Outrunning Our Shadows

Disclaimer: All characters (but those I've invented) belong to JK Rowling and the respective publishing houses. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made on this story apart from the personal enjoyment I get in writing it.

Outrunning Our Shadows

Of Cue Cards and Fix-It Kits

True to my word, I treated Amos Diggory to an almost constant succession of glares and pointed looks throughout the Halloween Feast. For his part, Amos looked quickly away any time he met my eyes, and toed the line of appropriate behavior while being seated at the Gryffindor table with us and our other Hufflepuff “dates.” Sirius and Remus joined occasionally in the intimidation attempt, but were more often talking in low voices between themselves, likely about whatever entertainment they had concocted for the occasion. Peter occasionally met my eyes over the bent heads of Rue and Doris, who sat between us, and chirped merrily about something or another, missing Pete's desperate glances and my distracted glares. Lily divided her time between making polite conversation with Amos, and throwing me half-amused, half-annoyed looks. For each look she threw my way, I sent her a bright smile.

The Great Hall looked exactly as we had planned it. The air above the tables was filled with hovering jack-o-lanterns and glowing candles that guttered and flared to simulate a night atmosphere. Eyes seemed to be blinking out of the walls, which were shrouded in shadowing charms, and when conversation was at a lull, the hoots of owls and bays of wolves could be heard in eerie echoes. The skeletons that I had helped transfigure crept slowly around the room, occasionally sneaking up on a particular student, but mostly ambling about, making faces at one another. Bats swooped down from the ceiling which was dark but for an overlarge full moon (Dumbledore had allowed us to tweak the charm a bit - the real full moon was still a week away), and a mist covered the floor up to about 5 centimeters, so that the overall effect was quite extraordinary. I looked about with pride at all we had accomplished. The Great Hall had never looked so different, in my opinion.

Sirius looked over from his cloistered conversation with Remus to see my wide smile as I looked about. “The décor's wicked, Prongs,” he complimented. “It's brilliantly done.”

Remus nodded in agreement. “The Prefects have done a very good job on this, James. You should be very proud of it.” Then he looked up briefly as a howl split the air. Softly, not taking his eyes away from the ceiling, he said, “It's probably the only time I'll ever hear one.”

“Well then, mate,” remarked Sirius, clapping Remus on the shoulders, “enjoy it while you can. One thing I have to ask,” he added, cocking his head thoughtfully, “can you translate those howls? I've always wondered what they're saying.”

Remus favored Sirius with a bland look. “She is calling to the moon, saying, `I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.' Happy?”

Sirius's eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. Remus gave up the straight face and began to chuckle, and I joined him soon after. Recovering quickly, Sirius shook his head slightly, an amused smile on his face. “Ecstatic, mate.”

“Brilliant.” Remus commented, smiling. “Let's go, Padfoot. We should probably finish our little project.”

A Cheshire Cat grin unfolded on Sirius's face. Tapping his fingers on the table, he faced me and drawled, “You'll be proud of us, James. But then,” he added, “you were too busy working on a different project, weren't you? You seemed awfully worked up before…did you actually get any work done?” He mimed nudging his elbow into my ribs with a wink. I felt my face flush, and Sirius's grin grew even wider, stretching across his entire face before he dissolved into sniggers. Remus followed suit, chuckling more at Sirius than at my burning cheeks.

“Oi, Black!” came a voice down the table. Lily was leaning her elbow on the table, smirking at the two immature gits across from me. “Shut your yap, you horny little toad. That was me in his room, not some harem of Hufflepuffs,” she drawled, looking over at Rue and Doris to add, “no offense intended, of course.”

Doris shrugged, and Rue looked a bit ruffled. Still blushing a bit, I gave a half-apologetic smile to the blonde witch on my left. You sit with the Gryffindors, you enter the Lion's den, I thought, it's not my bloody fault you've got thin skin. Sirius's smile faded a bit, but he raised an eyebrow, as if to ask just what she had been doing in my room that I wouldn't let my own friends inside.

Rue's flustered look was magnified four-fold by Lily's next comment.

She looked positively cat-like as she stretched her neck and shoulders to see everyone clearly, green eyes twinkling with good humor. “Actually,” she purred, “we were working on that group project that Rue suggested last week. You know the one,” she paused for effect, “the four-some. We hadn't finished our work in the library, and so had to relocate to more…ah…private quarters.”

Sirius positively guffawed before laughing like an imp. I coughed a bit and looked at Lily, who just smirked, while the rest alternated between wide grins and snickers. Rue, after a few moments, decided that Lily wasn't implying that she was a scarlet woman, and joined in with a shy smile. Peter rolled his eyes at Lily for her impertinent comment before his attention returned to Doris, who had tugged his sleeve, asking what was so funny about a group project.

