SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1
First of all, let me tell you how much posting on Portkey terrifies me. I surely wouldn't have done it if not for my wonderful... and I mean wonderful, beta Athena (dreamin_athena) , who is a grammar goddess... *bows down to Athena*... thank you!
Anywho.... Let me tell you the amusing story of how this fic got started. I'm sure at one point or another or your lifetime you received the most annoying thing possible to receive through email... yes a forward. I can't tell you how much I despise them, and I normally delete them. One day one of my friends wrote in the subject line this: 25 Things A Perfect Guy Would Do (Don't Delete This Haley!!!!! It's cute!) I decided to humor this person, and read the forward. It was a list of 25 things a perfect guy would do (hence the subject line), and was in fact very cute. I don't know why, but I saved it.
1 year later, I was cleaning out some of my old computer files, and I came across it once again.... the plot bunny began to form. So, I started writing this thing, and it turned out to be pretty long... 3 chapters in fact. First I posted it over at the Ficlets/Cookies form as I was writing it, but a few people wanted me to post it here...
This long rambling of mine is the reason why I am braving the Porkey reviews.. (I know how tough you can be) and posting this here.
The point? Be nice in your reviews, if you review at all.... ;-) .....Enjoy.
It started with the article, not just an article, but the article; there is a definite difference. Any other article in a magazine might be giggled at, seriously pondered, or even cried over, but the article changed her life drastically. And it was all Lavender's and Parvati's fault.
What unmerciful force allowed them to get a hold of a Strawberry Shake magazine?
It would have been fine if Strawberry Shake was a wizards magazine, but was it? No, of course not, it had to be a muggle magazine. This wouldn't have been a problem if they had been muggle-born, or half-muggle, or even if anyone in their dorm aside from her had some muggle blood in them, but she was the only one who knew what telephones, lockers, or remote controls were.
Curse it all.
It was because of these facts that Hermione, whether she liked it or not, was given the official title of Head Interpreter of Muggle Speech, and was chosen to tell Lavender and Parvati what muggles were talking about when they said, 'the perfect date for you and your guy is at a movie theater watching a chick-flick.'
This was why on one gloomy Sunday evening, when Lavender and Parvati came running through the portrait hole, squealing and holding the latest Strawberry Shake magazine, Hermione groaned. Ron was courteous enough to stifle his snicker, but only after Harry kicked him in the shins. Harry gave her a sympathetic smile, and leaned over to whisper, "They can smell fear you know; there's no use running."
A small smile graced her lips, but immediately disappeared when a loud shriek of "HERMY!" was heard over the chatter of the Gryffindors. She cringed, and this time Ron didn't bother to hide his laughter. Harry found her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
She almost laughed at the absurdity of this. You would think she was going to face Voldemort. How could she even think to compare the two?
This was much worse.
"Hermy!" Lavender said again, this time much to close to her, "Look! We got the new Strawberry Shake!"
"Yippee..." Her voice sounded so dull that even Lavender or Parvati had no choice to get the hint.
"What's wrong Hermy?" Parvati asked, "Have a lot of homework?"
Apparently they did
.
Hermione refrained from rolling her eyes, "Yes, tons."
"Oh," Lavender's voice was tinged with disappointment, "Then I guess you can only read one article for us."
"Darn."
Parvati frowned, "Don't worry Hermy it's a short article. You can read the rest for us later."
Hermione sighed, "Okay then. Which article do you want me to read?"
"The head liner I suppose, "Lavender looked to Parvati for support, she nodded. "That's the one we're really interested in anyway." She handed Hermione the magazine.
Hermione sighed again, and took the revoltingly pink bundle of papers. Bright red bold letters read, "The Strawberry Shake" and underneath, in smaller letters were articles in that issue.
"Which article?"
"This one." Parvati pointed to the largest print on the page aside from the title of the magazine.
"25 Things a Perfect Guy Would Do." She read aloud.
A snort came from Ron, and as she glanced over and glared at him; she noticed the small smile on Harry's face. She was about glare at him too, but he winked at her, and she couldn't help but smile back.
"It's page 34." Typical, they had the page memorized.
"Okay." She flipped to the page and began to read. "25 Things a Perfect Guy Would Do." Lavender actually let out a tiny squeal. Pathetic. "Number 1: Know how to make you smile when you feel down."
Harry gave her a sympathetic smile, and leaned over to whisper, "They can smell fear you know; there's no use running."
A small smile graced her lips.
"I'm assuming you understand that part. Number 2: Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice."
"What shampoo do you use?"
"What?"
He shrugged, "It just smells good that's all.
Why did she have to read this? There were barely any muggle terms in here!
"Number 3: Stick up for you, but still respect your independence."
"What's the matter mudblood? Going to cry?" Malfoy started laughing, but immediately halted when Harry's fist came in contact with his jaw.
He staggered backward, clutching his offended jaw, "Always standing up for your mudblood girlfriend, aren't you Potter?"
