hold that thought by ayumi-nb

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 7
Published: 22/08/2013
Last Updated: 22/08/2013
Status: Completed

Because before James Potter managed to sweep her off her feet, one Lily Evans had to learn that
he was more than cocky smiles and insufferable attitude—that he had, you know, moments like
these.




1. hold that thought
--------------------



My first ever James/Lily fic. Hope you like it, it was supposed to be a SHORt oneshot, but it…
kind of grew on its own. Srsly, I only wanted to make it sweet and short, and it grew into a
dramatic almost-9k-words long shot.

Oh, well.

I tried.

~
~

**“hold that thought”**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~****
~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~**

It started like this.

She glared at the kid that insulted her friend in the Hogwarts Express *(valiantly trying to
ignore the fact that Severus started the whole thing)*; she ignored the cute hair and round
glasses and adorable expression and simply glared, because his smug smirk *(or what the boy
thought was a smirk)* was grating on her nerves.

“So, you wanna be my girlfriend?”

James Potter *(and that was a name she was seldom to forget)* arched one eyebrow while he
awaited her answer. Lily didn't know it yet, but that would be the only time he was going to
ask such question and she, in all her preteen glory, gave him her most severe and disapproving
frown.

And then walked away.

**~**

She noticed the changes in him the moment they bumped into each other outside the Prefect's
compartment on the Express. They stood there, staring, waiting for the other to react. Lily was
fully expecting him to flash his cocky smile and start pestering her about dates.

Only, he didn't.

James averted his eyes, looking up and then to the side; letting out a sigh, he seemed to steel
himself before focusing his hazel-coloured eyes on her. Then, he gave her a tentative smile; no
smugness, no cockiness, just a genuine little smile that made her heart flutter for several
seconds.

Lily was so shocked *(and it probably showed, because his smile lost its tentativeness but
acquired a gentleness she never thought him capable of)*, that he simply reached behind her and
opened the door to the Prefect's compartment, urging her to enter with a firm, but gentle push
on the small of her back.

All through the meeting, her focus drifted between the boy next to her and what the Head
students were saying. Sometimes she could feel his eyes on her, but every time she stole a glimpse
of the black-haired boy, he was either completely focused on the meeting or levelling a cold stare
at Severus. Suddenly, Lily realized she was so used to see James being an arrogant prankster and
losing control of his hatred of Severus that seeing this side of him, cool and collected, unnerved
her more than it should.

Once the meeting was over, and they were on their way to their respective compartments, James
went back to being the tentative boy she bumped into before the Prefect' meeting. Only, this
time, the change in attitude didn't unnerve her but… was actually pleasing, if a little
weird.

“So, um… Evans, how was your summer?” he asked, sounding a little nervous, while fidgeting with
the collar of his shirt.

Lily sent him a startled look, but answered nonetheless. “It was good. My parents planned a trip
to France. We spent three weeks there and then I went to stay with my grandparents.”

James was smiling at her again, that little smile from before, the one that sent her heart
aflutter. “That's good. Sounds like an exciting summer. I hope you enjoyed it, Evans.”

As they walked to the back of the train, Lily was vaguely aware of the students they passed by
doing double takes when they caught sight of *the* famous Gryffindor duo. After all, it was
disconcerting to see Lily Evans walking side by side with James Potter and having an actual
conversation. She knew that by the end of the trip to Hogwarts, the rumour mill of the school would
have come up with thousands of explanations and other unsavoury stories as to why James and she
were not arguing.

However her sole focus was on the bespectacled boy, on how he seemed to look more mature and…
how much she was actually *enjoying* this side of him. “I did. Very much in fact, thank
you.”

They continued walking side by side; drawing more and more stares towards them, until Lily
couldn't stand the silence anymore.

“What about you, Potter? Was your summer any good?” she asked, wondering exactly why as
she'd never felt compelled to initiate any kind of interaction with him before.

James sent her a surprised look, but his lips twitched before stretching into what was rapidly
becoming *his smile*. “Oh, it was good. I spent some time with Sirius, Remus and Peter, just
hanging out. But mostly with Sirius, as he's been staying at my house since the beginning of
the summer.”

Now that caught her attention. “He is?”

Her question made him cringe, as if only now remembering he wasn't supposed to say that.
And, judging by the way he looked around them before moving closer, she was most definitely right.
She forgot all about this, of course, as his closeness made her heart flutter inside her chest
again. He wasn't too close, but certainly closer than he had ever been before—closer than she
had ever allowed him to be.

James spared one last glance around them before answering her question. “I'm not supposed to
say this, er… I wasn't supposed to say anything to begin with, so you must promise me not to
tell anyone.”

Intrigued by all the secrecy, she nodded slightly and leaned even closer and—really, what was
*wrong* with her?

“Sirius ran away from his family the day after we arrived at King's Cross. He showed up at
our doorstep with nothing but his school trunk and wand. My parents didn't wait for an
explanation and simply told him to stay as long as he wanted, and, well…” He straightened up, his
focused ahead of them, but Lily was sure he wasn't seeing the hallway. “There was never a
reason to think about it. Sirius, Remus and Peter are my brothers in all but blood.”

The strength behind his words made her pause, although she wasn't certain why.

James took two more steps before realizing she had stopped; he turned around, questioning her
action with a simple tilt of the head, but before either could even open their mouths to speak the
compartment door to her left opened to reveal one Dorcas Meadowes.

