Fear Cloaked In Courage

sticknsnitches

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 20/09/2010
Last Updated: 17/12/2012
Status: in_progress

A retelling of the H/Hr story beginning at Slughorn's Christmas Party in Year 6. Hermione's plan to get back at Ron and make him jealous backfires when McLaggen turns out not be the guy everyone thinks he is. The repercussions of her attack bring the Trio closer together as they try to understand everything that is happening around them and deal with new threats and old enemies.

Chapters

1. Hindsight

2. Intuition

3. Break

4. Promises

5. Center

6. Memory

7. Stages

8. Absolution

9. Christmas

10. Return

11. Stirrings

12. Crossings

13. Author's Note

14. Reclaim

15. chapter 15

1. Hindsight

`Ronald Weasley has to be one of the most insufferable prats I've ever met!' she thought, dropping the stack of books on the table with a bit more vigor than was necessarily required.

The library was mostly empty. Lunch was being served but she wasn't feeling very hungry.

She pushed a fall of hair behind her ear and pulled out parchment and quill, determined to finish next week's Transfiguration assignment early, if only to have something to distract her thoughts. But try as she may, her mind kept slipping to Ron.

He infuriated her! He was her friend, yes, and they had been through things together that others couldn't fathom, but he could also be so completely thoughtless at times she wondered if it was worth it. It felt like everything had spiraled out of control the last few weeks and every time she attempted to right the ship things got worse.

She knew she shouldn't have confunded McLaggen but she had seen Ron play enough Quidditch at the Burrow to know he was better than his nerves were allowing him to be and she also couldn't bare the thought of saddling Harry with that obnoxious oaf all season. But now she regretted that decision, painfully. Her and Ron had been at each other's throats seemingly non-stop, even more than usual. She prided herself on her control and keeping her composure. She didn't know how many times in the last six years she had preached to both Ron and Harry to back down from the Slytherin's, to not let them goad them into a fight, but one wrong word from Ron and all reason and sense flew out the window.

Ron's newest tactic was the one that had her fuming at present. His sudden interest in Lavender Brown. She wasn't jealous. She knew that's what he was trying to do and that's what made her so furious. Not only was the idiot incapable of understanding that she wasn't interested in him that way, but he was now using poor, unsuspecting Lavender in his futile scheme.

She admitted that there was a time at the end of fourth year when she thought she might like him in that way but between his behavior at the Yule Ball and the things she felt when Victor Krum had turned his attentions to her she knew that all she could feel for Ron was brotherly love, and at the moment, murderous thoughts.

The idea that romance should be on anyone's mind right now was bewildering to her. Voldemort was ramping up his efforts and Harry needed them to be focused right then.

She bit her lip guiltily and shook her head as if to shake away the bad thoughts. She hadn't been nearly as attentive to Harry this year as she normally was. The business with Ron and Harry's newfound success in Potions had her feeling as if she didn't really know her place and her pride was stinging.

But Ron had unknowingly taken it too far today. His mimicry of her in Transfiguration had hurt. He couldn't have known that displays such as his had been a weekly occurrence for her before she came to Hogwarts. Her early school years hadn't been terribly pleasant, so for someone who was supposed to be her friend to do something so hurtful, she didn't know if she could forgive him.

She had raced from the room as soon as possible, embarrassed that she hadn't been able to hold back the tears. She had thought the bathroom was empty until a faint humming caught her attention and she saw Luna Lovegood sitting crosslegged in a windowsill. The quirky girl hadn't said much, just handed her some tissue and patted her on the back until she stopped crying. It didn't help her already awful day that immediately upon exiting the bathroom she saw Harry standing there looking uncomfortable and holding her books. Mortified she had barely said two words to him before grabbing her things and headed straight to the library.

Which is where she was now. And she was mad. Ron never thought before he acted. Never! He just constantly pushed without bothering to turn around and see what carnage lay behind him. The more she thought about all the terrible and hurtful things he had said and done to her over the years the madder she got and when she spotted the pompous form of one Cormac McLaggen strutting through the stacks Hermione Granger, smartest witch of her age, did one of the stupidest things ever.

“Oh Cormac” she called, voice falsely sweet.

It was as if she had accio'd him there. He slid into the chair across from her and leaned in close. She nearly lost her nerve but in a flash of memory saw Ron mocking her in class and steeled herself for what she was about to do.

He would have been attractive if not for his completely obnoxious personality.

“I was wondering...and I know it's terribly late notice...but I need a date to Professor Slughorn's” and before she could finish he cut her off

“Of course!” he said enthusiastically “I'd be honored to go with you.”

His hand reached out and grasped hers and she had to force herself not to yank it back in revulsion. Sliding her hand from his graciously she put a smile on her face. “Just as friends, Cormac.”

“Absolutely. Friends.” he repeated

Knowing she needed an excuse to leave and that she would not be getting any work down she made a show of gathering her things. “Well, I really must be going. I'll meet you at 8, tonight.” she said, trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

“I'll count down the hours until we meet again.” and before she could stop him he had grabbed her hand a pressed a kiss to the top of it. With a wink and a glint in his eye that made a shiver go down her spine he was gone.

`What have I done.' she asked herself, hoping she could make it through the night without having to hex McLaggen into next week and that Ron would get her message loud and clear and they could be done with this mess.

Later that evening she wasn't disappointed. She knew announcing she was going to the party with McLaggen would get a rise out of Ron and she was right. She hadn't planned on being quite so girlish when Parvati was questioning her but seeing Ron's growing fury out of the corner of her eye made her feel reckless. So reckless in fact that when Parvati asked if she was dating McLaggen she said yes. As she left the table she caught Harry's eye and felt a clench in her stomach at his disapproving look.

The hour leading up to the party seemed never ending. She felt sick to her stomach and thought about sending a note to McLaggen telling him something had come up and she couldn't go. Ron wasn't even going to be there! But she knew people would talk and that would be enough. After tonight she'd confront Ron and they'd have it out. Her actions may be childish but she felt they were justified. As much as she wished she could just crawl into bed with a book she knew she couldn't. Her presence was expected by the Professor and she had already taken the charade this far, the hard part was really over, a few more hours and it would just be an unpleasant memory.

She spent enough time on her hair, dress and makeup so that it would look like she cared. Not one to care very much how others saw her she was still a girl and had to admit that her dress was quite flattering and that her hair had managed to behave itself for once. Squaring her shoulders she gave herself one last look “Gryffindor courage.” she muttered to no one. “Quite right dear. Have a lovely time.” the mirror replied before she headed for the party.

She saw McLaggen before he saw her and had enough time to throw a too bright smile on her face.

“Hermione!” he exclaimed, hurrying forward and placing her arm in his, trapping it there with his other hand. “Shall we?” he asked, nodding towards the door where she could see a throng of students and adult wizards entering. All she could do is say yes as he pulled her forward.

After greeting Professor Slughorn and a few other guests Hermione made a beeline for the refreshments table and gulped down a glass of punch, anxious for anything that would give her an excuse to not talk to her `date'.

Suddenly an arm wrapped itself around her waist from behind and she felt hot breath on her ear “There you are. You're not trying to get away from me, are you?”

She whipped around so quickly he had to step back to avoid her flying hair. “Cormac! No...I...I'm sorry, I was just so thirsty.”

His hand snaked around her again and she leveled him with a trademark Granger glare. “I thought we agreed to come as friends.”

“Of course.” he said smoothly, still not moving his arm “I'm just being friendly.”

She forced a smile and grabbed his hand in hers, removing it from her back but not letting it go. Maybe if she allowed him this he wouldn't try anything else. His pleased grin told her she was safe, for now. “Would you like to get something to eat?” she suggested and after his nod led him towards the back of the room where several tables were laded with what she normally would have considered very tempting looking dishes.

She managed to waste a good fifteen minutes by filling up a plate and keeping her mouth stuffed with food, nodding every now and then to whatever McLaggen was going on about. When the plates were empty they mingled with some other guests and Hermione kept searching the crowd for Harry. The main part of her plan involved sticking with him and Luna and not having to be alone at all with McLaggen.

She felt McLaggen grip her hand tighter suddenly “Oh my, how fortuitous.” he said

She looked at him quizzically and saw him pointing up. Directly above their heads was a giant sprig of mistletoe. Her heart dropped. She opened her mouth to protest but before she could utter a sound his mouth was on hers. It took all her willpower not to gag. He tasted like steak and kidney pie. She pushed at his chest but he seemed to take that as encouragement instead and thrust a hand into her hair, the other pressing possessively into her lower back.

Just as she was reaching for her wand he pulled back and looked down at her dopily. “Sorry, tradition and all.” he said, pointing again at the offending plant.

If she had wanted word to get back to Ron that right there had ensured it would. Her work was effectively done. “Cormac, would you mind getting me some punch?” she asked softly. “Not at all.” he replied, a strange look coming across his face, almost predatory, before he turned and disappeared into the crowd.

As soon as he was out of sight she ducked in the opposite direction.

“Hermione! Hermione!” she heard and breathed a sigh of relief, it was Harry.

“Harry! There you are, thank goodness! Hi, Luna!” she gasped out

“What's happened to you?” Harry asked, looking concerned

“Oh, I've just escaped -- I mean, I've just left Cormac.” she paused “Under the mistletoe.” she added at Harry's questioning look.

“Serves you right for coming with him.” he said in a tight voice

She winced. She deserved that. She knew Harry was caught in the middle with her and Ron fighting and she knew it hadn't been easy on him either.

“I thought he'd annoy Ron the most.” she admitted sheepishly “I debated for a while about Zacharias Smith, but I thought, on the whole...”

“You considered Smith!” Harry said, his shock and revulsion evident

“Yes, I did, and I'm starting to wish I'd chosen him, McLaggen makes Grawp look a gentleman. Let's go this way, we'll be able to see him coming, he's so tall...” she grabbed Harry by the sleeve and drug him with her to the other side of the room. Unfortunately she had led them right to Professor Trelawney.

Hermione barely paid attention to what the other three were talking about, so concerned she was about knowing when McLaggen would reappear. She bit her lip nervously.

“Hermione. Are you ok?” Harry asked

“I'm fine Harry. I can handle McLaggen.” she assured him, noticing he had stepped closer to her and seemed worried. “Really, Harry. He just doesn't seem to understand what `just friends' means. After tonight I'm just going to tell him it's not going to work out and that will be that.”

“If you'd like I can...”

But she didn't hear what else Harry was going to say as she spotted McLaggen heading her direction. “Oh Merlin, here he comes, see you Harry.” she said quickly before darting away through some other guests.

He did find her a few minutes later after she had joined another conversation. “Here is your drink. Sorry it took so long for me to find you.”

She smiled her appreciation and took a long drink of the punch, absentmindedly noting that the taste was different than the glass she had had before. McLaggen had managed to wrap an arm around her from behind again and at this point she didn't have the energy to deal with that again. Finishing her drink she chatted lightly with some other students when suddenly she felt terribly light headed. She put a hand to her head and stumbled slightly as McLaggen pulled her away. She could hear him making their apologies to the others but she couldn't really register what he was saying.

“Hermione? Are you alright?” he asked

“No. I don't feel very well. I think....I'm sorry...I think I'd like to call it a night.” she was able to get out, wincing at her slurred speech. `What is wrong with me. I was fine just a minute ago.'

McLaggen was taking on her entire weight now and she could barely keep her eyes open. Blood was rushing in her ears and spots danced in front of her eyes.

“How about we get you out of here.” he said before pulling her to him roughly

A grimace of confusion made its way across her face. Something was wrong.

“No.” she protested, weakly, trying to push him away but she didn't seem to have any strength.

And then he laughed and a chill went straight through her. “Too late, Granger. You're mine.”

Her mind was frantic but her body was simply incapable of doing anything. The way he had positioned them it would look to anyone else that they were just enjoying a romantic moment. She forced her eyes to stay open and scanned the room, searching for Harry. She spotted him heading for the door. “Har....” she tried to call out but all that emerged was a soft rasp, easily swallowed by the din of the party.

“You think Potter's going to save you?” he whispered “No one is going to save you. Now lets get going, I have a message to deliver.”

Her blood ran cold and there was nothing she could do as McLaggen guided them towards the door. It was easy for him to support her slight weight and they moved much quicker than she could have anticipated. Her hearing and vision were fading in and out and they passed no one else in the corridors. Her desperation grew. She didn't know what he intended to do to her but she knew it wouldn't be good.

Her legs finally gave way completely but that didn't slow him down at all, he picked her up in his arms and kept walking. Her head bounced on his shoulder and as they passed a hallway she saw a flash of red hair. She forced her eyes to stay open knowing this could be her only hope of getting help.

When Ron stepped into the corridor he just stared at her. Glaring. Her eyes welled with tears, she tried again to call out but this time not a single sound emerged. She locked eyes with him and tried to will him to understand that this wasn't what it looked like and that she was in trouble, pleading that he know she needed help. But as they rounded the corner and he fell from her sight the last thing she saw was his back as he walked away.

Now she was truly afraid. Bile rose up in her throat and she knew if she could move she'd be shaking. This was not right. McLaggen was not right. He was taking her further into the bowels of the castle. Corridors that no students should be in until suddenly they came upon a small alcove and he dumped her violently on the cold stones.

The air rushed out of her at the impact and her head smacked painfully on the floor only adding to the disorientation she was already experiencing.

She tried to speak but nothing came out. He laughed cruelly, a strange look in his eyes that made him seem like someone else entirely.

She knew that she was well and truly alone and the only person who could get her out of this mess was herself. If she could only reach her wand she could attempt to do a silent spell. With one sudden jerk she was able to throw her right arm across her body and make a wild grab for the wand tucked into the back of her skirt. But her movements were slow and clumsy and before she knew what was happening McLaggen had struck. A fist landed high on her left cheek bone, throwing her head to the side, stars exploding in her vision. She didn't even feel him pluck the wand from her but she did hear it's mocking clatter as he threw it behind him.

“I don't think we'll be needing that.” he said snidely, reaching a hand out to trace along the cheek he had just struck. She wished she could recoil. Wished that she could use the foulest curses she knew on him but she couldn't, she was completely helpless.

He started talking then. Rambling really, almost as if he didn't even recognize she was there. “Maybe...maybe this will be the way. To get the message across. To get Potter to understand. He can hide in the castle. He can hide behind Dumbledore. He can hide behind his mother's protection.” McLaggen paused then before leaning in close and then licking a long trail up her neck to her ear where he whispered. “But we are everywhere and he has no idea. How do you think he's going to feel when he sees what's happened to his mudblood whore.”

She was losing consciousness then, maybe from whatever he had given her or maybe from sheer fright. She felt a tear escape and then the shocking pain as he yelled `Crucio!' Just as McLaggen's hand made it's way up her leg and under her skirt she gave up on trying to stay awake and her last coherent thought was of Harry, hoping he would find her.

2. Intuition

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Keep them coming! My idea for this fic comes mostly from my dissatisfaction at Hermione's character in Book 6 and of course the subsequent outcome of the rest of the series. I honestly don't mind Ron and Hermione together so much, I clearly don't prefer it but if I squint I can see it. Harry and Ginny however....not working for me. At all. :) So I thought about how could Book 6 be reworked to make it H/Hr. What would have to happen? Hermione is so not herself in this book that it was very hard to find the spot and write a way out of it for her but I think I found that spot. I realized that since we never get anyone's POV other than Harry's we really don't know what Hermione was thinking and what her motivations were for why she did what she did. I also needed something big to happen that would erase all of the past pettiness and bickering and give the Trio a fresh slate. I like my Ron more mature and confident and I would have liked to have seen that Ron in the later books. I also like a balance between Hermione kicking ass and needing Harry so no worries, there will be plenty of that.

My plan is to work my new bit of plot into the existing, get a new Trio dynamic flowing and then do a rehashing of the rest of Book 6 and Book 7 with Harry and Hermione together and Ron not running around with his head up his ass. Hope you enjoy.

WARNING: This chapter mentions possible sexual assault. If this disturbs you in any way please stop reading now.

Ron wandered the myriad corridors of Hogwarts, hands stuffed deep in his pockets, head slouched forward, purposely scuffing the soles of his shoes wondering exactly where it had all gone so wrong.

The last few weeks had been a nightmare. Hermione seemed to hate his guts. He barely saw Harry anymore since he split his time between his two best friends and lately it felt as if Harry had been spending more time with her than with him. He was beginning to fail many of his classes and he was utterly depressed. The only two bright spots were Lavender and Quidditch.

Usually you'd expect that those two things would be enough to get a bloke by but he was just now realizing how much he missed his friends, both of them.

Thanks to Slughorn's stupid party the halls were mostly deserted. He had eaten dinner with Lav before she skipped off for a `girl's night' with the rest of the Gryffindor sixth years that hadn't been invited. Wizard's Chess didn't appeal to him and the next thing he knew he was three flights down, lost in thought only half remembering to keep an eye out for Mrs. Norris.

He wished he knew what it was about Hermione that set him off so much. Yeah she was bossy and annoying and tended to nag but sometimes those were good things and her brain had saved them more times than he cared to count. It was never good when homework was involved, although even he had to admit that there was a connection between his fall out with Hermione and his plummeting grades. But still, it seemed like recently every time they spoke to each other it ended up in a screaming match.

And now. Now she was with McLaggen of all people! He was a joke. Could give Percy a run for his money in the pompous arse department. Why on earth would she have asked him? Ron thought everyone felt the same way about McLaggen, including Hermione. And to go out with him, especially after he had challenged Ron for the Keeper position...it just wasn't right.

His wandering had lead him to an area of the castle that even he had never been in before. The dim hallway he was on had narrowed and he had to stoop a little but he could see that it emptied out onto a larger corridor. He figured that maybe he should be heading back now. Unknown areas of the castle always ended up being nothing but trouble.

Just before he entered the hallway a blurred shape quickly passed in front of him. He stepped out and looked to his left and it felt like he had taken a bludger to the stomach. The shape he had seen had been McLaggen carrying Hermione! Unbelievable! His fists clenched in rage and he could feel the blood rising in his head.

McLaggen didn't seem to notice him but Hermione had. She had a strange expression on her face, one that he couldn't quite read. She didn't say anything but she looked....she looked almost desperate. He took two steps after them and then stopped. He didn't know what was going on and the last thing he wanted to do was interrupt anything between those two. He didn't think he could handle it. But...still...something wasn't right. He needed to find Harry.

Ron started off at a walk in the opposite direction, and without knowing why he gradually picked up his pace until he was jogging and then flat out running through the corridors heading for Slughorn's office.

There was a huge press of people as he approached the party and he had a hard time shoving his way through the crowd. Not really caring if he accidentally elbowed someone or stepped on toes he used his height to his advantage and scanned constantly for his friend.

A flash of red caught his eye and he bellowed “Ginny!” before pushing through to reach his sister.

“Ginny! Have you seen Harry?” he said impatiently

“What's your problem, Ron?” she questioned, annoyance flashing in her eyes

“I need Harry. Where is he?” he said again, still looking over the tops of heads

“I don't know. Luna said he took off about twenty minutes ago and he hasn't been back. Pretty bad form if you ask me, abandoning his date like that.” her disapproval was evident

Harry could be anywhere by now. Ignoring the calls of Ginny he turned and pressed his way back through the crowd until it opened up and he headed towards the common room, if nothing else he could grab the Marauder's Map and find him that way.

He was on the moving staircase when he saw Harry heading his direction one flight above. Hopping the last few feet he skidded to a stop in front of Harry and realized his friend didn't even seem to notice he was there.

“Harry!” he gasped, out of breath and relieved to have finally found him.

“Oh, hey Ron.” Harry replied distractedly

“Harry, there's something wrong. I think. I mean...I don't know for sure but...Hermione and McLaggen.”

Harry gave him a perturbed look. “I think since you're with Lavender now it shouldn't matter to you if Hermione is with McLaggen or not. Sorry mate.” and with a clap on the shoulder went to move past him

“No! Harry wait! You don't understand. I saw McLaggen carrying Hermione and she didn't look right.” he finally got out, hoping that Harry would say that Hermione had had a little too much spiked punch and that as annoying as McLaggen is he was still a Gryffindor and a stand up guy.

Harry finally seemed to snap out of his stupor and Ron knew the instant he had his friend's full attention. “What do you mean she didn't look right?” he repeated, green eyes intense

“McLaggen didn't see me but Hermione did and Harry, I don't know, she just looked....she might have looked scared but I don't know for sure. And I wasn't sure and I wasn't going to interrupt anything in case I was wrong, I mean she was the one who decided to ask the git out... so I figured I'd go find you.” he said this in one breath “She hadn't had too much to drink at the party or anything, had she?” he asked, realizing as he said it how unlikely an idea that was.

“No. I saw her not too long ago. She was trying to hide from McLaggen, said he had gotten a little too handsy under the mistletoe.” Ron's temper flared at this, and he noticed Harry's jaw had clenched a bit as he had said it “But she was fine, she didn't even have a drink with her.”

“So you didn't see them leave?” Ron asked

“No, I must have already left.” Harry appeared lost in thought for a moment and then pulled his wand from beneath his dress robes.

“Accio Marauder's Map.” he said

Soon they could see the magical map zipping its way towards them.

As soon as Harry had it in his hands and open they were both scanning the map. Finally in an obscure corner of the castle that Harry had never really even noticed before he saw her name. “There.” he said and shut the map with a snap taking off at a run, not even bothering to see if Ron was with him or not.

They had to go back by Slughorn's office which had thankfully cleared out some. He heard Ginny call out as they raced by but didn't stop to tell her what was going on, even with his longer stride he was finding it difficult to keep up with Harry.

When they reached the area where Ron had seen them they were forced to slow down. The halls were darker here and damp. Rounding another corner Ron slid on a slick stone and almost went down but he kept his feet. They were almost upon the spot where she should be when out of a doorway McLaggen staggered.

His eyes were wild. His once pristine shirt showed traces of dirt and what may have been blood but it was too dark to tell for sure.

Harry spun back and before Ron even knew what happened had McLaggen pinned to the wall, his wand to his throat. “What happened?” Harry ground out

It was as if McLaggen couldn't even see them. He was unfocused, shaking and didn't seem to have heard Harry.

“What happened?” Harry asked again, this time louder.

Ron approached from behind, lighting his wand as he did. When he ran it over McLaggen's front he blanched. Blood. Everywhere.

“Who's blood is that?” Ron said, voice so low it was almost a growl

McLaggen looked down now, actually responding to them. He visibly gagged when he saw his shirt and hands. “Oh Merlin...no...no.no.no.no.no...I didn't....I didn't know...”

Harry shoved him into the wall, hard. “Where is she?”

But McLaggen didn't seem to be hearing them again. “WHERE IS SHE?” Harry roared

Ron flinched at the sound. He could begin to hear all the blood in his body rushing to his head. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all.

McLaggen looked at them unseeing. “I didn't know...I couldn't stop...she...I didn't know...”

Harry stepped back a foot stunned and then Ron took in the full state of McLaggen and saw his dress robes half off and trousers undone and he saw red.

“You sodding BASTARD!” he screamed as he brought his fist down repeatedly into McLaggen's face. He may have been big but Ron was bigger. They were on the ground now but McLaggen wasn't putting up much of a fight.

***********************************************************************

Harry saw the blood and saw McLaggen's clothes half off and thought he was going to be sick. If he had done....if that bastard had touched her....he couldn't complete the thought. Ron had launched himself at McLaggen and had begun to pummel him relentlessly. With a start he shoved off from them and sprinted into the darkness. Wand lit and scanning as he went he almost missed her. A soft glint caught his eye and he stopped to pick up the object he had located. Hermione's wand.

His stomach clenched and he bent automatically to retrieve it. Desperately he looked around and then just barely saw the outline of an alcove, practically hidden in the dark. He knew she was in there. He didn't know how or why he knew, but he just did.

On his hands and knees he scrabbled over and cast the strongest light spell he knew.

At first his brain couldn't register that this was actually Hermione. And for one terrifying moment he flashed back to the day at the ministry and when he had thought she was dead. That was nothing compared to this.

Her face was a mess. Blood coming from her nose, her mouth, her ears. The hair on the left side of her face was matted down and dark. He reached out a hand to touch her and then pulled it back, afraid he might hurt her more.

“Hermione.” he gasped, wondering how there was any air left in his body to form words.

“Hermione.” he said again, desperation making his voice crack “`Mione, please.” he begged. He heard a gurgle and realized it was her attempt to keep breathing, and then he took in the rest of her. The blouse and skirt he had earlier noticed were quite nice were now torn askew. Not a single button remained on her top and her skirt was shoved up around her waist.

“No....no.no.no.no.no. NO!” he raged “Oh gods `Mione, why?” he suddenly couldn't breath. He choked down the bile that rose in the back of his throat and as he looked at her broken form once again he could feel his magics start to rise, out of his control.

The tremor that shook the walls knocked chunks of rock and mortar out of the ceiling and settled around them. One bit of debris, larger than the rest came close to hitting Hermione in the head and in an instant Harry got himself back into control.

They needed to get her out of here, she needed to see Madame Pomfrey.

“Ron.” he attempted to say but what came out was choked and gravelly, his second attempt was more successful.

Ron finally staggered in behind him, fists bloodied and torn clenched at his side. When he saw Hermione he quickly turned around and emptied his stomach.

“We need to get her out of here.” Harry said, voice tight and unnatural sounding. Ron nodded as if he had heard him but there was no comprehension in his eyes. Then Harry noticed the wall behind Ron and the world swam for just a moment.

Scrawled in blood, what he could only assume had to be Hermione's, were the words

`EVEN YOUR MUDBLOOD WHORE ISN'T SAFE, POTTER. WHERE WILL YOU RUN TO NOW'

Ron's eyes followed his line of sight and he was almost sick again after reading the wall.

“Harr...” Ron began but Harry cut him off

“Not now.” his voice was stronger now. He needed to focus. Needed to think about what had to happen. Making sure that Hermione was ok was the only thing important right then.

Harry whipped the cloak of his dress robes off and wrapped it as gently as he could around Hermione. She moaned slightly as he laid the cover over her and he winced, hoping he hadn't caused her more pain.

He looked Ron hard in the eye and said only one word “McLaggen?”

Ron matched his look, understanding the unasked question. “Don't know.”

Harry nodded once. If McLaggen was dead, he honestly didn't care. After what he had done to Hermione he deserved whatever he got. Harry didn't take any more time to ponder that horrific thought. Before tonight the idea of having to kill someone had sickened and frighten him. Now though he knew where his line was.

Pointing his wand down the long corridor it took a moment before he could conjure a happy enough thought to cast his patronus. Prongs stood expectantly, waiting for his command. “Find McGonagall, tell her to meet us at the infirmary.” Prongs dropped his head in consent and then galloped away.

He threw the map at Ron “Find us the quickest, clearest way to the Hospital Wing.” he said, he didn't want anyone to see Hermione like this.

Then, as carefully as he could he slid his arms under Hermione and stood up, holding her securely. She grimaced as he rose and turned her face into his shoulder. Overcome with a wave of emotion he couldn't help leaning in and pressing a kiss to her hair “I promise you I will never let anyone hurt you again.” he whispered before making eye contact with Ron and nodding, letting him know he could start leading them towards their goal.

Ron's direction was true, they only ran into one Hufflepuff third year who merely yelped when she saw them and ran the other way.

Their head of house was pacing frantically in front of the Hospital Wing doors, Madame Pomfrey at her side when they turned the last corner. She ran to meet them half way and gasped, hand covering her mouth when she saw Hermione's face.

“Good Heavens! Potter. Weasley. What is the meaning of this? Who has done such a thing?” she demanded, not noticing that Harry had not stopped walking.

“Not here.” was all that he replied.

The school nurse met them at the door and ushered them to the nearest bed. Harry laid Hermione down as softly as he could and only backed up as far as he needed to let the nurse in to do her job. With a wave of his hand a curtain surrounded the bed, ensuring Hermione's privacy. No one commented on his use of wandless magic.

McGonagall appeared on the other side of the bed as Madame Pomfrey began to unwrap Hermione from Harry's cloak. “What has happened here, Mister Potter.” the nurse demanded.

“She has been beaten, hexed, cursed. I don't know with what though.” he stopped himself before he could go on. He could hardly think it, how could he say it. But he knew they needed all the information. “I think...I think she's been....”and he choked on the words and McGonagall's eye's flew to his, begging him to not say what she knew he was about to say “I think she's been raped.”

A high stained glass window blew out and he allowed a tear to escape before scrubbing a hand angrily across his face.

“Who...who could have done this?” the professor asked, her voice shrill

“McLaggen” it was Ron that had answered

She gasped “Surely not. Surely not another Gryffindor! I can't....” she aged in front of them and grasped the footboard to keep herself upright.

“It was McLaggen.” Harry confirmed, not trusting himself to say anything else.

Mcgonagall turned an eye on the two of them then and took in their ashen, stoney faces and Ron's bloodied fists and spray of red across his jumper before asking her next question. “Is he still alive?”

“Don't know.” Ron repeated

Harry waited for the expected explosion but none came. She merely closed her eyes tightly for a moment before turning her attention back to the nurse and Hermione.

The cloak had been magically cut away, not that Harry cared one bit, and when the two women saw what lay beneath it they tried immediately to get the boys to leave. “Out of here you two.” the nurse said briskly

“We're not leaving.” Harry said harshly

“Now see here..” but she was cut off by a look from the transfiguration professor and a shake of her head.

“I'm not going to interfere. And I won't be in your way. But she's not leaving my sight.” Harry stated and Minerva knew nothing short of stunning him would get him to leave.

“You can stay Potter, but please be mindful of Miss Granger's privacy.” she added, unnecessarily. Harry nodded and to show he meant what he said he turned his back to the bed but didn't take one more step away from her.

“Mister Weasley, I'll need you to come with me for a moment and tell me exactly where this atrocity took place. I'll need to contact Albus as well.”

Ron began to protest but Harry said “Please Ron.” and he nodded his consent. As Ron passed by him Harry reached out and grabbed his arm “When you come back, will you stand watch just outside?” eyes moving to the opening of the curtain to indicate what he meant.

Ron clapped a hand on Harry's arm as well “Yeah mate, no worries. Want me to contact the D.A?”

“Not yet.” Harry said immediately, he had no idea who they could trust. McLaggen had been a Gryffindor. “I don't know what or who we're dealing with. After Hermi....” he closed his eyes for a moment to regain his composure “After Hermione wakes up and we talk to her we'll see, until then it's you and me.”

Ron understood and went through the curtain ahead of the professor who had been staring at the exchange with a sort of horrified fascination. Right in front of her, she had just witnessed Harry Potter change from The Boy Who Lived into the man that she now knew would defeat Voldemort. Harry was giving orders and Ron was taking them, without question. He would make a fine second she thought before giving Harry a small pat on the back and following Ron, hating that she would have to be the one to tell Albus what had transpired this night.

3. Break

Author's Note: Thank you again for the lovely reviews! I want to remind everyone that this story is rated PG-13 so I hope that helps you understand I do not intend to go into any graphic details. Please, keep reading and keep reviewing and tell all your friends!

WARNING: This chapter contains mention of a possible sexual assault. Please stop reading if this makes you uncomfortable in any way.

Ron followed the professor to Madame Pomfrey's office mutely. He had never expected the night to turn out like this. The idea that....that Hermione...His stomach rolled again and he had to push the thought out of his mind for now. Seeing her lying on the ground, broken and beaten...everything had changed then. The last few weeks were gone. Insignificant. Childish and forgotten. He couldn't even remember right now what they had been fighting about.

And he didn't think he could have felt anything right then if he had tried. He was numb. His hands didn't even seem as if they were still attached to his body and there was a high pitched buzzing sound in his head. He didn't know how long he stood in front of the healer's desk before something broke through.

“...easley....Mister Weasley!” came the shrill voice of Professor McGonagall, drawing him back to the present.

“Uh....sorry. I'm sorry professor...I...” he gulped and went to run a nervous hand through his hair but stopped short when he saw the remains of his fight with McLaggen all over them.

McGonagall noticed and pushed him into the nearest chair before performing a cleaning charm and something else he wasn't familiar with but a pleasant warmth seeped through the hands he hadn't known were throbbing in pain although still bruised and torn. “I'm not as proficient as Madame Pomfrey, but that should do for now.” she said tersely.

He waited expectantly for her dressing down. Dead or not, his actions were still about as bad as one could do at Hogwarts. He fully expected to have his wand broken and be thrown in Azkaban. But oddly enough he didn't care and if given the chance he wouldn't change a thing.

“I need you to tell me where this occurred. We will need to see to Mister McLaggen's bod....” she stopped herself and started again “He is still a student here and until we determine the reason behind this attack we will not deny him assistance.”

Ron did his best to tell her where it had happened without having to pull out the Marauder's Map.

“Thank you, Mister Weasley. The Headmaster should be here shortly. I will go see to Mister McLaggen.”

“Professor, you should know. There was a message left on the wall. Left for Harry.” Ron couldn't meet her eyes

“What did the message say?” she inquired

“I can't...I can't...” Ron stuttered. Reading it once had been bad enough, to have to repeat it....he just couldn't.

“Very well.” she said understandingly

Finally he had to ask “Professor, what's going to happen to me?”

“This is war, Mister Weasley. And we do not yet know the state of Mister McLaggen.” she said in the kindest tone he had ever heard her use with him before “There is a muggle expression, I believe it is `Don't borrow trouble'.” she put a hand on his shoulder as she passed him “Stay with your friends.”

As soon as she was out of sight he walked back into the main area of the infirmary. The curtains Harry had conjured were still shut tight and he couldn't hear anything coming from behind them.

He drug a chair from a nearby bed and sat it right next to the entrance to the makeshift room. Ron pulled his wand and slumped into the seat, keeping his promise to Harry to stand guard.

The longer he sat the more his thoughts tumbled around in his head. And the growing wave of guilt was threatening to overtake him. If he had just followed them when he had first seen them none of this would have happened. Hermione wouldn't have been hurt. Angry tears clouded his vision and he wanted to do nothing more than the stalk up and down the floor, but he had told Harry he would stay right there and he didn't intend to ever let them down again.

He had fixed his gaze resolutely on the floor in front of him, hazy from the tears he refused to allow himself to shed. And then suddenly his field of vision was broken by the embroidered hem of the headmaster's robes.

“Ronald.” his voice said gently “I would like to see Harry and Miss Granger.”

Ron nodded absently but still the headmaster didn't make a move.

“If you would be so kind as to lower your wand, Mister Weasley.” he said and Ron realized that he did indeed have his wand pointed at Albus Dumbledore.

Dropping it like a hot rock Ron began to sputter out an apology but was cut off “Never apologize for protecting your friends.” and Ron got the impression he wasn't just talking about the wand incident.

But before he crossed behind the curtain he turned back. “You should know, Mister McLaggen is still with us.” and Ron let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding.

Ron nodded his understanding and collapsed back into the chair feeling like a puppet who's strings had been cut.

*********************************************************************

Harry heard Ron and the professor exit but he couldn't say that he saw them. He wasn't sure he was seeing anything right then. Madame Pomfrey continued to work behind him. He would occasionally hear her tut or mutter something under her breath and the clink of potion bottles but he never turned around.

The conversation he had overheard earlier between Snape and Malfoy didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered except ending this. He had known for sure since the end of last year that it was going to be up to him to take down Voldemort but he always thought he would have more time. This...hurting Hermione to hurt him...it had gone too far, too soon.

He was waging an internal battle. One side of him was suddenly seeing things clearly, seeing the big picture and the ramifications of what Voldemort in power would mean. Taking the time to enact an effective counter attack seemed like the most logical choice. And then the other side of him wanted to do nothing less than wipe McLaggen and Malfoy and every other Death Eater along with their master off the face of the earth. And that side didn't want to wait.

And then a voice rose up in him and reminded him that neither of those things mattered until Hermione was whole again.

The last four months had been so strained for them. With Hermione and Ron fighting so much he didn't want to take sides but it was hard to keep things going as normal. The damn potions book didn't help either. He knew Hermione didn't approve of him using the notes written in the margins and his newfound proficiency had also seemed to rub her the wrong way. He'd throw the book away in a second now if it would make her better.

They hadn't felt like them in a long time. He couldn't remember the last time they hung out without there being tension of some sort. Rubbing his temple he sighed heavily. It seemed so pointless now. Such a waste of time. He had been so distracted by his suspicions of Malfoy he had let everything else fall by the wayside.

A memory from earlier in the evening surfaced and he had to take his glasses off and push the heel of his palms into his eyes to keep from completely losing it. Suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. The formal tie and his tightly buttoned shirt were constricting his throat. He pulled angrily at the bow and let it hang lose around his neck and practically ripped the top button of the shirt off in his haste. All he could see was Hermione standing in front of him, flustered and nervous and trying to hide from McLaggen. If only he had pressed her, had insisted she stay with him then maybe none of this would have happened. But he had been too preoccupied and too irritated with her over her actions to do that. Instead he had abandoned her and let that monster beat her within an inch of her life and do....No. He had to stop before he lost control again.

Without even realizing it, Harry had begun to pace the small space at the foot of the bed like a caged lion, wand in one hand, glasses dangling in the other.

