A Birthday Surprise

A Birthday Surprise

A/N and disclaimer - The Harry Potter Universe is the property of JK Rowling and various corporate entities and all recognizable elements thereof are their property. No copyright infringement is intended. A final disclaimer follows the story.

This story occurs almost six years after the Final Battle and is most definitely not Epilogue compliant. While mild to moderate Ron bashing occurs, no member of any endangered or allegedly extinct species were harmed in the writing of the fanfiction.

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Chapter One - Unexpected Company

1 March 2004 6:40 p.m. GMT near Otter Ferry, Scotland

The early evening quiet was broken by a loud knocking at the door.

“Who on earth could that be?”

“I'll get it.”

Bounding down the stairs, Harry Potter frowned slightly as the knocking on the front door of Peregrine House resumed. A bit more insistently than before, he shook his head in exasperation as he tried to figure out exactly who it might be.

Most of their mutual friends who knew of the house they'd bought on the west coast of Scotland were on the floo access list, though they'd set the floo tonight to restrict access to a very select list since they'd planned on staying in for the evening. Checking to see that he wasn't too inappropriately dressed, Harry frowned as he finished coming down the stairs

Arriving at the landing at the foot of the stairs, Harry jerked the door open just as the knocking resumed for a third time. And stared.

Standing there, blinking in the twilight of the late winter evening was Ron Weasley. A bit unsteady on his feet, his hand raised to knock again, he blinked at Harry several times with an annoyed look on his face before he smiled.

“Took you bloody long enough.”

“Ron.”

Staring at him, trying to remember the last time they had spoken civilly to each other and deciding that it was back in August, well before everything had gone pear-shaped, he smiled thinly.

“I must say, this is quite a surprise.” Standing flat-footed, Harry looked distinctly ill at ease.

“I'd ask you about being in the neighborhood, but since the nearest neighbors are muggles and live about four miles away, I don't think that's it at all.” Watching the red-haired wizard closely, Harry could see that he was a bit unsteady on his feet and looking more than a bit uncomfortable himself.

“Aren't you going to invite me in?” Looking past Harry and into the house, Ron was peering at what he could see of the house with marked interest.

“We were best mates for over twelve years. I'd hoped we could move past what happened after almost six months.”

“She caught you in bed with a seventeen year-old cheerwitch for Ballycastle. In her flat. In her bed. On her birthday, no less. I don't think that's something that just resolves itself over time.”

Feeling a slight movement of the air behind him, as if something or someone had come down the steps and then hearing the gentle rustle of fabric passing through the foyer, Harry smiled and nodded.

“Since you went to all of the trouble to come up to the wilds of Scotland, I suppose I should ask you in. If for no other reason than to hear you explain everything.”

“Thanks Harry, I knew I could count on you.” Shaking himself as he stepped through the door, Ron looked around appreciatively. “How long have you had this place? Bit out of the way, isn't it?”

Motioning towards the sitting room, Harry smiled a bit as he watched Ron look around.

“Since last fall, actually. I'd been thinking about finding a place to get away to for a while, and I ended up seeing the place late one night last September. Decided on the spot that it was just the place to get away to and get things together.”

Indicating the sofa, Harry waited until Ron seated himself before taking a seat on the arm of the overstuffed chair that flanked the gleaming piano by the bay window overlooking the loch.

“Didn't know you played.” Peering at the instrument with a bit of interest, Ron vaguely thought it looked familiar, but chalked that up to one muggle bit of furniture looking like the next regardless of what his father said.

“I don't, a close friend does.” Seeing that Ron wasn't really interested in that, Harry sighed.

“Not that I'm not surprised to see you, but exactly how did you manage to stumble across this place?”

“Stopped by Grimmauld Place looking for you. Wanted to see if you wanted to go out for a bit of something, see if we could scare up some company. Andromeda was leaving with Teddy when I came to the door. She mentioned you were away; Loch Fyne is what she said.”

Looking smug, Ron smirked at the `just get on with it' look on Harry's face.

