Midnight Confession
H/Hr, one-shot, PG
This story is based on a role-play on Yahoo Messenger. I can't give enough thanks to my friend Nancy Lorenz (Nacey), who provided all of Harry's dialog and helped me immensely with a certain part of this J .
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Hermione Granger, seventh year Gryffindor, Hogwarts Head Girl, and female best friend of The Boy Who Lived, was up late studying once again. Actually it would be easier to count the nights she hadn't stayed up late studying, as those could be numbered on two hands - other than the nights she'd spent in the hospital wing in second year, of course. Hermione simply loved studying, and after six years of cajoling, she'd finally convinced Harry Potter that studying regularly - instead of waiting and cramming for examinations - might be worth his while, especially if he wanted to become an Auror after finishing Hogwarts.
Hermione loved the quiet of late evening in the common room, especially when she got to spend it with Harry. He'd been one of her best friends for more than six years, ever since he and Ron Weasley had saved her from a troll on Halloween. She cared about him tremendously and knew he cared for her very much as a friend. Yes, he was her best friend, but of course, that was all. So when she found herself looking at Harry in a different way, she tried to push it out of her mind. He's just my best friend, always has been, and I hope he always will be, she thought. For the sake of their friendship, she worked hard to keep certain thoughts out of her mind. It was a brilliant plan, as usual, until it all fell apart late one night.
On this particular evening she and Harry sat a few feet apart on the hearth rug, each claiming a segment of the large old coffee table on which they'd piled various books they were reading for their seventh-year classes. The younger Gryffindors had all gone to bed, and Ron was studying - so he said-in the library with Luna Lovegood. It was just Harry and Hermione, each lost in his or her own pile of books.
Suddenly Harry took the book he was reading and slowly turned it upside down. Hermione watched the fire cast shadows on his face as he stared pensively at whatever was in the book.
"Knut for your thoughts, Harry?" she asked.
He looked up from the book and leveled his gaze at her. "Upside down, the Dark Mark looks like a worm-infested pear."
Hermione blinked, then giggled at the comparison. "You know, you're right. I'd never looked at it upside down before." She paused and bit her lip in thought. "Worm-infested. That's a very apt analogy, Harry." She couldn't help but smile at him.
He shrugged and smiled back, for an instant looking much younger than his seventeen years, and her heart skipped a beat as she remembered the shy yet brave boy he'd been when they first met. It wasn't the first time her heart had skipped a beat lately when she thought of Harry. Must. Stop. That.
"God, that lot are screwed up," he stated, then closed the book about Voldemort and the Death Eaters and picked up another from his pile. "So, that book you gave me for Christmas, is it yielding some good stuff for the D.A.?" Of course Hermione had wanted Harry to read it himself, but as usual he trusted her to glean the most useful information from it while he read something else... or nothing at all. She didn't really mind reading it for him, though. It would give them one more thing to talk about.
"Yes," she agreed, "this was a wonderful acquisition, I must say." Frowning, she shifted in her spot and pushed a lock of hair off her forehead. "What I meant was that I'm really glad I bought it for you and it's very generous of you to share it with me... I mean, to let me read it." Just wonderful. I'm tongue-tied tonight, she thought. "And yes, it contains a lot of useful information. If you want, I'll outline it for the D.A. and we can start working on the less-complicated hexes."
Nodding, Harry got up, stretched and looked around the common room. "I need something to nibble on."
"Oh... don't go... I think I've got something in my bag," she muttered and started rummaging through her book bag.
"Do I want chocolate that's been crushed by your books?" Harry replied with a wry smile.
"Honestly, Harry, does every sweet have to be chocolate?" Hermione answered, rolling her eyes at her best
friend's obsession. "No, it's not chocolate, it's just some sweets my mum sent me with her last
letter. Very nice lollipops, in fact, from Fortnum and Mason."
"Are they real sugar? Proper real sugar and not fake sugar?" he asked warily. "And what's wrong with chocolate? I love chocolate."
Hermione rolled her eyes again and continued digging. "Yes, they're real proper sugar. Even my dentist parents send me real treats every now and then." Finished digging, she pulled out a pair of purple lollipops and unwrapped one. "This is unusual even for a Muggle lollipop. Boysenberry. It's one of my favorites. In fact I think I'll have one myself."
Harry jutted his lower lip as if trying to decide. "I have a bag of chocolate covered almonds in my
room..."
"Well... if you'd rather not try something new...they're really quite delicious..." Hermione said, surprised to find her throat tightening as she spoke.
Harry smiled at her and chuckled. "Give me one then."
"I just happen to have a second one. I wouldn't want you to have to eat one that I touched with my
fingers," she grimaced. "Unhygienic, you know."
