Nemo

AN: Hello! Finally. I’m in portkey. This story was originally written in fanfiction, under the same pen name. So yeah, I wanted to finally write here so I I hope you enjoy this guys if you haven’t read this yet. This is my proof-readed version of the same story.

Must Read: In this AU story, Harry has a normal life since Voldemort does not exist. This is how he and Ron would have met Hermione and their experiences together if circumstances for Hermione were different. I must warn you this is quite long and you must be patient. I also suck at romances and I know how readers love fluffiness. But please be patient with me.

Disclaimer: I Don’t Own HARRY POTTER and all its franchise.

XXX

There’s this airy presence inside of me…

I feel as though I’m floating above the grass…

I’m trapped in a lush forest…

There’s a blue sky hanging over my head…

And the translucent sunlight makes the running water in the river sparkle like crystals...

I knew from the beginning that I did not belong in this world…

Or just maybe…

I still haven’t found a home in it…

Over time I’ve grown to accept my restless wandering, until one day it happened…

He happened…

XXX

I have been living in a Forest …

I have been wandering in it for five winters now and I know that it was beautiful here, my dear and sweet forest of Dean.

There was an old cabin in this vast timberland, it was just across the river, and I have made it into my little sanctuary. Inside it was a simple home. It was nothing much, it was quite dusty and dirty even, but I have found solace in the fact that it held two bookcases each filled with books.

I could touch objects but I couldn’t hold on for long, sooner or later they would slip through my fingers like a gush of running water. But despite this impairment, I was at ease with the knowledge that I can flip through the pages of books, at least I am allowed that much of a luxury.

I knew how to read. Though I know not how I came about to acquire such a skill…

Don’t mistake me for a genius. Reading was quite hard for me at first; since there were words which were foreign to me I learned them through looking up those words in dictionaries.

Such treasure words are...

Books kept me grounded and entertained…

When I’m bored though, I take leisure walks around the woods. Sometimes, I see families here in my forest and they would be picnicking by the river or setting up a camp. When I see them though, I hide behind the trees. I did not want to scare them, or maybe it is I who am scared.

Later on I would discover that they could not see me. I continue to hide nonetheless; maybe out of habit.

I stay and watch them unknowingly still. They all seemed so happy that it hurt for me to see them so. They reminded me so much of my loneliness; that I was alone. No one seems to see me or know of my existence. I was invisible to the world.

Truly, I did not know why I keep coming back here by the river if it brings me nothing but pain.

But even so, I still like to stay near people...

I would listen to them talking and sometimes I would learn a lot of things since I enjoyed hearing their conversations immensely. I often wished that I could partake in some of the more interesting debacles that I have heard. Trust me, it was hard to keep mum.

But I knew I belonged to silence, quiet, still and unchanged; like my forest.

XXX

One day, as I was sitting by the river banks, I saw a golden sparkling thing catching my eye.

It flickered about and its soft clicking and brushing sound brought a faint music in this serene place. Fascinated, I tried to seek it with my eyes, was it some kind of a flying insect? After some time I thought I just imagined it, but then I saw it again!

It was beautiful, like a flying golden ball and slowly I realized that it was nearing me…

It truly was a flying golden ball!

Then I heard a zooming sound and when I looked up, I thought I was looking at really green leaves. It took me a second to realize that those were emerald irises. And just like that I was lost for words; I did not know what to say to the creature that lay before me.

Finally, as if remembering his purpose, he grabbed the sparkling thing from above my head and he spoke…

“Hi…” was what he had said, with a boyish grin as he rubbed the back of his head, messing his ebony looks even more and pushed his rounded spectacles back up. He looked to be about my age…

It was then that I realized that he was floating, and between his legs was a nicely polished broom. Was I seeing a floating broom?

“Um… Hello?” I answered back uncertainly and his grin widened, brightening up his young face. He flew beside me and finally hopped off his broom and held his hand in front of me. I looked at him quite puzzled, why was he offering me his hand?

“I’m Harry, Harry Potter and you are?”

Did he just ask me my name? Who was I? I didn’t know…

I don’t remember…

“Uhm, just a nobody…” I told him instead and he looked at me quite disbelievingly, until his face broke into a joyous laughter. Why was he laughing?

“Well okay… nobody. So why didn’t you shake my hand?”

“Was I supposed to?” I asked him quite seriously he just stared at me again in disbelief but he must have found me amusing for he laughed once more…

“You know you’re really funny…”

“Thanks, if that was a compliment. Anyway, what are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m here with my parents. We just bought a house a kilometre away from here. I came here because of my snitch. You see, I was playing with it and somehow it lead me here. Hey, are you magical too? You don’t seem like a Muggle to me.”

Magical? Was that what I was?

I knew I wasn’t normal but was I magical? And what was a Muggle? The dictionary held no such word.

“I don’t know… and what is a Muggle?”

“A Muggle is a non-magic folk. Well, what do you know? Can you tell me more about yourself?” He asked me once more and I just shrugged.

“Not much. Just that I’ve been here since forever, or at least that’s what I think. Are you real? Or am I just imagining you?”

“I know I’m real… how about you are you real?”

“Yes, maybe, I honestly don’t know.”

“You know… you seem to be about my age… how old are you anyway?”

“I don’t know either, but as far as I can remember, I’ve been living here for five summers now. How about you? How old are you?"

“Eleven, my birthday was yesterday. I’m about to leave soon though, to the most magical place! Well, at least that’s what I am told.”

“Where are you going?” I asked him curiously. The sparkle in his eyes as he spoke about this so called magical place made me wonder if such a magical place did exist, and maybe, just maybe that was the place where I belonged to.

“It’s a school called Hogwarts! My parents learned magic there. I’m excited to use my wand, make new friends and maybe see my best friend Ron again. I mean I’ve seen him yesterday, but like what my dad always says a day is always better spent with a friend. Have you been to a school?”

“No, but I would love to. I think learning new things would be fascinating! But I’m sort of in a dilemma, I can’t seem to get out of this place. Do you think you can help me?”

“I don’t know if I can, but anything’s possible with magic! Should I call my parents? They’re brilliant wizards and they don’t have to worry about underage magic, they might be able to help you…”Harry had offered eagerly.

“Um, I don’t know think it’s a good idea for me to meet them now, maybe I should just remain a secret. It’s safer if it’s just you who knows about me.”

“Why?”

“Nothing, I’m just not ready to be known…”

“Well, is there any other way that I can help you?”

“Well, there is one thing. Do you love books?”

“Uhm, I have plenty at home and I think they’re fascinating. Mum always buys me loads, most I haven’t even touched. But to be honest, I rather like playing Quidditch with my dad more than reading. Much to my mum’s disappointment…” Harry added the last part quite jokingly, and for some odd reason, I smiled too. It must be nice to have a family.

“Well, if it’s not much trouble can I borrow some? I’m running low on reading materials. That is if that’s alright with you….”

“Of course...I’ll be here tomorrow and bring you loads, have you any preferences?”

“None, absolutely anything will do. Thank you.”

“No problem.” Harry smiled at me once again and I realized that I’m beginning to like seeing him smile.

The rest of the day was spent with us talking with one another…

I showed him around the forest including my rundown cabin and he told me more about himself and his life. As he was talking I found myself envying him…

I wish I was magical.

That was our first meeting, and up until now I silently thank his snitch for bringing him to me.

I thought I would forever remain alone but somehow, someway when no one seemed to notice a thing...

He found me, my dear, sweet and first friend.

XXX

Harry kept his promise to me.

He came the next day; he was riding his broom with a beaded sling bag draped over his shoulder. I laughed at him since I was quite sure that the bag he carried was not for boys.

“Don’t laugh, I’m doing this for you remember?” he told me then as he tried to sound offended, but despite his efforts to act so, I can see the mirth playing behind those emerald eyes of his…

I learned from him that the bag was his mother’s. It was bottomless with a charm placed on it for it to weight featherlike. He brought me about thirty books; an assortment of magical and non magical books; most of them textbooks. All I wanted to do at the time was to read them.

I wanted to hug him and to show him how grateful I was. But instead, I just gave him a smile.

He tried to offer me a magical candy; a chocolate frog is what he called it. But before I could touch it, it escaped and hopped down the forest trail. Harry seemed disappointed that I wasn’t able to eat it. I told him that I really didn’t mind and that I wasn't really hungry, and what’s more I didn’t really eat too.

He seemed surprised with my confession, his face contorted into a frown as if he was thinking deeply; he looked as if he wanted to ask me a question. In the end he seemed to have changed his mind. He didn’t ask me a thing after that and for the rest of the afternoon we played hide and seek.

Harry wanted to show me his house, and as he proposed this I could not help but look away. He seemed so excited at the prospect of us going that I could not bear to disappoint him, but I knew he deserved the truth. I told him that I could not go beyond to the other side of the river for some unknown force keeps holding me back.

He looked sad for a moment but I know he wasn't sad for himself.

After a few days, Harry finally left for Hogwarts. But before he could leave, he did promise he would be back for the holidays and visit me. I was sceptical at first; I fear he won’t be able to keep his promise. There was this nagging feeling inside of me, telling me that there was this great possibility of him forgetting about me. But still, I managed to smile and told him I would just be waiting for him. Before he left he asked me if he could call me Nemo, since it meant no one or nobody.

I agreed, despite me not really liking the name.

If I had a name I imagine it to be more poetic...

XXX

The months seemed to drag on longer than normal for me. Despite the new books that surrounded me and kept me entertained, I couldn’t get my mind off of Harry, I hope he was thinking of me too. I hope he spared even a second to remember me, to think of me as I was thinking of him too.

Through the first year books he lent me I feel as if I was closer to him. Despite us being miles apart…

Among all the books Harry has lent me ‘Hogwarts A History’ was my favourite.

I learned more about Harry’s school from reading it. I feel as If I too was there with him. I was thinking of asking for his revised edition of it when he comes back, since I was currently reading the copy of his father.

He said his mum was really privy in regards to her books; and Harry needed his revised edition while his dad’s books just collected dust in their attic so most of my magical books were owned by Harry’s father.

The book was brilliant, but I’m pretty certain there would have been changes by now. Oh, how I would flip through its pages and try to imagine the great hall and its enchanted ceiling, I often would dream about entering its library and finding an assortment of books, oh, I hope the school will be as wonderful as I imagine it to be.

It made me wish...I hope I get a chance to visit it someday.

XXX

When Holidays finally arrived, Harry did come and visit.

He brought me new books. He told me they went shopping for Christmas and that when he and his mum went to a bookshop he figured he might as well buy me books. He bought me textbooks and I was thankful for those informative books were really the kind of books I loved to read. I was immensely grateful but I also felt genuinely guilty. I didn’t have a present for him. He brushed off my distress and claimed that he had everything he could ask for, so I did not need to worry, and that having a new friend was the perfect present for him.

He told me of his school experiences; of how he got into Gryffindor and became the youngest seeker of the century and how proud his dad was while his mum was driving him mental with her constant worries about him playing and her always asking him to do well in his studies. He also told me about his new friends and a professor named Severus Snape who was giving him loads of trouble in school. He even told me how he and Ron hated a git named Malfoy.

Among other things he also told me that he suspected that I could be a ghost.

I did not consider it as an option before, not once has that notion ever crossed my mind, but maybe I was indeed a ghost…

What puzzled him though, and what made him doubt that I was a ghost was that I could touch objects even if for only a small moment. But still, there was the fact that I was almost translucent to his eyes and that I felt cold to him whenever our skin touched. I just shrugged at him in reply when he said these; I didn’t really know what to feel about his observation during that time.

After that he asked me if he could bring Ron with him the next time he visits me since Ron was going to stay with him for a week and that he wanted us to meet each other. I told him that if this Ron wanted to meet me then it’s alright. Harry beamed at my answer.

That night as I lie in my cabin alone once more I begun to seriously think about what Harry said. I could not deny the possibility that I was indeed a ghost. Slowly, I have begun to accept my truth.

XXX

Finally, I got to meet Harry’s best friend.

Ron at first found me creepy, but he too shared Harry’s opinion, he also thinks that I might be a ghost. I found him annoying for always teasing me, and we fought often times with Harry as our mediator, but slowly we grew out of our mindless bickerings and I grew to like him as well.

I wasn’t lonely anymore…

I finally had friends.

XXX

Harry and Ron would visit me during Summer and Christmas Holidays. I knew all about them by then and I even help them with their Summer and Christmas assignments and even teach them how to correctly pronounce their spells.

While Harry and Ron were away, I would be reading the same course work they were reading too. After all, James’ books were still essentially the same with Ron’s and Harry’s books. And that’s how I became helpful to them. I was happy because somehow I felt like I was able to repay all their kindness by my helping them with their academics.

I enjoy teaching my friends, I am quite aware though that sometimes I get into their nerves with my constant nagging, but in the end I know they appreciate my efforts in trying to help them academically.

Sometimes though, Ron would tell me jokingly how I would have been the smartest witch in their year and how much I would have been found stuck in the library than in a forest; that is if I was a witch and went to school with them. I knew Ron meant well but as he said those things I could not help but feel sadness and disappointment envelope me.

I could not go to school and I could not be with them. What was the point of all my knowledge when I can’t even have a wand, I couldn’t even see Harry play Quidditch; the one sport he and Ron always talked so highly of? And the saddest part of it all, I wouldn’t be able to see the library.

I’ve read from Hogwarts A History how massive and wonderful the library seemed like. Oh, how I dream of being in there. How I imagine myself smelling old parchment and ink, and how I long to run my fingers against each leather spine, even if I wouldn’t be able to hold on to it for too long. Certainly, I wouldn’t mind being a ghost in Hogwarts library.

Well at least, due to my love of learning I’m helpful to my friends when it comes to their summer and Christmas homework. That at least eases my mind that all of my studying was not for naught.

During Harry’s and Ron's visits I would ask them if their parents ever worried about them, both the boys reassured me that they have told their parents that they were just playing Quidditch in the forest. Sometimes Ron would ask Harry if he could bring his little sister and some of their friends the next time they went and to visit me.

Harry would just look at me uncertainly during those times and I will hold his gaze as well. And after a small moment I would look down ashamed of my cowardliness.

Harry would then turn to Ron and say...

"Not now Ron, not yet...Nemo's not ready."

And I was grateful; Harry and I needed no words to understand the other. The thought made me smile, I was fortunate that I had a friend that knew me so well.

In the end I decided that I did not want anyone aside from the both of them to know about me. I was relieved when my two best friends respected my wishes.

I love the two of them so much; they truly were all that I had.

XXX

When Harry and Ron were away for their fourth year I was once again left alone. But over the years I have grown used to it almost like a routine. Besides, I knew when Christmas comes they’ll be back again.

I waited for the two of them by the river, the day after Christmas since that was the time and place we have agreed to meet since forever.

For some reason though, both of them did not come that day.

I tried to wait patiently and thought of many scenarios and reasons why they could not have been present. As night drew near I saw two figures approaching our rendezvous. I was about to show myself and reprimand the both of them when I realized the figures didn’t belong to Harry and Ron. I hid behind the trees once more, as I wait patiently for the two figures to depart my lonesome forest.