“Oh, Lily, there you are! I've been wondering where—oh, *hello* James,” she said,
ending her sentence with a seductive smile.

For some foreign reason, the way her friend was acting grated on her nerves. It didn't help
that James decided that moment to go back to his usual holier-than-thou attitude and give Dorcas
his trademark cocky smirk. So, of course, Lily had to put a stop to that.

“Did you need something, Dorcas?”

And maybe her question came out harsher than what she intended, but it fulfilled its purpose and
broke whatever flirting was about to happen.

The girl moved her gaze back and forth between James and her, and then Dorcas turned to face her
fully and gave her a sheepish smile. “I was just wondering what was taking you so long.”

James seemed to take that as his cue to leave, probably sensing her rising temper *(not that
she blamed him, she could feel it boiling too)*. “Well, milady, it seems I have accomplished the
task of escorting you to the safety of your humble abode. Now, I must take my leave.”

Lily truly expected him to turn his smirk on her, almost begged him to do it and give her a
reason to be mad at him, but she was thoroughly disappointed. Because, as soon as their eyes
locked, James' smirk was replaced with *his smile*.

And her heart went fluttering against her ribcage. Again.

With a small wave in her direction, James walked by her and down the hall, and to Lily's
great surprise, towards the front of the train.

**~**

For the next two months, everything went back to normal, well sort of.

The Marauders still were playing pranks on the students, but this time it were harmless and more
to brighten up the castle with a little bit of laugher, and even the staff couldn't remain
immune to their humour for long. Of course, that didn't mean all was peachy, no. Because while
the Marauders didn't bully anyone anymore *(not even Severus)*, they most certainly
retaliated against the Slytherin students that bullied anyone from the other three Houses.

And did it with a vengeance.

It was on the morning of All Hallows Eve that something happened; something that shook her down
to her very core.

It was after Potions class. Slughorn had held back both James and Sirius, probably to lecture
them about their performance in class. Those two were pretty smart, but their mutual dislike for
their Potions Professor clouded their judgment and didn't allow them to succeed.

Remus had stayed behind with them and asked her to tell Peter that they would meet him for
Transfiguration. Lily had agreed and left the classroom just as Slughorn berated the boys about
their lack of brewing skills and how their goal of being Aurors was doomed to fail if they
didn't get their act together.

Barely, out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed Severus and some of his Slytherin friends
snickering just out of sight in the hallway, but paid him no mind and quickly made her way up the
stairs *(it still hurt to think of what her once best friend said to her)*. At the top of the
stairs leading down to the dungeons, however, Lily realized she'd left her potions book, and
assignment for next week, next to her cauldron. Cursing her distraction *(that lately, grew
exponentially every time James gave her* **his smile***, which happened an awful lot during
Potions)*, Lily quickly descended the stairs back to the dungeons and arrived just in time to
see what was clearly the end of a spat *(which was really an understatement)* between James
and Severus.

"How's your daddy, Potter? Had any accidents lately?" Severus' tone was so
smug, so *certain*, that it was obvious he knew exactly what he was saying.

For a brief second, the red-haired witch wondered if something really *had* happened to
James's father. The inquiry forming in her tongue, however, vanished when, instead of
responding with the usual violence, James merely tensed up before turning to face his nemesis, the
icy stare she'd seen on him during the Prefects' meeting on the Express back at it
fullest.

"He's been better. But he's *certainly* better than your mummy,
Snivellus."

The cold fury behind the insult made it all the worse, if Severus' paling face said
anything. James spun around quickly, Sirius and Remus following his lead, and Lily thought that was
a good moment to step in, before things got out of control.

But, of course, she wasn't fast enough.

Severus pulled out his wand shockingly fast while the Marauders' backs were turned and fired
a spell, screaming it so loud it drowned out her yell. "SECTUMSEMPTRA!!"

James never had a chance of avoiding it; it hit him right in the middle of his chest as he
turned to fight back. James flew back, slamming against the wall next to her, and she screamed. She
was positive she screamed because James' face had a long gash pouring out blood at an alarming
rate while his clothes were rapidly staining with red on several places across his upper body.

*"JAMES!"*

After that, everything was a big confusing blur to her. She remembered falling to her knees next
to the injured boy; she also remembered cradling his head on her lap and trying to keep him
conscious. Vaguely, she remembered Sirius and Remus attacking the Slytherin group viciously,
Professor Slughorn coming out of his classroom and start screaming at the Marauders about
unprovoked attacks and severe consequences.

But she most certainly remembered uttering the words that cut whatever bonds she had left with
Severus permanently.

"Snape did it, Professor. *Snape* fired the curse when James' back was
turned."

She didn't know it then, but her voice had been a cold monotone as she gently pressed her
own robes to the bleeding wounds of the boy who had done nothing but annoy her for the last five
years.

At some point, Slughorn sent someone for help, because suddenly Lily was watching as Professor
McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey took an unconscious James to the Hospital Wing and Headmaster
Dumbledore took Snape to his office.

Snape. That's who he was to her now, *Snape*. Just another Slytherin bully.

When she finally managed to snap back to reality, the green-eyed girl was facing the remaining
Marauders. Remus looked at her clothes once and flicked his wand, cleaning her of the blood. Sirius
looked solemnly at her before handing over her backpack.

