Love is hope: Life after fifth year (the last chapters)

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Blackness, fuzziness, fluttering white... Urgh, the hospital wing. How did she land in here? Looking around, trying to ignore the angry buzz against her skull from the inside, she saw Madam Pomfrey coming towards her.

“Stay still, Miss Granger, I’ll check you in a minute”

Hermione burned to ask questions, especially about how she got there. While the nurse was running through some standard procedures to find out what happened, she heard the door open and close. During the moment it stood open, she could hear Ginny plead to let them in.

“Miss Granger,” Dumbledore stood there with Harry, “Can you tell us what happened?”

Hermione blushed at being confronted with Harry... “Eumh, I remember coming down from my first Occlumency lesson, and then in the common room... I went to my dormitory, and then... it gets fuzzy... what happened?”

Hermione only looked up at them now, being that she was embarrassed of thinking about the kiss, and the eavesdropping, in the presence of two wizards able of Legilimency. That’s how she’d managed to miss the look of horror on Harry’s face, and the twinkle-free demeanour of Dumbledore, until now. Then she suddenly had a flash; darkness, trees, the sound of hooves, ...

“Grawp! What? What happened, how long have I been out? Why am I here?”

“Calm yourself, Miss Granger,” Dumbledore seemed to have not understood what she meant by Grawp, then again you never knew with that wizard... “You are perfectly well. You were found by Hagrid in the forbidden forest. And as far as we know you only lost consciousness for about an hour or so. However, it seems as if the cause of your condition would be, or a Memory Charm, or a severe injury causing amnesia, but I doubt the latter was the case, since we have found no proof of physical injury on you. Miss Granger, you believe we are still at the end of January, but we’re mid-June...”

Hermione tried to process what her Professor was telling her; mid-June? Her exams! What had been happening all this time? What had happened with Voldemort? Looking around furtively, she didn’t know what to think. Harry! What was happening between him and her? Why was she in the Dark Forest? Why had she been charmed, had she seen something?

Dumbledore continued: “Miss Granger, we have reason to believe that you have seen something that may prove of great importance. Important enough to not only memory charm you, but to leave you defenceless in the forest... I have to ask for your permission to try and break the charm inside your mind...”

Hermione looked at her Headmaster. Had he just asked what she thought he asked? Memory Charms were delicate spells. And though Hermione didn’t particularly want to go on in life with a great hunk out of her memory, she wasn’t that comfortable with the Headmaster performing a dangerous sort of Legilimency... Things could go wrong, and her mind would be messed up beyond repair. Of course even if she left it untreated, it could act as a virus inside her memory, eating away her knowledge... she shuddered at the idea.

And besides, it had to be done, they had to find out! And she rather did that then sit around and do nothing. She looked at Harry to get some silent support, but he avoided her gaze. Dumbledore left her bedside, telling her to think about it. She barely noticed; she was thinking about Harry’s non-reaction.

What had happened? Probably nothing, and now he was annoyed to go through the ‘thing after the kiss’ *again*. She vaguely remembered what she’d overheard. He didn’t intend to date her, she still felt the after-effects of that kiss, like it happened just minutes ago... In her mind it did... She felt like she lost herself in the sensation, which, combined with the knowledge he didn’t want her, was very painful... He hadn’t meant to kiss her, it had just been a moment, what was she thinking anyway? He was Harry bloody Potter, she was the know-it-all bookworm...

Hermione could barely bear the awkward moment as the rest was filling in the room around her bed.

Ginny rushed to her side: “Hermione, are you all right? Dumbledore said you can’t remember anything for a good couple of months, and that we shouldn’t force your memory... Is it true? But since when, I mean, can you tell us what you *do* remember?”

When Hermione tried to tell them that without divulging the private details, she remembered Ron. Guiltily she looked at him. She felt she was betraying him with those feelings for Harry. She’d promised him she didn’t feel anything for his best mate, and now it looked like she’d lied without knowing... Oh, this was so complicated. She was Hermione Granger, silly things like that shouldn’t really bother her.