"Don't call her that!" Harry growled, and started forward again. This time however, Hermione stopped him.
She whipped out her wand, "First off Malfoy, I'm not Harry's girlfriend! Second off, I suggest you stop calling me a mudblood!"
"What are you going to do mudblood? I'm a prefect, you can't do anything to me."
With a wave of her wand, Malfoy's mouth was gone.
"Number 4: Give you the remote control during the game." Finally, a muggle term.
"What's a remote control?"
Hadn't she explained this before? "It's something that switches the show on a television. You remember what a television is right?"
They nodded.
"What kind of game are they talking about?"
"A sports game; like football or rugby."
They looked confused, but then again, what was new?
"Well, if there was a television in the wizarding world, Quidditch would be on it. So it would be like your 'guy' giving you the remote and letting you change the game to whatever you wanted, even if he really wanted to watch the Quidditch game."
Lavender snorted, "No guy would ever do that."
"We might!" Ron interrupted.
Parvati rolled her eyes, "Not true."
"Well, we might if we liked the girl enough!" Harry entered the conversation.
Parvati and Lavender smirked, "Oh we know you would Harry." Lavender batted her eyelashes at him.
Hermione scowled, "Number 5: Come up and put his arms around you."
Lavender and Parvati happily sighed in unison.
"You study too much. We're going outside."
"No, you can go outside, but I'm not."
"Yes you are." Wrapping his arms around her stomach he lifted her out of her seat.
"Harry!"
He grinned, "I'll carry you if I have to."
"Number 6: Play with your hair."
He played with one of her curly strands of hair, while she read.
"What happened to your hair?"
She blushed, "Just product I use sometimes."
Number 7: His hand always finds yours."
Harry found her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Number 8: Be cute when he wants something."
"Are you going to report me?" Harry asked her, grinning.
"Number 9: Offer you plenty of massages." She looked at Lavender and Parvati, "There's almost no muggle terms in here."
"You look tense," he said, "You should take a break."
"I have too much work Harry!"
He rubbed her shoulder momentarily, "Okay, whatever you say."
"There's some later on!"
She shook her head, " Number 10: Dance with you even if he feels like a dork."
"We're the only single people here!"
Hermione laughed, "I think Neville came alone too."
"But he's dancing, look!"
Sure enough Neville was swaying clumsily with Hannah Abott.
She laughed again, "I though you didn't like dancing."
"I don't."
"Then why are you complaining?"
"Because you like to dance."
"So?"
"So we shall dance!" He pulled her out of her seat.
"You're not serious."
"I am quite serious Miss Granger! Let us take the perilous journey to the dance floor."
She laughed.
"Number 11: Never run out of love."
"We've been friends how long?"
"6 years."
"No need to stop now!"
"But what about..."
"Forget about Ron for a second! I've never had as good as friend as you, and I'm not going to let that go just like that."
"Number 12: Will be funny, but knows when to be serious."
"Sometimes Hermione, you just need to go along with things, trust your instincts."
"Since when did you become so wise?" She sniffled.
"It shines through occasionally."
She smiled.
"Number 13: Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious."
"What'd you do? Walk through a blizzard?" He grinned.
She burst into tears, and his grin disappeared.
He wrapped his arms around her, and his voice softened, "Hey, I'm sorry. Want to tell me what happened?"
"Number 14: Be patient when it takes you forever to get ready.
She rushed down the stairs, "Sorry Harry! You could have left with Ron."
"Nah. I don't mind waiting."
She smiled, "Thanks."
"Number 15: React so cutely when you hit him but it doesn't really hurt.
"You prat!" She giggled and slapped him lightly on the arm.
"Argh!" He clutched his arm in exaggerated agony and fell to the floor.
She laughed.
"Number 16: Smile a lot." She couldn't begin to name all the examples for this one.
"Number 17: Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you."
"Why is that so perfect?" Ron broke in, " That's dumb!"
"No, it's very romantic Ronald!" Ginny broke in.
Where did she come from?
"It sounds stupid to me."
"Well obviously you aren't a perfect guy! No wonder you can't get a girlfriend!"
Ron flushed.
"Number 18: Appreciate you."
"Hermione?"
She looked up from her Potions book, "Yes?"
He sat down next to her. "I....er... well.... er... thanks."
She gave him a puzzled look, "Whatever for?"
"Everything!" He blurted out.
"Harry, what....?"
"Thanks going as far as you could with me to stop Voldemort from getting the Philosopher's Stone in our 1st year. Thanks for finding out about the Basilisk in our 2nd year. Thanks for helping me free Sirius in our 3rd year. Thanks for believing me and helping me learn the 'accio' charm in our 4th year. Thanks for risking everything and going with me to Umbridge's office and into the Department of Mysteries. Thanks for being the best friend I could ever ask for all these years. I would be dead a million times by now if you hadn't stuck by me as you have." He gave a small smile, "Thank you."
