Title: Escape 1/1
Author: Jori
e-mail: jori@netroenterprises.com
web: http://www.netroenterprises.com/hidingout
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Set during the summer following the events of Order of the Phoenix, Harry finds a way to escape for just a
while.
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Spoilers: Books 1-5
Author's Notes: I wrote this while I was sick and taking lots of flu medicine and deeply depressed. Yet it turned into a bit of fluff and PG rated fluff at that. Remember that as you're reading -- the author was drugged and this is fluff.
This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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Years ago, on hot summer nights, Harry would stay outside as late as he possibly could and, hiding in the Dursley's flower beds, stare up at the stars. Back then they were only a whirl of twinkling lights to him with no pattern or predestined course across the heavens, but even so they offered him an escape from the misery that was his life. Each tiny pinpoint in the sky represented countless unknown worlds with vast possibilities and he would reach out, trying to touch them only to come up empty handed. He would try again and again, hoping that one day he'd reach something.
Sitting outside The Burrow, Harry stared up into the clear night sky again though he wasn't sure why. He was granted his escape from his hellish life with the Dursleys years ago. It was hard for him to believe that only a few years ago he had no clue what any of the constellations where or what their movements meant. He had no clue how to make a star chart and he couldn't name the many moons of Jupiter (although judging by how poorly he did on the Astronomy part of his O.W.L.s, chances are he still couldn't do that.)
Only a few years ago, he had no idea that he had a Godfather named after one of these stars and that one day, he'd cost him his life. He had no clue that he was part of some damn prophecy that said he'd have to kill or be killed.
Perhaps that is what he was trying to escape from now though he knew the stars weren't going to help him, with their hidden signs of things to come and their secrets from the past. They weren't his friends.
No, the night sky no longer offered him an escape and he cast his eyes elsewhere.
He heard a burst of laughter coming from inside -- the twins had arrived earlier with their latest invention -- but he didn't feel like joining them again just yet. It was a party for his birthday and he should be in there but right now a room full of laughing people was just too much to bear.
Instead, he swatted at an insect buzzing around his ear and watched as several of the gnomes they had tossed out earlier made their way back into the garden under the cover of darkness.
"Hiding, are you?"
The sudden appearance of Hermione at his side startled him. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the squeaky back door or her walking across the lawn.
"Apparently not very well," Harry said as she sat down beside him, offering him a bottle of chilled butterbeer. He took a sip and set the bottle down, planting it firmly in the grass so it wouldn't spill. "Thanks."
Neither of them said another word for several long minutes. Even Harry could sense how uncomfortable the silence was between them but he didn't know what to tell her. He had missed her over the past few weeks as his anger slowly turned into grief but he was afraid he'd never be able to keep all his emotions in check if he started talking about it. Even though none of that mattered to Hermione, he knew if he started down that slippery slope, he might never be able to get back up. Hermione sighed and went to stand up but Harry stopped her. He wasn't sure why. He had come out here to be alone but he didn't... he just didn't know. Maybe being alone wasn't what he needed after all.
"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" she asked and out of the corner of his eye, Harry could see her staring at him intently.
"I don't know what to say," he said and it was the truth. He didn't reply to any of her letters all summer (writing an owl every day to Remus or Mrs. Weasley was more than he wanted to do as it was) and ever since she arrived at The Burrow yesterday, he had done everything he could to avoid her. With Ron, there was never a discussion about what had happened last school year. Ron was content to just let Harry be on his own if that's what he wanted. Ron didn't care if all they did was fly around on their brooms in the paddock without saying a word.
He knew it was going to be different with Hermione and he wasn't wrong. She spent a good portion of last evening trying to corner him alone somewhere but he always managed to avoid her. When he came outside a while ago, Harry figured Ron would keep her occupied at the party and he could just be alone. He was wrong.
"How about 'Hello, Hermione. How was your summer?' for a start?" she asked, picking his butterbeer up from the ground and taking a slow sip. It was a move that surprised him though he couldn't quite figure out why. She handed it back to him and he played with the condensation forming on the bottle before putting it on the other side of him.
"Hello, Hermione. How was your summer?" he asked and she smiled.
"Horrible since you wouldn't answer my letters. I tried calling on the phone. Did your uncle tell you that? He said you weren't home. Where were you? And it was long because I had to spend it away from everything I care most about. France just isn't the same anymore but after last summer, my parents insisted. I should be happy that they care so much and want to spend time with me but I would rather have been here," she said and Harry nodded once. "Now it's my turn. How has your summer been, Harry?"
In the back of his throat, he could feel the sting of forming tears and he knew better than to speak yet. His summer had been awful. His time with the Dursleys was spent in his bedroom staring up at the ceiling and wishing he could change everything. Since he came to The Burrow, the Weasleys had been nice to him but they all seemed too nice. If any of them brought up the events of last term, they got a quick 'shush' from Mrs. Weasley. The Dursleys didn't care and the Weasleys were probably worried he'd snap at any minute.
All he really wanted was to be left alone so he could cry and figure out how to change something they all said couldn't be changed.
"My summer has been fine," he lied.
"Fine?" Hermione asked sounding doubtful.
"Yes," he answered.
"You could have sent an owl to let me know that. Instead, I had to rely on Ron to tell me how you're doing and Ron isn't always the most eloquent or informational person on earth. I couldn't even get him to tell me how you two did on your O.W.L.s," Hermione said and Harry expected her to tell him she got top marks but she didn't. "Oh, Harry. I was so worried about you. Next summer, please..."
"You're not my mother," Harry mumbled and that shut Hermione up quickly. "Please, stop acting like a mother. Mrs. Weasley is bad enough."