He shrugged. "I don't care if you touch it. Thanks." As she handed the second lollipop to him, his palm touched hers and she felt a sudden spark that caught her short. Probably just static electricity, she insisted to herself. With all of the magic on top of the Scottish climate, the castle had to be bristling with it.
He gave her a cheeky look as she took her unwrapped lollipop and began licking it, her tongue sweeping back and forth and up and down around it. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the taste, then opened her eyes when she realized a loud Mmmmm had escaped her lips.
Harry lifted a brow at her and gave her a long look. "Are you enjoying yourself there, Hermione?" His lips curled at the ends in the hint of a smile she didn't quite recognize. Finally he put the lollipop in his mouth and sucked on it for a few moments.
"Wow," he declared. Apparently he liked what he'd tasted.
Eyes closed again, Hermione resume licking her own sweet. "Mmmmm, yes, I just love this flavor. It's very.... sensual," she said, blushing as she heard herself speak the last word.
She must have said something funny because Harry suddenly giggled. "Really? All right. I'm getting my chocolates." He stood up and strode out of the common room.
"Here they are," he said a few minutes later. "I can never resist Honeydukes. Hey! Open your mouth...or are you eating the lollipop still?" He sat down on the hearthrug in his previous spot.
Hermione turned toward him and took the lollipop out of her mouth. "Yes, I'm still eating it, but I'd like some chocolate too." Looking up at Harry, she saw him blink and stare as she resumed licking her lollipop.
"Uhmmmm." He tilted his head, stared at her for another moment, then looked down at his bag of chocolates. "Okay, you finish that first." Then he opened another book and pulled it up in front of his face.
"Didn't you like yours?" she asked, unconsciously swirling her tongue around her lollipop. When she looked up she saw him blushing deeply. Merlin, have I said something wrong? she wondered. Whenever I'm not blushing, he is. With her heart set on eating some Honeydukes chocolate, she finished licking her lollipop as quickly as she could. For some reason, Harry swallowed loudly.
"Harry, I'd like one of those chocolates now. Please?" she asked, edging closer to him. She opened her mouth in anticipation and looked out at him from under her eyelashes. Apparently this was the wrong thing to do as well, because he stared at her, blanched, then tossed the chocolate toward her mouth as though she were Ron trying to catch a Bertie Botts Every Flavour Bean on his tongue. Unfortunately Harry's toss missed by several inches and the chocolate bounced off her left eye.
Now his mouth dropped open - in embarrassment. "Oh shit!"
"Harry! You hit me in the eye!" Hermione sputtered, blinking hard. She frowned at him and rubbed her eye with the back of her left hand.
Looking mortified, Harry reached his right hand toward her face. "I'm sorry! I thought you wanted me to throw it in your mouth," he apologized. "Give me a look...."
He took her hand, and Hermione noticed how strong yet gentle his hand was. "Ummm...all right," was all that came out of her mouth as she leaned forward slightly. One hand cradling her face, he tilted her head slightly so he could examine her eye in the firelight.
"Blink," he requested softly, his voice almost a sigh.
She opened her eyes wide. "Oh...kay..." she sighed under her breath and blinked slowly, perhaps more slowly than she would have normally, but his face was very close to hers and she found she couldn't blink any more quickly.
Sighing with relief, Harry stroked her cheek just below her eye. "I'm sorry," he said softly. He looked away from her eye, then looked back at her and seemed to be examining her face. Suddenly he was blinking and gulping and blushing again.
"Am I... okay?" she asked. "No irreparable damage from that huge, hard chocolate?" What is the matter with me tonight, she chided herself, eyes wide as she blushed more deeply than before. "Bollocks, what am I saying! I'm sorry, Harry... I'm sounding like a complete idiot." There was nothing for it; apparently she was going to spend the rest of the evening in a perpetual blush.
Perhaps that was what caused her to throw caution to the winds.
"Lately I feel like an idiot around you most of the time," she admitted, her voice very quiet.
"Why is that?" Harry asked just as quietly, his long black eyelashes partially veiling his brilliant green eyes.
Heart racing, face tingling, Hermione tried to explain. "I.. I...honestly, listen to me, I'm stuttering, for Merlin's sake!" She laughed softly. "I don't know exactly. I just feel... different when I'm around you. Not like I used to. I mean, you're still the same Harry, aren't you? Well, not exactly the same." Her next laugh was smaller and softer still. "You're at least a foot taller than when I met you six years ago...and... and...you're much cuter than you were then... and..." She gulped.
"Uhm, thank you," Harry answered, looking confused. "Why are you crying?
