What Changed?

xelan

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 28/05/2010
Last Updated: 28/05/2010
Status: completed

Long have I believed a potion resulted in the Canon pairings, but I never knew who did what. Then, someone suggested a person I never suspected and this is how I came to terms with it.

Chapters

1. What Changed?

1. What Changed?

What Changed?

by Xelan (a die-hard Harmonian)

A/N: Don't know necessarily when this is happening. On its own, this technically qualifies as Canon compliant, but I dislike the last two books as well as parts of OoTP and I refuse to acknowledge the existence of The Epilogue.

Dislaimer: I own nothing. All recognizable characters are owned by their respective owners.

"Hermione - what happened to us?" The words were tentative and almost pleading.

"Really, Harry. I don't know what you're..." But Harry cut her off with a finger to her lips.

"No. You know what I mean. US. As in you," He pointed to her. "and me" he pointed back to himself "together. What changed Hermione?"

She looked away. Her arms wrapped protectively around herself.

"Igtcared" She mumbled; her eyes shut.

"I didn't catch that" Harry said softly.

Her head turned rapidly to face Harry; her eyes firm, her gaze fiery. "I - GOT - SCARED! Okay!?

Every year that I've been at Hogwarts I've nearly died. I think I've handled it quite well. But when Dolohov nearly sliced me in two... all I could think of was that I didn't want to be without you. Trolls, Dragons, even Dementors.. I've never been so scared in my life. I didn't.. couldn't feel that again. I - REFUSE - to feel that way ever again. And then I knew how much I loved you and knew that the pain I was feeling in my chest wasn't just because of a darkly modified slicing hex. I loved you and the thought of losing you was killing me. So I decided I would have to stop loving you." Her eyes closed and tears started to form around her eyes.

"You can't know how hard it was for me. You had to be happy and I was sure with a little push you could be happy with Ginny. I could still be near you but not with you, so if anything happened... " and at that she sobbed.

Harry's arms instinctively moved to comfort her, but Hermione raised an arm as if to ward him off. "don't! If I let you get too close to me, I'll fall in love all over again. Even with the Amortentia, I can't take that chance.

"Amortentia," he whispered.

Hermione gave a tearful nod. "A small dose to make you interested in Ginny and some for me so I can tolerate Ron" For some reason it only seemed to work when I was near Ron and when you were near Ginny, but it took the edge off when we were all together."

His voice was hard and clipped. "So, you've been dosing me since, what? Since the beginning of Sixth year?"

Another nod. "At the burrow right before the start of 6th year. " she confirmed.

Harry sighed and shook his head tiredly. I always wondered about that. I barely even spoke with her before 6th year and then it was like I was someone else.

he was silent for a moment as if in deep contemplation. "So does that mean that everything I thought we had, the night you got out of the hospital wing, the evening after Ron ran out on us, it didn't mean anything?

She bit her lip and looked up at him under heavy lidded eyes. "it means I was weak. It means I was selfish. The night I got out of the hospital wing, I had just decided I couldn't be with you, and even though I told myself it was a horrible idea, I wanted my first to be you even if I had to obliviate myself afterwards. The tent was me being too weak to stop myself. Without Ron around, the Amortentia was worthless and I slipped." The look of pain and self loathing in her eyes made his stomach twitch.

He took a deep breath and scooped her into his arms despite her weak protests. She clutched at him with terrible need and longing and lust and, he was sure of it, love as well. His head resting nestled in her hair, he inhaled slowly and deeply, trying to imprint everything about her into his memory. Finally, he spoke. "You are absolutely without a doubt the stupidest genius I have ever had the pleasure to meet."

He pulled away from her with a sad smile upon his face. "If that is what you want Hermione, then... well, I've never really been able to say no to you, have I? As he turned to leave, he stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. She looked fragile enough to break. "I want you to know that I forgive you, but before I go, there's something I think you should know. In the Prince's potion book, there was a notation about Amortentia in the margin.” He started to walk away slowly.

And I quote: Amortentia's effect on soul mates is greatly diminished, requiring close proximity of the object of fixation. Amortentia is also completely ineffective on True Love." Harry stopped a few paces away and looked back at her. Her eyes were huge and she had the distinct look of being gobsmacked about her. A corner of his mouth twitched up as he continued in a normal tone of voice. "I haven't felt a thing for Ginny since right before we started the Horcrux hunt. I'm sure you were still dosing me until recently, right?

Her mouth was starting to drop open but she still managed to nod in affirmation.

"Then that should tell you something. Goodbye Hermione" He resumed walking.

Suddenly, a brown haired blur impacted his back and strong but feminine arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He could feel her forehead nuzzling his back and in a quiet, muffled voice he heard her say, "Please don't go."

He turned around in her arms and encircled her with his own. "I thought this was what you wanted?"

"I don't know anymore. Even upping the dose I can't stand Ron and I still want to be with you. Now more than ever." She paused as if testing her resolve. "I pushed you away twice and I don't think I have it in me to push you away again. I think... I think something’s wrong with me. Harry, I think I'm broken." She started to sob again and pulled him tighter.

Harry took her by the arms and lifted her to face him, tilting her head back to stare into her eyes. Even stained with tears her chocolate brown eyes were beautiful.