Twisted

Draco Malfoy leaned against the cold stone, his mercury eyes gazing at the water gushing from the fountain, that fell like tears back into the pool of water. Dark storm clouds were reflected on the clear surface, giving a shadowy quality to the water. It was going to be another rainy day…

Draco sighed and sat down by the fountain, running his fingers through the water, disrupting the smooth surface. He could feel the wind whipping at his face, as it picked up, sending sharp chills down his body. He felt so cold, so enclosed in himself. The knowledge of what he had done made him shiver with fear. He felt sick at the very thought of it, and felt so helpless knowing that no one was going to help him. They all believed he had made his choice. They knew that there was no going back for him, but he wasn’t sure how long he could keep pretending. Eventually they would find out. Eventually they would see what a monster he was…

Draco looked up from his brooding at the fountain, as something shining caught his eye. A small ray of light had escaped from the blanket of clouds and was shining down upon a girl. Her long, red hair looked like it was on fire in the sunlight, but that was not what had caught his attention. She was looking back at a person walking in the distance, her deep chestnut eyes sparkling, her lips curving into a warm smile. Draco frowned and stood up off the fountain steps, narrowing his eyes slightly to get a better look at the girl. She looked so happy, so carefree. It made him feel just a small sense of hope, because from this point of view, he could almost pretend she was smiling at him. That the warm smile she was giving her friend was really for him. He knew it was silly to think that way, but right now he was willing to seize anything to find some light in his dark world.

Draco gasped slightly as the girl caught his eye. He watched as her deep chestnut eyes widened in surprise, and felt his heart plummet when he realised who she was. Ginevra Weasley, daughter of his father’s mortal enemy, and one of the people he had teased relentlessly when he was younger. He had almost forgotten that Ronald had a sister, being too preoccupied with his own business. He sighed, knowing she would never smile at him in that way. He didn’t deserve it anyway, not after what he had done.

Ginevra tore her gaze from his and walked away, leaving Draco to gaze at the empty spot where she had been. He knew there was no point in dwelling on her any longer, but for some reason he could not get the image of her face illuminated by the light out of his mind. Shaking his head in frustration, Draco walked away from the courtyard and made his way towards the doors to the Great Hall. He decided he would go find Pansy. She was the only one he could turn to now. He knew he could not trust his other friends, but she had always been loyal to him at least. He didn’t know how he would have survived if she had turned on him too.

Draco pushed open the doors and moved past the swarm of people. It was amazing how disconnected he felt from them now. Ever since the incident, he had never been the same. Something had broken inside him that day. He would no longer be the cruel hearted boy who tortured people ruthlessly because of his own self proclaimed superiority. He couldn’t be that now. Not when he didn’t deserve anyone’s respect.

“There you are.” Pansy said with a worried frown, her dark blue eyes filling with the familiar concerned expression. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Draco shrugged. He hated explaining himself. He knew what she would say if he told her he had spent the past hour brooding in the courtyard. “Sorry.”

Pansy sighed and shook her head slightly. “Never mind. So are you going to come to dinner?”

Draco frowned and stared at his friend. She looked like a formidable figure, with her tall figure and hard faced features, but he knew she was soft at heart. She had always been there for him when he needed it most, and that was all that mattered. He didn’t know if he could face all the people in the Great Hall, but seeing Pansy’s determined expression, Draco realised there was no point in arguing with her. She was going to get her way this time.

Draco nodded and followed Pansy into the Hall. He could see all students chattering and laughing happily with one another. Pansy took a firm grip on his arm and steered him towards the Slytherin table. Draco could see the Slytherins all giving him curious glances, some glaring at him, and others just avoiding his eyes all together. Draco inwardly sighed, knowing that his choice had made him a stranger amongst his house. No one wanted to associate with him now. There was too much stigma attached to his name. Too many rumours that Draco could not solve; for the truth was far worse than the lies.

“Just remember to stay calm.” Pansy whispered. “You’ll be fine.” She squeezed his arm slightly, giving him the extra boost he needed. Draco nodded briefly to Pansy and sat down at the table, his eyes gazing along the students. Eyes glanced down at their plates, giving Draco a sense of relief that tonight no one would disturb him.

“Eat.” Pansy commanded. Draco glanced at her angrily, making her smile sheepishly. “Sorry. I know you hate it when I go all mother-hen on you, but I’m worried about you. I just want you to get a decent meal for once.”

Draco shook his head slightly and picked up his knife fork. Giving a pointed glance to Pansy, he scooped up some food and placed it in his mouth. The food tasted good, and it seemed that Pansy had been right in saying that he needed food, for soon he was eating ravenously, enjoying the way the hot food warmed up his whole body as he ate.