After several minutes of childishness, we slowly recovered, with occasional snorts and titters. It was great to see everyone in good spirits, and I smiled brightly to Rue, glad that she could join us in a moment of fun rather than overt seriousness. She patted my hand, rolling her eyes, but returning my grin. “I'm glad to be here too,” she said, answering my unspoken comment. As if to prove this, she snaked her hands around my left arm, hugging it lightly before turning back to Doris.

~~~~~~

“James, are you listening?” I jerked my head back to look at Rue, who was in the process of telling me about the party her parents were planning at Christmas. She didn't look upset, but I could tell that she was getting tired of repeating herself, as this was not the first time I'd zoned out that evening.

I nodded at Rue, who resumed describing the different types of mistletoe that they would hang. At least Lily looks like she's having fun, I thought, trying not to stare at my friend, who was laughing at yet another of Amos's jokes. I could even detect a faint blush on her cheeks, and I swallowed hard. Stay out of it. She's happy with Amos, I told myself, sternly.

And she did seem to be. She had smiled throughout dinner, even at the points where his hand had brushed hers on the way to grabbing the water goblet. Amos, for his part, had seemed to realize that it was better to keep any snide remarks about the Quidditch match for later, especially since he was sitting at the Gryffindor table. As much as I wanted him to be a jerk, to completely humiliate Lily, I had to admit that he was being a gentleman to Lily. Not noticing that Rue had finished her story and was awaiting an answer, I watched Lily smiled as Remus leaned over to whisper in her ear. Her eyes furrowed for a moment before responding to Remus, who then rose from the table with Sirius and left the Hall at a brisk pace. Turning her head and seeing me watching, she smiled, eyes twinkling merrily. As I raised my eyebrows in question, she said, half-laughing, “Oh, this is going to be good!” Must be that prank they're so excited about. Lily gave me a wink before turning back to Amos and Peter, who seemed to be having a staring competition. I wonder who's winning, I thought, mind wandering off yet again before Rue cleared her throat and I turned, guiltily, back to my girlfriend.

I found myself half-wishing I'd taken Sirius's advice about women. It was tough to be a boyfriend! I found that I was supposed to pour Rue's pumpkin juice, offer her bits of food from my own plate when she could just as easily have gotten some herself, and ignore my friends just to pay attention to her stories. I did what I could, pulling out her bench and offering her a hand up when she and Doris left for the restroom, and making sure to include her in progression of conversation at the table.

So how do I do normal?
The smile I fake
The permanent wave of cue cards and fix-it kits
Can't you tell?
I'm not myself

Still, I found that it was hard to really talk with her as part of the group. Must be because we spend most of our time snogging, I thought, looking at those lips which I found to be much more effective at kissing than any other activity. Shaking my head slightly, I made a conscious effort to pay attention to Rue, who was now talking about the upcoming Yule Ball. It was all I could do to nod and smile appropriately, constantly reminding myself not to voice those pert comments that keep popping into my brain.

I was saved several minutes later by the return of Sirius and Remus to the table with satisfied grins. Ignoring my impatient looks requesting explanation, Sirius merely nodded over to the Slytherin table, where a disturbance was brewing.

Severus Snape was in the middle of eating what looked like blood pudding when he suddenly threw down the spoon and pushed away the food forcefully. With a cry, he leapt from the table, pointing around to the students nearest him, looking accusatory. Wild-eyed, he pulled out his wand, waving it menacingly as he backed into the wall nearest him, glaring at everyone around him, who had begun to pay attention. The snickering began as he jumped suddenly, spinning around to level his wand at the wall, where a pair of eyes was blinking at him balefully. Just as abruptly, he turned back around to face the Hall, sneering at the students who had begun to watch him avidly.

Sirius couldn't control his laughter, and a loud snigger escaped, drawing Snape's attention like a magnet. The glare he gave our table was enough to throw me into giggles as Sirius and Remus smiled back, waving innocently. Peter, taking advantage of Snape's moment of weakness, looked squarely at Snape as he deliberately covered his mouth with his hand and leaned over to whisper something to Lily across the table. Snape's eyes bulged out of his head at this, and waved his wand in warning before turning to glare accusingly at a passing skeleton.

I turned away from Snape to gape at my friends, amazed. “How'd you do it?”

Remus looked inordinately pleased with himself, and he smiled conspiratorially. “We got the original idea from a Muggle psychology book in Lily's bookroom. It was on `abnormal psychology,' whatever that means, and had some brilliant examples of mental disorders and diseases. We found this one that seemed appropriate for our already paranoid friend, and tried to duplicate it with magic.”

Sirius chimed in, grinning madly. “It wasn't quite Confundus-class, since our goal wasn't to confuse him, but we took an Invisible Other Charm and infused it with that Paranoia Powder we got at Zonko's last time, and used a Restricted Section book to help us make it into a potion.”

“The elves were more than happy to help us out by adding some seasoning to Snape's dinner,” Remus added.

“And, voila. As good as we can get to paranoid schizophrenia.”

“Not bad, Moony, Padfoot, not bad,” I said slowly, feeling a grin creep across my face. I almost felt jealous that they could achieve this without me, but it was such a great prank, I doubt I would have been able to add anything to it. One thing caught my mind, though. “Hey Lil,” I asked, “what'd they need from you before they left?”

“Oh that,” she said, waving her hand dismissively, “they just needed to know if a Snooze charm would counteract the potion, since they wanted to be back in the Hall before Snape went berserk.” She looked over at Snape, who had begun to stalk around the Hall, snarling at the skeletons and looking suspiciously over his shoulder whenever one of the owls would hoot.

