Shards of a Broken Warrior
Written By: Frostbite Panda
Edited By: Old Kasprel
~~~
Life works in strange ways.
Irony is its main weapon…its ploy to subdue the unsuspecting into its trap and lead them astray. One may think that life has a sense of humor.
These are the wisest words of wisdom any one can ever learn of.
Never in my life did I ever think such euphoria…such intensity would be born of such a time of hell. It almost makes me doubt it…almost. That I had to got through such a living nightmare: fights, anger, spite, bitterness, angst, sadness, loss, shouts, yells, frustration, desperation, hopelessness, sleepless nights, confusion, worry, tragedy…and yet I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm sounding corny now, I know, but…there's no other word for it….
To start from the actual beginning would be long and dry, so I'll start from the best point I can.
Harry Potter. This name spurs giggles from girls, whisperings of excitement within crowds, and points and gasps of admiration. The first thing that pops in everyone's mind is "The Boy Who Lived", the one, and the only, the famous Harry Potter.
No one-not even Ron-sees him as I do.
It's a wonder I never noticed this before. There's another thing with life. It deprives me of this wonderful, glorious gift for so long...but then gives it to me when both Harry and I need it most.
Dinner on that chilly February night was one to be remembered…for absolutely nothing.
Ron and I were sitting across from Harry at the Gryffindor table. He was pushing his peas across his plate with his fork like a stubborn child, determined to look like he was eating, either though nothing was going into his mouth. I smiled weakly at this, but it slowly faltered as I turned back to my plate, where, without knowing, I was doing the same thing. Next to me, Ron was shifting in his seat uncomfortably, throwing looks towards Harry at random times. I caught his eye….and as usual, he had no idea what I was "talking" about. We had been going out for little over a year and he's still the thickest guy I know.
"Harry?" I said almost cautiously, throwing a short reprimanding glare at Ron, who promptly went red in the face, "Y-you….Are you feeling well?"
I felt aptly stupid after that gloriously graceful statement. Ron tried to hide his perplexity, but failed miserably. I kicked him none too subtly under the table.
Harry looked up, his expression bland, almost bored…but there was a shining coat of unshed tears in his eyes…I think I knew right then and there…but I didn't want to believe it. I tired to subdue the sudden upwelling of emotions within me with some difficulty.
I looked strait back at him asking my question wordlessly. He sighed heavily, shook his head, rose to his feet, and walked out without another word or glance.
And that was it.
And that's why I'll never forget.
I stared at my plate for a while…it seemed like I sat there for an eternity staring blankly at my untouched peas and steak. I looked back at Ron, who was doing the same as me. He turned to me and gathered me in a hug. I don't know why he did it…but he just sat there and held me….while I lay limply in his embrace, too drained to react. He released me and took my shoulders, looking at me with an intensity I had never seen on him before. He looked like a man not wanting to do what he was going to do next…but still felt like it was for the best.
And it was.
"You go get him, Hermione. He needs you."
I looked at him dazed and spellbound, but some how, his simple words opened up so many unread books, it cleared my muddled mind, blew off the dust, unlocked the key…it all clicked.
I stood. I walked.
To where I didn't know. All I knew was that wherever my feet took me, it would be to Harry. To no real surprise, he was under the tree near the lake where him, Ron and I would sit to discuss important matters of saving the world, or just the simple issues of Qidditch or homework. It felt strange to see only one member of the Trio to be sitting at the base of that tree, looking calmly out onto the moon licked ripples of the lake.
I walked on with no hesitation. I stopped in front of him, not sitting down. I didn't quite know what I was doing, but I was certain that there was no need for me to do so. Harry looked up at me, showing no sign of surprise or anger that I was intruding upon his solitude, twining a blade of grass between his agile fingers slowly. Without sparing me a greeting, he spoke.
"I never knew that this would happen." He shrugged indifferently, "But then again, I think I did, I just didn't want to see it. I still wish it was gone…that it was just lurking there…beneath the surface…but I just realized it…and I couldn't hide…I couldn't pack it neatly away like I can do with so many other emotions…it was too big…too…powerful." He snorted amusedly, "It's strange that I can face the greatest sorcerer of all time almost every year, and manage to defeat him…but I can't overthrow a simple emotion…either though it isn't so simple…yet it is…." He threw the blade of grass down, "Shit happens, I guess, and a lot of it has…that's partly the reason how I found out. It just came to me. You've been through such hell…such trauma, that no person should ever have to go through, because of me. Yet, you still stand strong. . .unwavering, never faltering with one step. Even Ron has failed me…you've been there…you've gone through almost as much as me. You're the only one who understands me," He laughed softly, "It's strange that I never listened to Cho. She suggested many times that I was in love with you…I never listened. `She was just jealous,' I told myself, but what was she jealous about?" He shook his head in amazement. "When I saw you, Hermione…crying and shouting when I came out of that last battle with barely my life and a breath in my lungs…." He stood up and took my hand and placed his other on my hip as if we were preparing to dance, I did not question him. He started to sway, only just slightly. He leaned down and put his mouth to my ear, and whispered in a gentle, glorious voice.
"Come on…
Oh, my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And if I…If I'd only waited
I'd not be stuck here in this hole"
I had never heard the song before, not being up on my music culture. I had no idea if he had written it himself, or if he had heard it on some Muggle radio.
But it didn't matter…it was the most unearthly, most profound thing I had ever heard. I found myself instinctively moving my free arm to wrap around his neck and my fingers to entwine in his scruffy hair as we swayed in tune with each other. I closed my eyes at the feeling of his warm breath against my skin…his hand fitting and feeling so perfectly with mine as they caressed each other with a seemingly mind of their own. Feeling his strong arm wrapped around me, I felt as if he were protecting me from all the world with just this simple gesture.
"Come here
Oh, my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear
I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole
"But time…
Is on your side
It's on your side now
Not pushing you down
And all around
It's no cause for concern
"Come on…
Oh, my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know
I'm dead on the surface
But I'm screaming underneath
"But time…
Is on your side
It's on your side now
Not pushing down
And all around
It's no cause for concern"
I was melting. Dissolving into his embrace, I was losing myself. I didn't know where I was, just that Harry was holding me, singing the ballad to his heart to me and only me. I was diving into some crazy, inexorable void of absolute euphoria and contentedness. Love and longing embraced my entire being. I was falling into a world few ever saw. I was drowning.
"Stuck on the edge
On this ball and chain
And I'm on my way back down
Stood on the edge
Tied to a noose
Sick to the stomach"
The gentle, slow melody became stronger, as did his voice. His already passion filled voice increased ten fold as he continued to sing in my ear. I felt his hot tears his warm breath. I was lost; nothing mattered. Everything else was all a dream…
"You can say what you mean
But it won't change a sin
I'm sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge
Tied to a noose
But you came along
And you cut me loose"
I was being smothered.
"You came along and you cut me loose…"
I was losing control.
"You came along and you cut me loose…."
I hardly acknowledged that on the last line he had pulled away and now his forehead was right on mine. I opened my eyes, to find myself looking into unfathomable pools of green. He sang the last line with deliberation, and never looking away from me, a light glowing in his eyes that I had never seen…one that made me drunk with happiness.
The last note came to an end as the final barrier between us was finally breeched.
~~~
Author's Notes: This is an old relic I thought I'd upload. There's probably some errors. I wrote this last summer at 2:30 in the evening while listening to Coldplay's "Amsterdam". It's a not-so-fluffy, angsty/sweet one-shot. This will not be continued. Enjoy! Read and review!