Her eyes went wide as she finally felt the tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm crying? Oh bugger," she cringed, putting her face in her hands.
Harry very gently removed her hands from her face and took them in his own. "Don't be sad."
Hermione sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Harry. I'm not sad. I'm confused. I feel stupid when I'm
around you and I don't like that. I used to feel very easy and open around you and now I'm worried about what
you think of me. And I find myself looking at you." She gulped again and reflexively eyed him up and down.
"See -- I just did it again! And I shouldn't look at you that way. Because you and I are friends. Yes, I know,
best friends, but I shouldn't look at you like that and it gets me all flustered and then I prattle on like a
complete lunatic and--" She stumbled on her words and began to twirl a lock of her hair.
"But I don't mind," Harry insisted. "I sort of" - he blushed again - "I don't mind
you looking at me. I mean, that's what we do when we grow up, right? We notice that sort of thing about each other.
And uhm..." He shrugged and looked down. "I like you noticing those things about me. So don't get upset,
because you don't have to."
Hermione stared at him. "You don't mind? Because I can barely look at you anymore without blushing."
And then she did exactly that.
Harry smiled and brushed his thumb across her cheek. "It looks pretty."
She sighed, closed her eyes lightly, and felt herself falling into the softness of his touch. "Oh..." His thumb on her face was so warm and gentle, and she found herself more confused than ever. "I shouldn't tell you this," she began slowly, afraid to do anything that might mess up their friendship. "But... oh bugger... Never mind. Your friendship means more to me than anything. I'm being stupid."
She looked away, fearful of saying anything more.
"I thought you would be able to tell me anything," Harry said quietly. She turned back and saw
disappointment on his face.
Hermione bit her lip as feelings she'd tried to bury welled up inside her. "Oh Harry...dear, wonderful, lovely Harry," she said, putting her hand on his cheek as her eyes grew moist. "You're the best friend I've ever had. You're probably the best friend I'll have in my life. I don't want to do anything that would change that. I just..."
Harry looked frustrated. "You just what?"
Hermione looked away again, then swallowed hard and looked deep into his eyes. In for a penny, in for a pound, she thought. "I'm afraid my thoughts about you haven't been completely platonic lately." She traced his cheekbone with her finger. "I've had some dreams and... you've been in them." She blushed furiously, then spoke very low and fast. "AndIkeephavingthisdreamaboutkissingyou. Oh Merlin."
She grimaced then checked Harry's reaction. He lifted his eyebrows, then licked his lips and gulped. "Oh.
Right." Then he smiled at her and blinked. "Just kissing? I mean..." - and then blushed again.
The fact that he wasn't completely disgusted by the idea took her aback. "Ummm....well... that would be a start...". Trying not to blush was a hopeless cause, so she gave up trying. "You're not mad?"
"Why would I be mad?" he smiled. Why was he smiling? Hermione cocked her head and examined his
lopsided grin.
"Ummm.... well... I just thought...," she stammered, "you know, I'm your friend. Not someone you'd want to kiss... would you?" She looked up hopefully but cringed inside at the prospect of his saying no.
"I wouldn't complain," he replied. "You've got this funny idea in your head that you're completely undesirable, don't you?"
Harry's intense gaze caught her by surprise and she looked down at her skirt to avoid it. "No... not entirely undesirable. Just...not desirable enough," she finished, then rolled her eyes and bit her lip at this admission.
"That's the silliest thing I've ever heard in my life," he giggled. "You
have looked in a mirror lately, right?"
Why did he have to laugh? Was he mocking her? Hackles raised, Hermione smirked. "Yes, actually, I look in the mirror every morning. I'm not exactly Cinderella or Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. I'm just... me...My teeth aren't so big any more, but my hair is still bushy. My face isn't horrible but I'm not... well I'm not exactly Lavender Brown or Padma Patil or Mandy Brocklehurst or... or...," she grit her teeth, "Fleur Delacour, am I? I've seen how so many girls look at you, follow you around. There are so many pretty girls here, I'm still surprised you haven't hooked up with one of them."
Despite her tirade, Harry hadn't moved even a centimetre away from her. Hermione Granger, normally a young woman
of very measured responses, looked at him and felt a dam breaking inside her. "Oh bugger," she said, feeling
tired of the fight. "I shouldn't be talking like this. I shouldn't be dreaming about you. I shouldn't
want to kiss..." Her eyes went wide and she slapped one hand over her mouth in horror. Harry, however, did not
appear horrified. In fact, a long grin had spread across his face.
"Oh. My. God. I am too stupid to live," she sputtered, trying to turn away. Harry rolled his eyes and took her by the arm.
