Thoughts and Realizations

            Over the top of her book, Hermione watched Harry staring out the window. She wondered what he was thinking. It was unusual for him to be this quiet on the train. He seemed rather subdued, although he seemed to be enjoying his conversation with Ron about Quidditch for the time being. A couple of times she saw him looking at her in the glass, but he looked away quickly when she had noticed it. Of course, she hoped that he wouldn’t notice that she hadn’t turned the page for almost twenty minutes.

            She tried to act normal, of course. She’d been making a concerted effort since they met, getting on the train, not to act like anything had changed. Nothing really had, she thought to herself…She’d just had an “epiphany” of sorts. Her thoughts returned again to what she considered to be the likelihood that Harry shared her feelings. Not very high, she thought. She’d still made up her mind, though. It didn’t manner. Of course she wouldn’t say anything now, though. What nonsense that would be. Harry hadn’t even arrived at school yet and she’d already have messed it up for him.

            She decided that trying to read this book was hopeless. Not only was it dreadfully boring (although this wasn’t something that usually stopped her from reading a book), but she couldn’t even concentrate. She closed the book with a snap, looked up at Harry, and noticed that he was already looking at her. She smiled at him, and he returned it, and she looked away quickly.

            While Hermione knew she wouldn’t tell Harry what she thought any time soon, it still bothered her to think of when she might…and ever worse, what his reaction would be. She pushed that train of thought out of her mind because, as she had told herself dozens of times, it didn’t matter. He was going to find out anyway. She just didn’t know when. That would have to wait until another time.

            Ron carried on for a while until he finally bored himself out of his own train of thought. Apparently he could only talk about who would be filling Fred and George’s spots for so long. He’d said something about how quiet they were being, Hermione couldn’t remember, because she wasn’t really paying attention, but she acknowledged him as he stood up and walked out of the compartment.

            Harry started talking to her, and asked her how she’d been. They began talking about summer, and about Harry’s visits from the Order, and how they’d drastically improved his life with the Dursleys. Hermione was happy that his summer hadn’t been totally miserable. Hers hadn’t been entirely spectacular, but she felt that she didn’t really have anything to complain about. Of course, there were times when she couldn’t sleep, but she wasn’t about to say anything about that to him, and at least she had a family that loved her. He’d predicted correctly that Hermione had already read all of their course books. She saw him smile when she told him she’d read them all already. Harry and Ron had always had their fair share of chuckles about her reading the books ahead of time. She’d had nothing better to do, of course. She’d never imagined that something like this would be something that Harry would find comfort in.

            The conversation had died out momentarily, and Hermione took the opportunity to get up out of her seat and walk up and down the corridors for a while. As she walked out she saw in a reflection in the cabin window that Harry was watching her leave. She needed to get up and walk around for a little while. She walked down a little farther towards the back of the train and leaned against one of the windows and watched the scenery pass by. She didn’t know how well she’d manage with this weight on her chest…She needed to let it off, but she also had to wait until the right time. When that was, she couldn’t know. She expected it would probably be one those “spur of the moment” things. She decided that she ought not to think about it…The right moment would come and when it did, that would be the right time. Until then, there was no point at all dwelling on it, she told herself.

            She turned around and walked back to the cabin, and saw that Ron had already returned. He and Harry were talking, and it looked to her like Harry had livened up a little. He wasn’t looking out the window any longer. He seemed more engaged in the conversation than he was before. She sat down and joined it. The rest of the train ride seemed to pass quickly. The three of them had been talking the whole time when they noticed the train slowing down. They changed into their school robes and waited until it was time for them to get off of the train.