“I checked with one of the beaters from the team who was from Scotland, he said that there was a floo connection in the pub down in the village, so I thought I'd pop up and rescue you from boredom here on the arse end of nowhere. If that village were any further away, it'd be in Ireland.” Shaking his head, he chuckled a bit, “Cost me almost ten galleons in drinks before I could get anyone down there to give me directions to your place.”

“Wasn't bored in the least, but at least you thought of me.” Smiling, Harry chuckled a bit at the look on Ron's face.

“Hey, we were friends for a long time, before all this nonsense with Herms started. I really couldn't see letting her keep us apart, and I thought it would be a good chance for the two of us to move on and see what we could get up to on my birthday.”

“Your birthday?” Looking just a bit surprised, Harry's eyes unfocused for a second as he thought back. “So it is. Thought you'd be at The Burrow tonight if you were anywhere.” Pausing for a second he added, “Outside a pub, of course.”

“That's another bloody thing she's effed up for me.” Scowling, Ron looked around the room. Seeing a picture of Harry and Hermione sitting together under `their' tree at the edge of Black Lake back at Hogwarts, he grimaced.

“Can you bloody believe that Ginny's still ranting about what happened when I broke up with her? And Mum's even worse.”

“Ron, I dated your sister for two years, off and on. Knowing her as I do, I don't think it at all strange to think she's still incensed you would treat her best friend so shabbily. And Molly's always had a soft spot in her heart for Hermione.” Holding up his hand before the ginger wizard could launch into a rationalization of what he did, Harry glared at him.

“And for the record, I seem to remember hearing that she most certainly dumped your arse, while she was sending you and that witch running into the night with a quartet of eagle owls in hot pursuit. Starkers.”

“Things were bad between us before that night, and you know it. She was totally impossible and I'd had enough of it. She wasn't supposed to be home that night, so getting caught like that wasn't even my fault. And you know I've never been able to remember her birthday, so that wasn't my fault either.”

“Let me get this straight, you shagging some witch barely old enough to not be in school in her bed was her fault?”

“Harry, you're not listening. My getting caught shagging that bit of fluff was Herms' fault. We were supposed to be off looking at some house at the arse end of nowhere that night. I begged off, and met Sal in the Leaky Cauldron. Took too long to take her back to my place in Chudley…”

“Let me guess, that translates as you both were too pissed to disapparate and you'd forgotten to leave the floo up when you left the house, so you decided to take her back to your girlfriend's flat.”

“Exactly. You're catching on to this right quick Harry.” Smirking, Ron looked around the room. “Something familiar about this place.”

“Ron, why did you track me down tonight?” Staring at his former best friend, Harry's expression was unreadable.

“No need to be harsh. You know what she was like. We're both better off rid of her and you know it.”

“Rid of her?” Staring at Ron in disbelief, Harry leaned back against the back of the chair.

“Yea. I know we haven't really had a chance to talk since before that night, and I understand you needed some time to get things straightened out. But we've both moved on with our lives and I think it's high time we start being mates again. It'll be like it was back in school, minus the constant nagging about revising for class of course.”

“Ron, I have moved forward, but I'm not certain that you're ready to start things over. I was best mate to both of you, remember?”

“Don't be ridiculous. We were friends before she came along. We'll be friends long after she's gone on to make some other blokes miserable.” Seeing that Harry was about to answer, Ron held up his hand.

“And she wasn't that broken up about me, regardless of what she tried to make people think.”

“Oh really? You talked to her after that night?”

“Not bloody likely. I still remember those birds.” Shuddering a bit, Ron closed his eyes. “One of the witches in her old office said that she took up with some wizard within days of what happened.”

“What?” Staring at Ron in disbelief, Harry suppressed the urge to just hex him out of hand and decided to hear him out.

“Hadn't heard that little gem, had you?” Looking smug, Ron continued. “You remember Romilda?” Seeing Harry's baffled nod, he smirked.

“She's mates with one of the birds that work over at Centaur Relations. Romilda was saying how her mate was going on about how her whole office was buzzing about it. Herms closed up her Kensington flat and moved in with some bloke before the weekend. So much for being all broken up over me.”

“She moved in with some bloke? She told you that?”

