Quaffles, Anyone?

10. Bumblefoot

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  • chapter 16

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Chapter Ten

Bumblefoot

Hermione's phenomenal ability in Quidditch has earned her the prestigious Hogwarts Legend Award (a new award founded by the faculty when the Weasley twins did that stunt last year to Umbridge). Her great debut in the match two weeks ago got standing ovations from the students since most of them would greet her in corridors between classes and the Hogwarts youth would get small crushes on her. But despite this, there was one person in Hogwarts who thinks of Hermione's acclaim in a different way or emotion. That person is Hermione's best friend, Harry Potter.

“Wow, I can't believe it” Ron said as a group of second year Ravenclaws waved at Hermione when they were going to Defense Against the Dark Arts class Wednesday morning “you've just gone to stardom”

“Thanks, Ron but I'm not sure if I'll be that popular” Hermione said as they queued up Rapticon Sr.'s classroom “not when Harry's at my side” she added smiling at Harry.

“Er - yeah” Harry said without emotion

Harry's reaction toward Hermione's success was a bit of an enigma to him. When in `bit' meaning that he knows a few facts why he is so different in her gig, one of them though is Alex. Hermione's new friend.

“Harry, are you alright? You seem to be off-color” Ron said with concern

“No, I'm fine. I just have to get a dose of Professor Raptor's teaching to make me feel better” Harry said forcing a smile.

“That's good, mate” Ron said clapping his shoulder as the door of the classroom opened. They all entered the classroom and where greeted by a disgruntled looking Professor Raptor.

“Oh” he said irritably “I see the goon squad has arrived”

Harry heard some students laugh behind him

“Stop laughing or I'll be forced to shoot you - take a seat” Rapticon Sr. continued “my dear students” he added mischievously with a matching smile to go with it.

They all sat down. After a few minutes, Rapticon Sr. stood up and grabbed a stick which made Harry uncomfortable but his emotion changed when he found out it was a walking stick.

“Unfortunately, I'm coming down with something so - PATIL IF I SEE YOU AND BROWN GOSSIPING OVER THERE I'LL BE FORCED TO TOSS YOU BOTH OUT OF THE WINDOW!” he shouted then held his chest “Sorry `bout that, I'm kind of -” his eye twitched when he looked at Harry and Hermione's direction “angry”

He limped out of his desk to reveal the class that he had a cast on his right leg

“Professor, what happened?” Malfoy asked

“I'm suffering a dino-disease called `Bumblefoot'” Rapticon Sr. said walking up the aisle “Don't worry, it's only for dinosaurs” he said looking at Ron's concerned face.

“Even though Poppy in the hospital wing is encouraging me to stay in bed, I refused to stay in the wing since I favor my students than my health… Isn't that right, Ms. Granger?” he said looking at Granger with sheer mischief that made Hermione uneasy.

“I like your curls” he said twirling a finger on Hermione's hair “I know someone with hair like this… So? How's Alex?” he smiled at her, stopped twirling her hair and started walking down the aisle. Hermione looked at Harry and he saw pink spots on her face.

“When I'm in misery, I usually take everyone down with me” he said as he walked to Parvati and Lavender “I'm just kidding” he said looking at them

He pointed his wand in the board and chalks started writing on its own accord as Rapticon Sr. said

“You will copy everything on the board. Those who fail will lose points” he said and sat down behind his desk. The class was silent in note taking, the only sound that could be heard was the dull sound of scratching quills to parchment.

“DAMN YOU ACHING FOOT!” Rapticon Sr. shouted looking so angry at his cast which made the class jump “That's it! This thing has got to go! Class dismissed! And five points to all of you for being such lovely students” he added as he limped to the door leaving the class to their utter amazement.

- - -

“Where's Hermione when you need her?” Ron said irritably during free time at the grounds beside the lake with Harry “She's supposed to be studying with us!” he continued trying to find out what were the difference between a Kneazle and a Cat.

“I'll go look for her” Harry said standing up trying to get away form Ron's ranting.

Harry walked across the grounds to find Hermione, he passed by Fiyuna who was reading a book that said Are Werewolves Friend or Foe?

He then passed by a lot of students but didn't see Hermione.