Ron returned her look, and looked confused at her guilt, until he heard where her memory stopped. Soon Harry, Ron, as well as herself, were feeling extremely uncomfortable, which was very queer, with Ginny, Neville and Luna completely oblivious. Hermione felt the tension suffocating her. Why were Luna and Neville here, too? Sure they were becoming good friends, but to be that worried about her? Maybe they’d gotten closer during these last months?

Harry stood abruptly: “I’m going to see if Dumbledore needs me...”

He took off at high speed, and it hurt more then it confused her. Though her puzzlement increased when Ginny, Neville and Luna seemed very startled about this...

Ron was non too subtle when he asked the other three to go find Madam Pomfrey to find out if Hermione could leave soon. It was quite plain he wanted to talk to her in private. Hermione didn’t know if she should be glad or scared. She felt his eyes on her but couldn’t raise hers; he must think I’m such a... well she didn’t know what, but not something very nice. If she let herself think too deeply about her situation she’d feel like screaming.

“Hermione... Look, I know we’re not supposed to tell you anything about what happened, to not confuse you any more, but... Blimey, this is sappy... Listen if you want to talk about what happened that night, I’m here for you, ok? I saw what happened and beside Harry and you, I’m the only one who knows about it. You didn’t even tell Ginny...”

Hermione felt like crying, as a matter a fact she felt her eyes watering up. Ron was really nice about it? Wasn’t he even mad or jealous a little bit? Why couldn’t she just remember? Looking up she looked at him pleadingly:

“Ron, please, you have to tell me... Does Harry hate me or something? Because, well I remember vaguely hearing something before everything gets very fuzzy in my mind. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you and Ron discussing it when I left. I know Harry doesn’t want to be with me... So what happened after that?”

Ron looked at her like he had an epiphany: “Well that explains it! Damnit, Hermione, I don’t know how you interpreted what you heard, but you just ignored him the whole week! Harry didn’t do anything about it, for a Gryffindor he can be quite the coward; you convinced him the kiss in the common room was something you wanted to forget about, and you just studied and only talked to us when we were in group... You have everyone else convinced that you two are just friends like always, and you thought you had me convinced that neither cared one way or another about the kiss. But then again, you always underestimated me”

Ron ended, sounding bitter; without giving Hermione a breather, he continued: “Look, I just can’t stand it anymore. You and Harry were constantly ignoring the tension between you two, and what’s worse, whenever I tried to breach the subject with one or the other, you’d just lie through your teeth, in my face, that you’re just friends, and better off that way. As a matter a fact, we were arguing about just that when you decided to have a stroll all by your lonesome self, Heaven knows where, which got you in this situation...”

Ok, so they just went on like nothing happened, and like nothing changed, but Ron believed everything did change... Was he wishful thinking; no that couldn’t be. Why would he *want* that change? And how had he gotten it in his head that Harry would return the feelings she felt? Hermione’s head started to hurt. She saw her wand lying on the table next to her bed.

“Simpratus!” Pointing the spell at her head, she felt like a cool cloth had been passed over her forehead. Ron looked at her in shock.

“What?”

“You didn’t know how to do that spell, until our last DA club meeting...”

Realising what this meant, she looked at Ron. He spurted away to get Dumbledore, and when Ginny got back, she asked the younger witch to go get some books and notes from her room to see if there was other knowledge she’d acquired during the time-lapse in her memory, that hadn’t been charmed away.

By the time Dumbledore came down, with Harry and Ron, she had established that indeed all knowledge she had to have been cramming for her exams, was intact. How her mind had been able to resist that, though, she had no idea of. Dumbledore was twinkling as usual after hearing this news.

“Of course. Miss Granger, you do not remember, but you have become quite good at Occlumency. I believe you should’ve known by now, the only way to really resist a Memory Charm, is an immediate counter-curse, before it hits you, or a strong mental defence, which translates to being able to practise Occlumency. I’m inclined to believe your mind instinctively tried to block it, even though you obviously didn’t see the spell coming, since you know how to perform its counter in your sleep...”

