Harry Potter and the Infernal Plan Part I
by Jori
e-mail: Jori@netroenterprises.com
REVISED July 2003
Set during and after their sixth year at Hogwarts, Hermione asks something of Harry that will change their lives forever.
NC-17
Spoilers for all FIVE books. Most of this was originally written well before Order of the Phoenix came out but I decided to go back and do some edits. Some were very necessary while others were more cosmetic.
H/Hr story
This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
***********
For the first time since he had met her, Harry thought that Hermione actually looked sad to be returning to Hogwarts. She was always usually so happy to get back to her studies but something about her had changed. She looked as gloomy as Harry felt. After everything that had happened last year, he had found it peculiar that she didn't want to come stay at the Weasley's the last few weeks of their summer holiday. Harry missed her more than he imagined he ever would and often found himself wishing he could tell her about what he had learned at the end of the last school year. Now she looked too distracted to care.
He also found it peculiar when she was so late arriving to Platform 9 3/4 for their trip back to school. Looking at the expression on her face as she sat across from him in their compartment, he knew something was wrong.
Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes as Ron shoved more candy into his mouth and went back to staring out the window as the countryside flew by them. At least his two friends weren't bickering constantly anymore. Harry had tried asking her questions about her summer but so far, she wasn't sharing much with him.
"I thought we would at least have met up when you came to Diagon Alley to buy your supplies. When did you get your supplies, anyway?" Harry asked and Hermione just shrugged without answering. Now he was positive that something was bothering her. Hermione loved reading her new texts before the year started and he was certain she would want to discuss them at length. She hardly even mentioned her scores from her O.W.L. exams nor had she asked Harry about his.
She could have at least asked them how their holiday was but she didn't even do that. Maybe she assumed that Harry's summer holiday with the Dursley's was like all the others until the Weasley's rescued him. They all seemed to still be avoiding one particular topic and that was fine with him. He still wasn't sure he could talk about it without his voice cracking.
She just sat and sighed some more. He didn't understand girls and it didn't matter if he was dating them or not. At least with Hermione, he could usually carry on a conversation without sounding like too big of a git but he wasn't sure what to say to her.
"So, Hermione . . ." he started only to be interrupted by Ron's younger sister, Ginny storming into the compartment.
"There you are!" she said, sitting down next to Hermione and not even giving Ron or Harry a second glance. "I was upset when you decided not to come to The Burrow. You have to tell me all about him."
"Him?" Harry and Ron said at the same time, only Ron with a mouthful of chocolate and a touch more jealousy.
Before Hermione could respond to either of them, Ginny started in with a thousand questions. Somewhere in between their giggling and whispers, Harry gleaned that the boy's name was Andrew Rowntree but his friends called him Drew and he had moved to the street Hermione lived on sometime last spring. Something about that finally clicked in Ron's brain after the two girls had carried on for about five minutes.
"A Muggle boy? You're seeing a Muggle?" he asked without candy in his mouth this time. Harry couldn't help but notice that even though the chocolate was gone, the jealousy was still there.
"Of course. What else would be living on my street?" Hermione answered, giving Ron a cross look before carrying on with Ginny.
Harry just stared at Hermione, watching her eyes light up whenever she said the name Drew. It wasn't the first time he had seen his friend talk about boys. There was Viktor Krum a few years ago. Then there was the one kiss they had exchanged. Harry was certain the reasons behind it had more to do with the fact that they had just survived something unspeakable than that she had any feelings for him beyond friendship. It happened quickly, late at night after the feast he didn't bother to go to and was never mentioned again. At that time, he had too many other things on his mind to even consider that it meant anything. Besides, if it had meant something, surely someone would have said something by now. And there wouldn't be Drew.
This boyfriend wouldn't have to worry about her study habits or the secret kiss she exchanged with her best friend once when no one was looking. He would just see her during holidays and there was a good chance . . .
"He doesn't know what you are, does he? He doesn't know that you're a witch," Harry said, interrupting Ginny.
"Of course not. I mean, not yet anyway," Hermione answered.
"So, how do you plan on staying in contact with him? Surely you can't send him a letter by owl," Ron said, sounding a little too hopeful that would put an end to it. Harry had hoped that Ron was over it by now. His feelings for Hermione were never returned, leaving Harry to worry that one day it would pull his best friends apart. So far, they had much more serious forces trying to pull them apart besides an adolescent crush.
"I have it all arranged with my parents. I'll have the mail delivered to them and they can forward it on to Drew," she said, making it sound like everyone should have already known this. "And then I told him to drop off any letters at my house and my parents would take them to the post. That way he wouldn't have to spend any extra money on them."
"But won't he be expecting you to ring him up on one of those tele-things?" Ron asked, still trying to find something wrong with this whole thing.
"I told him we had no telephone privileges at my school. Besides, I'll see him again at Christmas. It's not that far off," she said, turning her attention back towards Ginny.
It was only then that Harry felt a slight twinge of jealousy. He was sure it wasn't so much that Hermione had met someone that was bothering him as it was she had someone to go home to over Christmas and now he really had nowhere to go. The way his life was going, chances are he never would.
Hermione said something to Ginny which caused both of them to giggle like schoolgirls some more. It was very out of character for Hermione and Ron just stared at her with his mouth hanging open, looking quite stunned. It was then that Harry realized that this was going to be a long year.
*************
Most everything between the three friends had nearly returned to normal once classes started. Hermione had her mind on her studies instead of Drew and that made Ron happy. Harry (having had his lifetime Quidditch ban lifted) was Gryffindor's Quidditch captain and barely had time to think about Hermione once the season began. When he did get a chance to consider it, he was just thankful that Ron stopped staring at her with this sad look on his face. And he was most grateful that Hermione and Ginny stopped giggling about the whole thing.