I kept quiet and waited patiently for the shadows to disappear. After all, the night was cold and the coldness was also intensified because it was the season of snow. I knew for a fact that the two figures were bound to head back from where they’ve come from. But of course, they could be wizards like Harry and Ron and would have casted warming charms upon themselves or their clothes.

“So, Tommy you wanted to talk?” I heard the feminine voice asked. I peered a little from my hiding place and saw that they were a young couple. One was a girl and the other was a boy. The girl looked stunning with her silvery blonde hair curled perfectly and falling delicately around her shoulders and her white winter jacket also fitted her quite snuggly that she looked like an angel bathed in snow’s soft embrace. The boy on the other hand had jet black hair and kept himself warm with his black winter coat. He was handsome too, but he had his shoulders slumped as if he was carrying a heavy load over his shoulders.

“Lizzie…well…I, I don’t know how to say it.” The boy said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, you know you can tell me anything Tommy. After all we have been best friends since we were in our nappies.” The girl teased the boy. The tease seemed to have eased some of the tension surrounding the two of them as they laughed at some sort of an inside joke that I could not understand. Suddenly, the boy grew quiet and the joyful atmosphere was no more.

“Well, the thing is... I’m leaving soon.” The boy said quite sadly and Lizzie looked quite disappointed.

“Leaving? Why?”

“I was offered a scholarship at a university. So after our senior year ends, I’m moving to America.”

“Oh, well, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you.” Lizzie said as she threw her arms around Tommy but for some unknown reason I knew she wasn’t happy.

“Well, there’s something I would like to ask of you.” Tommy said as Lizzie finally released him from her hug.

“What is it?”

“You know how Jill and I have been going steady for the year?”

“Well, it's hard to miss.”

"I was wondering if you’ll help me plan something for her. I want to break the news to her gently but I also want her to associate my leaving with a good memory so I was wondering if you’ll help me plan a really good dinner date for the two of us. Please, I really want to make this special for her."

“Oh, um, well of course…I would be glad to Tommy. I’ll do anything for you; I thought you knew that by now.” Lizzie said, albeit quite sadly and I’m surprise Tommy doesn’t notice. They talked for a few more minutes before they decided to head back and I breathe a sigh of relief at their departure.

However, I could not help but feel sad for Lizzie. Tommy was leaving her and what’s worse, it was apparent that he was breaking her heart as he did so, but he seemed to be oblivious.

It must be sad to lose one's best friend. God knows how much I dreaded the day when the two boys would finally tell me their goodbyes.

I headed to my old cabin to sleep. I knew Harry and Ron won’t be coming tonight.

For the first time, I worried about Lizzie and how she felt at that moment more than the absence of my best friends.

XXX

I was surprised, however when I saw both Harry and Ron waiting for me by the river the next day.

I learned from the two of them that they were held back because of the Yule ball which was celebrated during the Christmas Holidays. They chatted animatedly about the excitement of the Triwizard tournament that made up for the lack of Quidditch. But Ron did say something about being torn between his loyalty to the school and loyalty to his idols.

Apparently, Cedric Diggory who was a friend of theirs was Hogwarts' champion but a certain Viktor Krum whom I was told by Ron as the ‘greatest seeker in the world’ was also the Drumstrang's champion, and lest I forget and I do quote Ron ‘ the most beautiful girl since Helen of Troy’ seemed to be quite promising as well; Fleur Delacour the beauty was Beauxbaton's champion. All in all it seemed Ron was having trouble in choosing which horse to bet his galleons on. Truly, boys and their ridiculous vices!

But he also whined about how boring the Yule ball was and that their dates; the lovely Patil twins wanted to dance throughout the night and that their feet hurt so much afterwards as they chose to become gentlemen and politely accepted their invitations. As Ron put it “Well, they’re both one of the prettiest girls in the school so of course we could put up with them.”

As Ron said this I was furious, just because one is pretty one can get away with anything? What a positively superficial and immature way of thinking...

I mean really, come on!

Luckily, Harry was there to stop us from starting a war. Besides, I missed them too much to want to ruin our Christmas together.

So I decided to be the mature one and let the matter slide for awhile, as I'm sure we can find another day to continue our debate.

“Well I’m pretty sure if you were there then it wouldn't have been so bad. Who knows, maybe Ron or I would have asked you to be our date instead." Harry told me with a grin. I couldn’t help but blush as he said this.

It made me realized that I have never blushed at anything that Harry had said before. Of course I did not want to dwell on something so trivial such as getting flustered. I was quite thankful for being a ghost so he won’t have to see my cheeks redden, because really, a blushing ghost is unheard of.

The rest of the day was spent by us three laughing, chatting, and catching up. I was happy I had my friends again. And at that moment it was just the three of us; together at the Forest of Dean.

XXX

The summer before their fifth year was the summer when things slowly changed between us three. ..

Harry and Ron grew a lot taller and due to Quidditch and they developed well defined bodies and I had to admit the two of them were now good looking blokes. Ron was the goofy handsome guy next door type while Harry looked quite mysterious with his messy midnight hair and piercing green eyes hidden behind those round spectacles of his. I had to come to terms that the two of them grew up quite nicely, but surprisingly so did I.

I didn’t notice it, not until Harry commented about it.

The three of us were picnicking in the forest. Only Ron and Harry were eating and I just sat with them. We were just laughing and talking about nothing in particular when Harry suddenly blurted out.

“You know Nemo, I haven’t really commented about it before but isn’t it funny that your hair seems to be really long? And you’re also growing taller too and I don’t know but you also seem to…I really don’t know how to say it…you became more feminine.”

At first I looked at him quite confused and wondered what he was talking about. The three of us never really did talk about looks with one another. Besides, why would I care about my looks when I was but a ghost? A pulse rather than beauty would be of more use to me. I however did know that I had long bushy and curly brown hair and brown eyes. I also knew I was a girl so I was completely puzzled by what he meant by me being more feminine, that was until Ron clarified it for me.

“What Harry means to say is that you seem to have a nice pair of bosoms developing there.” I was completely aghast, and I felt humiliated as Ron said these. No one ever told me such things! I was scandalized. But then I had to remind myself I only ever talked to these two boys after all, I should not over react lest I lose my only friends by offending them.

“Ron! Apologize to Nemo. You don’t tell a lady these things. At least not that blunt.” Harry tried to tell Ron but Ron as usual brushed off his concern, but he did apologize none the less.

“Well we can’t really expect Ron to be tactful now can we Harry?” I said while eyeing Ron quite teasingly, Ron just glared at me but continued to devour his chicken. I'm starting to think that maybe chicken did taste good just by looking at the way Ron eats them, but then I would be losing my appetite by looking at him eating even though in actuality I do not have one.

“Yeah, maybe I should just give up in teaching him tact.” Harry joined the teasing.

“It’s not funny you guys!” Ron said, but the three of us just laughed.

“Well, to answer Harry’s question, I haven’t really felt anything new and besides, how was I supposed to know I was developing…um…feminine attributes I don’t own a mirror plus the river isn’t really that helpful either.

“Well you are a ghost, isn’t it unusual that you’re aging like us?” Harry asked me and I looked at him curiously. He did have a point, why was I aging?

“Well if you ask me, I think that if Nemo wasn’t a ghost some blokes might ogle her, after all, her feminine attributes seem to be developing quite well.”

“Honestly Ron!” I gasped. Harry just laughed though.

“Well, if she wasn’t a ghost, those guys would have to go through us, right Ron?” Harry had proposed.

“Absolutely, she’s practically our surrogate sister.”

When Ron called me a surrogate sister I have forgotten that I was offended by him, as he said those words I was completely numb to all emotion except for happiness; I genuinely felt happy at that moment. I felt like I was going to break from holding so much happiness inside of me...

He thought of me like a sister. He thought of me like family. I’m so happy, I had a family. I did not know that I had begun crying as I thought of this, I only realized this when Ron’s and Harry’s shadows hovered above me and trying to comfort me.

“Nemo, are you alright?” Harry had asked me with concern filling his voice.

“Never better.” I told him honestly.

And I knew at that moment that these two boys will always be my family. And I promised to myself that I will always be there for them. Forever.

XXX

Before Harry and Ron left that year they brought me interesting books. They bought me romance novels unlike the more factual, scientific, or magical textbooks they usually bring me. I was surprised and a little disappointed. I never did enjoy fiction, although the magical textbooks might be considered as such.

What do I need romance novels for? I mean the Greek mythology book Harry bought me two years back already had romance in it and the way they depicted it, I can honestly say made me doubt the necessity of this so called kind of love. But I was also curious as to what those books held so I accepted them gratefully.

I did ask them what compelled them to buy me such books and they replied that those were what girls their age usually read and they just thought that maybe I would like them too. If I did not remember that they will feel cold if I touched them I could have tried to hug the two of them for their thoughtfulness. Even though I did not like the books the thought alone behind those gifts made me so grateful to have them as my friends.

The romance novels were a bad idea. I didn’t realize it until I was already on my third novel. They were making me think a lot about romance and love. Was I supposed to feel raging hormones despite being a ghost? I began to imagine what it would be like to kiss someone. To feel someone’s arms around me…comfort me…love me...

I begun to be more depressed as the days progressed. Those bloody books, they made me realize I will never have those things. I was a ghost…I won’t get to be kissed, hugged or touched and it was unfair.

I was lonely. I wished more and more that I wasn’t a ghost. I wish I was just dead and in another life where I did not have to envy the living just for being alive. They were so lucky. They could do a lot of things. Being a ghost sucked. Yes, I did not worry about paying bills and getting a job or even sicknesses like a lot of people but I am trapped in an existence that seem to have no purpose, I can’t eat, I can’t hold on to something, I can’t be touched, I won’t get kissed and I can’t love…

No one is meant to be a ghost just as much as no one is meant to live forever.

It made me realized how much I wanted a life, how much I wanted to be alive, how much I wanted to live...

XXX

Finally, Christmas Holidays came and Harry and Ron were back once more. I was so happy. We spent the day like we always did, catching up. Night crept and it was time for them to leave as twilight slowly neared but I was surprised when Harry had asked to stay behind and told Ron to go ahead of him.

“Why don’t you go home now?” I asked Harry.

He just grinned at me and went inside my cabin gesturing for me to follow suit. Quite puzzled, I followed him inside, as I got in I saw him open his mum’s beaded bag and took out an object from within it and hanged it on my walls. It wasn’t small but it wasn’t quite large either.

“What is that Harry?”

“Well, that’s a mirror. Mum was trying to buy new furniture yesterday when I saw a pair of mirrors. I thought I should buy it for you. That is no ordinary mirror we can communicate with one another through it, I have its pair…it’s smaller so I can carry it with me. That way you can talk to Ron and me while we’re away in Hogwarts. I feel so stupid for not thinking of this sooner.” Harry told me quite shyly.

“Oh, Harry…” I was speechless I was really so touched by the thoughtfulness of his gift…I did not realize I was crying again.

“You know I would hug you right now if only I wouldn’t be able to cause you discomfort.” I told him honestly between my sobs.

“I know Nemo, I would love to hug you as well.” He told me quite sadly I know he must pity me…

I haven’t really complained about my being a ghost when my friends were around but I suspected that Harry knew how much it’s hurting me that I’m this way, that I’m a ghost.

“Come here…” Harry called me as he gesture for me to step near him…

The night was nearing but it was still quite bright outside my cabin.

“Nemo…I want you to look at your reflection…” Harry told me.

“Why?” I asked as I stepped in front of him, he grinned at me and gestured for me to turn around and face the mirror. I did as I was told and my back was to him…I can see my almost translucent figure…it was the first time I’ve seen my face quite clearly.

I was…slightly thin, I had a heart shape face but my check bones were hollow, I had a very thick and wild curly brown hair and my eyes were a deep set of brown. At least I seem to have a nice button nose and thick lashes and a nice pair of eyebrows. Well, I guess I looked okay, I didn’t really think I was a beauty after all. What use is beauty to me when I am but a ghost?

“See that girl in the mirror? That’s you.” Harry told me.

“Yeah…I know Harry, I know that’s me.” I said sadly looking down at my feet.

“Good. Now you see how beautiful you look like.” Harry told me in a tone I did not recognize. I look up suddenly, and I felt quite dizzy, Harry has never told me I was beautiful. I rolled my eyes in amusement.

“Oh, please…I maybe a ghost Harry but I’m not blind…If I was alive I’d still look quite plain. But thank you for trying to make me feel better.”

“If you were alive you’d have...” Harry begun, I knew he will attempt to flatter me again. I could not help but laugh at his poor attempt to make me blush.

“Oh please…I know you think I’m ugly…”

“I don’t think you’re ugly.” Harry said firmly this time. Quite sincerely he had said those words to me. I may not believe his words of me being beautiful but I believe him when he said he did not thought of me as ugly.

“I bought you a mirror so that I can see you and talk to you whenever I want to…because you are important and special to me, because you are my best friend. I also bought you a mirror so that you might, just might get to see what I see in you.”

I smiled at him, despite the hurt that I felt right then and there. How I desperately wanted to hug him…kiss him even…but I could not.

“Harry, thank you. You're my best friend too...” I told him sincerely, though I feel it’s not enough it’s the only thing I could give him in exchange for every kind thing he has done for me.

“You know what Nemo, I think Nemo doesn’t suit you. You're too special to be a nobody.”

“Finally! The git realizes what a stupid name he’s given me.” I said in mock exasperation.

“Hey, that hurt!” Harry told me as he rubbed his chest as if it was truly hurting.

“Nemo, why do you think you don’t remember anything? Not even your name and why do you age? The ghosts at Hogwarts don’t age and they remember who they were. Do you think… do you suspect that maybe you’re not a ghost?”

“Oh, Harry… I honestly don’t know. I wouldn’t want to get my hopes up… It’s true its unusual for me to age… but I also exhibit qualities present in a ghost.”

“I hope you’re not ghost. I’m praying that someday you will be like me too.” Harry told me with determination in his eyes. He said those words as if he wanted it to be true just as much as I did.

Silence filled the space between us. But unlike all the comfortable silence that the two of us have always shared, I knew at that moment that this silence was akin to the calm before the storm. It was a danger. I felt like an intruder treading on foreign ground, but despite the risky aura that enveloped around us, I also feel as though it is worth the risk. Unfortunately, Harry spoke once more and the reverie was broken.

“Hey you know what… there’s a couple moving into the neighbourhood by next year. I think my parents know the couple. They said the couple used to own our house but they had to move to the city to take care of their daughter or something…they according to my parents just bought a house near here because they felt that if they move back here, maybe their daughter would heal.”

“Well that’s quite sad for them. I hope their daughter does heal.”

The moment was lost and I sensed he knew it too.

XXX

The two days before New Year’s Harry, Ron and I gathered in the meadows to play hide and seek…

Ron as usual was complaining that I was at the advantage; not only did I know every stone and tree in the forest but there was also the fact that I was so adept at hiding too, and need I mention about my physical form?