“But where does that leave me, Professor? I mean I still can’t remember all the rest, or will I? Given time? ... Time we don’t have... Could you try and break the charm right away, Headmaster?”

She looked up at the old wizard determined: “That I will not do, Miss Granger. I have re-evaluated the situation, and I believe Harry should do this”

Harry looked at his mentor like he’d just decided: ‘ok, Dumbledore’s not a genius but a lunatic!’... Hermione didn’t hear anything that happened after that, she was just in shock. How was she going to stay strong when Harry was to look through her mind, her emotions would not be secret any more, and how was she to trust him that he wouldn’t mess up? I mean she trusted Harry with her life, but this was much more delicate...

Only when Dumbledore had sent everyone but her and Harry away, and transported them to his office, she came out of her world of thought. “Miss Granger, I believe the sooner we get on with this, will be the better. Now, if you please excuse me...”

Harry and her were left alone. Tense they were sitting next to each other, Harry twirling his wand, frowning a bit in concentration.

“Harry? It’s ok, you can do it... You have my complete trust, and if Dumbledore trusts you can do this, then just get on with it!”

Harry looked at her with that intense stare of his. She always was weary of those green eyes... Feeling herself become quite defenceless, she struggled against her weakness. “No, Hermione, you shouldn’t...”

Harry sighed and got up. Placing his wand on a desk, he knelt in front of her. Her heart started beating so loudly, she was afraid he would hear. Oh, for heaven’s sake, she was Hermione Granger, she stubbornly refused to get all swoony at the sight of Harry Potter kneeling in front of her.

Pinned in place by his intense gaze, she hardly took breaths and felt almost hypnotised. She felt the kind of gentle poking around in her skull, like she’d felt the first time he had her under Legilimens. Out of reflex she pushed it away. Harry acted frustrated: “This isn’t working! Hermione! You’re not supposed to push me away! I’m the one who’s got to fix this! Just let me do my job!”

Taken aback a bit, Hermione felt her anger boiling, who did he think he was? These words seemed oddly dual; like with the kiss-and-no-dating as well as in this particular case. “Maybe you just aren’t good enough... Then again, you won’t even try. I’m going to get Dumbledore...”

Standing up and walking to the door, she hadn’t counted on Harry being so fast on his feet, grabbing her arm to stop her.

“So I’m not good enough, hé? Tell me, that evening you just happen to remember last? Do you remember everything that happened? Or did you conveniently forgot some parts?”

Hermione was at the end of her rope. This was just too much. “How could I forget! One moment I’m having the epiphany of the century, thinking something in my life finally clicked without having to make sense. Then I hear the guy who tore down all my defences in only a few seconds, tell his best mate that he has no intension of pursuing what he started!”

Harry’s grip on her arms didn’t relinquish, but, indeed, started to hurt. “I started? *I* started! That’s rich! I distinctly remember you kissing *me* first/”

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what is the point?”

Hermione faltered, logic didn’t have his place here. She felt lost and naked, scared and powerless. Somehow she had gotten with her back against the entrance to the office, Harry having a good grip on both arms. Harry’s eyes were ablaze with frustration and anger, and all she could manage was stare back and trying to remember to breathe.

Suddenly his lips were on hers, in a kiss very unlike their first. Incapable of doing much more then taking his assault and moaning pitifully in protest, she soon melted in a puddle of defenceless numbness. Powerless to resist him she let him control her. Sensing the rising magical power coming from him, she couldn’t care less. It made her feel proud, though, in the deepest part of her womanly brain that she was the one who could make him loose it like that.

After what seemed an eternity, he drew back slightly, locking stares with her. She was still reeling from his kisses when she suddenly felt flashes assault her brain. Things that had been happening since January: articles of Voldemort and his Death Eaters, Harry, the Fidelius Charm, Luna, exams, Ron, Room of Requirement, Theodore Nott, Bellatrix’s head in the fireplace, Malfoy’s voice, the forest, Bane, Grawp, blackness.

Before she felt darkness completely come over herself, she felt familiar arms holding her up...

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