“Where's she?” Harry said as he passed Hagrid's hut and gave a wave at Hagrid who was just by the window. After minutes of searching Harry stopped when he saw Hermione talking with Alex on the entrance grounds. She was holding books that gave Harry the idea she was on his way to meet them but was stopped by Alex. He could see Hermione kept on smiling at him, he didn't know why but he would love to interrupt whatever they're doing.

“Hey Harry” he heard a voice behind him

Harry turned and saw Rapticon Sr. holding a cup of tea on his left and his cane on his right.

“Hello, Professor” Harry said

“I've just been to Hagrid's” he said gesturing his tea cup to the hut “Anyway, what were you up to?”

“Nothing” Harry said holding the castle doors as he looked at Hermione who started laughing.

“Isn't that Hermione?” Rapticon Sr. said

“Yeah, she's supposed to study with us but that bloke got to her first”

“Bloke? You mean Alex? He's a natural in my classes” Rapticon Sr. said drinking his cup as the wind started flying around his robes

“No wonder they look good together” Harry said irritably. Hermione was hitting Alex playfully which made Harry want to interrupt

“Um - Harry, do you know why you are acting like this?” Rapticon Sr. said

“I dunno, I'm just irritated that she would prefer him than me and Ron” Harry said looking at them

“I don't think so”

Harry felt Rapticon Sr. grab him by the shoulder and lead him under a shade of a tree.

“Do you know why you are feeling this way, Harry?”

“I'm not sure” Harry said

“One word Harry, jealousy” Rapticon Sr. said drinking his tea

“What?” Harry said bemused “I'm not -”

“Then why are you so ticked off when you see Hermione and Alex talking?”

“I don't know” Harry said feeling confused “Angry or something”

“It's jealousy Harry” Rapticon Sr. said as he started limping with Harry following him

“Why do you think I'm jealous?” Harry said as they climbed a small hill which the foot of the hill was surrounded by students

“You -” Rapticon Sr. said as he climbed the hill waving to students as he passed them “- are jealous because you don't want Hermione with Alex” he continued as he stood at the peak of the hill as the gentle breeze made the hem of his robes flutter

“I already told you I'm not jealous, I'm just angry”

“Angry at what?” Rapticon Sr. said drinking his cup of tea “Angry that Hermione chose Alex over you? Harry, jealousy is a natural thing. All teenagers get it when they see the person they like with another person. It's just raging hormones”

Harry followed Rapticon Sr. as they climbed down the hill which leads to the shorelines of the lake

“You in the other hand is very keen to not accept the fact you -” Rapticon Sr. said wincing when he looked at his bandaged foot “- are jealous”

“But I'm not -”

“That may be the truth but it doesn't change the fact -” he grabbed a pebble and skipped it across the lake “- that you are developing it”

“What am I developing?”

“I said it a minute ago” Rapticon Sr. said calmly as he skipped another pebble into the lake

“Er - jealousy?” Harry said

“Bingo!” Rapticon Sr. said looking at a passing owl “But not just that. Like human beings, you're jealousy can evolve into something… something even bigger than that”

“I don't understand”

“Hermione mentioned to me that you had a little thing for Ms. Chang in the last two years, isn't that right?”

Harry felt his face became pale

“Please, don't mention that”

“Why not?” Rapticon Sr. started walking across the shoreline “Are you trying to deny that you went out with Ms. Chang, kissed her and broke up with her? Or is mentioning your history with Chang may make you feel even more jealous that Hermione - the only girl you ever had apart from Ms. Weasley and the other Gryffindor girls - has someone and you don't. Isn't that right?” He said this as if he memorized a line for a play

“Er -” Harry said as he saw Ron from a distance

“Or maybe you are jealous that Hermione has someone to be with other than you”

Harry turned to Rapticon Sr. in quick pace.

“I thought you said you won't mess with my love life?” Harry said with confusion

“Did I say love? Correct me if I'm wrong Harry but I said jealousy, not love” Rapticon Sr. drank the last remaining contents of his cup as they came close to Ron “or are you trying to say Um - something else”

Harry felt like he was the most speechless man in the entire universe

“I-I knew that” Harry said sheepishly

“Well, I see you and Ron have a bit of homework to do and I see Hermione is coming” he added looking at Hermione who was walking across the shoreline looking very cute and joyful as she swung her books which were bounded by a leather belt.

