Is Hermione Getting Fat?

Yes, I know I'm supposed to be working on the conclusion to “Tell Me.” My problem is that while I know basically what happens, I'm having a hard time getting it written. So to try to help me break out of my writer's block on that story, this little plot bunny got shot.

This story may not be as funny as some of you think a humor story should be, but it's the category that fit best for it. I hope you'll get some good laughs out of it. Yes, Humor/Angst is a strange combination, but hopefully you'll see why I categorized it as such by the end of the story.

I also make a bit of a statement about the wizarding world in this story in regards to how they're behind the times of the muggle world around them.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. The Wizard Flu is a borrowed concept, but I don't remember whose story I read it in.

Is Hermione Getting Fat?

The Monday before Christmas holidays were to start, Lavender walked into the Great Hall with a concerned expression on her face and made a beeline straight for Harry and Ron. She plopped down in Hermione's usual spot. “Have either of you pathetic gits realized Hermione hasn't been feeling well the last few days?” she barked at them.

Ron paled. “Sorry,” he muttered with a mouthful of sausages. “I've been a bit busy helping Luna through her case of Wizard Flu.”

Harry guiltily looked down at his hands. “Sorry, I hadn't noticed either, but she's seemed fine when she's been around me,” he muttered before starting to get up. “I'm going to go see if she needs anything.”

Lavender grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back into his seat. “Sit down!” she ordered. “Hermione's on her way down here now anyways.”

Harry worriedly watched the doors of the Great Hall for Hermione. A couple of minutes later, she slowly walked into the hall and slowly walked towards them. As she approached and took a seat on the other side of Harry, he could see that she was trembling slightly and paler than her typical rosy complexion. “Are you okay, Hermione?” he asked.

Hermione shot Lavender as withering a glance as she could muster before responding irritably. “I'm fine, Harry. I've just caught a bug that's going around.”

Ron glanced at Hermione before turning to Lavender. “I thought you said Hermione was sick,” he said through a mouthful of eggs. “She looks like she's put on weight to me.”

Hermione hit Ron with an Itching Hex, then stood up and ran out of the Great Hall.

Harry grabbed a couple of slices of toast and wrapped them in a napkin as he stood up and looked at Ron. “Hey Ron, go back to being oblivious,” he snapped before taking off after Hermione.

“Ow!” he heard Ron cry out as he ran. “What was that for, Lav?”

“You never call a girl fat, Ron,” Lavender snapped at him.

“But I didn't…” Ron started to say, but Harry didn't hear the end of that statement as he exited the Great Hall and took off up the stairs after Hermione.

He finally caught up to her on the 3rd floor. “Hermione wait!” he called after her.

Hermione stopped and turned to let Harry catch up. Harry immediately wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug as she cried into his shoulder, “Why does Ron have to be so mean to me?”

Harry continued to hold her as he softly responded, “I don't know. That one was bad, even by his standards. But I'm sure Lavender and Luna will make him pay for it.”

Hermione sniffed. “Good. I don't know how Luna puts up with him. I just want to stay away from him for right now.”

Harry nodded in understanding as he didn't really want to see Ron right now either. “Let's go to the Room of Requirement.”

The two of them then set off slowly through the quiet halls of the castle.

*****

A couple of weeks later, Hermione had joined Harry and the Weasleys at the Burrow for the last couple of days of the Christmas holidays. Molly and Arthur had invited Hermione's parents to join them, but they had graciously declined.

Hermione's arrival happened to be just as Molly was putting the finishing touches on dinner. “Come in, Hermione,” Molly greeted her warmly. “Did you have dinner yet?”

“No, Mrs. Weasley,” Hermione replied. “I told mum you'd insist on feeding me when I got here.”

Molly grinned guiltily. “I like to make sure my children are well fed, and you and Harry are like our own children, dear.”

Harry stood at the base of the stairs smiling and watching the women interact. “Hi Hermione,” he said softly.

Hermione immediately dropped her trunk and ran over to give Harry a big hug. “Oh, Harry. I've missed you so much,” she whispered breathlessly in his ear.

Harry's face turned red as he looked up and saw Molly watching the greeting contemplatively. “Let's take your trunk upstairs before we sit down,” Harry told Hermione before pulling out his wand and levitating her trunk up the stairs.

A few minutes later, everyone was gathered around the dining room table. Ron and Luna had been interrupted in the middle of a rather passionate snogging session, much to Ron's irritation…until he found out that food was the reason for the interruption.