“She girlied it up, but that was the gist of it. Rescued by `Prince Charming' and all that rot. Was nattering on about how this `Prince Charming' just took over and moved her into his place. I didn't stick around long enough to hear the bloke's name, I was working on some bird from the Canadian Embassy that was leaving, so I didn't hear her finish the story, but it was pretty clear from what she was saying to Marietta that she didn't waste any time moving on.”

Leaning back and staring in disbelief, Harry's eyes were twinkling as he watched Ron for almost a minute. Ticking his head a bit to the side, as if he was listening to something, he started to smirk and then shook his head.

“Let me see if I understand this. The sum total of your knowledge of how your former girlfriend, former best mate, former lover is doing is some third-hand gossip between a couple of witches that probably didn't even realize you were eavesdropping on them.

“And based upon that in-depth research, you've come to the remarkably astute conclusion that Hermione just took up with some nameless bloke within days of catching you in bed with another witch?”

“I never understood why Ginny always said you were clueless about relationship stuff; you're catching on right quick. She was probably planning on tossing me over for this other guy but couldn't get the nerve up so she used the excuse that I was cheating on her to do it.”

“You were cheating on her. That witch certainly wasn't the first, and you know it. She was tired of waiting for you to grow up and stop chasing every skirt that would give you the time of day.”

“You have no clue what being with her was like. If you did you'd understand the why of it.” Shaking his head, Ron missed the look that Harry flashed him. If he had seen it, he certainly wouldn't have continued.

“Back when you and my sister were having problems, things were bad between us. She was impossible to please, so naturally I was a bit appreciative from time to time of when a witch realized I wasn't as thick as Herms constantly made me out to be.

“And your girlfriend wasn't any help. She couldn't keep things on track with you, and Hermione would feel compelled to jump into it. Here she was, supposed to be Gin's friend and she kept taking your side in things. I had to take Gin's side because Gin's family, but I knew how impossible she was. Remember that night in Oslo?”

“The night before your exhibition game with the Norwegian national team?” Seeing Ron's nod, Harry's eyes narrowed. “That was the night you were so nervous about the game, your first chance to start for the Cannons.”

“Yea, couldn't really get my head around the fact I was finally going to get a start. I was trying to tell you that night that you needed to find someone out of the spotlight if you wanted to get back with Gin. Things have changed just a bit since that night, but I still think the two of you could make a go of things. That'd get me off the hook with her.”

“All right, I'm totally lost. You think I should start seeing some witch on the side so I can get back together with your sister so she won't be mad at you for messing Hermione over?”

“I wouldn't put it like that, but you've got the basics.”

“And that's why you came up here tonight? “

“Thought we'd go out, celebrate a bit for my birthday. Find a couple of suitable birds and then I'd broach the whole Ginny thing tomorrow morning over breakfast after the birds were gone.”

“Didn't I read where you were seeing that singer from Vannin? The one Witch Weekly got those photos of you two on that beach?”

“She's over in America. Some sort of tour. Getting way too clingy. Spent the whole week before she left nattering about coming on tour with her. Stopping by Peel to meet her folks. Nonsense like that.” Chuckling at the look on Harry's face, he shrugged.

“Getting almost as bad as Herms was, most likely going to have to think about moving on after she gets back.”

“So you're asking me along to do some shopping for your next girlfriend?”

“Nah, think I've got a handle on that. This is just a bit of fun and fluff. From what I can tell, you haven't been out in months, figured it'd be a good way for us to start back in. We've certainly come a long way from that Yule Ball.”

“What happened?” Seeing the look on Ron's face, Harry tried to smile, but found he couldn't.

“That night, you were going mental because Hermione went to the ball with Krum. I thought you cared about the girl, that she was the one for you. Now…” Trailing off, Harry just shook his head at the confused look on Ron's face.

“What's the use?”

“She shouldn't have gone with him. If she was desperate to go, she should have talked to one of us, we could have found her someone.”

“Ron, if you'll remember we were the desperate ones. She had a date, Viktor Krum no less. We were still messing around trying to find a couple of witches who felt sorry enough for us to go. I still can't believe we treated the Patils that shabbily. I'm surprised either one ever spoke to us the rest of the year.”

“Always curious about that. You seemed really keen on going with Parv, what happened that night?”