Harry was so involved with his studies and Quidditch that he didn't even think about the holidays until the weather reminded him that they were coming closer to the end of the term. Ron was staying with him over the holidays but he could tell by the number of letters that Hermione was sending and receiving that she had better plans than staying with her friends. She would read her letters from Drew and smile before tucking them into whatever book she was carrying that day.
Ron didn't even make fun of this habit anymore nor did he comment on the number of owls that were coming to her. Hermione would get all dreamy over some letter or bit of artwork that Drew would send but Ron did his best to ignore the whole situation. Harry just wondered what it would be like on the receiving end of a letter like that. Sixteen years and he still didn't really know. The whole thing with Cho fell apart before it could get that far.
Perhaps if he could spend all summer somewhere else besides with his aunt and uncle, he might find out but that was out of the question. Then again, he wasn't so sure he wanted to date a Muggle. Hermione didn't mind growing up with them because they were her parents and her parents loved her very much. Harry hated every minute of his life with them and wasn't sure what other Muggles would think of him.
If Harry couldn't find anyone that way, he would have to look around here with more seriousness. He gazed around the great hall and realized he didn't feel like getting to know anyone like that. Everyone knew too much about him but didn't really know him. It was if they were all on the outside looking in upon a life they could never understand.
Looking at Hermione, he realized that she was one of the few girls he knew who had always been on the inside. Too bad that she was just his friend and wouldn't want to be anything more.
"Harry, can we speak about something after potions?" she asked, interrupting his thoughts. Before he got a chance to answer, she focused on Ron. "Alone, that is."
"Er . . . of course . . . where? The library?" he asked, catching the most pained look from Ron.
"More alone than that," she said and they arranged to meet out by the lake despite the cold. Harry watched as she ran off, probably to write another letter to Drew.
"That girl has become more mental since she got a boyfriend," Ron said, his eyes following her out of the hall.
"Come on now, Ron. You know you're only saying that because she's got a boyfriend who isn't you," Harry said and although Ron denied it for the next five minutes straight, he knew that was the truth.
************
Shivering, Harry waited by the lake for Hermione. He checked his watch and realized he hadn't been waiting that long, it just felt like it. He couldn't even imagine what she wanted from him that couldn't be discussed inside, perhaps in the common room by the fire.
Finally, he saw her walking towards him, her mouth moving as if she was rehearsing what she was going to say. She moved her hands in an imploring manner and he couldn't imagine what Hermione was up to.
He knew she had seen him watching her when she put her gloved hands down and her mouth stopped moving. Instead, she stopped walking for a moment, collecting herself before she approached him.
"Hello, Harry," she said, looking around although she had to know by now they were the only two out in the cold.
"Hello," he said and then they both stood there, breath puffing white before them. "What's this about then?"
"It's about Drew," Hermione said and Harry just nodded. He should have figured as much. All Hermione discussed anymore was Drew or Arithmancy or what career she was considering that day.
"We all know about Drew. Why couldn't we discuss him in the library?" Harry asked, getting irritated at how cold his feet were.
"Because I have to ask you a favor," she said, her eyes shifting away from him. "I want to give Drew something for Christmas and . . . and I need some help."
"You need help picking out a Muggle gift? I can tell you what Dudley likes to receive . . . pretty much anything but it's usually all broken by the time I get back," Harry said and Hermione bit her bottom lip. That obviously wasn't it.
"No, I know what I want to give him for Christmas," Hermione said and Harry, puzzled, stood there shaking his head.
"Then what did you need me for?" he asked, realizing that if she didn't get to the point soon, he would no longer be able to feel the tip of his nose.
"Because . . . Harry, I want to . . . oh, blast! I want to sleep with him," she blurted out and Harry took a step back, feeling his jaw drop down at least halfway to the ground at her declaration. Why was she telling him this? Did he want to know this about his best friend? He supposed that if she were Ron, he wouldn't mind hearing this but she wasn't Ron. She was a girl. She was not just any girl. She was Hermione.
Once he could find his tongue again, he asked, "What do you need me for? I think that's something you can do without me. I'm -- I'm not even sure why you're telling me this."
"I'm telling you this because I do need your help. I've been reading up on it and --"
"You've been reading up on it? What have you been reading?" Harry asked, not finding it too hard to imagine Hermione searching through the library for books on sex and coming across 'The History of Shagging: A Young Wizard's Guide' or something very much like it. If such a book did exist, he was sure it wouldn't stay in the library for long, especially if it came with wizard pictures. Maybe Madam Pince has a special restricted area for them that Hermione managed to sneak into.
"It's a Muggle book. A novel, actually. Something my cousin had that I borrowed," Hermione said. Harry was sure she didn't exactly borrow it but that was the least of his concerns right now.
"Hermione, I still don't . . ." he started to say but she interrupted him.
"From what I understand, the first time for the woman isn't always pleasant," she said and now his eyes grew wide. When one lived in the Dursley household, one didn't learn that much about sex. One never asked questions about it, either. He was certain they told him nothing in hopes that it would prevent him from going out and reproducing more of his 'type.' Everything he did know came from television (when Dudley would let him watch) and a few hushed discussions they had at school. His most reliable information came from Ron's brothers deciding it was time for Harry to learn the facts of life.
"And?"
"I would like to get that part over with before I do it with him," she said in her usual matter-of-fact tone.