Harry just laughed and told Ron to man up, and Ron just replied…

“It’s easy for you to say Harry, you’re not the seeker this time.” And Harry and I just laughed while Ron continued to complain that it would be past lunch time by the time he finds us. Harry and I decided to stick together to make Ron’s task easier. Ron had just started looking for us when unfortunately for us, Pig; Ron’s owl came swooping in and delivered a letter to Harry, thus revealing our hiding place to him.

“Hahaha! Found you. Merlin, I never thought I’d be so happy seeing Pig. Bloody brilliant owl!” Ron complimented his owl as he stroked its feathers. Harry stared gingerly at the letter before turning it in his palms then he opened the letter to know its sender. He scrolled the letter and as he did so he quickly folded the letter back and kept it in his pocket. Unfortunately for him, I had chanced upon the name of the sender.

“So…you’re going to tell us what Ginny wanted to say to you?” I heard myself ask. He looked at me for a second, surprise etched on his face before he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“Oh, you saw.” He simply replied.

Ginny Weasley. I know her, though not quite well. I knew she was Ron’s younger sister, I knew she was in the same house as Harry and Ron, I knew she stayed at Harry’s House with Ron sometimes just like Harry stays in the burrow as well during breaks and holidays. I also knew she was on the Gryffindor Quidditch team along with Harry and Ron. Lastly, I know she has a crush on Harry since Ron always brought it up and teased Harry about it since they were in second year.

“Got another love letter from my sister?” Ron asked playfully as he eyed Harry cheekily, and Harry was flustered once more.

“Honestly Ron! Lay off him, it’s probably something important. So what did she say?” I asked once more. I surprise myself with my curiosity, never did I bat an eyelash at the mention of Ginny before but for some odd reason I felt drawn to her as of that moment. For the first time, I actually wanted to know this other girl who was probably the closest girl to both Harry and Ron aside from me.

“Oh, I haven’t really read it.” Harry had said.

“Well, go on then read it for us.” Ron had implored him but Harry rebuked once more.

“Would you really want to know what your sister wrote to me Ronald?”Harry had asked irritably.

“Honestly? Yeah, reckon it’d be nice to have something on her. You know for teasing and blackmailing…”

“Honestly Ron!” I reprimanded Ron but I could not hold back the laugh that escaped my lips but Harry looked quite forlorn at that moment. He was staring at me oddly, quietly as if he was reading me. What he wanted to see or know I did not know, but he quickly shook his head as if clearing his thoughts and slowly pulled the letter from his pockets.

He rolled the letter down and looked at me once more as if asking my permission and I inclined my head to the side as if granting him leave. He took a deep breath…

“Dear Harry…” He had begun.

“ I know you’ve been avoiding me since I confessed before Christmas that I was in love with you. Being best friends with my brother Ron, I thought by now that it was an open secret and that you shouldn’t have acted so strange. When I said “I love you…” I did not expect for you to say “I love you” back…”, though, that would have been lovely. But I also did not expect you to avoid me like a plague. Aside from being the boy that I fancy, I also consider you as my friend. So I’ve been asking myself why the sudden cold treatment? I remember when I finally confessed that you just stood there motionless, I’ve even wondered if you’ve been petrified… ” I laughed at that part and Ron and Harry stared at me oddly before I managed to stifle a giggle and told Harry to continue.

“… And then you asked me to excuse you and just like that you walked away. I must confess I was hurt, angry and disappointed. If you didn’t feel the same way why hide? Despite what you and my brothers’ think, I am already grown up now, and let me just tell you I am very skilled at bat bogey hexes, so don’t you dare treat me like a child. But then watching you from a distance made me think and I was given the perspective of an outsider. ” Harry paused there… but he just took another deep breath before continuing once more.

“ I realized maybe, you weren’t trying to turn me down. Maybe you were trying to convince yourself to like me as well. I know you see me like a little sister, growing up together must have done that to you. I also know how much you and my brothers’ get along with each other and the proof can clearly be seen during the annual Weasley Quidditch matches in our backyard every summer. I also know how much you love my mum’s cooking and trying to fix a Muggle car with my dad in the Muggle way has also been quite the hobby for you. I am thankful for you watching out for me, my brothers love you like you’re one of them, my mum absolutely adores you and my father is grateful since you’re the only one willing to spend time with him and indulge him in his Muggle fetishes. In short, I know you see us as family and as do all of us. That is why I know you’re going to try to convince yourself that you should give us a chance. ”

“ I’m telling you now Harry, stop. I know you’re pulling away from me not because you want to tell me that we are not meant to be together. I figured that wouldn’t be enough of a reason after all that we’ve been through. You’re pulling away because you’re thinking if we talk now you might be able to tell me how you really feel; that you feel nothing. I imagine you trying to convince yourself to be with me. I appreciate the effort Harry but don’t try to please everybody, you might hurt yourself .”

“ If you finally decide to give us a chance and only if you really want to, we can try. Let’s take it slow. Love isn’t instant it takes time, it builds up to make it stronger and it tastes sweeter like an old aged wine. If you really want to try something with me then please be my date to the New Year’s Ball. If not, then just say so. I don’t want you to force yourself to like me. But, I am also a girl in love and it would mean the world to me if you would give us a chance. And Harry please, be honest. Be a Gryffindor and tell me what you mean and mean what you say. I’ll be waiting for a reply. Yours, Ginny. ” Harry looked at us expectantly and for a second I was without an opinion. For some odd reason I could not find a reason to hate Ginny but at the pit of my stomach I knew I did. I tried to swallow that emotion and kill it for the moment as Harry was looking at us patiently. I knew he was silently asking us for our opinion. It was Ron who spoke first.

“Well isn’t my sister sappy? Girls really, why do they have to put in so much detail in their letters?”

“That’s because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon Ronald. Obviously, this was a very personal letter, which I strongly suspect we should not have heard. Give your sister some credit, she was very brave to have written and sent this to Harry.”

“What should I say?” Harry had asked, his gaze passing between Ron and I. I rubbed my temples in confusion. I wanted what Harry wanted. I want to tell him to follow his heart, but I also knew that at that moment the poor boy was confused, too confused to know what his heart was telling him. Luckily, Ron gave him an answer first.

“Listen mate, Ginny’s my sister, I’m not really sure if I would like seeing you two together, but since I’m also her brother and your mate, I think no one would be better for her than you. But if you don’t really fancy her as well then don’t lead her on, I would hate seeing you break her heart but better do it now than later.” Ron had said. And I could not help but feel proud of him at that moment. It was incredible how much maturity he had shown when he said those simple words. It almost made me tear up, for it made me understand how much the two of them had grown.

But then Harry looked at me intently, his green eyes boring deep into mine, with so much intensity within in them I’m surprised he was also able to convey patience from them as well. I took a deep breath; I knew I had always been his voice of reason as there had been countless times already that he has sought my advice or eye at any matter. Ron had already given him the vague answer, the answer which he already knows… I had to do my job and direct him. He was pleading with me to tell him what to do.

“Well, she has liked you for a really long time. Maybe she’s right; maybe you haven’t really given her a chance for you to see her as more than a sister. If there’s no one you fancy right now, and no concrete reason for you to reject her maybe you should give her a chance. Just don’t make promises you can’t keep Harry. And just remember what we’re giving you are just advises you are the one who has to make a decision.”

“You’re right Nemo.” Harry said, though I could not help but notice he said this quite dejectedly.

“Are you alright, Harry?”I had asked him as his shoulders visibly slumped. He looked up at me and I saw beyond his glasses and pass his emerald orbs was a caged soul. It made me confused, why did he look so lonely?

“I’m fine…well, it seems I need to write back to Ginny and tell her I’d be her date.”

We didn’t continue playing after that. Instead the three of us went back to my river and just talked for a while laughing occasionally. But I noticed Harry was quieter and sometimes when he thinks I don’t notice I catch him looking at me with an abstract eye.

I knew everything was about to change… and I did not know how to feel about it.

XXX

Harry and Ron contacted me almost every day using Harry’s enchanted mirror. We scheduled a time for it so that when the hour strikes I would just wait patiently in front of the mirror to see their faces.

I help them with their assignments as I was always ahead of them. Since their second year I had developed lesson plans and study schedules for them to follow. Usually I would do this with Harry and Ron before they leave for Hogwarts and begin another year. I would tell them what topics they will likely cover for the year, assign study hours and just give off trivia, facts and resources they might want to look up and they diligently scribble down what I say as I could not hold a quill. So more often than not I already know their subjects ahead of time so I could give them overviews.

But now with Harry’s enchanted mirror I can finally see what the two of them did and how they were faring in class. I could answer their questions each time they found something difficult. And sometimes we’d just talk as they tell me more about their day experiences. But then I noticed as time passed only Ron would talk to me and Harry would show up later in the conversation or sometimes he wouldn’t at all. And usually before he went to sleep we’d talk a while and say Goodnight, but even that had ceased. I finally asked Ron about it one night as he was telling me about why he wanted to be both an Auror and a Quidditch player but decided he’d rather be a Quidditch player since it didn’t require hard NEWT classes.

“Hey, Ron.”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering if Harry is avoiding me. He’s not always present during our supposedly nightly talks anymore and if he is, he’s always late and at night he no longer talks to me before he goes to sleep. Is there something wrong with him?”

“What? He’s fine, just probably busy…you know, since he has a girlfriend now.”

“He has? Who?” I asked rather shocked by this vital information. Harry had never told me he had a girlfriend.

“He didn’t tell you? I assumed he didn’t speak of it with you while I’m around since after all, it’s my sister he’s dating. Reckon he’s being sensitive for me, but I didn’t know he didn’t tell you. That’s why I’m talking to you every night sometimes alone, since Harry and Ginny have this ‘study sessions’ going on. I don’t really think they’re doing homework but for me to be distracted and not actually know what they’re studying about I sit here and talk to you.”

I laughed lightly at that. It must be tough on Ron since I know despite Ginny and Ron always fighting and biting each other’s head off he’s actually quite a protective older brother. But I also knew he’d prefer it was Harry snogging his younger sister than some other bloke. Snogging, I wonder if that was what Harry was currently doing.

I was suddenly very aware that I was getting angry at the thought of Harry snogging Ginny. I mean, I was only mad since he decided to skive off our nightly sessions just to snog his girlfriend. Oh, and what he snubs me his…his best friend? I mean can’t he get enough of her already during the day or if they go on their Hogsmeade trips? Night was supposed to be my time with Harry and Ron. How dare Ginny steal him away and Harry, can’t he control himself maybe just for an hour to talk to me, his best friend? I mean we don’t get to see each other every day. Yes, that was the reason why I was angry…now I just need to find out where that pang of jealousy comes from.

“Hey, Nemo.” Ron had called out to me and bringing me out of my reverie.

“Yes Ron?”

“You know, she’s jealous of you.”

“Who?” I feign innocence as I suspected who it was.

“Ginny, she knows about you.”

“Really she does? Thought I was supposed to be just yours and Harry’s secret.”

“Yeah, you are our secret friend, but she’s my sister and now Harry’s girlfriend, besides she’s known about you for some time now. When we use to leave her to visit you Harry and I would tell her we’re off to visit a secret friend. She’s awfully jealous of you.”

“Why would she be? She has nothing to be envious of.”

“Well Harry does speak highly of you, even before. And well Harry has this…Harry, speak of devil! You arrived on time. Nemo’s been asking about you.” Ron had waved at Harry and I saw Harry sitting down with Ron as he asked us what we were talking about and our conversations grew.

For a moment I was happy, it seemed everything was where it should be. I finally had my Harry back.

XXX

I knew Harry didn’t say goodnight to me anymore but at nine thirty I would curl up in front of the mirror and wait. Hoping that he’d start talking to me again and we could continue the routine.

He did not disappoint me, and one night after weeks, I finally heard his voice.

“Nemo?”

“Harry!” I exclaimed joyfully as I rushed to my feet and practically glued my face to the mirror due to my excitement in seeing and hearing him once again.

“Oh, it so good to see you.” I could not help the grin that spread across my face I felt so happy that he was talking to me again. I wasn’t aware of how lonely I’ve truly felt until now that the weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I could finally stand straighter and happier.

“I’ve been so worried; you haven’t talked to me for weeks. How are you?”

“I’m fine, and I’m sorry. I’ve been busy; it’s not a very good excuse now is it?”

“Well it depends on what you were busy with. So, I know you wouldn’t have called if you didn’t want to talk, so tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Ginny and I had a fight.”

“Oh, and what were you fighting about?”

“She reckons I have another girl in my mind, and that I don’t love her enough.”

“Well is she right, do you have another girl in your mind?”

“I…what if I did? Does that make me a bad person? After all, I am with her, I’m not being unfaithful.”

“Oh Harry, it’s normal for you to feel attraction towards other girls. Blame that on your hormones you’re young…”

Harry laughed softly at that.

“But…you must tell Ginny that even if you’re attracted to other girls she owns your heart and she need not worry.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“She was wrong when she said I have my mind on some other girl, but what if she was right when she said I don’t love her enough.”

“Oh, uhm, well…that’s potentially problematic.”

“Potentially problematic? That’s the problem.”

“It’s potentially problematic since it depends on how you handle the situation.”

“So how can it be, not problematic?”

“Simple, answer this question ‘do you want to be with Ginny?’. Because if you do, then maybe your attraction for this other girl is just a fluke and you can get back to being lovey dovey with Ginny. But if not, well then that’s quite problematic.” I tried to make Harry laugh with my comment but it seems like I really don’t know how to crack jokes since Harry just stared at me blankly. His face for once did not give away what he was truly feeling and I have begun to fear why I can no longer read him so easily like I used to. Maybe, he had practiced putting up that mask and he didn’t let me see how he managed to perfect it until now.

“I can be with Ginny, I can’t be with that girl. Besides, I can’t hurt Ginny and Ron, especially when I know that girl and I have no chance to be together.”

“Oh, don’t be so pessimistic Harry. How can you be too sure you won’t get this girl? And if you really don’t love Ginny I think she deserves to know. It’s like you’re just using her, and it’s less hurtful if you tell her now. And Ron, probably he’ll get angry but just as fast as he gets angry you know he can never hold a grudge too long as well. He always manages to come around.” I tried to tell him soothingly he just stared at me doubtfully and I sensed he was hiding a vital piece of information from me. One that’ll make me understand his dilemma more.

“It’s complicated Nemo, you don’t know how I feel.”

“Oh Harry, you know I’ll listen. I will always do. You know you can tell me anything.”

“No! I can’t tell you all my secrets. I won’t have any left to keep to myself.”

“Harry?”I said shocked by his outburst I was pretty certain was tactful with my words. I did not know why I had offended him so. But it hurt when Harry looked at me at that moment with judging eyes, as if I was his enemy, as if I was hurting him and I begun to feel sadness. After all this time I thought he knew I would do anything for him and Ron, I would strive to help them, make them happy and their best interest will always be my priority, they came first. Harry came first. Always.

And so it hurt seeing him look at me like that.

“Just… forget I said anything. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He tried to brush me off, say goodbye, but I would have none of that. I don’t want us to end any conversation mad at each other, who knows when he’ll talk to me again. I don’t want any of my friends to stay mad at me for long. They’re all I’ve got.