- - -

“Can she stop talking about him?” Ron said as they walked up the Grand Staircase for Defense Against the Dark Arts on Thursday “My head is already tempting me to strangle her”

Ron was right, Hermione kept on mentioning Alex every time she had the opportunity.

“Well, at least she's still human when it comes to studying” Harry said as they queued up the classroom

“Yeah, I guess you're right”

It took about seven minutes when the class started to wonder why Professor Raptor is taking too long.

“Why isn't he opening the door?” Harry heard Dean Thomas

“I think he has a foot problem” Seamus said

Then the door opened to reveal Fiyuna's hooded face appearing at the small opening.

“Professor Raptor told me to tell you that if you want to have a lesson, just go to the hospital wing. Hermione's there already”

Everyone looked at each other and then Malfoy said

“Out of the way! I need some of the professor's laughing gas since Professor Binns made me so bored!” he ran out of the hallway with the Slytherins following a this wake.

“And I thought Luna was the loony” Ron said as they walked up the Grand Staircase “But mind you, Malfoy could get an influence on him”

They walked across the corridor of the hospital wing which had lots of students going in the wing

“And if Hermione says one word about Alex in class then I'm a flobberworm” Ron added when they entered the Hospital wing which caught Harry by surprised when he saw the weirdest thing in a hospital.

There was Rapticon Sr. lying on the hospital bed with a pillow propped against his back making him in a sitting position. His cast-clad right foot lay on top of a pillow and a blackboard was just beside his bed.

“You're late!” Rapticon sr. said but something about what he said seemed happy, as if he was jolly that Harry and the others were late “Come! Sit down! Granger over here was about to shave her head” he pointed to Hermione who was sitting beside his bed

“What's going on?” Ron asked Hermione as they went to her

“Professor Raptor's bumblefoot has gotten worse” Hermione said looking at Rapticon Sr. “Madam Pomfrey says he's hallucinating”

“Anyway, as I was saying - the mummy is the opposite of daddy and if we allow the ten-pound note to jump over the moon over the Martian continent then we can - HOLY SMOKES IS THAT A MONSTER!” he shouted as he pointed on Crabbe

“Professor” Pansy Parkinson said “That's only a student -”

But Rapticon Sr. grabbed something that Harry recognized as a machine gun

“DIE DEVIL, DIE! GET AWAY YA VERMIN! YOU MAY BE IN DISGUISE BUT YA CAN'T FOOL ME!”

Rapticon Sr. started shooting around the wing as everyone ducked and ran from his range.

“PROFESSOR!!!” Hermione bellowed behind a hospital bed “YOU ARE TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR MIND! WE ARE NOT - ARGH!”

Harry grabbed Hermione by the shoulder and started running away from Rapticon sr. who said “I'M THE PINEAPPLE KING! HA! HA! HA! HA!”

- - -

Rapticon Sr.'s weird disease hasn't disappeared for the following week and it seemed like an opposite universe for Harry because only during the last few weeks everyone including him would expect highly on Rapticon Sr.'s classes but well - you get the idea.

“God, my foot is so itchy!” Rapticon Sr. said during his seventh class in the hospital wing “I need something scratch it” he looked around and saw the closest person he could see, Hermione.

“GRANGER!” he shouted making her jump “Can I borrow your quill? My foot is itchy and I can't seem to reach inside the cast for my foot”

“Er - I don't know, sir” Hermione said cautiously

Then Rapticon Sr. aimed a gun at her forehead

“Please?” Rapticon Sr. said in a sweet voice

“I thought Dumbledore banned you from using your colt?” Seamus said

“He said colt” Rapticon Sr. said “but he didn't say a water gun”

Even though Hermione knew the gun was fake, she gave the quill to Rapticon Sr.

“Thanks, ten points to Ravenclaw!”

“I'm a Gryffindor, sir”

“Sorry Granger, but I don't speak Spanish” Rapticon Sr. said casually as he scratched his foot making Harry sick every time he heard the gurgling sounds from the inside of the cast

“He's in a right state” Ron said during lunch “Professor Raptor, I mean”

“No he isn't” Hermione said picking up a pork-and-ham pie “his disease makes him sees things and say unusual stuff”

Hermione was right. It is true he says unnecessary stuff because during one faithful class, someone visited.