Giving credit where credit was due, I toasted Remus and Sirius for a prank well done. “To Moony and Padfoot and their excellent research into Muggle science!” I intoned quietly, with my goblet raised slightly.

“Hear hear!” The echo went softly down the Gryffindor table, repeated by those in hearing vicinity. We all drank, still chuckling and watching Snape bark at any student who so much as looked at him.

I noticed, however, that none of our non-Gryffindor guests had joined in our toast. While Amos had smirked at Snape's expense, neither Rue nor Doris appeared to be amused. Doris looked to be near tears, and Rue…well, Rue looked positively appalled. My snickering stopped abruptly at her wide eyes. When Doris's gasp turned into hiccoughs, the smiles around the table faded quickly.

Peter patted Doris's arm awkwardly. “Aww, come on Doris, we were just having a bit of sport, that's all!” He chuckled weakly, as if to bring back the lighter atmosphere. When this did nothing to quiet the sniffling girl, he looked at me, guilt in his eyes. I shrugged, as mystified by her reaction as he was. Peter tried once more, saying, “James thought it was funny—“ He broke off as Doris sobbed a bit louder, covering her face with her hands and bending low over the table, seemingly overcome by emotion.

“James found it funny, did he?” asked a flat voice. Next to me, Rue had come out of her shock and looked at me with a hard gaze. Her brown eyes held me, demanding an explanation, a retraction, a denial.

My mouth fell open a bit as I sought an acceptable response. Unbidden, Lily's voice came into my head, accusing and full of scorn. “You told me that she didn't like your pranks, but James! It's who you are! If she can't accept you for all of your qualities, then she really isn't any different from the other girls that flock to you!” I felt my jaw tighten against the unwanted chiding, but the meaning of her words swept through me like a slow chill. Lily knew that I didn't want or need her interference in my relationship, but I refused to look down the table at her, in case there was that I told you so smirk on her face.

I looked at Rue, who opened her mouth, as if to speak again. Recalling her reaction last time we had a spot of fun and not wanting to repeat the resulting groveling I'd done, I held up a finger to preempt the onslaught. Looking straight in her eyes, I said simply, “Rue, please not now.”

She paused in her actions, still looking irritated, but she sat back a little, saying nothing. Her lips spread in a thin line, and she made a small noise of disgruntlement. She watched my hand as I moved it away from fiddling with my fork to take her own small hand, rubbing my thumb up and down the soft skin in a conciliatory gesture. I could feel her relax slowly until I was (almost) sure that she wouldn't make a scene in the middle of the Hall.

I leaned over enough to put my mouth near her ear. “I will be happy to discuss this with you later, ok? I don't want to ruin this evening, especially not when I have such lovely company.” And she did look lovely, I had to admit. Despite my preoccupation with Amos and his actions toward Lily, I had noticed that Rue's eyes sparkled with a light glitter, and her cheeks shone with a rosy hue. Her eyes further softened, and I leaned forward to give her a kiss. As I did so, I half-expected my friends to sigh dramatically, and was grateful that they remained quiet. After a firm lip-locking, I pulled away, blushing slightly at my forward display and happy that I'd finally been able to just kiss her as I'd wanted to do all night.

Sitting back down, I noticed that Doris was still uncharacteristically quiet, though her sobs had quieted to periodic sniffles. Peter was still awkwardly trying to comfort her, with little success. Looking across the table, I took in the expressions on my mates' faces. Across from me, Sirius looked somewhat put out. Probably torqued that they ruined the prank celebration. Remus appeared to be somewhat resigned with the muted atmosphere, but still cast disparaging glances toward the Hufflepuffs. I glossed over Lily, still not wanting to see her smirk, and found Amos, well, just sitting there. He didn't appear to be reacting at all, but instead looked past me, to the person casting a shadow on my meat pie.

“Mr. Potter.” I turned guiltily to face Professor McGonagall, who looked down sternly at me. “That was inappropriate behavior for such a public place, is that understood?”

I was about to form a “Yes ma'am” when she suddenly turned around at the sound of a shout. Snape had apparently hexed one of the skeletons, thus disrupting the transfigured decoration, and now appeared to be wrestling with a white sheet that was wrapped tightly around him. McGonagall strode quickly over to him, disengaged Snape from the sheet, and muttered a spell to restore the violent fabric to its quiescent state.

“Mr. Snape!” her voice rang out through the Hall. “What are you doing?”

Snape, looking around warily at all the attention on him, pointed at our table with a shaking finger. “It was Potter. Potter wanted to spy on me. He made this, Professor.”

McGonagall tutted, ignoring Snape's childish accusations. “I am sure that Mr. Potter has done nothing of the sort, Mr. Snape. Now would you please return to your seat before you cause more of a fuss?”

Snape laughed sharply, barking out, “Well of course you wouldn't think he didn't anything. You're his Head of House, after all.” He now focused his attention on McGonagall, raising his wand and leveling it at her chest. “All you Gryffindors, scheming together…”

I couldn't see too clearly, but I imagine that McGonagall's lips went thin. “Be that as it may, Mr. Snape,” her voice ground out imperiously, “I believe I will be seeing you in my office before class tomorrow, to discuss your detention. I'll be happy to discuss your issues with house fairness at that time. Now sit down, Mr. Snape,” she commanded, walking back quickly to the Head Table. Snape sent a look of disgust in her direction before sitting down, thus ending the Hall's entertainment.

Returning my attention to our table, I noticed Rue looking at me, with a slight smile on her face. I shrugged with a wry smile, saying, “Well, she's right. I had nothing to do with this one.”

