Divination Made Easy

Suzanne of Dragons Breath

Rating: PG13
Genres: Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 17/12/2009
Last Updated: 17/12/2009
Status: completed

The summer before fourth year Harry looks to an unusual source of inspiration to make his divination homework easier. Pre-ship.

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

Author's note: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own South Park. I'd like to think that this is original. It was inspired by too much insomnia and too many hours at work in a row. It's set in GOF when Ron and Harry are doing their divination homework (having fallen back on the standby of making it up), and Hermione has just finished checking Ron's.

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Hermione sat down, laid the things she was carrying in an empty armchair, and pulled Ron's predictions toward her.

"Not going to have a very good month, are you?" she said sardonically as Crookshanks curled up in her lap.

"Ah well, at least I'm forewarned," Ron yawned.

"You seem to be drowning twice," said Hermione.

"Oh am I?" said Ron, peering down at his predictions. "I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging hippogriff."---Goblet of Fire p. 271

A loose sheet of parchment fell from the copy of Unfogging the Future Harry was thumbing through. He unfolded it, and grinned as he read the contents.

“I think I'm done!” Harry said, as he began to copy from the paper to his homework scroll. “I forgot about this from the summer.”

Ron made a face. “You did extra divination homework over the summer Harry?”

“Dudley had a new obsession over the summer that made it hard to sleep, so I put my time to good use.”

Ron's face became disgusted. “Harry!”

“What? No! Not that!” Harry exclaimed, beginning to feel rather ill at that thought of Dudley doing THAT.

Thirteen (nearly fourteen, thank you very much!) year old Harry Potter rolled over on his thin mattress and tried to block out the sound coming from his cousin Dudley's room. The thin, flat pillow did a poor job of muffling the sound as Dudley listened to yet another cartoon episode. He heard a thump, then the fwhoom of fire, followed by the traditional “Oh my god! They killed Kenny!” “You Bastards!”

Dudley had picked up on the American cartoon show earlier in the summer, and had quickly become obsessed, leading him to watch every episode at night when his parents were sleeping. Heaven forbid that “Dinky Did-ums” watch such an awful Yank show! Dudley's annoying laughter rumbled through the walls as the baby whale-sized teen enjoyed yet another Kenny death.

Giving up on sleep for the moment, Harry moved to the broken desk in the corner of Dudley's spare bedroom and grabbed the list he had begun earlier in the summer. “Hmm…crushed by a volcano bomb, surviving that, only to be caught on fire and die. That's a new one.” He dipped his quill in the inkwell and noted it on his list underneath “killed by an exploding firework” and above “being smashed to death by a succubus.”

Ron looked over Harry's list. “Harry, these are golden! Where did you come up with them?”

“Well, Harry, let's see yours then.” She held out her hand for Harry's scroll of predicted woe. Harry handed it to her ruefully.

“Run over by a police car? Cut in half to end an inferi curse? Crushed by a statue, then an airplane? Killed by a Grim? Crushed by an ambulance, by a piano? Harry! These sound like Kenny deaths from South Park!”

Harry looked at her in shock. “YOU watch South Park?”

She sniffed, “No, but some of the cousins I spent time with this summer are obsessed with it, so I learned far more about it than I ever wanted to. My cousins spent the summer trying to figure out new ways that Kenny could die. I think that they are afraid that the writers will run out of ideas soon—he does die in every episode.”

Ron was very confused. “What's…South…Park?” he asked.

“An immature television show from the States about four boys and their classmates in a fictional area of Colorado comprising of fart jokes and the frequent deaths of one of the boys, Kenny.”

“It's watched on a felleyvision then? Dad's told me all about them.”

“Television Ron, it's called a television.” Harry corrected.

“I can't believe that you would stoop to not only making up your divination homework, but to cheating by taking ideas from a television show!” Hermione said.

“Hermione, it's all in good spirit. It's not like Trelawney has ever seen or even HEARD of South Park. Aren't you happy I was doing extra work over the summer to get ahead?” Harry shot Hermione a kicked puppy look.

“Fine,” she grumbled, “But the death by the “brown note” stays out. It's not proper for a homework assignment.”

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