"Thank you," she said softly and then hurried to her next class.

She forgot all about her potion's book and assignment.

The rest of the day passed in a haze, Lily couldn't focus on the lectures. Not that she
really *wanted* to, her mind too troubled, too wrapped up in the fact that her dear friend was
finally *gone*. That the Severus she once knew was no more—that he chose to travel the path of
the pure-blooded bastards that looked at her as filthy trash.

Then there was James. Reckless, impulsive James Potter being the bigger man and willingly
walking out of a fight he would have most likely won. James, that instead of responding with
childish insults and stupid, harmful pranks, simply turned his back on his nemesis.

The very same James that now lay in the Hospital Wing, injured due to a dark Curse *(because
Lily had no illusions, it had been a dark Curse)*.

Her feelings about the whole ordeal were a little conflictive. Oh, she knew Snape was for all
intents and purposes dead to her, but James… Lily knew she was worried about him, that Curse
could've killed him if Headmaster Dumbledore hadn't gotten the counter for the Curse out of
the culprit, but exactly *how* worried she was, she didn't know. Was it friendly concern?
Something more? It had to be something more, if the fluttering of her heart meant anything at all,
but… did she wanted it to be more, right now?

*No. I don't know.*

Imagine her surprise, though, when against her better judgment *(it was, right?)*, she
decided to forgo the Halloween feast and instead went to the Hospital Wing. She found the Marauders
surrounding the still form of James as they plotted ways to avenge their injured brother. Sirius
saw her first, showing his surprise briefly before giving her a tentative smile. Remus and Peter
turned to look at her and repeated the gesture. Feeling more confident, Lily approached the
Marauders and took a sit next to Remus, the spot closer to the head of the bed.

Her three housemates continued their plotting, and though Lily knew she should stop them, or at
least go report them to a professor, she couldn't bring herself to leave her spot. So, instead,
she focused on the healing face of her personal annoyance, which, lately, was not so much of an
annoyance but a relatively good bloke. She remembered how he had looked just last week as he had
been helping some First Years with their Transfiguration homework, so enthusiastic and alive, and
now… to see him so pale and weak.

It was truly disheartening.

Without really thinking, she grasped his hand, holding it between her own and willing him to
wake up, if only to pester her with requests for a date. Really, right now, she would take James at
his worse as long as he was up and about, healthy and strutting like he owned the place.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but… please, James, wake up. I'd rather have you
pestering me about dates than laying here and—”

“—looking like death?”

Her whispered sentence was cut off short by the very same boy that was now grasping her hand
tightly. Lily jumped, startled and feeling very embarrassed at being found out showing concern over
James Potter, by the very same James Potter. She tried to free her hand, but he didn't relent
and tightened his hold enough to stop her, but not enough to hurt. The pleading look in his hazel
eyes broke her resolve to leave him be and she relaxed once again, proceeding to hold his hand as
she had been doing.

“Well, you definitely are a sight for sore eyes,” said James, a half-hearted attempt at
humor.

She acknowledged his effort with a little smile, resisting the urge to run her fingers through
his black locks. “How are you feeling?”

“I've been better.”

“Well, that's an understatement.”

He chuckled and immediately winced in pain, moving his other hand to clutch the clothes above
his chest. The pain must've been too much, because he ended up gasping for air.

Lily leaned forward, feeling dread creeping into her mind, as she looked at him worriedly. “Are
you alright?”

Taking some deep breaths, James managed to nod his head slightly. “Yeah, just… a little
sore.”

She sat back, wanting to berate him for baiting Snape, but refraining from doing so. Because she
knew there was no way he could have known Snape would use such a dark spell on him, no one could
have known, except maybe, the Slytherins themselves. Finally, Lily gave into her urge and let her
left hand wander until it threaded through his hair. She wasn't paying much attention at his
reaction, but caught his shocked expression and the blush that rushed to his face.

James averted his gaze, letting his eyes scan their surrounding before he settled back to look
at her. “Where's Sirius? And Remus?”

His question made her not only realize her action, but the sudden lack of comments from the
Marauders. Somehow, she'd forgotten all about her three other housemates. She looked around
questioningly, but shrugged at finding the Hospital Wing deserted except for James and herself.

“I don't know,” she said. “They were right here when I arrived. All three of them.”

“Ah.”

“They were plotting ways to avenge their fallen brother,” she added after a few seconds, smiling
mischievously.

“And you are condoning such behaviour, Miss Prefect?” His look said it all; he was thoroughly
shocked.

But his question sobered her up enough to let her mischievousness go. Looking at their joined
hand, she answered. “He deserves whatever's coming his way.”

“Lily, you… you don't *believe* that…”

She saw his face twisting in pain as he tried to sit up. She reached over with her left hand,
grazing the healing scar on his face gently, and then looked him right in the eyes. “But I do.”

James closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillows. For several seconds, neither said a
word, willing the sombre mood to go away, and it finally did, when he opened his hazel eyes and
gave her his trademark smirk “So, can I make use of my pitiful state to secure a date with you this
upcoming Hogsmeade weekend?”

Far from annoying her, his attitude brought a smile to her face. But still, there were certain
expectations to meet so…

“Not in this life, Potter.”

And, oh, how wrong she was going to be.

**~**

They entered into a weird kind of friendship after that night.