Sirius stabbed at his dinner, muttering under his breath, “…stupid git, can't even recognize my handiwork.”

Remus snorted next to him. “Stop grousing. He forgot about me too.”

I looked apologetically across the table at my two friends. “Let's not worry about this here. My stomach is telling me that it's time for dessert.” My stomach was indeed rumbling, and I felt a taste for something tart. Turning to Rue, I asked if she would like me to get her anything while I was up.

“Anything with apple would be marvelous,” she said, smiling. I gave her a quick kiss, mindful of McGonagall, and looked around to the rest of the table. Lily and Amos appeared to be in deep conversation with Peter and Doris about the upcoming Quidditch match (so much for refraining from trash-talk at the Gryffindor table, I groused) and Remus and Sirius appeared to be re-hashing the effects of their prank.

Seeing no one paying attention, I got up resolutely, and walked toward the dessert table that lined the wall. This walking involved passing the Slytherin table, where Snape still perched in the corner seat, trying to keep an eye on every member of the student population. When combined with his attempts to keep watch on the eyes peering out of the walls behind him, Snape's situation was cause for a chuckle as I sauntered past.

This was, quite possibly, the best way to get a rise out of Snape, who shot from his chair to point an accusatory finger at me. “You, you…” he snarled, his voice shaking with irrational anger.

Oh this is too much, I chortled to myself. Mocking his accusatory tone, I said, “Me, me…very good, Snape.” I didn't try to brush past, since I figured I needed some amusement at his expense before returning to disapproving Rue.

Snape just snarled, glaring at me even as he attempted to keep an eye on everyone in his vicinity. A pair of Ravenclaws conversing nearby looked over, snickered, and then proceeded to whisper to each other animatedly.

Baiting Snape simply because I could, I noted, “Yes, they are laughing at you.”

The Slytherin snarled at the still-giggling students, who smirked as they walked back to the Ravenclaw table. Turning to face me, he whipped out his wand. “I don't know what you're planning, Potter, but you had better think twice. I've got powerful friends, but you know that already, don't you?” He twirled his wand, adding some snootiness to his already paranoid glare.

Oh great, I thought, even when he's paranoid, he gets on his high hippogriff. Enough of this. “Look, you great ugly git,” I spat, “I don't care whom you hide behind, and I'm not afraid of your twig here.” I swatted his wand out of his hand briskly, causing it to clatter under the dessert table, leaving a trail of sparks as it rolled. “Now,” I continued, no longer amused and feeling conspicuous as the buzz of conversation died down. “Get out of my way, you fanged sod. I've no time for your mind games.” I made a move to turn away, but Snape grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back roughly. Yech, I am burning these robes when I get back to the Tower.

“I see the power plays you're trying to make here, Potter,” he murmured venomously into my ear, “convincing everyone that you're such a Golden Boy and that I'm…” he waved his hand in dismissal. “Well, let me tell you something - you'd do well to realize that come next year, you'll have no one to hide behind, no family, no friends, not even your precious Dumbledore.” He gave a quick bark of mocking laughter. Pulling me closer so that no one could possibly overhear, he hissed, his breath causing goose bumps to sprout on my neck, “you can plot and scheme all you want here, Potter, but outside these walls, you'll find yourself seriously outmatched, and I look forward to your day of reckoning….” I could hear his smile as he said this.

He released me abruptly, and I almost reeled. What was he thinking, threatening me in front of the school? I felt cold, and I blinked a few times before I could control myself enough to not hex him where he stood. Calm down, James, calm down. I took a deep breath, and started to turn around, counting to ten repeatedly in my head. I don't need another detention, I repeated, I can't get detention before the match.

I'd almost managed to turn myself to face the Hall doors when I heard it: a low, sneering, barb. To anyone else, it might have seemed innocuous and slightly random. For me, it ripped through my self-control like the sharpest knife. “Found a greater good yet, Potter?”

So it's come to that, has it?

I spun around, a red haze obscuring my vision as I grabbed a fistful of Snape's robes and hauled him bodily close to me. “Don't you get sick of this, Snape?” I ground out. I didn't notice my voice rising in volume as I continued. “These pathetic little threats under your breath, the innuendos, the implied malice? D'you actually think I give a damn if I know I'll be offed before I reach 25?” My voice cracked, as the thought of orphaning my own children broke through my anger.

But I hear deep in myself
An echo, an echo
Of empty, empty emptiness
Comes up and swells inside

I swallowed the rising bile in my throat at the thought, and continued, voice soft again, but I held his now-wide eyes with a steel gaze. “You talk about me and my kind; well I know your kind, Snape, you and all your insignificant wars and tallied scores. You spend all your time tearing others down, but all you really want is respect that you'll never earn. You look for friends in high places, but all you'll ever be is a lonely sod with no soul and no honor.” I spat these out with a calm I did not feel, watching his eyes fill with an emotion that could have either been fear or resentment. Impelled to finish my tirade, I forced my lips into a smirk. “Harp on me all you want, Snape, but know this: I will use every day that I live to remind you of what you will never be.”

I released him abruptly, throwing him back into the Slytherin table with enough force to make him stumble to keep from falling down. My mind in knots, and no longer feeling grateful to Sirius and Remus for this altered and poisonous Snape, I strode out of the Hall, the doors banging shut forcefully behind me.

It would not occur to me until many hours later that I had left Rue alone with my friends at the Gryffindor table, having neglected to bring her the requested apple torte.