Blushing, Harry ducked his head for a second, thinking. He finally looked back up, with a goofy lopsided grin.

“Hermione happened, Ron. She walked up down there outside the Great Hall and I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe I'd been that much of an idiot and not found my Gryffindor courage and asked her. After seeing her, I sort of was off track for the rest of the night. I apologized to Parv a couple of years ago, right before she and Dean got married.”

“You fancied Hermione?”

“Of course. Didn't really realize it at the time, until that night, but yea I did. I thought you fancied her from the way you were acting, so I never said anything.”

“Then what was that all about that night when we found the sword? I could have sworn the two of you were going at it behind my back before I left, didn't have much doubt about it while I was gone, but you said you didn't fancy her.”

“You'd just showed up out of the blue, I was desperate trying to think of something that wouldn't set you off again. Think about what I said that night, Ron.” Seeing the blank look on his face, Harry sighed. “I never had a sister you idiot.”

“No need to get testy about that. I'll gladly give you mine if that'll get her off my back.” Shaking his head, Ron watched Harry. “So you and Herms never…”

“She was always trying to make things work with you, and I didn't want to come between the two of you. If you'll remember, I'm the one she'd come to when she was crying about whatever it was you'd done. Kind of difficult to tell a witch you fancy her when she's crying her eyes out about how much of a tosser your mutual best mate was.” Shaking his head, he sighed.

“We wasted ten years because she thought the two of you could work things out and I thought you'd finally grow up enough to make her happy.”

“Wasted?”

The rest of Ron's question was lost when there was a rustling of fabric, and Hermione appeared in the chair behind Harry, Harry's cloak lying across the back of the chair in a pile of silver fabric.

“Yes Ronald. Wasted. As in I spent ten years thinking Harry couldn't possibly fancy me and that you actually cared about me. As in Harry spent ten years not saying anything and dating other people, including your sister, because he was certain I couldn't possibly fancy him. As in I spent almost a decade letting you treat me like shite because I thought you'd finally grow up someday.”

“Herms? Harry?” Speechless, Ron kept staring at first one and then the other. Whether seeing her for the first time in six months, the fact she was in Harry's house at all, or the fact she was apparently dressed only in one of Harry's old Gryffindor quidditch jerseys and leaning possessively on him would have left him speechless was hard to say, but the combination of all three definitely did a number on him.

“For the record, I didn't `take up' with some bloke the minute your back was turned. Harry tracked me down that night and brought me back home to Grimmauld Place because I was totally incapable of coping after what had happened.

“He took care of closing out my flat in London because I had no desire to ever step foot in that place again. He was my friend when I desperately needed one.”

“I can see that.” Looking disgusted, Ron glared at Harry. “And here I thought we were friends. Did you even wait for me to be out of sight before the two of you started?”

“Ron, she disapparated out of her flat in a sheer panic. The only good thing you did that night was let you sister know that Hermione was `a bit upset' with you. She came over to the flat and called me, the place looked like a cyclone had hit it. It took me four tries for Prongs to track her down, and I found her sitting out in the garden behind this house, crying her eyes out over you.”

“This was the place you wanted us to buy? And you're shacked up with Harry here?”

“Ron, this was the house I was looking at that night, but I realized you'd never go for it, which is why I cut the tour short and came home to spend the rest of my birthday with my boyfriend. Imagine my surprise when I find Crookshanks locked out of the flat and you in the bedroom shagging some witch who should have been studying for her NEWTS.”

“And you totally overreacted like always.”

Glaring defiantly at the two, Ron jumped up and began pacing back and forth.

“That was just part of how you always jumped to conclusions that I wasn't good enough for you. You never thought I was good enough for you, your father didn't, and your mother certainly didn't. Every time I went to the house it was `Harry this' and `Harry that'.” Whirling around, he turned and faced the two.

“And then, the moment my back was turned, you're shagging the `Boy Who Lived'. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Silence reigned for almost a minute. Harry and Hermione looked at each other and she quirked an eyebrow at him. Seeing Harry's slight nod, she turned back to Ron.

“Do I have anything to say for myself,” she asked in a dangerously calm voice.