When it finally dawned on him exactly what she was getting at, his eyes grew even wider. Hermione had actually been planning this and studying up on it and she was asking him . . . maybe he was confused. Maybe he was reading her all wrong.
"And?" he asked, hoping she'd go on and clear it all up once and for all. She did, but after that the words didn't come so easily to her.
"I'd like you . . . with you. I'd like to try it out and with . . . you," she said, her hands moving quickly now as she jumbled up her words.
"Try it out? With me? Like I'm some musty old broomstick you want to take out for a test flight?" he asked and she shook her head.
"No, it's not like that at all," she said.
He felt that he needed to sit down if this conversation was going to continue. She followed him to their usual spot and sat down close to him, both of them shivering now.
"Why me?" he asked and she stared out at the lake for a long while before saying anything else.
"Aren't you at least a little bit curious about it all? About what it's like?" she asked.
"Of course I am but . . . how do you know I haven't already?" he asked, slightly offended that she didn't even stop to consider that maybe he had.
"Come on, Harry, I know you and your luck with girls. But if you don't want to, I could ask Ron," she said, and for some reason, that made his stomach flip flop. The thought of her and Ron . . . of Ron getting that. . . he didn't know what he thought of it.
"Why didn't you?" Harry asked.
"Because of Ron's feelings towards me. With you, it's different. You don't think of me like that," she said.
"I don't?" he asked.
"Of course not. If you did, then after we kissed . . ." she trailed off as he sighed. Their one kiss. A secret, something never to be mentioned though he never knew why. "You don't, do you?"
"Of course not," he said because that seemed to be what she most wanted to hear.
"Then the answer is yes?"
Something very primal and teenage rose up in him and he wanted to say yes but he stopped himself. If she cared for this Drew as much as she said she did, why would she be worried about the first time? He stared at Hermione and she must have grown uncomfortable because she looked away.
"Can I think about it? For just a day? Unless you planned on -- you weren't thinking we'd do it now?" he asked and she let out an exasperated sigh before getting up.
"Most other boys wouldn't have to think about it," she said, leaving him there at the side of the lake.
It was then that he realized maybe all those people were right. Maybe he just wasn't most other boys.
*************
He watched her across the common room, talking to Ron. They laughed at something and he felt a little pang of jealousy move through him. Maybe she was asking him now since Harry said he needed a day to think about it.
It.
Just thinking about it sent a warm tingle racing through him and he was sure he was blushing. He held up his spell book so they wouldn't be able to see his face but he could still see them over top of it. Listening carefully, Harry only relaxed when he realized that Hermione wasn't asking Ron what she had asked him.
He stared at his homework without reading a single word of it. Instead, he tried to figure out why he would care if Hermione did ask Ron or any one else for that matter. It's not like she would ever be his, not when she had the remarkable Drew to go home to. Now he wished he had listened to more of her and Ginny's discussions about this Drew person. How long did she know him at home, anyway? A few weeks? A month at the most? Not long enough, that was sure. And why was he so damn jealous of everybody else when he was the one she asked? That had to mean something, didn't it?
Instead of thinking anymore about all these feelings he had swimming through him, he tried harder to study his book. Before he knew it, the room had grown quiet as most of his house members had gone up to bed. He put the book down and found that there was only one person left there with him. Hermione was staring directly at him and he found himself blushing again. Until she suggested that they do this . . . do it . . . had he ever thought of her like that before? Yes, he supposed he had even if he would never admit it. That one kiss had certainly kept him up all night. Or maybe that was due to the fact that he had almost been killed. Again. And he had gotten Sirius killed and nearly cost all his friends their lives.
"So?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.
"Yes," he said, this time without any hesitation and her mouth dropped open a little. He fought this urge to get up and kiss her to seal the deal but that wasn't what this was about. "So, when?"
"When what?" she asked as if she had forgotten what this was all about in the first place.
"When did you want to . . ." he started to ask but she cut him off with a rather loud 'shush!'
"Do you want people to hear?" she asked, looking around the empty room. A sudden look of realization replaced the one of slight shock and she hurried over to her books and pulled out her schedule. Harry knew it well. Hermione always had everything mapped out on a schedule and it would all probably go as exactly as she had planned if he and Ron didn't go mucking things up.
Sitting down close to him, she started looking through all her notes until she came to the right page. Funny how Harry had never really noticed that her hair was so different from when they first met. It no longer constantly flew out in every direction but was often smoothed down. He reached out and touched it, expecting her to pull away. She didn't. Instead, she gave him this odd look as she brushed his hand away.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, touching her hair where his hand had just been.
"No, not at all. What do we have here?" he asked, looking at her schedule. She was still calculating something, counting off days or hours or minutes on her fingers as she mapped everything out. Finally, she came up with an answer for him.
"I think the best time, considering we're hardly ever alone, would be when everyone else is off at Hogsmeade. We'll make an excuse . . ."
"And miss an outing to Hogsmeade?" Harry asked, his voice rising in surprise. She rolled her eyes at him and made a sound of exasperation.
"Priorities, Harry. What's more important? Getting this out of the way or visiting Honeyduke's?" Hermione asked and he looked at the fire for a moment.
"You make it sound like it's going to be a dreadful chore," he said, slightly disappointed that she thought so.
"I'm sorry. I'm sure it won't be for you anyway," she said and now he looked back at her. Of course Hermione would think everything she read in some book was true and that this was going to be the most miserable thing she had ever done in her life. Why else would she go about doing it with him instead of her beloved Drew? He would be the one having all the fun while Harry got to deal with Hermione and whatever it was that she read in some book.
"So, that's the plan?" he asked, knowing that was far too simple for Hermione.