~~~~~~

Instead of returning to the Tower, I stormed out the front doors and headed to the Quidditch Pitch, summoning my broom quickly and ascending to the highest roof of the Gryffindor stands. Looking out at the empty stadium, I considered that tomorrow, these stands would all be full. There wouldn't be time to worry about my parents, or Rue, or even Lily. All that would matter would be those three golden hoops that stood so innocently at the other end of the Pitch.

After a few minutes of silent reflection, a shout brought my attention to the ground far below, and I made out three figures. It seemed that Remus, Sirius, and Peter had left the Feast as well, and I flew down to greet them.

“You up for a game of 2-on-2, Prongs?” Remus asked, throwing a Quaffle from hand to hand, looking slightly concerned.

“Ugh no,” Peter moaned, “you know I'm no good at flying against you three. How about we just play some PIXIE?” I considered the game and nodded, and the four of us kicked off into the evening sky. We tossed around the Quaffle for a few minutes to start, warming up our arms for the game that entailed trick moves to throw the Quaffle through the hoops. A type of follow-the-leader, anyone that couldn't make the shot added a letter until the loser had enough to spell PIXIE and the game was over.

Sirius, catching the last toss from Remus, called out, “We're only playing PIXIE, James? I'd think we would need to play CORNISH PIXIE, if only because the game would last longer than 10 minutes. You know we're no match for your Chasing skills.” He threw the Quaffle at me, and I half-heartedly lobbed it to Remus, who had to dive 10 feet to his left to catch my wayward throw. Sirius looked at me, considering. “On second thought, Prongs,” he said slowly, “I retract that statement. Would you rather play IMP instead?”

“What's on your mind, James?” Peter asked, flying slowly up to where I waited, unmoving, staring off into space. Remus tossed the Quaffle to Sirius, and the two of them flew closer to join the conversation.

“Snape is a git,” I said shortly, frowning.

“What'd he say?” inquired Remus.

I grabbed the Quaffle from Sirius's hands and looked down at it. “He insulted my parents. Asked if I'd found my greater good yet. Stupid git!” With that sentiment, I hurled the Quaffle as hard as I could, and was mildly surprised that it sailed through the lowest hoop on the far side of the Pitch.

Remus raised his eyebrows, looking at my throw. “I hope that wasn't the first shot, James. We'll never be able to make that far of a goal.” Peter nodded before chasing after the ball.

I turned to Sirius, who had yet to say anything. I knew he understood, since he remembered those Winter Hols as well as I did. He shook his head in anger, and patted my back, but said nothing. Nothing else needed to be said.

“You know, Snape's not the only one,” commented Remus, flying in slow circles around Sirius and me. “I've been hearing things lately, that the Slytherins are getting bolder in how they talk to other students, prefects, and even some of the professors.”

Peter flew up, wobbling slightly as he tried to balance the ball and his broom. “D'you think that any of them have joined…” he broke off, swallowing.

“Of course they have,” Sirius snapped. “Evil gits.”

“Speaking of evil gits,” Peter said, moving the conversation away from discussion of the Dark Lord, “did you hear Amos badmouthing the Gryffindor Quidditch team?” He looked indignant. “And while sitting at our table too!”

Privately, I agreed that Amos needed a good thrashing for any number of reasons. Aloud, I murmured, “there's a difference, Wormtail, between an evil git and a stupid git. Amos just needs a few bludgers tossed his way to shut him up.” Looking at Sirius, I added slyly, “Hey Padfoot, how's your aim when it comes to stupid gits?”

Sirius took the Quaffle, which Peter surrendered wordlessly, and played with it for a moment before answering. “More than fair, Prongs. Don't worry,” he added, “I heard what he was saying at the Feast, and he'll be too busy tomorrow dodging to sling any more mud at your team.”

“How are the teams this year, James?” Remus asked, changing the subject again. “Didn't the Ravenclaw captain graduate?” He caught the Quaffle Sirius threw and tossed it to me, and I passed it to Sirius, resuming our easy game of catch.

Sirius chose to answer. “Yeah, that was Kinsley, but now they've got Robert Chang as Captain. On Ravenclaw, though, we'll have to watch out for Fletcher and Francis Clearwater. Those two Chasers are lethal when they're on their game.” He batted the ball with his broom to Peter, who caught it easily.

“Fletcher,” Peter said, “that's Amanda's brother, right?” The ball was passed to Remus, who threw it to me without a word.

Nodding to Peter, I answered, “Yeah, that's Mundungus. He's a nice enough bloke, but he's ruthless on the Pitch.” I lobbed the Quaffle in the air before flipping upside down to send it through the nearest hoop.

Breaking our loose circle, I rocketed after the ball, feeling the whoosh of the twilight air around me, carrying Peter's next words. “Well, you're not playing Ravenclaw tomorrow. Why worry about them when you have to face Hufflepuff?”