“Harry… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay… it’s not you. I’m sorry too.” He said and this time I could read the regret oozing out of his voice.

“Hey Harry…”

“Yeah?”

“If all else fails, you know I’d still love you even if Ginny and that girl you fancy won’t.” And it was the truth, He would always have a special place in my heart.

Harry laughed, though the light did not reach his eyes.

“I know. I just… Goodnight Nemo.”

“Night, Harry.”

“Hey Nemo, before I forget… I’ll always love you too.” Before I could respond Harry had turned his mirror off and I just stared blankly back at the mirror as I watched his face fading from my view, and my pale translucent face replacing it instead.

For a moment I just stared there blankly as I tried to process what Harry said. He said he loved me… even if he meant it platonically he still said it. I knew he loves me just like Ron loves me but I never actually heard him say it before or even remember anyone truly who said those three words to me. The feeling was new… but it was definitely not unpleasant.

XXX

I found out from Ron that Ginny and Harry had broken up. It seemed that it was Ginny who initiated it. He said Harry and Ginny parted in good terms and that Ginny was doing well. Ron said that when he asked Ginny why she broke up with Harry, Ginny had simply replied that they weren’t really meant to be and that she finally saw that they had more of a sibling bond, and that Harry was too much of a family member to her for her to actually hate him.

Regardless of the reasons, Ron told me he felt relieved. He shared that although Harry and Ginny really didn’t fight it seemed that the two of them were just forcing themselves to try and make their relationship work.

Harry still rarely talked to me. I had gotten used by his distance now and of his avoidance although it didn’t help ease the pain. I try to convince myself maybe he’s just going through a phase and maybe when he’ll recover we can rekindle our old friendship back. Ron and I don’t fight as often as we did before and it’s easier to talk to him but I still miss Harry terribly so. I miss Harry. I miss us. I miss our trio.

One evening Ron was asking me for help regarding his potions assignment, Ginny had angrily marched up inside the boy’s dormitories…

“Ron! Did you threaten Michael-” she had stopped whatever she was going to say when she saw me in the mirror. I had panicked. I quickly ran away from the mirror. I did not know why I was so scared of Ginny at that moment; probably I just wasn’t use to anyone knowing about me other than Harry and Ron. I had heard Ron calling out to me, but I still hid hoping for Ginny to go away. I knew she was still there, I could hear them talking…

“Merlin, Ron! Is that her? Is she your secret friend?”

“Yeah, Ginny, and now you’d scared her off. We told you she was shy.”

“I thought you were being selfish gits and didn’t want me to meet her. So she really does exist.”

“Did you ever doubt?”

“I don’t know. I always thought whenever you and Harry would run off using her as an excuse that the two off you were just skiving off chores. I almost thought the two of you had gone bonkers talking about your imaginary friend. Now I see you’re telling the truth.”

“Gee, thanks for being such a dear.” Ron had replied sarcastically.

“You know she’s pretty. Tell her, I’d like to meet her.”

“I would, now go, I’m trying to finish my homework here.”

“Bye… my ickle Ronniekins.”

“Ginny!” Ron had said warningly, and I heard Ginny chuckling loudly before I heard the door closing.

“Well, she’s lovely.” I had said as I approached the mirror once again.

“Well yeah… but she does get on my nerves most of the time.”

“Must be nice to have a sister, or a sibling.”

“I’ve got six of them… if you really want to find out how it feels like. So… I’m sure you’ve heard hat Ginny said. What would you like me to tell her?”

“Oh, you mean about her wanting to meet me? I honestly don’t know. What do you think?”

“Nemo has finally asked for my advice and opinion. By Merlin’s name how the mighty have fallen!” I had laughed for Ron had said those words quite dramatically, he just looked so theatrical at that moment.

“Oh, stop you. Honestly, Ronald! I’m trying to get an answer here.”

“Would you like to?”

“Maybe, but what if she won’t like me? I mean I wouldn’t know what to talk to her with.”

“Oh, Ginny’s not so hard to please. But I do warn you though, she could be quite sarcastic at times, bossy, and she has a fiery temper too. But she can also be quite fun and accommodating to people, some would call her the life of a party while I would call her an attention seeking brat. But hey, she’s still my sister.”

“She kind of sounds like you.” I told Ron and he made a face as if he was completely repulsed by what I’ve said.

“Well, if you say so then you must know it’s a sign you two are going to be friends.”

“Oh? And how can you be so certain? Have you finally become so adept at Divination?” I had teased Ron and he had stuck out his tongue at me.

“Well, you got me to be your friend. If she’s anything like me then you two will get along just fine.” It’s so weird how Ron nowadays seems to be saying the right words at the right time. It’s nice but still so overwhelming since usually it’s Harry that does so and puts me at ease. Thinking of Harry made me miss his presence once more. But still it made me grateful that I still had Ron.

“Oh, you’re just incorrigible Ronald Weasley!” I said in mock exasperation but grinned at him afterwards and he just laughed as well. He then asked me to help him with his assignments again.

The night was uneventful after that, but I knew things would turn out more interesting as I have decided to take up Ginny’s offer and finally meet her. I was excited and anxious all at the same time.

XXX

During the weekend I was fidgety. I could not help but feel very nervous. I tried tugging my hair as I wait anxiously for the clock to strike one o’clock. Today was the Hogsmeade weekend and I finally was going to meet Ginny or the first time. The boys have decided to run off to Hogsmeade to buy sweets from Honeydukes, checkout Zonkos for new toys and probably grab a butterbeer leaving Ginny behind in the castle so that the two of us could have our ‘girly bonding day’ as Ron had eloquently named it.

“Um, Hello?” I heard a voice from my mirror and I nervously bit my bottom lip and tucked a strand of curly hair behind my ear as I slowly approached the mirror tentatively, my stepping was slow as if I was walking on egg shells.

“Um, hi?” I had replied as I finally saw Ginny clearly for the first time. She was beautiful. She had pale alabaster skin and flaming red hair. Her thick black and long lashes surrounded her hazel brown eyes. Her nose was long, thin and straight. She looked angelic and fierce at the same time. I could not help but wonder why Harry would ever let her go.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Nemo. I’m Ginny as you may have heard.”

“It’s good to finally meet you as well. I heard so much about you from Harry and Ron. I’m sorry I’m not really good at this.” I said as I averted my eyes away from her, it was so weird introducing myself to someone new when I have been used to being alone and keeping quiet.

“You’re doing fine. Really, you’ve heard about me from Harry and Ron? All good things I hope.”

“It depends on which boy you’re talking about.” I had replied.

“Bugger! I knew Ron would bad mouth me to strangers. He’s such a dear isn’t he? Ruining my image to unassuming good people. Backstabbing prat.” Ginny had ranted and I could not help but laugh, she sounded so much like Ron. I knew she wasn’t really bitter at Ron, she was just trying to make me laugh and make me at ease with our conversations.

“Well, that’s what makes him Ron. And don’t worry, Ron may come off like a prat but he truly does care about you.”

“Oh, so it’s Harry. I knew it! It’s always the quiet ones.” I laughed once more.

“Enough about me, it is I who have heard so much about you. So tell me how did the three of you become friends.”

And so I told Ginny about how Harry found me and how Ron managed to tag along. I told her about the things that we would do together, the things we would do for each other and just stories about our little adventures in my forest. Ginny had particularly enjoyed and laughed when I told her about funny stories of Ron and Harry.

She also told me about her experiences with them and growing up with boys surrounding her. She told me how she needed to act tough so her brothers won’t always pick on her or be too overprotective of her.

We spent the whole afternoon talking. Until she talked about more recent things and we wandered to a topic which Ginny claims are what girls usually do talk about.

“So is there anyone you fancy?” She had asked me. I had shaken my head fervently.

“How could I? I barely know anybody. I’m so used to being alone.”

“Well, you know Harry and Ron. Surely, you would have considered it.”

“Oh, I…I don’t think I have ever truly have. It’s just seems like there’s this unspoken rule that I shouldn’t. But there is this one time… Oh, I really shouldn’t say.” I said blushing now as I looked away. I know it’s silly of me to think I was blushing when I was as pale as a ghost. I would have laughed at the irony.

“You have! I just know you did. Come on, tell me. It’ll be our little secret.”

“Ron sure forgot to mention you were gossipy.” I teased her and she rolled her eyes playfully and flipped her hair.

“That’s what makes us girl you know. So who was it? Who did you have fantasies of?” Ginny had asked me bluntly and I could feel my cheeks burning up as if I had blood rushing through up there.

“You might not like the answer Ginny.”

“Oh, pish posh. Just tell me, you can do it.” I sigh as I finally decided to give in to Ginny’s prompting. After all, who knew when I’ll ever get the chance to have these girl talks again? This is one of the issues I very well know I can’t talk to Harry and Ron with.

“It’s Harry.” I had said plainly. I looked at Ginny while trying to read her reaction. She seemed mildly surprised but then a smirk quickly planted itself on her face.

“Oh, so how did our dear Mr. Potter manage to make you see him in a different light? What event was it that made you have this urge to kiss him?”

“It’s more of a series of events actually.”

“So this just happened recently I presume.”

“Yes, just this year before they left for their fifth year Harry and Ron brought me all this girly romance novels. I still wonder where they got the idea though.”

“Oh, it’s probably from me since I read those novels all the time and one time Ron had teased me about it and I told Harry and Ron that they wouldn’t understand why I like them so much since they’re boys, and only females can understand the beauty of well thought romance novels.”

“Oh, so I have you to blame for it.” I had teased her once again and Ginny just scrunched her brows in confusion.

“Well, I suspect it’s because of those novels that I have begun to think about love. Before, I didn’t give much thought about kisses. But when I read them I have begun to wonder what a hug would feel like, how someone’s hand enclosing mine could give me comfort, and what a kissed tasted like. Like you might as well know, the only boys I know are Harry and Ron, so it’s only natural I’ll see one of them in a different light sooner or later.”

“So how come it was Harry?”

“It’s silly but I only had one urge to kiss him. It was just recently during this Christmas break when he bought me this mirror so we can communicate with one another. He just seemed so sweet and sincere during that moment and I thought it was quite romantic that maybe if the circumstances were different I might have. I’m quite thankful I haven’t.”

“Wow, you and Harry seem to be pretty close.”

“Yes we are. But recently, it’s as if his distancing himself from me. Why do you think he’s pulling away? He bought me this mirror so we could talk, Harry, Ron and I could talk while they’re away. I know I should have been used to not be able to talk with them all the time but it’s different now that I know we could actually talk. It’s sad to know that’s he’s avoiding me.”

“Well, I don’t know the answer to that, only Harry can answer it. But even I noticed he hasn’t been the same lately. He’s quieter now and more reclused. I mean, he still plays Quidditch and still talks to his friends but most of the time he’d rather be alone. Sometimes, I would see him by the lake staring at the distance with a sketchpad in his hand and would just draw. I’d see him in the library looking up at books as if researching diligently for an assignment. He’s always doing research at his free time about something he wouldn’t even tell Ron or I. He comes back in the common room during late hours looking gloomier than he did earlier. Like his green eyes show nothing but disappointment. Sometimes, he’d even talk to some of the ghost here at Hogwarts too. It’s weird it’s like he has this secret project he’s quietly building on. Ron reckons he might be studying ahead for NEWT’s next school year. I however, suspect it’s something more, something much more personal.”

“I should probably talk to him about it.”

“Maybe you should, since he’s driving Ron and me crazy with worries about him.”

“Hey Ginny?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for looking out for Harry. I know you like him.”

“Of course I like him. He’s my friend, but I truly don’t have feelings for him anymore. In the short three weeks of our love affair I realized that maybe I didn’t like him as much as I thought I did.”

Not long after that we said our goodbyes.

I went to bed that night determined to talk to Harry and find out what was wrong with him.

Little did I know, I would never get that chance…

XXX

One week from now Harry and Ron would be coming back for Summer Holidays.

That thought has been on my mind the whole day as I was walking through the forest. I couldn’t wait to see them, especially Harry. I hadn’t managed to speak with him, it was frustrating. Harry had grown so adept at hiding from me. Even Ron had confessed he and Harry had rarely spent their free time together as he was always busy. I was worried. What has gotten Harry so worked up?

As I was walking I came to stop in front the river and I sat by its banks just staring at the rush of gushing crystal clear water and the small ripples it created here and there. I was so absorbed and entranced at watching the fluid that I didn’t notice a middle aged lady at the other side of the river till it was too late. She must be a Muggle since she could not see me. It was weird, I knew I had never seen her before in my forest, but she seemed awfully familiar.

She looked to be in her middle to late forties as her black curly locks were tied in a messy bun. Her white sweater hung loosely around her and her black leather boots seemed to make no noise as she slowly approached the river. She was sad, that was evident. I could see it in her deep brown eyes. She was beautiful, I noticed too despite her age as she finally was close enough at the edge of the other side of the river; the side where I could not cross.

She sat down on the ground just like I did. I knew not to fear since it was obvious she could not see me.

“I miss you…” I had heard her say in a strangled voice laced with utter longing and sadness. It’s weird but I felt lonely too like I was sharing her grief.

“It’s been so long since I last saw you. God, I miss you so much!” She had begun to sob.

“It’s almost ten years now. Almost ten years since I’ve been here. I couldn’t visit this place knowing this was where I last saw you. God, I’m so sorry.” She had wailed so helplessly, there was no one around in the forest it was so quiet as if the forest had given her a sanctuary where she could release all her built up frustration in peace. She was crying so hard now as she pulled out a picture from her pockets. She stared at it lovingly as she caressed it gently and wiped the tears that had fallen on top of it. She kissed the picture so lovingly and spoke so tenderly.

“I should have kept a better eye on you. If I did you wouldn’t have fell and hit your head in the river…I’m so sorry.” It’s weird I have this sudden feeling of walking around the river touching the cold water and attempting to cross my side of the forest by hopping from one rock to another. Almost like a memory.

“It’s almost ten years and I still hope and pray you would return to me…return to us. Maybe your father’s right. Maybe you’re never going to wake up soon. Maybe I should move on, let you go and let you move on. But I can’t! I’ll wait as long as it takes…as long as you show me you would come back. Come back to me my sweet angel. Come back to me Hermione! I love you so much. I miss you so much…Hermione!” The lady had wailed and trashed about the place she was kicking the fallen leaves throwing rocks and pulling the grasses from the ground. I had never seen so much grief in all my life and before I knew it I was crying too.

It was weird, I feel as though I know her. I knew her and her child. Hermione, such a lovely name…it sounded like it came from Shakespeare…wait…I don’t have a Shakespeare book aside from Romeo and Juliet. How could I know this?

“Hermione!” the lady had continued to sob and I stared at her for some more time, just watching her. And a nostalgic sense of feeling enveloped me as I watched her be so vulnerable. Hermione…it seemed liked a familiar friend, like it was my own. Could it be? Was I Hermione?

“Jane!” I had heard a man speak as he was running towards the lady. He had brown hair and when he reached Jane she was already curled up in fetal position and crying her eyes out. He tried to help her up and wipe her tears away but Jane seemed furious at him and pushed him off her.