“Yea, I'd really like to hear you explain yourself, half-dressed and hanging all over Harry like that. You two are unbelievable.”

Moving her hand in a circle, a small box wrapped in black and silver foil appeared in her hand. Hefting it a couple of times, she smiled and tossed it towards him.

“Happy Birthday Ronald.”

Gobsmacked, Ron caught the box without thinking. Which he knew to be a mistake when the package flashed a blue-green light and that hook through the navel feeling let him know he was going somewhere via portkey.

The sitting room disappeared in s swirl of lights and he found himself falling into a small decorative pond behind the house. Stark naked.

Struggling to stand up in the shallow water with its muddy bottom, he fell a couple of times before he reached the edge and was standing there, dripping wet.

Hearing laughter, he looked up to see Harry and Hermione standing in the back door of the cottage. Harry trying not to laugh and Hermione not having the decency to keep from laughing.

“That's just great. We were best mates for years and this is what I get?”

“Ron, no it's not.” Shaking her head, Hermione held up her hand and her wand appeared.

“That was just to get you out of our house. This is your birthday present.”

Pointing her wand at him, she made a peculiar circular motion with it and intoned, “Avis cygnus falconeri!”

A large silver cloud appeared between the pair and Ron. Suddenly a loud hissing was heard as a swan charged out of the cloud. A bloody gigantic swan. With a wingspan of almost ten feet and it's head over six feet above the ground, the enraged bird began charging at the red-haired wizard, hissing and creating a horrendous racket as it flapped its massive wings.

Taking one look at the massive avian, Ron turned and began running in the opposite direction, back towards the village stark naked. Screaming incoherently he disappeared into the gathering twilight of the Scottish night.

“Even if she catches him, she'll be popping back to the preserve on Malta in five or six minutes so she's unlikely to do him any permanent harm.”

Taking Harry by the arm, she rose up on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.

“I'm not even going to ask.” Rolling his eyes, Harry smirked at the screams that were fading into the twilight.

“Giant swan, they're supposed to be extinct, but the wizarding culture on the Maltese islands have kept them and a couple of other unique species alive and out of sight.”

“And it won't hurt him?”

“She Harry. I never said she wouldn't hurt him, I said she probably wouldn't have a chance to do him any permanent harm. Swans are herbivores, you know. She won't eat him if that's what you're worried about.”

Taking Harry's arm, she steered him back into the house, gently shutting the door behind her with a wave of her wand.

“His real present is going to be when he runs screaming into the common room of the Silver Athame down in the village.”

“They know he was coming up here to see us, doesn't this guarantee we'll be disturbed again?”

Kissing her on her forehead, Harry started chuckling at the look in her eyes. “What?”

“Caitlan knows we're celebrating tonight. If she doesn't let him borrow a cloak and use the floo to leave, they'll put him up in a room until tomorrow. We've been interrupted enough for one night. I believe we were about to celebrate our four month anniversary before we were so rudely interrupted.”

Wrapping his arms around Hermione, Harry began kissing her. Putting her arms around his neck, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist.

When they finally broke the kiss, she whispered breathily in his ear. “Harry, take me upstairs. Now.”

“Bossy little know-it-all.” Smirking, Harry began walking towards the stairs. “Remind me again why you didn't just do this back when we were in school.”

“Hush you. All that matters is that you're mine to boss around now.”

“We'll see.” As they climbed the stairs, Harry stopped for a second.

“Did you learn that trick on your trip to Malta last spring?”

Eyes twinkling, she smirked and then teased his ear with her teeth.

“Kingsley sent me down there to assist with finding that raptor that had gone missing. Took me a couple of days to track down the smuggler that had the bird. The director of the wildlife sanctuary was so grateful that she showed me a variation on my trusty bird spell for when I needed a bit more authority. I modified the spell fabric a bit so the birds are returned to their sanctuary after a short bit of time. Why?”

Shaking his head, he whispered in her ear as they finished climbing the stairs and headed for their bedroom, “Always knew finding the Maltese Falcon would payoff in the end.”

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A/N Two - The Maltese Falcon is the property of Dashiell Hammett and, the movies, one of the same corporate entities referenced above.

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