Chapter 6: Despair
Hermione walked purposefully upstairs. Crookshanks let out a soft meow, "shh Crookshanks, its ok we're going to see Harry, I'll let you out in a minute." She knew instantly which door was Harry's, as it had six locks on the outside and a cat door installed in the bottom. Hermione walked up to the door and stopped. She took a deep breath to calm herself, and then releasing her trunk quietly opened the door. Other than the street lights coming in through the window the room was completely dark. She walked inside pulling her trunk with her.
For a moment she thought the room might be empty, and then she saw a small figure hunched over sitting on the bed. She quietly put down her trunk and Crookshanks cage then closed and locked the door with a barely audible colloportus. Remembering her promise to Crookshanks she knelt and opened his door. She stood and approached Harry, he had his back to her but she could now hear him muttering something. He apparently had not noticed her enter the room or cast the locking charm on the door.
Hermione sat close beside him on the bed and he looked up, startled, suddenly realizing there was someone else in his room. He turned towards her and she inhaled sharply. Prepared as she had been for anything, Harry's eyes still sent a chill down her spine. His tortured soul was clearly visible in his bloodshot green eyes. She could see he had been staring intently into a small hand mirror he held in his left hand.
"Mione?" he croaked.
"Yes Harry I'm really here." She replied to his unasked question. She reached out and brought him into a strong hug. She hugged him as hard as she could, trying to surround him and protect him from himself. He was stiff for a moment then collapsed entirely into her embrace. The mirror dropped onto the bed, completely forgotten as he returned her embrace.
Relaxing her hug to just holding onto him she spoke reassuringly. "You're not alone anymore. You'll never be alone again." She began rubbing his back and humming soothingly.
He mumbled something; she stopped humming and asked "What was that Harry?"
He spoke up a little more "I don't know what to do Hermione."
"There is only one thing to do Harry. Continue living, Sirius would have wanted you to." She paused then continued "You know the drill. Grow up, fall in love, get married, have some beautiful children, defeat the Dark Lord every now and then. Like it or not Harry you are the hero of the wizarding world already. I know you can't stand it but it is a part of you. You can no longer say 'I'm no hero' because you are a hero Harry. For five years now you have proven it over and over. You are my hero Harry."
"I just want to be Harry though; I don't want to be someone everyone looks at to solve their problems." Harry lamented then turning to look her in the eyes, just inches away, he continued "I'm your hero? I thought Lockhart was your hero?"
"Oh my no, not that fraud, his only accomplishment was stealing other's glory. You have actually done more to help others than most adult wizards Harry. So like it or not you are a hero and it is so much a part of who you are I don't think you could ever stop. Harry, I will always be with you to help you do what you need to do." Hermione promised very sincerely.
Harry looked away from her and out into the night before he replied to that statement. "I couldn't do any of it without you Hermione. I would be long dead if not for you, Harry Potter killed by Devils Snare in his first year at Hogwarts. I can see the Daily Prophet now." Harry sighed, relaxing again into her embrace. "I am so tired Mione, I haven't slept much in the last week, but you make it all go away."
"Well then let's get you to sleep and we will talk more later." Hermione released Harry and stood up when he took his weight off of her. "Are you hungry Harry?" Hermione suddenly asked.
"Starving actually, I haven't eaten much in the last week either." Harry picked up the hand mirror and stood up. He placed the mirror face down on his desk then turned on a small lamp on the desk. He then turned towards the door. "I guess we will have to go downstairs and get some food." Harry clearly didn't want to face that prospect.
Hermione saw how gaunt he looked in the light. She pulled out her wand, "Actually no, we can do magic now inside this house." She promptly cast a silencing charm around the room. "Now we won't be bothered by the Dursley's unless we want to be. I sealed the door earlier. What would you like to eat Harry?"
Crookshanks took that opportunity to rub up against his leg, begging for attention. Harry reached down and picked him up and sat in his desk chair. He settled Crookshanks in his lap and started petting him. "Hmmm food" Harry thought out loud.