"Hermione, don't be silly."
"Harry, I am silly," she sniffled, turning back to him while another tear trickled down her cheek. "How dare I think anything like that about you. I'm just Hermione to you. Good old dependable, brainy Hermione. Who nags you about your schoolwork. Just a friend. Not someone you'd -"
Kiss. That was the word Hermione had planned to say. Before she could utter it, however, Harry's lips were on hers. He was kissing her. Harry Potter was kissing her. Her best friend was kissing her. But he wasn't kissing her like a friend; he was kissing her like he meant it. His lips were soft, but somehow they were strong, pulling and caressing hers firmly. For the first time in her life, Hermione Granger didn't know what to say.
"Mmmmm, Harry" she sighed, looking up at him, "that was... you didn't have to..."
"I know. I wanted to."
"You did?" she mumbled in confusion. He wanted to. She smiled and he leaned in toward her again. The look in his eyes made it clear he wanted to show her how much he'd liked it the first time, and Hermione's eyes went wide as Harry's lips claimed hers again. He was kissing her again, unbidden, of his own accord. He wants to kiss me, she realized, finally closing her eyes and relaxing into the kiss. Harry's kiss, as warm as sunshine, as soft as velvet, as sweet as pumpkin pie. Why hadn't she known? What else had she been missing? His kiss left her mind swirling, and she felt herself being pulled into the undertow.
"Mmmphmm," she mumbled into his lips as her hands moved up to his shoulders.
He pulled away slightly and smiled as he leaned back, regarding her carefully. "See, nothing to cry about."
Catching her breath, she smiled back. "Do I look like I'm crying now?" She placed her index finger gently on his lips. "That was very nice. Both of them. I suppose I shouldn't ask where you learned to kiss like that. Probably not from Cho, eh?" she finished with a wink.
Harry gave her a naughty smile. "No, I think it's a natural talent. Hmm...only two, eh?" and suddenly he started kissing her again. This time Hermione leaned into the kiss and kissed him back more firmly than before.
"Harry," she mumbled against his lips, a bit breathless, "you seem to like this...." and kissed back even harder. "I mean, with me..." As Harry claimed her mouth again, his lips parted and his tongue flickered against her lips. Hermione's lips softened and parted instinctually and her tongue flickered back against his. She let out a long, soft Ohhhhhhhh as her hands wrapped around his neck and played with his black hair.
Her ardor seemed to make Harry a bit dizzy and he giggled against her lips. "That's better, not so shy now, are we?" he smiled. He began to drop kisses along her jaw, prompting her to tip her head to the side so he could kiss her there more easily.
"Harry Potter, I'm completely shocked... that you," she was panting a bit now, "are doing this
with me... but don't let that stop you." She looked him in the eyes and grinned. He lifted an eyebrow in
reply.
"Why on earth should it be such a surprise?" he asked, pushing himself up onto the couch and extending his arm to invite her to sit next to him.
Taking his hand, Hermione pulled herself up and cuddled next to him, hoping she didn't look as flustered as she felt. "It's...I mean...I never thought...You could have any girl. I'm just...me."
"I don't want any girl," he said, putting an arm around her. "And everyone thinks things like that. That I could have anyone, that I could do all these things and be this famous person with entourages and stuff like that. But - it makes no difference. I'm still Harry, I still get shy and I still want the things anyone else wants."
Nestled in the crook of his arm, Hermione felt much different than she had an hour earlier. She felt happy and secure and where she wanted to be. "What do you want, Harry?" she asked. "Besides a good snog, I mean?" She smiled and blushed again, but this time she didn't mind.
"I don't know," he told her, licking his lips. "It's a bit hard to say when you've just kissed someone, you know? How about we play it by ear, see how we feel?"
Hermione stroked his jaw with one finger. "I think that's a very rational and reasonable solution." She
lifted her lips toward his and kissed him lightly, then yawned.
"Oh, look at the time," she fretted. "I could sit here and do this with you all night, but I really do need to go to bed now." She looked at him closely, hopefully, and asked what was in her heart. "You're still my best friend, I hope."
"Always," he assured her as he leaned forward and kissed her again. His lips lingered on hers and she found herself wishing she'd spoken up much sooner. "See you tomorrow."
He seemed as reluctant to let her go as she was to leave. Finally she pulled herself away from him, gathered her books and moved backward, very slowly, toward the stairway to the girls' dormitories. "Yes, same here. Goodnight, Harry. I'm glad I let that little thing slip."
Grinning broadly, she blew him a kiss. As he smiled just as broadly in return, she whispered a "thank you" to whatever impulse brought on her midnight confession.
<3 <3 <3