Dishes were passed around and plates were quickly filled with heaping helpings of Molly's delicious cooking. Harry noticed that Ron's observation from a couple weeks before was accurate, that Hermione had put on a little more weight. But he also noted that her plate was filled with healthy foods. Harry was wise enough not to comment aloud about his observations.

Ron wasn't as discrete. “Merlin's beard, Hermione, you're sure eating more than usual,” Ron said in surprise.

As soon as he finished his thought, Hermione's wand was in her hand sending an Itching Hex his way, followed a moment later by a Tickling Charm from Harry. “Aren't I allowed to enjoy your mother's cooking, Ronald?” she snapped.

Molly looked at Hermione for a minute, then glanced at Harry, before looking back at Hermione and nodding contemplatively. “Hermione, dear, can I have a word with you in private please?”

Hermione stood up and set down her fork. “Sure, Mrs. Weasley,” she replied. “I'll be glad to get out of the room for a minute and away from a certain insensitive prat.”

Molly led Hermione into the kitchen and closed the door behind them.

A couple of minutes later, Luna finally had pity on Ron, who seemed uncertain where he should be holding his sides in laughter or scratching them, and performed the counter-curses. “Ronald, you really need to learn to hold your tongue when you're around Hermione.”

“It's not my fault that she's been more irritable recently,” Ron protested as he shot a dirty look at Harry. “And she doesn't need help in getting back at me,” he snapped.

“You should listen to your girlfriend before Hermione puts you in the Hospital Wing,” Harry responded.

“And if Hermione doesn't, I'll treat you to the same Bat Bogey that I used on Malfoy a couple years ago,” Ginny chimed in.

Ron paled and looked towards the kitchen. “What I wouldn't give for a pair of Extendable Ears right now,” he said wistfully. “So I could hear how mum's scolding Hermione.”

Suddenly there were a pair of soft gasps from the kitchen, causing everybody in the dining room to turn their heads towards the door.

“You don't think Hermione just got fresh with mum, do you?” Ginny asked uncertainly.

“No,” Harry responded immediately, “she respects your mum too much to do that.”

“Harry's right,” Luna chimed in. “Hermione loves your mother like a second mum.”

Harry looked around at the others. “Let's eat,” he said firmly. “They'll tell us what they want, when they want to tell us.”

The others turned back to their plates and resumed eating. A few minutes later, Molly and Hermione both cam into the room looking a little paler than they'd left it. Molly was muttering something about having a word with Poppy and Minerva.

“Is everything okay, mum?” Ginny asked.

Molly looked around the table at the curious faces. “Oh yes, dear,” she stammered. “Everything's just fine.”

Harry could tell she was lying, but he wasn't going to call her on it. Even Ron had appeared to learn from his earlier mistake and turned his focus back to the food on his plate.

*****

About a month later it was becoming obvious to the rest of the castle that Hermione was gaining weight. Pansy had been the latest to find out the hard way that Hermione was also a bit testy about that fact, as she made the mistake of saying something about it within earshot of Hermione in the middle of a tough Double Potions class, earning Pansy a trip to the Hospital Wing.

On the way to the Great Hall for lunch, Hermione told the boys, “go ahead, I need to use the loo before I eat.”

“I'll save you your seat,” Harry told her, earning a grin from Hermione.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Ron turned to Harry and asked, “Do you have any idea why Hermione's gaining weight?”

Harry shook his head. “I've noticed that she's eating more, but it's healthy stuff she's eating.”

Ron frowned. “At the rate she's growing she'll be as unattractive as Eloise Midgen by graduation.”

Harry shot Ron a dirty look. “Hermione is far from ugly.”

Ron only had time to raise a skeptical eyebrow before they entered the Great Hall and Ron rushed to their usual spot to tuck in. A few minutes later, Hermione joined them and filled her plate just about as heaping as Ron's was, but with healthier foods.

Ron eyed her plate in disbelief as Hermione tucked in. “Are you trying to catch Millicent Bulstrode by graduation?” he asked, causing Harry's anger to flare up, while he internally cringed in anticipation of the Hermione firestorm to come.

Hermione slammed her fork on her plate and stood up and screamed at the top of her voice, “I'M NOT FAT, I'M PREGNANT!!!”

The Great Hall went so silent you could hear a pin drop.

Harry paled as his thoughts drifted back to Halloween, the night he'd defeated Voldemort. How he hadn't been in the mood to party afterwards, so he'd snuck off to the Room of Requirement. Hermione found him there, and after that the details were a bit fuzzy—other than the fact that the end result was that they'd shagged in relief that it was all over. They hadn't discussed that night in unspoken agreement, but it looked like they'd have to now.