"Part of it but we can go over the rest of it later," she said, closing up her notes when he tried to take a peek at them. "Do you have any clue what you're doing?"
"Yes," he lied. Maybe it wasn't so much a lie, since he had more than a clue about the biological functions of it all but the rest of it -- whatever it was that made everybody carry on about it -- he wasn't so sure about.
"I'm certain we can figure it out," she said, yawning. "Remember, Saturday before the holidays. That will be the day. You will remember, won't you? You won't go and make any plans with Ron?"
"I'll remember," he answered.
She gathered her belongings together and said goodnight before heading towards her room. Harry sat there wondering how on earth she could think he'd ever forget that particular date.
*************
For the first time in ages, Harry's dreams didn't focus on schoolwork, Quidditch or Voldemort. No, Hermione was quite prominent in his latest dream and he woke up with a start, hoping he didn't blurt anything out in his sleep. As far as he could tell, everyone was still sleeping soundly. After tossing and turning for half an hour, he gave up on falling back to sleep and went quietly to the common room.
Sitting at the table, reading something while lazily stroking her cat, was the star of his dream. He stopped, thinking he could still sneak back into his room without her noticing. He had taken one step backwards when Crookshanks turned towards him and let out a meow. Hermione looked up at Harry and shoved whatever she was reading away quickly.
"Can't sleep?" she asked and he nodded. She wiped the back of her hand over a tired eye. "Worried about something?"
"What on earth could I possibly be worried about?" he asked, sitting down in front of the fire. In a moment, she joined him, carrying Crookshanks in her arms.
"I don't want you to feel pressured," Hermione said and Harry wanted to laugh. No, no pressure at all. A friend asked for a favor and he said yes. Nothing to it. Nothing at all.
"It's only you, Hermione. It's not like I have to face Vol-"
"What do you mean it's only me?" she interrupted.
"Isn't that how you feel? It's only me so there's nothing to be worried about. Isn't that why you asked me in the first place?" he asked and Hermione rolled her eyes at him.
"No, I asked you because you're my best friend. I trust you with my life," she said. It was funny how that didn't cause him any pressure but the other thing did. Getting through the absolute worst life had to toss at them seemed to be commonplace now. Having sex with his best friend was something else entirely.
"I just feel funny, you know, jumping straight into it and all," Harry said and Hermione took a moment to think about that before coming up with the only practical answer.
"We could try kissing again. Just to see how that turns out," she said in a voice that made it sound an awful lot like an experiment that could go wrong. Maybe that was just Hermione and it had nothing to do with him. He wondered if she said things like that to her boyfriend and what he thought of it. At least Harry had the advantage of knowing Hermione for years.
"We could," Harry said and as if on cue, Crookshanks jumped off of Hermione's lap, allowing them to move closer to each other. They fumbled with where to put their hands and finally he decided if it worked once before with her, it would work again this time. He held her one hand while the other gently pulled her face towards his. Once they finally got it, it was one of the best experiments Harry could remember being involved in.
Her lips opened under his urging, their tongues tentatively testing to see how far they could go. The answer was further than he thought and she moaned softly against his mouth. The sound coupled with the dreamlike visions still dancing around his brain fueled the fire within him and his desire grew with each passing second. Touching the fabric of her robe, he moved a hand down to one of her breasts and she didn't pull way. Instead, she pressed into his touch and another moan crossed her lips. Drawing her close, he felt Hermione pull her hand free from his grasp before placing it on his chest. She broke away from his mouth and he stared at her flushed face, wondering what she was going to do next.
She licked her lips as if she was trying to memorize what he tasted like and he leaned in, wanting to remind her with another kiss. She pushed him back gently and her fingers began fumbling through the buttons on his pajamas top. The common room had grown incredibly warm but he still shivered as she shoved his top and his robe down over his shoulders. She explored his skin with her fingertips, giggling a little when the muscles in his stomach involuntarily fluttered under her touch.
There was no way she could have missed the erection straining against the fabric of his pajamas but if she did see it, she wasn't letting on. She didn't look down or move her hand past his stomach. He wished she would because this was killing him.
"Hermione, please," he said, thinking that he sounded an awful lot like someone suffering through some excruciating form of torture. "Do you want to? Now?"
She finally looked down at his lap and quickly pulled her hand away. "But what about the plans?" she asked as if it really mattered right now. He could care less about her plans right at the moment.
"What would the difference be? A few days?" he asked, watching as she sat there shaking her head.
"It would be different," she said, turning away from him and staring into the fire. He wondered how much thought and planning she had put into this and why? He thought it was supposed to be a quick tumble to see what it's like. What difference would it make if it were now or later?
"Why?" he said. Now he sounded like some desperate teenage boy and he wasn't so sure he liked it. How did she turn him into this so quickly?
"It just would be."
"Then we'll wait," he said, trying to figure out how to escape to the boy's bathroom without her knowing why exactly.
She attempted to straighten out her hair as he pulled his shirt and robe back on. They sat there in uncomfortable silence for a minute before she kissed him goodnight and rushed up to her room, leaving behind all her books. He was tempted to look at the note she hid when he first came into the room but he didn't have the nerve. It was probably just some sappy love letter from her boyfriend. Instead, he made his way to the bathroom, hoping no one else would have to use it in the next few minutes.
*************
"Hello, Harry," Hermione said rather stiffly.
"Hello, Hermione," he said in return.
She sat down opposite him at the table in the great hall and opened a book, barely even picking at her food. He just shoved his last piece of bacon around his plate and watched her read, wondering why this was so uncomfortable. If it's uncomfortable now, he thought, just wait until after they've actually done it.