I caught the Quaffle about 20 feet from the ground and rejoined the other three in time to hear Sirius's snide “Hufflepuff Schmufflepuff.”

Shaking my head at my best friend, I admonished, “No, Padfoot, they've got a really good team this year. You know Phoebe Abbot's a good Keeper, and they've got Bagman as Beater. I'm counting on you to keep me out of the Hospital Wing, you know.” I paused for a moment, feeling a smirk flit across my face. “On second thought,” I drawled, “maybe I'll talk to Assad and get him to flank me on some of those trick plays.”

Sirius laughed aloud. “Such faith, James, such faith.”

We continued to toss the Quaffle around for a little while longer, not even bothering to play IMP or PIXIE or whatever we'd agreed upon. When the weak twilight gave way to full night, we returned to the ground, stowed the Quidditch ball chest, and walked in peaceful silence back to the castle.

~~~~~~

After ordering the team to bed, I found myself staring at the ceiling of our dormitory, resting but restless. I'd get like this sometimes before matches: laying down, trying to sleep, and then springing from bed to jot down a thought or triple-check my Quidditch gear. So far, I'd organized my closet, trimmed my broom twice, and even written my essay for Transfiguration. True to Lily's word, it had taken less than an hour for me to write half a scroll's worth of commentary on the ethics of transfiguring or conjuring items of material wealth. The finished essay was now lying next to a checklist of things to do, to which I'd twice leapt from bed to add a line. The list itself was a jumble of phrases, from talk to Rue about torte to no more caffeine, Pitch at 14h, and party? In Common Room. Thinking about how easy it had been to talk to the boys about what Snape had said, I realized that Rue might not understand why I'd left the Feast so quickly. True, she didn't like the prank, and if not for that paranoia, Snape might have left me alone. Still, I'd walked out on her during the Feast, just as I had during the Hogsmeade trip. Grimacing, I realized that I hadn't been doing right by Rue for some time, and that there was no immediate way for me to patch things up. Some great boyfriend I am.

You brought this on yourself
And it's high time you left it there
Lie here and rest your head and
Dream of something else instead

It was nearing midnight before I was able to quiet my mind and muscles and slip into sleep, dreaming of snitches and quaffles chasing me through the halls of Hogwarts.

~~~~~~

Sirius knew better than to wake me on Quidditch days.

Instead, it was Peter who shook me awake a half-hour before breakfast, eyes sparkling with anticipation of an afternoon match. Rolling out of bed, I took inventory. Neck, good. Shoulders, a bit sore, but they can be stretched out. I contorted my body into a pretzel shape, silently urging my joints to be limber today. Remus looked over from where he was dressing across the room to chuckle as I sighed audibly, hearing my back crack and pop. Ahh, that's much better.

“Sirius is already downstairs waiting for us when you're ready, Prongs,” he said, running his hands through his hair hurriedly. I nodded, turning to my pile of clothes and schoolbooks on my desk. Yes, I thought happily, it's definitely a Quidditch day.

Remus and I met Sirius and Peter inside the portrait hole, and we processed down to breakfast together, chatting amiably and in high spirits despite the fact that we had classes to get through before the match. Inside the Great Hall, we sat down without fuss, and I filled my plate with eggs and a biscuit before looking around to see who else was awake. At the Hufflepuff table, Rue was sitting with Doris and Samantha Brinkworth, but they didn't appear to be talking. Glancing past a group of Ravenclaws seemingly involved in a morning study session, I noticed Lily standing with Amos toward the far end of the Hufflepuff table. While I couldn't hear what they were saying, I couldn't miss Lily leaning over to give Amos a kiss on the lips before waving and walking toward the other 6th year Gryffindor girls a few benches down. I could feel my jaw tightening, and I repeated my mantra, stay out of it. She's happy. Stay out of it. Unfortunately, `it' rhymes with `git,' and I found the phrase altered after several repetitions to be Lay off, you git. Sitting down at his table facing me, Amos curled his mouth into a smirk in my direction before he, too, settled in to breakfast.

Halfway through my eggs, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking at it, I noted the long, pointed nails painted a garish green and the chunky rings before looking up, into the face of Rita Skeeter, whose other hand was twirling her quill, as was her habit. “Tell me, James,” she said mournfully, “how does it feel to be abandoned by not only your best friend, but your girlfriend as well?” What the…I had no idea what she was talking about. Clearly she saw this puzzled look as she continued, smoothly, “Well, obviously Rhuanned will be cheering for her House this afternoon, and it looks like Lily prefers Amos's company to your own. What does that say about her house loyalty?” Her eyes glinted with malicious humor.

“Oh shove off, you harpy,” Sirius scowled. Rita smirked at his reaction before walking off to her table, twirling her quill as she went.

After that interruption, we finished rather quickly, and I caught up with Amos as we passed the doors of the Hall en route to Charms. “Hey Diggory!” I called out.

Amos turned around slowly, letting his friends walk ahead. “What do you want, Potter? Are you going to lecture me about being a gentleman to Lily?” Yes, actually I was. “Are you going to toss a few barbs about the match this afternoon?” No, I think we covered them last night at the Feast, thanks. “What do you want, Potter?” He stood there, smirking, looking oh-so-confident.