“Listen, my students! If we don't start now how can we prove the mummy is the opposite of salsa” Rapticon Sr. said as if he was in a rally

“Professor?” said a calm voice from the door

The class looked behind them and saw Dumbledore smiling at them with twinkling eyes

“Sir!” Rapticon Sr. said saluting to him as if Dumbledore was a person of authority in the military

“I trust you are well?” Dumbledore asked

“I am Bill”

“It's Albus, Professor” Harry corrected him

“Bless you” Rapticon Sr. beamed at a confused Harry

“Anyway” Dumbledore continued “St. Mungo's has sent me an owl that they've come up with a cure for your sickness”

The class's atmosphere of dread and silence lifted at the sound of this news

“They've sent it ages ago so the owl with the potion might arrive any minute” Dumbledore said

“You mean the brown one with a collar that has St. Mungo's symbol on it?” Rapticon Sr. said in a very fast voice

“Er -yes… Why do you think it is that?” Dumbledore asked

“Well” Rapticon Sr. pointed to a stuffed owl which Harry thought was a lamp in the beginning “I was getting trigger-happy”

“I see” Dumbledore said calmly “and your potion?”

“When the owl fell it broke” he replied as if this was a good thing

“Well, looks like I have to write another letter to St. Mungo's for another potion” Dumbledore said smiling

“You do that while I play a little game with the students” Rapticon Sr. said mischievously as Dumbledore bowed and left

“What game are we gonna play, professor?” Malfoy asked

“Russian Roulette”

Harry felt Hermione grabbing his hand in fear

“Why?” Harry whispered

“Russian Roulette is er… a very realistic game” Hermione squeaked

“Realistic?” Harry asked

But he didn't wait for the answer for long since Rapticon Sr. said

“The rules are simple, with a blindfold I'll aim my gun and shoot. Last man standing wins!”

Cue to this, the class ran out of the hospital wing without further ado.

- - -

Harry didn't know what to worry about, Defense Against the Dark Arts or what Rapticon Sr. said the other day about him being jealous.

“Harry?”

Harry looked up and saw Hermione looking at him in a gingerly way. They were at the common room and Harry was halfway down his half-finished Potion's essay

“What is it, Hermy?” Harry said smiling at her

Her gingerly face turned to a frown

“I thought I told you not to call me that”

“Sorry, what is it?” Harry asked

“Er - can I speak with you the Astronomy Tower tonight?” Hermione said

“W-Why?” Harry asked in concern

“Not now because there are too many people around” Hermione said and with that, she ran up the girl's dormitory room.

“What was that all about?” Ron said who was with Harry the whole time

“I dunno. But whatever it is, it has nothing to do with me”

“Amen” Ron said as he continued doing what he was doing.

- - -

Rapticon Sr. wasn't eating tonight, like always ever since his foot started acting werid, but even though his presence is absent the school felt like he was there.

“PEEVES!”

Everyone dropped their spoons and forks as they all looked around, finding the one who shouted.

“Who's the bloke who shouted?” Ron said disgruntled since his porridge spilled on him when the shouting made him jump

“YOU MAY BE A FLOATING POLTERGEIST BUT YOU ARE SOLID! LETS PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE!”

“Now I know who it is” Harry said going back to his steak as the sound of distant gunshots could be heard and Peeves' cursing of agony followed.

Cue to this, Dumbledore stood up and said

“Before it slipped my mind I was able to catch it and now I'm going to tell you that St. Mungo's has the cure for Professor Raptor's disease, again” Dumbledore said as the student body all looked relieved. Harry even heard cheering from the Ravenclaws

“According to them the owl should be here about now but hopefully -”

BANG!

Harry knew that was the sound of a gun and knew it was Rapticon Sr.'s because

“HA! HA! HA! HA! STUPID FOWLS! THINK YOU CAN MESS WITH ME? THE INVINCIBLE POLLY!? HA! HA! HA!”