Just then there was the sound of an owl scratching at the window.
Hermione went and pulled back the curtains. "Welcome home Hedwig. I hope you had a pleasant flight girl." Hermione welcomed Hedwig as she opened the window for her to come inside. Hedwig landed on her perch and hooting affectionately drank deeply of her water and settled down to sleep.
Hermione closed the window and curtains before she asked again. "Food Harry? What do you want to eat?"
"Umm a ham and cheese sandwich, chips and some pumpkin juice. Oh and warm pumpkin pie for desert" Harry said in a challenging tone.
"Ok well let's see about that. First a table and chairs" She quickly transfigured a pencil into a small table for two and a pair of cushions into two comfortable chairs. Then she thought a minute and twirled her wand around over the table spoke a spell very quietly, Harry couldn't catch the words to it. Suddenly the table held the exact meal Harry had just wished for.
"Wow Hermione you're amazing." Harry exclaimed getting up from the chair. He put Crookshanks on the floor and sat in one of the chairs. He immediately began eating. After a few bites he cleared his mouth and asked "Isn't conjuration a seventh year topic?"
Hermione sat down opposite him and blushing slightly said "Yes but I have been reading ahead a little."
"Will you ever stop amazing me Hermione? Not that I mind really, it's not like you bother me or anything" he finished lamely.
Hermione blushed more at the compliment. "I'm not trying to amaze you Harry. I am just trying to be ready to help you no matter what it is you need." Hermione confessed.
"Well thank you Hermione. I don't think I have ever thanked you enough, actually I don't think I have ever thanked you. How terrible of me. I am sorry Mione for not showing my appreciation for all you have done for me. I promise to make it up to you." As he spoke Harry had reached out and grasped her hands as they lay on the table. He affectionately squeezed them as he made his promise. Harry looked at her for another moment then releasing her hands went back to devouring his meal.
Harry held my hands! Harry actually reached out and took my hands! Take that Cho Chang! Hermione thought reveling in the victory over her perceived rival.
Hermione had already eaten at her parent's house so she just poured some pumpkin juice and got herself a slice of pumpkin pie. They ate in a relaxed silence that had become so familiar to them both for the last few years. When he was finally finished she stood and put everything back how it had been. She then went to her trunk and opened it up. Harry saw that it was half filled with shrunken books. She pulled out her nightgown and slippers. When she turned around she found Harry staring at her. "Turn around Harry I am going to change and get ready for bed."
Harry blushed and immediately did as he was told. "Umm you're staying here?"
"Yes Harry I am here for the rest of the summer." She replied.
"How is that possible Hermione?" He asked barely suppressing the urge to turn around and talk to her face to face.
"Dumbledore asked me to come here and help you Harry. So of course I came immediately."
"Why would he ask that?"
"Well Harry you have been through a lot lately and Dumbledore and I feel you needed someone you can trust to talk to. Dumbledore seemed to think that I was more qualified to handle this than anyone else. So here I am."
Harry almost turned around again when she said 'here I am' but again managed to restrain himself. He decided to change the topic, besides he needed this question answered. "Ron is going to be soo jealous when he hears about this you know?"
"Why is that Harry?" Hermione asked sweetly.
"Because he has had a crush on you since fourth year Yule Ball."
"Eww that's gross Harry, true he's like the brother I never had but that's as far as it goes. Ok Harry your turn now you get ready for bed."
Harry turned around at last, Hermione had her nightgown on and had taken out her hairbrush and was now working on brushing her long bushy hair. His breath caught at the sight but managed to ask in what he felt was an even tone. "What about the bathroom Hermione?"