Their interaction expanded beyond the usual Prefect duties, or James' pestering. They spent
time together doing homework now, or simply sitting next to each other while one or the other read
a book. Lily was now included in whatever activity the Marauders were planning, only if it
didn't include pranking someone *(she was, after all, a Prefect and had to act
responsible)*. And it amazed her how much these four boys knew about the castle and its secret
passages and corridors. Sometimes James would keep her company while she studied in the library,
and sometimes she would sit with Remus and Peter to watch the other two Marauders practice
Quidditch with the team.

It was always one thing or the other.

Something she became aware later, was that there always seemed to be two or more Marauders with
her at all times. She knew it was because James feared the Slytherins were planning to get back at
her for pointing her finger at Snape on Halloween, because they all knew if it hadn't been for
her, Slughorn wouldn't have believed Sirius or Remus, not over his precious Potion Master
in-the-making.

The rumour-mill of Hogwarts was already speculating at this unexpected turnabout. Some whispered
of a secret relationship between she and James, other of how Snape tried to force himself on her
and James came to her rescue *(like a freaking Knight in shining armour!)* and thus ended up
hurt while protecting her honour. Other, the Slytherins most likely, whispered about how she was in
a relationship with *all* the Marauders at the same time and Snape was simply trying to put a
stop to such a travesty *(four Purebloods, traitors or not, sullying their linage with a
Mudblood, unacceptable)*.

Whatever the rumour of the day was, Lily Evans soon became an unofficial member of the
Marauders, and whatever her relationship with James Potter was, she definitely didn't think of
him as a toe-rag anymore.

**~**

Christmas Holidays arrived much too soon for Lily's liking, and she was surprised to find
herself not looking forward to spending two weeks with her family.

Of course, part of it was because of her crumbling relationship with her sister, another… well,
she didn't want to think of it right now.

“So, you going back to the muggles, Evans?”

She pulled her gaze away from the book she was reading to send Sirius a mild glare; he was the
only one still calling her by her surname, but he said it was only until he found a suitable
nickname for her *(and only then, he'd said, she could become a true Marauder)*. Sirius
only gave her his insufferable smirk, similar to James' but somehow more grating *(that could
be, of course, because she actually liked James now—a little bit)*.

“They are my parents, and yes. I can't miss it; it's a family tradition to spend
Christmas together. My grandparents and some of my aunts and uncles are all coming down to spend it
with us.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“It is.”

What she didn't say, was that the fun began and ended on Christmas day, for the rest of the
holidays she had to spend it listening to her sister making snide comments about the Wizarding
world. That was not fun at all.

“Well,” said Sirius again. “You have to find a time to escape your relatives and come over
James' place, if only for a little while. You'll love it, I promise.”

He winked at her and her only response was an arched eyebrow. Before she could answer back with
a witty remark, James came into the Common Room, followed by Remus and Peter. He was just in time
to see Sirius sending her his trademark smirk.

“Hey, what's this, Padfoot? I leave you alone and you start hitting on her? Not cool,
brother, I called dibs.”

This, of course, once upon a time, would have enraged her—someone calling dibs on her. But the
humour dancing in his hazel eyes, as well and Sirius' grey eyes, gave away the teasing that was
actually taking place.

Sirius' smirk widened and he moved over to sit on the couch next to her, leaving her other
side available for James, who took a sit as well. The white sheep of the Black family threw his arm
over her shoulders and leaned over to stick out his tongue to the Scion of Potter.

“Careful, brother, this bird doesn't like to be treated as a possession. She could hand you
your arse for calling dibs like that.”

By then, all those present in the Common Room were watching in fascination, smiling amusedly or
grinning at the Marauders interaction.

Lily simply rolled her eyes as she caught sight of James mock-glare and brushed off Sirius arm
before standing up, and turning to face the jokesters. “This bird has a name, and this bird would
rather sweep the floor with you before touching anyone's arse.”

That been said, she began to gather her books and parchments, trying, and failing, to supress
the smile that attempted to break free as she heard James and Sirius laughing. The rest of her
housemates were chuckling along too.

“Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to bed.”

“A moment, Miss Evans.”

James' voice made her stop, turn and stare.

As one, the Marauders stood up and approached her with mischievous smiles on their faces.
However, before she could so much as become weary, they acted. Remus and Peter moved first, each
pressing a firm kiss to each of her cheeks before dashing for the stairs, yelling a hearty
goodnight in between laugher. Sirius was next, as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed
*(more like slobbered)* her cheek as well. As he let her go, making a quick dash for the
stairs, Lily glaring at him while wiping her cheek, James stepped in.

His embrace was gentler; it took her by surprise as she turned her head quickly, almost
accidentally kissing him. He gave her *his smile*, and slowly, probably to give her time to
stop him, he leaned in to place a firm kiss to her unattended cheek, much more closer to her lips
than the other boys. Then, he was pulling away.

“Goodnight, Lily-flower.”

She wasn't even aware of when she grabbed hold of his jumper, but suddenly she saw him there
and he was oh, so close and she was so tempted to close the distance between their lips and steal a
kiss and—

“THAT'S IT, LILY-FLOWER!”

—and Sirius' booming voice completely broke the spell and had them both stepping away while
trying unsuccessfully to hide their blush.

“That's going to be your name! Lily-flower!”