A soft clearing of a throat let him know they were no longer alone and in an instant he spun and his wand was already lit with a curse before he recognized the intruder as Albus Dumbledore.

“That is the second time I've been at the end of a student's wand in the last few minutes.” he said cryptically before stepping closer to the healer. “How is she, Poppy?” he asked, voice now grave.

Harry turned to the bed and saw that Hermione was now under the covers. The blood had been cleaned from her head and face but there was still bruising along her cheekbone.

“She'll live.” she said succinctly and Harry felt his knees immediately go weak. “There was considerable bruising. She had some broken bones, ribs mostly, but they have been mended. Cutting charms were used to inflict pain.” the disgust in her voice was evident “The worst of the damage is from the use of the cruciatas curse.” and Harry's hand clenched so tightly around his wand he could have sworn he heard the wood begin to protest.

The nurse looked up at him for the first time since she had begun speaking “As you know, Mister Potter, there is not much I can do for that.” Harry nodded blindly, horrorstruck that Hermione had been in such terrible pain.

“I have determined that she was given a potion that would have weakened her and eventually left her paralyzed. Only a few drops would have been necessary.”

It took everything Harry had not to find what was left of McLaggen and destroy it. She had been awake and helpless while he had done...

There was one thing that she hadn't mentioned yet.

“Was she raped?” the words burst from his mouth so quickly he couldn't have stopped them if he had tried. He instantly wished he could take them back.

Madame Pomfrey exchanged a hesitant look with the headmaster and did not answer him until he nodded his consent. “No.”

And with that one word his entire body felt like it had deflated, if Dumbledore had not hastily conjured a chair behind him he would have ended up on the ground.

He sat forward, head hanging between his knees taking big gulping gasps of air, relief flowing through him. When he had recovered he replaced his glasses and turned his attention back to the others.

“Thats not to say there wasn't an attempt.” she said slowly and his eyes went wild “You must understand, we do not know what Miss Granger's mental state will be when she wakes up. She may not wish to have you here.” the delivery was gentle but Harry got the message.

“Oh...of course...I mean...I don't want to do anything that would upset her or....or hurt her...or...” he stammered and took a moment to compose himself “But I'm not leaving her alone.” he said, his voice stronger “Someone is trying to hurt her to get to me and I'm not going to allow that to happen again.

“Harry. You must know this was not your fault.” the headmaster began but Harry jumped up and resumed his pacing.

“The message was meant for me! All of this-” he said vehemently, throwing his arms wide, “is because of me! No more!”

At Harry's outburst Ron stuck his head inside, wand out. “Everything ok, Harry?” he asked

Harry nodded and tried to calm himself down.

“Mister Weasley, why don't you join us.” and it was not lost on Dumbledore that he looked at Harry for confirmation before fully entering.

“We found Mister McLaggen where you left him.” the headmaster began, choosing to ignore Ron's twitch. “He is still alive.” this information was for Harry's benefit and he shot Ron a relieved look, not for McLaggen's sake, but for Ron's.

“Due to the...circumstances I chose to heal him as best I could and detain him elsewhere for now.” Harry noticed that Dumbledore deliberately did not say where McLaggen was being detained.

“We will need to talk to him further when he comes round again but I will have to say that I believe Mister McLaggen was under the Imperious curse.”

Harry let the information sink in for a moment. As much as he hated to admit it, it made sense. McLaggen was a right git but he had never come across as someone capable of doing something so terrible. “Do we know who was controlling him?” Harry asked, voice more sure than he actually felt.

“Not at the moment. But considering the nature of the message left, I don't think we would be remiss in assuming that Death Eaters are involved.”

Harry nodded, scrubbing a tired hand across his face. He had his suspicions as to who could be behind this and Malfoy was at the top of the list but he knew he needed to bide his time and get some more evidence before saying anything. And he couldn't forget about needing to get the information about Voldemort out of Slughorn. But he was determined now to stop working alone.

Madame Pomfrey was now casting slightly perturbed glances at everyone surrounding the bed, including the headmaster. Before she could start issuing orders however, Dumbledore spoke up “I believe, since we as of yet do not know if Miss Granger is still in harm's way it would be beneficial to allow Misters Potter and Weasley to remain with her until she wakes up. After that it will be Miss Granger's decision as to whether you stay or not.”

Harry shot him a grateful look and bobbed his head once to let him know he understood, glad that now he didn't have to challenge the nurse seeing as he had no intention of leaving.

“I must take my leave now--there are things to which I must attend.” Dumbledore said, sounding much older than he usually did.

After he was gone and Madame Pomfrey had checked on Hermione one last time she gave the boys a glare, letting them know that she didn't exactly approve of what the headmaster had allowed.

“Let me know when she wakes up.” she requested before leaving as well.

When it was just the three of them the silence stretched on. Finally Ron summoned the courage to speak. “So, how is she?”

Harry was quiet and Ron was about to repeat himself when he spoke “He crucio'd her.”

The air was still until Ron put his foot through the chair next to him.

Again. Silence. Both fixedly watching her breathe, as if they could somehow will her back to consciousness.

Ron repaired the chair and turned it around to face the gap in the curtains and made sure he was securely seated. “Did he...” but he didn't even get to finish the question.

“No.” Harry cut him off before he could finish and Ron allowed his head to drop back in silent thanks.

Harry brought the chair Dumbledore had conjured to the foot of her bed and sat, his wand laying across his right thigh.

They didn't say another word to each other, nothing needed to be said. They would stand sentry as long as was necessary.

Harry lost track of time. Eventually Ron stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossed his arms across his chest and fell asleep. But Harry couldn't. All he could do was watch her lay there, so still. He tried to let his mind go blank but he was unable to keep the nights events from playing on a continuous loop in his head.

Madame Pomfrey slipped in and out as the night wore on. Professor McGonagall came back as well, he could hear her softly whispering with the healer outside the curtains but she didn't come in. The only light in the space came from a bright moon shining through a high window but his eyes had adjusted. At some point Crookshanks had snuck in and jumped in Harry's lap, his squished face turned towards his mistress, joining their meager guard.

Harry himself was fighting sleep and was considering waking Ron up so he could nod off when he noticed movement coming from the bed.

Hermione's head was moving slowly, imperceptibly almost. He sat forward in his chair so quickly the half kneazle was dumped rather unceremoniously on the ground. With a disgruntled shake he stalked to the other side of the bed to watch.

He almost woke Ron but something he couldn't explain told him not to. He didn't want to scare her. Didn't want to make anything worse for her than it already was.

She groaned and moved her hand, her fingers clutching at the scratchy hospital blanket. Without thinking he reached out and wrapped his hand around hers. At his touch her eyes flew open and all he saw was her fear.

“Hermione! It's ok, you're safe.” he said as quiet and gently as he could but he knew his voice sounded shaky

She didn't seem to hear him or understand what he was saying. Her eyes were wild, darting desperately around the small space until they landed on him.

“Hermione. It's me...it's Harry. You're ok now.” he couldn't tear his gaze from hers and he saw as she finally heard him, finally realized where she was.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out at first. The lost look on her face was too much and he came to the edge of the bed, taking her hand again. “You're ok `Mione, I promise. We found you...Ron and I...we found you.”

And then he witnessed something he hoped he never had to see again. He watched as she remembered. Everything. Her eyes filled with tears and her mouth opened and shut several times until finally a wail emerged.

He had never felt so helpless. He didn't know what to do. His entire world had narrowed to the girl breaking in front of him and he was at a complete loss.

She was curling in on herself, and had clenched on to his hand with more force than he had thought possible.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ron wake with start, limbs splaying so suddenly he almost ended up on the floor. He stood frantically, wand out, blinking rapidly until he saw that what had woken him was Hermione.

She was still making that horrific sound and Harry didn't know what to do. She was pulling on his hand but he didn't think she actually knew what she was doing and he didn't want to scare her.

“Hermione....Hermione...it's ok. You're safe.” he was desperate now and thought about summoning Madame Pomfrey.

Her grip was fierce and then he realized that she wasn't just making indecipherable sounds, she was saying his name over and over again through her sobs.

“Oh gods `Mione...I'm here. It's ok.” he said

Suddenly she launched herself at him. Tangling in the covers and weakened by her ordeal she didn't get very far but his seeker reflexes kicked in and he caught her up in his arms so she wouldn't fall.

He lowered them both to the bed as it seemed like she was trying to crawl into him. Her fingers scrabbled on the front of his shirt as if she couldn't get close enough. He didn't know if what he was doing was right but it felt like it was. Harry wrapped his arms around her more securely brushing her hair off her face and whispering over and over in her ear that she was safe.

His eyes met Ron's who was standing at the foot of the bed looking incredibly sad.

Madame Pomfrey came rushing into the room with Professor McGonagall right behind her.

When the healer saw where her patient was she leveled Harry with a stern glare but didn't say anything as she began to run her wand over Hermione as best she could.

Their head of house came to the side of the bed and spoke softly to Hermione. When she laid a hand on her head Hermione bucked violently and Harry had trouble keeping hold of her. “NO!!” she screamed, dissolving again in great wracking sobs.

McGonagall jerked her hand back as if it were burned. They were all silent for a moment, the only sounds coming from the girl breaking apart in front of them.

Madame Pomfrey left a glass on the side table “Get her to drink that soon.” she said, looking at Harry pointedly. “Come Minerva, she is in good hands.” her words shocking Harry, as she ushered the lost looking professor out of the room.

Ron inched closer to the bed but didn't dare try touching Hermione after seeing what had happened just moments before.

Her sobs quieted some, she wasn't shaking the entire bed anymore but she still held to the front of Harry's shirt as if she would fly apart if she didn't. Sobbing girls were not exactly his forte but strangely enough he didn't feel uncomfortable. If this is what Hermione wanted right then he would certainly not be the one to deny it to her.

Slowly she began to calm down until she was just sniffling quietly. Harry brought a tentative hand up from where it had rested on her back and brushed the hair from her face. She reached up and grabbed his hand, bringing it down to rest between them and then he heard her gasp in pain and press their clasped hands to the top of her chest.

He knew that feeling. The after affects of crucio could cause waves of pain, especially where the spell had been focused. As gently as he could he disentangled their hands and reached for the potion.

“Hermione. You need to drink this.” he cajoled

She shook her head and buried it further in his neck. He exchanged a look with Ron who came and gingerly sat on the side of the bed. He held out his hand for the flask. “`Mione.” said Ron as quietly as possible “It'll make you feel better. Please `Mione.”

Her head came around at his words and she shot a skeptical look at the bottle. In an instant Harry knew why she was reluctant to take the potion. McLaggen had drugged her and thats why she had been helpless to do anything.

“I promise, it's just to help you sleep and take away the pain.” again she resisted. “Ron and I aren't going anywhere. Promise `Mione, you're safe. We're not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Her eyes shot to his and he could see the shame she felt at feeling like she couldn't handle this. That they could deal with later, right now she needed to rest.

Ron held it out again “We've got you. And look, Crookshanks is here too, you've got the best three bodyguards in all of Hogwarts.”

She gave the smallest nod of acceptance and began to reach a shaky hand. Ron helped guide the bottle to her mouth and tip it back wincing along with her at the unpleasant taste.

After he sat the bottle down she shocked him by grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers before settling back against Harry. Crookshanks jumped lightly to the bed and curled up behind Ron on Harry's outstretched legs.

Within a few minutes her breathing had evened out and she was asleep. Harry allowed his head to drop against the head board, exhausted in every possible way.

Ron summoned the chair and propped his feet up, not letting go of Hermione's hand.

“Take a kip, mate. I'm good.” he said to Harry

Harry gave a half smile of appreciation and let his tired eyes slip shut. For the next few hours before sunrise the trio stayed this way, Hermione anchored between the boys, Ron keeping watch and Harry, even in sleep, not letting his hold on her lessen.

4. Promises

Author's Note:

Thank you again for all the fantastic reviews!! I'm now going to admit a deficiency and tell you that for the life of me I cannot figure out how to reply to individual reviews! I know I've done it before I just don't remember how. So, if anyone would mind taking pity on me and leaving me a review with the info that would be fantastic!

I hope this chapter isn't a let down. It's all Hermione. All in her head and what she's feeling. I hope I haven't rushed things. It's a delicate position to write.

WARNING: There is the barest hint of mention of sexual assault in this chapter but I wanted to be safe. If this upsets you in any way please stop reading.

The first time she woke up it was still dark. For a moment she thought she was in her own bed, until the distinctive smell of the hospital wing made her remember where she was and why she was there. Her chest ached and occasional stabs of pain made themselves known. She shifted slightly, trying to ease her discomfort when her `bed' moved as well.

Harry's arms tighten over her in his sleep and she stiffened immediately before it registered exactly where she was. She remembered bits and pieces of the hours before. But the memories were too painful and she burrowed her head further into his chest and allowed herself to slip to sleep once again.

The second time she woke up it was light. The clanging of potion bottles drew her from her daze. Peering through barely slit eyes she saw Madame Pomfrey at the bedside but the healer didn't seem to realize her patient was awake and slipped from the room.

Underneath her, Harry slumbered peacefully. She could just make out the corner of Ron's shoe and her hand was still in his even after all this time. Physically she felt better. The ache in her chest was present but not as bad as it had been. Her mind however, felt numb. She couldn't, didn't want to remember. Didn't want to talk about what had happened with him. Didn't want to re-live what had driven her so far gone that she had insulated herself between her two best friends.

The idea that Hermione Granger didn't want to analyze every part of this situation. That she didn't want to delve straight in and discover its root cause would shock everyone that knew her. But she wanted no part of it. She wanted to just be lost.

She didn't know how long she laid there simply staring. If she had been whole, a large part of her would have been screaming to get off of Harry, be strong, go after him, stop wallowing and move on. But that part of her was buried right then.

She knew when Harry began to wake up. His chin rubbed across the top of her head and a hand came up to brush some of her hair out of his face. His hand dropped back down to rest on her hip and she felt him grasp the blanket covering her.

A few more fidgeting movements and then she heard and felt his breath catch. He knew she was awake.

His heartbeat sped up which for some detached reason made her smile a little although she didn't look at him. She hoped he wouldn't say anything even though she knew he would. She didn't want to talk. Even to him.

She felt him swallow thickly and felt the rumble in his throat as his sleep heavy voice tried to stay low to avoid scaring her. “Hermione...are you...are you alright?”

She didn't answer. Didn't blink. Didn't acknowledge at all that she had heard him even though she had.

He tried again, voice even softer now “`Mione...please...are you in pain? Do you want me to get Madame Pomfrey.”

Now she was in trouble. If he thought she was hurting he would leave and she couldn't handle that right then. She gave a short shake of her head.

She knew he was struggling with what to say, knew that what he had done for her last night had gone above and beyond what she ever could have expected out of him. So far outside of his own comfort zone he had to be operating on pure luck and instinct.

Ron had been watching them carefully and she had the distinct impression that he and Harry were communicating with looks over her head. When his hand began to slip from hers she knew she was right.

“I'll be right back, Hermione. I'm going to let Pomfrey know you're awake.” Ron said gently and she winced internally at the tone, knowing that everything had changed.

Her empty fingers reached for his for a second before she brought the hand back up and tucked it between her and Harry.

Harry didn't say anything. She felt his hand twitch once, twice and then tentatively reach up and fall ever so slightly down the back of her hair. The unexpected gesture made her eyes well with tears and she clamped them shut, biting her lip to keep from making a sound.

Soon enough their quiet was broken. Madame Pomfrey swept in, Professor McGonagall and the headmaster right behind her. For a moment Hermione felt a rush of panic and she pushed herself closer to Harry and felt him hold her a little tighter and murmur words of assurance in her ear that she was safe.

To her credit the healer picked up on her discomfort. “Perhaps we should all give Miss Granger some privacy while I examine her.” her tone was clipped and brooked no dissent. Again, Ron and Harry seemed to have perfected non verbal communication and she saw the curtains part as Ron stepped out.

“I am very glad you are back with us Miss Granger.” said the headmaster “I would like to speak with you when you are feeling up to the task.” and with a bow of his head he turned, placed an object she couldn't see on the table and exited.

It had never occurred to her that Harry would leave, so when she felt him shift under her and begin to place her on the bed alone she panicked. Before she could stop “No!!” ripped from her throat with so much force it hurt.

Everyone in the room froze. Harry recovered first and slid right back in where he had been, as if nothing had happened. “It's ok, it's ok” he reassured her “I wasn't leaving. I was just going to stand right over there.” he said and pointed with his chin. But she was shaking so hard now her teeth were clattering. She hated this. This fear. This dependance. But if she stopped to think about why she felt this way she only saw him and what had happened and she couldn't think of that right now. It was easier to cling to Harry, shoving aside whatever consequences that may bring, than to acknowledge reality.

She felt like a shattered windshield that hadn't quite broken apart yet, and with every small jostle the fragile bonds holding her together got more and more strained. Soon she was going to explode in a million tiny shards.

Would she be able to be put back together again?

She tried to control her breathing and calm herself down.

“I'll be right there, `Mione. Five steps away. I won't leave. I promise.” and ever so slowly he lowered her to the bed and helped her lay back on the pillows, while she clenched her eyes tight and wrapped her arms around herself. She felt more than heard him pause before he backed away and stood right where he said he would at the foot of the bed.

Madame Pomfrey proceeded to run diagnostic spells with practiced ease and didn't push her to talk. She could tell that her head of house however, was anxious to speak.

A flask filled with blue liquid was suddenly in front of her face and she startled and then Harry was two steps closer.

“Miss Granger, you need to take this.” she insisted but Hermione shook her head.

The healer reached a hand out towards the back of her neck as if to assist her and the whine of panic began in her head as a wave of cold sweat broke across her.

Suddenly, Harry was there. His body half blocking her from the nurse as he deftly plucked the potion from her fingers. “I'm sorry, Madame Pomfrey.” he said in response to her mouth flopping open in indignation. “What is this for?”

“It's for her pain Mister Potter.” she spit out, clearly perturbed at what was happening in her infirmary.

“It won't knock her out will it.?” he asked and Hermione's eyes shot to his face. How had he know she was frightened of being unconscious again?

The healer looked at the both of them and with a nod of recognition assured them that it would not make her sleep.

She sagged against the pillows in relief and much like Ron had done the night before, allowed Harry to help her take the potion. The ache in her chest disappeared immediately as did the fog in her head that she hadn't even known was there.

Harry handed the bottle back and then stepped from the bed.

Madame Pomfrey turned to talk to Professor McGonagall and for the first time she really looked at him. His hair was a fright, but it usually was. His glasses were slightly askew and his eyes were sad and surrounded by dark circles. His formal tie still hung around his neck and his dress shirt was a wrinkled mess and stained in several spots. His wand was still out and she wondered if it had been that way all night. But it was the set of his jaw and the way he held himself that let her known it had all changed.

She had little time to contemplate over what it all meant though when Professor McGonagall spoke up. “Hermione, dear. We know you've been through a terrible ordeal but.. we need to know, from you, what exactly happened.”

She knew this was coming. Of course they would need to know. Of course she would have to talk to them. But the thought of having to tell, in detail, everything that had happened make a wave of nausea pass over her so quickly she truly thought she would be sick.

“Professor Dumbledore has left us the use of his pensieve.” the professor said in haste “All we will need is your memory of last night.”

The relief she felt was overwhelming. To not have to speak of it. That was more than she could ask for right then. She knew that eventually she would have to. But not right now. Not right then.

She nodded her acceptance and then realized she had no idea where her wand was. Since she had first walked into Olivander's all those years ago, wide eyed and excited, she had never not known where her wand was, never not been further than an arm's reach from it. But before she could even begin to worry and wonder where it could be Harry pulled the familiar form from the waistband of his pants.

Once it was in her hands she immediately felt better, felt more like herself. She met Harry's eyes “Thank you.” she whispered, fully aware that these were the first voluntary words she had spoken.

McGonagall brought the pensieve over and held it out for Hermione. She glanced at Harry for support.

“All you have to do is think about...” and he stopped himself abruptly scrubbing a tired hand over his face as if he couldn't believe he was asking her to do this. He tried again “You have to think about the memory you want and then just draw it out and place it in the bowl.”

She bit her lip and took a shuddering breath. She could do this.

She raised her wand to her head and then reached a hand out to Harry and laced her fingers through his.

Shutting her eyes, she concentrated on the night before, walking down the corridor towards Slughorn's office and seeing him waiting for her. She grimaced and did as Harry had said, pulling the memory out. It felt...strange was not the right word...it felt as if someone had stuck a feather inside her head and was waving it around. She saw the faint bluish wisp as she drew the memory out and placed it in the bowl.

She didn't open her eyes. She felt exhausted.

“That will do very well, Miss Granger.” Professor McGonagall said and took the bowl away.

“With your permission the headmaster and I would like to view this.”

Hermione nodded and what she said next shocked herself more than anyone. “I want to see it too.” she said it so quietly she didn't know at first if anyone had heard her and then Harry was kneeling next to the bed so that he could be at eye level with her.

“`Mione. You don't have to. They can watch it without you.” he said, clearly worried for her.

She opened her eyes and saw his green ones so filled with concern her breath caught. “I have to, Harry. I have to know...” and she choked on the words “I have to know what he...” and she couldn't go on. She knew what her last memory was, knew what he was doing when she finally lost consciousness. Her short lived resolve faltered and the tears returned.

The hand that wasn't captured by hers reached up and stroked her head before he let out a long sigh. “She doesn't know.” he said to no one in particular. His head moved forward until their foreheads were touching “He didn't hurt you...” and he cut himself off with a dark laugh, saying she hadn't been hurt was ridiculous. “He didn't hurt you...like that...he didn't `Mione, I swear.” and the desperation in his voice made her heart break, how much he needed her to know.

And then Harry's words finally sunk in and she realized that the cold clench in her stomach this entire time had been that particular unknown. “Oh gods.” she gasped, completely unable to stop her tears.

Harry didn't move, he just let her cry.

She hated this. All the holes in her memory. All the not knowing. She knew she would need to watch the memory. Knew there were things in there that would answer her questions. Her earlier desire to let it go was quickly fading.

Steeling herself she wiped her face with the sheet and gave Harry's hands a squeeze before turning towards the others. “I'd like to watch it as well.” and she saw the shocked expressions on their faces and heard Harry's gasp of surprise.

“Miss Granger, that is not necessary.” came Professor McGonagall's incredulous voice.

Hermione leveled her gaze “Yes. It is.”

“Very well then. The headmaster and I will view it first and then make it available to you, if that is acceptable.”

She nodded, scared but relieved she would get some answers.

“I would like you to get some rest now.” Madame Pomfrey spoke up “And I believe it wouldn't hurt if Mister Potter got some food and a change of clothes.”

Her eyes went wide at thought of Harry leaving, but she couldn't keep him here with her indefinitely. She needed to be strong. “Of course.” she said quickly before turning back to Harry. “You should go, Harry. I'll be fine.” voice falsely bright.

But he wasn't buying it for a second, and he leveled her with his eyes “I told you. I'm not going anywhere.”

“I appreciate what you've done for me but...” and she trailed off, she couldn't actually bring herself to finish the sentence, it would be a lie, she didn't want Harry to leave.

His hand zipped out and directed her chin towards him, making sure their eyes were locked before he said anything “I'm. Not. Leaving. You. Alone.” he said, slowly and deliberately. And then she knew exactly how much last night had affected him as well.

She swallowed heavily and nodded sharply.

“But if you promise to get some rest first I'll go get cleaned up. Ron can come sit with you.” he offered

“Thats really not...Ok, if you think Ron won't mind.”

“He won't.” Harry answered quickly before calling out for their friend. She was shocked that he was still there, she had assumed he had left earlier.

Ron slunk through the curtains and she noticed that he too looked worn down.

“Hey Hermione.” he said quietly only coming as far as the foot of the bed.

She gave him a small smile “Hi, Ron.”

He started and stopped a few times before raising a hand to run through his already messy hair and she spotted his torn knuckles. “Oh Ron!” she exclaimed and held her hand out, beckoning him to come closer “What happened?” she asked as he placed a hand in hers for inspection. She didn't miss yet another exchange between the two boys but she chose not to ask them about it now. “Nothing to worry about, `Mione. Promise.”

Harry spoke up “I'm going to grab a change of clothes quick and Hermione here has promised to take a nap, do you mind...?”

“No, mate. Not at all.” Ron said quickly

She didn't quite like all these decisions being made for her without having a say but she was feeling rather tired.

“I'll be back as soon as I can.” Harry said to her and then before she could utter a word, pressed an unexpected kiss to her hair and left, grabbing what looked like his dress robes as he did.

Madame Pomfrey again impressed upon her how important it was that she sleep and Professor McGonagall told her she would be back soon with the pensieve and before she knew it it was just her and Ron in the small space.

He gave her another awkward half smile and pulled up a chair, letting his wand rest against his leg.

She knew they needed to talk and she knew that he knew they needed to talk, but he cut her off before she could begin.

“Just go to sleep Hermione. We'll be here when you wake up.” he reassured her, before purposely turning his head towards the opening in the curtain.

She thought about protesting but her eyes were heavy and sleep sounded like a very good idea. As she began to drift off she felt comfort in the knowledge that, for the moment, she was safe.

5. Center

Author's Note:

Seriously! Amazing reviews! Thank you all so much. I would reply individually but...I don't know how. Embarrassing.

This chapter is told from Harry's POV. Still slow going for now. Thanks for sticking in there.

And don't get used to such quick updates. This one was ready early and you've been so great with the reviews and it was the weekend so I figured...why wait.

WARNING: This chapter contains very brief mention of sexual assault. No details. Nothing graphic. If this disturbs you in any way please stop reading now.

Walking out of the hospital wing was one of the hardest things Harry had ever had to do. It wasn't that he didn't trust Ron. He did. He just couldn't forgive himself for leaving her alone the night before, for allowing all of this to happen. But even he couldn't deny that a change of clothes were in order. One sleeve of his shirt was crusted with her blood and he had been careful to keep it from her view. Luckily he seemed to have been successful.

The corridors were blissfully empty for once. He had no semblance of time, though he figured most students would be packing for the ride home tomorrow. He was supposed to be going to the Burrow with the Weasleys, but now...he didn't know.

When he reached the Gryffindor common room he had to wrack his brain for a moment before the password came to him. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had left this spot on his way to Slughorn's party.

He had what remained of his dress robes draped over his left arm, hoping to hide the worst of the staining. In an ideal world the common room would be vacant and he would be able to slip upstairs without notice.

But that was not to be the case.

Ginny, Lavender and Neville sat by the fire talking softly while Seamus and Dean were playing a game of Wizard's Chess.

No one seemed to notice at first that he had come in and he was halfway across the room before Seamus let out a low whistle.

“Well, well.” he called out jovially “Look who's doing the `walk of shame' this morning.” he said with a laugh and began to give Harry a mock bow.

All Harry saw was red, his vision hazed over and the cloak fell from his arm. In two long strides he had Seamus by his shirt shoved up against the wall, the table holding the chess pieces clattering to the floor beside them.

“You shut your stupid mouth, Finnegan!!” he said, enraged “You don't know what you're talking about!!!!” he shook Seamus so hard his head knocked against the wall and Harry heard his teeth clank together.

Seamus' face was set in fear and anger and then suddenly there were hands on him but he shook them off fiercely, wishing he could do nothing more than pound Seamus' face into the wall.

Then Neville's face was in his, his hands pushing on his chest and Harry had no choice but to let go and step back.

Neville kept pushing until a chair hit the back of his legs and he was forced to sit.

No one said anything for the longest time. All that could be heard were the labored breathing of Harry and Seamus.

“Harry. What's happened?” Ginny asked, her face pinched in worry.

He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He would never betray Hermione's trust in him by blurting out the details, but he knew how Hogwarts worked. He knew that some story would begin to make the rounds, truth or not.

“Harry! Please! Is it why Ron and Hermione are missing as well?” she asked again and then she took in his condition, saw his blood covered shirt and torn up robes “Oh Merlin! Harry, is that your blood? Are you hurt? Where are Ron and Hermione?” the questions came out one on top of the other.

“It's Hermione's blood.” he answered absently, suddenly feeling so incredibly drained

“Hermione's!” Neville exclaimed.

“Harry, how is Ron? Please tell me he's ok.” this latest, more frantic voice belonged to Lavender and Harry couldn't take it anymore. He jumped to his feet and looked at all the expectant faces surrounding him.

“Look, Hermione was attacked last night. Ron and I....we found her and we've been with her since then. I don't know who and I don't know why.” the last part was a lie, he knew exactly why she had been targeted. To get to him. He saw them all get ready to speak again and he held up a hand “She's going to be fine.” but the way he said it he knew it would garner him a suspicious look from Ginny “I don't want anyone to bug her or try to go visit her.”

They were all quiet for a moment, letting Harry's words sink in.

“Is Ron alright? Harry, please tell me.” Lavender's ridiculous face was turned up towards him and it took all he had not to go off again on the simpering girl.

“Ron's fine.” Harry spat out “I'll be sure to pass your concern along to Hermione.” he knew he was being cruel but he didn't know how she could be so self-centered at a time like this.

Lavender looked properly chagrined and slunk back to a chair further away from Harry.

He ran a hand through his hair and gave a heavy sigh before crossing to where Seamus now sat. “I'm sorry mate, you just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. It's been a long night.” and stuck his hand out as a peace offering

Seamus studied him for a moment and then took his hand. “Sorry about Hermione.”

Harry was just about to head up the stairs when Neville's voice made him stop.

“Harry, is there anything we can do?” and Harry knew exactly what he was asking. Did they need to get the D.A together? Was this linked to Voldemort?

Harry shook his head before answering “Not yet.” and then continued upstairs to the thankfully empty dormitory.

The first thing he did was dump his dress robes, shirt and pants in the rubbish bin, hoping to never lay eyes on them again. He allowed himself a twenty minute shower and when he found that the droning pulse of the spray was starting to lull him to sleep he flicked the lever off with a sharp twist of his wrist.

Five minutes later he was heading back down the stairs dressed in a pair of corduroys and the jumper Mrs. Weasley had made him last Christmas.

Ginny and Neville were where he had left them, heads pressed close together, no doubt going through every possible scenario they could come up with. Lavender was still sulking in the corner. When he hit the bottom step Ginny and Neville jerked apart with a start and had the good sense to look sheepish.

Ginny stood up and made her way over to him “Harry, are you sure I can't go with you.”

“Not right now, Gin. I'll tell Hermione you asked though.” he said magnanimously, hoping it would put her off the scent but knowing that probably wouldn't be the case.

“What is it you're not telling us, Harry? How bad was she hurt?” she stepped closer and dropped her voice so only the two of them could hear her. “Who did it? Was it that McLaggen git, I saw him getting a little handsy with her at the party...” but she was cut off by a glass sconce near the fireplace bursting into a million pieces.

He had to get control of his magic!

Harry grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her over to a space near the stairs where they had greater privacy. The look on her face told him that she knew she was right. “Not one word Ginerva! Do you understand me?” he hissed. He was sure that at some point the speculation was going to go to McLaggen as he was `missing' as well but he didn't want any of their friends to be the ones starting the rumor. “You can't say anything about what you suspect to anyone.”

She looked slightly fearful of him and he dropped her arm from his grip. “Please, Ginny. If Hermione is your friend you'll do this and if not for her then do it for Ron.”

The gravity of the situation was settling with her and she simply nodded “Of course, Harry, of course. Hermione's like a sister to me. I won't breathe a word of it.”

“Thank you. I've got to be getting back now, Ron's sitting with her.” as he turned to leave though she grabbed him.

“He didn't...McLaggen didn't...” she said with a breathless voice, tinged with shock that she was even asking such a thing.

He wasn't expecting that and was unable to school his face in time, allowing his features to betray him. Ginny let out a moan and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other coming to cover her mouth. His eyes fell shut, hating that he had let this slip as well. “He tried.” was all he said. He didn't say anything else to Ginny, just pleaded to her silently to stay quiet and she nodded that she would.

She somewhat got a handle on her emotions “Tell her I'm so sorry and that...if she needs anything, anything at all I'm there for her.”

He gave her a tight smile and turned to leave but remember something at the last moment. “Would you mind grabbing Hermione a change of clothes out of her room.” he asked.

“Not at all.” she said, already scrambling up the stairs. “I'll be right back.”

He stood in solitude for the few minutes it took her, not sure if he moved at all. And then Ginny was back shoving a small bag into his hands. “I put some pajamas in there as well and the book she had by her bed, just in case.” she said, anxious to help in any way she could.

“Thanks Gin. We'll let you know when we can.” and then he walked out of there as fast as he could.

When he entered the hospital wing again there was no one to be seen, even Madame Pomfrey seemed to have vanished. He slipped quietly through the curtains and was both glad and saddened to see Ron's wand raise slightly until he recognized Harry.

“How is she?” he whispered.

“Sleeping. I think.” Ron replied.

Harry just stared at her sleeping form for a minute before crossing his arms and standing at the foot of her bed. “I ran into Ginny, Neville and Lavender in the common room.” he said, purposely leaving out the part where he practically took Seamus' head off.

Ron just looked at him expectantly. “Ginny knows.”

Ron swore under his breath and shot a dark look in Harry's direction. “How?”

Harry sighed and dropped his chin to his chest. “She half figured it out on her own. The rest...I...I wasn't able to hide from her.” he admitted “I screwed up. Again.”

“Ginny's always been a little too perceptive for her own good. Guess it comes with being the youngest and a girl.” Ron said, no trace of malice in his voice and Harry risked looking at him. “And not to flog a dead thestral or anything but, this is not your fault.”

Harry shook his head in frustration “How exactly is this not my fault? I saw her there with him. I saw that she was upset and I did nothing!” His voice had gone from a whisper to strangled shout and Hermione's feet shifted under the covers. “And lets not forget what was written on the wall. In her blood!”

“Well this time you're wrong. It's really not all about you. You're not the one who drove her to ask the bastard out in the first place. You're not the one who couldn't stop arguing long enough to just have a damn conversation. You're not the one who knew she was only going with him to make you mad and if you had just backed down none of this would have happened!”

Harry couldn't help but give Ron a surprised look. “You knew?”

Ron looked insulted “Of course I knew. Hermione was too smart to go with a guy like him. I knew I had gone too far but I didn't know how to stop it and then she went and asked him and it made me mad so I figured I'd just see how far she'd take it.” he shook his head slowly “Too bloody far, is how far it went.”

“So, all of that with Lavender? What was that? Were you trying to make Hermione...jealous.” for some reason the work stuck in his mouth and he had funny feeling in the pit of his stomach

“Maybe. Yeah...I don't know.”Ron's expression was pained “I mean, I thought I fancied her, Hermione that is, but I think I've always just thought I should fancy her. But when Lavender kissed me that day I realized that fancying her and fancying Hermione were two different things. But at that point we were already in the middle of whatever this was and I didn't want to be the one to back down.”

Harry was silent for a long minute, he didn't want to ask, but something was pushing him to do so “So...you don't fancy Hermione anymore?” he asked as cautiously as he could

“No.” he said quickly, which seemed to surprise him as well as Harry. “When I saw her last night. When I realized what he had done to her...it was like I was seeing Ginny there. Like I was seeing my sister. It's not that I don't love her...I do...but not like that.” Harry's heart did a funny little jump at his words but he didn't dwell on it. Ron was still and Harry thought he may have been done talking when he took a deep breath and started again. “I've never wanted to kill anyone before, Harry. Not really, not actually mean it. But last night...I wanted him dead. He had hurt my family. What I did was driven by blood, not heart.”

Ron's words had shocked him, his friend had never been the most eloquent of speakers but there was nothing but conviction in what he had said.

He turned so he was facing Ron, Hermione in between them like the highest point on a triangle, “We both screwed up. And it's never going to happen again.”

“Never.” Ron agreed

They both went back to their respective spots, just waiting when suddenly, as if she had just vaporized out of thin air, Luna Lovegood glided past them giving neither of them a glance.

Ron startled and was half out of his seat but Harry held his hand out for him to be still.

Luna came to the side of Hermione's bed and perched herself delicately on the side. She picked up one of Hermione's hands and began to idly trace strange patterns over the top whilst humming some song. Harry could do nothing but watch in wonder. He and Ron both made their ways to each side of the bed as well until they were level with Hermione's head.

Luna's lilting voice broke the silence “She is the center, and the center must hold.” she laid Hermione's hand back down and then nimbly jumped off the bed.

“Thank you for taking me to the party, Harry. I had such a grand time.” she said with a bright smile before turning to Ron “Goodbye, Ronald.” and with a little wave of her fingers she glided right back out again as if she had never been there.

All Harry could do was stare after her. Luna was an enigma.

Ron stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth a few times. “I think I'm going to steal down to the kitchens, see if Dobby wouldn't mind fixing us up something. Thought she might like to have a bite to eat when she wakes up.”

Harry barely heard what Ron was saying though, Luna's words kept repeating in his head.

“Unless you don't want me to go.” he heard Ron say, dragging him from his stupor.

“Wha..um...kitchens? Yeah, that sounds good. I'm not hungry but...she might be.” Harry agreed.

In his peripheral vision he saw Ron head out and then stop right before he got to the exit, what he said made him reel “What you're doing Harry, thats heart.”