Stupid git. “What I want, Diggory, is for you to have more respect for the table you sit at than you showed last night. I want you to watch your step with Lily. If anything happens to her, you have four people who will come to beat an apology out of you.” Damn right, I'll beat it out of you. Probably not stop after the apology either.

Amos laughed mockingly, “Relax, Potter. I won't hurt her.” He smirked. “You see me as a threat, don't you?” I guess he caught my stunned look, since I hadn't expected the statement, and I didn't know what he was referring to. “Well,” he continued, “I guess you should. See you on the Pitch, Potter.” With that, he walked back to his friends who enfolded him in their group as they walked to class.

~~~~~~

Classes just seemed to drag. I spent more time in both Charms and Transfiguration doodling Quidditch plays than I actually spent listening to the teachers. Why do they even bother holding classes at all? I pondered, grousing. It's not like the teachers have to want to teach, and it surely isn't like any of the students are listening. Looking around, I saw that most of my classmates were whispering to each other, or staring off into space. McGonagall was, as usual, scrupulously fair with our class; I suppose she had to be, since we shared it with the Hufflepuffs. She even took off 10 points from Peter for not sitting still. Not that I blamed her, since he was bouncing up and down in an annoying fashion, but really…10 points?

At the end of that class, however, I had no reason to complain. Walking past my desk as the class let out, Professor McGonagall asked to borrow my quill, and after writing a line on a scrap of parchment, gave me 10 points for my generosity. Stunned at my good fortune, I almost missed her muttered, “I expect to see some superb flying today, Mr. Potter.” After assuring her that the team was prepared and able, she nodded smartly before shooing us out of her classroom. Boy, if Snape had seen that… I chuckled all the way back to the Tower before finishing preparations for the match.

~~~~~~

How can anyone fly superbly when the Hufflepuff team is channeling Slytherin? I groused a short while later, flying erratically to avoid yet another bludgers hit my way by the Hufflepuff beaters. Less than an hour into the game, and there had already been four penalties, three of them by Hufflepuff. The one other had been called on Chase, who had been so angry at being tailed that he stopped abruptly in mid-air en route to the Hufflepuff goal and tripped Hamish McGregor, one of the Chasers, off his broom. Though I'm not sure why that was even a penalty. After all, I thought, seeing the Chaser whiz past me with the Quaffle, McGregor's just fine.

The score was 50-30 Gryffindor, but it looked to be far from over.

Glancing around quickly, I noted that my team was holding up well under the Badger onslaught. Sirius and Assad were furiously hitting Bludgers toward the Hufflepuff Chasers, and I'd seen Amos dodge crazily more than a few times. Gary Griffiths was in prime form as Keeper, blocking three times as many Quaffles as had got past him. Aiden flitted around the Pitch, searching for the Snitch. For my part, my fellow Chasers and I were working our tails off: trying to avoid Ludo Bagman's monster arm and get past the quick hands of Phoebe Abbot is no mean feat.

At that moment, with my head out of the game, three things happened all at once. Ludo Bagman sent a Bludger at Aiden that hit him square in the stomach, sending him into the side of the Slytherin stands, where he tumbled down the tapestry in an unconscious mess of limbs and robes. At the same time, McGregor scored for Hufflepuff, and made a rude gesture at Chase as he sped to celebrate with his teammates. The Hufflepuff crowd roared its approval and the Gryffindors moaned in disappointment. At that moment of chaos, however, I happened to look up as Amos Diggory took the Beater's Club and sent a Bludger my way. As I wondered idly where he had gotten it, as a Seeker, the Bludger glanced off my shoulder and I went spinning in mid-air, gasping at the stinging impact. What the bloody Hell was that for?

I glared at him quickly before speeding down to the referee to signal a time-out. The referee of the game was new to Hogwarts Quidditch, having been captain of the Montrose Magpies some decades ago. Hamish MacFarlan had agreed to guest-referee our matches until a new flying instructor was found. The old one, a spry old witch named Whissler, had charmed herself invisible when Voldemort began rising in power, and no one had seen her since. MacFarlan sounded the whistle, and the remains of my team gathered on the Pitch floor.

“Did you see that, sir?” I asked, motioning to where I'd been when the Bludger hit me. Clearly, it was a foul and I deserved a penalty shot. That really hurt, you git, I thought, rubbing my shoulder and wincing.

“See what,” said MacFarlan. “I saw them score, and your Seeker get conked out. Have you got a reserve ready?”

“No sir,” I said truthfully. We'd never expected our star Seeker to be unfit to play. Looking at the rest of the team, I asked, “you guys didn't see Amos hit that bludgers at me?” They shook their heads, though I could see Sirius furrow his brow in annoyance.

MacFarlan looked up from consulting the rulebook. “Well, if you don't have a reserve, you'll have to do without. In the professional leagues, you can substitute in, but not at Hogwarts.”

Play without a Seeker? Surely not. “Mr. MacFarlan,” I began respectfully, “can't I play Seeker? If I gave up my Chasing and caught the snitch, would that be a Snitchnip?”

The referee looked at me for a moment before leafing through the rulebook. Nodding slightly, he said, “You'd play with two Chasers then?” At my nod, he grunted. “Alright, back on your brooms then.”