She smiled ruefully and bid him goodbye, needing to be in her room as soon as humanly possible
and sort these confusing feeling out.

*I was going to kiss him. God, I was going to kiss James Potter.*

“PADFOOT!”

Her musings were lost in the sudden commotion created by the Marauders, as always.

**~**

Sometime between the arrival of the Prophet via owl post and the ringing doorbell, Lily thought
it was fortunate that such tragedy happened after Christmas day.

**“HEAD OF HOUSE, CHARLUS POTTER, DIES MISTERIOUSLY WHILE** **EN ROUTE** **TO THE
MINISTRY OF MAGIC.”**

The story went on to speculate about the unfortunate death, especially of such an influential
man. Being the Head of an Ancient and Noble House made it all the worse, as his sole Heir was still
a student at Hogwarts. There was no date to the funeral, no place either, but the Prophet was
nothing if not good at making assumptions. And in this case, those were accurate.

But Lily cared not about that. Her eyes were focused on the black, bold letter spelling out the
name. *Charlus Potter*. James's father had died, and she had no way of getting to his
house. Before the panic could set in, her sister stormed into the kitchen.

“One of your… *kind* is waiting for you at the door, freak,” she snarled.

But Lily was beyond caring about how her sister seemed to despise her now; she clutched the
Prophet in her hand and rushes through the hall to the front door, wondering who would come to her
house.

“Hey, Lily-flower.”

She most certainly didn't expect Sirius Black.

He looked at her hand pointedly, before smiling grimly. “Already on the Prophet I see.”

“Sirius…”

“Well, come now, the funeral is about to start and… James would appreciate you being there for
him now.”

She blinked a few times and then snapped into action. “Just let me go and grab my cloak.”

She didn't see Sirius nodding as she raced up the stairs to her room. Her mother was coming
up as she raced back, but Lily didn't give her time to speak, merely told her she would be back
later and then was closing the front door. Grabbing Sirius arm, she panted. “How are we getting
there?”

He gave her a small smirk, that didn't even reach his eyes, before gripping her hand
tightly. “Apparition, of course.”

She barely had time to register his words and then was being squeezed through a tube, only to
land on what appeared to be the backyard of a majestic palace seconds later. Sirius said nothing as
he led her to the front rows and she soon spotted James sitting next to who she assumed was his
mother. She eyed him worried, this expressive and joyful boy, now sat with his back straight and a
carefully blank expression on his face as he held his mother hand. His gaze locked on the casket
resting on a small podium in front of the people.

Remus and Peter were already there, and they gave her a simple nod in response to her sad smile.
There were two seats left between James and Remus, and contrary to what she expected, Sirius made
her sit next to James. Only then, the Scion of Potter acknowledged her presence, and gave her a
tiny ghost of *his smile*, before returning his blank gaze ahead, where his father lay.

Lily ached for him. She wanted so much to wrap her arms around him and soothe his pain, so, so
much; to cradle his head on her shoulder and tell him everything was going to be alright, but… It
wouldn't be proper. She wasn't exactly well-versed in the ancient laws and customs of the
Wizarding world, but she knew enough to supress her urge to comfort him. At least for now.

After everyone spoke for the late Charlus Potter, and the guests left the family to mourn alone,
Lily found herself aching to look for James. She remained close to the Marauders, and listened as
they whispered the truth no one seemed to want to say out loud.

This was no accident, no mysterious death.

*Is the war already…?* Her thought trailed off as she saw the object of her worries walk
towards their little group slowly. James looked devastated, lost and on the verge of breaking down,
but no one said anything. They all greeted him with sad smiles and words of support.

“Thanks for being here, Lily,” he said after a prolonged silence.

“It's alright. Sirius brought me, otherwise I wouldn't have known how to get here.”

“Right.”

Another prolonged silence went by, until she caught sight of Remus exchanging pointed glances
with Sirius and Peter, and then the three boys excused themselves and went back into the house.

James took a deep breath before turning to smile at her, and failing at that. “It's getting
late, I… should probably take you back to your family.”

“I…” Lily was at a lost, a small part of her wanted to berate him for Apparating illegally, but
the other part didn't have it in her to do so, especially not now. “Okay.”

A few minutes later they were standing on her front porch while the sky darkened above them. And
Lily couldn't hold her urge any longer, so tentatively, she placed her hands on his chest and
slid them up and around his shoulders, forcing James to bend a little, as he was almost a head
taller than her.

“I'm sorry,” her voice broke as sobs surged up and racked her small frame. “God,
*James*, I'm so sorry.”

His breath caught in his throat, and a beat later his arms wound around her shaking form,
pressing her against his body as they both shook with suppressed sobs. Lily didn't stop
murmuring and soon she felt the clothes over her shoulder dampen. She let his cry for as long as it
took, revelling in the knowledge that he trusted her enough to be this vulnerable around her. She
didn't care how long they stood there, ignored her mother's shocked interruption, and
whatever else happened around them. Her only concern was the hurting boy finding comfort in her
arms.

Because Lily knew, in a moment of clarity, that these were the first tears James Potter shed
over the loss of his beloved father.

**~**

Christmas had brought another change in their relationship.

They were closer now, Lily couldn't tell *how*, but she felt it. True, the past
semester they had acquired a great level of friendship and comfort in each other, but now… now
there was definitely *more* there. Much more.