What did Ron mean by that? She was his friend. His best friend. Wouldn't anyone be this concerned about their best friend?

Would you be acting like this if it had been Ron that was attacked? a voice inside his head said.

Well, it's different, it's not the same situation, you can't compare the two.

Is it? Came the voice again. Was it because she was a girl or because she was Hermione?

He shook his head violently, as if he could shake off these thoughts.

What did Ron mean that what he was doing was heart? `Enough!' he thought. He couldn't spend any more time on this right now. It was pointless and there were many more important things to focus on.

Harry shuffled back to the foot of the bed and sunk into the chair Ron had formerly occupied letting his head fall to rest on the high back. He was glad Hermione seemed to be getting some rest at least. He was so tired, but he couldn't rest yet.

The clatter of a tray just outside the curtains brought him back to the present and he jumped up to help Ron. Harry held the curtain aside and watched as Ron carried in a humongous silver platter laden with sandwiches, soups, pastries, breads, and a large cask of something liquid. He sat it down with a thud on the nearest flat surface.

Once the food was in sight Harry's stomach growled. “Guess maybe I am hungry.” he admitted and took a sandwich and some pumpkin juice.

Ron was already on his second sandwich. “Dobby was right helpful when I told him this was for you and Hermione.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes “What do you think Luna meant?” Harry asked, clearly confused by the girls visit.

“Who knows mate, Luna's a strange bird.” Ron said, swiping a hand across his mouth before grabbing for another sweet.

“Yeah.”Harry agreed “But she seemed different today. Like maybe it meant something.”

Ron merely shrugged, food clearly a higher priority right then than speculating on the inner workings of Luna Lovegood's mind.

Professor McGonagall arrived back in the room about an hour later, pale faced and her mouth pinched in worry. She placed the pensieve on the bedside table and spent a moment looking down on her sleeping student.

“We have viewed Miss Granger's memory.” she said softly “You should both know that regardless of why Mister McLaggen acted the way he did he will no longer be a student at Hogwarts. The headmaster has already contacted his parents and sent him home.”

Harry shot angrily to his feet at hearing this. “Professor! How could you let him be sent home? What if he has information about who was behind this? What about what was written on the wall?” he was livid to think that their only link to Hermione's attack would be allowed to leave like this.

McGonagall gave him one of her trademark glares “You'd do well to remember that the headmaster himself has seen to this Potter. He already has what information he needs from Mister McLaggen.”

Harry didn't say anything in return, just clenched his jaw and turned away before he said something he might regret.

“How bad is it, Professor?” Ron was the one who asked

She visibly straightened before answering “It is not pleasant. Considering the violence of the attack...we should be grateful Miss Granger was not hurt any worse.”

Harry swore under his breath and grabbed the iron bed frame for support.

“If she is still determined to see this memory then I would encourage one or both of you to offer to view it with her.” she suggested gently

Harry nodded immediately, he had already thought of that, unless Hermione specifically told him he couldn't he wasn't going to leave her alone while she re-lived that night.

Ron swallowed thickly before nodding his head. “Yeah, of course Professor.”

“The pensieve is here, although I do believe some food and fresh clothes would be in order before she views the memory.” McGonagall said pointedly, as if she would hold them personally responsible if Hermione was not as prepared as she could be.

They both nodded mutely before becoming lost in their own thoughts, not sure how to feel about the idea of viewing that night through her eyes.

Not long after, Hermione began to stir. Harry watched her carefully as her eyes flickered open and for one second she didn't remember why or where she was but he knew the instant she did.

She pushed herself up gingerly and ran a hand over her hair before realizing she had an audience.

“Hey” she whispered softly

“How are you?” Harry asked

“I feel better. My chest doesn't hurt so much but there's this...”she trailed off as if she wasn't sure how to describe it.

“A burning sort of ache?” he finished for her

Her eyes narrowed, questioning as to how he could know exactly how she was feeling.

“He used crucio on you.” Harry said quietly, unable to look her in the eye as he did so.

Her mouth opened in a silent `O' for a moment before she spoke. “Oh well...yes..that makes sense then.”

He could hear how hard she was trying to sound normal, to sound like the old Hermione.

He knew Ron could tell too. “How about some food?” the redhead said suddenly and all too brightly, wincing at how he sounded.

Hermione grimaced at the thought of eating.

“You should eat, `Mione. And I brought you a change of clothes.” nodding towards the bag next to her bed.

“Alright, a little toast then.” she conceded, more for their benefit than hers he suspected.

Ron almost upset the entire tray in his haste to get her what she needed.

She took small careful bites, as if testing that the food would stay where it should. “How did you get my clothes?” she asked Harry

Harry shot a desperate look in Ron's direction. `Should he tell her that Ginny knows?'

“Ginny grabbed them for me. She put a book in there too...in case.”

“That was kind of her.” she replied in a distracted sort of tone.

And he decided that she needed to know. He knew how much he hated when things had been kept from him and he vowed not to do the same to her.

“You should know...Ginny, uh...she knows...what happened.” he said haltingly

Hermione blanched and the toast fell from her fingers. Her eyes were suddenly glassy with unshed tears. “I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to...she guessed, mostly.” he felt like he was about two inches tall and that he didn't deserve to be sitting here next to her. “I made her swear not to tell.” he threw in, as though that pathetic statement made things any better.

She took a deep breath and picked her toast back up. “It's ok Harry, I trust you and I trust Ginny. I'm just sorry all this even happened.” and he could see her blaming herself.

“Hey!” the exclamation came from Ron, not him. “This is not your fault! How can you think that?”

`Oh bloody hell!' Harry thought, is this it? Are we going to do this now? No. It was too soon.

“Thats enough!” he shouted, startling both of them “We're not doing this right now.” looking pointedly at Ron.

“You need to eat and change and then if you're feeling up to it, McGonagall brought the pensieve.”

The thought of viewing the memory brought them all to a halt and soon the only sound was of Hermione chewing her toast.

When she was finished she sat up for the first time and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She reached a hand out to Harry and stood for the first time on shaky legs, clinging to his arm for support. When she felt secure she gave him a tight smile and let go. He and Ron had both turned to leave when she stopped them “No! Don't leave, just....just turn around. I won't be but a minute.”

Harry nodded and did as she asked. Less than five minutes later he felt her hand on his elbow.

She had on pants and a soft blue jumper and her hair was pulled back in a clip that Ginny must have slipped in the bag as well. She looked like his Hermione, he thought

Whoa. His Hermione? Where had that come from?

She bit her lip anxiously and he could see how scared she was.

“Hermione. Professor McGonagall said...she said it may be better if we saw it with you. That is, if you want us to.”

For a brief second she sagged against him in relief “Yes. I'd like that very much if you don't mind.” looking between both of them.

Ron just stepped up to her other side and she reached down and grabbed his hand, giving it a strong squeeze.

“You don't even have to ask, `Mione.” Harry said and took her free hand.

As a connected unit they approached the pensieve, sitting passively on the table.

“Ready?” he asked, giving her a chance to back out if she wished.

She didn't answer, just gave a stiff nod and began to lean forward.

Just before they entered the memory, the way they were standing struck him and he wondered if this is what Luna meant by `the center must hold'. But he was unable to consider the idea any longer because they were being sucked in and soon found themselves in the corridor outside Slughorn's office. And he was standing at the end, waiting.

6. Memory

Author's Note:

Really, you're killing me with the reviews! Since I still can't figure out how to reply individually lets just pretend I did and that I told each of you you're amazing and I really appreciate what you have to say.

For those of you that caught the `Bones' reference. Kudos. It was just too good of a line and fit much too perfectly with these characters. I just couldn't leave it out.

I'm also so glad that you like my Ron. I really like Ron as a character (most of the time) and I think he gets pared down to some very base character traits quite frequently (as does Hermione, to be fair). I feel like he's more nuanced than that and that he has a lot of potential, it's just rarely explored. I know a `mature' Ron seems like it's not keeping in character and that I'm making him into Mature!Ron instead, but we've seen glimpses in the books where a big event has rocked him back to where he could/should be, much like after the dragon task in Book 4.

This will probably be the last chapter that is completely AU and then we'll jump back into Book 6.

WARNING: This chapter alludes to a sexual assault. If this bothers you in any way please stop reading now.

She was quite sure she had never been more frightened before in all her life. That included rogue trolls, werewolves, and fighting Death Eaters. Her grip on Harry and Ron's hands was so tight she was sure they would have permanent marks from her nails but she didn't even think about letting go.

She had never used a pensieve before and it was a decidedly bizarre experience. It was like one was falling in a dream without the unpleasant feeling in your stomach. She shut her eyes tight and when she opened them she saw the corridor outside Slughorn's office and she saw him.

Her stomach rolled and the one piece of toast she had eaten threatened to reappear. A detached part of her brain wondered if one could be sick in a memory. Harry and Ron both turned towards her and she saw identical looks of concern on their faces.

`Get yourself together' she said to herself `You're safe. It's over. And you need to do this.' She repeated this mantra over in her head until she felt like she could go on.

“Alright, Hermione?” Ron asked

She nodded and squeezed their hands and took a step forward already seeing her memory self walking down the hall.

They watched as McLaggen grabbed her arm and put it in his. Now it was her turn to have her hands crushed as both the boys reacted to seeing him touch her. Ron actually took a half a step forward, as if he could stop what was happening. She tugged him back “It's ok. I'm right here.” she said, her voice only wavering slightly.

They followed behind and watched as they chatted with guests and headed to the refreshment table. Harry also seemed to be doing a lot of looking around she noticed, as if he was searching for someone in particular.

She had forgotten about McLaggen's sneak attack at the punch bowl and she gasped in time with her memory when he surprised her from behind. Beside her Harry let out a low growl and ran a hand over his face `I don't know if I can do this' she heard him mutter under his breath.

She pretended she hadn't heard him and gave Ron a quick glance, he was beet red in the face and looked as if he'd like to do nothing better than to rip McLaggen limb from limb. Maybe bringing them with her wasn't a good idea after all.

But they had a chance to calm down while the memory Hermione was eating to avoid talking to McLaggen. Again, Harry was watching the crowd. “Who are you looking for?” she asked.

He hesitated before answering her “Malfoy.”

She merely raised an eyebrow. She knew he had been suspicious of Malfoy for the better part of the school year, and she felt a wave of guilt wash over her, she hadn't given Harry much of a chance to explain his reasons. But she didn't understand how Malfoy could be involved with what happened to her.

He stopped and started a few times before just deciding to tell her “It seems as if...that is to say that Dumbledore believes that McLaggen was under the Imperious curse when he attacked you.”

She stared at him dumbstruck. It made no sense. Who would use imperio on McLaggen to do such a thing to her.

“And you think Malfoy is behind this? I don't understand. Why would he do this? And to me? I know he hates me but...this seems too far even for him.”

Harry didn't say anything, just held her gaze for the longest time. So long she thought he wasn't going to answer. “I don't know for sure. But this attack...” and he trailed off, the look of pain on his face was great she wanted to do whatever she could to take it away. “I don't think it was just about hurting you.”

That wasn't really an answer at all, but seeing how broken he looked she didn't dare press him for more information right then.

She turned back to the memory and saw herself standing on tiptoe, looking through the crowd.

“Who were you looking for?” Ron asked

“Harry. I was looking for Harry.” she didn't mean for it to sound as if she blamed him, but as soon as he stiffened next to her she knew thats how he took it.

She remembered what was about to happen. “Maybe you two shouldn't watch this part.” she warned, wishing she could look away herself but not being able to. But telling the boys not to do something was as good as telling them to do it.

Both of them stepped forward this time when he grabbed her under the mistletoe. She had to swallow heavily to fight the gorge that rose in her throat. Turning her head into Harry's arm she waited until she felt him relax a bit and then looked up.

“It's over.” he said tersely

They all looked up then as they saw the memory Harry calling Hermione's name as McLaggen went to get her some punch.

“Bit strange watching yourself, isn't it.” she said

Harry just nodded and then dropped her hand so he could wrap his arm around her waist. He leaned down and whispered “I'm so sorry I didn't help you.” into her ear.

She knew he would feel guilty. Both of them in fact, but she didn't blame them.

“Oh Harry.” she said softly and looked at him sadly, they would need to talk about this later.

Their memory selves were now being regaled by Trelawney, although Luna certainly seemed to be in her element.

“I see Malfoy” Ron said suddenly

“Where!” Harry exclaimed.

“Over by the punch bowl. He's talking to...son of a bitch!!” Ron roared “He's talking to McLaggen!”

She was sure none of them were even breathing. Malfoy was indeed talking to McLaggen who seemed oblivious that a Slytherin was choosing to speak with him.

They all saw it then. It was clear as day if anyone bothered to look. In hindsight she was amazed he wasn't caught on the spot considering how sloppily it was executed.

Malfoy clapped a hand on McLaggen's arm causing him to spill the majority of his punch. Malfoy then made a big show of getting McLaggen a new cup, turning away for a second to pour something into it from a small vial. As he handed the fresh cup off Malfoy slipped a second vial into McLaggen's pocket and then with a sneer was gone.

They couldn't take their eyes off what they were seeing. McLaggen downed his new punch in one gulp and then staggered a second before regaining his balance. And there was a new look in his eyes, one that was scary.

Helpless to do anything they had no choice but to watch as he poured another cup and put several drops into it from the vial in his pocket. This was, without a doubt, the reason she had been left so helpless.

When the memory McLaggen approached the memory Harry the real Harry blanched and almost fell down.

Hermione turned to him in concern. “Harry!”

He righted himself but wouldn't look her in the eye “He talked to me.” he said miserably “He had the drink with the potion in it right there! Right in front of me and I just let him go!” he stepped a few feet away from them and turned away, both hands on top of his head, clenched in his already unruly hair.

Hermione dropped Ron's hands and stepped up behind him “You didn't know, Harry. You couldn't have known.” she laid a hand gently on his back and felt how taut the muscles were, she didn't know how much more he could take and it was only going to get worse.

She pulled on one elbow until he dropped his hands and then surprised her by scooping her up in a giant hug.

Ron let out a not too subtle “ahem” and they stepped apart hastily.

Hermione led them to the other side of the room where McLaggen had caught back up with her. And they had to stand there and watch, helpless to do anything. Had to watch as she drank the potion that would render her paralyzed and unable to fight back.

As she saw her memory self start to sag and lean on McLaggen her real self felt just as weak and if Ron hadn't caught her about the waist she would have gone down.

“Whoa, Hermione!” Ron yelled as he took her weight on. She gripped his arm and smiled her thanks. It was then that they both realized Harry wasn't paying them the least bit of attention. He was completely fixated on what he was seeing and hearing.

And then they all were. They heard his, evil, twisted warning and saw the look of desperate panic on her face and then a flicker of hope and as one they turned their heads and saw what she was seeing; the retreating form of Harry as he left the party.

“No” the real Harry gasped at his doppelganger. His eyes filled with tears before he swiped an angry hand across his face.

In silence they followed McLaggen out of the party, half carrying her memory self. It should have been plain to anyone that there was something wrong with her but no one looked twice.

They trailed behind down the long corridors, further and further into the depths of the castle. Her knees went weak when she saw herself fall and McLaggen pick her up.

Ron seemed to be getting more and more agitated and in a moment they knew why. They saw the memory of Ron step out of the shadows and do nothing. Again saw the flare of hope and the resultant despair as she saw Ron, not following her, but going the opposite direction.

The real Ron looked like he was ready to blow. His fists were clenched tight and his face matched his hair. She laid a calming hand on his arm but he jerked away, he didn't even seem to see her.

“Where did you go?” she asked, still trying to piece together how everything had happened

He acted as if he didn't hear her, he just stared after his retreating form until the memory pulled them down the corridor the other direction.

“I left you.” he spat out “I just left you! I knew something wasn't right and I left you!” he was furious

“Where did you go, Ron.” she asked again, knowing they would need to talk about all of this in much greater depth at some point but that now was not the time.

“I went to find Harry.” he finally admitted, but wouldn't look her in the eye.

“So you did the right thing.” she assured him “Who's to say that he wouldn't have killed you and still hurt me. You did the right thing.”

But Ron just shook his head, frustrated. “You don't get it! I left you! I could have saved you, but I let my pride get in the way and I LEFT YOU!” his eyes sparkled with angry tears and his chest was heaving.

She stepped back at his outburst and then yelled without thinking “And where would that have left Harry!!! “ she clamped a hand over her mouth in horror as soon as the words left her mouth. Harry was never supposed to know how worried she always was for him.

He was looking at her strangely, but now Ron had quieted and was looking at her too. She took a few steps away from them to get her emotions under control. And then she looked around her and took in her surroundings.

She felt all the blood rush to her head and a dull roar fill her ears. “Oh gods...this is...this is where it happened.” and in an instant the last few minutes were forgotten and the boys were once again at her side.

“I don't know...I don't know if I can do this.” she whispered.

Harry brushed away a lock of hair that had escaped her clip and tilted her chin up until she was looking at him “Yes you can. We're not going anywhere, and you're safe. If you remember all of that you'll be fine.”

She took a deep shuddering breath and nodded once.

She turned back just as McLaggen was dumping her limp body on the ground and she let out a stifled shriek.

Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was sure it would burst. And when his fist struck her for the first time she knew she jumped a foot.

The boys were still. So very very still.

She barely knew they were there. Her entire focus was on what she was seeing, on what had happened to her.

She had very little recollection of this. Some snippets of words McLaggen had said, feelings of fear and the pain and the taste of blood in her mouth. Seeing it like this though, being able to see and hear everything that was happening...she had the thought that maybe she had been better off not knowing.

She knew she didn't remember him talking. Not with that terrible, nasty tone.

All of her senses zeroed in on McLaggen's ranting, as she realized what he was saying

“He can hide behind Dumbledore. He can hide behind his mother's protection. But we are everywhere and he has no idea. How do you think he's going to feel when he sees what's happened to his mudblood whore.”

The whine in her head had reached an apex. This was...this was about Harry! She was attacked to get to Harry!

She whirled to see Harry, her eyes wild, hands clamped over her mouth in an effort to keep her screams at bay.

He looked broken.

She tried to speak but couldn't. Her eyes were drawn back to the terrible tableau before her.

She swore she felt the pain all over again when her memory self was hit with crucio. She knew what was coming. Knew this would be the hardest part, but she underestimated exactly how hard it was going to be. Their vision of the memory was beginning to get blurred on the edges as she lost consciousness in the memory.

When McLaggen's hand began to make its way up her leg and pushed up her skirt she heard Ron turn around and retch.

It felt like she wasn't even watching herself now.

The memory went black then and for a moment she thought this was all they would see and then it came back, like a light had been switched. She realized it was her memory, slipping in and out of conscious.

McLaggen hit her with crucio again and a cutting charm, slicing right through the front of her blouse.

The memory went dark again. When it came back she saw him undoing the front of his trousers.

Harry fell to his knees.

She was the last one standing.

Dark again. There was a long pause and when she can see again McLaggen is nowhere to be seen. Her memory self was being wrapped in Harry's dress robes. The Ron in the memory was standing behind Harry, his fists were raw and torn and there was blood splattered all over his front.

The far wall in the memory catches her attention and she turns to read it. Reading it once and then twice. Not believing that this was a threat against Harry. Not believing that everything that had happened to her had been done to get to Harry. Why would anyone do that? Who would think she had that kind of power?

The memory was fading again and she stumbled backwards, numb.

Looking down she saw that Harry was still on his knees, staring hard at the ground, looking so defeated. She reached a hand out and laid it on his head. When he looked at her, with such a mixture of sorrow and expectation, she felt herself begin to let go. He looked at her as if she alone could grant him absolution.

With a great heaving sob she collapsed into his arms. She cried for all of them. For what this had done and what it had taken away. The memory dimmed one last time and she felt Ron's hand on her back as they were pulled back out of the pensieve and into the hospital room.

They stayed that way for what seemed like forever. One collective unit, trying to understand and trying to heal.

When she had no tears left Harry stood and pulled her up with him. Sandwiched between the two boys she made her way to the bed and lay down, drained. Harry pulled the covers up and tucked them under her chin before sinking down on the edge of the bed himself, as if it was too much trouble to walk three feet to the chair. She felt another depression at the end of the bed as Ron too just sat and stared resolutely at the floor in front of him.

When Professor McGonagall entered no one acknowledged her presence.

“I presume you have viewed the memory?” she asked

Harry gave Hermione's shoulder a squeeze and stood up. “I need to see the headmaster.” he said gravely

“Of course, Potter.” answered the professor and turned to leave.

Harry bent over her and whispered in her ear, causing a shiver to shoot through her “I'll be right back. Ron's here.” and then he was gone.

She didn't protest, didn't ask what he was keeping from her or why he wanted to talk to Dumbledore.

Ron broke the silence “You should come home with us, to the Burrow, for the holiday.”

His suggestion took her by surprise. She hadn't even thought about it, but tomorrow she was supposed to get on the train and go back to her parent's house for the next three weeks. Fear flooded her stomach. How could she do that? How could she go home like this? Her parents would never understand and she couldn't imagine telling them about what had happened.

And if she was being perfectly honest the thought of being away from Harry frightened her the most.

“I'd like that.” she whispered “I'll need to write to my parents though, they're expecting me and...I know they'll be upset but...I just can't go home right now.”

As if she had been summoned Hedwig flew in and landed lightly on the top of the headboard.

“Do you think Harry would mind?” she asked

“Not at all.” he said “Let me find you something to write with.”

She pushed herself up in the bed and smoothed her hair down, smiling gratefully when Ron found her some scrap parchment and a somewhat usable quill.

Hedwig gave her an affectionate nip before taking off. “I hope they're not too mad at me.” she said

“Your parents won't mind, will they?” she asked Ron, ashamed she hadn't asked that first.

“You know Mum, the more the better, she won't think twice.” he reassured her.

“Why don't you get some rest.” he suggested “I'm sure Harry will be back soon.”

But she didn't want to rest. She didn't know what she wanted. Part of her wanted to slide under the covers and pretend she was invisible. The other part of her wanted to hunt McLaggen down. Both feelings scared her, but in different ways. She had never been one to ignore an issue or to run from a challenge-damn Gryffindor bravery. But acknowledging what happened and why it happened meant acknowledging that the war was really beginning and that it was coming to them, coming to Harry, and she didn't know if they were ready.

Ron was slowly pacing around the room looking anxious. Another wave of guilt passed over her. She had seen how broken up he had been about not coming after her. And after everything they had said and done to each other the last few weeks they needed to talk but she wasn't sure either of them were ready yet.

“You should go. I'm fine. Really.” she said to him “Go see Lavender for a bit before she leaves.”

Ron's head jerked around at her words. It felt strange to be talking about something different, something outside of this very small world the three of them had created. It seemed like it was so long ago and that they had changed so much in what was really a very short span of time.

“No. It's..uh..it's fine.” he stuttered, red staining his cheeks.

“Besides, I told Harry I'd stay and I'm not leaving you alone.”

She opened her mouth to protest but knew it wouldn't do any good and for once in her life actually conceded to Ron Weasley.

He even gave her a small smirk. `Damn him!' she thought, and raised an eyebrow in return, he'd pay for that later.

Harry returned not too much later, looking morose, the circles under his eyes even more prominent now.

“What'd Dumbledore say, mate?” Ron asked

“I asked him if they had seen Malfoy talking to McLaggen, in the memory.” he spat out both the names as though it pained him to speak them. “They had been watching Hermione not the rest of the party, but he said they'd look at it again.”

Harry looked lost in thought for a moment “I asked if there was a potion that would work the same as the imperious. He said there was something, but that it was very old and very rare and could only be made by someone with considerable skill.”

“Snape!” Ron seethed.

“Thats what I thought too, at first but...there's something else going on between Malfoy and Snape.”

She made a mental note to have a detailed conversation later about precisely what Harry had been suspecting them of doing all year.

“Dumbledore's going to talk to Slughorn, ask about the potion, both of them actually. The one that drugged you had to have been modified somehow, he just doesn't know how or why.” Harry said, looking at her carefully “Malfoy's already gone home and there's no way for Dumbledore to get to him over the hols. We'll have to wait until we get back.”

She nodded. Poking the hornet's nest that was Malfoy Manor was the same as poking Voldemort. The quieter they could keep this the better it would be in the long run.

“I invited Hermione to stay with us at the Burrow.” Ron said, breaking the silence.

Harry reacted like he was a deflated balloon and sank to the edge of the bed. He shot Ron a look of gratitude. “Are you ok, Harry?” she asked, surprised by his reaction.

He look embarrassed “Yeah...I just...on the way back I was wondering what I...we...what we were going to do if you went home. This is brilliant.” he smiled at her shyly and then turned his head away.

She felt her stomach do a funny little flip. Harry was that worried about her?

Ron had raided what was left of the food tray he had brought up earlier and Hermione picked quietly at a stale pastry until Madame Pomfrey entered.

Once again she ran her diagnostic spells and declared Hermione whole, at least physically. “You may still have some residual pain from the...from the unforgiveable.”

Hermione nodded her understanding “Am I free to leave then?”

The healer said she was “But please remember you may come speak to me at any time, about anything if the need arises.”

Hermione swallowed heavily, knowing exactly what she was saying and gave her a half smile of appreciation.

She grabbed the small bag that Ginny had packed for her and stood up. “Well, I guess it's time then.” she said to the boys and started for the exit only to be blocked by Harry.

“Really Harry, you heard her, she said I can go.” she said, a touch of indignation in her voice.

“Just give us a minute, would you?” and shot her a look that asked her to be quiet.

Madame Pomfrey looked at them strangely but continued on her way.

Once she was out of ear shot Harry turned to Ron “Still got the map?” he asked.

Ron pulled out the Marauder's Map and opened it up.

“I thought you might like to not have to talk to anyone on the way back.” Harry said, explaining his earlier behavior.

“Oh...”she said, chagrined “Yes, that would be good. Thank you.”

With Ron leading and Harry at her side they took a slightly circumvent route back to the dormitory.

Half way there she found herself clutching at the cuff of Harry's jumper when they passed a particularly dark hallway. He smiled down reassuringly at her and slipped her hand into his.

Just outside the common room door Ron paused. “No one's inside, but Ginny is up in your room.” he warned.

“Thanks.” she whispered.

Everything looked exactly the same as when she had left, which in all reality it should, it hadn't even been twenty four hours ago.

Ron busied himself with shutting the map and she realized that for the first time since she had woken up she was going to be separated from them.

Her heart began to race at the thought and Harry must have picked up on her anxiety.

“Hey.” he said, squeezing her hand to get her attention “You'll be ok, and we can get to you in seconds if we need.”

Her mouth felt so dry she didn't think she could form words.

“And we promise we'll stay in the tower. If we need to leave for any reason we'll let you know.”

She could do this. She had no choice. Biting her lip hard, she batted her eyes furiously to keep the tears away and smiled when she succeeded.

“Thank you. Really.”she said, words not being enough for what they had done for her.

“You'd do the same for us, `Mione.” Ron said before running a comforting hand along her arm and then heading for the stairs “I'm beat, mate. See you in the morning.”

“You can do this. You'll be fine, and Ginny's up there as well.”

Without warning she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head underneath his chin. He pressed a kiss into her hair and her heart jumped a little. `Where had that come from?' she wondered.

“Thank you, Harry.” she whispered into his chest before pushing off him and turning to head up the stairs in one move, knowing that if she looked back she'd never make it.

When she opened the door to the girls room she saw Ginny lying on her bed idly flipping through a magazine.

“Hermione!” she exclaimed and flew across the room to hug her.

“Hey, Ginny.” she replied

“How are you? Are you alright? I talked to Harry this morning. Please don't be mad at him..I won't say a word. I promise. You can trust me.”Ginny went on, barely taking a breath.

“It's ok Gin, I'm not mad at him. And thank you for keeping quiet...we don't...we don't know everything right now and...” but Ginny cut her off

“Thats what Harry said.” Ginny looked at her nervously “Is there anything you need? Anything I can get for you?”

Hermione shook her head “All I really want to do is get a shower and go to sleep. Ron invited me to come back with you guys to the Burrow for the hols, if thats ok.”

“Oh, I'm so glad.” Ginny said genuinely

Hermione gathered her things and headed for the bathroom, grabbing Ginny's arm as she passed “Please, don't say anything to your parents though, or the rest of the boys. I just...I couldn't...”

“Of course...I understand...of course.” she said gravely and hugged her again.

Hermione took the longest shower of her life. She knew that Madame Pomfrey had used a cleansing spell but there was something therapeutic about being able to scrub away the past herself. She intentionally didn't dwell on anything while in the shower, fully intending on falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

She put on her most comfortable pajamas and slid beneath the familiar covers. Crookshanks hopped up and curled next to her stomach, his contented purr made her feel safe.

As she dropped off to sleep her only wish was that she didn't see him in her dreams.

And she didn't. As the night wore on, she was taken back to that dark corridor, she kept her eyes screwed tight, but since this was a dream she was unable to keep them from opening, except for this time it wasn't McLaggen she saw. It was Voldemort.

She woke up screaming.

7. Stages

Author's Note:

Thank you all so much, for the fabulous reviews, really. The way you stalk to see if I've updated, I stalk to see if there are reviews.

There is a tiny H/Hr moment in this chapter. Very tiny, and I hope you enjoy it but don't get too used to it, I don't know when the next one will be. Remember, we're taking this slooooowwwww.

Ginny was startled out of a sound sleep by something she never wished to hear again, Hermione screaming at the top of her lungs in fright.

She threw the covers off and raced to Hermione's bed. Tears were streaming down the older girls cheeks and she was pale faced and shaking. Her eyes were what were the most frightening, she seemed to be staring at something that Ginny couldn't see. Over and over again she screamed in terror at this nameless thing.

“Hermione!” Ginny yelled and went to grab her friends shoulders but a flailing arm almost caught her across the face. She tried calling her name again but she didn't respond.

Giving up on trying to get a reaction she tore from the room, Hermione's screams chasing her. Down the stairs, across a short landing and up the flight to the boys rooms. She pounded frantically on the door “Harry! Ron! Open up! Please! Harry, it's Hermione!” the next instant the door flew open and Harry didn't even wait to speak to her, his shoulder clipped hers as he darted past and headed back the way she had just came, Hermione's screams echoing off the stone.

When he reached the girls stairs he didn't stop, three leaps and he was at the top so fast the charm intended to keep the boys out didn't have a chance to activate.

He burst through the door and saw her, voice now hoarse, wide-eyed in fright at something that only she could see.

He approached slowly, not wanting to scare her anymore than she already was.

By the time he reached the bed the screams had ebbed to a heart wrenching whimper. He sat very gingerly on the bed, his entire focus on the girl in front of him. Ever so slowly he raised his hand until it touched her shoulder. She started and looked ready to bolt. Three blinks and then he knew she was seeing him now.

“Harry!” she gasped, sobbing harder now and he had no reservations in pulling her in tight for a hug, wrapping himself around her as best he could.

She let him comfort her for a few minutes and then began pushing away, he was confused until her hands began a frantic search of his forehead. She pushed away the dark fringe that was forever in the way until she had a clear view of his scar.

When it was bare she traced it with her finger tip as if in a trance. “Your scar.” she sputtered out, “You didn't feel him, did you? You didn't feel Voldemort?”

He reached up and took her hand away, keeping it in his. “No. Hermione, I'm fine. I haven't felt him in a while.”

She still had a frantic look in her eye, as if she wasn't quite sure if she was awake or still dreaming. “Promise me you didn't.” she demanded, a look of intensity on her face that he had never seen before.

“I promise. Everything is ok, you must have had a bad dream.” he assured her, hoping she would believe him.

Her hand came up again to touch his scar and he realized she was the first person he had ever allowed to do so. “It was a dream?” she questioned

“Just a dream.” he repeated, glad to see she was calming down.

Her hand came to rest on his arm and she bent her head forward to lay on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her again and just held her.

When he felt her breathing begin to even out he helped her lay back down, but she grasped desperately at his hand “Please don't leave me.”

“I'm not going anywhere. Go to sleep.”

A soft clearing of a throat caught his attention and when he turned he saw that they had an audience.

Ron had made it up the stairs as well and stood a few feet away, Ginny pressed close to his side, her arms wrapped around her middle. Professor McGonagall was also in attendance and was looking at him expectantly.

“Just a bad dream, Professor.” he told her

“I can see that, Potter. Everything in hand now?” she asked

He nodded that it was. “Goodnight then.” she said and swept out of the room without saying a word about him being in the girls dormitory.

He took her silence as permission to stay.

“All right there, Harry?” Ron asked

“As it can be.” he answered “I think I'll just sit here for awhile, that is if Ginny doesn't mind.”

“Not at all.” she answered

A thought struck him then, there were no other girls in the room “Where are the rest of the girls?”

“Oh, they got permission to have a sleep over in the Ravenclaw dorm with Padma. I didn't want Hermione to be alone though so...”

“Thanks, Ginny.” he said and gave her a tight smile. She smiled in return and headed back to her bed, drawing the curtains around it after climbing in.

“Need anything Harry?” Ron asked

“I'm good mate, thanks.”

“I'm going to head back then, unless you want me to stay.”

“No, I hope the rest of the night is quiet.” Harry said, looking sadly at her now sleeping form.

Ron just nodded and headed back to the boys dormitory.

For a long time he just sat and watched her sleep, but eventually he grew tired himself. There were no chairs nearby however. Finally his need for rest won and he laid across the end of her bed, feet hanging off the side and his arm stretched out so that he didn't have to let go of her hand.

He fell into a fitful sleep and kept seeing the words written on the wall flash over and over in his head.

A bright shaft of light falling across his face woke him several hours later. He sat up slowly and scrubbed his hands over his face feeling just as tired as he had before. Suddenly he realized that he was alone. Hermione was no longer in her bed.

Harry whipped out his wand and tore the covers back searching. Jumping from the bed he spun in a wide arc and took in the rest of the room, Ginny's curtains were still closed.

A soft sniffle caught his attention and he spun to see Hermione, sitting in a small window alcove, arms wrapped around her knees and drenched in the morning light.

She wiped furiously at her face as she saw him approach and gave him a tight smile.

“Hey, Hermione, how are you?” he asked

She smiled again, “I'm alright.”

He knew she was lying, he had just caught her crying, he reached out to lay a hand on her arm and gasped at how cold she was, despite the warmth from the sun. “You're freezing.”

“Oh...I hadn't noticed.” she said distractedly, turning to look out the window.

He took three long strides back to her bed and grabbed the red blanket lying there. She hadn't moved and he wrapped the soft fabric around her, suppressing a shudder as he remembered not too long ago wrapping his cloak around her after she had been attacked.

She didn't say anything at first and then whispered a thanks.

He leaned against the cold stone opposite her so that he could see her face. “How are you really?”

She didn't look up. “I told you. I'm alright.”

“No you're not.” he said, his words coming out a little harsher than he intended.

She opened her mouth to protest but rethought and didn't say anything.

“You can talk to me, `Mione.” he said sincerely “You can trust me.”

At this she finally looked up and stared him straight in the eye “I trust you with my life.”

Her words did something to him. He felt a swell of emotion and for a moment it was like he couldn't breathe.

Her head turned back. She was silent and he was afraid she was done speaking to him when she suddenly said “Why me?”

“Wha..?” he sputtered, not expecting that.

She had sounded clinical and detached, like it was a puzzle she was trying to figure out. “Why was I chosen? Why did Malfoy have McLaggen do it for him when he could have just done it himself? Why that message? Why now?” she was beginning to sound frantic.

“Hey! Slow down.” he said “We don't know yet. But we're going to find out, he's not getting away with this.” she nodded at what he had said and then bit her bottom lip, lost in contemplation.

“It's almost like he thought that by hurting me he could hurt you and...” but he cut her off

“Well then he picked the wrong thing.” he said, his words betraying no hint of emotion

She looked him wide-eyed and he could see the questions running frantically through her head.

He took two steps forward until she was effectively trapped between him and the window. She dropped her gaze and her cheeks colored rapidly, he knew she had taken his words wrong.

“Hey.” he said softly and tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him “He picked the wrong thing because instead of scaring me and instead of making me run he picked the one thing thats going to make me go after him and fight.” he paused a moment and let his words sink in. Her breath caught in her chest and she stared at him expectantly “He threatened you. So if he was trying to scare me, he failed. All he did was make me angry. I will never let him hurt you again.”

Their eyes were locked and he would later swear it was the most intense experience of his life. Hermione's breaths were shallow and he was quite sure she had never looked at him like that before. He could not look away, could not blink...he wasn't even sure he was breathing. Right there, in that moment everything had changed, that was when he decided this was a war and like it or not it was up to him to do something about it. If Voldemort wanted a fight he was going to get one.

He found himself leaning in closer to her and she was so still he didn't know if she was breathing either. She licked her lips involuntarily and his stomach flipped. Just as he was reaching a hand out to touch her cheek a voice from behind him made them both jump as if they'd been shocked.

“Good Morning.” Ginny said, much too cheerfully.

Harry stuffed his hands in his pockets and took two quick steps back while Hermione pulled the blanket tighter around her and smoothed her hair down blushing furiously.

“Uh....hey, Ginny.” Harry said, trying to sound normal and knowing he had failed.