Harry caught Ron looking at the two of them and rolling his eyes. "Are you two fighting about something?"
"No," they both said at the same time. Hermione's eyes came up off the page and he thought she smiled at him just a little.
"Are you two up to something? You're acting awfully suspicious," Ron said and Harry dropped his fork with a clatter against the plate.
"No," they both said again and this time she did smile at him.
"You are, too! Let me in on it! What kind of plans are you two making?" Ron asked, assuming that they had some sort of mystery to solve or trouble to get out of. There was no way he could ever know about what was really going on.
"It has to do with . . . your . . ." Hermione started, looking imploringly at Harry.
"Your Christmas present . . . and how . . . we're going to . . ." Harry added, not knowing where to go next.
"Afford it. Or get in up into the room," Hermione finished and now Ron looked puzzled. The only one who looked more puzzled was Harry because now he was going to have to figure out what to get Ron that was expensive and hard to get into the room.
"Oh! I can't wait! Can you give me a hint?" Ron asked and Hermione gave Harry an exasperated look.
"Absolutely not," Hermione said. "We wouldn't want to spoil the surprise."
"I bet you can hardly wait until the holidays. Going back to that boyfriend of yours and all," Ron said, still sounding a little jealous over the whole deal. Harry looked down at his untouched food, realizing that inside, he was just as jealous now.
"Yes . . . I am . . . I'm . . ." Hermione started to say and Harry looked up at her. She was staring into his eyes and he could see that she wasn't as excited about it as she had been in the past. Or maybe it was all just in his imagination. "I'm really looking forwards to getting home."
Ron made a huffing sound and went back to eating his toast as Harry and Hermione continued to stare at each other over their mostly untouched meals. It wasn't too much longer until Hermione gathered up her books and left Ron and Harry at the table. Harry quickly made his excuses to Ron and dashed after her.
"What was that about?" Harry asked, catching up to Hermione in the corridor.
"What was what about? You started the story about the Christmas present. What was I supposed to say?" she asked and he just shook his head.
"Any suggestions on what we can buy him? You know this means we have to go to Hogsmeade now so you better start rearranging your plans," Harry said and Hermione looked rather discouraged at that news. It wasn't long until her face lit up, having worked through the problem.
"We'll go and tell Ron that we have to do some shopping together. Alone. If he thinks it's for him, he won't complain," Hermione said. "I'll come back here to get ready and you can pick something up for him at Zonk's or Dervish and Banges."
"Get ready?" he asked and she rolled her eyes at him. "What on earth would you have to get ready for?"
She stopped walking and he had to take a few steps back to where she was standing. Now she was pouting a little and that wasn't something Harry was used to. It was almost as if she expected him to know what she was thinking. Almost as if they were . . . boyfriend and girlfriend.
"Nothing. I don't have to get ready for anything," she said, replacing the pout quickly with her normal expression. "It's just a quick shag, isn't it? Nothing more."
"I guess so," he said, fighting back the hope that maybe it could be or should be more. "Just a quick shag between friends. Just to see what it's like."
"Yes, that's the only reason," Hermione said, looking at him intently. Harry found it quite odd that there was no mention of Drew. That was what this had been about at one time. She wanted to do it with Harry so it would be perfect for Drew. Now, something had changed. Maybe it was something more. "We're going to be late."
Harry realized he was now standing in a nearly empty hall, the rest of the students already in their classrooms. Hermione told him again that they were going to be late before she grabbed his arm, pulling him towards their destination.
***********
Somehow, Harry kept finding new reasons to meet Hermione in the common room in the middle of the night. They usually ended up kissing and fooling around on the biggest couch in front of the fire until all hours, thankful that they were never caught by any fellow housemates. No one ever said anything about Hermione staying up so late as they probably just assumed she was studying like usual. If anyone noticed that Harry was gone half the night lately, no one said a word.
On this particular night, she was resting against him, nestled between his thighs, both of their faces turned to the crackling fire. Occasionally, his hands would wander around, moving over the swell of her breasts and she didn't seem to mind. Actually, he could swear she was pressing further back into him, and he knew she had to be able to feel just how aroused she was making him. Still, she insisted they stick to her original plan.
The problem was, he was now feeling more than just a little jealous about some aspects of the plan. Especially that part of the plan that included her going home to the person she called her boyfriend. The whole situation was confusing the hell out of him. Here she was in his arms every night and would soon be in his bed, yet he knew that she still discussed Drew with Ginny. At least she was kind enough not to mention his name in front of Harry.
Maybe it was the fact that he was never this physically close to anyone in his life or at least the life he could remember. No one ever touched him in the Dursley household unless it was Dudley beating him up. There was a girl in primary school who held his hand one day but the next day she had moved onto an older boy. Too many years had gone by without this and now he craved it and not just from anyone. He craved it from Hermione and that was a problem. How long would she be willing to give this to him? She didn't need it like he did. She had others who loved her.
Hermione turned over and with one quick movement, was straddling him while leaning in for a kiss. The feel of her pressing against his body was almost enough to send him running to the bathroom for relief but he forced himself to endure this. It wasn't that much longer until he would know what she felt like everywhere and he couldn't help but smile against her lips.
"What's so funny?" she asked, breaking their kiss. Her face was flushed and he didn't know if she was aware of the movement she was making with her hips or just how very close they were.
"Nothing. Nothing and everything," he said and she sat up on him, looking puzzled. He wanted to tell her just how he felt but he held back, sure that if he said a word she would run off and not come back for more of this. There was a niggling thought in the back of his mind that he deserved better than all of this but he pushed it away. Maybe this is exactly what he deserved. At one point in his life, it would have been more than he could have ever expected.