They seemed to always gravitate towards each other now, every time they were in the Common Room
or and one the classrooms, or the Great Hall. No matter where they sat initially, they ended up
next to each other. Lily couldn't remember a time where she would turn to look next to her and
wouldn't find James Potter sitting there, doing homework or reading a Quidditch magazine or
simply resting.

He was always there now.

And she liked that.

**~**

Valentine's arrived with the same excitement of every year.

And Lily welcomed it with the same dread of every year.

It wasn't that she didn't like it, she did, in a way. It was an excuse to celebrate a
wonderful feeling and be generally lazy, especially if the Professors decided to give them a free
day. Like today, Monday 14th, and Lily was escaping the whispers and curious glances of
her classmates.

The years previous to this Valentine's she had used to spend the day with—with her former
best friend; at first they spent it in the Library, but the last three years they went to Hogsmeade
together, as friends of course.

But that was no longer an option this year, and worse yet, in a fit of frustration she had
snapped at Dorcas that she already had a date for Valentine's, and only because her friend
would simply *not* shut up about how very wonderful it would be if James asked her out.

So, yeah, maybe she shouldn't have gotten so jealous of Dorcas wishes *(or the fact that
Dorcas could actually voice said wishes)*, but still… It was getting ridiculous! And now she had
to make sure the rumours didn't get to James before she could explain what really happened
*(without telling him of her sudden jealousy)*, or—

“So, I heard you have a date tonight, Lily-flower.”

—shite.

Of course, she should've known. Nothing escapes the ears of the Marauders.

“Sirius.”

That was all the acknowledgement she gave him and then continued her trek to the Great Hall,
Sirius shadowing her steps.

“So it's true?”

“What's true?”

“The rumours of you having a date tonight?”

Sirius caught up with her, blocked her way and cornered against the wall. She bit back the
choice of words about to escape her mouth when she saw how troubled and upset he looked.

“What's got your knickers in twist?”

Huffing loudly, Sirius passed a hand through his hair before levelling her with a sombre look.
“I want you to stop leading James on.”

Now that was unexpected.

“*What?*” hissed Lily, casting a quick glance at their surrounding before glaring daggers
at Sirius. “What makes you think I'm leading him on?”

“Well, lately, you've been so nice to him—”

“I'm nice to *everyone*! Especially my friends! James *is* my friend!”

“But it's different for him!”

However, before she could reply with a nasty comment, Sirius waved his hand to make her stop
talking and then started pacing in front of her.

“Look, I now you're a kind person and that it's in your nature to be nice to everyone,”
he began. “But James sees it differently. He's in love with you, Lily, and everything you do
for him, every nice gesture and every kind word, is another grain of hope falling into his heart.
He analyses all you do, trying to see what fuels your actions, if your feelings for him are simply
platonic or not.”

“Oh…”

“Look, just—cut the drama and tell him how you feel!”

“WHAT?”

“Oh, for the love of—don't look at me like that! It's obvious to anyone who cares enough
to watch you! You're in love with him too!”

“I AM—”

But their discussion was cut short by the very topic of it. Because James Potter decided to walk
around the corner at that moment and stumble upon a glaring match between two of the most important
people in his life. And, probably sensing the awkward atmosphere, tried to smooth thing over.

“Alright, what did you do this time, Padfoot?”

However, the boy in question only glared at Lily some more before storming away in the direction
of the Great Hall. And when James turned his inquisitive hazel eyes on her, Lily did the only thing
she could think of: she ran in the opposite direction.

Some Gryffindor she was.

**~**

The problem with Sirius was that, while he joked about everything, he didn't joke about his
friends. So what he said about James was most certainly true. Lily knew it, of course she knew it,
and up until now she'd done a grand job ignoring it too, but *no*, Sirius had to go and
bust her little bubble.

The *SOB*.

Thus, it was with a shaken resolve that Lily made her way back to the Great Hall, purposely late
for lunch and hoping the Marauders would be long gone. But lady luck seemed to be enjoying her
misery so far, for there they were, still sitting at the end of Gryffindor table.

As if that were not enough, by the way every remaining student turned to look at her a she
walked in, she surmised the rumours of her *date* had spread through the other houses like
wildfire.

*Now I need an actual date.*

Trying to seem as calm and collected as always, Lily sat down next to Remus, right across from
James, who smiled brightly at her and passed her a plate filled with all her favourites. This
gesture brought Sirius' words back.

*“He's in love with you, Lily!”*

It took her damnest best to stop her face from going bright red. She accepted the plate with a
tentative smile, and for a while all was well. The Marauders were regaling her with tales of their
latest adventure and giving her details of how they made their pranks work so well, when Dorcas
appeared next to her, a look of triumph mixed with pity.

*Oh, shite, she found out the true.*

“So, Lily, about your date tonight…”

James started choking on his drink, Sirius cringed, and Remus and Peter looked like they
swallowed a lemon.

Lily didn't wait for Dorcas to finish talking, she held up her hand, motioning for the girl
to shut up, before turning her flushed face to James. “Can't believe I'm saying this, but…”
muttered Lily, before putting her best sad-puppy face. “Will you go out with me, James?”

The silence that followed her question was deafening. But Lily kept her expression as helpless
as possible, because, hey, even with Sirius' words ringing inside her head, there was no
telling whether James would accept or refuse her.

She hoped for it to be the former.