"I wasn't aware -- I'm sorry," Hermione said. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked in place a few times, obviously thinking.
"I just don't need a mother right now," he said. It wasn't necessarily the truth but he certainly didn't need Hermione pestering him about everything. That wasn't what he needed from anyone at the moment.
"What do you need?" she asked, her voice filled with something that made his stomach flutter but he... he was so confused. "What can I do?"
"There's nothing you can do for me," he snapped and she stopped moving. Now he had hurt her feelings and she was only trying to help.
"Harry, he's gone. You can't bring him back anymore than anyone could have brought your parents back. I'm sorry that it happened. I'm sorry I didn't think it through better before we went running off to the Ministry. I should have been the one to have figured out that it was a trap. I should have known," she said and he could hear how upset she was by the way her voice squeaked.
"It's not your fault."
"And it's not yours, either, so stop beating yourself up over it," she said, reaching out to take his hand in hers. It was odd, holding her hand here in the dark, but it was also nice. No one had touched him in so long (with the exception of the hug Mrs. Weasley gave him when he arrived at The Burrow) and the feel of Hermione's warm skin against his was almost enough to bring tears up to his eyes. Simple human contact. He never really had it in his life and he never realized how much he craved it until recently. After everything went wrong so quickly with Cho, he convinced himself that it would be best to wait before he tried that again. He had too many other things to worry about to drag someone else into the middle of it. But Hermione was already in the middle of it. She had been for years. She had always been there for him.
He wrapped his fingers around hers and squeezed. She squeezed back.
"It's not just Sirius, Hermione. There are other things and I'm just not ready to talk about them yet. It's not just you, okay? I haven't told Ron, either. I just have to figure it all out for myself," he said and she nodded. Hermione leant against him and he let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders. It seemed so natural and this was so much nicer than any of those nervous moments he spent alone with Cho. He wanted to be with Cho but she didn't want to be with him. She just wanted to be with his memories of Cedric. She wanted Harry to be something he wasn't ready to be. Hermione, on the other hand, was different. Whatever he was at any given moment was fine with her.
"I can wait," she said. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be here to listen. And if I act like a mother too much, please tell me to stop. I don't want to be your mother."
"What do you want to be?" he asked, his words shaky. Her next breath came out sounding as if it had got stuck in her throat. It was a stupid thing for him to ask. He had an inkling as to how Ron felt about Hermione. He just didn't know how Hermione felt about Ron. Or about him, for that matter.
"I don't know," she said, sounding as confused as he felt. He had spent so much time lately hiding from the world and looking for an escape that any feelings he might have had for Hermione had been buried deep. She balanced him, though. When he was angry, she did her best to calm him down. When he wanted to jump into something without looking, she was usually the person who made him think of the consequences. When he didn't have a plan, she did. They just fit together.
Maybe it was the warm night or the soft glow of the moon or the fact that he had been alone for so long, but he felt this urge to kiss the girl he held in his arms. He wanted to kiss his best friend. It was quite a different feeling than the last time he felt the urge to kiss someone because this time he wasn't sure the girl wanted to kiss him back.
He leant back onto the grass, taking Hermione with him. They both stared up at the sky and Hermione pointed out several of the stars they both had learned about over the last few years. After she was done and after the long silence that followed, she rolled over onto her stomach to look at him.
"Harry, I've missed you. I don't know if you want anything beyond my friendship but I would give you anything," she said, her voice barely a whisper on a breeze.
"I don't want you to regret this. I don't want anything to happen that will make you regret being my friend," he said back. "I'm so scared that someone will get hurt."
"You couldn't possibly hurt me and I will never regret a single moment I've spent with you," she said and he could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. It was nearly impossible to swallow or to breathe and he closed his eyes, trying to make his brain catch up to everything that was going on around him. It was all just too much to take in. The sound of Hermione breathing so close to him. The sweet scent of her skin. This thing that was coming over the two of them.
He opened his eyes to find the stars still twinkling overhead and he thought about reaching out for them but reached for Hermione instead. She ended up in his arms and they shared their first kiss there under the starlight. It started out soft and sweet, her lips pressed gently against his. He didn't expect anything more until a few seconds late when he felt her mouth open to his. Their tongues touched tentatively and pulled away before hers swept fully through his mouth. He held her close, and somehow, she ended up underneath him, her fingers clutching his arms as her legs wrapped around his waist. He never imagined this... not with Hermione... and he refused to give in to the urge he had to move his hips against her. He didn't want to push this too far so soon. It was sudden enough already. When they pulled away from the kiss, her eyes were sparkling and a huge grin spread across her face.
"You really aren't bad at kissing," she said appreciatively, her hand going up to mess with his hair. "Cho is such an idiot for letting you go."
"No, she wasn't," he said before giving Hermione one quick kiss and then adding another longer one. "I think she knew who I belonged with even if I didn't."
"Then maybe she wasn't that big of an idiot after all," Hermione said and they both laughed.
"No, but she isn't you," Harry said, moving until they were side by side, looking up at the sky.
"You will tell me someday, won't you, Harry? Please don't shut yourself off from me," Hermione pleaded.
"I'll tell you. Someday," he said.
More laughter came from inside The Burrow, interrupting the still summer air. Harry sighed and so did Hermione.
"We should go inside before someone comes looking for us," she said.
"Yes, we should," he said non-committedly.
He knew she was right but he wasn't ready to give this up just yet. It was going to be hard to explain this to everybody and perhaps it would be best if they didn't even try right now. He reached out to the stars and Hermione put her hand up to his, pointing out the constellation directly overhead. Maybe he would never find an escape from everything but if Hermione stayed by his side, he didn't care.
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The End
finished September 15, 2003