The Smart One

Title: The Smart One

Author Name: Urania Black

Rating: G

Spoilers: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP

Summary: I only wanted to go for a walk. I’m supposed to be the smart one.

DISCLAIMER: All belongs to J.K. Rowling.

I knew it was wrong. But then magic was wrong as well, according to my father. What exactly did wrong mean any more? I knew murder and lying and dark magic were wrong. Those were simple, easy to decipher from the gray areas of life. I had wanted to believe everything was black and white, right or wrong. But this must surely be wrong. I had thought at first that maybe it was only because he needed someone to touch and love that the affair had started, if you could call it an affair. I love him and I believe he loves me. Whenever I feel like the world is overwhelming I need only to think of Harry’s sparkling emerald eyes and nothing seems so horribly bad anymore

I knew it was wrong. I knew it, but still the temptation was overwhelming. A small brush of his hand at breakfast, the tickle of his warm breath against my skin when he whispered a private joke in my ear. I knew it was wrong. He didn’t seem to think it was. I can never escape his eyes. They follow me everywhere. I had to get away from the house before I did something I might have regretted. I only wanted to go for a walk. I’m supposed to be the smart one.

Love is complicated, harsh, cold, warm, fuzzy. Love feels good sometimes and other times it’s just another way to bleed. I had yet to figure out which one this was. I knew he was dying inside. I even knew why. What I did not know was how to help. I had done everything I could think of to help him cope with the bitter reality of losing the first casualty in a long war. I had left him alone, held him close, read to him, sang to him, cooked for him. I was running out of things to do. I even offered to go flying with him, but he ended up in a heap on the floor sobbing. I needed to get out of that dark house. It was beginning to close in on me and all I wanted to do was scream. A nice walk in the summer night air sounded perfect to me. So I left without a word. No one would miss me anyway, they didn’t even notice when I was there.

I couldn’t help but think of him when I looked at the stars. I wondered if he was with Lily and James now, watching over Harry and Remus. I stopped believing in Heaven when I was fourteen so wherever he was I hoped he was happy.

I was hoping to clear my head, gather my strength so I could be strong for him when he needed me. I knew how tired he was of being needed, of being strong, of being responsible. Who could blame him really? No one deserved half of what he endured. And he always seemed to handle it well. At least in public.

Thinking of him is so consuming I am almost always unaware of everything else. I only wanted to go for a walk. I’m supposed to be the smart one.

I didn’t see him, didn’t have time to go for my wand, didn’t have time to even scream. There was that horrible feeling of being squeezed through a tube that is too small and I landed on my knees on rocky ground in a very unfamiliar place. I don’t know how long I was here until Harry and Ron were brought in, but I refused to meet their eyes, to even talk to them.

I had been given my instructions. Told what I must do to live. I would rather die than choose. He had believed because Harry and I were together it would be an easy choice. But then again what did He know of love, of friendship. What did He know of anything but pain and torture and death? He was right about one thing though, it had been an easy choice. I was thankful for the fact neither of them knew what had been asked of me and neither of them would know my choice until it was too late.

“Tell me girl,” He whispered harshly, “who have you chosen to die and who have you chosen to live?”

“I will die, they will live.” He looked stunned for a moment as if He had never before considered this option. He looked to one of His followers and I was unchained from the wall only to fall to the floor.

It was my fault we were in this predicament. I should be the one to die. Ron and Harry had so much to live for. Ron had his family and Harry was just as good as a Weasley as far as Molly was concerned. Plus there was Remus to think about. What would he do if Harry were to die? Wouldn’t he feel that he had failed at absolutely everything in his life? I was the only one with nothing. My father didn’t know I existed. My step-father despised the fact that I was alive. My mother, my poor mother didn’t know what to think of me. I had not seen her since after fourth year. My step-father had gotten hold of a copy of The Daily Prophet and had read everything Rita had written. Thank goodness for Sirius who had allowed me to live at 12 Grimmauld Place. But Sirius was dead now and I would be in a matter of minutes.

“Hermione,” Harry called out frantically, “Hermione what are you doing?”

I refused to look at him. I knelt in front of Him waiting for the curse that would end my life. I hoped it wasn’t painful and I hoped Harry and Ron would forgive me. It was all for the best. I only wanted to make things right. I’m supposed to be the smart one.

Title: The Smart One

Author Name: Urania Black

Rating: G

Spoilers: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP

Summary: I only wanted to go for a walk. I’m supposed to be the smart one.

DISCLAIMER: All belongs to J.K. Rowling.

There was light. A blinding light. But it wasn’t green so I knew He had yet to cast the spell. I closed my eyes waiting. There were yells and screams of terror all around me, but still I kept my eyes closed. I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder. I fell and my head it the floor, hard. I wondered if Harry knew how much I loved him and then slipped away.

Surely I must be dead. I had died for Harry and Ron. It was a noble thing to do. I had no misconceptions of going to Heaven or Hell. I hoped that maybe I would be able to float along in a plane of existence where I could watch Harry and Ron grow.

“Hermione open your eyes.”

That was Sirius’s voice. Aha, I was dead. I blinked them open slowly giving them time to adjust to the bright light. Sirius stood before me along with who I knew to be James and Lily Potter.