“Get off me Henry!” Jane had screamed at him.

“Jane. I know you’re upset but you must know we have to do this…we’ve waited this long-” Henry had begun to speak.

“No! You can’t give up. We can’t give up. Hermione’s a fighter, I know my own daughter. She’ll be back I know she will. I swear she will wake up. We just have to wait for her. Henry, you can’t give up. How could you do this?”

“You don’t think this hurts me? Hermione’s my daughter too. I have prayed for her as much as you have. I have watched over her and paid attention watching and waiting for a sign that she’ll wake up. But she hasn’t and maybe she never will. We can’t be haunted by our past forever Jane. We need to move on. We need to let go of Hermione.”

“How could you do this to Hermione how would she feel knowing her own father would kill her?”

“It’s Euthanasia, Jane. Technically, Hermione’s dead, it’s just the equipment that’s keeping her breathing.”

“Mercy killing you mean to say. What’s so bloody merciful about it except its name? I don’t bloody care what it is. You won’t pull the plug off Hermione. You just can’t! I know she’s coming back soon, I can feel it. Especially now that we’ve come back home.”

“We’re pulling the plug tomorrow Jane. Nothing’s going to change that.”

“Hermione’s blood will be on you if you do that.”

Jane stormed off angrily with Henry following behind her and calling her name and I could not help but feel panic rising within me. I was so scared, I felt like I was going to die. And then it hit me! I was going to die!

I was Hermione. My name was Hermione Jane Granger and those were my parents. Dentists; Henry and Jane Granger. I grew up in this town. We owned a large blue house just outside this forest with a big backyard filled with roses in the garden that my mother had tended. My father would read to me at night while my mother would sing to me.

I remember everything now. The memories I lost when I woke up here and ever since I was trapped in this abyss rushed back to me.

I was seven and we were picnicking here in the forest when I wanted to cross the other side of the river to see what lies beyond it. I had tried to cross it by hopping from stone to another when I slipped and hit my head at one of the rocks. My father had seen me and he swam to rescue me and all I remember before blacking out was him calling my name and asking me if I was alright and for me to stay with them.

I was not dead! That’s why I was still here. I was supposed to stay with them. I finally understood why I was aging and why I could touch objects for just awhile, it’s because my body is still alive. I was still breathing!

Probably, I was in a coma. I needed to get out of here. I could not wake up because my soul was trapped here in the forest. At that moment it’s as if a chain was lifted from me. Like I grew wings and that I could finally fly, fly out of this caging imprisonment that had kept me bound for so long.

“Wait!” I had yelled and for the first time I had crossed the other side of the river. I was running, chasing the figures of my parents as I followed them. It’s weird I continued to follow them even if I had passed our house I had wondered why they didn’t go in. And then I was struck with the realization that it was now Harry’s house. My parents were the couple he talked about that sold their house so that they could move to the city to provide more care for their daughter.

We had a new house now.

I followed them into a two story white abode which was slightly smaller than our Victorian styled blue house that Harry and his family now owned, but it was still quite large for only the two of them.

I did not have the time to look around the house or even admire its furniture. I directly followed my parents up the stairs until they round up in a corner and my mom burst into a room.

The room was the color of light lavender with butterflies and flowers as prints. There were photos of me everywhere and my medals and certificates were hung at one side of the room and a bookshelf of my books from when I was seven was at the corner. The white vanity cabinet at the other side of the room added life to my sanctuary but I knew if I looked inside it was probably half-empty.

I saw my body for the first time. I was breathing evenly through the oxygen that they have attached. My heart beat was slow in the monitor. My hair was so long it almost reached my knees. And I was thin. It felt different seeing my lifeless body for the first time. How was I going to go back into my body?

My mom was sobbing again as she continued to call out my name she was holding my hand asking me to wake up, as my dad beside her comforted her and cried silent tears. I felt my throat welling up. It pained me to see them hurting so bad because of me. I could have gone out of the bloody forest if only I remembered who I was. I could have been with them sooner.

Now, I only have until tomorrow to make myself wake up or I was truly going to be a ghost. I did not want that. Seeing my parents in pain would hurt me so, knowing I was alive gave me hope to dream. I could finally do the things I did not think I would be able to do. All I needed to do was wake up.

“Please, wake up.” I begged my body as I stared down at it.

“Wake up.” I repeated like a mantra over and over again. I was crying as loud as my mum now but the only difference is that, only I could hear my own grief. They won’t know I was here. I had to make them know I was here.

“Wake up!” I had screamed. And at that moment I felt my knees weakening. I felt delirious and I was spiraling into a darkness that I never knew. But at the moment I did know…

Everything was about to change.

XXX

“Hermione please come back!” Jane had continued crying she did not notice Henry shaking her gently.

“Jane…look!” Jane raised her head and look at the monitor attached to Hermione and for the first time they saw that there were signs of Hermione’s brain activity.

At that moment they knew that their daughter was going to wake up soon.

To be continued…

XXX

AN: So this story has been complete since last year. But since I’m lazy I don’t proofread. For those of you who’s reading this story for the first time, please tell me if you’d prefer for me to post the unproofreaded chapter two, or should I proofread it?

BTW: Next chapter is the last chapter and would be told in Harry’s POV

Once again, this is my first story in portkey (Finally!). Is it up to par with this sites’ standards? Hate me or Love me?

Review.

AN: Hi it’s Nym13. Here is the last chapter, thank you so much for reading this and giving me a chance. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I Don’t Own Harry Potter.

XXX

There’s this airy presence inside of me…

I feel as though I’m floating through the clouds…

I play in a lush forest…

There’s always a sunny sky hanging over my head…

And the translucent sunlight makes all the gold I posses glitter like diamonds...

I knew from the beginning that I have everything in this world…

And it has always been certain…

I have found a home in it…

Over time I’ve grown to accept that I will never want for anything, until one day it happened…

She happened…

XXX

I could not sleep.

I think I need to amend that statement.

I do not sleep, at least, not anymore.

As I restlessly try to snuggle and get comfortable under my covers, I have realized that just like the countless nights that have passed, sleep will not visit me tonight. I still lay awake, enveloped by darkness and shielded by my drapes from the outside world. Compared to the night that is silent despite that of my roommates’ heavy breathings, I am filled with an eternal turmoil as my thoughts are so pronounced that inside my head it is so loud that I want nothing more than to escape the noise that plagues me.

Ron sleeps soundly in his bed, and it makes me annoyed, for over the past few weeks he had been pushing me to the edge that I’m almost at my breaking point. It’s funny he claims that I have grown indifferent and often asks me how I could easily brush and ignore things. He doesn’t understand how I feel. He doesn’t see the bags under my eyes. He doesn’t know that every night after he turns in I grab the mirror and keep it under my pillow.

He asks me how I could remain so calm, so unsympathetic. He asks me if I could sleep well at night knowing I’m hurting someone. I don’t tell him that I don’t sleep. I can’t tell him the truth.

Just like all the sleepless nights before, I finally succumb to the temptation and hastily pulled out the mirror from the comforts of my pillow. The glass is cold to my touch, this I noticed, as I’ve always had. Just like her. Often times I wonder how in her icy grasps I manage to feel warmth’s soft embrace.

Why do people torment themselves by wanting things they cannot have? Is it human nature? Or is it human weakness?

Thus are questions I have no time to answer.

I never knew that making a wish for someone could make one selfish, not until now...

I truly did not wish for my feelings to go astray. I wasn’t careful, I’ve always been reckless that I know of, but I never knew I was a masochist.

I started to see her in a different light on my fourteenth birthday. Dad, Sirius, and Remus gave me a talk. A talk about becoming a man, and falling in love. I felt like such a girl during that time, I didn’t know what pushed me to ask such a bloody stupid question.

‘How do you know if you love someone, dad?’ my own idiocy still rings in my ears.

Stupid, stupid! Sometimes I wonder why I had not inherited the rational and tactful qualities that my mother possessed, I’m too much of my father’s son I suppose.

Dad at that time just gave me this weird smile as if he was about to cast a really powerful patronus and Sirius and Remus just rolled their eyes as if they were trying not to break into laughs as well.

‘Well son, you know you’re in love when that person changes you for the better. I’m sure you might have heard people telling you that from the start that they knew your Mum and I would end up together since we’ve always bickered like an old married couple. As much as I would like to claim that they’re right, your Mum would have rolled her eyes and scoffed.’

‘Why is that dad?’

‘Your Mum never liked me. I was a marauder, prankster, and an all around git. I was selfish, all I cared about was having fun and getting my way, I spared no one the time of the day and I did not care if I was hurting anybody. Your Mum hated me for all the right reasons. Though I was never truly mean to her, for from the beginning I already fancied her, that did not mean I was in good spirits with her. Then on our seventh year I was head boy along with her. She used to insult me a lot and saying I did not deserve the title given to me. At first I brushed her off but then later on I figured that she was right. I was truly a git. I was popular but then I wondered if I truly did want to leave Hogwarts known as the marauder who was a bully. I realized that I did not want that. I wanted to be someone that Hogwarts would be proud of, my parents would be proud of, my friends would be proud of, Lily would be proud of, the person that I would be proud of. So I changed. And when I did, Lily finally gave me a chance.’

‘Now I have always fancied your mother but I realized I was in love with her when from enemies we became friends. She was someone I could talk to. She was frank with me, she always manages to put me in my place but at the same time she was also sensitive and took care to not really hurt me. She was such a good person that she challenges me to be worthy of her. It was hard, and what started out as such a heavy task of trying to be worthy of your mother turned into something I could actually love doing. I actually started to like being the good guy. People would tell you I liked your mother because she was pretty and smart. Not that those aren’t true but those are just the things that made me fancy her. I love her for she made me into a better person, I love that she scolds me when I hurt myself but at the same time she heals my wounds, I love that she always worries about me when I’m on a mission and yet she never told me stop. I love that she sticks up for what she believes in and never backs down. I love that she trusts me completely, that she can be my friend, that she believes in me even if no one would, I love that she never gave up on me even if there were times that I would have, and that despite everything that I have done in the past she had forgiven me and had love me back. But most of all, I love her for making all my dreams come true and for bringing you into this world.’

‘Jeez Prongs, you sure still sound like a love struck pup after all this time.’ Uncle Sirius had interrupted and then we have begun laughing after that and talked about other things.

But what my dad said had kept stuck in my head. I wasn’t romantic, this I know of, or not until recently, but I wanted what my parents had. It may not be soon but I was willing to wait for it. I started to doubt if I would ever find that love, that kind of love that after years of being together I would still seem like a love struck pup. Did such a girl exist for me? My dad was lucky, my Mum was the best, but was the fates as kind to me?

That I did not know. And I begin to wonder if such a perfect girl did exist. Someone who would not just make me feel lust but also love.

I thought that there would never be such a perfect girl, something so genuine and pure could not exist in such an imperfect world. Where could I find a girl that even came close to my mother? Ha, how wrong that statement sounds.

But fate always did have a funny way of granting your wishes. For I’ve met her. She was not the perfect girl, but she was perfect for me.

She was pretty, but not stunningly beautiful.

She was brilliant, smart and witty. She fights for what she believes in and never backs down.

She was always there. She always helps me in whatever way she can. She looks after me. She never doubts me. She always encourages me to do my best and to pursue my dreams. She listens to me. She makes me happy.

She’s my best friend.

But…

She nags. She’s annoying when she always wants to know everything. She’s always too serious. She hates when Ron and I try to be daring. She hates that we don’t even bother reading Hogwarts A History or get why she’s so adamant about us doing well in school. She worries too much about us. And she’s so proper almost prudish.

And then…

She becomes prettier every year and she doesn’t even know it. She’s so smart that she has become my voice of reason and I always turn to her when I need something. She’s so bloody cute when she gets all worked up when she and Ron get into arguments and as she tries to defend her stand. She has always been there, that it’s hard for me to imagine a day when she won’t. She helps me in whatever way she can that I’m afraid I’ll grow dependent on her. She looks after me and I love knowing that I have her to fuss over me. She never doubts or questions me and she makes me more confident in myself. She believes I would do great things that I start believing in me too. She always listens to me to the point that I feel guilty on venting all my frustrations upon her, and she listens to me talk about Quidditch despite her not really understanding my enthusiasm for the sport. She makes me happy because I’m lucky enough to call her my best friend.

She nags and she’s annoying but that’s just how she cares. She’s always too serious for I am not. She hates when I try to be daring and show off my manly bravado for she’s afraid that I might hurt myself and she won’t be able to help. She doesn’t like that we slack off in class for she believes that we have potential to do better. She worries too much but that’s because she’s so caring and loving and she only has us to shower with her affections. She’s so proper and prudish that I wouldn’t dream of staining her innocence, instead she makes me want to protect her even more.

She’s definitely not perfect, but she’s perfect for me. I finally found someone I knew I could grow to love but then fate had to be so cruel and make her unattainable.

She was not for me, neither was she free for anybody.

I started to curse the heavens for being too cruel to her. She was a kind hearted girl who did not deserve to be stuck as a ghost. I had the luxury to love anyone, even to love her, for it was only human to love. But she will never have that option. She was a ghost. As much as it hurts me to know I can’t be with the person I love, I could chose to not love her too and love someone else. But she will never know love and what’s worse; I know she will feel that love is not for her.

I tried to fight it at first and tried to convince myself it’s just a passing fancy. I went on laughing whenever I was with her and Ron. She always remained my friend, and I was determined to keep us just platonic friends. But then she’d be so feminine in my eyes, almost like a seductress subtly tugging at my heart thus letting my guard down and would lead me to say and do things to her a platonic friend wouldn’t. But Ron doesn’t notice, she doesn’t notice; only I did.

I was the only one aware of the change of my feelings for her. I got tired of fighting it. I started thinking maybe I could love her. Maybe she’d allow herself to love me too. Maybe we could try it. I was foolish; it was a love story that should never begin.

Then Ginny came into the equation. I thought she was the answer to my dilemma. After all, it didn’t seem that Nemo felt anything towards me other than friendship. It looked that my love was one sided. There has always been a saying ‘if a bird loved a fish where would they live?’ I never once got that quote, I always thought it was stupid…but I was stupid. I am the bird that loves a fish.

Ginny was easy. She already liked me. I liked her too. But she just wasn’t her. I tried to love her, I really did, after all, she was a great girl and it was unfair for her if I cannot love her just because I’ve fallen in love with a ghost; someone who didn’t even belong to the world I lived in.

There were moments when I was almost convinced that I could do it. Her hand was warm whenever I held it as we walked side by side. Nemo’s hands were cold and I could not touch them, she was elusive like the cool wind. Ginny would blush and her lips would redden whenever she smiled, those things heightened her beauty and sometimes she would take my breath away. Nemo was just pale…there was no color to her complexion, she was dull. Those were moments when I thought I could love Ginny. And then we would kiss…

From a small peck it would transcend into a more passionate one. I would pull her closer to me and feel the warmth of her body against mine as she wraps her arms around my neck and respond to my kiss fervently. Her love for me was real, she was real. I would moan in approval for she was a fantastic kisser. I almost believed I could love her but then when the kisses become more heated I would reach out to her attempting to draw her closer. My hand would snake at the back of her neck grabbing a handful of her hair and then I would freeze…

When I feel her soft, silky and straight hair wrapped around my fingers I just stop.

