing before his eyes and his love being tucked into a secret place in his heart, never to be spoken of again.

She apparated and Harry stared at the spot she had just vacated for several moments before finally softly saying, “So am I.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Part two coming soon :P Hope you liked!

I realise it is a little OOC, or perhaps majorly, I don’t know, but I hope you like it anyway!

xCNx

2. Part Two: Emotionally

Tick. Toc. Tick. Toc.

It reverberated through Harry’s head, every second echoing in his ears as the big hand on the almost ominous clock never stopped moving. It wasn’t as if Harry honestly expected it to stop, but he rather wanted it to. He wanted some outward knowledge that someone knew of his pain, he wanted the world to stop and the people to take notice. Harry had just lost his love and best friend to their mutual other best friend.

He shifted uncomfortably in the chair, staring straight ahead as people began to gather. He couldn’t bear to look around or find Ron, as the pain and guilt all rushed through him at once. Harry was supposed to be Ron’s best man.

The best man is not supposed to be unhappy on the day. Not supposed to hide away until the designated time of ceremony. He’s not supposed to kiss the bride the day before the wedding.

It seemed as if Harry had committed the ultimate betrayal, and for that he could not even look Ron in the eyes. Guilt assailed him every time.

Although, he had not intended to kiss Hermione when he had asked her over the night before. He hadn’t even intended on revealing his feelings; Harry was only going to ask how she was. If she was nervous, if everything was ready, etc..

His duty as the best man… but it then the realisation hit him like a ton of bricks, and he finally knew that Hermione was really getting married. He would never kiss her, love her, marry her.

And that was prompted the kiss -- his realisation. Hermione had responded for a moment, and it was amazing what one can feel in a single moment. The thoughts and emotions that can well; the unbelievable and overwhelming feelings. But, of course, she had pulled away.

Harry sank lower in his chair. He was sitting in the church Hermione had insisted on the wedding being in, as she wanted to make it as normal as possible for her relatives, even if she wasn’t the most religious person. Harry could understand that in some way.

The church wasn’t elaborately decorated, despite Molly’s original plans. Hermione had put simple bunches of flowers at the end of each row, with lily’s, rose’s and many other flowers in each one.

Ron was in one of the church rooms getting ready and preparing himself, and although Harry should be there with him, he figured Ron had enough people with Neville, his brothers and his father. Harry suddenly felt very spiteful and resentful, and got an overpowering urge to get an alcoholic drink. He should have had some before the came to the church.

People were beginning to filter through the church doors, coming in groups and pairs. He didn’t dare look back and meet their eyes. He recognised some of the voices, but Harry gave them no recognition. He remained seated at the top of the church, silently pleading for everyone to sit down the back.

He briefly wondered what he was even doing here when every moment was killing him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to marry Hermione, not Ron. They were all supposed to be friends and Ron was supposed to end up with Luna. He wondered where Luna was; the poor girl was probably torn up, too. Unrequited love was the worst thing one could experience, in Harry’s opinion. He could barely stand to see Hermione and Ron marry; to see her look at him with her warm, brown eyes in a loving gaze and say, “I do.”

He couldn’t do it.

“Harry? Harry, there you are! I thought you’d be with Ron. Are you okay?”

“You look a bit green there, Harry.”

Harry glanced up to see Seamus and Lavender standing over him, looking at him with expressions of expectancy and curiosity. They were not dating, but just attended the wedding together. Harry blinked.

More and more people were arriving, and just as Harry contemplated running through the church doors, Lavender and Seamus spoke again.

Lavender; “Harry? Harry, are you sure you’re okay? I’ll g--”

“There’s Ron! Ron, mate, how’re you feeling?” Seamus smiled brightly at Ron, clapping the man on the back.

Ron gave him a strained smile, and it was evident he was beyond nervous. “Nervous.. Definitely nervous..”

Lavender gave him a soft smile, “Don’t worry, Ron. Everything will go according to plan.”

According to plan… Harry stood up then, and quickly backed away from the three. Ron turned to him, frowning, “What are you doing, Harry? Where have you been, by the way? I was searching everywhere for my best man!” He laughed.

This wasn’t right. Why was Ron laughing? It wasn’t funny, and nothing about the day was happy, fun or even remotely good. Harry shook his head, trying to calm himself.

He couldn’t watch Ron marry Hermione. He just couldn’t.

A part of Harry screamed at himself, reminded Harry all that they had done for him. But he just wasn’t brave enough; Harry, the so-called great Gryffindor, wasn’t brave enough. It was painful enough to know it was happening, but he definitely couldn’t watch it.

“I’m sorry, Ron,” He sounded hoarse to his own ears, and was sure his expression was one of apology and anguish. “Sorry.” He then turned and ran from the church, ignoring the curious stares and Ron’s shouts along the way. He heard footsteps follow, too, but before they could reach him, he apparated.

Harry wasn’t going to be around when Hermione and Ron promised forever to each other.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The wind was strong, and it blew his hair and tux wildly as Harry trekked through the grass in the field. His feet dragged along, as if they weighed two tons. His eyes were squinted against the gale force wind, and the tree’s blew fiercely in front of him. Harry stopped and began to wonder what he was doing.

What was he doing there? What was the point it? Was he going to say goodbye to Hermione and Ron forever? No, he definitely couldn’t go without seeing them for the rest of his life. But how could they possibly understand why he ran? Or at least, how could Ron possibly understand.

He let out a small roar of frustration, kicking the grass as he did so. He had left the church over ten minutes ago, and the whole time had had only questioned himself. Was he doing the right thing? He knew, in his heart of hearts, that Hermione was going to be upset and disappointed with him. Harry hated upset and disappointed Hermione, which is probably why she was the voice of his conscience in school -- he usually wanted to do what was right by her, in order for her not to feel completely disappointed.