"Number 19: Help others out."
"You don't always need to be the hero Harry." She sobbed.
He squeezed her hand, "I need to help Neville, he needs me. I'll be careful."
"Number 20: Drive 5 hours to see you for 1." That was only the 2nd muggle term she had come across, she realized vaguely.
"Muggles use 'cars' to get around. They call this 'driving.'"
There was a knock at her door. "Hold on mum. I'll get it!"
"It's Christmas! Who could that be?" Her mum called back.
"I'm about to find out."
She opened the door, "Hello Hermione,"
"Harry?" It was Harry alright, his hair had flecks of snow in them, and his glasses were fogged up. "What are you doing here? How did you get here? I... what...er...?"
He chuckled, "It's Christmas Hermione! You said you hated having muggle Christmas!"
"But, how...?"
"Tonks and Lupin brought me." Looking behind Harry she saw Tonks- whose hair was spiked in red and green colors- engaged in a fierce snowball fight with Lupin.
Shaking out of her surprise, she threw her arms around him, "Thank you so much!"
He blushed, "Well, you know how I hate being alone at Hogwarts on Christmas! So you going to let us in? It's cold out here!"
Lavender and Parvati nodded.
"Number 21: Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching."
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"I can't believe we'll be 7th years next term!" She frowned, "I'm going to miss you this summer."
"I'm going to miss you too...tons...Er...." Harry's checks turned crimson as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "See you next year Hermione."
There were catcalls from Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan who were passing..
Harry only blushed further.
"Number 22: Sing even if he can't."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Seamus asked.
"Yeah!" Dean agreed, "How's that romantic?"
"Now let's all join in the Hogwarts School Song!"
There were cheers around the Great Hall.
"I'll pass thanks." Harry mumbled.
"Harry! This is our last year at Hogwarts! Don't you think you should join in?"
He blushed, "But I can't sing!"
"Well neither can I, but that isn't stopping me!
"Fine! If you sing I will."
She grinned, "Good! Ready?"
"It's the thought that they would sing if you asked them." Parvati said sounding irritated that she needed to explain this, "More boys need to read this article here at Hogwarts. They're all so clueless."
"Hey! I resent that!" Ron said.
"It's especially true about you Ronald Wealsey!"
class=Section3>
"Hey! That's low!"
"Number 23: Know what you're thinking even when you don't say it."
"You have to be kidding me." Ron said, sounding quite annoyed.
He seemed to be thinking along the same lines as she was.
"You mean..."
"No way..."
"What? What're you guys talking about?" Ron cut in to their thought process.
"But how could he have..."
"Gotten in?"
"Must have...."
"Used that passage...."
"We found earlier..."
"This is the must ridiculous article I've ever read!"
"You're not really reading it Ron, and besides, the only articles you read are Quidditch articles!"
"That's all that's worth reading!"
"Number 24: Stare at you."
"That's kinda stalker-ish." Ron imputed.
"It's sweet." Lavender replied, scowling at him..
"Do I have ink on my face or something?"
class=Section4>
"Huh?"
"You're staring."
He looked away, "Sorry... just thinking."
"How is it sweet?"
"It just is! It means he likes looking at you."
Ron shook his head.
"And finally number 25: Be a good friend."
Now it was just creepy.
Lavender and Parvati sighed together once again.
"That's so romantic." Parvati said dreamily.
"And so unrealistic!" Ron seemed to be quite intimidated by the article.
"Yeah, no boy at Hogwarts is like that!" Seamus said fearfully.
"Not one." Dean agreed.
"Sure there is." Lavender grinned wickedly, "Just ask Hermione."
Hermione, who had been looking over the article once again, snapped her head up at the mention of her name.
"But Hermione doesn't even have a boyfriend." Harry's voice surprised her.
"Not yet." Now Parvati was grinning wickedly too, at Harry.
Oh no. They were not implying what she thought they were implying. There was no way
class=Section5>
they could know what she was thinking. Was there?
"You two are completely bonkers." Ron was looking between Lavender and Parvati a mixed expression on his face.
"You can see it too Ron. Can't you?"
"Don't know what you're talking about Lavender."
"Yes you do."
"Nuh uh."
"Yes huh."
"Nuh uh."
"Well then you're just as blind as those two." She pointed at Hermione and Harry.
"Er... could you not talk about Hermione and me as if we weren't here?"
They ignored him.
"You're bonkers." Ron repeated.
"You're jealous."
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
Hermione rolled her eyes, and placed the magazine on the table. She looked over at Harry and nodded to the portrait hole. He nodded back.
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!!"
The fight between Lavender and Ron continued, and with no one noticing, Harry and Hermione slipped quietly through the portrait hole, without a word to one another.
Good, bad, terrible? Hopefully not the last two... I really do hope you liked it... next chapter out.... in a while... no rush right?
Cheers,
Haley