In those moments I realized that I wanted so much to believe I could love her. It made me realized that I had been pretending. I was pretending and wishing I could kiss Nemo like I was kissing Ginny. I did not know that it was her face I was seeing and imagining kissing, not until I’ve touched Ginny’s hair. It’s as if reality had crashed upon me, in those times I realized that I was expecting to touch curly brown hair instead of flaming red straight ones the Ginny had. It was definitely true that we can never chose the ones we love and once we’ve given up our hearts it would be so hard to give someone new your love while the former still possessed it.

I just needed to touch Ginny’s hair and just like that my urges and need for her would end. That’s how I knew the painful difference between lust and love.

I begun to feel bad, Ginny deserved someone better than me. Someone that could love her. She should not be made to suffer and pin after me. No one should be anyone’s last resort when she so clearly deserves to be someone’s first. It’s so bad that I could not love her the way she loves me. I was a bad person this I established.

Ginny and I did not last. I knew we would never. I wasn’t the one who ended things between us since I did not want to hurt her. I was grateful that it was her who made the step to break things off. We’re friends now and it’s better this way, it has always been better this way.

Ginny’s dating other people now; it’s nice that she’s finally moving on, giving chances to other blokes who would treat her like a Queen. Ron is getting worried and always fussing about his sister being too young to date. They make me laugh by how much they argue now a days. It makes me remember about the times Nemo and Ron would argue, and then I’m reminded of her again until my thoughts are plague with images of her and no one else.

It’s clear that my feelings for her won’t be going away any time soon. So I decided to do something about it.

I would not try to fight it, for it always won despite my efforts.

I won’t try to love other people; they’ll end up hurt like Ginny.

I would try to find a way to make us happen. And to do this…

I researched a lot. I went to the library looking up facts about ghosts and other magical creatures. I doubt she was a true ghost. She had qualities same to that as ghosts, but she also possessed traits not found in them.

I interviewed the Hogwarts ghost just to find more information. I grew more and more frustrated everyday as I’ve found nothing new to help me.

I grew so depressed that Ron and Ginny started noticing the changes in me, despite how hard I tried to hide them. I didn’t want them to know and be worried about me. My problem wasn’t their own I won’t share my burden with them. And I don’t want to deal with their pitying looks and reprimands. They’ll tell me it’s useless and that I should move one, they’ll try to reason with me and try to convince me what a pointless endeavour I have taken up. I wouldn’t want to hear it, because I know they’re right, but despite this, I will continue foolishly torturing myself. At the back of my mind I can’t seem to kill the hope that there might be a future for Nemo and me.

I would come back to the Gryffindor dormitory late at night. Often times I contemplated if I should talk to Nemo or not. Probably she was already asleep that I would tell myself, but I knew it was only an excuse. I wouldn’t want to talk to her for I always did feel guilty, I feel as though I have disappointed her with me not finding anything useful to free her. I know she wouldn’t know, but still that’s what I feel. I also didn’t want to talk to her for I might say and do things I’ll regret. She wouldn’t deserve my misplaced anger. I might grow angry at her and blame her being a ghost and making me feel this way and in turn turning my once perfect life into something so miserable. I might shout at her and tell her she’s such a terrible being for making me suffer. I might tell her I wish I never would have met her and mean it. That’s what I’m afraid of the most…

Because I do think that if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have subjected myself into a world of so much hurt, anger, and frustration. She was the catalyst in my life. I have no doubt that I could say that to her. So I stayed away.

She wouldn’t deserve it, it’s not like she chose to be that way. She was a kind hearted girl almost faultless. There was no reason for me to be angry at her, someone who was so much of a better person than I was given the punishment of not being able to exist and make a difference in this world. Her only fault was that she wasn’t human, such a shame, and what a waste, when there are so many others who recklessly waste away their lives.

It wasn’t her fault that she was a ghost, just as much as it wasn’t my fault to have fallen in love with her. With this thought, I hope one day I would be able to forgive myself for loving her.

I got tired of pretending that I was alright. The façade of showing up smiling and laughing with my friends was taking its toll on me. I was tired of acting. I found solace in being alone where I could be free to drown in my sadness, there I could be free to shed a tear with no one watching. My loneness was so much more comforting.

I began sketching her face whenever I would sit there by the lake. Every time I pause it’s her face I see, her image is vivid in my head, that I’d like to believe I could actually draw her. I tried to draw her in the way that will give justice to what I feel for her. I would be drawing her and attempting to give life to her in my sketches. I would try to picture her having some color to her cheeks, her lips red and I would imagine her brown eyes glistening and her brown curly hair splashed by sunlight. There was a time when Dean saw my drawings mistaking my sketch pad as his. He asked me who she was; I then shrugged and said that it was just a girl I saw in my dreams. Dean who was the resident artist just nodded and say that I drew really well, I would then tell him to not speak of it to anyone, and he had kept his word.

I’ve been living like this for a few weeks now, and I’m tired and worn out of hiding. I know now what I must do and that I should tell her how I feel. She deserves to know and I deserve to be free. It’s time I stop dancing around and avoiding the inevitable, it’s time I face my fears.

As I feel sleep finally settling inside me, I welcome it with open arms because in my dreams I am free to be with her. In my dreams no can tell me that I shouldn’t love her. My eyes slowly closes and the last thought in my head was…

Just one more week and I will be coming home.

XXX

“Harry!” I heard my Mum call out to me as I saw her hand flying in mid-air and attempting to catch my attention. I turned to Ron and Ginny and said my goodbyes.

“See you tomorrow Ron.” I told Ron as he nodded to me and left with Ginny. Ever since we started Hogwarts Ron and his family would visit our house and have lunch with us, a day after our arrival. Then Ron and I would bring out our flying brooms and excuse ourselves to go to the forest of Dean and meet with Nemo.

My parents never question us anymore for they have grown accustomed to it. Then Ron would stay for a week with us and I would stay a week at the burrow. We always had dinners at each other’s places during the summer break and sometimes the Weaselys would stay with us for we are living in a Muggle community and Mr. Arthur Weasley has always been fascinated with the Muggle world. I am thankful that Ron gets to visit me all the time. Not only do I feel happy since their presence did not make me feel like an only child but also because I know Nemo’s happier when she sees Ron and I visiting her.

Sometimes I wonder how lonely she has been all those years.

“Hey Mum!” I greeted my mum as I gladly returned the bone crushing hug she’s given me.

“My, Harry you’ve grown taller!”

“Well I do need to follow my dad’s footsteps.” I told her grinning and she pinched my nose lovingly.

“Oh, hush Harry, you’re a much better man than your dad was at this age. Your dad took a long time to become a real gentleman.”

“I know, dad says the same thing.” I told her grinning and my Mum just smiled at me.

“So where’s dad?”

“Remus, Sirius and he had an Auror meeting today so he won’t be back till dinner. Now hand me Hedwig and you go push your trolley.” Mum commanded as I handed her Hedwig. I used to remember arguing with Mum and telling her that I could just place Hedwig in my cart as I push my trolley but Mum would have none of that. She said that she could just carry Hedwig and lessen my load. Then I would tell her how disrespectful it would be for me to make my mother carry my load and for some odd reason she would give me a lecture about feminism. I learned to not argue with her anymore.

But Mum has always been caring…and even if others would be embarrassed if their mother’s treated them the way my Mum was treating me, I just remind myself of how lucky I am to have a mother that loves me.

When we arrived at home the house still looked the same. Except for the small bookshelf at the corner as it seemed to always have more books each time I arrive home. We already have a big library upstairs the small bookshelf in the living room is for the new books mum buys so she gets to read them before she moves them into the library upstairs.

The house still looked pristine, there was no new furniture and the aroma of freshly bake garlic bread filled the area. Home was still home, nothing’s change, but it feels as if everything has shifted, somehow something did, for something always does.

“Harry bring your trunk upstairs. I’ve prepared pasta, chicken and garlic bread for dinner, and pumpkin pie for dessert.”

“Hmm, sounds sinful.” I grinned at my mother as I grabbed my trunk and hurried to our stairs.

“I know that you never cared much for fancy food.” Mum rolled her eyes at me as she went in the kitchen and started setting dinner.

“Yeah, you know us men, we like food that’s easy to eat and we don’t really fancy eating food we can’t be bothered to pronounce right.” I told my mum jokingly before hurriedly dashing up the stair. I settled my trunk beside my bed and I let myself fall on top my clean bed. I looked up at the ceiling of my room. Much like the enchanted ceiling of Hogwarts; mine shone of bright silvery stars against cold blue hues. I liked looking at my enchanted ceiling, it made me feel as though I was flying.

When we moved here, I didn’t really want to. Mum had insisted, she was so adamant about us moving into this quiet town, with a few but clearly well off neighbours. She wanted to stay in this three storey with an attic, blue Victorian house. She said it was not too large but not to small either. Plus she says, the rose garden was beautiful. Dad then teased mum that she should have been named Rose instead of Lily, since she was fiery and as beautiful as that of a red English rose. Mum blushed at that, but then swatted my dad on the head when he added that she could be quite thorny and prickly as one too.

I never really understood why we had to leave the magical world, leave Godrics Hallow, and leave Potter Manor. The wizarding world was where we belonged. In there were all my friends, in there were all their friends, they had jobs there too, and they had to floo, fly or apparatte there almost every day, well mum never did fly, but still. It was such a hassle if you think about it, living here so far away from our world.

I just accepted it at that time. I grew to enjoy it here too since I met Nemo. But now I understand. Mum was muggleborn, despite everything, even now that she’s an important person in the wizarding world she still considers herself a muggleborn witch, and even if she married a pureblood that held no prejudice against muggleborns she was still aware of how others would turn their noses and look the other way for wizards and witches like her. She didn’t want me to grow up a pompous git like Draco Malfoy. She wanted me to have this. Her childhood of living a double life.

When I come home mum makes me do chores without magic, so does she. Some of our furniture are magical but not all, most magical stuff are just bookshelves, drawers and our closet that are magically expanded to fit all our things. The floo conection and floo powder, my dad and my brooms, and a pantry full of ingredients for mum’s potion making. But other than those things, our house is practically a muggle one. Mum cooks with an oven, she vacuums the house, we take turns washing the dishes, we have laundry day, and we use electricity and dad has taken a liking to the television, plus we have a heater instead of heating charms. But above everything else, mum taught me to tend the garden.

There are no garden gnomes or magical plants in our garden, just a backyard full of roses. I remember what she told me during our first lesson…

“Harry, you know I’m named Lily and your Aunt was named Petunia.”

“Yeah…”

“Well, those are beautiful flowers are they not? My parents always thought we should be named after flowers since even after centuries have passed flowers and plants never change but they still look beautiful after all those time, are they not?”

“I suppose, but unlike magical flowers they die easily don’t they, and they're not as interesting.”

“Well not if they’re well taken care of and still planted on the ground…they happen to be really lovely.”

“Huh?”

“Oh Harry, Listen…magical flowers they’re beautiful and it’s true they live longer and are more interesting than typical flowers but, can’t you see there’s beauty in simplicity? And in the magical world they always teach us that everything is possible and that might have been the reason for everyone’s pigheadedness. There, everything is instant and easy. If you break a cup you can just ‘Reparo’ it and it’s done, no consequences. There flowers are the same, you can just leave them be and they’ll grow beautifully, or you can pluck them and cast an everlasting charm and they will never wilt. But that doesn’t teach you anything good does it?”

“I still don’t understand.”

“ Harry…you see flowers symbolize a lot of thing, good things like, happiness, blessings, love…and even bad ones. These muggle plants teach us that if we do it right they might live forever and grow beautifully. They teach you to care, persevere and endure all hardship and to just keep on doing your best because one day it may all go wrong. But magical plants, they teach wizards to depend on them and neglect them because they can just stay fresh forever and they need no special attention they could just flick their wands and those flowers would just be beautiful. But Harry life is not like that, not here in the muggle world and certainly not there in the magical world. I remember I once broke a china, mum wouldn’t let me cast a simple ‘reparo’ on it, she said something precious that had been broken should not be that easy to fix. I cried as I picked up the pieces the shards leaving scars and blood, but you know what that taught me a lesson I’ll never forget…. Do you understand?”

“Yes mum, I do.”

“Good boy.”

I still remember that conversation for it was in that conversation that I was proud to be a halfblood and proud of my mother for she had the perspective of two; while many only had one. She has taught me so much about being open-minded, brave and to endure all hardships. Even my wounds when I fell were healed by plasters and not by magical potions and spells. She taught me to not be afraid of scars for they were reminders of what we went through and that we survived it. A person without scars is fragile, is what she says.

I am who I am today because I am both from magical and Muggle descents. I might not become great but I will endure better than most, my parents made sure of that. For their nurture, care and training I am thankful, I know I will need it. If I am to be happy I should stay strong, if I am to reach my goal I should be patient and if I should fall I must learn to endure the pain for my dream, my one wish, to love Nemo would require that of me.

“Harry! What’s taking you so long? Dinner would be cold if you don’t come down here this instant!”

XXX

“Ron!” I rushed forward and hugged my best friend tightly as he stepped out of the fire place. I could not help the grin that spread like wildfire across my face and I was sure it was leaving pink tinges on my cheeks. I was happy he was finally here, it seemed like I was waiting forever for him to arrive. I could not wait anymore to go the forest and see Nemo. It seemed like I had summoned all of my Gryffindor bravery today and I could not help but feel a certain adrenaline rush propelling me to do it now, lest I lose my wit if I shall wait a moment longer.

“Blimey mate, it’s good to finally see you after all this time, how long has it been?” Ron had asked me teasingly as he grinned at me as well. I rolled my eyes at him but before I could reply Ginny had beaten me to it.

“It’s been less than twenty four hours, and you two could not be kept away from each other. Wait till the whole family hears about you two getting together, oh it won’t be a surprise.” Ginny had playfully added as she winked at the both of us.

“Oi, you’re just jealous because it didn’t work out between you two.” Ron had proclaimed as he hugged me and stuck his tongue out at Ginny.

“Gross Ron! Disgusting, where’s your manly pride?” I exclaimed as I pushed him off of me. The three of us just laughed and joked some more as more of the Weasley clan poured in.

“Hey mum, Ron and I are just going to fly for a bit, just summon us if it’s time for lunch.”

“Boys and their brooms.” Mum rolled her eyes at us but her tone wasn’t condemning rather it was her way of showing us that she understood.

“Well alright, but be careful and the two of you don’t go into trouble.” Mum had reminded me like she always does.

“Thanks.” I kissed her cheek as Ron and I hurriedly fetched brooms from my broom closet. As we stepped out of the room we saw Ginny waiting for us.

“Hi!” She greeted us.

“Oh, hello, do you need something Gin?”

“The two of you are going to go see her aren’t you?”

“Yes, we are.” Ron had answered. Ginny bit her lower lip nervously as she hastily tucked a tendril of her long and straight red hair.