"You're still smiling," she said and indeed he was.
"Maybe you don't realize just how good that feels," he said and she froze in place, suddenly aware of her actions. In another second, she was up and off of him and he quickly grabbed for his robe to cover up his lap.
"I'm sorry. It's just not now . . . the plans and all," she said.
"The bloody plans," he said with more than a trace of contempt for those plans apparent in his voice.
"Maybe it would be for the best if we went to bed now. Our own beds, of course. Separately," she said and he nodded in agreement. "And not meet here again until . . . you know."
That he wasn't so much in agreement on but it was only a few days now. He could wait for her and her infernal plans for a few days.
*************
Harry and Hermione walked around Hogsmeade, their expressions alternating between giddy and petrified. When anyone called their names, they jumped as if they were found guilty of doing something they shouldn't be. Harry then realized he didn't know if there were any rules at Hogwarts about what they were going to do. If they were caught, what would happen to them? Probably just a letter home to their parents (or guardians in his case) and a lecture on the consequences of their actions. He was also quite sure that Hermione would have checked up on the rules before she even suggested any of this.
And speaking of consequences, he totally forgot about one thing. This did come with consequences and he knew a little about avoiding such things but that was in the Muggle world. Harry grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her aside down one of the alleys between buildings.
"What's wrong? Have you changed your mind?" she asked, looking a little terrified at the prospect.
"Are you joking? Of course not. I was just worried about . . . you know. Some sort of . . ." he started but couldn't quite get the words out. "What I'm trying to say is I don't think you and I are ready to be raising little wizards just yet and I'm almost positive Drew wouldn't be too pleased with the idea."
It was the first time in a while that he mentioned that boy's name and he couldn't say it without a certain degree if ire in his tone. Hermione just rolled her eyes at him.
"Of course you wouldn't think of this until the last minute . . ."
"It's not quite the last minute. I'm sure there's something here at the shops . . ."
"It's taken care of, Harry. It's all part of the plan and one of the reasons we needed to wait," she said, patting him on the arm reassuringly. He wanted to ask how it was taken care of but perhaps it was just better that he didn't know. "Speaking of plans, I better be going back now. I've made it so that all of your roommates will have no desire to go into your room until later even if they come back from Hogsmeade early."
"How did you do that?" Harry asked but Hermione just smiled without answering. She had been studying an awful lot lately, even more than normal for their end of term exams. That must have been what she was working on. To him, it seemed like a great deal of effort to put into a quick shag that supposedly meant nothing.
"Did you figure out what you're getting for Ron?" she asked and Harry shook his head. "I'll have to send you something to give him if you can't think of anything in the next few minutes."
"I better go find him before he finds us," Harry said, looking down towards the street.
"I'll see you in a few minutes," she said, leaning in to give him a quick kiss. His heart was thumping so hard he found it impossible to believe she couldn't hear it. He watched as she walked away, pulling her cloak around her to keep out the cold air. In less than a minute, Ron did find him.
"How goes it, Harry," he called, looking confused.
"Er -- okay," Harry said, not able to focus much on anything other than Hermione.
"I saw Hermione leaving. Was she taking my present back to Hogwarts?" Ron asked, sounding hopeful.
"Something like that," Harry said, walking towards the street with Ron following him. "You best stay out of the room until we get it put away."
"Oh, I'm not ready to go back yet. None of us are. Seamus and Dean are waiting for us at The Three Broomsticks if you would like to come," Ron said and Harry tried to focus on what he just asked but found he couldn't. "Is there something wrong? Something I should know about?"
"No," Harry said, shaking his head clear. "Nothing bad or anything. I better go help Hermione. She said she might need help with something."
"See you later then," Ron said, not sounding too unhappy that Harry was abandoning him. Maybe Hermione took care of that, too.
"Yes, see you later," Harry said, racing away from him and back towards Hogwarts, any thought of a present for Ron long forgotten.
*************
He found her sitting on the edge of his bed, legs crossed at her ankles, and suddenly she looked a lot younger than her sixteen years. Suddenly, he felt a lot younger than his sixteen years. He was out of breath from rushing back to the castle and the sight of her sitting there waiting for him just added to his breathlessness. She smiled nervously and patted the bed next to her, inviting him over.
Dropping his cloak as he walked closer, he couldn't help but to stare at her face. Her cheeks were still rosy from the cold but was that lipstick she was wearing? Her lips were definitely more glossy than usual and were a soft shade of pink that suited her. Like candy floss that Dudley would bring home from his trips to the amusement park.
"You look nice," he said, knowing he had to say something even though his tongue seemed to be jammed up in his mouth. She smoothed her hand over her hair and smiled nervously at him. She had changed out of her school cloak and was wearing a skirt and a jumper that clung nicely to her curves.
"I see you spent a lot of time on Ron's present," she said and he smiled back at her.
"I . . . couldn't wait another minute."
"So . . ." she said.
"So . . ." he said.
"This seemed so much easier out in the common room when there wasn't a plan," she said, sounding disappointed that all her planning and reading up on everything might be spoiling everything.
"Just relax," he said, more to himself than to her. "I mean, it's just me."
"Right. Just you," she said, putting a hand out to touch his cheek. Her eyes grew softer as her hand brushed down and across his lips. "Just Harry Potter."
He didn't know what she meant by that and he didn't feel like asking now. What he really wanted to do was kiss her. He put his hand behind her head and drew her near, feeling her fingers slip away from his face as their mouths met. It wasn't long until it felt exactly like it did out in the common room. It was just them. Just Harry and Hermione and there was nothing to worry about.
