Unofficial Portkey Archive

Sunset
by Jori

This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

*********

October 31, 1981
Godric's Hollow

Lily watched her son toddle around the garden behind their house, his tiny fingers picking up this and that for closer examination. It was a chilly autumn afternoon and she missed the long summer days already. Pulling her wool cloak around her, she considered going inside to get a something warmer for Harry but he didn't look bothered by the weather at all. He was quite content chasing after the cat, gleefully crying out something that sounded like 'kit kit!' but never quite catching up to his pet. The striped ginger cat made it out through the gate and Harry stood there pouting, waiting for him to come back.

Lily shivered.

Perhaps it wasn't the weather that was creating the chill in the air. Looking back at the house, she wished James would return soon. He told them to stay inside while he was gone but Harry was getting restless. She could only keep him from climbing everything for so long before she thought she was going to go mad.

"Harry, the cat will come back soon. Why don't you come over here and help Mummy clean up this mess?" Lily called and Harry called out after the cat once more, still staring out the gate. "He always comes back."

Harry didn't give up on his cat right away until Lily picked up one of his noisiest toys and clacked it together. Curious, he turned around and came towards her.

She sat on the ground in the middle of all his toys and he sat down a little too quickly, tumbling backwards before righting himself. His cheeks were rosy from the cold air, his nose was running a little and his hair was standing up in all different directions. He had just gotten his first haircut recently but no one could tell. It grew back faster than she thought possible. She reached out to him, pushing it away from his eyes and off his forehead but it wouldn't stay put.

"We'll clean up your toys and go inside and have something warm to eat. Then we will change your nappy and perhaps rest for a while?" Lily said and Harry shook his head.

"No!" he said loudly. This was his most favorite word and he liked to say it with a pout that would often make Lily give in and let him have his way. But not today. She needed him to take a nap so she could have a few minutes to think.

"Just a short rest and then when you wake, maybe we can make something fun for dinner. We'll have our very own feast," Lily said, sighing. One of the things she missed most about Hogwarts was the feasts and celebrations they had. Halloween was always a wonderful treat. The Muggles really had no idea what they were missing.

She hated living here in Godric's Hollow among the Muggles. Soon, she hoped this would all be over and she would no longer have to pretend she was something she wasn't.

"Just a little rest," she said to no one in particular. She could use some rest, too. How long had it been since she slept well? She wasn't sure. Probably back before Harry was born.

Harry repeated 'no' a few more times, twisting up his face in defiance until he was crying, upset over the prospect of having to take a nap. Lily tried to distract him by handing him a rattle but instead, with an angry wave, he sent it flying out of her hand without ever touching it. Lily looked around, hoping no one passing by had seen that.

She couldn't be certain of when she first realized she was different from her friends and her sister but she was sure it wasn't at 15 months of age. Her mother surely would have said something if she had been able to send toys flying when she was just a baby.

"Oh, Harry," she said, pulling her son onto her lap. He fussed for a bit before settling in against his mum, content for now. She handed him the toy he had just refused and this time he took it, rattling it around before putting it into his mouth. It wasn't long before he was wiggling against her, trying to get free, but she didn't let him go. His body arched against hers and holding him down was a bit like trying to keep a pixie under control.

The wind picked up, sending leaves swirling around the yard. Fascinated, the motion around him was entertaining enough to Harry that he sat still in his mother's lap. It might have been fun for her son but it sent a shiver up Lily's spine. She kissed Harry on the top of his head and pulled him closer to her. Shaking his rattle at the leaves, they stopped their dance, falling back to earth. He turned his face up to look at her, a wide grin now replacing the earlier pout. Her heart melted instantly, a loving warmth replacing the chill.

She cast a glance towards the gate, hoping to find James walking towards it even though he wouldn't be happy to find them outside without him home.

"He'll be home shortly and it will all be fine," she said, still snuggling her child. "Nothing is going to happen today. This day is too lovely for that."

***************

Lily was kneeling next to the bath, watching her son gleefully splash about. With care, she washed his hair, covering his eyes as she rinsed off the soap. His hair only cooperated when it was wet, lying flat against his head rather than sticking up in every direction. It didn't last long, though, and then it was back to normal.

When she was done, he went back to playing with the cups she had put in the water for him, filling one and emptying it out into another as if he was mixing some new potion. When his soft baby skin began to get wrinkled in the water, she pulled him out, wrapping him in a towel and carrying him to his room.

She dressed him in pajamas and tried to put him in his crib but he fussed too much, standing up and crying for her.

"Quite down, sweetums. Mummy's here," she said, lifting him from his crib and carrying him to the rocking chair.