Ron's face turned as red as his hair. “I'll kill the bastard,” he muttered darkly.

Hermione glanced at Harry, then ran out of the Great Hall after hitting Ron with another Itching Hex. Harry hit Ron with a Tickling Charm as Ginny hit Ron with a Bat Bogey Curse, then took off after Hermione, knowing he and Hermione would have to deal with the rest of the school later.

Harry knew she would head for the Room of Requirement, as they'd regularly retreated there recently after Ron had been particularly insensitive about her weight, but he stayed behind her so she could set up the room how she wanted it for the important talk they needed to have. He was sure she knew he was following her so they could talk about it.

By the time they reached the 7th floor, Harry was only a couple of steps behind Hermione. Harry stopped short as Hermione paced in front of the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy, while he regarded her with a tenderness that he'd never looked at her with before.

The door appeared and Harry and Hermione quickly stepped inside. The room was small and cozy with a couch big enough for two in front of a roaring fire.

Hermione glanced at Harry with tears in her eyes before slowly walking over to the couch and sitting down. Harry stood at the door a moment, then pulled it shut and slowly walked over to the couch and sat down next to her.

Hermione looked down at her hands as she wrung them nervously. “I didn't mean for you to find out like this,” she said in a whisper.

Harry took her hands in his. “How long have you known?” he asked softly.

“Since that night at the Burrow when Mrs. Weasley took me into the kitchen.”

Harry stared at her in disbelief. “You've known for a month and you hadn't told me?” he asked with an edge to his voice. “When were you going to tell me?”

Hermione shot Harry a glare. “I wanted it to be a Valentine's present for you,” she snapped.

Harry squeezed her hands gently. “I'm sorry I got irritated,” he apologized. “That was a sweet idea.”

Hermione smiled at him before looking back down at her hands. “I suppose I should explain everything now,” she said softly.

Harry nodded. “I know when it happened obviously,” he answered, “but it might help if you explain what went on in the kitchen that night at the Burrow.”

“When I hexed Ron like I did, Mrs. Weasley started to suspect I was pregnant. She told me that Ron had complained as soon as he got in the door when he got home at the start of holidays. After we went into the kitchen, she asked me if you and I had shagged. When I admitted that we had, she did the charm to verify that I was pregnant,” Hermione explained.

“Wait a minute,” Harry interrupted. “Why did she suspect me instead of Ron?”

Hermione shot Harry a sheepish grin. “I asked her that after everybody went to bed that night, and we ended up chatting for two hours,” she admitted. “Mrs. Weasley explained that purebloods are taught before they go to Hogwarts not to shag before marriage. There's a natural magic involved when a witch loses her virginity that ensures she conceives, no matter where in her cycle she is.”

“I remember reading in our Charms text that there is no such thing as a Contraceptive Charm,” Harry said. “But what about muggle ways of preventing pregnancy?”

Hermione shook her head. “They wouldn't be thought of by most witches or wizards, and even for the muggleborns that might think of them, it wouldn't prevent conception.”

Harry's mouth dropped open. “Wow! I knew that the magical world was behind the times, but that seems a bit ridiculous.”

Hermione shrugged. “It dates back as long as anyone can remember,” she said. “Back when the founders of Hogwarts lived even witches and wizards didn't live more than 100 years, and there were far fewer of them, so it was a good thing that witches were so fertile. They could have large families to offset the higher death rate for infants back then.”

Harry blushed at the thought of having more kids with Hermione, then suddenly a thought hit him. “Wait a minute,” he mused out loud. “If witches are so fertile, then why aren't their more large magical families like the Weasleys?”

“Because after the first time, a witch's fertility rate goes back to normal,” Hermione replied. “Though, I did read that a witch's window for getting pregnant each month is longer than a muggle woman's.”

Harry smirked at her. “Did you read that before or after finding out that you're pregnant?”

Hermione blushed and smiled guiltily. “After,” she admitted.

“Why did Mrs. Weasley say she was going to have a word with Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey?” Harry asked suddenly.

“Because she was outraged at the fact that even with as much as I know that I didn't know about the guaranteed conception the first time a witch shags,” Hermione explained. “So she wanted to talk to them about having a class for all muggleborns to explain things like that.”

Harry looked down at his lap and wrung his hands nervously. “So what should we do now?” he stammered out.

“That's up to you, Harry,” Hermione said firmly, “and how much of a role you want to play in our child's life.”

