Prologue
The stars, thought Harry, were miraculous. Shining down upon the world, twinkling kindly and reminding them that they would always be there, protecting them. He had never appreciated that the night sky could look so beautiful, so opposite to the world he was now forced to face.
Ever since his Godfather's death, Harry had ceased to exist. He felt drained of life, unable to let go or accept his loss. Sirius had become such a father figure to him it felt as if he had lost his only parent and that half of his heart had gone with him through the Veil. Harry had believed, with an adolescent's naivety, that Sirius had an immortality of sorts and that he would always be there for Harry. But as with all things in his experience, that was not to be. Half of him wanted to move on and to stop dwelling on the blame and guilt; the other half wanted to murder Bellatrix Lestrange with such a powerful surge of hate it scared him.
At these times, he was driven to seek solitude to try to gain control of his thoughts. Right now, he was sitting against a beech tree by the lake.
Ron and Hermione were at dinner, probably wondering why he was not there. Their tremendous anxiety over him sometimes got on Harry's nerves - he would much rather prefer to be alone instead of dragging anybody else down in the gutter with him. Their anxious concern over him recently had strained Harry's nerves to the point of preferring his own company rather than inflicting his depressed mood on anyone else, especially his two best friends, the people he cared about most in the world. He would prefer them to be happy and to be their normal selves.
The cold autumn air whipped across Harry's face. He shivered slightly and hugged his knees closer to his chest. Suddenly, he had the feeling that someone was watching him; he looked around and felt despair when he saw Hermione and Ron walking towards him from the main gate. As he watched them approach, the feeling did not fade away.
The branches above him rustled slightly in the wind and Harry looked up suspiciously, but could not identify why he still felt like he was being observed.
As Ron and Hermione drew near, Harry shifted slightly to conceal himself better, hoping that he would go unnoticed, but that hope was in vain. He knew they had sought him out deliberately. Sure enough, Ron slid down next to him on his left side while Hermione sat on the other.
It was silent for a few moments while the three friends gazed out across the sparkling lake and into the heavens. Finally, Hermione spoke, "Harry, Ron and I are worried about you."
Harry responded, "I'm aware of that, Hermione... Really, I'm fine. I just need time to myself every now and then . . . you know, to think."
"We know, mate," Ron said. "But we want to help you."
"You can't do anything to help," Harry said stubbornly, absolutely refusing to include them in the anguish he felt. "Unless you can go back in time and change everything - "
"If you let us in, we can help you!" Hermione said angrily. "You've been pushing us away ever since last year! How many times do we need to remind you that we are on your side and we would do anything to help you? We have been by your side since our first year together and that isn't going to change. Remember that. You don't have to go through this by yourself."
"But - "
"No buts, Harry. You aren't the only one affected by Sirius' death!" At her words, Harry stood up angrily and walked away to stare moodily into the dark waters of the lake.
Harry knew that he wasn't the only one effected by Sirius' death, the whole Order of the Phoenix had suffered; but Harry felt that he was the one who had the full blast of it. All his life, Harry wished for a parent figure that he could count on, depend on, confide in; and when finally he received exactly what he had always wanted, fate had conspired yet again to take him away from Harry.
Harry felt Hermione and Ron's presence come up beside him. He continued to stare down into the murky water rather than face their concern. "Harry," Hermione said softly, "I'm so sorry. I know he meant so much to you. He meant a lot to Ron and me too." Harry turned his head to look at her; she looked so sincere. He just nodded solemnly.
"I never told you," Harry said after a few moments silence, wanting to change the subject, "about the prophecy." He decided if he was ever going to tell them about the prophecy, now might be the best time. Hermione's facial expression changed from puzzled to understanding almost instantaneously, while Ron's stayed confused.
"Well," He continued heavily, "after Dumbledore brought me back from the Ministry of Magic that night, he told me that the thing Voldemort was after was a prophecy made about the both of us by Trelawney. He showed me Trelawney in his Pensieve sixteen years ago when they were in the Hog's Head for a meeting about her job. He was unconvinced she was a true seer, and was about to leave, when Trelawney went into a trance and told him the prophecy.
"I cannot remember exactly what she said, but it comes down to this: the only person, that has a chance at defeating Voldemort for good was born at the end of the July, and was born to parents that defied Voldemort three times. Voldemort marked me his `equal' after hearing this because he knew I was born at the end of July and my parents must have defied him three times. There was another boy was born at the end of July to parents that defied Voldemort three times, but Voldemort chose to attack me rather than him that Halloween night and so cemented the prophecy onto me. And it also said that `I would have power the Dark Lord knows not', and `neither one of us can live while the other dies', which means I'm going to have to become either a murderer or die at Voldemort's hand."
Hermione's mouth was hanging open by the end. Ron's eyes were as wide as saucer plates. Harry looked away, staring as birds flew over the lake toward the Forbidden Forest. . He envied their freedom to fly away at that moment more than anything he could remember. "H-Harry," Hermione said shakily, "who was the other boy that was born at the end of July?"
"Neville."
"Why didn't Voldemort choose him?"
"He chose me because he thought I would be more danger to him. He saw himself in me before he even saw me - a halfblood."
"Harry, if Voldemort had chosen Neville, do you know how much your life would have changed?" asked Ron quietly after a few moments, He had been quietly trying to comprehend enormity of what Harry had just told them.
"I know," Harry muttered. "It would definitely be different and probably much better. But I'm stuck with this scar, and I'm going to have to deal. After all, when has my life ever been worth living?"
"It's worth living now, Harry," Hermione said sharply. "You mean a lot to the Wizarding World. And to us…"
Harry did not reply. They turned and silently walked back up to the castle together. Harry felt like a huge load on his chest had been lifted. As they entered the front hall, he said quietly, "Thanks." Ron and Hermione both smiled at him and remained at his side as they returned to Gryffindor Tower.