“Everything alright?” she asked with the barest hint of a smirk on her face. There was no doubt she was a Weasley.

“Everything's fine Gin.” Hermione said “Sorry if I woke you last night.”

“No! It's fine, really.” Ginny said quickly, the smirk falling from her face “I just hope you're feeling better.”

Hermione gave her a stiff smile and slipped off the ledge. “Well, I guess I'd better finish packing.” she said, looking at him pointedly

“I guess I'll just, uh, go then.” He said, suddenly feeling nervous “Ron and I'll meet you downstairs, the train leaves in an hour.”

“I'll be there.” she said and gave him a brave smile, letting him know that she would be ok for now.

He took a step backwards and tripped over his feet, almost landing on his arse. He righted himself quickly and tried to look as suave as possible “I'll just be going now.” he said and slipped from the room before he could do anything else stupid. Although, he thought, it was worth it to see the small snicker Hermione tried to hide behind her hand.

A half an hour later he and Ron were waiting in the common room with their trunks. Ron had taken Lavender aside a few minutes ago and they actually seemed to be talking, he was quite sure that was the longest they had gone without snoging since they had started dating.

He waited in front of the fireplace, staring into the dying embers thinking about what had happened earlier in the girls dormitory; both with the decision he had seem to come to instantaneously regarding Voldemort and the weird exchange with Hermione. Seeing her hurt like that had...triggered something in him, he just didn't know what that something was.

He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was tired, it seemed like forever since he had had a good nights rest, maybe being at the Burrow would help.

He was so lost in thought he didn't hear when Hermione approached. He jumped when she laid a hand on his back.

“Sorry, I didn't hear you.” he said unnecessarily.

“Thats ok.” she said, sitting her trunk down next to Crookshank's carrier.

He took a glance around the room and saw that every other Gryffindor there except Ron and Ginny were staring at her.

He leveled a glare at most of them and hope she hadn't noticed. “All ready to go?” he asked “Did you hear back from you parents?”

“This morning. They're disappointed but they understand. They would still like me to come home for a few days before classes resume but...” she trailed off, wringing her hands in worry.

He laid a hand over both of hers to still her anxious movements “Hey, we'll worry about that later, ok?”

She gave him a grateful smile and nodded.

Ron headed there way and he didn't look very happy. “You ok, mate?” Harry asked

“Yeah, sure...lets just go.” he responded and headed for the portrait.

Harry gave Hermione a questioning look but she just shrugged her shoulders and grabbed up her belongings to follow Ron.

Hermione had to stop to talk to Professor McGonagall and they ended up being the last three to head to the train.

As soon as they stepped onto the wooded path Ron and Harry drew their wands. Hermione didn't seem to notice at first, she had her chin set and was walking purposely towards the train at a brisk pace.

Ron was several steps in front and Harry stayed by her side, scanning the dark depths that surrounded them.

Halfway down the trail Hermione suddenly stopped and Harry went another three steps before he realized what had happened.

“Hermione! What's wrong?” he shouted before jogging back towards her.

Ron had heard his cry and was running back as well.

She was looking at the two of them, confusion and anger apparent. “What are you doing?” she demanded.

Harry was truly confused “What are talking about?”

“You two, with your wands and Ron taking point, like you're bloody bodyguards.” she said sharply, gesturing wildly as she spoke, her trunk dropping to the ground with a thud.

Harry stepped closer and put a hand out but she shied away “Hermione. We're just making sure you're safe.”

“I don't need you to protect me. I'm fine.” she ground out behind clenched teeth. Her hair hung in her face but he could still see her unshed tears.

Harry sighed heavily and looked at Ron who seemed even more lost than he was. He had a feeling this was coming. Hermione was always so strong, always so in control, that reacting to what had happened, in anger, made perfect sense.

Her hands were tightly fisted at her side and she was having trouble controlling her breathing. “I'm fine.” she repeated between gasps “I'm fine. I don't need...I don't need anyone to....” and she started pulling at the scarf wrapped around her throat. “I can't...oh gods...I can't...breathe...I can't breathe.”

Harry pushed her down on her forgotten trunk and quickly unwrapped her scarf. He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look him in the eye. “Hermione! Calm down. You have to calm down.”

She looked at him, eyes scared and blurry with tears “I can't...stop.” panic lacing her voice.

He cupped her face in her hands “`Mione, look at me. Look right at me. You're ok. You've got to control your breathing. Just slow down.” she nodded and he could tell she was trying to stop.

As her breathing settled he let his hands fall back down to her shoulders. When she picked her head up finally her breathing had evened out but there was something else in her face now.

She shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to get him to let go but he didn't. Wiping her face angrily she glared at him. “I hate this!” she said venomously “I hate that I don't know what happened! I hate that this happened to me! I hate that every time I shut my eyes I see him!” by now she was screaming and his heart broke to see how much this affected her.

“I hate him!” she yelled one more time and pounded a fist on his chest, she kept yelling and kept pounding but each one got weaker and weaker until she fell forward and he wrapped her in his arms.

There was nothing he could say right then that would make her feel better. Ron came around and knelt behind her, laying a supportive hand on her back.

“When we get back to the Burrow you can beat on Fred and George all you like.” Ron quipped, grinning when he got his desired reaction and Hermione lifted her head and gave him one of her patented glares.

Just then they heard the warning train whistle, the Hogwarts Express was about to leave.

“The train!” Ron yelled and they all scrambled at once. He grabbed up his trunk and Crookshank's carrier and took off at a run.

“Come on!” Harry yelled, he snatched Hermione's hand, made sure they had all their stuff and then started pulling her down the path.

“We're not going to make it!” Hermione shouted

“We'll make it.” he shouted back “Ron's got long legs.”

And then he heard the sound of Hermione giggling as she tripped along beside him and he would have gladly walked all the way back to Ottery St. Catchpole.

The whistle blew again and Harry stopped and shot red sparks in the air, hoping Hagrid would hold the train.

When they arrived at the platform a few minutes later red faced and out of breath, Hagrid was indeed waiting.

“Cuttin' it close you two.” he said.

Harry just gave him a smile and helped Hermione place her trunk before boarding the train.

They made their way down the narrow corridor looking in the compartments for Ron. There were plenty of empty seats as many of the students had left early. Towards the back they found Ron, Ginny and Neville. Hermione was ahead of him and he felt her hesitate at the threshold. He placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her in to where their friends sat.

She gave Ginny and Neville hesitant smiles and sat across from them, pressed tight against the window. Harry sat in the empty space next to her.

Ron had already found the food trolly and bought an assortment of sweets which he shared with the group.

An hour into the ride Ron fell asleep propped against the window across from Hermione and Ginny and Neville decided to go and find Luna.

Ron's snores were the only sound in the small area and he let himself get lost in watching the passing countryside. A memory from the middle of the night brought him back though. `Why had Hermione been so concerned about his scar? Where had that come from?'

“So” he began quietly so as to not startle her “you going to tell me about that dream?”

She jumped anyways and he winced. “There's nothing to tell. Just a bad dream.”

“I've had bad dreams, `Mione. This seemed different.” he pushed

She stared at her hands stubbornly. “It's fine. I can handle it.”

“I know you can handle it. But you don't have to.” he told her “And if it's about Voldemort I need to know.”

Her breath caught and when she began to speak he actually had to lean in slightly in order to hear her over the sound of the train.

“I was back in the corridor and I was in pain.” her voice caught and she paused for a moment before she straightened up and continued, voice stronger now “I kept my eyes shut because I didn't want to see him. But finally I had to open them and it wasn't...it wasn't McL...it wasn't him...it was Voldemort.”

Harry took a shaky breath and let his head fall back on the padded seat. “So thats why you wanted to check my scar?”

She nodded “I don't know why, it just felt so real and it my head it seemed that if he had me, then he had gotten you as well.” she shook her head quickly, brown curls flying, as if she could shake away the bad memories.

He looked down at her, studying her face. There were still traces of bruising high on her cheek bone that were obvious to anyone that looked at her. He scooted closer to her until their hips were touching. “I'm right here, and so are you.” she slipped her hand around his arm and leaned into his shoulder, nodding.

“I'd like...I'd like to talk to Remus and Mr. Weasley about what happened.” he said, not knowing how she'd react and not unexpectedly, she stiffened “Not everything.” he said quickly “But about Malfoy and the message. Is that alright?”

She was still “Of course you can tell them, it's important. But I'd...I'd just like to be there when you do.”

“I wouldn't have it any other way, you're the brains of this operation, you know that right?” he said with a smile and he felt his heart lift at her next words.

“But where does that leave Ron.” she deadpanned

He chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze.

They rode the rest of the way in silence and eventually she drifted off, her head resting lightly on his arm.

Ron woke up with about a half hour to go and gave Harry a questioning look after a spectacularly long stretching session. Harry nodded and gave Ron a questioning look of his own.

“What's with you and Lavender? This is the longest you've gone without having your tongues down each others throats.”

Ron colored furiously “Thanks mate.” he said darkly “Lav and I are done.” and Harry was surprised “I realized I liked the fact that she fancied me more than I fancied her.”

Harry really didn't know what to say “Sorry, Ron.”

Ron nodded and just then the door to the compartment slid open and Ginny and Neville returned. Harry shot Ginny a grateful look for keeping Neville out the majority of the trip.

They were rapidly approaching King's Cross and Hermione was still sleeping. He hated waking her. His left arm was trapped so he reached across with his right and brushed the hair out of her face. “Hermione.” he whispered, giving her shoulder a slight shake “`Mione...we're almost there.”

She wrinkled her nose and turned her face into his arm, burrowing there for a second before blinking owlishly at him. “Hey there, Sleeping Beauty.” he said lightly and laughed at her withering glare.

She sat up fully and let go of his arm, smoothing down her hair and wiping sleeping from her eyes. He thought it strange that his arm felt so empty after she had let go.

Ginny kept up a steady stream of chatter until the train pulled into the station and they waited a few minutes to let the other students disembark before exiting. Stepping onto the platform was like stepping into another world. For the last two days the three of the had kept themselves isolated and the difference was jarring.

The boys instinctively stepped closer to Hermione who didn't seem to mind so much this time. Her mouth was set in a thin line and she looked like she wanted to bolt.

They gathered their trunks and made their way down the bustling platform. Harry spotted Tonks, looking like a middle aged witch meeting her child at the train. And another auror he didn't know who didn't blend in as well.

“Over here!” came the distinctive cry of Molly Weasley and they looked to see a sea of red hair. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were waiting for them along with Fred and George.

There was a flurry of hugs and kisses and a cacophony of words as everyone seemed to be talking at once. Harry allowed himself to be smothered by Molly's hug, but kept one eye on Hermione where she appeared to be effectively evading being hugged or touched by their welcoming party.

If anyone noticed the bruising on her face they didn't say anything and for that he was thankful.

In the car park they piled into the sedan Mr. Weasley had managed to get from the Ministry. Hermione hastily slid in first, again placing herself against the far side and he made sure he sat next to her. He also noticed that she sat so that her hair hid most of her bruising.

As more and more people climbed in he found himself being pushed closer and closer to her until they were quite squashed together. He gave her an apologetic smile and she just shrugged, not seeming to mind. Finally he put his arm over the back of the seat and gave them a bit more room.

They caught up with Fred and George on the ride back and Harry saw when they noticed Hermione's appearance and more demure demeanor. He caught their eye and gave them a hard look and a shake of his head. George nodded, completely serious for once.

When they arrived at the Burrow Harry felt a wave of contentment pass through him, he always felt at home here. The weather was brisk and the wind had picked up so they rushed inside as quickly as possible.

“Harry, dear, you and Ron will be in his room.” Molly said as she bustled around, collecting hats and scarves and gloves. “Hermione, you can share with Ginny, Fleur will join you when she and Bill arrive.” everyone pretended not to notice when Ginny pulled a face at this “Fred and George, you're welcome to stay in your old room of course and Bill will take his when he gets here.” she took a breath and looked around to make sure she hadn't missed anyone.

As they all broke to put their belongings away he saw Hermione walk up to Mrs. Weasley. She said something to her and Mrs. Weasley smiled and patted her cheek, unfortunately she patted the cheek that had been injured and Hermione jerked away with a hiss of pain.

“Oh, my dear! What has happened?” Mrs. Weasley asked concerned

Hermione's hand covered her cheek and she looked as if she had no idea what to say. Harry stepped in behind her. “She's alright Mrs. Weasley, there was an...an incident at school the other night.”

“An incident?” she repeated “Well, whatever could have happened?”

“If it's alright with you we're going to wait until Remus and the rest are here to talk about that.” Harry said, as diplomatically as possible.

She seemed to understand and didn't push for more information “Of course Harry.” she said and then turned her eye on Hermione “But if you need anything please let me know.”

“I will Mrs. Weasley. Thank you.” Hermione said softly

“Come on `Mione, lets go unpack.” He said and gave her fingertips a tug as they headed up the stairs.

She gave him a shy smile and followed after. When she reached Ginny's room she paused before entering “Thank you, Harry.” she said and then slipped inside before he could respond.

He continued on to Ron's room, still papered with Chudley Canons posters and sank down on the camp bed that had already been set up.

“Hermione ok?” Ron asked, haphazardly pulling things out of his trunk.

“She will be.” Harry replied before opening his own trunk and busying himself instead of having to think about what lay before them.

8. Absolution

Author's Note:

Again, continued thanks for the fantastically awesome reviews!

I think this is my favorite chapter to date. It practically wrote itself and I'm very pleased with how Hermione's emotions are working themselves out. I hope I'm doing her justice.

As you can also see we're now back in the Book 6 timeline with my new plot being woven in. This is how I intend the rest of the story to go, the original story line altered and added to in a way to make H/Hr work.

WARNING: This chapter mentions sexual assault. If this upsets you in any way please stop reading now.

Hermione was actually glad for the semi-quiet that Ginny's room provided, the bustle of the train station had been somewhat overwhelming. After taking an extra long time to unpack she decided to stay in the room and read a little, trying to do something `normal'.

Ginny had just dumped her trunk and rushed back out again, anxious to see the new products Fred and George had brought with them.

She heard Ron and Harry come back down the stairs, no doubt in search of food but didn't go out to join them. Soon, the smell of something cooking wafted up the stairs but she wasn't overly hungry. She wasn't overly anything. Her outburst this morning had seemed foreign to her and she hated this feeling that everything was out of her control and that she had little say in what was happening.

And she had to be honest with herself, the exchange with Harry in her dorm...she had no idea how to feel about that. He had surprised her and she was confused about the things she had felt but she had decided to put that to the side for now if she could, it was just too much to take in at once.

The rest of the day passed quickly, for which she was thankful. They had a typical Weasley dinner, which mostly involved Fred and George getting into trouble and afterwards everyone gathered in the living room. Hermione grabbed the book she had been reading and opened it, if for nothing less than a cover so that the others wouldn't think anything was wrong.

Ron and Harry were deep in concentration over a game of Wizard's Chess and Mrs. Weasley was knitting a pretty lilac colored sweater and humming along to the wireless.

No matter how hard she tried she couldn't focus on her book, the words mixed together and nothing made sense and finally she gave up trying and just let her thoughts wander. Mostly she thought about that night and wondered if there was anything she could have done differently. Of course, not asking McLaggen in the first place would have been a good choice. She could have kept her wand in an easier to reach place, maybe she should look into getting a holster for her arm. She made a mental note to ask Tonks about that the next time she saw her.

Moody's ever present warning of `Constant Vigilance!' ran through her head more than once. She had certainly failed there.

The house clock chimed ten o'clock and she figured she had made enough of an appearance to keep the elder Weasley's from thinking anything was too wrong. Closing her unread book she stood up quickly and said good night to the room before heading for the stairs.

She saw Ron and Harry start at her words and half rise out of their seats, Harry looking especially concerned but she pinned them with a wide eyed stare and implored them to sit back down and not be so obvious. They did as she wanted, although Harry seemed as if he was considering ignoring her wishes.

Out the corner of her eye she saw Mr.Weasley watching them with great interest over the top of the Daily Prophet. Without another glance she headed straight to Ginny's room and shut the door behind her.

It was pitch black and for a moment she felt a wave of panic come over her. Stumbling in the dark she found the candle by feel and lit the wick with shaking hands. When the warm glow illuminated the area in front of her she felt embarrassed to have been so scared, she had never been afraid of the dark before.

She changed quickly into a pair of red and gold striped Gryffindor pajama pants and an old university sweatshirt of her mum's she had borrowed last year and forgotten to return. Grabbing her things for the bathroom she stole into the hall and quickly did what she needed to do, hoping she wouldn't run into anyone on the way.

Back in the room she got into bed and rolled so she faced the wall but left the candle burning. Hopefully Ginny would think she was asleep and not try and talk to her when she came in.

A half an hour later, Hermione still lay there with her eyes wide open, unable to even try to sleep. Every time she shut her eyes she either saw the wall with that terrible message, or the evil slitted eyes of Voldemort or McLaggen's sneering face as he raised his fist to hit her.

There was a tromp of feet up the stairs and the sounds of doors opening and then more feet on stairs as she heard Harry and Ron head up one more flight. Ginny was quiet when she entered and Hermione could feel her eyes staring at her to see if she was asleep. Feigning sleep wasn't hard and soon Ginny was settling in for the night.

Another half an hour and Ginny's even breathing let her know that she had been able to fall asleep. The rest of the house was quiet and she could see just fine now by the moonlight that filtered in through the windows.

She slowly pulled back her covers and winced as her bare feet hit the cold wood floor, she mentally cursed herself for not getting socks out earlier but now it was too late unless she wanted to risk waking Ginny.

Tiptoeing to the door she paused and took a deep breath before opening it and hoping it didn't squeak. Down the hall to the stairs she crept and remembered to skip the noisy step almost losing her grip on the banister in the process.

The Weasley house at night was an amazing thing, it seemed to run on the energy of its occupants all day long, fueled by pranks and laughs and shouts of indignation. But now, at night, it had a peace about it, and right now she needed that peace.

She crossed to the worn, plaid couch and sank into the corner, wrapping her arms around herself for warmth. The fire that had burned earlier was now shimmering embers. She didn't want to sleep, didn't want to risk having another dream like she had the night before. It was nice to just sit and be still.

She was so lost in thought she didn't hear the loud creak on the steps, or the muffled curse.

A hand on her knee shot a bolt of fear straight through her and in an instant she was transported back to that night and once again she was lying on the cold, damp stone with McLagen pushing his hand up underneath her skirt.

With a gasp, she was suddenly climbing backwards on the couch trying to get away.

“Hermione!”

It was Harry's voice, in a whispered shout.

She focused on what was in front of her and saw him, frozen, half sitting on the table in front of the couch, arms outstretched, looking horrified that he had scared her.

“Harry!” she breathed out, a hand coming up to cover her pounding heart as she slid back down on the cushion.

“I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.” he stammered, still hovering over the table.

She took a deep breath and willed her erratic pulse to slow down. “It's ok...you just...you just took me by surprise is all.”

At her words he finally sat on the table.

“What are you doing down here?” he asked gently

“Couldn't sleep.” she said, a little too quickly

“Couldn't or didn't want to?” he threw back, almost as fast.

She stilled. How did he know?

“Does it matter?” she answered, an edge to her voice.

“Yes.”

She pulled her legs up under her and played with the sleeve of her top, avoiding his gaze. “I don't want to go to sleep.” she admitted “I'm afraid I'm see him again.”

He just nodded and looked hard at the floor. “After last year...after the Department of Mysteries, I felt the same way. The first week I was back at the Dursley's every time I would sleep I would dream of Sirius falling through the veil. Sometimes I would see you getting cursed by Dolohov. But the more I tried not to sleep and not to think about what had happened it just got worse.”

She was quiet, `Did he really have nightmares about her injury?' she thought, she didn't know what to think.

“How long did you have the dreams?” she asked

“That first week was the worst. I still have it every now and then.” Harry said, sounding embarrassed.

“I'm so tired.” she admitted “But when I shut my eyes, I'm back in that corridor and I can't move and no one's coming for me.” she blinked back tears, pressing the back of her hand over her mouth.

Harry brought his arms up and rested his elbows on his knees before letting his forehead drop to his hands.

“I'm so sorry.” he said, his voice low and sounding so torn she had trouble understanding him “I'm so sorry...I should have stopped him. I should have known...” he fisted his hair in his hands. She reached out a hand to stop him but he didn't notice “I should have made you stay at the party. I knew you were uncomfortable and I did nothing! I just let you go off with him. If I had made you stay you wouldn't have been hurt. If I had made you stay he would have never touched you!”

She covered his hands with hers and pulled them away from his face. His eyes were bright with unshed tears and he looked so forlorn “No, Harry. This isn't your fault.” she pleaded but he didn't seem to hear her.

“It is my fault!” he ground out “Everyone around me gets hurt! Anyone who is connected to me, who loves me, ends up dying! How can this not be my fault!”

“You are a good person, Harry Potter! This was not your fault!” but she knew she wasn't getting through to him.

He let her pull his arms down and then slid to his knees in front of her. “Please forgive me, Hermione, please.” he whispered and then wrapped his arms around her hips and laid his head in her lap as if seeking absolution.

She was completely overcome with emotion. To see Harry breakdown like this. To see him so affected. She felt a wave of love and tenderness for him come over her. Her hands hovered over his head before finally she gently brought them down and began to stroke her fingers through his dark locks.

He took a shuddering breath and his fingers dug into her hips. A shiver shot through her. She didn't say anything else, just sat and continued to touch his hair, the repetitive motion calming both of them. When his breathing had evened out she leaned down a pressed a long kiss into his head. “You're forgiven, Harry.” she said and he pulled her towards him until she had no other option but to slide off the front of the couch and join him on the floor.

Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and just held him tight. They didn't move for a long time. When the Weasley clock chimed two a.m Harry stood up without letting go of her and sat them back down on the couch. She slid off his lap and curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest and allowed herself to shut her eyes and fall asleep, feeling completely safe.

Harry woke them in time to steal back to their beds before anyone else was up. He gave her had a squeeze outside Ginny's door and his face bore no signs of embarrassment at what had happened hours earlier, although she did feel a flush in her cheeks as she ducked into the room.

It was now Christmas Eve and Mrs. Weasley had the house moving at a fevered pitch in preparation. Hermione immediately offered to help with anything that needed to be done and was put to work accordingly. She was glad for the distraction. Not being able to use magic, everything took longer and kept her from having to think about anything.

Harry and Ron were kept busy as well and she didn't see them that much although she knew they were always close by. She still didn't know what to make of the night before and Harry's breakdown. She had never seen him so vulnerable before and she wondered if he had ever allowed himself to be like that with anyone. His words kept running through her head as if on a loop `Anyone who loves me ends up dying.' She loved him, she knew that, she had loved him for years, but how did she love him. That was something she couldn't answer right then.

The last few days had brought out a side to Harry that she always knew was there but had never been so prominent. This was the Harry that she always knew he could be.

This was the beginning of the end. This was probably going to be their last relatively normal Christmas for the foreseeable future. The war could take years and she only hoped that they could look back at the people they were before it had all happened, before Harry had been forced to take up the mantle of General. She did know that no matter what, no matter where it would take her, she would always be by his side.

The boys came tromping through the back door just then, stomping shoes and unwrapping scarves from their necks, their cheeks rosy with the cold. Harry looked up and saw her standing at the sink and gave her a smile, a true smile, unfettered and genuine. She smiled back and locked the memory away, knowing that such a thing would become a rarity in the near future.

Ron headed straight for her to see what she was preparing and snatched one of the carrots she had just peeled. “Ron!” she shrieked indignantly and smacked at the back of his hand much too slowly. “If you eat everything I just worked on there won't be anything left!”

“Sorry, `Mione.” he said with a smirk and reached a hand out to snag another before darting out of the room.

She blew hair out of her eyes with an exasperated huff and caught Harry's eye. He was leaning against the door jamb and was looking at her with an expression she couldn't quite place.

“What?” she asked

“It's good to see you be you.” he said, pushing himself off the frame and walking towards her. He shot a look at the bowl behind her and gave her his best puppy dog impression.

She rolled her eyes “Oh go ahead.” she said and laughed as he grabbed a handful and backed out of the room “Get out of here carrot thieves before I send you out in the garden to get me more.”

The grin dropped from his face. “Anything but that. We just spent the last hour de-gnoming. I don't want to see that garden for a long time.”

“Then get out of here and let me work!” she said with mock annoyance and swatted a dish towel in his direction.

“Yes, Hermione.” he replied and winked on his way out the door.

Remus arrived a few hours later looking more haggard than they had ever seen him. She and Harry exchanged worried looks as everyone gathered in the living room to greet the former professor. She saw Harry pull him aside and whisper something and then saw Remus' eye dart up suddenly to find her.

She wasn't looking forward to that evening, filling everyone in on what had happened, having to answer questions about that night...she hoped she was strong enough.

Bill and Fleur came not long after and once again the Burrow was filled with sounds of happiness. Bill was clapping all the boys on the back and Fleur swept up to her, looking gorgeous as usual. “ `ello, `ermione.” said in her lilting accent and air kissed her on her cheeks.

Hermione smiled back good naturally “Hello, Fleur, how are you?”

“eet es miserable out there, but, we will carry on, non?”

Just then Molly announced dinner was ready and they crowded around the groaning table. As the dinner went on Hermione felt herself becoming more and more anxious. She knew Harry wanted to talk to all of them after they were done eating. She had been hungry when they sat down but now she could no nothing more than push the food around on her plate. Eventually she gave up on that all together and dropped her hands into her lap, playing with her napkin.

Fred and George's antics kept most of the attention off of her but Harry must have noticed her change in attitude. He laid an arm on the back of her chair and leaned over to speak quietly in her ear.

“How you holding up?” he asked and she suppressed a shudder as his warm breath tickled the hair on her neck.

“I'm fine...just nervous about later.” she said, hands still fidgeting.

With his other hand he reached over and stilled her movements. “Hey, it'll be ok. Everyone here cares about you.”

“I know...it's just not easy.”

The hand on the back of her chair slid under her hair and gave her neck a comforting squeeze and that time she couldn't stop the catch in her breath.

Harry returned to his meal and when she looked up she was under the knowing stare of Fleur who gave her a small nod. Hermione couldn't help the small blush that filled her cheeks.

When the dishes had been cleared away they all moved into the living room. She felt like her heart was going to pound right out of her chest. She made a beeline for the corner of the couch and sat with her feet curled under her, unconsciously making herself as small as possible. Harry sat next to her and Ron next to him.

Once everyone had settled down Remus turned his attention to Harry. “You said you wished to speak to us, Harry, about things that have been going on at Hogwarts?”

Harry turned to her and held her gaze, asking her permission one last time if he had the go ahead. She hesitated for only a moment and then nodded her consent.

He leaned forward, elbows on knees and had effectively used his body to block her from the majority of the room, only Bill and Fleur who were to her left sharing an arm chair could really see her. She didn't know if Harry's actions were on purpose or not, but she was grateful for them.

“Three nights ago Hermione was attacked during Slughorn's Christmas party.” he paused while the expected gasps and exclamations were made.

“Who would do such a thing?” Molly cried

“The person who did the attack was a seventh year Gryffindor by the name of Cormac McLaggen.” Harry answered.

“Why do you make it sound as if someone else was involved?” came Remus' quick reply, he didn't miss a thing.

“Because someone else was. Draco Malfoy used a potion on McLaggen that had similar effects to the imperious.” he explained “McLaggen then dosed Hermione's drink and took her to an isolated part of the castle.” Harry cut himself off here and pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing.

“She was paralyzed. He tortured her. He even....” and for the briefest of seconds Hermione thought he was going to tell them everything. “He even used crucio.”

“No!” came the horrified yell of Mrs. Weasley and she was halfway out of her seat to rush to Hermione when Mr. Weasley held out an arm to stop her.

Everyone was quiet and she wished nothing more than for the couch to swallow her whole.

“How ever did you get away from him?” Molly asked, her face pale and worried.

Even though the question had been directed at her, Hermione made no move to answer. She knew she shouldn't have allowed Harry to take on explaining everything but she knew she wouldn't have made it through on her own.

“Ron and I found her in time.” he said simply, although she could hear the guilt creep into his voice and he let his head hang down. Out the corner of her eye, she saw Ron drop a hand on his back in understanding, they both still blamed themselves for what had happened.

“Hermione.” it was Remus, and he was addressing her directly “Are you alright?”

She hesitated, she knew what she wanted to say, knew she wanted to say that, no, she wasn't alright and didn't know if she ever would be, but she also didn't want them to know everything that had happened to her.

She gave him a tight smile “I'm ok, Remus.” he seemed to accept her answer but she felt someone's eyes boring into her and finally turned her head to see the unwavering gaze of Fleur, studying her without concern of being obvious.

“There's something else.” Harry said, once again drawing everyone's attention. He reached over and laid a hand over hers “There was a message written on the wall.” he swallowed thickly before repeating the terrible words “Even your mudblood whore isn't safe Potter, where will you run to now”

The room was deadly silent and then there was an eruption of noise as they all began talking at once.

She turned in on herself, the noise was overwhelming and she couldn't handle any questions or comments right then even if they were intended to make her feel better.

The conversation continued. Harry answered the questions he could and then began telling them about his suspicions of Malfoy and Snape. As expected he was met with resistance from Remus and the others. Hermione knew he trusted Dumbledore but his hate and distrust of Snape made it very hard.

Everyone agreed that something was happening.

They continued to talk and plan and speculate. Remus filled them in on how he had spent the last few months entrenched with the werewolves. Bill told them about what they were hearing from the goblins and what Charlie was reporting from Romania. Hermione took the opportunity to look around the room and with a start she realized what this was. It was a war room, and Harry was at the center.

With a start she stood up and grabbed her empty tea cup, using it as an excuse to leave the room. She didn't even look at Harry as she passed by him.

She placed the cup in the sink and stood staring out the window into the black. There was a soft dinging sound as tiny pellets of ice pelted the glass. She was so lost in thought that when a hand clamped down on her shoulder she screamed and turned in an instant, wand out, and blasted the person who had surprised her.

Unfortunately it was Mr. Weasley.

Harry and Ron burst through the door, wands drawn, with Bill and Remus right behind them.

She dropped her wand and clamped both hands over her mouth, horrified at what she had done.

“Hermione!” Harry yelled and ran over to her, taking in the room as he did.

Ron looked to see that she was ok and then went to see to his dad who was sitting up slowly and rubbing the back of his head.

“Oh, Arthur!” Molly cried and rushed to his side.

“I'm fine dear, just fine. It was my fault.” he said generously

Ginny and Fleur slipped into the room and looked confused.

“No. Mr. Weasley. I'm so...I'm so sorry.” Hermione stammered out

Arthur got to his feet and crossed over to her “My dear girl, after what we just learned has happened to you it is I that am sorry. I should have never startled you like that.”

Hermione had no idea what to say so she simply nodded.

Molly smiled at her kindly as she came to her husband “Come along dear and lie down, I'll get something for your head.” and guided him to the stairs.

Hermione shut her eyes and wished she could just disappear. Harry bent down and picked up her wand, pressing it into her hand when he stood. She didn't want to take it but finally opened her fingers and allowed him to give it to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. “It's ok.” he said, trying to comfort her but she didn't want him to.

She shrugged out of his hold. “It's not ok!” she said bitingly “I just attacked Mr. Weasley! How can that be ok?!”

“You were caught off guard, thats all.” Ron said in tone that did more to enrage her than sooth.

“Oh, `thats all', is it? I almost take your father's head off and thats ok?” she knew she must look and sound like a crazy person but she just didn't care right then.

Harry reached a hand out again but she backed up, not missing the hurt look that crossed his face. “I hate this! I hate feeling like I'm always about to jump out of my own skin!”

Blood was rushing in her head and she just wanted to get out of there but no one seemed willing to let her go.

“I'm sorry, `Mione.” Harry said

And at his words she snapped “I know you're sorry! I know that both of you are so very sorry! But `sorry' didn't keep it from happening. `Sorry' didn't keep YOU from walking away from me” she yelled pointing an accusing finger at Ron “and `sorry' didn't keep YOU from letting him almost rape me!” this one directed at Harry.

There was a collective gasp in the room and if she had been in full control of herself she would have stopped the words from coming but it was as if she was outside of her body and she was absolutely incapable of stopping.

Ron looked like he was going to be sick and Harry sagged as if he had been punched in the stomach. She leveled Harry with a glare and delivered the knock out blow “Funny how Harry Potter can manage to save everyone else but me.” as soon as the words were out of her mouth it was like she was sucked back into her body. Her eyes went wide in horror and she turned on her heel and dashed out of the room.

She made it as far as the upstairs bathroom before she dove for the toilet and retched all the dinner she had eaten. As she let her head rest on the cool porcelain she shook with regret at the terrible things she had said and didn't try to hold back her tears.

The sound of the water being turned on broke through her reverie and then there was a soft damp cloth wiping down her face and neck. Hermione expected it to be Molly or Ginny and she was shocked when she looked up to see Fleur.

The French girl didn't say anything, just held out a hand to help her out and then guided her back to Ginny's room.

They sat next to each other on Hermione's bed and she wondered why Fleur had followed her of all people.

“When I was in my fifth year I was just learning what it meant to be part Veela. We were home for break and there was a boy in my neighborhood that I liked very much. I was too strong, with my powers and he could not stop. I was very much frightened. He almost...well...my brotherz...they stop him but I was not right for a long time afterwardz.”

Hermione was quiet, to know that the same thing had happened to Fleur...it was humbling. “How did you ever feel...feel safe again?”

“It was not ezee” she admitted “but with time...you will feel like yourself again. In fact, you have already begun.”

Hermione looked at her in confusion “What do you mean?”

“You were scared and you fought back.” she said and Hermione realized she was right, when Mr. Weasley had scared her she didn't cower or run away, she went on the defense and saved herself.

Hermione nodded that she understood and then felt sick to her stomach again as she recalled all the terrible things she had said. She held her head in her hands and groaned. “Fleur, how will they ever forgive me?”

“Zat is ezee. Zey love you.”

She lifted her head and looked at the older girl with new eyes, Fleur was actually very nice. “Thank you.”

“Eet is nothing.” she said with a seemingly detached shrug, but Hermione knew the truth.

“Now, let us go, your boys are waiting for you.”

She knew she had to fix the damage she had done, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants before standing up.

Fleur gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze and left the room before her.

Hermione stood at the door and took a deep breath, after what Harry had said to her last night for her to say such awful things to him was unforgivable. She would understand if he never wanted to see her again.

Halfway down the stairs she could tell that the house was mostly quiet, she didn't know where everyone had gone, but sitting alone in a kitchen chair and looking quite forlorn was Ron.

He stood up when he heard her and made his way to the bottom of the stairs. She didn't even think, just rushed down the remaining steps and threw herself at him. He caught her and didn't let her go as she buried her face in his neck and said “I'm sorry.” over and over and over again. He didn't set her down and her feet dangled a foot off the ground thanks to his height.

“Please, Ron, can you ever forgive me?” she begged

“Only if you can forgive me.” he said into her hair

“Oh, I do. I do. I shouldn't have said that. I don't think it, really! I was just so upset and..”she babbled on until he stopped her

“I know. It's ok.” he said sincerely and pulled her closer.

She lifted her head and looked at him, glad to see he no longer looked so sad. “You need to see to Harry now, you know how damned guilty he gets about everything.”

She gulped audibly and nodded. He pressed a brotherly kiss to her forehead and sat her on her feet. “He took off outside.” he said, directing her towards the door. “Here, take this, it's nasty out.” and pressed an old coat of Bill or Charlie's that had been hanging on a peg into her hands.

Before she put it on though she turned to him “Do you think he'll forgive me?”

Ron just laughed “Of course he will, you're Hermione.” and then he turned to leave.

Slipping the coat over her shoulders it swallowed her up immediately but it was warm. She tugged the folds around her she stepped out into the winter night, it was snowing now.

She followed faint footsteps around to the garden and saw him, sitting as still as a statue on an old tree stump, serving his self imposed penance.

A fine layer of snow now sat on his head but he didn't seem to notice the cold.

She approached him from his side and knew he had seen her when he tensed. She had no idea what to say, for once Hermione Granger was left speechless.

Stopping about five feet from him neither of them spoke and the silence stretched on until finally she couldn't take it any longer.

“Oh Harry!” she exclaimed and threw herself on him, hoping he wouldn't reject her.

His seeker reflexes kicked in and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, clutching her to him so fiercely she thought a rib might crack.

She was overjoyed at his reaction. Much like with Ron she began apologizing, profusely. He didn't say a word, just held on to her like a lifeline. “I can't believe I said something so terrible! I'm so so sorry!” she cried

“You didn't say anything that wasn't true.” he said finally

“Harry! You can't mean that!” abhorred at what she had done to him “You did save me. You did!”

“Pure luck that Ron saw you and that I had the map, thats all.” he said dismissively

“If not for that we wouldn't have known you were missing for...”but his voice choked on the thought and he couldn't finish.

“You can't do this! You can't play the `what if' game. Because if we're going to do that then I have to take my share of the blame as well.”

“No! You didn't do anything wrong.” he said, almost angrily

“Didn't I? I went out with McLaggen for the sole purpose of making Ron mad. That obviously could have been avoided. I'm the one that put myself in that situation.”