He suddenly felt a need for a long cold shower. Very cold he admonished himself. Damn this was going to be a tough summer, just Hermione and no one else to distract him from the fact he loved her. Damn, damn he repeated to himself. Why couldn't he just admit it to her? What if she didn't feel the same? Even after her response to his question about Ron. Harry was able to admit to himself that facing his own feelings and possible rejection from the one person he could not function without was hard. Gods this was more difficult than facing Voldemort. Harry ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"Oh just a minute" she picked up her wand from Harry's desk. Turning towards the doorway she waved her wand and suddenly there was a small room occupying the corner where his door used to be. Harry went over and pulled open the door. Sure enough there was an entire bathroom in there. Hermione had quietly gone back to brushing her hair.
Harry said "Well I'll just test the facilities then" and he closed the door to the new bathroom.
While Hermione brushed her hair she turned on all the lights and looked around Harry's room. She heard Harry turn on the shower so decided she had some time to snoop around before he came out. She looked over his desk and noticed Sirius's unopened will. She read the letter from Gringotts.
Mr. H. Potter,
Per the wishes of Mr. Black we have forwarded to you his Last Will and Testament.
We would also wish you to visit us at your earliest convience.
Our Deepest Condolences for your recent loss.
Sincerely,
P.R Ripag
Gringotts Solicitor
"I wonder what that is about? Well we will deal with that later. First let's make this room more presentable shall we?" She spoke quietly to Crookshanks. Putting down her hairbrush she again took up her wand and went to work on the bed first. She transfigured the mattress, making it firmer. She transfigured the sheets into soft cotton instead of the woolen hand me downs he had. Then she conjured several fluffy pillows and a warm comforter to go over the bed. She picked a light baby blue, since it was Harry's bed after all. With that she went looking through his dresser at his clothes. She had always known he had only Dudley's hand me downs. After a minute she decided to just transform a few things. She guessed at the sizes and fixed his shirts, pants, underwear, and socks.
She then took a pair of soft boxers and a slightly overlarge t-shirt into the bathroom for him to put on. She very quietly placed them on the counter and left closing the door behind her. She then transfigured Harry's curtains so they would actually block most of the morning sunlight. She heard the shower turn off and hurried to finish her straightening of the room. She turned off all but the desk light and levitated her trunk and Crookshanks cage out of the way. Then she took up her hairbrush once again and sat on the bed brushing her long bushy brown hair.
Harry came out of the bathroom in the clothes Hermione had left for him. He stood there in the doorway seemingly stunned. He finally stammered "You are beautiful Hermione."
"Thank you Harry but, haven't you seen me dressed like this nearly every night at school?" She replied.
Harry walked across the room taking in all the changes she had made. "I will say it again Hermione, You're amazing! Thanks for the clothes I completely forgot to take anything into the bathroom with me. I like what you did out here while I was showering, I suddenly don't hate my room anymore."
Hermione blushed at his compliments and patted the bed next to her. "Come on lets get to sleep I'm sure you are very tired."
He suddenly seemed to realize something shocking. "Hermione are we sleeping in the same bed?"
"Yes Harry, don't worry you are not going to scare me away. I don't think you would get much sleep without me around so come on turn off that light and get into bed."
"But what if I accidentally touch things I shouldn't be touching?" Harry spoke quietly blushing quite red.
Hermione thought about this for a moment before replying. "Harry, look at me." When he complied with her request she continued. "I trust you not to do anything intentional and you would never do anything I didn't want you to do right?" She looked directly into his eyes as she said this, daring him to contradict her.
Harry just nodded his head yes and turned to switch off the light on the desk. His room was almost completely dark now but he certainly knew where his bed was. Hermione had lain down with her back to the wall. As Harry lay on the bed she guided him towards her. He ended up on his side facing away from her. Her right arm under his neck and her left around his upper chest. She threw the sheet and comforter over them both and told Harry. "You're safe, I'm here and I am not going to disappear, now sleep Harry."
Harry found those words very comforting. His absolute terror at sleeping in the same bed with Hermione was dissipated and he relaxed. He was finally able to enjoy the company of the one person whom he trusted without reservation. That night for the first time in nearly two years Harry slept soundly without even a hint of the usual nightmares to interrupt his rest.