“Well, if it’s not much trouble I’d like to come with you. I know her now, and I really want to meet her.” Ginny looked really sincere when she said those words I could tell she really did want to come with us and meet Nemo.

“I know the two of you are friends and all now Gin, but I don’t think…” Ron had begun but I had stopped him before he could continue.

“If she and Nemo are friends now, I reckon it would be nice for her to have a female companion. Don’t you think so Ron?”

“Well, I suppose you’re right, but Harry, you know Nemo’s shy…” Ron had begun to protest, but Ginny cut him short…

“Harry says it’s fine then it’s fine. Well, come on then, let us not keep Nemo waiting.” Ginny said as she grabbed the broom she hid at the bottom of the stairs. Ron just sighed and complained about young people having no respect for their superiors, while Ginny just rolled her eyes at her brother’s antics. The three of us mounted our brooms and headed straight for the forest.

When we arrived at Nemo’s old run down cabin I could not help but grin for now I feel as though I have truly come back home. As my feet crushed the green grass and the cold wind blew some of my raven tendrils away I could not help but feel as though something was amiss.

It was like something was draped with an invisibility cloak, that something is still completely hidden from us but then that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It might just be waiting. Although, I still haven’t decided if it’s a good thing or a bad one. I quickly quash that nonsense thought, since there was only one thing that I was certain about and that is…

She’s there inside her cabin, waiting for us, waiting for me…

I was smiling now; it no longer pained me to think of her, since I have decided I was finally going to allow myself to love her. Now that I have finally chosen to take a chance despite the impossible, I was going to make this work.

But then…

XXX

“Hey Harry, you alright mate?” Ron asked me as he handed me a butterbeer. He plopped down beside me on the bench, the two of us are out here sitting in our rose garden. I’m tempted to say I’m not, instead I gulped down the cold butterbeer. It seems everything about this day is cold.

It’s already night time now and dinner had just finished. Instead of joining the others inside I’m out here sitting in the cold, drowning in my pathetic misery. I hate this. I hated the cold, it’s no longer as comforting as it used to be.

Now I just want to feel numb and not so idiotic and bloody vulnerable.

“I reckon your mum grounding you for a week for us coming back here three hours late is the reason for your foul mood. It’s not so bad mate, besides, I’d be staying here for a week to keep you company. So cheer up.” Ron nudged me, but I wasn’t feeling well, and I didn’t want to try and hide it.

“Do you think dad will let us drink firewhisky?” I asked him instead as I downed another gulped and winced as the icy drink slid roughly down my throat, funny, I couldn’t even taste the sweetness just its pronounced freezing effect.

“Not with your mum around he won’t.” Ron playfully added. I would have laughed too, except I don’t find anything funny.

“She wasn’t there Ron.” Ron sighed as he took a sip of his drink before replying.

“Maybe it’s just payback Harry, after all you have been the one who was avoiding her all this time.”

“I checked the mirror recently she’s still not there. Nemo might be mad but I know her she wouldn’t try to avoid you, or Ginny, even if she’s mad at me. We searched for hours, she wasn’t there and that’s not normal.”

“Harry, maybe you’re just over thinking things…” Ron didn’t get to finish his sentence as I threw the butterbeer at the ground the glass shattered and the cold drink wetted the grass and the bottom of our trousers and shoes.

But no one heard the crashing sound, no one, for it’s just me and Ron out here in the cold.

“Damnit Ron! Can’t you see something’s gone wrong? Tell me, surely you feel it too.”

“Okay mate, I admit I agree with you. What I don’t understand is why are you so bloody moody and worked up? Don’t get me wrong I’m worried too, but you seem more than worried and clearly pissed. Tell me, what is it really?” Ron asked me as he shifted in his chair to get a closer look at me. I can feel my glasses fogging up. I feel light-headed and suddenly very tired.

“You might not understand.”

“I’m your best mate, I’ll find a way to understand, even if Nemo claims I’m thick headed.” I smiled at that, the thought of Nemo always seemed to make me smile.

“I’m scared Ron…” I told him honestly.

“Of what?”

“Of this, of what I’m feeling. It’s more than worry and being pissed at Nemo’s disappearance. I’m also angry, confuse, disappointed, and there’s so much more. You see…I…forget it.” I said looking away instead focusing on the broken glass lightly glistening in the pale moonlight.

“I’m in love with her…” Ron suddenly blurted out and I turn to him quite surprised, what was he saying?

“That’s what you were going to say right?” Ron told me, looking at me with amused but understanding eyes.

“How did you know? When?” I asked him appalled, but at the same time I felt relief as well.

“When I saw you break down in the forest earlier it seemed to click into place. All this time, you’ve loved her.” Ron said as he smiled at me kindly.

“I…its wrong isn’t it?”

“I don’t think there’s a rule about it being prohibited.” Ron told me with a grin and I grinned back.

“Why…why aren’t you…I mean are you okay with this?”

“I wouldn’t lie, I’m worried. You know this love thing business, never been good with it, of course I’m not good with a lot of things but I reckon it’s not going to be easy. Of course you probably know that already, do you?” Ron asked me seriously and I almost laughed, it’s rare to see Ron act so seriously.

“I know.” I told him bluntly and Ron nodded in understanding.

“That’s good mate, now the important question…”

“Is she worth it?” He asked me intently his blue eyes piercing into mine. In a way I know he was also asking for Nemo’s sake. We’re both his friends. He just found out I was in love with his other best friend. And now he wants to be supportive but fair to the both of us. He wants to know if I was serious.

“Yes.” I answered simply and Ron let out a heavy sigh, and patted me on the back.

“Good. But if you break each others’ hearts I’ll have to kill you.”

“Why just me?”I asked him playfully pretending to be wounded.

“I can’t kill a ghost now could I?” Ron just grinned at me and we laughed at that. I was suddenly feeling a lot better. I promised to myself I was going to find Nemo and I was going to tell her how I felt. I waited so long, and now I’m afraid I might be too late.

XXX

I’m sitting here by the river throwing pebbles in the water each time causing ripples but they don’t last the river continues to flow downstream like I’ve done nothing. I realize no matter how hard I try the river will never fight back.

I let out a frustrated sigh and ruffle my already dishevelled hair. School’s about to start in two weeks and I still haven’t seen her. Where could she be? I can’t imagine her leaving without saying goodbye. I wonder if she’s that mad at me.

Not far behind I hear the zooming sound of a broom and shuffling behind me as I hear the person dismounting the broom.

“I thought you went home…” I asked Ron as he had said goodbye about twenty minutes ago telling me that he was already hungry since it was getting close to dinner time. I had chosen to stay behind. Summer is about to end and I still haven’t seen Nemo. I’ve been really depressed and hopeless as each day passed. I think I have found comfort in sulking.

“I just arrived, pup.” I quickly looked behind my shoulders as I recognize that voice anywhere.

“Sirius?” I gasped as I quickly stood up and dusted the grass stains off my pants and shook his hand.

“How are you pup?”

“Fine. What are you doing here?” I asked him for it truly was a surprise for me to see him here.

“Well, I was there sitting at home, enjoying a nice dinner by myself when Lily’s patronus came asking me to babysit her little boy and Ron as she and James are on a date. I don’t know about you but I stopped babysitting you since you started Hogwarts. What happened?”

I turned away I did not want to tell Sirius. I didn’t even tell my parents and they’ve been worried about me. They think I don’t notice but I do. They suspect something is wrong, and now Sirius does too.

“Ron’s all by himself at home when I arrived. Imagine my surprise; you two never left each other’s side before…did the two of you fight?”

“No…Ron and I we’re fine. It’s complicated.” I told him as I sat back down.

“Well…” Sirius begun as he plopped himself beside me and sat by my side.

“Can you just give me a vague explanation?” Sirius had pleaded, giving me one of those puppy dog eyes he uses on my father to get him to do what he wanted. I sighed since it’s working on me too…

“Alright…but it’s going to be really vague. Sure you can handle it?” I told him and I see the corner of his mouth twitch.

“How daft do you think I am pup? I may be old in your eyes but I most definitely am not senile. Go on then, be as vague as you want…” Sirius teased me as he cradled his face in both his hands, giving me an impression of a kid waiting to be read his favourite bedtime story.

“Okay, you see I lost something, something very important and dear to me, something I love. No matter how hard I try, I can’t find it and I’m afraid I’ll never see it again. And now all I feel is regret since I don’t think I’ve done a good job of taking good care of it. What do I do now?”

“Well, is that thing replaceable?” Sirius had asked me.

I thought about Nemo. Of all the things we did, all the laughter and talks we’ve shared, her voice, her smile, and everything that she is.

“No.” I told him honestly.

“Well, the things we lost, as long as we truly love them, are always with us.”

“But I can’t see it anymore, I can’t be with it anymore…” I told him sternly, and silently asking him silently to stop giving me bull.

“Haven’t you been listening pup? Those that are important to us never actually left. If you’ve looked hard enough then maybe it’s time for you to wait for it to turn up.”

We remained silent after that.

That night as I lay awake on my bed staring at my enchanted ceiling I promised myself to stop this crazy chase. Maybe, in some weird and frustrating way the world is telling me that Nemo and I shouldn’t be together. Or maybe it just isn’t our time…

I thought about her that night and I promised myself it would be the last time. It seemed that Nemo had moved on and maybe now, I should too.

XXX

“Harry! I’m going to Saint Mungo’s Hospital. Can you handle going to Floorish and Blotts by yourself?” Mum asked me as she wrapped her cloak around her healer’s robes.

“I’m not eleven mum. I’m sure I can handle buying my books by myself.”

“Oh, sometimes I forget you’re a big boy now. I think I’ll always see you as my little one.” Mum said as she enclosed me in a bone crushing hug.

“That’ sweet and all mum, but I think I’m getting a toothache…” I told my mum and she playfully ruffled my hair, I bent my head slightly so she could reach it and let her mess up my already untamable hair.

“Oh, hush you. Come on, grab your cloak, we’re flooing to Diagon Alley.”

XXX

I was walking towards the bookshop. I was alone with the list of my sixth year textbook and the NEWT classes I would be taking kept within my pockets, along with a chocolate frog, just in case I get hungry. As I paced the streets, I wave at familiar and excited faces as they went about shopping for their school materials.

Everyone’s excited for the incoming school year and despite everything, I feel excited too. Although, I still don’t know whether I want to become an Auror or a professional Quidditch seeker. I’ve taken up NEWT classes needed to become an Auror though, as I only need to take a few NEWT classes if I wanted to become a professional Quidditch player.

As I neared Flourish and Blotts, I realized that one of my shoelaces was untied. I stopped and bent down to tie it up. As I was finishing I hastily stood up, determined to continue my walk, but before I could take the first step I was painfully aware that I have collided against a collection of books and now I’m lying on the ground. I saw about twenty or more books scattered all around me. I wondered if I somehow crashed into a walking bookcase.

“Oh my God!” I heard a feminine voice speak but before I could see her face she had scrambled to the ground kneeling as she hastily gathered the large tomes all around her. Her thick ,wild, and brown curls falling like a curtain over her, and successfully hiding her face from any curious onlookers.

Embarrassed as I realized I might also be the reason why we were now in this predicament I too helped pick up her books. She must have been walking all alone carrying all those books and I wondered how she managed to do it. Surely it might have been easier to cast a shrinking charm or buy a bag like my mum’s.

“Here I handed about ten books to her, she then looked up, as if noticing me for the first time and when she did, she almost took my breath away. All I saw were big brown eyes, framed by thick and long dark lashes, I was mesmerized, I’ve never seen such beautiful brown color before and yet they looked oddly familiar.

“I’m sorry…” The girl had begun to speak as she bent her head once more and gathered more books stuffing them into her book bag. Oddly, her voice sounded familiar too.

“No problem.” I said as I grabbed a ‘Hogwarts A History’ book and helped her up.

“Thank you.” she said, and this time she looked at me with a smile which allowed me to see her face properly. She was beautiful, but not like Fleur who was so ethereal and perfect like a goddess, not like Ginny who was like fire, hot, tempting, fiery and seductive, no, she was beautiful like simplicity and innocence.

“You’re welcome,” I said handing her the book she gratefully took it and placed it at the top of her pilling books, before she started to bend down to carry the books in her arms. I can’t help but get this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I know her, that I should know her.

“So…you could have used a simple shrinking charm, it would have been easier to carry all those books.” I told her, and she stopped balancing her books and I could sense her trying to fight the blush that tinted her cheeks.

“Oh, sorry I forgot. I’m new to this.” She said as she put down all her books and shrank them.

“So are you a transferee to Hogwarts, I’ve never seen you before?” I asked her highly intrigued by this girl.

“Sixth year new student actually…” She told me as she placed her shrunken books inside her book bag.

“Come on child, let us go!” I heard professor McGonagall say as she approached the two of us. I was surprised what was the girl doing with my head of house.

“Good morning professor.” I greeted her.

“Potter. It’s good to see you too.” She greeted me but then turned back to the girl and looked at her.

“Come on, or we’ll be late.” Professor McGonagall turned and grabbed her hand and they went the opposite way. I spun around to watch them go, and as I did I saw her looking over her shoulder. I smiled at her and she smiled back and gently raised her hand as if to say goodbye. And as the sunlight reflected around her causing wonders that highlighted the different shades of browns in her hair and eyes, it was then that I realized. It was Nemo.

Struck with the realization, I sprinted towards them, but I was too late. Professor McGonagall had left with Nemo as they had just disapperated at the apparation point.

I didn’t know if I was right, all I knew was that the girl that I just saw, she looked exactly like Nemo. But why didn’t she recognize me?

I had a lot of questions in my head; but I knew all of them would be answered when I get back to Hogwarts.

For the first time in weeks, I finally smiled a genuine smile.

I could not wait for the term to start…

XXX

“Harry are you sure you saw her?”

“Yes Ron, I’m positive.” I told Ron exasperatedly.

When I got back from my trip to Diagon Alley, I had eagerly told Ron the news that I have seen her. And for a week I could not sleep just thinking of her. When we arrived at King’s Cross I kept looking for her, but I did not find her. I decided that I might see her at the Great Hall. So Ron and I played wizard’s chess, exploding snaps, and ate chocolate as we passed the time to Hogwarts.

We were now at the Great Hall and both Ron and I still haven’t seen her. We kept scanning the area hoping to find her trademark brown curly hair, but to no avail. Even Ginny had joined in searching.

“Attention!” I hear Dumbledore speak as he gave the compulsory opening speech to welcome the first years and transferees from other schools who have enrolled at Hogwarts and are to be sorted into Houses.

As the doors opened to welcome the first year students and transferees I could feel my heart stop. There she was. She was walking along with the transferees, her chin held up but her eyes betrayed her calm exterior, in them I could see her unease. I almost smiled at that, but then Ron nudged me at the side…

“Merlin Harry! I see her, that’s her isn’t it?” Ron asked, a look of disbelief in his face. I smiled now…

“Yes, it’s her.” I told him as I continued watching her.

“Now remember, she might just look like Nemo, so let us not scare her.” I said reminding Ron, he just nodded but I feel as though I was just saying those things to remind myself rather than him.