“Hermione, I mean it, you have to stop, you cannot blame yourself.”

“But, I...”

“Stop!” he yelled, cutting her off “If you can't stop for yourself then you need to stop for me, ok?”

“Ok,” she conceded

“Everything has changed.” he said, “Earlier tonight, in that living room, everyone was looking to me! It was surreal. But I have to accept that this is how things are going to be, that this is a war we're in the middle of. And like I told you the other day, you're the reason. You're my reason for doing what I'm doing.” he took a shuddering breath.

“I can't do this without you.” he said, half-sobbing

“You won't have to.” she promised, grabbing his face between her hands “I will be with you, every step.”

“I wouldn't have it any other way. But you have to stay safe...I can't....I can't even imagine.” and he trailed off, seriously frightened at the thought of her being hurt.

“You have to stay safe too, you're irreplaceable.” he began to protest but she stopped him. “It's true. And I will do my best, but no more coddling. I need to put this behind me and I can't do that if you're constantly trying to fix me.” she said seriously

“I'll try, `Mione.” he conceded, although he didn't look overly happy with the idea.

“Thank you” she said and pulled him in for another hug.

He buried his face in her neck this time and she shrieked as he put his cold nose on her. “Harry!” she yelled and swatted at his arm

He peeked an eye at her and winked before pulling her in again “Don't you dare do that again!” she demanded

“I promise, I won't do it again.” he said with mock sincerity.

And he was true to his word, however, instead of messing with her she felt his warm lips press a kiss into her neck.

A shot of desire went straight through her and she gasped, reeling back from him as she did. `Where did that come from?' she questioned.

Her heart was pounding and she didn't think she could feel her extremities. Harry was frozen in place and she couldn't read the look on his face. “Harry?” she said tentatively

“I'm sorry `Mione...I didn't mean...I mean...I” he stammered, truly looking as if he had not planned on that happening.

“It's ok, don't worry about it.” she said, hoping to reassure him.

“Are you sure...I mean...I”

“I'm sure. No harm done.”

Harry looked everywhere but her eyes and she took a step back until they weren't touching anymore. “Let's go back.” she said “You're freezing.”

“Are you sure...” he started again, but she cut him off

“Yes! I'm sure! Don't worry about it.” and as if to prove it to both of them she slipped her arm through him and gave him a tug.

He resisted at first but eventually followed her lead, looking a little more like himself.

As they stepped back into the Burrow the clock went off. It was midnight.

“Happy Christmas, Harry.” she said, and before she could lose her nerve stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

9. Christmas

Author's Note:

As always, lovely reviews. Thank you!

It may not be as H/Hr as some of the last few parts, but remember, I'm taking this slow. :)

And now some bad news. :( I'm going away for the weekend so these daily updates are going to be put on hold. I will be able to write some though and hope to have the next chapter out sometime Sunday.

This chapter takes place during `A Very Frosty Christmas' Chap. 16 in HBP. There are some lines that are word for word, others are changed a bit. I don't know if that means I need a disclaimer or not, but if so:

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine, I'm merely borrowing them for a bit.

Enjoy!

If Harry thought he was going to get any sleep that particular night he was quite mistaken. After everything that had happened that day it amazed him that he was still able to function. Hermione's many many changes in mood were hard to deal with. Not that he faulted her for having them, quite the contrary he didn't know how she was even able to put one foot in front of the other right then, but because it was so hard to watch her hurt and not be able to do a damn thing about it.

He would be lying if he said that her words earlier hadn't tore his heart out. He knew she was just speaking out of fear and frustration, but there had to be some truth to it or she wouldn't have said it. He could still hear her accusation ringing in his ears `Funny how Harry Potter can save everyone else but me.' He shook his head sharply in an effort to rid himself of the memory.

Sighing heavily he rolled onto his side and stared out of the crooked window. Frost had edged the panes and there was a decided chill on the upper floor of the Burrow, he pulled his blanket tighter underneath his chin. He still didn't know what possessed him to kiss her. What had he been thinking? She was just days out from being physically attacked, she was his best friend and they were on the brink of war. His timing was about as bad as it could be. But he hadn't been thinking, it just felt right and he couldn't honestly say he regretted the act, just maybe the consequences.

The talk with Remus and the others hadn't gone as well as he had wished either. They were cautious about Malfoy and Snape, but no one wanted to tell him anything concrete. Just kept repeating that if Dumbledore trusted Snape he should as well. That was a hard pill to swallow. When they returned to Hogwarts he planned on having a long talk with the headmaster about Snape and Malfoy had better not even think about stepping foot inside the castle walls again.

As he laid there he faintly heard as the clock chimed the hours. He hoped that Hermione had been able to sleep without having nightmares tonight. And he eventually drifted off himself.

Ron's exclamation of “She's got to be joking!” woke him from a restless sleep.

He sat up, blinking and reached for his glasses before looking over at his best friend to see him holding up a thick gold chain with the words `My Sweetheart' hanging off the middle.

“What is that?” Harry asked, not bothering to hide his amusement

“It's from Lavender, guess she sent it before we broke up.” Ron was still staring at the necklace in amazement

“Did she really think I would wear this?” he asked, more to himself than to Harry.

“I dunno mate, I think it looks nice.” but Harry wasn't able to keep a straight face.

The bottom of his bed was covered in packages of all sizes and for a moment he let himself forget everything that had been happening and dug in with glee.

There was, of course, a new sweater knitted by Mrs. Weasley. This years had a large golden snitch worked into the front. Fred and George had given him a box of their finest and there was a small, poorly wrapped package from Kreacher. He swore it moved by itself and he chose to just toss it.

He looked over at Ron and saw that both of them had what appeared to be the same package, wrapped in the same paper. Presents from Hermione.

They exchanged sly looks and then tore into them with vigor. But when Harry saw what she had given him he froze. It was a picture frame, heavy silver but obviously magical as it had a golden snitch chasing around the outside of the frame with a small keeper on broom forever in chase. The picture was of all three of them, taken during a D.A meeting last year. He vaguely remembered Colin asking them to pose and Ron making some smart arse comment that got Hermione riled up but when it was time to take the picture they actually all behaved. Hermione was in the middle with both of the boys arms wrapped around her shoulders and they were all smiling broadly. Because it was a magical picture occasionally Hermione and Ron would quarrel for a bit but then she would smack him and they would once again be smiling. He stared at it for a long time before looking up and seeing that Ron had also been affected by the thoughtful gift.

“Good picture, eh?” he said, holding his up and Harry could see that his frame had a keeper defending the hoops.

“Yeah, definitely a good picture.” Harry carefully placed the frame next to his bed.

He watched Ron do the same before turning back to him with a grin “Want to see what everyone else got?”

“Let's go!” Harry yelled and gave Ron a shove as he bolted for the door first.

“Oy! That's playing dirty, Potter.” Ron yelled as they clattered down the stairs in their pajamas

“All's fair, Weasley.” he shouted back and swung down the last six stairs and skidded into the kitchen, Ron almost crashing into him from behind as the rest of the house looked on in amusement.

Harry looked around and found Hermione leaning against a counter, one hand wrapped around a tea cup the other wrapped around her middle as she laughed so hard she was shaking.

He caught Ron's eye and gave him a wink “I think we need to properly thank our best friend for her lovely, thoughtful presents, don't you?” with a devious cant to his voice

Ron caught on immediately and began to stalk towards Hermione “I think that's a smashing idea.”

Hermione was wiping a tear from her eye and saw them advancing on her. She quickly sat the tea cup down and held her hands up in front of her “What do you two think you're doing?” she asked in mock indignation and then they were upon her, tickling and laughing as she shrieked and screamed and tried to get away from them. “Get off of me you oafs!” she yelled, with a wide grin on her face but her words struck him and for just a second he stilled and thought about how their actions may have made her uncomfortable and remember being paralyzed. She must have felt him pause because she caught his eye and he nodded, understanding that she was okay. They ended up in a slightly strange three person hug before she somehow managed to duck down and crawl out from underneath them, leaving only Ron and Harry with their arms around each other.

The twins of course let out howls of laughter and even Fleur was seen giggling behind a dainty hand.

“Alright! Alright! Thats enough!!” Molly yelled over the din, trying to regain control of her brood “Get out of my kitchen or there won't be any breakfast for you lot.”

That was all she had to say and the kitchen was cleared in mere seconds.

They once again congregated in the living room, but the mood was much lighter than the night before. Hermione sat in what he was beginning to think of as `her' spot and he plopped down on the floor in front of the couch, allowing Ron and Ginny to have a seat.

`Thankyou's' were being passed around and Ginny was showing off a pendant her parents had gotten her.

Harry craned his neck around so he could see Hermione “Thanks for the picture and the frame, `Mione, it's fantastic.”

“You're welcome. Colin showed it to me when we came back this fall and I asked him to make copies.”

He noticed she had pulled a letter out of her robe pocket and seemed to be studying it.

“Everything okay?” he asked, nodding at the letter.

“Oh this? Yes, it's from my parents, they want me to come home at the end of the week and spend New Year's with them.”

He was quiet, the thought of her being gone for a week, where he couldn't see that she was ok, that he couldn't be there if something went wrong...he didn't like that one bit.

“How do you feel about that?” he asked, keeping his voice neutral

“I don't know.” she answered honestly “I want to see them. But...I'm worried...about leaving y...”and her face flushed “I mean...I'm worried about leaving here.”

“Well whatever you decide I'm behind you 100%”

“Thanks Harry.” she said with a smile and then Ginny came to drag her away to help in the kitchen.

The rest of the day was spent purposely avoiding anything to do with Voldemort or Death Eaters or anything that was remotely negative. Molly had prepared an early dinner and they all sat down in their brand new Christmas sweaters to enjoy a delicious meal.

Hermione was quiet but she looked somewhat at peace, not anxious or upset. Harry was kind enough to bring up Lavender's present to Ron and everyone at the table got a good laugh at his expense, including Hermione.

Suddenly the normal meal chatter was interrupted by Molly “Arthur!” she rose from her chair and clutched a hand over her heart, her view fixed out the window “Arthur! It's Percy!”

“What?!”

Everyone clamored to look out the window and see if she could possibly be correct. But sure enough, there was Percy Weasley striding across the front lawn, however, he wasn't alone.

With him was Rufus Scrimgeour, the Minister of Magic.

Percy opened the door and stepped in, “Happy Christmas, Mother.” he said cooly and Molly screeched and threw her arms around him. No one else at the table said a thing. Harry looked at the rest of the Weasleys and was not surprised to see stoney faces.

Percy stood woodenly and waited as his mother hugged him but made no move to hug her back. Git.

“Forgive the intrusion, please.” said the Minister “We were in the area and Percy said how much he'd like to drop in and see you all.”

Harry thought that this was highly unlikely.

Percy didn't bother to greet the rest of his family, nor they he. Harry shot Hermione a look and saw that she was studying the Minister but she slid her eyes to him and gave him a nod to confirm his own suspicions-he was up to something.

Molly fluttered and flustered, trying to get them both to join the table, but the Minister turned her down, claiming that he didn't want to intrude and had only come with Percy by chance.

`Yeah, right.' Harry thought.

“Well, I thought I might have a walk about the garden, we only stopped in for a few minutes. Perhaps someone could show me around.” Scrimgeour said looking down the table until his eyes landed on Harry “Ah, perhaps this young man, he seems to be done.”

The room was completely quiet, a rare occurrence for the Burrow in the middle of the day. Everyone could see through his charade. Everyone except for Molly, of course. They had come here so the Minister could talk to Harry.

He heard Hermione's breath hitch next to him and he took his time chewing his last bite of food and wiping his mouth before laying his napkin down. “Yeah, all right.” he said, locking eyes with Scrimgeour.

As he started to rise Hermione's hand shot out and covered his. He turned his palm up and gave her a squeeze, “I'm sure.” he whispered to her unasked question.

He passed behind Lupin who half rose from his seat and Mr. Weasley who looked like he was about to speak “It'll be fine.” he said to both of them and he walked past the Minister, reaching out to grab a coat from the rack by the door, pulling the same one Hermione had worn the night before.

Scrimgeour followed him out and they walked in silence for a few minutes. Finally Harry stopped and turned to him. “What do you want?”

The Minister seemed taken aback by his abruptness “Why, whatever do you mean?” still playing his part.

“You know who I am. And I know you've been wanting to meet with me. Why?”

His mask slipped just a bit, he nodded “I've been wanting to meet you since I took office, but...Dumbledore has prevented this.”

Harry was silent.

Flustered, Scrimgeour started again. “There have been rumors, I'm sure you're aware, well, that you're `The Chosen One'.”

“Have there?” Harry said, a touch of sarcasm in his voice

The Minister continued as if he hadn't heard. “Of course it doesn't matter if you are or not, just that you are perceived as such.”

Ah, Harry thought, here we are. The real reason. Much like Fudge, Scrimgeour didn't care what the truth was, just what people thought it was.

“I really don't know what you mean, Minister.” he said innocently

Scrimgeour was good, he had to admit. He kept going on about the good of the wizarding community, about how much it meant to give people hope at times such as these and about how helpful it would be if Harry could just do him this small favor and be seen coming and going from the Ministry occasionally.

The suggestion that he would willingly work with the likes of Scrimgeour and Umbridge was enough to make his blood boil.

“So basically, you'd like Harry to give the impression that he was working for the Ministry.” came Hermione's chilly voice from behind them. She stepped up to his side and held the Minister in her gaze.

Scrimgeour, to his credit, didn't seemed fazed by her appearance. “I'm sorry, my dear, but I had wished to speak to Mister Potter alone.” he said, in a most patronizing tone.

“Minister. I don't believe you've had the pleasure. This is Hermione Granger, my best friend, top of the class at Hogwarts and brightest witch of her age.” Harry said, enjoying the slight flush that crept up her neck at his words. He knew how much those monikers annoyed her.

“Miss Granger.” said the Minister, not hiding his displeasure very well.

And then Harry leaned in slightly as if sharing a secret “Oh, and she's Muggle-born.” not disappointed when the man jumped a bit, although it did get him an elbow in the side from Hermione.

“Yes, well...” Scrimgeour stammered, but Harry cut him off.

“Hermione stays or we're done talking.” he said, forcefully

The Minister gave the slightest of nods. “Very well then. Like we were discussing.” he said pointedly “Unity is very important.”

“But if I'm seen at the Ministry won't people think that I approve of what's going on there?” he said innocently

“Well yes, partly, but...”

Harry cut him off. “No, I don't think that will work. I don't like some of the things the Ministry is doing.”

Immediately Scrimgeour's whole attitude changed. He had realized his tactic was no longer working. “I wouldn't expect you to understand. These are complex issues we are dealing with and you're just a sixteen year old wizard who...”

“I understand perfectly well, Minister.” Hermione said in a falsely sweet voice. “You want Harry here to be the poster boy for the Ministry. You don't care if he is or isn't `The Chosen One'. You don't even care if he lives or dies. You just want people to think that you have one bit of an idea of how to deal with Voldemort and you want Harry to stand up and do your dirty work for you, and damn the consequences.”

Harry just stared at her for a long minute. She was in her element here. Not many people would have the courage or conviction to talk down to the Minister of Magic but she didn't seem to care.

Scrimgeour didn't know what to make of her. His mouth flopped open and he looked quite like a drowning fish for a moment before he gathered himself back together. “Can't even speak for yourself, Potter. Hiding behind Dumbledore and this...girl.”

Harry just smiled at him. “If you want to call it that. But Dumbledore and `this girl' are the two people I admire most in the world and I respect their opinion.”

“I don't suppose you'd tell me what Dumbledore is up to when he leaves the school.”

“I have no idea what the headmaster does on his own time.” Harry answered truthfully

“And you wouldn't tell me if you did, would you?”

“No, I wouldn't.”

“Well, I suppose I will have to try and find out by other means.” and there was no doubt that the Minister's voice held a warning.

“You can try.” Harry said in an icy tone he didn't quite recognize as his own. He noticed that even Hermione had turned her head towards him as he spoke.

Scrimgeour held his gaze before narrowing his eyes “Dumbledore's man through and through, aren't you Potter?”

And Harry smiled “Yeah, I am.” He turned and grabbed Hermione's wrist “Glad we straighten that out.” and they walked away, leaving the Minister of Magic behind them.

They didn't go straight to the house though, he didn't want to risk running into Scrimgeour again. He led them through the trees to the small pond, frozen over now for the winter.

Harry brushed a small layer of snow off the bench and they sat.

Hermione turned to him and he saw that her eyes were sparkling “You were amazing, Harry!”

He smiled “You were too. You know you just told off the Minister of Magic, right?”

She blushed and dropped her eyes. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and he realized she had come after him wearing only her new lilac colored sweater.

“Here.” he said and stripped off the borrowed coat he was wearing and dropped it over her shoulders.

She began to protest but he cut her off “I'm not cold, really.” and he wasn't, the experience with Scrimgeour had got his blood boiling.

She smiled in thanks and pulled the folds of the coat around her.

They were both lost in thought “Ministry's getting worried, aren't they?” she said

“Seems that way.”

“They have no clue what we're up against.” she said softly.

“Not in the slightest.” he answered.

Just then they heard a commotion behind them and turned, peering through the bare branches they could just make out the Minister and Percy leaving the Burrow. Scrimgeour was obviously upset and they couldn't make much out beyond Percy's profuse apologies.

“Ready to head back?” he asked “I think it's safe now.”

They could hear the din as they approached the door and walking in they were hit with a wall of noise. Everyone was shouting or gesturing, red faces to match the red hair.

Like a switch had been flipped it was silent, all eyes turned towards Harry and Hermione.

“What happened out there?” Remus asked

“Hermione told the Minister to go stuff himself. What's for dessert?” he said and made his way back to his chair, enjoying how the entire room took a collective gasp of air.

Hermione shrieked in indignation “Harry! How could you!”

Molly clasped a hand to her chest. “Surely not!”

The twins roared in laughter “We always knew you had it in you, Hermione.” one of them shouted.

Ron pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “Thats our girl.” he said proudly.

Hermione was getting madder by the second and he was loving it. “I did no such thing! Harry! Don't lie!”

He scooped a giant helping of pudding on his plate and took a bite before pointing his spoon in her direction “Well, actually, you kinda did. And I quote `You want Harry to stand up and do your dirty work for you and damn the consequences'. It was quite brilliant.” he said smiling broadly.

Hermione sputtered before finally sinking down in the chair next to him “Well...I suppose I did then.” she admitted and everyone howled in laughter.

When everyone had their plates filled he told them what Scrimgeour had wanted.

But as amusing as it had been, the information also had a sobering affect. “The Ministry is worried.” Remus said, gravely

Harry nodded. “Did you know they were this...”

“In this much denial?” he finished “No, not really.”

They finished their dessert in silence.

The next few days were mostly quiet. Harry tried his hardest not to treat Hermione any differently but it was difficult. He could tell she was doing better, but she still had dark circles under her eyes and would occasionally become jumpy.

He played Quidditch with Ron and the twins. Bill and Fleur had left on Boxing Day to visit her family in France. The evenings were spent over a chess board. He felt he owned Ron a few hundred games to make up for the last couple of months. Hermione would usually read or work on homework, but he would catch her lost in thought sometimes. She was leaving the next day for her parent's home and he could tell she was getting anxious.

That night he fell asleep before Ron, mercilessly avoiding his snores. He was back in the Department of Mysteries, curses were flying over his head and he, Neville and Hermione were fighting for their lives. He knew what was to come next and he spun in time to see Dolohov fire off his curse. He watched her fall and then Neville was telling him that she was dead.

He sat straight up in bed, chest heaving and covered in sweat. Ron slept on none the wiser.

Harry raked a shaky hand through his hair and peeled off his wet t-shirt. He dug around in his trunk and pulled out the first thing he could find, last years quidditch jersey with his last name across the back.

He knew he wasn't going to go back to sleep anytime soon. Heading for the stairs he crept quietly down the hall until he was in the living room.

Sitting in the corner of the couch, head propped up on her hand, was Hermione. His breath caught in his throat. His dream had been so real. To see her sitting here, whole and alive was...it was wonderful.

When he got closer he saw she was asleep, a book forgotten in her lap. He sat down heavily in the arm chair and just watched her. He had decided he was going to send Hedwig back with her. Between them not being allowed to do magic outside of school and the pretty decent chance that the Ministry wouldn't do much to help her if the need arose he wanted some way to keep connected to her.

“Hey.” she said suddenly, her voice gravely from sleep and the thought came to him that he quite liked the way she sounded.

“Hey. Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.”

“It's ok. I wasn't really sleeping.” she answered, putting the book aside and stretching her legs out in front of her. “Why are you down here?”

“Bad dream.” he said, knowing she would understand.

“Oh.” she said softly and bit her lip before continuing “Sirius or me?”

“You.” was all he said, seeing her eyes go wide “Except this time you were dead.” he leaned his head back and scrubbed both hands over his face.

A touch on his knee brought him back and he looked down to see her crouched by the edge of the chair, the dying fire lighting her from behind. “I'm not dead, Harry. I'm right here.”

He couldn't help himself, he had barely touched her in days, standing back and letting her be, but he had gotten used to holding her hand, or her needing him to hold her and he had to admit that he had liked it. He pulled her up onto the chair with him, sighing when she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back.

“I missed this.” she admitted, and he let out a laugh

“Me too.” he whispered into her hair.

She scooted in next to him, the two of them sharing the chair as best they could. She let out a sigh of contentment and laid her head on his chest.

“I'm worried about leaving tomorrow.” she said ever so quietly as her fingers began to play with the stitching on the front of his jersey. “I do want to see my parents, I've missed them but...I can't tell them what happened. They would probably try and pull me out of Hogwarts.” he immediately stiffened at her words. Hermione not at Hogwarts? He couldn't even process such an idea.

She lifted her head and looked at him “Don't worry, Harry. I'm not going anywhere.” He looked down and noticed how close her face was to his. He pulled her closer to him, her head dropping back down, in an effort to cover up his reaction. `Now is not the time.' he reminded himself.

“Thats good.” he said, his voice only somewhat betraying his real emotions.

They sat quietly, staring at the extinguished fire. “I'm sending Hedwig with you.” holding up a hand at her expected protests.

“No. You don't get a say. You can't use magic and I don't trust the Ministry to help you if you need it. At least if you have Hedwig you have a way to contact me if need be.” She didn't say anything in response. “And don't think this is me thinking you can't take care of yourself. I'm doing this more for me than for you.”

He heard her sniff and wipe a hand across her eye “Thank you, Harry.”

“Always, `Mione.” he replied and stroked a hand over her hair. He liked how it felt and didn't stop. The repetitive motion was soothing and soon he felt himself start to doze off. He chanced a glance and saw that Hermione's eyes were shut and her breathing slow and even. `Just a few minutes' he thought to himself `Just a few minutes and then I'll go back to my room.'

For once he was having a very pleasant dream, it was sunny and warm and he was walking around the lake at Hogwarts with someone, he just couldn't get a good look at their face. A strange noise was interrupting his solitude though and then the noise came again.

“Ahem!”

Harry slowly opened his eyes and saw the perturbed form of Molly Weasley standing in front of him, hands on hips.

And then he remembered why she was looking at him like that. Hermione was still curled up next to him, asleep on his chest.

“Uh...good morning, Mrs. Weasley.” he said sheepishly

“Now Harry dear, I know I am not your mother but you are in my house and there are certain...behaviors that are just simply not allowed.” she began and he could tell she was only just beginning.

He had never been on the receiving end of a Molly Weasley dressing down and he didn't quite relish the idea that he was about to find out what it was like.

He cut her off before she could continue “Mrs. Weasley, I'm sorry. I had a bad dream and came down to be by myself but I found Hermione down here and we ended up talking. She's worried about going home today.” he explained, hoping Hermione wouldn't be upset that he had talked about her.

As expected though Molly's entire demeanor changed “Oh you poor dears. Of course, of course.”

“It's okay,” Harry smiled, and he could tell by Hermione's breathing that she was indeed awake.

Molly headed for the kitchen and he poked a finger in Hermione's side, causing her to jump “Thanks for the help, Granger.” he said in mock annoyance.

“You were handling it so well I didn't want to interrupt.” she said slyly, raising herself up. They were eye level now and she held his gaze “Thanks for last night. And thanks for letting me take Hedwig.”

“Anytime.” he responded.

“Guess I'd better go finish packing. McGonagall said they would open a Floo connection at my parent's house at ten.” she said as she pushed off of him and headed for the stairs.

He sat there for a minute, missing her warmth. What was he going to do without her here for a week?

The next couple hours went by all too quickly. Soon enough Hermione's belongings were piled in front of the fireplace and they had gathered to tell her goodbye.

Harry saw Hedwig land on a window sill and crossed over to her. He held out his arm and she hopped on. He stroked her soft plumage and she nibbled a little too hard on one of his fingers. “Go on to Hermione's house, girl. I'll see you back at Hogwarts.” she hooted in reply and took off through the open window.

It was only Harry, Ron, Ginny and Mrs. Weasley to see her off, the others were all back at work. Mrs. Weasley gave her a long hug and told her how glad they had been to have her over the holiday. Ginny was next, hugging her friend tightly. Ron scooped her up into a great bear hug so that once again her feet dangled off the ground. He saw her whisper something into his ear that made his face go serious for a second before he sat her down. She quickly kissed his cheek and then headed his direction.

He held out a hand and she took it. “If you need anything, suspect anything, don't hesitate, send Hedwig, okay?”

“Yes Harry.” she said in a slightly mocking tone. But when she saw that he wasn't joking she sobered. “I promise. And it won't be that long, we'll be back to Hogwarts in less than a week.”

“Hermione dear, it's almost time.” Molly said

“Give us a hug then.” she said with a wide smile, “and try not to get into any trouble while I'm gone.”

He pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her waist. He rested his head atop hers for a moment before leaning down and whispering into her hair “I'm going to miss you.” he said, his voice low

She tightened her grip and then turned her head so that her face was hidden in his neck “I'm going to miss you too.” she replied, her lips ever so slightly brushing his skin as she spoke, and his heart flipped.

She pulled away, leaving him in a daze. The next think he knew she was already standing in the fire place, trunk and carrier precariously balanced together. Her eyes locked on his before she through the powder, calling out her parent's address. And then she was gone.

10. Return

Author's Note:

Thank you again for truly amazing and wonderful reviews! And thanks for being patient. I know that my super-frequent updates are going to fall off soon (not go away-don't panic), but while the muse is in control I can only bend to her will.

This is based off part of Chapter 17 `A Sluggish Memory'. I hope no one is disappointed in the week away between H/Hr. :)

This chapter is from Hermione's POV.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I am merely borrowing them.

Stepping into that fireplace was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She clutched her trunk and Crookshanks' carrier awkwardly in one hand and Floo powder in the other. Harry seemed to be in a trance but he jolted out of it just before she left. She focused on his eyes and then threw the powder, saying her parent's address as she did.

Her parents were waiting for her with happy grins on their faces. She shook off as much ash and soot as she could, popped the lock for Crookshanks and sat down her trunk before crossing to them. They both hugged her at once.

The house was warm and smelled of cinnamon and for just an instant she felt like she was little again. But then the last week played through her mind in a flash and she remembered that innocence was something she was never going to have again.

She plastered a fake smile on her face and told her parents she was going to unpack. Her childhood room looked completely foreign to her. Since she had begun at Hogwarts its appearance hadn't changed much. She never had a problem with that. Logically it didn't make sense to re-do a room she only spent two and a half months in. Usually by the time she was settled and feeling like home it was time to go back.

It was a good sized room and had windows on two walls which she was always grateful for in the colder months. The walls were a pale pink, a holdover from when she was allowed to pick the color at age six. The bed was also a relic of days gone by. It was white and had once had four posters and a canopy but she requested they be pulled down a few years ago. The rest of the room was filled with bookshelves.

She dropped her trunk and place the cat carrier in the closet. Ten minutes later her trunk was unpacked and she was sitting quietly on her bed. She knew her parents were waiting for her but all she could think of was that she missed Harry. It was silly, really, they had been apart plenty of times before. But they weren't the same anymore and being away from him was going to be difficult.

Deciding she had spent as much time as she could she made her way downstairs. Lunch was ready and she did enjoy the next hour catching up with her parents. She filled them in on her classes, how her grades had been, funny things the girls had said or done in the dorms, all light, fluffy things that bore no real consequences or could even hint at what had really happened.

Unfortunately her parents hadn't been able to take much time off while she was home so there would be no holiday to keep her attention. She had already finished all her homework, extra work and everything else she could possibly do for school.

The first two days of her imposed exile- as she was deciding to now call it- were not that bad. She reread some of her favorite books, stayed up late watching movies with her mum and did the morning crossword with her dad. But after two days it was too much. She missed Harry and she was on edge.

Her sleep hadn't improved. She'd be able to nod off for a few hours but eventually the dream would find her. The person hurting her would switch, sometimes Voldemort, sometimes McLaggen, sometimes Malfoy, one time it was even Harry and that had shaken her so bad she didn't even bother to try and go back to sleep.

Hedwig was a comfort and she wanted so badly to send a letter to the Burrow but she knew that if Harry saw his owl flying back to him he would immediately think something had happened. She couldn't do that to him.

The third morning she was sitting in the front room sipping a cup of tea, the house quiet after her parents had left for work when she heard what sounded very much like an apparition.

The tea cup fell to the carpet with a soft thud and she had her wand in her hand immediately.

She scanned the front yard and ran around to the kitchen to look into the back. There was nothing. Her heart was pounding and she had broken out in a cold sweat. She spent the rest of the day patrolling the house, but nothing else happened.

She stared at Hedwig a long time that night, considering whether or not to send a note to Harry. Eventually she convinced herself that nothing had actually happened. She didn't sleep that night.

The fourth day she knew she couldn't sit around doing nothing. She walked to a local store, bought a can of paint and some brushes and busied herself by redoing her room. That night she was so exhausted she fell asleep immediately and didn't dream.

The fifth morning was her last full one away from Hogwarts. She packed her trunk as soon as she woke up. After breakfast she left with her parents, they had taken the day off and the three of them spent the day in London, shopping, eating and having a relatively good time. The next morning she would be returning to school.

That night her dreams were back. Going back to Hogwarts was a double edged sword. She would be reunited with Harry and Ron but she would also have to deal with the after affects of her attack. The dreams tonight were the worst they had ever been and she woke herself up with a strangled scream.

She pushed damp hair off her forehead and gave up on sleep. It was three a.m.

For the next four hours she tidied her room, got dressed, and read. Her mum went all out for breakfast but she wasn't all that hungry. Thirty minutes before she was due to leave she was sitting in the living room, trunk ready and a disgruntled Crookshanks pouting in his carrier. She had sent Hedwig ahead to Hogwarts already. Her parents had begun to get suspicious of her behavior but didn't question her on it before she left.

The Floo sprang to life and she was ready. She hugged her parents goodbye, stepped anxiously into the fireplace and shouted `Hogwarts'.

She was deposited in Professor McGonagall's office.

“Good day, Miss Granger.” came the voice of her favorite teacher.

“Hello Professor.” she replied, her eyes dancing back to the fireplace, waiting for it to flare up once more.

“I brought you here a bit early, I thought perhaps we could talk.”

A cold hand gripped her stomach and she didn't know if she would be capable of hiding her disappointment.

“Oh, um, of course.” she said and took a seat across from her

“I wanted to ask how you were doing.” said McGonagall, looking slightly uncomfortable at having the conversation.

Hermione bit off her automatic answer of `fine'. “I'm doing as well as can be expected, Professor.”

“Thats good. Very good.”she paused then as if she didn't want to say what was to come next. “I have some information that may be difficult for you to hear.”

Hermione's first thought was that something had happened to Harry. There was a roar of blood in her ears and her hands were going numb. “Har...” she was able to stammer out.

“It is about Mister Malfoy.” McGonagall answered

At her words Hermione's world righted itself. “Malfoy?”

“The headmaster and I reviewed your memory again and did indeed see Mister Malfoy put a potion in Mister McLaggen's drink as well as provide him with the potion that affected you. However, it is Professor Dumbledore's opinion that we allow Mister Malfoy to remain a student at Hogwarts.”

She saw red. Surely McGonagall could not have just said what she thought she had said.

“How...why...?” she asked, unable to understand how anyone could allow this.

“The headmaster feels that it would be prudent to have Mister Malfoy where we can watch him in order to determine on who's orders he was operating under when he facilitated your assault.” she explained in a calm enough matter but Hermione thought she could hear a touch of edge to her voice.

Knowing that Draco Malfoy would continue to walk these halls shook her. She nodded dumbly at the professor.

“Well then...you should head back to your room now. But if you ever need to speak to someone my door is always open.” she said with what passed for a kind smile.

“Professor, if I may, when are the Weasley's and Harry arriving?” she hoped she hadn't sounded desperate.

“Their Floo is scheduled to arrive at two this afternoon.” and then she turned back to the work on her desk, effectively dismissing Hermione.

She still had three hours before Harry would be back.

Hermione took the shortest path back to Gryffindor Tower, her wand out and hidden in the folds of her robe. Mercifully she didn't run into anyone else on the way there.

Unpacking her trunk was something she could do without thinking now and being back in her dorm was comforting but she just couldn't get past the feeling that she needed to see Harry. She hated how needy it sounded in her head, but it wasn't that she was scared without him, she felt as though she wasn't herself without him. And in a way, this feeling was even more terrifying. Why was she feeling this for Harry? What exactly was she feeling? For once she didn't have all the answers.

There was nothing for her to do but wait. Grabbing a book she headed for the common room. No one else seemed to have arrived yet, for which she was thankful. She chose an arm chair tucked away in an alcove near the fireplace. Not many people could see her, but she had a good view of the majority of the room from where she was.

However, the small amount of sleep she had been getting, coupled with the warmth of the fire and she found herself dozing off. Within a few minutes she was completely asleep.

A hand on her knee and a gentle shake brought her back. She blinked slowly, thinking she was in her parent's living room for a moment until she registered the face in front of her; it was Ron.

“Ron!” she exclaimed and launched herself out of the chair. He stumbled back a couple of steps from the force but steadied himself and returned the hug.

It was so good to see a familiar face but she soon found herself searching the room for Harry.

As she slid back down to the ground she looked up at Ron, brow quizzical “Where's Harry?” she asked

“Hermione.” he said in mock hurt “You wound me.” pretending to be struck in the chest and staggering before plopping down in the chair she had just vacated.

“Ron Weasley!” she yelled, not in the mood for his games just then “You'd better tell me where he is right this instant or I'll...”

“Or you'll what?” he asked, eyes bright, enjoying playing with her. He made a funny face and then reached under his hip to bring out the book she had forgotten. He handed it to her and then settled back in the chair “Dumbledore wanted to see him as soon as we got in. He wasn't too pleased about it if you must know.”

“Oh.” she said, disappointment evident “Well, if the headmaster wanted to see him then...”

Ron looked at her strangely for a moment “How was your week?”

She sat down heavily on the ottoman and let out a sigh “Boring.”

His eyebrows shot to his hair. “Wow! I never thought I'd live to see the day where Hermione Granger was bored.”

She swatted at his knee “Well I was. And I also drove myself crazy thinking I was being watched.” she admitted distractedly

Ron leaned forward then, suddenly serious “What do you mean `being watched'?”

She was hesitant to say anything but knew she had already slipped up “I don't think it was really anything but...one day I was sure I heard someone apparate.” she saw him tense and hurried to explain “I didn't see anyone and nothing happened, so I think it was just me letting my imagination get the better.”

He was quiet for a moment “You need to tell Harry, he'll want to know.” and she nodded, planning on doing just that.

They were silent, he drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, her studying a pattern in the hearth rug. At the same time they both blurted out “We need to talk.”

They laughed nervously before Ron ran a shaky hand through his hair and started speaking. “I've been a complete git this year. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am.” she tried to cut him off but he put out a hand to stop her “I think...I think I thought I should like you.” he noticed her confused look and took a deep breath before trying again “I thought that because we were always hanging out together it would make sense if I liked you...like that.” he blushed furiously

“But it seemed like every time I tried something or said something it was wrong and I would feel stupid so I would just do more things that made me feel more stupid.” he stopped for a moment “And this year it just got worse. When Lavender liked me though...I liked how that felt and when I was with her it felt different than when I was with you. “ she gave him a smile and an encouraging nod “When you...when you were attacked I...” he hung his head down now, unable to look her in the eye “I almost killed him. I realized that how I felt for you was how I would feel if Ginny had been hurt. You're like another sister, thats why we fight so much. And all of that other stuff...none of it mattered anymore”

She looked at him with damp eyes and couldn't help from hugging him. “You're a good man Ron Weasley.” she said with a sniff as she sat back down. “But you don't get to take all the blame here. There was a time where I thought I could feel that for you, but I think I realized the same thing...that it wasn't a romantic love I felt but a familial one. When you and Lavender got together I was mad because I thought you were using her to make me jealous. Thats why....thats why I asked...”she stopped, his name sticking in her throat “Thats why I asked McLaggen out. I did it to hurt you.” her voice catching, she brought up a hand to cover her mouth. “If I hadn't been so proud then...this wouldn't have happened.” she shut her eyes as the tears she couldn't keep at bay began to leak out.