He was getting so big yet she would never pass up a chance to rock him to sleep. Soon, peaceful moments like this would come to an end and she'd be dealing with a child who would no longer need to snuggle up to her breast in order to sleep. She intended to enjoy every last minute she could while he was still her baby.

Staring up at her, he watched her with eyes that matched her own. Lily was always amused that the rest of him would be his father all over except for that one thing. They slowly shifted from newborn slate to green and she was secretly pleased that there was something of her in him.

"You need to close those eyes and rest, my baby," she said and he tried to fight it but exhaustion began to set in quickly. She stroked the bridge of his tiny nose, right in between his eyes, and they fluttered shut. That always did the trick.

His body grew heavy in her arms and she sang to him. And for the first time ever, the notion that it would have been better had he never been born played in her thoughts. Her heart ached at the idea but what if she brought him into this world only to be murdered by the darkness rising around them?

Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine a world without her son and couldn't do it without tears welling up in her eyes. To never have seen her child smile at her when she got him from his crib in the morning or to never have felt the weight of her baby sleeping against her breast -- it was all unfathomable.

The world might be dark around them but he was her light and they would get through this together. He gave her the hope she needed.

Something clicked downstairs and Lily's eyes flew open.

"It's only me," James called up and she let out an anxious breath.

She made some hushing sounds and stood up from the rocking chair, and with a kiss, she put her sleeping son into his crib. He didn't fuss at all this time and curled up with his blanket.

Downstairs, she found James standing before the fire, looking exhausted.

"How did it go?" Lily said in a voice as soft as the moonbeams seeping through the window.

"Sirius is going to check on Peter but there is nothing to be worried about," James said, trying to not sound concerned but failing.

"Did we do the right thing?" she asked, going to his side. He pulled her into an embrace and said nothing for the longest time.

"We just have to have a little faith in our friends," he said and Lily gave him a kiss.

"Is Harry asleep?" James asked when she pulled back from him. She wasn't sure when he had slept last. The dark circles under his eyes couldn't even be hidden behind his glasses.

"He wouldn't take a nap this afternoon so I put him to bed early. I'm sure he'll be up again later," she said and watched as James closed his eyes, looking as if he wanted to do nothing more than sleep himself. "Would you like something to eat? Or would you rather get some rest?"

"I'm too tired to eat," James said, opening his eyes and staring at her. "I'd rather go to bed"

"Okay," Lily said, stepping away and turning towards the kitchen. She still had the dishes to do from the dinner she made for Harry and herself.

"With you," he said and Lily stopped. Looking at him, she realized it was the first time she had seen him smile in weeks.

***************

The house was quiet as they held on to each other. As tired as they both were, neither of them could sleep more than a few minutes at a time. Even the most gentle noise stirred Lily from her sleep and she wished Harry's crib was still in their room. It was one of those maternal beliefs that nothing could possibly happen to him if he was in sight.

"You seem more worried than usual tonight. What's wrong?" James asked, kissing the back of one of her hands. He went back to playing with her fingers, wrapping his around hers.

"It would just be so easy on a night like this. The unusual becomes the norm and no one would notice if a stranger came into town. He would fit right in," Lily said.

"He doesn't need to have the cover of darkness and unusual things to hide behind. If he sets his mind to it, he's capable of doing what he wants or having others do it for him. If something is going to happen . . ."

"Are you saying everything we've done is futile? That there is no hope because he'll get to us anyway? I refuse to believe that," Lily said, releasing his hand and sitting up.

"I don't believe that, either. You know better than anyone that I think we're going to get through this. He's going to fall from power, Lily. We aren't sure yet what it is that's going to bring him down but we'll find it. We must be getting close if he's going to such lengths to ensure that we don't," James said, pulling her back into his arms.

"As long as I live, I will never understand how people can follow him," Lily said.

"Fear. A desire for power. A belief it's the only way to keep themselves alive - or their family. They probably wonder why how we can go on so long without following him," James said.

They both fell silent, enjoying a much needed moment of quiet together. It didn't happen often now that they were parents and Lily snuggled in closer to her husband, feeling the tension slowly seep out of her body. Together, they would be fine. They had to be.

Lily was relaxed and ready to finally drift off to sleep when they heard a noise from downstairs. Not an imagined noise or a soft nighttime noise but one that was real enough to make James sit bolt upright in bed.

"What is it?" she asked, fighting to find her voice. Fear nailed her to the bed as she waited to hear the sound again. It could have been the cat coming home or maybe the wind. I had to have been something like that. It had to.

But that wouldn't explain the chill that had taken over their house. She couldn't rationalize that away.

"Shush," James said, trying hard to listen as he got off the bed and armed himself with his wand. He tossed Lily's to her and she just stared at it in her hand. "You feel it, don't you? I'm not imagining it?"