“I guess it worked.” I said not knowing what else to say. Sirius shook his head and gave me a rueful smile.

“You aren’t dead Hermione, only unconscious. I thought, however, this would be the perfect moment to talk to you. You’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, “I’m an idiot. Well at least I didn’t die by falling through a curtain. At least I didn’t leave Harry behind because I was too busy taunting my evil relative.”

“Calm down Hermione,” Sirius said soothingly taking a step forward.

“I will most certainly not calm down. Do you have any idea what your death did to Harry? He’s broken Sirius and there’s nothing I can do. This time I can’t fix things. I can’t bring you back to life and Merlin knows I’ve tried. I was even willing to do the soul switching spell, but I need your bloody body to do it.” I screamed at him. Tears were pouring down my face. I had to make him understand. Of course I knew Harry would never be the same again after Sirius’s death, but I never imagined he might actually die of heart ache because of it.

“You can fix it.” My eyes snapped to Lily Potter. She was beautiful. Like Ginny. I cast my eyes back down to the floor. “You need to go back to him. He’s waiting for you.”

“He loves Ginny.” I whispered.

“Is that what you think?” Sirius asked coming to stand in front of me. He raised my chin with his hand, forcing me to look at him, “Hermione, Harry has always loved you. He needs you more than he needs anyone.”

“He has Ron.”

“Don’t be stupid Hermione. I know it isn’t easy being abandoned and hiding it from your friends. But you must believe that Harry will never leave you.” Sirius said wiping a few stray tears from my cheeks.

“How do you know?”

“I just do.” I closed my eyes knowing that I would go back to him because Sirius believed he needed me so much. “Before you go there’s something I want you to tell him. Tell him I miss him and that I was wrong. He’ll understand. And tell Remus that one day we will all be reunited and until then he better get his arse into gear and marry Tonks.” I smiled and nodded.

“Hermione,” it was the first time James spoke and I was startled to find he sounded so similar to Harry, “keep him safe. Tell him we’re proud and he should never doubt that.”

***88888888***

“Hermione, Hermione I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but it’s me, Harry. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are by far perhaps the stupidest, intelligent witch I have ever met. Your life has more meaning than mine does. Why would you even fathom the possibility of throwing it away? If I weren’t so scared right now I’d kill you myself. I know I haven’t exactly been the easiest wizard to get along with these past couple of months. I’ve actually be quite horrible wallowing in all of my self pity. And I admit I even used you. I just wanted the pain to go away. All you ever did was love me.

But I realized something when you were missing. When I couldn’t find you and I knew, I just knew that Voldemort had taken you. I realized that I couldn’t function properly. I just had this uncontrollable rage inside of me. I had to get you back because I was nothing without you. I’ve always known that I loved you. I just never knew that I needed you. I didn’t know until you were gone. And then I’ll could think about was how I might never see you again and I thought surely this time I would die of heartache So I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I need you, Hermione. I need you to come back to me.” I heard a knock on the door and Harry told them to come in. I was fighting to open my eyes, move my lips, my fingers, my toes, anything. But all I could do was lay there and listen.

“How are you holding up Harry?”

“I don’t know Remus. I honestly don’t know.”

“You know Sirius used to say ‘what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger’. I think for once that he was right. You’ll pull through this and so will Hermione.”

“Does that mean if I had been weaker Sirius would still be alive and Hermione wouldn’t be lying in St. Mungo’s dying?” The anguish in his voice broke my heart. I tried one last time to speak and I did.

“Harry,” I croaked out. I felt his hand grip mine and both men breathed a sigh of relief, “Harry what happened?”

“Don’t worry about that right now love,” he told me smoothing down my hair and then kissing my forehead, “I’ll explain everything later.”

“There’s something I have to tell you Harry before I forget. I saw them.”

“Saw who?” he asked. His hand had moved to my cheek and he was gently stroking it. I struggled to open my eyes and I won.

“Sirius, your parents. They were there. Sirius wanted me to tell you that he misses you,” Harry’s eyes began to mist over with tears, “and he said, he said he was wrong. He said you’d understand.” Tears flowed freely now from his emerald eyes and he held my hand even tighter.

“I do understand Hermione.” He kissed me. It was gentle and soft, only the slight pressure of his lips against mine. And then I was back to staring into his beautiful eyes.

“Remus,” I said still staring at Harry.

“Yes?” he asked coming to stand behind Harry.

“Sirius had a message for you as well. He said that one day you will al be reunited. And now this is a direct quote so don’t kill the messenger ‘until then he better get his arse in gear and marry Tonks’.” Remus flushed bright red, but thanked me anyway. “Your dad Harry, he said he was proud of you. They both are and you should never doubt that. He also told me to keep you safe.” Remus had left the room by then. Harry bowed his head, resting his forehead on my stomach. I ran my finger though his hair as he sobbed. This was good for him. He needed to grieve. I don’t think he ever really grieved over the death of his parents, but it was about time he did it. “And this is a message from me Harry.” He lifted his head and looked at me, “I need you.”

“I need you to.” He whispered before capturing my lips in a kiss. I only want to make him happy. I am the smart one after all.