Ron's hands shot out and grasped hers. “Hey! You listen to me. This was no one's fault but Malfoy's. You got that!”

She nodded half-heartedly. He tipped her chin up “No one's fault. Not yours, not mine and not Harry's. Ok? Malfoy's. We've all made mistakes, but this wasn't one of them.”

She knew he was right, but it was hard to let go of the guilt. “Okay.” she agreed.

“So what did happen with Lavender then?”

“Oh, well, I think I figured out that I liked the idea of her liking me more than actually being with her. Didn't seem fair to let her believe otherwise.” he said with a shrug.

“That was very noble of you.”

“Well, I am in Gryffindor for a reason.” he said with a grin.

More people had been arriving as they talked although no one had disturbed them. With her back to the entrance she didn't have a good view anyways. Ron's attention was caught by something however, and she turned her head to look. It was Harry.

He saw her at the same time and dropped his trunk, she spun from the ottoman and raced towards him, throwing her arms around his neck. “Harry!” she breathed, burying

her face in his neck to hide the few tears that had overcome her. She felt whole again.

This. This is what she had missed. She had been off all week. Not quite right and now she knew why. She needed him. She needed him badly. Everywhere they touched felt as if it had twice the nerve endings it should. A shot of electricity wrapped around her heart and spread low in her stomach.

He didn't say anything, just held her tight. “I missed you.” she whispered into his neck, much like she had when they had parted the week before. He ducked his mouth close to her ear and repeated her sentiment.

What was this? What were they doing? She had never considered Harry in this way before. Never considered him as anything other than her best friend. But she couldn't deny what she felt and she couldn't deny how he was acting with her as well.

She didn't know how long they stayed that way, eventually, Ron interrupted them “Uh, guys, people are starting to stare.”

Reluctantly she released the hold she had on his neck and lowered herself to the ground, sliding a hand down his arm as she did and grasping his hand. She had missed him too much.

Ron had been correct, the common room was almost full now and several people were looking at them with grins or talking behind their hands. She blushed, knowing what their display had looked like.

“Let me go put my trunk away and I'll be right back.” Harry said, squeezing her hand.

She let go reluctantly “Of course. I'll wait here and then we can go eat.”

Ron followed him up the stairs and she was left alone, feeling the eyes of her fellow Gryffindors. She put on her best `Prefect' glare and cast a look about the room. The only ones not to back down were her room mates. Parvati and Lavender made a bee-line for her.

“Is it true?” Parvati asked excitedly

“Did you really?” Lavender added

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Hermione replied, wishing the boys would be back soon

“We heard that you and McLaggen hooked up after the Christmas party.” Parvati's words were like a punch in the gut. She felt the breath woosh out of her and spots danced before her eyes.

“Wha....how....”she stammered but the girls didn't stop, believing her reaction to be one of embarrassment, not shock.

“How was it?” Lavender said with a giggle and Hermione felt the bile rise in the back of her throat.

All of a sudden her vision was filled with red hair and Ginny Weasley stood in front of her looking so much like her mother it was eerie.

“How dare you!” she screeched as quietly as possible. “You stupid bints! You know nothing! Nothing! You should keep your stupid mouths shut! How could you think Hermione would do something like that! Lavender you were there when Harry told us what happened!” and then she finished it off with a classic Molly Weasley line “You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

Ginny grabbed Hermione by the elbow and guided her back over to the corner she and Ron had occupied before.

She sunk into the chair, eyes blurred with tears trying to wrap her head around what had just happened.

“Don't listen to them Hermione.” Ginny said angrily “They don't know what they're talking about.”

“Are people...is that what people think...” she asked breathlessly “Do people think that I...oh my gods.” she gasped and put a hand over her mouth so she wouldn't be sick.

Ginny rubbed a hand up and down her arm “They're fools.” she said

“But thats what people think. They think that I let him...”

Ginny didn't have a chance to respond.

“What happened?” boomed Harry's voice from across the room. He hurried up to them and was kneeling at her side before she could blink.

“You know how the rumor mill works at Hogwarts.” Ginny said scathingly “Parvarti and Lavender were `misinformed'. I was happy to correct them.”

“Thanks Gin.” Harry said, Ron now standing behind him effectively blocking her off from everything else around them. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Sure. I think I need to speak with my house mates again.” she said with a glint in her eye before turning to leave.

But the longer Hermione had sat there, the more angry she became. Her tears of hurt had become tears of fury.

Harry laid a comforting hand on her knee. “Hey, don't listen to them.”

She wiped her face angrily “Why not? Why not listen to them? It's what everyone's saying. That I'm some sort of...of...”

“Stop.” he commanded “You know the truth, thats all that matters.”

“I know that, Harry.” she said bitingly, “But you have no idea what it feels like. To have that happen to you and then have people you consider friends believe such horrid things!” she was shaking now

“Actually, I think I have a pretty good idea of how it feels to have people talk behind your back about things they know nothing about.”

His words stopped her. He was right. He was so absolutely right. She felt foolish.

“Oh Harry.” she said, deflated

“Don't.” he said, squeezing her knee “I don't want you to feel bad, but I've had a lot of experience with this. People are going to believe what they want to believe. All you can do is speak the truth, if they chose not to believe it thats their problem.”

“Like the Ministry.” she said with a slightly sly smile

“Exactly like the Ministry.”

They exchanged grins and she felt that funny feeling in her stomach again. She wondered if he did as well.

Soon though his face turned serious. “There's something you need to know, and I don't think you're going to like it.”

“If it's the same thing that McGonagall told me when I arrived then you're correct.”

He gave her a strange look. “What did McGonagall tell you?”

“She told me that the headmaster had decided to allow Malfoy to stay at Hogwarts.”

“WHAT?!” bellowed Ron, who had been quiet until now.

“They're going to let that ferrety bastard stay after what he did! Has the old man completely lost it?!” Ron was so incensed he was spitting.

“Calm down.” Harry said “They want to keep an eye on him, see who he's working for. I talked to Dumbledore about what I overheard and although he doesn't seem to share my concern he did agree that Malfoy is acting suspiciously.” he said, although his tone suggested he wasn't pleased with this reaction.

Ron was still steaming but he gave Harry a short nod to let him know he understood why things were the way they were.

“How do you feel about this?” Harry asked Hermione, concern evident in his voice.

“I don't like it. Having Malfoy here makes me nervous and its just not right but I understand why they want to, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm being used as bait.”

Harry's eyes darkened “Trust me. I don't like it either.” he said, his voice low and dark.

“So, what do we do?”

He raked a hand through his hair “I think we act as if Malfoy doesn't exist but do our best to keep an eye on him as well. Whatever he's up to he isn't finished.”

“You can say that again.” Ron said

“But you aren't going to be left alone.” she opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off with a look.

“No. Listen. We have no idea what he's up to. We have no idea who he's working for. But we do know how far he's already gone and it was too far. We're not taking that risk again. I think as long as you're with one of us or even Ginny you'll be fine. Safety in numbers.”

She was starting to get angry again “I told you, Harry, you can't coddle me anymore. I can take care of myself.”

“This isn't about you. This is about Malfoy. I know you're strong. Merlin knows you could hex me and Ron into next week if you wanted to but Malfoy has already demonstrated that he isn't playing by any rules. I don't want to give him the opportunity to try again.”

She knew he was right but it was so hard to accept.

“We already have most of the same classes and spend the majority of our free time together, you'll barely notice.” he said with a smile, trying to make her feel better about the arrangement. “Besides, you get to spend more time with me, that's not a bad thing, is it?”

“No. Not at all.” shocking herself when the words came out low and heavy. An electric charge seemed to pass between them and she saw a slight flush creep up Harry's neck. Ron gave her a strange look as well.

Harry coughed nervously, “Food?” she nodded, not trusting her voice right then.

The walk to the Great Hall was interesting. Harry and Ron, whether purposely or not, flanked her, sometimes walking so close they bumped her shoulders with their arms. By the time they reached the main hallway she was annoyed.

She stopped dead in her tracks and took pleasure as they continued on a few steps before realizing she wasn't with them. Arms crossed she glared as they turned and came back to her.

“What's wrong?” Ron asked, not picking up on her body language

“`What's wrong?' Really? You two can't do this! I think I can walk down the halls of Hogwarts without you two playing Auror!” they both had the good sense to look sheepish “I agreed to have you walk me to classes and such but this is too much! Can't we just walk to the Great Hall like normal?”

Harry was quiet for a moment and she could tell he was fighting with himself. He sighed resignedly “You're right. We're just worried about you.”

“And I appreciate the sentiment. But you have to give me some space.” she said, reaching a hand up to his cheek, intending to give him a friendly, playful pat but her hand ended up lingering instead.

She jerked her hand back and dropped her head so that her hair would hide her flushing face.

“Can we go then? I'm starving.” Ron said, saving her from further embarrassment.

When they walked through the massive doors she swore that every head turned in their direction. Walking quickly to the Gryffindor table she sat down at their normal spot, Harry next to her and Ron across.

She chanced a glance around and didn't see Malfoy at the Slytherin table, she relaxed somewhat.

As they ate they caught up on the past week. Ron kept shooting her pointed looks and she finally told Harry about the apparition she may or may not have heard.

His eyes locked on her and she couldn't have looked away if she had tried. The intensity she saw was a bit overwhelming. “I'll send a message to Remus, maybe he's heard something.”

From the sound of it Harry had been just as bored as she had been. They had both finished their homework and Hermione promised them she'd look it over before it was due.

No one else bothered them the rest of the meal and she was feeling better when they decided to leave. On their way out she stopped by the Ravenclaw table to speak to Luna. The boys were walking ahead and hadn't seen her stop when a voice came from behind her that sent a spiral of fear through her.

“How was your holiday, Granger?” came Malfoy's sneering voice “I heard you had a `bang-up' time at Slughorn's party.”

She froze. But she knew she couldn't let him see her fear. As she turned she saw Harry and Ron out the corner of her eye rushing to her. She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders “I had a perfectly lovely time Draco, thank you so much for asking.” and spun so fast her hair almost struck him in the face.

Harry and Ron were right in front of her. Harry had his wand out and looked as if he could kill Malfoy with a look. They were enraged. She grabbed them by their arms and kept walking. “Let's go.” she said, voice wobbling. She was starting to shake and wanted to get out of there. They fought her though, and she tugged again “Please.” she said, begging them to just get out of there.

This they responded to. Ron's jaw was clenched tightly and Harry fairly hummed with anger.

They finally turned and began to walk with her, Harry's arm came down to wrap around her waist and she was grateful for his support, her knees felt like jelly. As soon as they were out of the room he guided they to the main doors of the castle and into the cold night air.

She was practically falling as they reached the steps and was grateful to feel their solid support under her as Harry helped her sit. He sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him as she tried to control her breathing.

Ron stood next to them, arms crossed and stony faced “What did he say to you?”

She took a deep breath “He's just trying to shake me.”

“What did he say?” He asked again.

Harry rubbed her shoulder comfortingly and pulled her hair away from her face “Please `Mione.”

“He asked how my holiday had been and said he had heard I'd had a `bang-up' time at the party.”

Harry cursed viciously.

“Well, you were brilliant.” Ron said admiringly “You should have seen the bloody ferret's face.”

She smiled at that, feeling better but still reeling from all the changes in emotion she'd had during the day. She felt exhausted, her poor sleeping was definitely catching up with her.

Harry pulled her to him one more time and then moved to get up. “Come on.” he said, holding a hand out to help her stand “Lets head back and I'll tell you what Dumbledore and I talked about.”

They walked quietly back to the common room having no other interruptions along the way.

When they entered, Parvarti and Lavender had been hanging out in front of the fireplace with Dean and Seamus but they scattered immediately.

The trio took advantage of them vacating by claiming the spot. Hermione curled up in the corner of the couch while Ron folded himself into the chair. Harry chose to sit next to her feet and leaned forward so they could both hear him.

“Dumbledore didn't have much time today, but he filled me in on what he could.” he began “He's spoken to Slughorn, he felt that the potion that was used on Hermione was a fairly simple paralyzing potion, one often used by healers to keep their patients from moving too much and hurting themselves. But he said that it shouldn't have knocked her out, so it seems as if it had been altered. But Slughorn has never heard of a potion that would have the same affects as the imperious curse. That would take a highly skilled potion maker and would have to be extremely specific because you'd have to be able to focus the potion to a certain behavior.”

When he was finished there was nothing but silence.

“A highly skilled potion maker like Snape?” Ron said tightly

“Thats exactly what I said but Dumbledore still believes he's only working for the Order.” Harry sounded frustrated. “It's possible that Voldemort has someone else capable of creating such a potion.”

“Possible but not likely.” she said “Did Dumbledore have any idea as to why Malfoy would have had this potion and why he would use it against me?”

“None that he would talk about. But Malfoy does know we're....close. Maybe he just figured it would be easier to target you than Ron.”

“I suppose.” she said, biting her lip

Ron let out a huge yawn that he didn't even try to suppress. “I'm beat. I'll see you two in the morning.”

“Good night.” she said distractedly, still considering everything Harry had told her. “Did Dumbledore say anything else?”

“No. But he wants to meet in a couple of days to show me another memory.”

She let her head fall back, eyes slipping shut. Thee was so much to process.

“You've been having the dreams.” he said, it wasn't a question.

“Yes.” she answered, not even bothering to try and hide it from him.

“Every night?”

“Almost.”

She picked her head up then and looked at him. He looked weary. “You've been having dreams too, haven't you?”

He looked surprised, clearly he thought he had been hiding it better. “Yeah, nothing from Voldemort.” he assured her “The fight from last year though and...finding you. I've had that one a lot.”

She scooted closer to him and gave him a one armed hug, which he returned. As they relaxed she laid her head in the hollow of his shoulder, wondering if she was pushing too far but he didn't seem to mind. In face he dropped his arm down to wrap around her and gave her a squeeze.

The connection they had always had was special, she had felt that the first day they met but this...what had been happening recently, it was a different type of connection. She was gathering the courage to ask him about it, to finally address what had been going on but when she looked at his face his eyes were drooping and she used that as an excuse to chicken out.

She settled in closer to him and let out a contented sigh. She'd just lay here for a little bit, she told herself and promptly fell into a most welcomed dreamless sleep.

11. Stirrings

Author's Note:

You're all awesome!! Thanks again for sticking with me and leaving such fantastic reviews.

This chapter takes place during HBP chapters 17,18, and 19 `A Sluggish Memory' `Birthday Surprises' and `Elf Tales'.

I had a bit of an issue to deal with in this chapter as the book skips ahead about two months in canon. That wasn't something I wanted to, nor could do. I can't be showing these day to day changes in H and Hr's relationship and then jump months and leave them where they were. That wasn't going to work. So I've decided that my story is going to have to follow canon events but not a month by month timeline. It's just simply not possible. I may be able to skip a week or two but not months. So hopefully you'll give me some leeway if I make reference to something that in canon happened in April and I'm saying it happened in February.

This chapter is told from Harry's POV. I've realized I've been trading off between Harry and Hermione chapter by chapter. This is not intentional, it's just worked that way so don't be surprise if in the future there are two Hermione chapters in a row or you get both POVs in one, etc.

Oh, and there are quite a few little moments in this one. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I'm just borrowing them.

He hadn't realized how much being away from her had affected him until he saw her again. Dumbledore had delayed him after they had taken the floo from the Weasley's and he had to wait even longer. Walking into the common room he hadn't seen her at first but when he did he felt something slide into place. And then she was in his arms and nothing else mattered. His world narrowed down to just the two of them and it was like the week apart had never happened.

As they sat on the couch in the common room later that evening she had curled up next to him and he couldn't deny that having her there with him like that was nice- very, very nice. Hermione had always been demonstrative with her affection. In fact he was quite sure she was the first person to hug him since his parents had died. But because physical affection was something that he had gone without for so long it wasn't typically something he sought.

The night she was attacked however, had changed that as well. He didn't even realize at first how much they had been touching; anything that helped her, that made her feel better was all that mattered. It didn't feel awkward, he did it without thinking...and he hadn't stopped.

However, what that meant for them...he didn't know. What he had felt for Cho last year didn't seem to be the same. Cho was beautiful but he didn't really know her. He knew Hermione. He also knew they should probably talk about what was going on, but that scared him, what if he was wrong and she didn't feel the same? What would that do to their friendship? He couldn't risk losing her.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep on the couch with her in his arms but he hadn't been getting very good sleep while at the Burrow and he was very comfortable in front of the fire with her slight weight on his chest. Before he knew it his eyes were slipping shut.

He didn't know what had caused him to wake up but he was grateful for it. A clock said it was well past three in the morning. He looked down and saw that she was still sleeping peacefully. He hated to wake her but he knew they had to go back to their rooms.

He reached a hand up intending to shake her shoulder but, as if by its own volition, his hand went to her cheek instead. He traced a finger along her jaw line, amazed at how smooth it was. There was a voice in his head telling him he shouldn't be doing this, but he wasn't listening. As he ran the back of his knuckles over her cheek again she moved her head slightly and wrinkled her nose, before letting out a soft sigh “That's nice.” he heard her say quietly and his heart flipped.

He did shake her this time, “Hermione....you have to wake up.” he said gently

She blinked slowly and rubbed her eyes before fully focusing on him. “Hey.” she said

“We fell asleep.” he said, unnecessarily “It's after three.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed and started to sit up, pulling her hair into a temporary pony tail and giving him a shy smile “Guess I was more tired than I thought. Sorry.”

“It's ok. I didn't mind.” he replied, his voice far more huskier than he intended it to be.

Her eyes went wide and they stared at each other for a long while before she leaned in towards him. Before his brain could process the action she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Goodnight, Harry.” she said and then she was gone, leaving him sitting alone and confused.

He walked to his dorm without really seeing and fell to the bed still fully dressed. He thought sleep would allude him the rest of the night but it didn't and he was asleep almost immediately.

He woke up later than he intended to the next morning and rushed to get dressed and grab his bag before bolting down the stairs. Ron's bed was empty and he hoped that if Hermione wasn't in the common room she had at least let Ron walk her to breakfast.

They were both part of the crowd around the notice board and he walked up behind them. “What's this about?” he asked, seeing Hermione jump a bit

“It's the sign up sheet for Apparition lessons.” she said, taking the quill from the person in front of her and adding her name. “It'll be nice to be able to apparate. Could come in handy.”

Harry signed his name as well and they headed for the door. “Well, maybe it'll feel different when you're doing it yourself. I didn't quite like the side-along with Dumbledore.”

“That's right.” said Ron “I'd forgotten you'd already apparated.”

Breakfast went well. Parvarti and Lavender stayed far away, mostly due to the chilly looks Ginny kept sending them. The talk among the sixth years was about the apparition lessons and the talk continued as they headed to Charms.

Dumbledore had sent him a note at breakfast to meet him after his first class. He watched as Ron and Hermione headed towards her Ancient Runes class, feeling slightly guilty that he wasn't joining them.

Harry was glad that Dumbledore didn't bring up anything they had discussed in their last meeting. He still wasn't pleased with the fact that Malfoy was being allowed to stay at the school and that he had no other reason to believe Snape wasn't going to kill them all other than Dumbledore's word.

The headmaster began to tell him of Riddle's early days at Hogwarts and he couldn't help but draw parallels between his own life and that of the dark wizard. There were two memories Dumbledore wanted to show him, both he said had been difficult to obtain and Harry felt obligated to watch.

Dumbledore retrieved the pensieve from the cabinet and the bottle with the memory. When Harry approached the bowl he hesitated for a moment. The last time he used a pensieve he was viewing the horrible memory of Hermione's attack.

The first memory was of Riddle visiting Morfin at the Marvolo home. The second was the most important, according to Dumbledore. It was a memory of Slughorn's, but one that had been tampered with. The headmaster informed him that it was his responsibility to get Professor Slughorn to tell him the true memory and discover why Voldemort was interested in horcruxes, whatever they were.

He was able to catch up to Ron and Hermione at lunch. He exchanged a look with Ron over Hermione's head, silently asking if there had been any problems, he nodded that everything was fine. Lunch was quick and they exited before there could be another meeting with a Slytherin.

Later that evening they once again occupied the space in front of the fire. Hermione was checking over their homework as she had promised and Ron and Harry had moved the chess board over to the table there while she worked.

When enough of the other students had gone to bed and Hermione had run out of ink correcting Ron's essays he began to tell them about the memories.

Hermione looked just as perplexed as he did about the word `horcrux', he was hoping it was some obscure term only she remembered reading somewhere but she was as lost as he was.

Ron was certain that Slughorn would give Harry the information he needed “He loves you. He'd tell you anything.” but Harry wasn't so sure.

The only reason Slughorn liked Harry was because of who he was and his sudden proficiency in Potions thanks to the book.

The book had been a bone of contention between he and Hermione since the beginning of the year. He wondered if he should just buy a new one or continue using the one belonging to the Half-Blood Prince. “Er, Hermione.” he began nervously “You can...you can take a look at my potions book if you'd like.”

She couldn't hide her look of surprise “Um, well, sure, I'd like to.”

`So things were still weird about the book', he thought. He ran to his room quickly and grabbed it, might as well let her have it now and get it over with.

She gave him a small smile when he dropped it in her hands and then her attention was wholly on the book. She worked on it steadily for half a hour while he and Ron resumed their game.

Dropping the book on the table with a resounding `thwack' she gave up. She glared at the book and let out an exasperated sigh. “I can't find anything wrong with it.” she said “There are no charms, no curses and it doesn't seem to be possessed.” she paused and worried her lip.

`That was rather endearing', Harry thought and then caught himself. Where had that come from?

“While the...additions are rather bold and borderline dangerous...well....I can't deny that they aren't effective. Nothing that has been written is necessarily wrong....it's just not the proper way.” she seemed perturbed to even have to admit this. He knew how important it was to her to do things the way they were supposed to be done.

“I won't use it anymore if you don't want me to.” Harry said sincerely, ignoring the astonished look Ron gave him.

Hermione flushed and bowed her head. “No. I wouldn't ask you to do that.” she said and looked him in the eye. “You keep doing what you're doing. And I'll do things my way. Besides, if you stopped now Slughorn would become suspicious and may not like you as much and you need him to get that memory.”

“Thanks, `Mione.” he said and gave her hand a squeeze of gratitude. It meant a lot to him that she gave him her blessing- so to speak.

“I think I'm going to head to bed, you boys enjoy your game.” she said, “Oh, and I'll get started on researching the horcruxes tomorrow.”

They both bade her goodnight, following not too long afterwards.

Potions was their first class the next morning and he was nervous to see if Hermione's new attitude towards him using the book would hold out in an actual class.

Slughorn's assignment seemed practically impossible. Develop an antidote for a potion they didn't know anything about. Out the corner of his eye he swore he saw Hermione give a little smirk. She knew there wasn't anything in the book that could help him with this.

The class period flew by and with only a few minutes left and zero progress on his antidote he was about to give up. Flipping through the pages one more time he saw a page with a long list of antidotes and written across them were the words `Just shove a bezoar down their throats'

`A bezoar?' The word was familiar, he remembered Snape talking about it in their very first potions lesson. Harry scrambled for the wall of ingredients and searched until he found the small grayish looking stone.

Hermione was giving him looks, she could clearly see that he had nothing in front of him. But when Slughorn stopped in front of him he merely opened his hand and showed the stone. The potions master was over the moon with his ingenuity. Hermione just rolled her eyes.

After class she and Ron headed back while he tried to speak to the professor. However, as soon as the topic of horcruxes was broached, Slughorn shut down and all but kicked Harry out of the room.

The next two weeks went by quickly. They fell into a fairly normal pattern. Harry and Ron walked with Hermione to every class except for her Arithmancy class. It was on the other side of the castle and they had a class at the same time as well. Harry had tried to figure a way so that she wouldn't be alone but nothing would work. As it was he would rush her direction and meet her halfway back most days. It was the best he could do. Ron's grades were getting better thanks to Hermione's help and they spent most evenings in front of the fire. Unfortunately she wasn't getting anywhere with the horcruxes. Nothing was to be found on them in the library and she was getting frustrated.

One night she was up late, pouring over yet another huge tome. Ron had already gone to bed and Harry was on his way when he stopped, he couldn't leave her there doing his work for him.

“Need any help?” he asked

She shook her head distractedly, not looking up from the book. “Hey. Why don't you stop for the night?” he said, noticing the dark circles under her eyes.

“What?” she said, finally looking up.

He reached over and took the book from her lap, ignoring her protests. “You're done. Get a good nights sleep for once.”

She looked like she was going to fight, but decided not to. “That sounds like a good idea.”

They both stood at the same time and she lost her balance. His hands shot out to catch her. One hand grabbed her waist, his thumb covering her hip bone, while the other was splayed across her lower back. He didn't let go. She had clutched his upper arms as well and they were flush against each other.

He'd been avoiding touching her. It had been more difficult than he had thought and there were several times he caught himself in mid-reach. But there were still plenty of times when he found himself doing it anyways. This was the closest they had been in over a week.

He looked down and saw something dangerous in her eyes. There was a flush on her neck and if the thudding in his ears was any indication, her heartbeat had to be going as fast as his.

Involuntarily, the thumb on her hip made a small motion and she gasped, her nails digging into his arms. Something passed through her and he felt it too.

She licked her lips and he groaned internally “Harry.” she breathed, and he was certain that no one had ever said his name like that before. “We have to....we have to talk. But I can't...not right now.”

It was like being doused with ice water. His arms fell away and she took a step back, a look of disappointment on her face. “Ok.” he mumbled, his brain still foggy with what had just transpired between them.

“Goodnight, Harry.” she said quietly and raised up on tiptoe to press a kiss to his cheek.

Things were definitely off the next couple of days between them. Even Ron noticed. Harry was doubly sure now to keep his hands to himself and that just meant that he was even more aware of how frequently he touched her.

Their first apparition lesson was soon upon them and that Saturday morning almost all of the sixth years were gathered in the Great Hall. The Ministry instructor introduced himself and was trying to explain what they were going to do when Malfoy got busted for talking by Professor McGonagall. When they were told to spread out he slid his eyes over to Ron and Hermione and surreptitiously glanced at Malfoy and his goons before making his way over to stand behind them.

Clearly Malfoy was up to something and Crabbe and Goyle were too stupid to understand his instructions. However, he wasn't able to hear everything they were whispering about.

The lesson went as well as could be expected. No one apparated but he seemed to have a better understanding of what it involved.

He filled Ron and Hermione in on what he had overheard, which hadn't been much other than Malfoy wanted Crabbe and Goyle to act as lookouts.

They were still not getting anywhere with the horcruxes and Slughorn hadn't completely warmed back up to Harry.

Ron was disappointed to learn that their first Hogsmeade weekend had been cancelled, it would have fallen on his birthday.

Harry had taken to following Malfoy on the Marauder's Map as much as possible but that proved difficult. On the morning of Ron's birthday he was digging through his trunk, looking for the map. He tossed several things out, landing haphazardly between his bed and Ron's.

Ron had sat on the floor to open his presents while Harry searched for Malfoy.

Distracted, he didn't notice when Ron grabbed a box of chocolates that had been thrown from Harry's trunk. He had eaten several of them before Harry was done with the map.

“Ready for breakfast, Ron?” but his friend didn't reply, he was starting out the window with a strange look on his face.

“Ron? Breakfast?” he repeated, not knowing anything to keep Ron Weasley from food.

His behavior continued to be strange. He was talking nonsense and then rambled about a `her'. To Harry's knowledge there hadn't been a `her' in Ron's life since Lavender.

And then to make matters more confusing Ron claimed he was in love with Romilda Vane. Harry wasn't even sure who the girl was but vaguely remembered Hermione warning him that she had been trying to sneak him a love potion. It only took a couple of seconds for everything to fall into place.

The chocolates had been in his trunk since before the Christmas break, they had shown up on his bed one day and he had just put them in his trunk and forgot about them.

“I love her.” Ron said in a dreamy voice.

“Of course you do.” Harry replied, knowing he needed to get Ron an antidote as soon as possible.

“Do you know her? Isn't she the most beautiful girl in all the world?”

“Absolutely. Why don't we go pay Professor Slughorn a visit.” he suggested, hoping that Ron wouldn't put up a fight.

“Will Romilda be there?” he said with such longing Harry had a hard time not laughing.

“I think she will be, Ron. Don't worry.”

Luckily it was early yet and he got them to the dorm and through the corridors without too many people seeing them. Halfway to Slughorn's office he remembered that they had accidentally left Hermione but there was nothing he could do until he got Ron sorted out.

Professor Slughorn was less than pleased to see the two of them at his door and it took everything Harry had to convince him to let them in and make the antidote. Soon enough though Ron was red-faced in shame and horror at what he had said.

Ron had collapsed into a nearby arm chair and the professor suggested a bit of a drink to bring his spirits up. He chose a bottle of mead he said he had intended to give to Dumbledore as a gift but had never quite managed to send. Slughorn poured three glasses and gave a toast to Ron's birthday. Ron didn't wait and threw the drink back in one gulp.

Harry nor Slughorn had taken a sip yet when Harry knew something was terribly wrong. The glass Ron had been holding fell to the ground and then Ron followed it. His eyes were open but they were glazed over, white foam was starting to come out of his mouth and he was shaking so hard his arms were flailing about.

“Ron!” Harry yelled and ran to Ron's side.

“Professor! Do something!” he cried, but Slughorn seemed to be at a complete loss.

Ron twitched some more and his skin was turning blue. Realizing that Slughorn was going to be of no help to them Harry leapt over a small side table and skidded to a stop in front of Slughorn's potion kit. He tore through the compartments, pushing aside bottles and jars and trying to block the sounds of Ron's breath rattling. Finally he found what he was looking for. A bezoar.

Grabbing the small stone he flew back to Ron, pried his mouth open and shoved the bezoar into his mouth. Ron gave a great shudder and then he was still. For a long moment Harry thought he might be dead. Then he noticed that the color was returning to his face and his breathing had evened out.

Harry sat back on his heels, heart pounding. Slughorn finally came to his senses and called for Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall.

On their way to the hospital wing Harry saw Neville in the hallway and asked him to run to Gryffindor Tower and find Ginny and Hermione and tell them what had happened.

Ron was resting in a bed already when the girls burst through the door. Ginny ran to her brother's side, sliding into the waiting chair. Hermione was pale and when she reached Harry she threw herself at him, sobbing.

He completely forgot about his self-imposed rule against touching. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in tight. Her hands clutched the back of his sweater and he could hear her saying something but couldn't understand a word.

She lifted her head, looking utterly miserable “Is he going to be alright? What happened? Neville just said he had been poisoned and that it looked bad.” and then she dissolved into tears once more.

“Shhhh.” he said, pulling her back to him and running a hand along the back of her hair. “It was poison in a glass of mead. But I was able to get a bezoar down his throat in time.” his voice shaking slightly

“Oh Harry!” she exclaimed and looked up at him, she laid a hand on his cheek and it took everything in him not to shut his eyes and lean into her. “You saved him! Was the poison that bad?”

He reached up and took her hand in his and brought it down between them “I thought he wasn't going to make it.” he admitted, avoiding her eyes.

She didn't say anything, just pulled him towards her and let him feel the fear he hadn't allowed himself to feel yet. He clutched her tight and buried his face in her neck, letting her comfort him. One of her hands came around the nape of his neck and began to slowly stroke the hair there. He felt a shudder go through him and knew she felt it too but she didn't stop.

They were interrupted by Madame Pomfrey declaring she needed room to work and they all had to get out. Reluctantly they obeyed and spent the better part of the day sitting outside the main doors to the hospital wing.

Ginny paced the corridor while Harry and Hermione shared a ledge in an alcove. He kept his arm wrapped around her shoulders, needing her as much as she needed him.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley arrived around lunch but swept right past them. Finally, later that evening they were allowed back in and took up a vigil around his bed. Harry stood behind Hermione where she sat in a chair looking sadly at Ron's sleeping form. “Madame Pomfrey said he'll have to stay a week and take daily doses of essence of rue...” He laid a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

The twins arrived a little bit later and as they brought them up to speed on what had happened they all ended up speculating on how the mead had come to be poisoned.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came back in and he immediately found himself being hugged tightly by Mrs. Weasley. She and Mr. Weasley thanked him profusely for saving Ron's life. Madame Pomfrey announced that there were too many visitors and Harry and Hermione got up to leave, letting Ron's family sit with him.

They walked back to the common room, forlorn and lost in thought. Hermione's hand was tightly clasped in his and he had no intention of letting it go.

Due to the late hour the common room was empty when they got in. Without speaking they both headed to the couch and sat together, much like they had done before. He kept an arm around her and trailed a hand up and down her arm. Recalling the last time they had sat like this he felt compelled to talk to her about what had been happening between them.

Somehow though she knew what he was about to do and lifted herself off his chest. Just as he opened his mouth her hand came forward and two fingers laid across his lips. Electricity surged between them. “Not right now.” she said in a low voice “Soon. But not right now.”

He nodded, hoping that soon would indeed be soon. Her hand lingered for a second longer and then she sunk back down to where she had been.

He awoke hours later to Ginny shaking them. She told them Ron was doing the same and then headed to bed, with only a slight smirk at how she had found them. Hermione kissed his cheek and followed her up.

The next few days were mostly filled either in class or in the hospital wing. Ron was awake, although he still slept a lot. Hermione kept on him to stay up to date on his class work which he half heartedly made an attempt at when he was told how worried she had been about him.

One afternoon Harry stopped by while Hermione was still in class and was surprised to find Luna perched on the end of the bed while Ron slept. She didn't say anything to Harry for the longest time and then suddenly hopped down and started to leave, saying “Things are much better, but you cannot become complacent.” over her shoulder as she did.

Mid-week, Harry realized they had a Quidditch game that Saturday and he was down a Keeper. Quidditch was the furthest thing from his mind at the time but he knew he couldn't back out.

He discussed the situation with Ginny and Ron that night in the hospital wing while Hermione looked over their essays. With Ron out and McLaggen gone from the school they had few options. Eventually they decided that Ginny had the most experience playing different positions and she would be moved to Keeper while Dean Thomas would be brought back as a Chaser. Harry wasn't thrilled with the plan but there wasn't enough time to hold trials and practice before the game.

The day of the game dawned cool and bright and Harry was actually looking forward to being able to play. Hermione walked down to the pitch with him and he watched as she climbed into the stands to sit with the other Gryffindors. Luna Lovegood of all people was the day's commentator and he had to admit that while a strange choice, she was certainly entertaining. The match started off well enough. Ginny wasn't as good as a Keeper as Ron, but she wasn't bad. Dean had played Chaser before, but Coote and Peakes seemed to be off and Harry found himself spending more time yelling at them instead of searching for the snitch.

Hufflepuff was only up by thirty, which, all things considered wasn't so bad. Harry had flown up high to get a better look at the entire pitch when he saw that his Beaters weren't paying attention to the game, instead they were in an argument with each other. Sighing in exasperation, he leaned forward on his Firebolt and streaked towards them. Harry was almost upon them when the Bludger came out of nowhere and Peakes took a blind swing at it, not bothering to see where it was going.

There was blinding pain, a flash of light and screams before he had the distinct sensation of falling a long, long way.

12. Crossings

Author's Note:

Sorry for the `cliffhanger', Harry getting knocked in the head with a Bludger is canon, didn't think it would be a surprise. :) Also, Harry getting hurt equals excellent opportunity for Hermione to be worried. I couldn't pass that up. I hope you'll be pleased with the outcome.

Author's note part 2 to follow the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I am merely borrowing them.

Since first year she had endured Quidditch matches for Harry's sake. She had grown to understand the game, had even grown to appreciate it, but if Harry hadn't been playing she wouldn't be going. She knew this game was going to be a challenge for the Gryffindor team. Ron was out, Ginny had moved to play a position she didn't have a lot of experience in and they had another back up to deal with. The best chance for a win would be Harry catching the snitch as quickly as possible.

She had stopped by to visit with Ron and then headed down to the pitch. She sat next to Neville and wrapped her jumper tight around her to warn off the wind blowing through the stands.

When the match began she was surprised to hear Luna Lovegood doing the commentating. She had never took Luna as a Quidditch buff but she seemed to be doing an admirable, if not distracted, job at announcing the game.

The game began a bit choppily for the Gryffindor's. Ginny was a decent Keeper, but even Hermione could tell Ron was much better. Harry seemed distracted, she didn't notice him flying around with the same intensity he normally did. The Chasers were doing well but the Beaters seemed off.

Hufflepuff had taken the lead but the game hadn't gotten away from the Gryffindor's yet. She saw Harry fly up high and then heard Luna say something about the Gryffindor Beaters fighting amongst themselves. She scanned the pitch and saw Coote and Peakes completely ignoring the game, involved in what seemed to be an intense argument. Harry must have spotted them as well because the next thing she knew he was laying flat against his broom, hurtling towards them. She felt her heart leap into her throat like it always did when Harry flew like this.

Just before Harry reached his Beaters she saw the Bludger heading for them, Peakes had seen it as well and swung his bat, not even bothering to see where it was headed.