After a while, James seemed to snap out of his stupor. He blinked a few times and then, oh so
very slowly, parted his lips to respond *(and why, in the name of all that's holy, was she
looking at his lips)*. “Hmm. Maybe.”

Lily felt shock run through her, freezing her on the spot and when she thought it was going to
consumed her, she caught the smile wanting to break free on the corner of his mouth *(and again
the fixation with his lips)*. Lily scoffed and reached across the table to shove him away.

“Oh, you!”

James chuckled as he grabbed her offending hand. “Well, Miss Evans, I guess I've earned the
right to think about your proposal.”

“Yes or no, James.”

James grinned and she started to feel that well-known annoyance that she learned to associate
with James Potter over the years. Although now, it was laced with a… complicated feeling.

“Well, I suppose, I'll say yes.” Suddenly, James shot to his feet, and forced the Marauders
to the same. “Come on, ladies, you have to help me pick out my best dress robes!”

With hearty laugh, James left the Great Hall, leaving a stunned Lily behind.

Still in shock, the red-haired girl turned to Dorcas. “I guess that makes me the bloke.”

**~**

Who would have thought, that she would instigate her first date with James Potter?

Certainly not Lily.

When they walked into Hogsmeade, James looked at her expectantly, one eyebrow raised in poorly
concealed amusement. “Oh, I'm so very happy you asked me out. I've been dreaming of this
day since First Year!”

The girly tone of his voice and the way he flipped invisible hair over his shoulder made her
giggle, successfully breaking the ice.

“Behave, Potter, or I'll turn around and go back to the Castle,” she said, feigning a stern
tone.

He laughed and stopped for a while, his eyes darting from the Three Broomsticks to Madam
Puddifoot's and back. “So, you invited me. Where are we going?”

Lily couldn't tell if he wanted or not to go into the Teashop. Oh, God, she hoped he
didn't, he most likely didn't, but it never hurts to ask. “So, um, you want to go into
Madam Puddifoot's?”

James casted a reluctant glance at the Teashop before turning to face her. “I… only if you want
to.”

Lily could tell from the way he struggled not to frown, that his words were sincere yet he was
hoping she answered negatively. Feeling a unexpected surge of warmth inside her, Lily laughed
softly before grabbing his hand and moving away from Madam Puddifoot's. “The Three Broomsticks
it is.”

As soon as they set foot inside, Madam Rosmerta rushed to them and led them to a secluded spot.
“So, finally managed to crack her armour, Jamie?”

James laughed good-naturedly as he held her chair, waiting for her to take a sit, and once both
were in place he replied to the older witch. “Actually, Rosie, *she* asked me out.”

“Oh, really now.”

“Yup.”

Madam Rosmerta took their orders and then left them alone.

Lily didn't waste time in turning her inquisitive glance on a smiling James. “What was that
about?”

“Mmm, well, Rosie has known about my feelings for you since the very first Hogsmeade trip we
did. She's been giving advice on how to catch your attention since.”

“But that way back to our Third Year. And her advices don't seem to work much, uh?”

James laughed at that, and then gave her *his smile*. “Well, I never really took her
advices seriously; I didn't thought they'd work. I was wrong.”

She could feel the blush climbing up her neck and was saved the embarrassment by their drinks
arriving.

The date was, surprisingly, rather pleasant. After that one awkward moment at The Three
Broomsticks, they slid into a comfortable conversation. After that, they strolled through the
streets of Hogsmeade, savouring the relaxing atmosphere. James treated her to some candies at
Honeydukes and even bought her some chocolates. And sooner than she expected, a bit disappointed
that it was over, Lily found herself standing at the foot of the stairs leading to the her dorm,
watching as James fidgeted nervously.

“So, um…”

“I had a good time,” she said, wondering what to do next.

Commonly, after a first date, a couple would share a small kiss, but… they were not just any
couple. They were James and Lily! And a kiss, Lily knew, would only feed James' hopes and she…
she still wasn't sure what she felt, IF she felt anything at all.

“Yeah, me too.”

A few seconds later, Lily smiled amusedly and leaned up to press a tender kiss on his cheek,
lingering, probably, more than a friend should. “Goodnight, James.”

She didn't dare look back as she hurried up the stairs, so she missed the puppy dog look he
sent her way, and it was for the best, as that look would've broken her resolve to do nothing
with James until she sorted out her feeling and… well, she would've kissed him on the spot.

“Goodnight, Lily-flower.”

**~**

The Quidditch finals signalled the end of relaxing time in Hogwarts, as Final Exams began soon
after that.

This, of course, did not discouraged Gryffindor from celebrating their smashing success in
winning the Cup for another year. Everyone from Fourth Year and up was gathered in the Common Room
laughing, drinking, and being all-around happy. Try as she might, Lily lost control of the
situation as soon as one of her dorm mates slipped her a spiked Butterbeer. As her tolerance to
alcohol was very low, it didn't take long for her to be as happy as everyone else, and as the
bottles kept coming, she no longer cared about property and rules.

Oh, no, she was more interested in the way the room seemed to spin round and round without
anyone noticing.

Someone tapped her shoulder, and Lily turned her head too fast for her drunken mind to catch up
and she stumbled into a warm chest. Looking up, she was mesmerized by a pair of hazel eyes that
haunted her dreams as of late *(not, mind you, that* *she* *was going to admit
it)*—the warm chest belonged to none other than James Potter.