Pansy laughed lightly and ate her own food. “See, I told you that you should eat more.”

Draco rolled his eyes slightly, his mouth too stuffed with food for him to talk. Swallowing, Draco glanced at his friend with a tired expression. Even though she watched out for him, and continued to be his friend, Pansy never really understood. She didn’t understand the intense depression that had settled over him. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to sleep. He was just wasting away, waiting for the time when the school found out what he had done and locked him away.

“Hrm, those Gryffindors are being rather loud.” Pansy mused out loud. Draco looked up from his plate and followed Pansy’s gaze. He felt his heart clench slightly as his eyes fell on Ginevra Weasley. She was talking animatedly to her friends, her chestnut brown eyes sparkling with her excitement. He quickly tore his eyes away and stared back at his plate. Now was not the time to act like a silly boy lost in the throngs of love. She was just a girl. Just a stupid girl who he didn’t even know. And yet…somehow he felt a connection with her. When she had met his gaze, there was no amusement, no friendliness in her gaze, only a sort of pity. He wondered what she thought of him. Whether she hated him for what he had done, or perhaps she had moved on and forgot all about him. He did know that when she had looked at him, it was like she had seen right through him. That somehow her gaze had seen what no one else could: his pain.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” Draco said quickly, and stood up, his eyes averted from the red headed beauty only a few seats away. He walked through the swarms of students, past the teachers watching him through piecing gazes and pushed the doors open of the hall. He leaned against the cold, stone wall and took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tried to regain his composure. Why was he allowing this girl to get at him so much? Why did she affect him so?

“Mr. Malfoy.” A smooth voice said from in front of him. Draco opened his eyes in fright and stared at the tall, handsome man before him. He was the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Some Professor Delacroux from France, who had a particular dislike against Draco.

“Yes, Professor?” Draco said stiffly. He hated the expression in the man’s cool blue eyes. Draco knew that he had seen that expression before but he could not place where. It bothered him, and made him wary around the man even more.

“Shouldn’t you be in the Hall with the rest of the students?”

“I’m not feeling well.” Draco replied promptly. He was glad that he could at least lie well, and his dishevelled appearance was enough to give some credit to his lie.

“I see.” Professor Delacroux said softly. Draco didn’t want to hear anymore, merely giving a stiff nod to the professor, before heading off towards the Slytherin common room. He just wanted to sleep, to escape the confusion he was facing. Sometimes he thought he wanted to be around people, but as soon as he was with them, he wanted to be alone. Pansy was the only one he could handle being around, but even she rarely connected with him. He knew that it hurt her to know she could not help him, but he was beyond help by now. He had already accepted his fate, but it didn’t make things any easier. There was also the problem with the Weasley girl. He didn’t know why he felt so drawn to her. He had never bothered with her before, but now he could erase her face from his mind.

Draco sighed and muttered the password. The stonewall slid away, revealing the gloomy common room. The fire was burning in the grate but it seemed to be more clinging to life, rather then burning brightly. He sighed again and headed towards the boys’ dormitories. Opening the door, Draco walked into the room and collapsed against the bed, his eyes heavy from a sudden wave of tiredness. He just wanted it to all be over. He wanted out. He didn’t want to have to face the future any longer.

Draco stared at the blank walls. There were no windows in the dungeons, as it was underwater. It made him feel like he really was in a prison, though this whole castle felt like a prison lately. He had sacrificed everything for this, but for what? To live day to day worrying about whether he was going to be found out? To be scared of every glance given his way just in case someone suspected the truth? There was no sanctuary in that.

Draco ran his fingers over his face and let out a deep breath. If things had been different, if his father hadn’t of pushed him, perhaps things wouldn’t have ended up this way. It had only been a week since it had happened, a week since his life had shattered. A weight had been placed around his neck, choking him with the burdens of regret and guilt; a constant reminder of what he had done. He just wished he could go back and change his choices. Maybe then he could live like he used to…

Draco gasped and clutched his arm in pain. He could feel the burning on his skin and gritted his teeth. He pulled back his robe and stared at the ugly sight before him, a disfigurement on his skin. Closing his eyes, he pulled down his robe and ignored the pain searing through his arm. He had no choice but to deal with it. That was just the way things were now. If he showed anyone that mark, he was sure to be locked up, or worse, killed.

Angrily, Draco lay back against the bed and closed his eyes. He would just go to sleep, and perhaps tomorrow he would wake up and this would all be just some horrible twisted nightmare.