"No," she said, looking at him. Behind his glasses, his eyes were wide with fear. She didn't recall ever seeing that look on his face before and he turned his face away from her briefly. When he turned back to her, the look was replaced with his usual one of self-assured cockiness. Lily knew he was putting that on for her and she gave him a weak smile in return.

"Everything will be fine, Lily. Go get Harry and run. Okay? Can you do that? Get our baby and get him out of here. Go somewhere... anywhere. I'll find you," he said and Lily willed herself to get past the fear and move.

"Okay," she said, watching her husband take off faster than she had ever seen him move before. She herself sprinted to Harry's room and grabbed him from his crib, startling him into wakefulness. Oddly, he didn't start crying but looked at her with his big eyes and reached out a tiny hand to cling to her.

"I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before. I will always love you," she said, kissing him on the head and clutching him to her body. Would that be enough? She didn't know. It wasn't something she thought she'd ever have to rely on but now here they were.

No. It wouldn't be enough. How could it be enough in the face of unthinkable evil? Run. She had to run because she trusted that nothing else would keep her son alive. Run and hide and never come back. She turned to do just that, to flee from this place as fast as she could, but it was already too late.

***************

Lily had to make a decision. How could she make this decision now? It hurt too much to even contemplate it. Where was James? She could no longer feel his living presence in the house. No, only two living beings remained here - her son and the monster who wanted them all dead.

The decision was still there, pulling at her as if she were in the ocean and it was bound to her ankles, dragging her down further and further into the murky depths.

Stay or go?

Staying in this world as a ghost would be for eternity. There was no way out of it. Everyone she loved would eventually move on and she would still be here. Stuck here. Forever.

If she were to move on, she wouldn't get to see her son grow up. She wouldn't see him go off to school or fall in love. She wouldn't see him with his first child...

If he lived that long.

Harry wasn't crying because he didn't know any better. Instead, he looked at Voldemort with an odd curiosity. All she wanted to do was reach out and touch him one more time. Just one more time...

Instead, she watched as Voldemort pointed his wand at her precious son. She barely had time to put him in his crib before Voldemort... and now he was just sitting there, unable to escape.

Lily screamed but no one could hear her. She existed in a place all by herself now, between life and death and she couldn't stay here for long.

She fought the thing pulling at her, forcing her to choose. Lily had to know what happened to her baby. If he died, there would be no point in staying. They could move on together. If he lived -- if he survived this, she could stay.

Or she could go, knowing it worked. He would be safe and someday, they would be together again forever. He would be cared for until they could meet once more. Some things are worse than death, like living an existence between the two for all the ages.

She could be with James and one day, she'd be with Harry again.

She could see Voldemort shouting the same curse that had killed her but she couldn't hear it this time. A flash of green flew towards her son and she closed her eyes, unable to watch his death.

Let it happen quickly, Lily hoped, and let him come to me without suffering.

For a brief second she thought she heard her son calling to her and she opened her eyes, relieved that it was done and ready to take him into her arms and move on.

But he wasn't with her. Instead, Harry was sitting in his crib, looking confused but uninjured as the house began to fall apart around him. He was alive and the only mark on him was something on his forehead. Meanwhile, Voldemort was... gone?

Dare she dream that it actually worked? Could it have been that simple?

Harry turned in her direction, his eyes seemingly connecting with hers but she knew that was just in her mind. She was dead and he was very much alive.

The tug to move on had become stronger. She would join James and all the friends they had lost. But how could she leave her baby? How could she not be here for him?

She looked at the mark on his forehead, scared of what it could mean. She wanted to know what it meant before she... it was pulling so hard now and she had to go.

A voice startled her and she turned around to find James still here, reaching out to her.

"You will always be here for him, Lily. I see that you made sure of that," he said.

"I can't. I just can't leave him like this," she said, looking around the room. It was still crumbling around him and her body was... she wasn't sure. Everything was getting hazy. She squinted, fighting to see her son.

Lily felt James' hand come to rest on her shoulder and she settled back against him, happy that they could still touch one another.

"We have to go, Lily. We have to go now. Harry's going to be safe and before you know it, he'll be with us. Time and death are both mysteries, Lily, but so is love. You'll still love him when you see him again and he'll still love you," James whispered in her ear. She was crying. Not for herself or her husband and what they lost but because she knew nothing could ever replace what her baby lost tonight. No one could ever love him like she did.

"I know," she said, letting James turn her towards that place she had been fighting. She turned to take one last look at her son. He was moving further away from them, slipping into the world he still was a part of as she slipped into somewhere else.

She could barely see him smile as he reached for his blanket, content for now.

"Please be happy, Harry" she said. "Be happy and safe."

And then she moved on.

***************

The End