Harry sighed, what was he going to do?

They were his best friends, the best anyone could ever find; they faced death with him, they camped out in horrible conditions and ate rank food during the horcrux hunt, they helped in recover after the war, they were with him for every single hurtle and fall.

He couldn’t leave them on their big day. He couldn’t abandon them.

But it was Hermione. In Harry’s mind, she was his Hermione, and truly wasn’t supposed to marry Ron. It didn’t really matter how much he told himself that, though.

A patronus’ hare suddenly appeared in front of him, and Harry frowned, even though he instantly knew whose patronus it was.

“Harry, it’s me, Luna. I’ve been looking for you everywhere, where are you? W-we’re..” It was Luna that was stuttering or breaking off, but there seemed to be a problem with her patronus. Harry strained to make out what she was saying, “I’m at the church.. Her-Hermione’s she’s not shown up y…. Ginny checking if she’s in… can’t find…” The patronus then began retreating as Harry followed it, begging it to go on and repeat what it said, even though he knew his shouts would be futile.

Harry stopped then as his chest heaved and he tried to catch his breath, “I--I don’t understand..” He spoke aloud, “Did she marry Ron?” Harry’s mind immediately began racing, formulating a plan to get to the church and look for Hermione without being seen or spotted by any friends or family. He glanced one last time around the park, and then turned to make his way towards the exit.

He halted in his steps as soon as he turned.

Hermione stood behind him, mascara running down her face and her wedding dress trailing behind her. Her hands were hanging by her sides as she looked at him with a trembling lip, her brown eyes filling with such sorrow and something Harry could not distinguish.

Her hair was caught up in an elaborate twist, with a few strands falling out of the bun. One fell over her eye, and Harry had a compulsive urge to brush it back. Her make-up was natural, and Harry thought her skin looked to be glowing.

Her wedding dress was cream and simple; strapless, and straight down to the floor. There was a train behind her, but it wasn’t overly long.

She whispered then, very softly, “I couldn’t do it.”

Harry took a small step towards her, his heart beginning to beat faster as the minutes wore on, “Why?” He needed to hear her say it. Needed to know that the hope now blooming inside of him was not unwarranted.

There was a small pause in which Harry stopped before her, gazing into her eyes as he tried to read her thoughts and what she was about to say. Hermione tilted her head so she could look up at him, a small smile flourishing, “Because I love you, Harry Potter.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Someone once said that love is when the other persons happiness is more important than your own. I can identify with that.

I could almost feel it happening before it did; I could sense it unravelling before my eyes. The epic that was to become the Potters.

I should have known that they would end up together. Not because he was the ‘Chosen One’, or because he was filthy rich and globally famous. It was because it was Harry, and the woman was Hermione.

The one woman I knew didn’t love Harry for the fame, fortune and name. It was because they put each other before everyone else, because they understand each other more than I ever could -- even I, a friend of many, many years -- because I don’t think either could go on if the other didn’t, because it was brewing from the moment they met up until the point they fell in love.

I feel as if I was almost blind; how I didn’t recognise it before. I knew how they looked at each other, how they looked ahead together.

But when the time came around, I somehow knew. There was no startling realisation or lashing out at Hermione…. I just seemed to know. The question how will always serve to baffle me.

I had been stood up at the altar. It’s not something anyone wants to have on their personal CV, but after the initial hurt, I understood. After all, love is about putting the other first. I couldn’t hold Hermione hostage for her love, I couldn’t resent her and Harry for the rest of my life. They deserved each other more than anyone else.

Which is probably why I didn’t react when Hermione requested a meeting with me five minutes before the wedding was scheduled. I realised what was happening when I stepped into the room and she allowed me to see her in her wedding dress.

Her eyes gave her away. Although she tried to keep her face blank, there was such a sadness in her eyes that even I noticed it. And then she was pouring out words that I didn’t want to understand, but it all translated to one thing; I’m in love with Harry. I’m nearly sure I recognised what she was saying before she did.

I told her to go.

I put her happiness before my own; because I love her. She’s my bossy, fiery, passionate and bushy-haired best friend, and she always will be. I may not be in love with her anymore, but I still love her as I would love family.

Harry was my brother in everything but blood, and what was blood? Not literally, obviously. Harry deserved to have love, definitely more than anyone I know.

That’s why I remained friends with them; why I stood at the altar next to Harry one year later as he married Hermione; why I accepted the role of godfather to their son two more years on; why I didn’t hold what they did against them forever.

Hermione and Harry are written in the stars, and it didn’t take Luna to tell me that. (Perhaps it did, actually, but we needn’t get into that..)

The point is, no matter how my first wedding day turned out, I’m not sad. Because I had witnessed the beginning of the Potters epic romance…

And watched my own flourish.

Love is about putting the others happiness first; and there is no finer example than that of Hermione, Harry and I.

I, older, much more mature, wiser, Ronald Weasley, will stand by Harry and Hermione no matter what. Because love is about putting others happiness first.

….Even if I’m perfectly happy with my own Loony Lovegood.

~*~*~*~*~

Thank you so much to all who reviewed, you have truly made my day! My first story here and it got good responses J Thank you.

Also, I realise this may be slightly OOC, but again, I’ll leave it up to you to decide. I wanted a Ron-friendly fic here, too, which is why Ron is as he is at the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own the Scientist, which in fact belongs to Coldplay.

And finally, I do not own:

H. Jackson Browne
Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.
As it belongs to the author in bold J

Reviews appreciated greatly,

xCNx