I glanced at Chase and DeeDee, who looked at me as if I had three heads. “You're not Chasing?” DeeDee whispered, with wide eyes. “How are we supposed to score now?”

“Just keep the Quaffle away from the Hufflepuffs as best you can,” I replied, knowing that I'd have to catch the Snitch quick if we were going to keep Hufflepuff under control.

My teammates acquiesced, shaking their heads and muttering amongst themselves. We mounted our brooms, returned to the air, and upon MacFarlan's whistle, resumed the battle.

Taking over as Seeker gave me an opportunity to watch the game much more closely. Since I couldn't help them Chase anymore, I was left to watch helplessly as Hufflepuff scored twice more, once after stealing the Quaffle from DeeDee as she tried to dodge two bludgers at once (apparently Amos had returned the Club to its rightful owner). After Chase scored (and returned the gesture to McGregor with a sneer), the score was tied at 60. Where's that damn Snitch? I looked furiously around the Pitch for any sign of gold or movement, knowing that my pride was going to be hurt more than anything if Amos got there before I did.

Aha. A flash of gold at the base of the Gryffindor hoops and I was off, streaking through the other players as quickly as I could, flattening myself against the broom as I flew past Amos, close enough that he was knocked off balance. As I grabbed the Snitch and held it aloft to end the game, I looked back at Amos's face, which had turned a violent shade of purple.

The announcer, a 5th year Gryffindor named Dedalus Diggle, whooped into the microphone when he saw me waving furiously. “AND JAMES POTTER FLIES PAST AMOS DIGGORY IN AN UNORTHODOX MOVE AS SEEKER TO CATCH THE SNITCH. GRYFFINDOR TAKES THE MATCH, 210-60!”

Before I flew down to land my broom amid the cheering crowds, I kept my eyes on Diggory for a few seconds as his face transformed into a mask of outrage and frustration.

Laughing and in good spirits, I landed near my team, congratulating them and patting their backs in friendly camaraderie. Most of the Gryffindors were streaming onto the Pitch, and I noticed Remus and Peter coming over quickly, grinning widely.

Sirius slapped my back and I winced slightly as my shoulder jarred from the contact. “Nice catch, Prongs,” he complimented. “Who knew you were a closet Seeker?”

Peter and Remus had joined us now, congratulating the team and sharing in the celebrations. Said Peter, “Well done, mate. Way to show Diggory who's in charge!” His face was split into a great grin as he pointed over to where Amos had landed, still looking angry at the outcome of the match. I noticed Lily walk past Amos, shrugging at him and smiling wryly before walking over to our group and giving Sirius and me big smiles and hugs.

“That was some flying, James,” she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around my waist firmly. Looking down at her, I smiled widely in thanks and hugged her back, still full of adrenaline from the exhilarating afternoon. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rue standing near Amos, looking upset. She turned briefly toward me, unsmiling, before turning back to give Amos a hug and walking toward the rest of her House. Probably angry that I stole the match from Amos, I surmised.

We walked in a cluster over to the locker rooms, where the team stowed our gear and brooms before heading up to the castle. As I exited, I noticed Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore standing near the gates of the Pitch, looking at me. I wandered over after telling the others I'd catch them up. Professor McGonagall, dressed in black robes and her tight-fitting hat, seemed to be suppressing a wide smile as she said, “Not bad, Potter. Not bad at all.”

I grinned widely at her, knowing a compliment from her was rare praise indeed. “Thanks, Professor.”

Dumbledore then addressed me, eyes smiling over his half-moon spectacles. “That was an excellent catch, James,” he commented. “I've been informed that your Seeker has a mild concussion but will recover shortly.” I nodded my thanks, both for the compliment and the information. He continued with a slightly more serious tone. “I wondered if you might come for tea tomorrow before the Prefect meeting. I believe we may have a few things to discuss?” He looked at me, eyebrows raised.

What would I want to … ah. Snape. The Slytherins. My parents. In the chaos of the Quidditch game, all of those worries had slipped my mind. Looking at the headmaster, I nodded again, saying, “Of course, Professor. That would be very nice.” Dumbledore smiled again and turned to McGonagall, clearly indicating that they should return to the castle.

I ran ahead to meet up with my friends, catching up to the group of Gryffindors halfway to the castle. The hum of conversation was punctuated with laughs and cheers by the exuberant students, and I pushed aside my thoughts of the Slytherins, Rue, and everything that would interfere with my good mood. There are times for profound thought, I told myself, and now is most definitely not one of those times. Tomorrow, I can be an adult. But for now, let me celebrate with friends. Seeing my friends laughing and smiling brought a smile to my face, and I happily joined in the chatter of my housemates. For now, the burdens of the world can wait.

There will come a time
To put on a brave face
When everything is on the line
And we're in the same place

~~~~~~

A/N: Music for this chapter came from Frou Frou's “Hear Me Out” (Details), Dave Matthews Band's “Dreams of Our Fathers” (Everyday), Dido's “Slide” (No Angel), and Creeper Lagoon's “Lover's Leap” (Take Back the Universe and Give Me Yesterday).

In the Next: Tea with Dumbledore, a break-up, and some mischief and Marauding…

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