An uneasy grin spread across Harry's face. “I definitely want to be actively involved in our child's life, Hermione. You of all people should know how much family means to me. What I mean is what are we going to do about us?”

Hermione blushed. “I know how I feel, Harry,” she said softly. “Tell me how you feel.”

Harry took Hermione's hands in his. “I love you, Hermione,” he said in a near whisper. “It's what allowed me to defeat Voldemort. I've been so afraid to tell you because I was scared that you didn't feel the same way.”

Hermione squeezed his hands. “I love you too, Harry,” she whispered back. “That's why I gave myself to you completely on Halloween in here.”

Harry squeezed her hands back. “I want to marry you after graduation if you'll have me.” Hermione gave Harry a huge hug that knocked him down against the armrest behind him. “Of course I'll marry you!” Hermione squealed in delight.

Harry wrapped his arms around her and held her loosely. “Between you, me, and Ginny, we may have put Ron in the Hospital Wing this time,” he said.

Hermione giggled. “He may be our friend, but he deserved it,” she replied. “I heard you use a Tickling Charm on Ron, but what did Ginny do?”

Harry grinned evilly. “She followed up on her promise from that night at the Burrow and used her Bat Bogey Curse on him.”

Hermione's eyes widened and Harry could tell she was trying to picture that combination in her mind. “Hopefully he'll think twice before trying to kill you,” she said softly.

Harry suddenly paled. “I don't think he'll have to worry about doing it, because your mum and dad will do it for him,” he said anxiously.

Hermione frowned at him. “Don't be ridiculous. Mum and dad love you and want to get to know you better. They've been trying to get me to have you over during summer holidays for a couple of years now.”

Harry raised a skeptical eyebrow. “That was before they found out that I got their only daughter pregnant before I marry her.”

Hermione blushed. “They don't know I'm pregnant yet,” she whispered. “I wanted to wait and tell them in person. And I wanted to tell you first, so you can come with me and we can tell them together.

Harry's eyes widened in panic. “Do I have to?” he asked nervously.

Hermione glared at him. “Do you want to be with me or not?” she snapped.

“Of course I do,” Harry whispered in her ear as he pulled her into another hug. “I'm just scared of your dad. From what I've seen, he looks like a rather tough guy for a dentist.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “That's only because dad was in the RAF for a while after he finished school and still works out almost every day,” she explained. “But he's really a big teddy bear as long as you're respectful.”

“Will he think getting his only child pregnant out of wedlock is being respectful?” Harry asked nervously.

Hermione leaned her forehead against Harry's. “He and mum both know I've loved you for a while now,” she sighed. “They may not be happy about it, but they'll support us, especially after we tell them that we plan to get married.”

Harry half-smiled. “Alright,” he sighed in relief. “But before we go to your parents', I want to go to my vault in Gringotts that has the stuff I inherited from my mum and dad so I can get my mum's engagement ring for you to wear.”

Hermione beamed up at him, then rested her head against his chest and drifted off to sleep.

*****

The next morning, Harry and Hermione walked down to the Great Hall hand-in-hand after spending the night in the Room of Requirement to avoid all the gossip and questions. As they approached the Great Hall, they saw Ron standing just outside the doors waiting for them. Hermione squeezed Harry's hand reassuringly as they walked up to Ron.

Ron looked down at his feet. “Merlin, this is awkward,” he muttered. A minute later, he finally looked up at Harry. “Mate, if any bloke had to go and knock up Hermione, I'm glad it was you. You two deserve each other. We've all known it for years.”

Harry half-smiled. “Does that mean you're not going to kill me after all?”

Hermione elbowed him as Ron smirked. “Yeah,” Ron replied. “I'll let her dad do that for me.”

Hermione drew her wand and pointed it at Ron, but Harry tugged her arm down. “Let it go,” he whispered. “Think of our baby.”

Hermione took a few deep breaths, then put away her wand as Ron breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry Hermione,” Ron said quickly. “I'll try to work on not getting under your skin as much.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “I'll believe that when I see it, Ronald,” she retorted.

Harry kissed her forehead. “Let's go get some breakfast.”

Ron held out his hand to stop them. “Umm…before you two go in there, there's something you might want to know. The whole school, except the Slytherins got excited about The-Boy-Who-Lived becoming a father, and somehow The Daily Prophet heard the news.

Harry rolled his eyes. “When aren't I the headline story these days?” he muttered. Then he wrapped his arm around Hermione's waist. “Let's go face the music,” he said gently as she grinned up at him.

The three of them walked into the Great Hall, determined to face the future like they had the previous seven years…together.

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