Maybe it was the alcohol—no, it was *definitely* the alcohol, because there was no other
explanation for her actions from then on.

James smiled and it was obvious that he, too, was drunk, but that didn't stop her from
snaking her arms around his waist as snuggle into him. Resting her chin on his chest, Lily smiled
at him in response.

“Hey, Lily-flower…”

Yep, he was definitely drunk.

And it didn't bother her one bit.

“Hey, Jamie-boy…”

He tried to walk them to the couch but ended up stumbling back over the first steps of the
stairs. Their laugher got lost among the exuberant shouts of their housemates. She tried to stand
up, her knees were hurting at the awkward angle they landed on the stairs, but James held her close
and brought her head closer to his.

“Let's go up to my room,” he whispered, right into her ear.

His warm breath and the husky tone his voice acquired sent shivers down her spine, and Lily
could no more refuse him than she could refuse her muggle heritage.

“Okay.”

Obviously, he wasn't expecting her to agree, and it showed as he blinked several times
before nodding. They stood up slowly, trying to not fall again and made their way up the
stairs.

No one noticed their retreat.

They stumbled into the room and found someone there. In her drunken state, Lily didn't
recognize the boy, only that he made himself scarce as James told him to leave. Once alone, James
managed to lock the door and then, they were kissing.

Sharing clumsy and passionate kisses, they struggled to reach naked skin. Somewhere in the back
of her mind, Lily realized that James, while he had no qualms about groping her, did so only over
her clothes, and it wasn't until she managed to pull his shirt over his head that the young man
proceeded to eliminate the barriers separating their naked bodies.

It was in a semi-nude state that they fell on the bed, Lily clad only in her knickers and
knee-high socks, and James in his boxers short. Lily gasped for air, overwhelmed by the sensations
assaulting her senses, and couldn't stop the moan that escaped her parted lips.

“God… *James*…”

James settled between her legs and started trailing kisses down her neck. He grabbed her legs
and urged her to wrap them around his hips; Lily complied as she treaded her finger through his
hair urging him to reach her chest faster.

When his lips encircled her nipple, Lily thought she'd reached Heaven.

**~**

To have been such an important turning point in her life, she was surprise at how very little
she remembered of that night. Not an unexpected occurrence, considering her inebriated state, but
she certainly wanted to remember more of her first sexual encounter. That the extent of her
knowledge about the night summed up into feelings only did not exactly put her in a good mood, so
adding the splitting headache made her all the more miserable.

What she *did* remember, though, left her feeling all tingly and warm inside.

That moment being when she had James placed firmly between her legs, only the thin fabric of
their underwear separating them, and he slipped his fingers under the elastic band of her knickers,
seeking permission with his gaze. Lily felt the fear and uncertainty burst inside her and it
showed, because the boy who once was the ban of her existence simply smiled at her and withdrew his
hand, kissing her doubts away.

They'd gone to sleep after that, wrapped around each other as if it were an everyday
thing.

That was how Lily woke up this morning and that was how she remained, face pressed into
James' chest as his arms drew her closer to him. But even in her pain-filled mind she knew that
she needed to return to her room before someone noticed h absence, IF they hadn't already.

Carefully not to wake her companion, Lily slid off the bed and silently started to collect her
clothes. The words don't make a noise, don't wake him up, going off in her hear like a
broken record. Once she was ready, she stood there unsure of what to do next. The logical choice
would be leaving, but something prevented her from doing so.

Looking at the peaceful expression on James' face kind of helped her make up her mind, so
with great care not to wake him up, Lily knelt next to him and kissed his cheek, unable to avoid
the blush that raced up her neck.

“Thank you for respecting my… unvoiced wishes.”

One last kiss and she left; unaware of the happy teen she left behind.

Sixth Year came to an end rather uneventfully. Nobody was any wiser as to what happened between
she and James at the party, though everyone noticed the changes.

Because while their friendship had been a sight to behold, this new shy and awkward act threw
the population of Hogwarts off, leaving them grasping for answer that were not there. The Marauders
nagged James endlessly but the boy didn't budge, that his smiles left her blushing and fumbling
now drew more attention to them than what Lily was ready to take.

She spent the journey back to London mulling everything that had happened during the past year,
and avoiding James. He gave her space right until the train arrived at King's Cross. There, he
swiftly pulled her aside and kissed her lips softly.

“I hope you have a nice summer, Lily. See you in September.”

The rest of her summer, compared to that moment, was rather dull.

**~**

It ended *(and started anew)* like this.

She caught sight of him first, laughing and joking with his three best friends, his Head Boy
badge shining in the morning light and her head finally accepted what her heart had been screaming
for months.

He caught sight of her later, mainly because she walked right up to him and wrapped her arms
around his neck, it would've been impossible to miss her. That she kissed him rather
passionately right in the middle of the platform ensured that everyone else had their eyes on them
as well.

“Yes,” said Lily, after breaking the kiss. “Yes, I wanna be your girlfriend.”

James laughed heartily, picked her up and began spinning around with her. They looked silly, but
it was okay.

Lily found out she no longer cared about that anyway.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~****
~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**End.**

~
~

Ehhh, if you find some mistake, please tell me so I can fix it, yeah? Thanks.
 Document created with wvWare/wvWare version 1.2.7
-->