He wanted to touch her. No, needed to touch her. Sliding his hand over her body, he tugged her jumper up. She ended the kiss to allow him to pull it over her head and he couldn't help but to stare at her breasts. Even covered by her simple white bra, they were wonderful things. One of his hands brushed across the soft swell of flesh and she put her hand on top of his, urging him on. Everything was all instinctual now and he was sure that was the only way his body was remembering to breathe.
Harry stopped long enough for them to move further on the bed as he pulled the red curtains closed around them. In doing so, he couldn't help but notice that Hermione had left her wand on his bedside table and he could only imagine what she planned on doing with it. Maybe after they were done, she would use a memory charm on him and he'd never remember it happened. He certainly hoped that wasn't her plan. Or did he?
Turning back towards Hermione, he found she had taken off her shoes and was lying on her side, watching him. Her face was flushed from more than the cold and he noticed that his hands were trembling. He was scared that he was going to mess this up so horribly that she would never speak to him again.
Moving in next to her, they stayed like that for a few minutes, gently kissing one another as his hands slid over the curve of her breasts. With her coaxing, he managed to get the clasp undone and watched as she slowly removed it. His hands were doing more than trembling. No, they were positively shaking now. He closed his eyes and willed for them to stop.
Harry only opened his eyes when he felt Hermione tugging on his clothes, trying to pull his sweater over his head. He sat up and helped, quickly getting off as much clothes as he could. He sent his shoes off the bed and they made a resounding clunk on the floor. It was only when he got down to unfastening his pants that he grew slightly embarrassed. It's only Hermione, he told himself over and over. That didn't seem to help. 'Only Hermione' was now in his bed with him and that changed everything.
"Here, let me help you with that," she said, sounding incredibly calm as her hands went to work without faltering once. When she brushed up against him, he couldn't help but to let out a soft moan and for a second, he was worried this would end before it even started. He had to bite his lip to keep that from happening. Lifting his hips up, he slid his pants off and discarded them over the edge of the bed, leaving him wearing only a sad looking pair of old boxers. She didn't seem to care.
Some primal drive took over at that point and he pulled her closer for another kiss. This time it wasn't just playful soft kisses but something so much deeper. Hermione's mouth parted under his and their tongues danced around, touching and exploring.
His hand slid down to one of her breasts and she groaned, pushing up into his touch. Not sure what she would like next, he tried to figure it out by the sounds she made against his mouth. It was going well so far. The problem still was he was now so painfully aroused he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to take it.
She stopped kissing him when his hand traveled down further, trying to figure out how to get her pleated skirt off. After a few seconds, he gave up and just hiked the thing up as she hurriedly got out of her panties. Apparently, she was as impatient as he was because she didn't even bother to remove her kneesocks.
Hermione shivered in the cold air and before they went any further, they both wriggled their way under his blankets. Harry slipped off his boxers, losing them somewhere in the sheets. They both stared at each other for a moment before she helped him move between her thighs. He fit there so perfectly that he couldn't imagine wanting to be in any other place for the rest of his life.
"Just . . . go slow, okay?" she asked, suddenly looking rather nervous about the whole thing. She was asking the impossible of him but he knew he'd have to try.
"You okay?" he asked, his erection brushing against her warm sex, needing to be inside of her more than he needed anything else on earth. The feel of her body so close to his was amazing.
"Yes," she said and he tried his best to slide into her. After a few failed attempts, she reached between their bodies and helped guide him in. But once he was there . . . wow. He had finally found something better than Quidditch. This was better than the freedom of flying and the joy of winning. This was magic like he had never experienced before.
"Okay?" he asked again and Hermione grimaced beneath him as he pushed in slowly. He felt something give way and she gasped. Somewhere in his brain, he could feel her nails digging into his back but the sensation of being held so tightly inside of her erased the pain.
"Okay," she squeaked but he could tell she wasn't. Moving her hands from his back, she was pressing up on his chest as if she wanted to push him off but couldn't quite bring herself to do it.
"Want me to stop?" he asked, not sure if he would be able to at his point. He would just have to make himself stop if she asked him to.
"No," she squeaked again. He didn't move. Just stayed right there inside of her body trying to memorize the feel of her like this. "I think for this to work, you have to move."
"Oh, yeah. Right," he said, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. It was then that he realized he was still wearing his glasses but he didn't care. At least that way, he could see so he could memorize all of this. He gently pulled out a little and then thrust back in as slowly as he could. Her legs wrapped up around his waist and with that, he could move in even deeper. She winced just a little as he continued to thrust into her and now he knew what she meant when she told him the first time wasn't always pleasant for the woman. It was certainly pleasant enough for him and he wished he could make it as good for her. That wasn't going to be up to him, though. Someone else was going to get that pleasure. With that thought, he stopped moving for a moment until Hermione urged him on again. Her hands were traveling slowly over his body as if she was also trying to memorize every detail. That pleased him in a funny way.
"Much longer?" she asked and he shook his head. Her hands moved up and pushed his now sweaty bangs away from his forehead. He wasn't too sure he liked that but certainly wasn't in any position to fix it now.
"Not much longer," he answered and pushed into her only a few more times before it was just too much. He gasped and shuddered as he reached his release, collapsing on Hermione as the waves of pleasure washed over him. Now that was definitely better than anything he had ever felt before. That was even better than his eleventh birthday and that was a hard one to top.
He propped himself up on his elbows as he tried to catch his breath. Hermione didn't look unhappy but she didn't exactly look like he felt.