In the space of a heartbeat she knew what was going to happen and there was nothing she could do. She had to watch as the Bludger struck Harry in the head.

“Harry!” she screamed, so loudly that her throat hurt. He was knocked clean off his broom and began to fall. Her heart seized and spots danced before her eyes. She screamed again as he fell. Coote and Peakes realized what had happened and managed to swoop down and catch Harry between them.

Her legs lost all feeling and if Neville hadn't caught her she was sure she would have collapsed. She watched, unable to move as the Beaters carefully lowered Harry to the ground.

Then, like a shot she was moving. Tears blurred her eyes and made it hard to see but she just kept moving. She shoved through other students, not even realizing she was saying “Move, get out of the way!” over and over again. When she reached the stairs she flew down them and then raced across the pitch where Madame Hooch and the rest of the Gryffindor team had gathered around him.

She pushed her way through and fell to her knees next to him. Once again she was sure she would pass out. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she couldn't see or hear anything around her. The Bludger had been so close when it hit it had tore a gash across his right temple. His glasses were gone and the scar stood out vividly against his pale skin. Blood trailed down his face. She clamped down on the gorge that threatened to rise and took a deep breath through her nose.

With a snap her senses came back to her. She ran her hands through his hair to get a better look at the injury, not noticing when they became slick with blood. Head wounds bled profusely, she remembered reading somewhere. As if at the end of a long tunnel she heard Madame Hooch yell for someone to fetch Madame Pomfrey.

A hand on her arm jolted her back and she realized it was Professor McGonagall. “Miss Granger, please get back so that we may transport Mister Potter to the hospital wing.”

“No!” she shouted, surprising everyone, especially herself. “He's had a head injury. No one's moving him until Madame Pomfrey gets here.” and with that her attention was back on Harry. She needed something to stop the bleeding.

She turned her head and saw Peakes to her left, the wind blew his Quidditch robe in her direction and without a thought she grabbed it and gave a vicious yank, tearing off a good size piece of fabric.

Hermione folded up her makeshift bandage and pressed it tightly to Harry's wound. She used her other hand to help stabilize his head along his jawline. Her thumb traced over his cheek softly while she bent over his prone form.

Now that she had done everything she could the fear hit her again and she began to shake. Her hair fell around them and for a moment it was just Harry and her. “Please don't leave me.” she said in a halting whisper, tears dripping off the end of her nose to land on his face. “Please, Harry. I care about you so much...I think...I think I might lo...” but she was cut off by a gentle tug on her shoulder.

She looked up to see Madame Pomfrey standing over her, wand out, performing a diagnostic spell. A moment later a blue light came from her wand and enveloped Harry. “Immobilization charm. You were right not to move him Miss Granger, he has damage to his vertebrae as well as a fractured skull. Moving him could have exacerbated the injury.”

Hermione sat back on her heels, bloodied Quidditch robe in her hand and watched as Harry was loaded onto a stretcher. Ginny was suddenly beside her, hand under her elbow pulling her up to follow.

They didn't speak all the way back to the castle. By the time they arrived her tears were gone and she didn't know if she was feeling anything.

Harry was put into the bed next to Ron who was asleep when they entered but woke up at the noise. “Whazzit?” he mumbled before realizing who his new neighbor was. “Harry?! What happened?” he exclaimed, looking worried “Did we win?”

Ginny crossed to her brother and smacked him upside the head. “Harry got hit in the head with a Bludger, you git!”

Hermione stood a few feet from the end of Harry's bed, arms wrapped around her middle, just watching. If anyone attempted to speak to her, she didn't hear them.

She waited silently as Madame Pomfrey cleaned up Harry's wound, healed his fracture and neck and wrapped a thick white bandage around his head.

On her way out, the healer touched Hermione on the shoulder “He'll be right as rain in a days time Miss Granger, no permanent damage done.”

She nodded her head once and then turned on her heel and left. She vaguely heard Ron's voice follow her down the hall, and Madame Pomfrey's commands for him to get back in bed.

At first she didn't know where she was going or why. Her feet were taking her somewhere though and soon she found herself at `their' tree by the lake. She sank limp against its strong trunk and just stared.

********************************************************

When Harry came to he could tell by the light outside the window it was late afternoon. Blinking blurry eyes, the hospital wing slowly came into focus and he saw Ron looking at him expectantly.

“Hey, mate, welcome back.” Ron said.

Harry's head felt heavy and when he reached up he found a thick bandage. “What happened?” he asked right before the memory of Peakes mishit Bludger came to him

“Bludger to the head.”

His head didn't fell that bad, just a bit foggy, but he had a nagging feeling that he was missing something.

Madame Pomfrey bustled in and saw that her patient was awake. “I'm going to name a bed after you Potter.”

“When can I go?” he asked

“You've had a cracked skull.” she said, as if this alone was an answer to his question. “You were lucky Miss Granger had the good sense to keep you still until I got there or things could have been much worse.”

“Hermione!” he exclaimed, realizing with a start what that nagging feeling had been about. “Where is she?”

Ron didn't want to meet his eyes. “She uh....she came in with you but...she left.”

“She left?!” he repeated, throwing the covers off and standing quickly.

“Mister Potter! Return to your bed at once!” the healer demanded

But Harry wasn't paying her any attention. “Where did she go? Did she say anything?”

“Don't know. I wasn't allowed to follow her.” Ron said, looking mutinous. “And she didn't say a thing after she came in, which was strange.”

Harry's mind was racing. Why would she have left? What had happened? He had to find her.

He reached up and tore the bandage from his head, not even wincing when it stuck on his healing wound. “Sorry, Madame Pomfrey, gotta go.” he said, and without looking back shot out of the hospital wing as fast as he could, the cape of his Quidditch robe whipping behind him.

`Where could she have gone' he thought. Where would she have gone, was the better question.

As he ran down the corridors he was inexplicably pulled to the main doors and soon found himself outside. The lake! They would go there often when things needed to be talked about or just mulled over.

He saw a few other students as he made his way down the grassy hill but no one tried to speak to him. Soon he was on a rise overlooking the lake. He looked hard at the tree he considered theirs and at first was disappointed, he didn't see her. He was about to turn around and check other places when there was a flash of color, mostly hidden by the large trunk. A few steps closer and he had a better view. It was Hermione and her gold and red striped scarf.

He hurried the last few yards and stood next to her but she didn't so much as twitch. Her gaze was held on the lake and if her eyes hadn't been opened he would have though her asleep.

“Hermione” he said softly “Hermione, are you all right?”

“Fine, Harry.” she replied, surprising him as she still hadn't looked his direction “Out of the hospital wing already?” she asked, her voice completely devoid of emotion.

“Yeah, I'm fine now.” he said confused, not understanding why she was acting like this. “Hermione, what's wrong?”

“Nothings wrong.” she said, clambering to her feet and making to walk around him

“Hey.” he said sharply and reached out to grab her arm, “Something is definitely wrong.”

She jerked her arm away and finally looked at him, pain and anger lashing out. “I told you. I'm fine. Now please, let me go.”

He wrapped his hand around her wrist, something was very very wrong.

She twisted and pulled and tried to get away but his grip was solid. For a fleeting moment he almost let her go, not wanting her to feel trapped, but he needed to know.

She glares at him with such fury his breath catches. “Tell me what's wrong. Did I do something?”

“You're not going to let me go until I tell you, are you?” she said venomously, her anger radiating off of her.

“Hermione, please. Tell me. I just...I just want to help you.” he was lost.

“Fine.” she bit off “You want to know? Then I'll tell you. You left me! Both of you left me!” she was trembling now “I stood in that hospital room and saw you two in beds, injured and I was alone. Since I became your friend I have never been alone, but in that moment I was. I can't do that again! I can't put myself out there like that, it's too hard!” she was openly sobbing now.

He had dropped her wrist in shock, never could he have imagined this.

“You mean everything to me. Everything! What am I supposed to do if you're gone?” she screamed. “Look at this! I have your blood on my hands!” she said, holding stained hands in front of his eyes.

He stood staring at her, numb, not processing what she was saying. How could she say those things? The more he thought, the angrier he got. He grabbed her hands and forced them down but refused to let go. “I've had your blood on me as well, Hermione and I didn't exactly enjoy it.” he threw back “So, you're just going to abandon me? I guess I'm used to it, everyone else in my life has at some point, even Ron.” he said bitterly, seeing her flinch. “But you never have. Never! You are the only constant in my life. I can't do this without you!” he roared, barely able to keep his emotions in check.

She seemed nonplussed by his outburst and her eyes still flashed dangerously “The prophecy says otherwise! And yes, maybe for once in my life since I met you I'm thinking of ME! Who else does? Who else cares? I'm just Hermione Granger-bookworm extraordinaire. Pull me out when you need some research done or a question answered but if not then put me back on the shelf to ignore!”

He saw red. He dropped her hands and grabbed her upper arms roughly “I care!” he yelled, seething “I care what happens to you! And I see you! You are kind and compassionate and frighteningly brilliant. You're logical and brave and the best friend I could have ever asked for. I don't deserve you, yet for some reason you stay. You've always stayed.” his voice had softened and he wouldn't have looked away from her eyes for anything.

Her breath was still ragged but some of the tension seemed to have gone out of her. “I can't lose you, Harry. It would be my undoing.” she turned her head away but he wasn't going to let her try and evade him. He brought his hand up to her chin and brought it back. “I didn't mean to say so much.”

“I'm glad you did. I'm so sorry you feel like I take you for granted. I'm rubbish at expressing my feelings.”

“I think you just did a pretty good job.” she said, her face flushing slightly

The hand moved from her chin to her jaw line, cupping her face. “You have to know how much you mean to me. I...I can't do this without you. I can't. And I'm not just talking about the prophecy.” her eyes met his and he saw a flare of something. Some distant part of him knew they were rapidly approaching the place that they had both been avoiding the past few months but he was helpless to stop it. He lowered his head so that their foreheads touched. “Please, Hermione, don't leave me.” he begged in a whisper and he felt her shudder.

For the first time since they had started he realized how close they were. Magic was cracking between them, or maybe it was electricity, he wasn't sure. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing but everything in him was screaming to do something.

“I could never leave you.” she said softly “I don't think I'm truly capable of...”

He cut her off by pressing his mouth to hers, desperate for her to understand how he felt for her in a way that words couldn't describe.

He felt her tense in shock and then with a sigh, relax into him.

Opening his eyes he saw her staring back at him. His mouth tingled and he wasn't sure he could feel his feet. A million thoughts raced through his head at once and he could see that she was doing the same. `What had he done?' Would this change everything?'

The longer they went without speaking the more worried he became, until she smiled and rose up on tiptoe and kissed him back. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her close. He could taste her tears and it was nothing like when he had kissed Cho. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think. All he knew was if this was the last kiss he ever had he could die happy.

She sank back down, her hands resting lightly on his arms and he had the odd thought that he didn't even remember her putting them there.

She gave him a shy smile and then her face crumpled and she threw herself around his neck. “Oh Harry! Forgive me! I didn't mean it. I was just scared and...”

Harry held her tight and ran a hand over her hair. “Shhh. It's okay. And you did mean it.” she pulled back to look at him and he brushed the tears from her cheek. “It's okay. You were right. And you were right to feel scared. I can't promise you I won't ever get hurt again but I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and not leave you alone.”

She gave him a damp smile and then swallowed hard. “Harry. What have we done?”

He dropped his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, there was no backing out of this now. “We did what I've wanted to do for months and have been too much of a bloody coward to follow through on.”

She gave out a little meep “Months?”

“When you were attacked, everything changed for me. I wanted to keep you safe and do anything I could to make sure nothing like that happened again. And I didn't want to do it because of our friendship.” he sighed deeply and tilted his head back, wondering if he was completely mucking this up. “Something clicked for me then and I realized I cared for you more than I thought I had. I wanted us to be more but I didn't want to risk losing what we had.”

The longer he talked the brighter her smile got and he thought that maybe, just maybe this would work out.

“I felt the same way. I kept wanting to talk to you but...I didn't know how you felt and if you just saw me as the same old Hermione...I couldn't lose you as my friend and I was willing to just have you as my friend if the alternative was losing you.” she said hurriedly

“You never considered there was another alternative? That I felt the same?” he asked with a small laugh.

“Not really.” she admitted. “You had never really seen me as anything other than your friend.”

“Well, thats not entirely true. I definitely noticed you at the Yule Ball. And according to Neville some part of me knew after you got hit at the Department of Mysteries.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him, obviously confused. “What are you talking about.”

“Neville said that when you went down I...he said I fell apart, that I wasn't even able to check to see if you still had a pulse.” he choked on this last part and she brought a hand up to stroke his cheek. “I don't remember a lot from then, but I do remember thinking that if you died it would be my fault and that when Neville told me you were alive...I've never felt relief like that before.” he leaned into the palm of her hand, enjoying the touch.

“I think I've always had feelings for you, ever since I was old enough to understand what they were, but I became very good at tramping them down and focusing only on our friendship. And I've been okay with that.” she said sincerely “I don't want you to think I've gone around miserable with unrequited love for years. I was comfortable. Content.”

“And how are you now?” he asked with a wicked grin.

“Depends on if we're really doing this or not.” she said seriously

“I'm in.” he answered, heart paused while he waited for her answer.

“Then in that case I am ecstatic!” she said with a wide smile and his heart resumed beating again.

“Thats very good to hear.” he said softly and leaned in to kiss her again. Her hand slipped into his hair and he had never felt anything so wonderful.

This kiss went on longer than the others and when he pulled back they were both a little out of breath.

“So.” she said “How are we going to do this?”

He looked at her confused for a moment, not understanding what she meant. “I mean telling people.”

He hadn't thought about that yet. But in that moment he knew the answer and as much as he didn't like it he didn't see another way. “Don't take this wrong...but I think we should keep it quiet. We'll tell Ron, of course. But other than him I think it would be safer if no one else knew.”

She nodded “I agree. I can't imagine what Malfoy or Voldemort would do if they knew.”

“You're already a target.” he said “I don't even want to think of what they would do if they knew...” he trailed off, unable to complete the thought.

“I understand. And it won't be that hard, we're already together all the time as it is.” she said “And you have been rather liberal with the touching as of late, so that won't raise any red flags.”

He flushed at her words, and that she had obviously noticed. “I'm just sorry it has to be this way. I don't want you to feel like I don't want people to know, it's not what you deserve.” he said and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“If it keeps us alive then I'll take what I can get.” she said with complete sincerity. “As long as you promise me some clandestine snogging sessions.”

He laughed at her sly grin “I think that can be arranged, Miss Granger.” and leaned down to nuzzle her neck.

She squealed as he hit a particularly sensitive area and he filed that knowledge away for later use.

Hermione lifted his head up and stared into his eyes. “Thank you.” she said and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him hard.

He pulled her tight. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For being my best friend.”

He just held her, wondering at everything that had happened in such a short amount of time. His head was reeling, but in a good way.

He stepped back and took her hands in his, noticing the staining from his blood. “Here, let me.” he said and pulled out his wand and motioning towards her hands for her to hold them out. “Scourgify” he said softly and they watched as her hands were clean again.

“I wish it was all that easy.” she said sadly and he gave her another quick hug.

“How about we head back? It's getting dark and I think I need to face the wrath of Madame Pomfrey.”

“What did you do?” she asked in a very Hermione tone.

“I...uh...may have left without her permission.”

“Harry!” she said in indignation “Come on. We're going right back there so she can make sure you're okay.”

He took her hand as she began to pull him back towards the castle. “Yes Hermione.” he said resignedly, happy to follow her wherever she wanted him to go.

The hospital wing was quiet when they slipped back in. Harry even had the audacity to get back into his bed as if nothing had happened. Hermione chastised him, but she was grinning.

She took up a chair between his bed and Ron's and sat, holding his hand as he lay on his side, waiting for Madame Pomfrey to come in and notice him.

Ron's snores filled the air but he didn't hear them. Hermione was fairly humming with joy and it was all he could do to not kiss her again right then. He was amazed he had gone all this time without kissing her.

Soon enough the healer arrived, and to her credit only did a slight back take as she saw her patient had returned. She didn't say a word, just ran her wand over him and with a disgruntled tone told him he was fine and could leave.

Ron woke up and it took him a moment to realize what was going on. “Harry! Hermione!” he exclaimed “What happened to you two?”

They both began to talk at once and he shared a smile with her before sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“Thats quite the story, mate.” he said, a wide smile splitting his face.

“Well someone had better start talking. Everyone else gets to run out of here and go Merlin knows where and I'm the one getting shoved back into bed and miss it all.” he said grumpily

“Sorry `bout that.” Harry said, chagrined. “Well, let's see, Hermione got awful tetchy with me, read me the riot act, kissed me and then agreed to be my secret girlfriend. Does that about cover it, luv?”

Hermione flushed and smacked him on the arm “Harry! A little discretion would be nice.”

Ron was staring at them mouth agape, clearly not expecting the news he had just been given.

“Wha..who...huh...you...and you...and....”He stuttered, unable to comprehend what he had just been told. “Did you just say that you're...girlfriend?”

Harry grinned, enjoying his friends discomfort. “You're okay with this, right?”

Ron just nodded numbly “I mean, I kinda saw this coming...but still, it's a bit of a shock.”

Hermione reached out and laid a hand on his arm “We have to ask you a huge favor though. We're going to keep this quiet. If Malfoy or Voldemort knew...”

Ron's eye's grew hard “Yeah, I get it. No worries. Won't be that hard, Harry can't seem to keep his hands off of you anyways.”

Now it was Harry's turn to look like a gasping fish while Hermione giggled at his embarrassment.

“Thanks, mate.” he said dryly.

He noticed Hermione stifling a yawn. “How about we head back?” he said to her “You'll be out tomorrow, right?” he asked Ron

“Thats what I've been told.” he replied, although he didn't sound as if he believed it.

They exchanged goodnights and then headed back for the common room, hands clasped.

When they reached Gryffindor tower they lingered, neither of them wanting to part. The slowly made their way to the stairs. On the landing she turned to him, his hands resting lightly on her hips. She raised a hand and ran her fingers through his hair, looking for his wound, when she found a slight trace she raised up and pressed a soft kiss to the area.

His eyes fell shut and for the first time in his life he wondered how he got so lucky.

Her lips moved to his and then before he could blink she slipped up the stairs to the girls dorm.

As he walked the opposite direction, he knew that as worried as he was about this, as new and scary as this change was it could only make him stronger, could only help him in his fight and now he was more determined than ever to see this to the end.

Author's Note 2:

Surprise! This development was totally not planned to be this early. I had intended to wait until the end of Year 6 for them to get together. But then I started writing this chapter and....BAM! It just wrote itself in here. I'm pleased with it. I think we've had enough build up and I really liked the idea of the fight turning into their admission. I also think them being together but it being a secret is going to add a fun element to the rest of the story. Hope you like it!

13. Author's Note

Author's Note:

First, let me apologize as this is NOT a new chapter.

In case you didn't know Portkey suffered a pretty major crash last week. The biggest problem they are having in restoring fics is with ones posted in the last 3-4 months. Because of that the chapters to this story were showing up as corrupted or gibberish or only partial chapters. Portkey has been working on fixing the problem and I was told to hold off on reloading chapters. I got the go ahead yesterday however, to reload.

All 12 chapters should now be back to normal. I urge you to go back and read chapter 12 as it was posted only a few hours before the crash and I'm not sure many people have read it. (and its kind of a big deal!)

Reviews still seem to be having problems as well, the review count is showing correctly but when I go to read them over 100 are missing. :(

If someone could give everything a read and leave a review letting me know its working correctly I'd appreciate it.

Chapter 13 is in the works. I took advantage of the last week and took a break from writing, but almost half of the next chapter is done now and the rest has been worked out so there should be a new chapter very soon.

Hope you enjoy chapter 12 and let me know if you're running into any problems!

14. Reclaim

Author's Note:

Things seem to be back to normal on Portkey, at least for the most part. If anyone is finding there are issues with how the story is reading or in leaving reviews please let me know.

I wanted to address a few things that have been coming up in some reviews, mostly regarding why Malfoy is still at the school and Dumbledore's seeming ineptitude. I'm following canon. Except for the pairings and things I add I'm following canon. I'm not looking to come up with a completely different Book 6 and Book 7, I'm trying to take what we were given and make it work as H/Hr. So, thats why Malfoy is still at the school and Dumbledore is being Dumbledore. And in this chapter especially you'll need to swallow that pill. Hope that answers some questions.

Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I am merely borrowing them.

The other girls were all sound asleep when she eased the door open. Walking quickly to her bed she changed as fast as possible and slid inside, closing the curtains around her. She felt as if she were about to fly apart, but in a very good way. Never. Ever. In her wildest imagination could she have predicted the day would have turned out like this.

That he felt the same...astonishing. She truly thought that he would never see her as anything other than a friend. She knew that things had been changing but she was very careful to put that towards his need to protect those around him; that it was a natural consequence of her attack.

This was more than she could have asked for. It just felt right. They fit. And now that he had admitted his feelings for her and she for him, to have to keep it quiet...it would be difficult. Leaving him on the stairs had been almost impossible.

They only had a few more months left in the school year though and then maybe things could be different. She fell asleep that night, unafraid to dream and remembering the thrill that had coursed through her as his lips had touched hers.

When she awoke the next morning she actually felt rested and she realized it was the first night since her attack that she had slept the entire night through.

Dressing in haste she was out of the dorm and down the stairs before the other girls were up. She sat at a table and pulled out her Transfiguration homework to review while she waited for Harry, but nervous anticipation made her unable to concentrate.

A hand skimmed across her back and she knew it was him before she looked up. “Good morning, Harry.” she said, her voice more shy than she had intended.

He looked as nervous as she felt and sat down quickly in the chair across from her. He gave a quick glance across the room and then reached a hand out to cover hers, stopping her from turning another page. “Good morning, `Mione.”

Her hand tingled where he held it and she had to give herself a good mental shake and remember that they were now them and this shouldn't be awkward.

She tried to pull her hand away but his grip was tight “I thought we were being discreet.” she said in a low hiss.

“No one's up yet, don't worry.” he reassured her, sounding much more sure of himself now.

She gave him a half smile and turned her hand over so their fingers could lace together.

A clatter of footsteps on the stairs caused both of them to jump and let go. He ran his hand through his hair and she hastily began to pack up her things but the group of third year boys didn't even look in their direction as they noisily exited the common room.

“Guess we'd better get going then.” he said, standing “Ron gets out today, right? Maybe Madame Pomfrey will spring him before breakfast.”

She finished packing her bag and they headed out the door together. She purposely kept the hand closest to him clamped tight around her schoolbag, knowing that if it was free she'd be much too tempted to touch him.

They were quiet as they walked towards the hospital wing, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence and she caught him reaching a hand towards her several times before he gave in and laid it along the small of her back. She swore she could feel him through several layers of fabric and her skin felt hot. She looked at him through her lashes and he shrugged his shoulders. “I've walked with you like this loads of times.” he said in explanation.

She gave him a coy smile “Not exactly like this.” and didn't hide her pleasure at seeing him flush.

When they entered the infirmary Ron was sitting on the side of his bed, fully dressed, head in hands and a rather dour expression on his face.

“What's wrong mate?” Harry asked, suppressing a grin.

“Pomfrey said I could go this morning but she hasn't come out of that office in over an hour and I'm tired of waiting.” he pouted.

“I'm sure she'll be out soon, Ron.” she said reassuringly.

Harry and Hermione dropped their bags to the floor and sat on the bed opposite Ron, fully intending on waiting until he could leave with them.

While they waited, Harry began to discuss the ongoing issue of trailing Malfoy. Using the Marauder's Map had been a less than satisfactory tool. Harry had been quiet, pondering something that he seemed hesitant to share.

“What is it?” she asked, covering his hand with hers. He gave her hand a squeeze. “Well, I've got this idea, but I'm not so sure you'll like it.”

She quirked a brow at him, curious. “Why don't you tell me what it is first.”

He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “I'm thinking...I think it would be helpful to have...to ask Dobby and Kreacher to follow him.” he said this quickly

His suggestion did shock her and her mouth opened automatically, a reprimand about to burst out but she stopped herself. The idea wasn't a terrible one, house elves were able to be anywhere and everywhere with little to no detection. She knew that Harry would never take advantage of Dobby's loyalty or Kreacher's tie to him.

“I think...I think it's a good idea.” she said slowly, loving how his eyes lit up at her approval.

“Really?” he said

“Really.” she confirmed, unable to draw her eyes from his. “It's quite brilliant really.”

His hand rose up and was about to touch her cheek when Ron let out a loud cough. But Harry's hand didn't drop, he just turned his head towards Ron “Do you mind?”

“Do I mind?!” Ron repeated indigently “You're the one who can't follow your own rules or did you not sit in that very spot just last night and tell me how important it was to keep this a secret.”

At this Harry's hand did drop and he even went as far as to move further away from her, which, although she knew she shouldn't take it personally, felt a twinge of hurt at his action.

“Sorry, you're right. I've got to be more careful.” Harry said and studied his shoes.

She wanted to reach out and give him support but didn't know how it would be received. An awkward silence stretched out amongst the trio and they were collectively relieved when Madame Pomfrey came bustling in.

“What are you still doing here Weasley? I thought I told you you were free to go.”

Ron's mouth flapped open and his face went red. Hermione couldn't help but giggle at the situation and the tension between them was over.

“Lets go. I'm starved.” Ron said, still fuming, and left them in his wake.

Harry's jaw was set and she could tell he was still a bit bothered by what had happened. As he went to follow Ron she grabbed his wrist. “Hey, are you okay?” she asked softly.

He looked down at her and gave her a half-smile. “Ron was right, I messed up.”

“Harry, if we can't be ourselves when its the three of us then when can we? We were in a private area with no one else around. Don't be so hard on yourself.” she implored.

He gave her a quick nod and let some of the tension go that he had been holding on to. Reaching out a hand he wrapped it around her waist and drew her to his side, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “You're right, as usual.”

She sighed into him, not realizing that she had just needed this simple connection. “Ready to go?” she asked, wishing they didn't have to.

He let his arm loosen but left his hand on the small of her back and she was grateful for the link to him even if it wasn't exactly what she wished it could be.

Breakfast was mostly uneventful, Ron was regaled and was enjoying the attention. It was more difficult that she thought it would be to pretend like Harry was nothing more than her friend and she thought once she caught Ginny looking at her suspiciously but when she looked back the younger girl wasn't paying her any attention.

They left the Great Hall and worked their way towards the Transfiguration classroom. For the first time in months she realized she felt no apprehension walking the halls of Hogwarts. A small smile graced her lips and Harry must have noticed. His fingers tightened ever so slightly in the fabric of her robes “What is it?” he asked

She smiled up at him “Nothing. I'm just happy.” and he returned her smile with one of his own. “I'm glad.” he whispered intimately and she felt a shiver run through her.

On the seventh floor hallway she saw a young girl, probably a second year intently studying a tapestry and holding a set of heavy brass scales. As they approached she noticed them and startled, dropping the scales in a loud clatter.

Hermione broke away from the boys and rushed forward. “It's alright, here, let me help you.” she said gently and picked the scales up for her.

The girl stared at her, wide-eyed but didn't say a word, just took the scales and scrambled off.

Hermione shared a confused look with Harry and Ron just shook his head. “I swear they get smaller every year.”

Right before they entered the classroom Luna Lovegood wandered up to them.

“Harry.” she called out “I have something for you.” She then proceeded to pull several random items out of her huge cloth bag and begin to deposit them in Ron's unsuspecting arms. When she pulled out what looked like a bag of cat litter and handed it to him he looked at Hermione with a shocked expression that screamed `What do I do?!' She had to turn her head to stifle a laugh at his expense.

Finally Luna found what she was looking for and handed Harry a very beat up bit of parchment. “Here you are. I tried looking for you in the hospital wing but you had already left.”

Not waiting for Harry to open the scroll she began to take everything back from Ron's arms until he was left with nothing but the bag of cat litter. “Goodbye.” she said with a little wave and started to leave.

Ron stared after her in confusion “Wait! You forgot your....whatever this is.” he called out.

Luna kept walking and didn't even bother to turn her head “It's for you, Ronald.” and then with a flash of golden hair she was around the corner and gone.

Ron looked between the bag and the hallway where Luna had been several times before turning back to Harry and Hermione. “She's barmy.” he said with a shake of his head.

Hermione grinned and then looked at Harry. “What's the note say?” she asked as he was unrolling it.

He studied it for a second before rolling it back up. “It's from Dumbledore. He wants to meet with me as soon as possible.”

“You should go then. We'll tell Professor McGonagall where you've gone.”

He shot her a grateful look and for a second she thought he might kiss her right there in the hallway but he stopped himself in time. “Thanks.” he said “I think I'll run by the kitchens after talking to Dumbledore and ask Dobby about following Malfoy.”

“Good idea.” she replied “I'll see you at lunch. Good luck with Dumbledore.”

There was a long second where they both realized they had no idea how to say goodbye to the other. Finally she rolled her eyes and reached down to give his hand a quick squeeze.

Ron shook his head in exasperation and walked into the classroom, still holding the bag from Luna.

“See you at lunch.” he repeated. “Be careful”

“Always.” she said “You too.” As she watched him walk away she couldn't help but admire the handsome young man he had turned into. She watched him all the way down the hallway and only scurried into the classroom at the last moment before Professor McGonagall was to begin teaching. Her face was flushed as she took her seat and Ron leaned over to whisper “You two are hopeless.” before she shushed him and pulled out her books.

Class went by quickly enough and she gave Ron a quick goodbye before that had to go in separate directions. There was a Ravenclaw sixth year who also took the class and they usually met up in the hallway on the way there. For once she was actually hoping for a class to be over with as soon as possible.

Of course, it was the longest Aritmancy class she had ever sat through. She tried to concentrate. She tried to take notes. But all she could think about was Harry's meeting with Dumbledore and meeting up with him again at lunch.

It wasn't until she was packing up that she remembered she had hoped to speak with the professor after class about a particular problem she had found in a later chapter. Knowing she couldn't continue with her advanced pace without having an answer she resignedly approached the front of the classroom.

Twenty minutes later she had her answer and understood the theory completely. The halls were deserted as no classes were in session at this hour. She had made it as far as the second turn of the hallway when she realized this was the first time she'd been alone in the castle since her attack.

A tremor of trepidation made itself known but she pushed it away and squared her shoulders. She couldn't allow herself to go down that path. Her heels clicked a steady tempo on the hard stone and she tried not to hurry her pace. She did pull her wand out of her bag and held it down by her side.

A noise from an empty classroom made her jump and she knew that regardless of what she told herself she was still nervous. Harry usually came to meet her after his class but he must still be with Dumbledore and Ron would have headed straight to the Great Hall for lunch.

One more turn and a staircase and she would be in an area of the castle where there were always people around. But just then a voice came from behind her and it sent a shockwave of fear through her. She froze.

“Well, well, well, if it isn't the mudblood all alone at last.”

It was the sneering, sadistic voice of Draco Malfoy.

She couldn't think, she couldn't breath. Her heart was beating so loud and so fast it was all she could hear and for just a moment her hands went so numb she almost dropped her wand.

“Potter hasn't let you out of his sight in months. I didn't think we'd have this...opportunity.”

She gulped hard and tried to gather her wits about her but all she could see was McLaggen hurting her and Malfoy's twisted smile.

“What do you say boys? I heard she had a lot of fun at Slughorn's party.” he laughed and it was so chilling she started to shake.

What was she going to do? She was alone. Again.

“Do you think she'd like to have a little more fun?” Malfoy asked “Crabbe? Goyle? Would you like to have some fun with the mudblood?”

His words struck her like a physical blow, she felt her knees turn to jelly and saw lights dance in front of her eyes. No. Not again. She couldn't survive that again.

She could hear him getting closer, could hear the disgusting and excited sounds his two goons were making. “Potter isn't here to save you now, is he mudblood? Here you are, completely defenseless with Saint Potter nowhere in sight.” he taunted, only a few feet from her now. “What do you think he'll do when he finds you this time?” he whispered, so close it moved her hair.

And with that, something inside her slid into place. Her fear vanished. Her senses rushed back to her and she tightened her grip on her wand. She was angry. No way in hell was he going to touch her. No way in hell was he going to hurt Harry again.

In one move she whirled on the spot. She grabbed her bag and threw it as hard as she could at Malfoy while firing off a stunning spell at Goyle.

Malfoy hadn't expected her to attack. Her bag caught him in the stomach and he stumbled backwards several steps. A detached part of her was thankful she had brought that extra book on mathematical theory, it added at least five pounds. Goyle was thrown fifteen feet and slammed into the far wall going limp. Crabbe just stood there, looking dumbfounded.

She didn't bother to stay and see what Malfoy's reaction would be, she bolted for the empty classroom she had just passed, needing to take cover.

She ran to the far back of the room and ducked behind an old wooden desk and cabinet that had been pushed aside. Her heavy robes were weighing her down and she took a second to undo the clasp and let them fall off her shoulders, her arms were free now.

She could just see through a crack in the desk and saw Malfoy burst into the room, wand out, enraged. She was pretty sure she could take him in a duel. A fair duel at least, but Malfoy didn't fight fair and she didn't know what horrid Death Eater curses he had been taught.

The one advantage she had was her proficiency at non-verbal spell casting. Even Harry wasn't as good as she was in that area and as they had so unfortunately learned at the Department of Mysteries, it was a very useful tool in battle.

A large mirror stood in a far corner and she shot another stunner directly at it, hoping it would ricochet and draw Malfoy's attention. It did, and as soon as his back was turned she hit him with a leg-locker curse. But before he could topple all the way over he cast the counter and shot a reducto in her direction.

The desk exploded in millions of jagged splinters and it was only because she had pushed herself backwards behind the cabinet that she wasn't seriously injured. As it was she could feel several areas of her arms and legs where the flying wood had sliced into her.

That answered her question then. Malfoy wasn't playing by the rules.

She threw up a shield and fired back a reducto of her own, seeing several student desks get blown out of the way. She knew she had to get out of the corner, he would have her trapped in the room if she didn't figured something out.

“Nice try mudblood, but you're not going to take me.” Malfoy shouted.

She didn't bother answering. Her attention needed to be focused on how she was going to get out of there and subdue Malfoy. She knew he knew where she was. One more blasting spell from him and she'd be done for. She thought frantically for anything that could work against him and then suddenly Crabbe made his way into the room and Malfoy turned his attention away.

She didn't wait. The other side of the dais had a low stone wall that ran the length of the room. If she could get there she'd have cover all the way back to the door-in theory at least.

Throwing herself over the wall wasn't that difficult, the landing however, was. Her left arm hit the unforgiving stone hard and the breath was temporarily knocked out of her. Malfoy was still yelling at Crabbe and hadn't yet noticed her change of location.

A quick protego and she shot a stunning spell at him, her aim a bit shaky and he was able to duck out of the way just in time. He also now knew that she had moved.

Malfoy fired back a reducto almost immediately, chunks of stone flew towards her and there was nowhere for her to go. A stone the size of a bludger hit her in the same arm she had landed on and she felt it go completely numb.

Staying low and close to the wall she made it a few more feet towards the door when she saw Crabbe come around the end of the wall and head towards her. She threw a hasty stunner at Malfoy and then stood to blast Crabbe the same as she had Goyle.

She didn't even wait to see him fall and pivoted in Malfoy's direction just in time to see him fire a strangely familiar purple curse at her. She threw herself down just as the curse passed over her head and she realized it was the same curse that Dolohov had hit her with at the Department of Mysteries last year. She still carried a scar from that night.

Breathing heavy and her left arm useless she didn't know how much longer she could hold out. The way they had been battling could last for hours and she knew she'd tire before then. The only thing she could think would be to engage him in a full on duel, relentless in attack and hope she came out on top.

Taking a deep breath and blowing a lock of hair out of her face she centered herself and then without warning stood and began firing every curse she could think of in rapid succession.

Malfoy caught on quick and began to retaliate with blindingly fast spell work. She was constantly recasting her shield in order to stay unharmed.

She didn't know how much time had past. They kept circling each other, no one gaining the upper hand for any significant period of time. She was getting weaker and could feel blood running down her leg from some wound she wasn't even aware of. Malfoy didn't look to good either, she was pleased to note.

He needed to slip up, but it didn't seem as if that was something that was going to happen soon.

“What's wrong Malfoy? Worried about being beat by a muggle-born?” she said with a smirk.

The fact that she had spoken had startled him. “Shut your mouth mudblood. You'll never beat me.”

She laughed haughtily “Is this your best? Surely Daddy Death Eater teaches you more advanced magic.”

He sneered at her “What my father teaches me is none of your concern.”

As long as they were talking she would have a chance to take him by surprise. “So, who made the potion for you? It wasn't Snape and I know it wasn't you, the potion had to be done by someone who had a modicum of talent in potions.” she goaded

He seemed surprised she knew about the potion. “Wouldn't you like to know. I'm very well connected.” he said in a superior tone.

“It was Auntie Bellatrix then?” she threw back knowingly and saw her opening as his wand lowered for a split second in surprise.

She stunned him immediately but he recovered in time to only take a glancing blow, he was still knocked off his feet and she turned to make a dash for the door. Crabbe's hulking form proved to be a costly obstacle and Malfoy's next spell threw her into the dark corner near the door.

