Philia

Philia by Orianne

Summary - Do you remember in the First Year when Hagrid compild a photo album for Harry? Well, Remus Lupin was one of the people he wrote to for pictures of Lily and James. This brings back a wealth of memories he has tried hard to forget…

Pre- OotP Marauder story.

NOTE: Remember that it is set in the first book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone and that Lupin won't learn the truth until The Prisoner of Askaban!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sat motionless at the kitchen table, nothing distracting me from what I held in my hands. Not the sweltering heat that was making drops of sweat gather on my forehead. Not the books (with titles like “Pegasi: friend or foe”) piled precariously around my head. The Hinkypunk in a tank in the corner was making foul squelching noises in a quest to gain my attention, but to no avail.

No, my whole mind was concentrated solely on a grubby scrap of paper. It was worn at the folds and edges, the messy scrawl of writing was smudged and faded in many places: It bore all the signs of something that had been read many times. Indeed it had been. I had spent a long time, I knew not how long, rereading the letter or just staring at it, mulling over its contents. How could such a small thing, barely ten lines, affect me so much? I'd better explain. It was from Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of the Keys at Hogwarts, School of Wizardry:

Dear Remus,

Long time no see! I hope you are well. You don't know where

I could find an Ashwinder, do you? Not for me of course! For a

friend. The real reason I'm writing is to find out whether you have

any pictures of James and Lily - I remembered you and James

were great friends at school. I was hoping to put together a photo

album for young Harry, who's in the First Year now. He's doing

real well, his parents would be proud. If you have anything I could

use, let me know.

~Hagrid~

This letter brought up so much that I'd tried to forget. James. Lily. Harry. Memories of what seemed like a past life, even though it was little more than a decade ago. After their murders, I told myself that there was no point dwelling on what had happened, that the best thing to do would be to start again. Start again. I bought myself a little cottage in the middle of a wood in North Wales. Weekly, I made a short trek to a farm close by where I bought food from a kindly old Muggle couple. I would see no wizards for months on end. I ordered books from Flourish and Blotts by owl, financially supporting myself (only just) by sending in occasional articles to the Dark Arts Journal (“Understanding Dark Arts is the first step to defeating them.”)

Despite all my talk about “moving on,” in my heart I knew the truth. That despite all my supposed wisdom, learning and courage, I was unable to face the fact that James, Peter and Lily were dead. No, murdered by our best friend, Sirius Black. I had successfully cut myself off from the world, but regardless of my best efforts, a phrase that often ran through my head was “How has it come to this?”

I had always been blessed, or cursed with a brilliant memory and I can still remember our Hogwarts days as if they were yesterday. School days are meant to be the best of your life and ours most definitely were. The times we had! Nevertheless, the thing I remember more than the exciting, dangerous, adventurous, brilliant things we did, is simply the four of us walking idly through the corridors of Hogwarts, chatting and joking. Even though we were hardly doing anything amazing, there was such a feeling between us. It is a hard thing to describe, sort of a feeling of “invincibility.” Though that sounds stupid. It is not as if we couldn't be hurt, or we would live forever like Nicholas Flamel. It was really a feeling of support, that whatever trial or dangers you had to face, you would always have three people covering your back, protecting your interests, willing to help you with anything. You have no idea what difference that made, especially to me with my “condition.”

Despite the advantages of this, there was a sinister side, though we never discussed it. We became too dependent on each other. We knew that if one of us fell into Darkness then all of us would be destroyed. Despite all the benefits of such a close friendship, it was quite a heavy thing to bear, it seemed almost fated that one of us would crumble under the weight of it. It seems like a terrible thing too say, but always thought it would be Peter, that succumbed to the temptation of Power. He constantly seemed to be the weakest of us four. However, he stayed loyal and true. It was Sirius that turned traitor. It was he that openly killed Peter and then laughed. How could he laugh? How brave Peter was in the end. After all the jokes we made about him being better suited to Hufflepuff.

Even now, after all these years, I find it unbelievable that Sirius was a deatheater spy. In my heart, little doubts still flutter, despite all the evidence I have seen. It seems as impossible as self-spelling wands! He was always good at transformation, but can such a noble and moral lion ever turn into a snake? One of the lowest kind - the kind that will attack his friends? I would not have believed it. I must admit he was a little thoughtless at times. Also I can remember him complaining about the slowness and lack of action of the Order of the Phoenix. Did this lead him to think the cause was futile? That is difficult to believe - he always had such hope.

It seems so incredible that any member of our tight group could be able to tear the others apart like this, in such a cold-blooded way. It was such a great friendship. Do not think that it was anything other than platonic, for it certainly wasn't! We all had girlfriends and when James got so close to Lily, she became almost an honorary “marauder”. The Greeks said that there were four types of love, Storge; parents' love for their children, Eros; love between man and woman, Agape; love between a person and God and finally the love between friends, Philia or brotherly love. We epitomised the last one, we would have died to protect each other. So we said. So we believed.

I am normally a calm person, but I HATE VOLDEMORT SO MUCH! How can one man, however powerful, rip so many friendships and families apart? Families. That reminded me of Harry. Harry. I could not believe I had not seen him for so long. I remember being at St. Mungo's almost thirteen years ago, just before he was born. We were trying to keep James calm, which was impossible. In the end, he got frustrated by our words and turned us all into toads! I could not help smiling at the memory. I had been there at his first tooth, his first word (“Wand!”) and his first step. Now he's in his first year at Hogwarts! That reminded me of the letter. We, the least thing I could do was send Harry some photographs. Part of me wanted to see him, but another part feared he'd look too much like James.

I finally put down the letter and got up from the table. Straight away, I went to the attic and dug through my old boxes. I finally found it, in between a dusty potions book and “1001 magical pranks and jokes.” That book helped us entertain our fellow students and I'm sure it was responsible for several grey hairs on Professor McGonnagal's head. I blew the dust off the front cover and turned to the first page…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, how was that for a first chapter, I hope it wasn't too boring. I personally don't have a lot of faith in my writing skills, but I just wanted to try a story. Please let me know what you think, whether I'm wasting my time. Thanks a lot for bothering to read it and if you have a minute or two, please write a review!