The reading of names had begun; it seemed forever until Nemo’s name was called.

“Hermione Granger…”

Hermione…

Granger…I repeated the name in my head, for some reason Granger sounded familiar.

Ron and I watched her take a deep breath. Then she bit her lip as she took slow steps towards the sorting hat.

“I’m telling you, that’s Nemo alright. You know she’s famous for her lip biting.” Ron told me. I was tempted to say I know, but my concentration was purely focused on Hermione as the hat was slipped over her head. It seemed I stopped breathing all over again. I kept wishing in my head to make the sorting hat put her in Gryffindor. I kept my fingers crossed under the table as the sorting hat remarked about Hermione’s brightness and brilliance, I could not help but feel proud, she was going to be the brightest witch Hogwarts would see, after my mum that is…

“Ravenclaw!” I heard the sorting hat exclaim and I could hear the Ravenclaw table rejoicing as she went to their table grinning happily and sat beside the blonde peculiar girl who wears the radish earrings. I know her as Ginny’s friend; Luna Lovegood. I noticed Hermione seemed happy as her housemates welcomed her. But then I was painfully aware that Ron sagged beside me…

“Bugger…” Ron sighed as he cradled his head in one of his arms.

“There goes our chance at winning the house cup…” Ron sighed as I jabbed him lightly at his side making him sit straight once more.

“Ouch! You know I was only joking, it sucks we won’t be able to talk to her during the Feast but she’s in our year, we’re bound to run into her. I’m just disappointed Nemo won’t be garnering points for our house, you know she’s pretty brilliant with this school stuff.” I jabbed Ron once more but then we broke out laughing.

I realized that it did not matter what house Hermione was in, even if she ended up in Slytherin; I could not care less what her house was, all I cared about is that she’s here, she’s finally here. Hermione and I…we had so much to do.

Which reminds me…

“Hey Ron?”

“Yeah?”

“Her name’s Hermione…”

XXX

I arrived at the library panting. I could feel my sweat pouring like a waterfall and sliding down my back, and my glasses seemed to be fogging up. I leaned at a nearby desk and started wiping my sweat with my handkerchief. I wouldn’t be surprised if I wring it and find water pouring from it. I started taking deep breaths as I struggled to even my heavy breathings.

The library seemed to be deserted as the students are still in the Great Hall enjoying dessert, and no one in their right mind would study in the library while classes haven’t begun. After dinner, Hogwarts students would all be likely in their commonrooms trading stories of their summer experiences.

From the corner of my eyes I could see Madame Pince looking at me with disapproving eyes but there was also a mixture of amusement.

“May I remind you Mister Potter, that the library isn’t going anywhere. There’s no need to rush.” She reminded me, I could not help but blush in embarrassment. I must look like a mess, the sweaty idiot running inside the library as if it was Hogwarts’ Express and I was running late.

I nodded in agreement and started walking around the area. I noticed that all the tables were empty and all the books still seemed to be in their correct places and untouched. I scanned the area hoping to catch a glimpse of Hermione.

I wanted to corner her and talk to her before we all retired to our respective common rooms. But I got distracted talking to Ron and the guys and when I glanced back at their table I noticed Luna sitting alone and I realized Hermione had left. I wanted to go into the common room and get my map but I realized that I still did not know our new password. There was only one place I could think of, the most likely place she would be found.

She always did talk so highly of Hogwarts Library, and she always seemed so eager to visit this place most. I showed her pictures of it once and I remembered the utter longing in her eyes as she scanned the pictures.

As I thought this, I hastily said goodbye to Ron and my friends just as dessert had begun. Ron even tried to persuade me that I would be missing out on delicious treats, but it didn’t matter; besides I always kept a chocolate frog inside the pockets of my robes. It has become a habit after all the times I passed out learning to cast a patronus against a boggart two summers ago. Remus not only taught me to cast a full grown patronus but he also taught me how helpful chocolate could be.

As I arrived at the magical creatures section in the library I was surprised to see a brown curly mane hovering around the area with a few opened books placed on top the nearby table. Her brows were all furrowed in confusion as she seemed to be well involved in her task. She didn’t even seem like she noticed me.

“Hermione right?” I suddenly blurted out; I mentally smack myself, of all the cool ways to start a conversation I had to start with the obvious. Gee, real smooth Potter.

She flinched and ungracefully dropped the book she was holding and she scrambled to pick it up, then nervously turned to face me. From an emotion of horror and embarrassment painted across her face it quickly turned into relief as she saw me. She gave me a shy smile as she tucked a stray curly lock that had fallen from her ponytail. Merlin, how I’d love to know how that wild hair of hers would feel like, wrapped around my fingers. I’ve seen that mane a thousand times, and yet I have never known it.

“Oh, it’s you. Potter, right?” She had asked me flushing from shyness. I could not help but smile. I was beginning to like seeing color to her cheeks.

“Harry Potter to be précised.” I told her grinning; it's weird that I seem to be reintroducing myself to her.

“Uhm, Hermione Granger.” She set her book down and held out her hand to me. I looked at her hands almost surprised, I never actually touched her hand before, everything about her just seemed like a constant cold wind. I smiled nonetheless and took her hand and I could not help but notice that it’s warm in my hands. I’m reminded once again that’s she’s real now, she’s here and she’s not a ghost.

“Why aren’t you at the Great Hall?” She had asked me.

“I could ask the same. Aren’t you excited to have your first taste of Hogwarts’ desserts?” I asked her back and she blushed once more. I smiled in excitement I never knew Hermione blushed so much; it just goes to show there are just more about her that I still haven’t known.

“Oh, I’ve never been much of a dessert person. And it must be an acquired taste since my parents are both dentists after all. Oh, uhm…” Hermione seemed to be suddenly uncomfortable as if she just said something offending which confused me, and then I realized the cause of her unease…

Dentists… her parents were dentist which means she must be of Muggle descent. She must have found out the prejudice the wizarding society have against muggleborns and now she doesn’t know what I will make of her…

I gave her one of my famous grin, the one Ginny swore made her swoon, although I doubt it came out as confident as I want myself to seem…

“Well I hope they didn’t pull out your sweet tooth, by accident of course.” She smiled slightly at that and I could feel her easing into the conversation with me.

“So…we did not finish our conversation before, how come you’re a new student here? Haven’t you been to other magical schools before?” I asked her curiously, for some reason I feel like I needed to hear her answer to this question for me to really make sure that she was indeed Nemo.

“Uhm, no…I’ve never been to a magical school before. This is my first time in one, but even if I’ve just known this world I feel as though I’ve been waiting a long time to finally be here you know.” She gave me a tentative smile and I sense she had grown shy once more. But I was confused, so I pressed on…

“What do you mean about being new to this world? Didn’t you receive your letter when you were eleven?” I asked her looking straight at her brown eyes, she averted my eyes then as if burned, and I started wondering if I crossed a line. I sighed; I wanted to do this right…

“It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable.” I reassured her, and she released a suppressed sigh and I felt her relax. But then she looked at me, this time it’s her brown eyes that’s peircing into mine…

“It’s alright, I feel as though, I can tell you anything. Like you’re an old friend…it’s silly, I know.” She tells me shyly instead. I smiled and I felt relieve that I did not lose her.

“You can trust me.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, after these she looked at me and begun to tell me her story.

She told me that on her seventh birthday her parents took her to a family picnic in the forest of Dean before her birthday party that night. She tried to cross the other side of the river by hopping from one stone to another when she slipped and fell into the river. She’s been a coma for almost ten years now. And she just recently woke up. She didn’t receive her Hogwarts letter since those letters are only delivered to young and living wizards and witches, she however was hanging in between during that time. She received her letter a week after she had woken up. She was staying in London now as she had undergone various tests to check her physical, mental and even her emotional health.

The doctors had commented that she was recovering well. When they made her take assessment tests to find out if her thinking skills had been affected during the almost ten years of having no brain activity; they were surprised, for the best they were hoping was for her to retain her knowledge when she was seven years old but when she took the tests they found out that she scored an average score for the tests designed for her age group. The doctors had wondered how she could have known about subjects she had yet to learn. Although she didn’t get a superior on those tests like she used to when she was seven, getting a passing and an average mark on those tests was quite a remarkable feat.

Her parents were in the middle of contemplating on whether to get her a private tutor or enrol her at a good high school when an owl arrived carrying a Hogwarts letter. At first they had thought it was a joke. But the letters kept coming back and after three days Professor McGonagall had showed up in the London flat that the Grangers’ were staying at.

She had told them that Hermione was a rare case as her name just recently appeared in the ministry of magic as a registered and underage witch qualified for Hogwarts. Without thinking, Hermione had said that she wanted to go. She was confused by how she seemed to be thrilled by the news rather than frightened like her parents were.

She had so many questions, she says and she wonders and thinks that maybe being at Hogwarts would answer them. Professor McGonagall, like the muggle doctors gave her tests both written and oral, and professor McGonagall was surprised that she seemed to be qualified to take up NEWT classes, not to mention she had scored incredibly high scores as if she had already learned all those lessons previously. Everyone was surprised with her skills, including Hermione.

She claims she had never known about this whole other world, but after she read and heard each question thrown at her it’s as if the subconscious part of her brain had told her the right answers and each time she got it correct she was shocked but not really surprised. And now she’s here, a school she never thought she would be at. Professor McGonagall had been a big help to her. She had been giving her lessons, orienting her about the magical world and the professor also helped her convince her parents to send her to Hogwarts as they had been reluctant and opposed to the idea of Hermione being away from them when they had just gotten her back.

As she told her story I had to fight myself from exclaiming and bouncing for joy. I had finally found her and I’m finally positive that she is Nemo. All the confusion I had faced suddenly cleared like all the puzzle pieces had finally fallen into place. There was just one more question I had to ask her…

“During your coma, is there anything you remember? Anything at all?” I asked her, by the furrowing of her brows, her story and her reaction towards me I already knew the answer. But I had to hear it from her.

“No…being in a coma felt like just sleeping, and waking up. Except I’m older and possessing all this knowledge that I know not how I learned.” She told me and I could sense she was being honest. I tried to hide my disappointment but she seemed to notice this as she gently touched my arm.

“Are you alright Harry?” Her voiced had asked me and I’m reminded just how many times this scene had played before, with her asking how I was feeling, and no matter how many times I’ve experienced this, her voice would always remain comforting. But for her, this was her first time trying to comfort me, her first time meeting me.

“Never better…” I told her as I gave her a rueful smile. I was disappointed, sad even that she didn’t remember me nor Ron and the friendship the three of us shared for almost six years now. She’s familiar, but to her I’m new. I’ve been waiting for her to arrive for so long and for her I’m just a stranger she had just met. But it was okay, I was fine, and today was truly better than yesterday…

I had managed to become her best friend before; I can become just her friend again. Although I had started the year hoping I could be more than her best friend, I guess I could manage starting from the beginning. No matter how long it takes, even if she will never remember those times we shared, even if it’ll only be my secret, my treasure to hide, those memories we’ve had would always be mine to keep, and hers to have lost won’t matter, for I’m determined to make new memories with her. We’ll get our bond back, one step at a time…

“You know, I truly do feel as if I know you. And I’m not just saying that…” Hermione tells me.

“Who knows, we might have met while you were sleeping.” I told her cheekily and she laughed.

“I’m not really good at making friends and I’m surprised how easy it is with you…” She confessed. And I could not help but smile again, even if she lost her memories at least the feelings have remained like all her learnings had stayed with her too.

“Which reminds me, why are you here?”

“Oh, well a housemate of mine, her name is Luna, she’s a lovely girl but she can be a little off too. She told me I had plenty of wrackspurts in my head and they’re the reason for my head being fuzzy. I don’t really know if I believe her or not, or if such creatures exists, since I have yet to encounter the mention of those creatures, but I’m also new to this world, for all I know they do exist. And she might be right…I figured I should check the library for a bit of information before we retire to our common rooms…”

I knew Luna was known for being whimsical and eccentric even to the point that people have been calling her a loony but I’m not about to tell Hermione that. I respect both girls too much to try and do something that might destroy their budding friendship, so I just kept quiet.

“Well, that’s nice…but couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow? You do know you have missed your first Hogwarts dinner for this don’t you? Well, you just missed dessert the better part of dinner might I add.” I told her teasingly and she flushed once more.

She threw her hands over her face to try and hide her embarrassment and failing miserably.

“Oh dear, you’re right! You must be thinking that I’m being so silly. Trust me I’m mostly reasonable.”

“I know…it’s alright.” I told her reassuringly.

“It’s just that I’ve always had a fascination for books, and I really wanted to visit the library too. Do you think we’ve missed dessert?” She asked me while looking at the clock…

“Well dinner time’s not yet over, but I wonder if there’s any left…” I told her honestly.

“Oh bugger! Come on let’s go, there might be some left…I haven’t tasted a magical dessert before, and I’ve read lots about how tasty they are, I can’t believe I let myself miss this opportunity…” Hermione continued to rant as I followed her out of the library smiling at how cute she was talking to herself…it was a rare sight seeing Hermione getting that worked up about her so called own idiocy as often times it’s Ron and I who receive those lectures.

“Hermione!” I told her as I caught up with her in the halls. Blimey, she was a fast walker.

“What is it Harry?”

I pulled out the chocolate frog in my pockets and gingerly gave it to her while it’s still in its box. I’m filled with nostalgia once more as I remember me doing this before except, on the first time that I did she wasn’t able to eat it and now she could. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes. Now it’s my turn to fidget and blush.

“Uhm…I…you said you’ve never eaten a magical candy before…right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s a chocolate frog. It’s delicious by the way. You should try it.”

“Thanks Harry,” She told me as she opened it and took a small bite. I watched her chew it and slowly licked the few remnants of chocolate at the corner of her lips after. A look of satisfaction and gratefulness adorned her beautiful face.

“It’s delicious Harry, thank you.”

“You’re welcome; you know there’s more where that came from. You should stick around and I might give you more treats.” I smiled at her and she laughed lightly at that.

“Well, I will only befriend you for the benefits you give me…” Hermione said rolling her eyes.

“Hermione…do you know how that sentence sounded like to a boy?” I told her playfully and she blushed profusely.

“Oh, you boys have nothing better to think of do you? Well Potter, get your mind off the gutter…” She replied playfully as she lightly swatted my elbows. The two of us ended up laughing and alone in the corridors, until I remembered we had another place to get to, and people to meet.

“Come on, or you’re going to miss dessert.” I told her as I held out my hand to her, and she took it without hesitation. We shared a brief smile before running off together towards the great hall.

When I met Hermione it was an accident.

When she became my best friend it was a blessing.

When I fell in love with her it was wrong.

When I saw her again, it was a miracle.

And this… us holding each other’s hand and beginning everything all over again, this is entirely imperfect. But you know what, this feels right…

It’s not going to be easy this I know of but…

That's what makes it more interesting.

FIN.

XXX

AN: I apologize for my mistakes I hate proofreading it’s just so tedious…

I hope you guys enjoyed and please, please do leave a review….I’m begging you especially if you like this…

Thanks for reading! This is Nym13, signing off…