Her vision blanked for a moment and she shook her head to clear the fog. As if looking down a long tunnel she could see the limping form of Malfoy making its way towards her. Wiping the blood from her mouth she pushed up from the cold stone floor and rose to her knees.

“Nepotism is a lovely thing, isn't it Draco.” she said to taunt him.

His eyes went wide in fury and she wondered if she had gone too far. But as she heard him begin to say the beginning of the cruciatas curse she took the opportunity and hit him straight in the chest.

He managed to get the curse off and it caught her off center. The pain was excruciating but not as bad as she remembered. Thankfully it didn't last long as Malfoy's form slumped to the ground.

Her breathing was ragged and she knew that if he were to get up again she wouldn't be able to fight him any longer.

Just then the doorway darkened and the massive shape of Goyle filled the frame. He took in the situation before him and she raised her wand in his direction. She was swaying on her knees and wasn't sure she could have even dueled him right then if he had challenged her. But he didn't pay her any attention and ran to Malfoy's side to help him out of the room.

She kept her wand trained on him as the exited. “This isn't over mudblood!” he ground out “You're dead, just like Potter!”

Crabbe was still passed out and she didn't relish the idea of being left in the same room as him. She staggered to her feet and almost fell. Gripping the wall tightly she made her way to the door before spots began to swim in front of her eyes. She fought to stay conscious but knew it was going to be a losing battle. As she slid down the frame she only hoped that Harry wouldn't find her, she knew how hard it would on him.

“Well! I'll say, what has this school come to! Students napping in the hallway!” came an affronted voice from across the hall.

She forced her eyes back open and looked up to see the weathered visage of a former headmaster peering at her with a look of disdain on his face from a normally empty portrait frame.

“Please.” she gasped out “Please get Dumbledore.” it was her only chance of getting help.

The former headmaster had the good sense to now see that she was injured and in a second had vanished from the frame.

A wave of relief overcame her and as her eyes slid shut again she knew she'd be found soon. Her thoughts grew fuzzy and she didn't put up a fight as the blackness took her.

********************************************

Harry tried to surreptitiously rub a tired hand over her eyes, his session with Dumbledore had gone on longer than he had thought it would. He had been shown the latest memory and now they were discussing how important it was for Harry to get the memory from Slughorn. Harry knew he needed the memory he just truly had no idea how to get it.

“Ahem!” a voice called from the wall and Harry and Dumbledore both turned their attention to a portrait on the wall.

“Yes, what can I do for you?” Dumbledore said politely. Harry was surprised the portrait had said anything, usually they were sleeping or off somewhere else in the castle.

“There is a student on the seventh floor corridor who asked for your assistance.”

Harry's attention was now fully on the former headmaster.

“Do you know who this student is?” Dumbledore inquired.

“She did not give me her name.” and Harry's heart leapt when he heard the student was female. It couldn't possibly be Hermione.

“However, she did have a prefect badge and looked as if she had been in quite a duel, if I do say so myself.”

In a second everything fell into place for him. Hermione's Arithmancy class was on the seventh floor, he usually met up with her afterwards but he had been with Dumbledore. Hermione was a prefect and would have been smart enough to ask a portrait to alert Dumbledore.

Without a word Harry shot out of the room at a dead run, tearing down the spiral stairs and almost plowing into a group of students exiting the Great Hall. He didn't bother to apologize and kept moving his way through the crowd.

“Harry!” Ron's voice boomed out across the hall but he didn't stop. Ron joined him as he raced for the staircases. “Harry! What's wrong?”

“Hermione! I think she's been attacked again.” he said in a gasp as they were forced to wait for the stairs to move.

“What?!” Ron bellowed “What happened.”

“I don't know!” Harry yelled back, incensed that he hadn't been there. “I was still with Dumbledore, I wasn't able to meet up with her after her class.”

Ron let out a low groan “Oh Merlin! I didn't....Harry...I didn't even think...I just figured you guys were trying to get a little alone time. I'm sorry....I...”

Harry waved him off impatiently as they jumped the last few feet to the next set of stairs and didn't even bother answering him. They weren't far from her now.

Tearing around the last corner his eyes were searching the hallway. There! Half sitting, half laying she was slumped against the door frame of an unused classroom.

He felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him as he skidded to his knees next to her.

She was in and out of consciousness, trying to open her eyes. Her face had several small scratches and cuts, there was a large gash on her leg and her left arm hung unnaturally at her side.

A whine of panic made itself known and for a moment he was transported back to that terrible night. How could this have happened again!

He reached a hand out and cupped the side of her face, his thumb ghosting over a scrape on her cheek. “`Mione.” he gasped, his voice sounding nothing like it should.

She struggled to open her eyes and finally succeeded. “Harry.” she said faintly and reached up to wrap her hand around his wrist.

“What happened? Who did this?” he demanded, afraid of what she might say.

He saw her wince at the question and hesitate and he knew. He knew who's name she would say but he needed to hear her say it.

“Malfoy.” she whispered

Hermione vanished. The hallway vanished. He couldn't see anything but red hot rage. He felt the magic build in him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. A tremble ran beneath his feet and he could hear voices calling his name from far away but he couldn't listen to them now.

The vibration grew until suddenly there was a hand clamped on his shoulder and he was drawn back to the present. A shower of mortar dust now coated everything around them and Dumbledore stood at his side. “Harry. I know you're upset but you must control yourself.”

Hermione was staring at him, love and support flowing from her and he felt terrible for losing control when she was the one who needed help.

“I'm sorry.” he said, not allowing himself to look away from her. She gave him a half-smile and squeezed his hand in response.

She moved, trying to sit up more and he wrapped an arm around her waist for support. “Are you okay?” he asked,

“I'm alright. A little banged up but nothing too bad.” she said, trying to sound strong.

“Miss Granger, what exactly has transpired here?” the headmaster asked

She shot a look at Harry and then turned her attention to Dumbledore “I stayed after to talk to the professor and was heading to the Great Hall when Malfoy and his goons found me.”

Harry's jaw clenched and he saw Ron take a couple steps away from them, raking a hand through his hair in guilt.

She took a deep breath and then continued “He taunted me for awhile and then I attacked them. I stunned Goyle and then ran into the classroom to hide. Malfoy and I dueled for awhile and eventually I got him pretty good. Goyle drug him out right before I talked to that headmaster in the portrait. Crabbe is still inside.” she said and motioned towards the room.

Harry didn't know what to say. He was proud of her for fighting back and taking on Malfoy but he was also so angry that it had even happened in the first place.

Dumbledore looked contrite “I'm very sorry this has happened to you Miss Granger.”

“Malfoy's getting expelled for this, right?” Ron asked, angrily

“I'm afraid that Mister Malfoy will need to remain at Hogwarts for the entirety of the school year.” the headmaster replied, his voice filled with remorse.

“What?!” Hermione screeched, scrambling to her feet.

Harry had been so surprised by Dumbledore's statement that he barely rose in time to help steady Hermione as she was overcome with dizziness.

“I'm sorry. What Mister Malfoy has done is reprehensible but the fact remains that he has a link to Lord Voldemort and it does us all good to have him where we can see him. I agree with Harry that he is indeed acting suspiciously and I have given my consent to ask Dobby to follow Mister Malfoy while he is at this school.”

Harry didn't like this plan at all. He wanted to find Malfoy and rip his limbs from him and curse him with every terrible spell he knew. However, he knew that being able to track him and discover what he was up to would be valuable. Harry was torn. He didn't know if he could be expected to share classrooms with Malfoy after this.

He looked down at Hermione, and was surprised to see how angry she was. Her eyes flashed and her arms were crossed as well as they could be considering her injury.

“How could you?!” she whispered angrily, betrayal evident in her voice. He had never seen her look at Dumbledore like that before. “Do you know what he was saying to me? Do you know the vile things he was threatening me with?” her voice getting louder with each question. She had pulled away from Harry and was standing on her own. “He's responsible for what happened to me before. HE did this to me once and he was going to do it again! How can you let him stay here?!” she had advanced on the headmaster and was now only a few feet away, anger and disappointment all over her face.

Harry hurried forward and grasped her by the shoulders, propelling her away from the others. She struggled against him at first and then acquiesced. “What, Harry?” she said angrily.

He cupped her face in both his hands and leaned in close, not caring if he gave away their change in status to Dumbledore. “Listen to me.” he said intently “I want to do nothing more than to find Malfoy and kill him right now for what he's done to you.” his voice was harsh and she tried to turn her head away from him but he wouldn't let her. “No. I need you to hear this.” her gaze defiant as she glared at him. “I would kill him `Mione. Do you hear me. I would. But I can't think about myself anymore. What I want isn't important. I have to think about what is best for everyone. Voldemort is planning something. Something huge and we have no idea what it is. I have no idea how I'm supposed to fight him. I have no idea how I'm supposed to end him, but I don't have a choice.” his voice was desperate now, breaking.

Her look had softened some, but he knew she was still upset. “You have to know how much this is killing me, I wish I didn't have to do this, but I don't have a choice.” he repeated, his head falling forward to rest on hers. “Dumbledore is right.” a shudder ran through her “Malfoy has to stay so that we can try and figure out what he's doing and what Voldemort wants.”

She took a shuddering breath “I know what you're saying is right...I just...I hate that he's getting away with this.”

“Me too.” he agreed and brought a hand around to the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair. “I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone.”

“It's not your fault, Harry. Students should be able to walk the halls of Hogwarts without bodyguards.” she replied, her hands raising to rest at his waist.

His fingers rubbed her head comfortingly until he heard her gasp in pain and raise a hand to cover his. “Sorry!” he said quickly, stepping back to get a good look at her.

“I got blasted back against the wall.” she said in explanation.

“We need to get you checked out.” he said and she nodded her agreement.

He wrapped an arm around her waist for support and turned back to Dumbledore and Ron.

“I wish things did not have to be this way, Miss Granger.” the headmaster said apologetically.

“I know, headmaster.” she replied with only a slight edge to her voice.

“Harry, I believe Miss Granger could use a visit to Madame Pomfrey. I will see to Mister Crabbe.” he said before disappearing into the classroom.

Ron came up on her other side “Alright Hermione?” he asked

“I will be.” she said with a slight smile.

“So, you kicked his arse then?” he said, grinning a bit

Hermione's eyes flashed in annoyance at first and then she leaned in towards him “That would be an accurate description.” winking before she grabbed Harry's arm for support.

Ron let out a guffaw and then jogged over to grab her schoolbag from where it had landed.

The walk to the hospital wing was slow and he could tell she was in considerable pain. But at least she was walking under her own power and was conscious. The stairs proved to be the most difficult and he and Ron both had to help her on those. By the time they were on the last hallway he was supporting the majority of her weight. Her eyes were closed and she had her head pressed into his arm, concentrating on just putting one foot in front of the other.

At the door to the infirmary her knees finally gave way and he scooped her up. In three long strides was laying her on the nearest bed.

“Thanks.” she said weakly “Thought I was going to make it.”

“Don't worry about it.” he said, running a hand over her cheek and leaning down to press a quick kiss to her temple.

Ron had run to grab Madame Pomfrey and soon enough the healer was once again working on Hermione.

He stepped back to the foot of the bed and crossed his arms, this scene was all too familiar and he had to constantly remind himself that this time was very different.

Madame Pomfrey was asking Hermione which spells she had been hit with and he heard her list quite a few, his temper flaring with each one. When she hesitated though he stepped closer. “What else, `Mione?”

“He...uh...he clipped me with crucio, just for a moment.” she admitted and he had to turn around, fists clenched at his side to control himself.

Her hand on his thigh made him turn around. “I'm fine, Harry. Promise.” she said.

He couldn't speak just then so he grabbed her hand and kept it in his. She smiled and nodded, understanding how he felt.

Ten minutes later she was looking considerably better and Madame Pomfrey declared her healed although she did try and keep her overnight but Hermione protested.

“Are you sure? Maybe you should stay.” he said

“I'm sure Harry. I don't need to stay.” she said quickly, trying to avoid his eyes but he caught her chin and tilted it towards him and saw the fear she was trying to hide.

“Ok `Mione.” he said softly, and she blinked furiously before giving him a grateful smile.

The healer did excuse her from the rest of her afternoon classes and Harry took that to mean that he was excused as well. Ron, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get out of them, grumbled out of the room but promised he would take notes.

She was much more steady on her feet when they left although she looked drawn and tired. “What do you want to do?” he asked

“I don't want to be alone.” she admitted and it took everything in him not to pull her to his side right there in the corridor.

The common room was empty since afternoon classes were in session. He grabbed her hand as soon as he saw that no one else was around and guided her over to the alcove by the fireplace. An enlargement charm on the chair and silencing and distraction spells on the area and he was fairly confident that no one would disturb them.

He dropped into the chair and tugged her down next to him, only slightly surprised when she sat on him instead of next to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she buried her head in his chest. Pulling her close he felt her shake as she allowed everything that had happened to come to the surface.

“Shhh, it's ok, I've got you.” he whispered into her hair.

“I was so scared at first.” she said, her voice muffled “I froze. And I just knew that it was going to happen again. But then...he started talking about...he was saying how he was going to let Crabbe and Goyle have fun with me.” Every muscle in his body tensed and it was her turn to settle him down. “Thats when I got mad. Everything became clear then and I just attacked him.”

“I'm glad you did. If...if anything had happened to you again...even Dumbledore wouldn't have been able to stop me.”

She clutched him tighter and he dropped his head down pressing his lips into her hair and then her cheek.

She looked up, her eyes dark and before he knew what he was doing he had captured her mouth with his. She let out a gasp of surprise and then sunk further into him. One hand slid into her hair and he pulled her closer. A fire burned in the pit of his stomach. Tentatively he traced the seam of her lips with his tongue and she opened for him with no hesitation. His hand roamed her back and they both gasped when her shirt rode up and he touched bare skin.

She pulled back, and he was awestruck by how beautiful she looked. She gave him one more kiss and then tucked her head under his chin, sighing contently. He brushed the hair away from her neck and stroked the exposed skin, enjoying the shiver that went through her at his touch.

Her breathing evened out and he looked down to see that she had fallen asleep. He wrapped his arms more securely around her. He wished she could know just how proud of her he was, to have faced down her demons like she had, to have dueled so brilliantly...she amazed him.

As she slept he kept watch, determined to allow her to have her well deserved rest and happy to have her in his arms, whole and unharmed.

15. chapter 15

The next few weeks went by in a blur. With apparition testing for her and Ron, Harry's continued worry over how to get the memory from Slughorn, and the ever looming threat of Malfoy, Hermione was busier than ever, and never alone.

As it turned out, they hardly saw Malfoy. He was conspicuously absent from most classes and rarely appeared for meals. When he did however, he would be sure to stare at her until she felt uncomfortable and she'd had to keep Harry and Ron from hexing him across the Great Hall more than once.

Harry asking Dobby and Kreacher to keep an eye on Malfoy had paid off though. They now knew he was using the Room of Requirement for something although Harry hadn't been able to get in. They also knew he was making Crabbe and Goyle polyjuice themselves as girls which Ron found hilarious.

Hagrid had sent word earlier that afternoon that Aragog had died and he wanted all of them to come to the burial. She had sent a shocked look at Harry and could tell as much as he wanted to be there for Hagrid, it was still a funeral for a giant spider that had tried to kill him. Ron wanted no part in the matter.

As usual, their conversation turned to how Harry could convince Slughorn to share the memory Dumbledore so desperately wanted. It was Ron who came up with the solution and suggested Harry use the Felix Felicis. She was glad they had settled on something as she had been watching Harry stress over his task for weeks now and was looking forward to some sort of resolution.

Now they sat in the common room after dinner, waiting for it to clear out some so Harry could take the potion and hopefully get the answers he needed.

They tried to appear normal, with books and parchment in front of them, but none of them, including her, were getting any work done. When finally Dean and Neville left for the boys dormitory Hermione hastily shut her textbook and scooted closer to Harry on the couch.

“You sure you want to use it?” she said suddenly, nervous that if this didn't work it would be doubly difficult.

“Don't see any other way.” Harry answered with a shrug and pulled the vial from his pocket.

“Shouldn't need the whole thing, just a few hours should do so...I guess I'll take a few sips.” he looked at her expectantly and she nodded her agreement. Without further delay he tipped the bottle back and took a swallow.

She watched him carefully, waiting for any indication that the potion was working. And then, as if something had been flipped he gave her a broad grin.

Harry put the cap on the vial with a bit of aplomb and tossed it in the air so that it flipped end over end several times before he caught it with a flourish and replaced it in his pocket.

“I think...I think I'm going to go see Hagrid.” he said with conviction and she looked at him with her mouth agape. Hagrid? How on earth could going to see Hagrid help him get the memory from Slughorn.

“Harry...” she began, wondering how she was supposed to convince him he was wrong when he was doped on a potion that told him the exact opposite.

Without even giving the room a glance he pulled her to her feet and gave her a rakish grin before crushing his mouth to hers. She whimpered in surprise and then her eyes fell shut of their own accord and all rational thought left her as his hand cupped the side of her face and he kissed her like he never had before.

When he finally pulled back his lips left hers with a `pop' and the way he was looking at her made her stomach do funny things. “Oh yes,” he said “I'm feeling very lucky tonight.” and her cheeks flamed instantly at the innuendo.

Ron was clearing his throat so loud and so often she thought he'd be hoarse tomorrow, but Harry didn't even seem to notice. He pulled the invisibility cloak out of his bag in one smooth move and winked at her. “Don't wait up, luv.” he said and then he was out of sight. A split second later just his head reappeared, “On second thought...maybe you should.”

She gaped at him open mouthed, but before she could react he was gone again. “Harry James Potter!” she growled, and she swore she heard him chuckle before a group of fourth years came through the portrait hole and she assumed he must have made his way out.

Her and Ron stared at each other in shock. “What's he going to find at Hagrid's?” Ron said, finally.

“I have no idea.” she replied and wandered to the window. From the tower she could just make out a faint light of Hagrid's hut, but with Harry using the cloak she'd never be able to see him. Regardless, she still watched until she thought he would have had enough time to make it there.

Waiting was the worst. Ron stayed with her and they made an attempt at homework, but even she couldn't concentrate, and after thirty minutes of trying to write one sentence she gave up.

She paced in front of the fireplace while Ron twirled a quill between his fingers over and over again until she snatched it up in frustration and tossed it on the table. He just gave her a look and she mumbled an apology before collapsing onto the couch.

She fought sleep, although Ron didn't and dozed off close to midnight. The rest of the room was empty, and she could have sworn she heard someone at the portrait hole not much later, but it was difficult to tell over Ron's snores. Without a bit of regret she cast a Muffalato charm on him and enjoyed the silence.

Harry should have been back by now. The potion would have long since worn off, and the only logical reason she could come up with for why he hadn't returned was that he had been successful and gone straight to Dumbledore. However, that still didn't ease her worry.

Ron jerked awake in the early hours of the morning and she had to surreptitiously remove the silencing charm without him realizing it. “...et some sleep, Hermione.” his voice filled the space, but he didn't seem to notice the beginning of his sentence had been lost.

She did note that although he was telling her to go to bed he didn't seem to intend on leaving either, and proceeded to fold himself into the chair in such a way that limbs were hanging every direction and soon enough he was asleep again.

With a sigh she tucked herself into the corner of the couch and tried to focus on the dying flames of the fire, but instead of keeping her attention it lulled her eyes shut and she lost the battle.

Harry slid into the common room quietly. The Fat Lady had been more accommodating this time around and thankfully hadn't given him any trouble. He still had the cloak out in case he needed it, but a quick scan of the room let him know that Ron and Hermione were the only two present.

Ron's head was tipped back over the arm of a chair and one long leg was stretched out so far he could rest it on the couch. Hermione was curled on the other side, abandoned books on the floor in front of her. She had one hand under her cheek and the other lay loose across her lap. He felt a twinge of guilt that they had tried to stay up for his return.

He couldn't believe he had actually gotten the memory, but most of all he couldn't believe what he had learned.

He trudged wearily to the couch and dropped down on it heavier than he intended. Hermione shifted in her sleep, but didn't wake up. With a sigh he let his head fall back and let out a long breath. His thoughts whirled with horcruxes, and prophecies, and how he was supposed to defeat Voldemort with love. Dumbledore had been so certain, so emphatic that he understand this, but the pressure was overwhelming and he didn't know if he could handle it.

Harry slid his eyes towards Hermione. He wouldn't be able to do this without her, he knew that, whatever this ended up being. He didn't want to wake her, but he needed some sort of assurance that she was there. Slowly, he reached a hand out until it could rest on her leg. The loose flannel pants she wore were soft beneath his fingers and he couldn't help it as his thumb traced a pattern over the small bones of her ankle.

His eyes fell shut, and gradually his hand slowed until it was still.

When he woke up it had to have been hours later. The fire had burned to embers, but no one else had come down yet from the dormitories. Hermione appeared to have woken up at some point because he found himself with a face full of hair as she was now half draped across his chest and he was slumped down so far his nose was far too close to Ron's sock clad foot.

He used his free hand to pat down Hermione's mane and accidentally woke her in the process. She blinked several times and then seemed to remember where she was. She turned her face into him and yawned before looking up through her lashes.

“You should have let me know you got back.” she admonished, her voice raspy with sleep.

“It was late and...” he trailed off as she pushed herself up.

“You got it?” she asked and he just nodded

“But there's something more.” she said perceptively and he nodded again.

She reached across him and pushed hard on Ron's foot so it landed on the floor with a thud. When all he did was move his head around some and begin to snore louder she pulled her wand and sent a low level stinging curse his way. He sat up with a yelp and absently rubbed his arm where she had got him.

“Oh Ron, you're awake.” she said with false sweetness, but Ron was none the wiser.

“Hey.” he said, and rubbed a hand over his face before pushing himself to sit in the chair in the fashion it was designed for. “When you'd get in?”

“Late. I got the memory.” Harry replied, and Ron froze in the middle of his stretch.

“Really? How? Did you see it yet? What did Dumbledore say?” Ron asked hurriedly

Harry looked around the room once more to ensure they were alone, and hoped they had another hour at least before the early risers would be up.

Taking a deep breath he held out his hand and Hermione laced her fingers through his immediately. He gave her a grateful smile and then dove in.

He told them everything: how he got Slughorn to go to Hargrid's, how he got him to give up the memory, and then finally, everything he saw and everything Dumbledore had postulated about the horcruxes.

Hermione had somehow restrained herself from asking any questions while he spoke. Now, he was afraid she had too many and didn't know where to begin. Ron just looked stunned.

His hand was numb from where she held on to him. She hadn't let go the entire time and as he watched and waited he saw her blink quickly a few times and then set her jaw.

“We're doing this with you, Harry.” she said fiercely “These horcruxes, we're going to help you and Dumbledore find and destroy them.” and a weight he didn't even know he'd been carrying around with him disappeared.

He opened his mouth on instinct to argue with her, but her eyes flashed and he never thought he'd seen her more sure of anything. “Don't you dare!” she spat out “Don't you dare say you don't need us! After everything we've gone though and everything that is ahead of you, if you think for one second we're going to let you do this alone you're...”

She didn't get to finish her sentence because he tugged her towards him and silenced her with a hard kiss. “Thanks,” he whispered into her and she locked her gaze with his before replying, “Always.”

“What she said, mate.” Ron piped up from behind him, “Except I'm not gonna kiss you.”

Hermione sent him a glare and he just smirked in response.

Harry looked at both of them and felt a relief wash over him, “Thanks, really. I don't...” he sat back heavily and let his eyes fall shut. “Dumbledore asked me to go with him. He thinks he may be close to finding another one, and when he does, he wants me to go along.” Earlier, in the Headmaster's office, it hadn't actually registered with him; what he was going to have to do. But now...the fear and uncertainty and pressure were beginning to become overwhelming.

Hermione bit her lip in worry and he wanted to assure her, he wanted to tell her it would be fine, but this was getting bigger and bigger and the stakes were higher than ever and he didn't know if it would fine at all.

“I know.” was all he said, and before any of them could say another word he could hear footsteps on the stairs.

The days went by all too quickly and he felt that he was constantly on edge, waiting for Dumbledore to summon him. One afternoon, as they were going over a Transfiguration assignment, Harry pulled out his potions book and flipped through it slowly.

Hermione's eyes cut over to him and saw what he was doing. “I suppose since you've got the memory now, you don't really need the book.” she said slowly, and he could tell she'd been wanting to say something for awhile.

He was drawn to a page he had dogeared and ran his finger over the spell written on the side, `Sectumsempra'. “Yeah, I guess you're right.” he conceded, “I just wonder, who this belonged to. I mean, you said so yourself, the work is correct, just not by the book.”

“True, but you have no idea what some of those spells or potion changes could do.” she said pointedly

“I know. But I'd like to. Whoever this is, you can't say they didn't have a brilliant mind. Aren't you curious to find out what this means?” he asked, pointing to the spell he had just looked at as an example.

“I suppose just a little, but Harry you can't just go around casting spells you know nothing about.” she cautioned, and he shut the book before picking up the Marauder's Map to check on Malfoy's whereabouts.

Once again, he couldn't be found. With a heavy sigh Harry muttered the incantation to make the map invisible and the tossed it into his bag. “Room of Requirement again?” Hermione asked and he just nodded.

Harry felt antsy and frustrated and decided if he stayed there any longer he was likely to irritate Hermione or drive himself crazy. Making a decision he looked around quick and brushed a kiss across her cheek, loving how she simultaneously flushed at the action and got that look in her eye that let him know he was in trouble. “I'm going to go see if I can't catch him coming out, maybe follow him.”

“Harry...” she began, her tone low and warning, for both kissing her and going to spy on Malfoy.

“I'll be careful. He won't know I'm there.” he said, and deftly pulled the cloak from his bag and grabbed the map as well, just in case.

“Don't be long. We told Ron we'd meet him before dinner.” she said and purposely turned her attention back to her work. He could tell she wanted to go with him, if only to keep him out of trouble, but she was only half way through correcting their essays and she still had issues with being near Malfoy.

He saw her swallow heavily and he leaned in so close their foreheads almost touched. “Hey, I need to do this. I need to find out what he's doing, because I know he's up to something and Dumbledore thinks it's important. But mostly I need to do this so I can stop him. He's not coming near you again.”

She didn't look at him but her quill stilled, “Alright, Harry.” she said softly and he allowed himself to brush a hand over her hair before he straightened up and left the common room without looking back.

He waited until he was in the hallway and alone before he put the cloak on and headed for the Room of Requirement. He waited for over an hour with no movement before Mrs. Norris came creeping by and he had to leave. By the time it was safe to return Draco was now showing up in one of the boy's bathrooms.

Cursing his timing he hurried as quickly as he could and approached the door to the bathroom with caution. He checked the map once more and saw that, other than Moaning Myrtle, Draco was alone.

Harry put the map away and pulled his wand. He pushed open the door slowly and winced as it let out a low squeaking moan, but no footsteps came his direction. He could hear the sound of voices echoing in the space, but couldn't quite make out what was being said.

He crept forward, taking care where he placed his feet and when he made it to the main area of the room he could see Malfoy as he leaned over a sink.

Without thought Harry removed the cloak and stepped behind Malfoy, so when he looked up he saw Harry staring him down in the mirror.

Malfoy spun on the spot, his wand drawn.

“I wouldn't recommend that, Malfoy.” Harry spat, “It's not so much fun when you're cornered, is it?”

“Oh, hello Harry.” Myrtle said in her wispy, girlish voice, “You never come visit me anymore. Don't you still like me?”

Neither of them paid any attention to the ghost.

“Are you still worked up about what happened to the Mudblood?” Malfoy said haughtily, “It was just some harmless fun.”

It took everything in Harry's power to not react to his words. “I know you're up to no good. I know you're doing something for Voldemort in the Room of Requirement. I know your family is using you to do their dirty work for them inside of Hogwarts. I know you're just a puppet, with no free will.” as he spoke, Malfoy's face became more and more snarled with rage.

“You know nothing of me and my family, Potter! And when you're licking my father's boots when this is all over I'll remind you of that. Don't worry though, I'm sure we can find a job suitable for the Mudblood.” the leering, disgusting way he said it left no doubt to what he meant.

All reason and sense and words of caution vanished from Harry's thoughts when he heard Malfoy speak.

Harry fired a Reducto straight at Malfoy's head and he only ducked just in time, causing the mirror behind him to explode into thousands of tiny shards.

Myrtle screeched and yelled at them to stop to no avail. With a wailing moan she flew to the nearest toilet and zoomed out of sight.

Spells and curses flew around them, but Harry had never felt more focused and in control. Everything Malfoy sent his direction he was able to shield or cast the counter curse for before it could do any damage.

Harry could see the surprise and then the anger as Malfoy realized he wasn't making any headway.

Desperation flared in his eyes and then, faster than Harry thought possible, a purple curse flew at him. His shield was a second too slow and it clipped his shoulder. Harry cried out in pain, but managed to hold the Protego as Malfoy continued to bombard him. When he realized it was the same curse that had fallen Hermione at the Department of Mysteries Harry saw red.

A word flashed in front of his eyes and, without knowing what it would do Harry swung his wand wildly and said “Sectumsempra!”

Deep, wide gashes cut across Malfoy's chest and he gave out a small sound of surprise before collapsing to his knees. Blood blossomed quickly and soon Malfoy was on the ground unable to move or speak from the pain.

Harry kept his wand trained on him until he was certain he no longer posed a threat and then he approached.

Harry crouched down so he was closer to eye level with Malfoy. He made sure the Slytherin's eyes were on him as he plucked the other boy's wand from the weak grasp he had on it and tossed it away.

“Things are different now, do you understand me?” Harry asked, perfectly calm, while he watched Malfoy's blood slowly swirl down the drain. “I am not the same person I was a few months ago. I will not tolerate your continued attacks, and your continued insinuations. You are only here because Dumbledore has allowed it. But you need to know that if you ever come near Hermione again or make threats like you just did, even Dumbledore won't be able to stop me. Do you understand?” Malfoy was paler than ever and had begun to shake, but Harry did nothing to help him. “Do you understand?” he asked again, his voice hard, and was glad to see Malfoy nod once.

Harry stood and looked down on Malfoy, not taking pleasure in what he had done, but not feeling any remorse for it either. “I'll let Madame Pomfrey know you're in here. Maybe you won't bleed to death by the time she gets to you.”

A low level tremor went through him as he walked away, and he tried to force the image of Malfoy's injuries from his mind. Harry completely forgot about using the cloak and as soon as he stepped into the hallway he saw Dumbledore standing there.

“Harry...” he began, but Harry held up a hand and cut him off.

“I didn't kill him, but he probably needs to go to the hospital wing.” Harry said, and then turned to leave, wanting nothing more than to lay eyes on Hermione and know she was alright.

“Madame Pomfrey is on her way.” Dumbledore said, and leveled Harry with a stare he was unable to look away from, “Harry, I thought I made it clear that you were not to take matters into your own hands.”

Anger flared at Harry as the Headmaster spoke at him in that dour, somber tone of disappointment, “And I thought I made it clear that Hermione was going to be protected! You have no idea what he said to me. I had every right to do what I did!” Harry threw back.

Dumbledore sighed heavily, “Go, Harry. We will discuss this further at another time.”

Harry didn't need to be told twice and he passed the school nurse on the stairs as she hurried to the Headmaster's call.

When Harry got back to the common room Hermione and Ron were both missing and after one brief moment of panic he thought to check the map and saw them pacing in front of the Great Hall. He smacked his forehead and turned on the spot to head back out the way he had came, he had completely forgotten about meeting them for dinner.

The hallway was empty as he approached as it was well after the meal had started and from a distance he could see Hermione stalk the same three feet of floor with her arms wrapped tight around her while Ron stood motionless.

As Harry closed the distance between them he knew when she saw him because she gave a little yelp and tried to run towards him but Ron grabbed her arm and held her back.

Her hair flew as she turned on Ron and by the time she was done ranting Harry was in front of her.

“Harry!” she exclaimed when she saw where he was and she made a stuttered sort of move as she tried to simultaneously hug him and try not to. Finally the need to hug won out and she launched herself at him.

He wrapped one arm around her back and the other around her waist and tried not to wince when she buried her face into his hurt shoulder.

“Where have you been? I've been so worried!” she said, but it was muffled as she didn't bother to lift her head.

Ron ran an appraising eye over him, “What's that on your sleeve, mate?” he asked casually

Harry tilted his arm up and saw his formerly clean jumper sleeve now had red droplets of Malfoy's blood all over it.

“I may have run into Malfoy.” he replied and Ron gave him a hard nod of understanding.

Hermione pulled back sharply and gasped, “Harry! What happened? Did he attack you?” she asked, frantic and began to run her hands all over, searching for injuries.

When her hand skimmed his shoulder he flinched and she looked at him in concern, “What is it? Do you need to go see Madame Pomfrey?” she asked

He grabbed her hands in his to still them, “No, I'll be fine. Madame Pomfrey's busy right now anyways.”

He looked at both of them and then back towards the main staircase, “Come on, let's go back, it'll be empty and...” he trailed off, now that he was removed from the moment reality was beginning to sit in and his stomach was starting to turn from the memory of what he had done.

Hermione must have sensed his mood because she didn't argue with him, she just slipped her hand in his and tugged him with her as they headed to the common room.

However, the closer they got the more shock he felt and soon enough Hermione was pulling him into an empty classroom and forcing him to sit on a bench.

“Harry,” she said gently, and pulled his hands away from his face but he couldn't bring himself to look at her, “What happened?”

“He was...you don't know what he was saying.” he said stilted, almost the same words he had said to Dumbledore, “I didn't mean to use it, I swear `Mione, I didn't, but it just slipped out. I didn't know thats what it was going to do.”

“Use what?” she asked

“The spell. From my potions book, the one I pointed out to you earlier.” he admitted,

“Oh Harry.” she said softly “What did it do?”

He swallowed heavily before answering “It made these horrible gashes all across the front of him. There was blood everywhere.”

Hermione gasped and let her hand rest on his bent knee. “What did he say?”

“I can't...I won't tell you.” he managed to get out. She stood, and her fingers ghosted over his shoulder again.

“What did he hit you with?” and her tone suggested he would have to answer her

“That purple curse.” he finally admitted

“Harry! You need to get it looked at, it took me weeks to recover...”

“I know that!” he exclaimed, angry at the reminder of her injury,

“Did he use anything else, Crucio?”

“No.” he said quickly “At least I don't think so.”

She nodded once and then stood firmly in front of him, “Harry, listen to me. If I had know about the curse from the book when he attacked me last time, I would have used it.”

His eyes flew to hers at her declaration.

“Malfoy isn't playing duel. He's using serious curses with serious consequences. He's using Unforgiveables, and other dark magic that the Death Eater's have taught him! We have to use everything at our disposal and if that means using potentially deadly curses ourselves then...we have to live with that.”

“But doesn't that make us no better than them?” he countered, Dumbledore's look of disappointment was still with him.

“It only does if we do it for pleasure. Using all the resources you have is just being smart. You shouldn't feel guilty for that. They're using these curses because they think we won't. They think we're too good and too weak, but being smart is it's own sort of strength and as long as you continue to feel bad when you cause another person pain, regardless of who they are, you will never be like them.” she looked as if she could have taken on Voldemort alone right then and he had never loved her more.

His throat was tight and he had no words that could adequately match what she had just said so he nodded and hoped it would be enough.

She knelt down so she could fill the space in front of him. “You're not him, Harry. You're not Voldemort.”

His head came up so quickly he felt vertebrae crack and his mouth hung open. How had she known? How had she figured out that his biggest fear was becoming like Voldemort?

“You were both orphans, and you both consider Hogwarts your home, but you have something that he never had and never will have. You're loved and you know how to love.” Her hand came up and brushed away the fringe that hid his scar, “And I agree with Dumbledore; that will make all the difference. So, although it may sound idealistic or even absurd, yes, your ability to love will allow you to win in the end.” her fingers slid down his cheek to cup the side of his face, “And you are loved, Harry, you must know that.”

Harry reached up and grabbed her hand tightly before turning it so he could press a kiss into the palm. He shut his eyes and squeezed them shut in an effort to keep tears at bay, but one slipped out. Her thumb caught it in time and swiped it away before bowing her head over his.

“Thank you.” he was able to whisper. She pulled him closer to her and he leaned in for a long moment.

“Better?” she asked with forced cheer in her voice

“Yeah,” he rasped out, he wanted to talk to her longer, but he felt too raw right then.

He sat back slowly an realized with a start that Ron had been there the entire time. Harry flushed, but Ron pretended not to notice.

“All good, mate? Can we head down to dinner now or should we just go see Dobby in the kitchens?” Ron asked, deliberately not mentioning what had just happened, and for that Harry was grateful.

“Kitchens sound good.” he replied, sounding much more in control than he had expected.

Hermione pulled him up by the hand and laced her fingers with his. He didn't care who saw them in the hallway. He half suspected the majority of Gryffindor was on to them and was just placating until they decided to come clean.

As they snuck down to the kitchens he was reminded again at how very lucky he was, and felt a small bit of confidence that maybe Hermione and Dumbledore were right and he did have a chance after all.