Rapticon Sr.'s shouts disappeared after that then Dumbledore said

“Looks like St. Mungo's should get another cure after all before Professor Raptor goes crazy” Dumbledore smiled as if this was a joke

Harry could have sworn he heard a first year Gryffindor crying at the sound of this news.

“Well” Ginny said “at least Professor Raptor can take care of Peeves for us” she smiled and went on with her pudding.

But the thought of Peeves being shot down by Rapticon Sr. didn't make Harry's mood up since he was concern about him and Hermione's talk a little later on.

“Don't worry” Ron said when Harry expressed his recent emotions but they were talking in low voices since Hermione was just across the table “She probably wants to resign the team”

“Why would she do that? She's brilliant” Harry said

“I'm just helping” Ron shrugged as he drank his pumpkin juice.

“I hope it's nothing serious” Harry said looking at Hermione who was eating her steak.

“Let's hope” Ron looked at and Harry and pointed up “or Professor Raptor might make things complicated if he talks to you about the topic”

Harry looked up and Ron left him with his thoughts swimming idly in his mind.

Harry entered the Astronomy Tower moments later and found Hermione plucking petals out of a daisy

“Hey” Harry said as he leaned on the battlements beside Hermione

“Hi Harry” she said as she threw the daisy

“Well, I'm here. What are you going to talk to me about?” Harry asked

Hermione took a deep breath and said with difficulty

“Er - Y-You know the new guy I-I've been talking to right?” she said turning a bit red

“Yeah, Alex's his name?” Harry said

Hermione nodded and smiled dreamily

“He's a great guy” she said putting an elbow on the battlements while her head rested on the palm of her hand “he's very smart too”

“I know, Rapticon Sr. told me” Harry said

“He says very nice things and says a lot of wise words” she continued with a sigh as if she didn't listen to Harry

“Hermione?” Harry asked

“Yes?” Hermione said

“If you called me up here to talk about Alex then I think I'll go” Harry said

“Oh! I'm sorry Harry, it's just that - you know” Hermione said smiling

“I get the picture but what is the real reason you called me?”

“Er -” Hermione bit her lower lip “I need advice”

“Advice ?”

“Look, before you say anything let me say this: You've been going out with Cho last year and it will be quite impossible if you don't have any advice when it comes to talking with your -”

Hermione looked as if she said too much since her cheeks turned pink

“Are you crushing over Alex?” Harry said smiling

“Er - no” Hermione said scratching her head awkwardly

“C'mon” Harry teased as he prodded Hermione's waist

“Harry stop it!” Hermione said hitting his hand playfully

“You have a crush on him, do you?” Harry said tickling her waist even more making her laugh

“Alright! God, are you that desperate? Yes, that's right I have a crush on Alex”

“But what about Krum?” Harry said

“Oh, him? He's nice and all but he's just a friend” Hermione said

“I see. So, what advice are you looking for?”

“Just some advice on how to talk to them, your crushes, I mean”

“Just be yourself” Harry said

“But what if he finds me - you know - nerdy” Hermione said “You know what I mean”

“Nerdy? Hermione, you are a very interesting person”

Hermione smiled at Harry

“Thanks”

“No problem”

“But what if I want to ask him out? He's been talking with me since I talked to him in Chaser tryouts. What if he rejects me because I'm ugly?” she said looking a bit paranoid

“You're not ugly” Harry said before he could stop himself “You are er… pretty” Harry glanced up the sky and said “Yeah… very pretty”

“You really think so?” Hermione said resting her head on his shoulder

“Y-Yeah, just imagine him saying that you are the most beautiful girl in the entire school. Just imagine him saying that you are so pretty not even Cho or any girl in the whole school stand a chance” Harry said but in a very fast way

Hermione's face glowed red

“You know what? I think I like your suggestion” she said and gave him a kiss on the cheek “You are the best person I've ever had for a friend” and with that she hugged him and left the Astronomy Tower.

“Looks like I can give good advice” Harry said impressively

But what went wrong with Harry and Hermione's talk was that the fact that he didn't even give a care that Hermione had a crush on Alex, as if he tried to deny he was probably avoiding jealousy. Rapticon Sr.'s talking strikes again.

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Text from the Wayback Machine's capture of the site, 3 August 2008.

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