"So, that's all it is? What everybody is always carrying on about so?" she asked and he was sure he wasn't supposed to be offended by that. Maybe if it had been anyone other than Hermione asking, he would have been offended.
"I'm sure it will get better for you," he said, sliding out of her body. A flood of wetness came with him, spreading across his sheets.
"Probably," she said, her fingers still playing with his damp hair.
"I'm sure it will be better with someone you love," he said, feeling his heart sink with those words.
"But . . . but I do . . . I do think so, too," she said, letting her hand fall from his face. She turned her face away from his and for a brief second, he started to regret what they had just done before he told himself not to. He knew what he was doing when he agreed to this and now was not the time to start second guessing his decisions.
He rolled off of her and watched as she opened the curtains around the bed and began gathering up her clothes. She quickly got dressed and smoothed down her skirt. He dug his shorts out of the bed and put them back on when she wasn't looking. The thick smell of sex and sweat permeated the room and he would have to open a window to clear it out as soon as she left.
"How long until everyone will want to get back into the room?" he asked, looking at his watch.
"A few hours," she said and he wished he knew why she was leaving so soon. Instead, he watched as she walked around his bed to retrieve her wand from the table.
"You aren't going to charm me into not remembering any of this?" he asked as she held her wand in her hand. "Or would you prefer it the other way? You want me to make you forget?"
Her face twisted up as she thought about what he just said. "Why would you ask that?"
"You just don't look all that happy," he said, standing up to pull on his pants.
"It's not that . . . oh, never mind," she said and before he could ask her what was the problem, she gave him a kiss. Not just a quick 'goodbye, see you later' kiss, either. This was deep and as passionate as ever and his mouth opened up under hers. Her tongue moved across his and he moaned way back in his throat. She pulled away, her eyes burning with something that was missing while they were having sex.
"I -- don't forget I have to give you money before you leave," Harry said and Hermione really twisted up her face now.
"I know you don't know a lot about women, Harry, having grown up like you did and all, but that's not the best thing to say to a girl who just got out of your bed," Hermione said and Harry smiled and shook his head.
"I meant for Ron's present," he said and now she smiled, too.
"I'm sure I'll see you again before I leave," she said, walking towards the door. "And you'll have to send Hedwig to pick it up. Whatever it is. Say around the 23rd or so? That should be plenty of time."
"Okay," he said. He wasn't ready to see her go just yet, not out of his room or home for Christmas holiday.
"Does this mean you didn't get me a Christmas gift, Harry?" Hermione asked, turning around to look at him from the door.
"Er . . . I, uh, I . . ."
"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile. "You just gave me my Christmas present."
And with that, she was gone.
**************
On the day that the train was leaving with Hermione on it, Harry didn't feel like leaving his room. He didn't want to see her off and he didn't want to see how happy she would look to be going home.
Maybe if he just stayed right here in his bed for the entire holiday, he wouldn't have to think about it. The problem was, his bed now made him think of Hermione in such a way that it actually hurt. He would love to have her back here, under him or over him or anywhere. He swore that her scent was still clinging to his sheets but he knew that was his imagination. And a tiny part of him wished that she had made him forget it all with a flick and a swish of her wand. Then he wouldn't be suffering right now.
When he realized that staying in bed wasn't an option, he got up and dressed, going down to the common room. Ron was there, staring at his chessboard.
"Hey, Harry," he said, motioning for Harry to sit down to play chess and he did. At least it would take his mind off of other things. "You missed seeing Hermione off. She waited around for you and I told her to just go on up to the room but she didn't seem to want to go in there. She told me to give this to you."
Ron handed him a sealed envelope and Harry's fingers couldn't open it fast enough. Ron gave Harry an odd look as he flung the envelope aside, his eyes racing over the words hoping for . . . he didn't know what he was hoping for. Something. Anything.
It wasn't anything. It was actually more like nothing. She let him know that she got the money he left for Ron's present even though she had no clue what to get him. She reminded him to send Hedwig to her on the 23rd and that she was sorry that she missed him today but hoped he had a pleasant holiday and a happy Christmas.
That was it. Harry folded it back up and shoved it into his pocket and plastered on a fake smile when he noticed Ron staring at him.
"Ready to play now?" Ron asked and Harry nodded, forcing himself to focus completely on the chessboard.
For the first in a long time, Harry managed to beat the pants off of Ron in wizard's chess.
*************
Harry went to the top of the West Tower, to the owlery, to wait for Hedwig's return. The large room was colder than usual and he searched long and hard for a spot clean enough to sit down upon. He threw some fresh straw on the cleanest spot he could find and sat down to wait.
He had sent Hedwig out the day before and she should be back at anytime now. He could have waited in his dormitory room for her or just let the present end up in their room the way it always had before, but he was tired of playing chess with Ron or listening to Ginny. He was also growing weary of trying to look like nothing was bothering him. He couldn't pinpoint what was bothering him the most but he was pretty certain it was the fact that he was here at school all alone except for Ron and Hermione was out there with . . . him. Someone else. He didn't even want to think about him and what he would be doing with her.
He was willing to admit that it hurt just a little that she could go to bed with him and then just run off to someone else. It hurt that he was just a trial run for her and that she never even stopped to consider that he could be more.
Harry stared up at the few owls that were still here. Most were out delivering Christmas presents or picking them up so they would be here in time. Even Ron's little owl, Pig, was out doing something.
All he sent to Hermione was a letter. He should have had a present to send to her. That was so stupid of him. He was certain that her 'boyfriend' would be giving her a present. Harry shook his head, not wanting to think about what that might be. At the least he would make her one of his silly drawings.
The only thing he wanted to think about less was what she would look like when she came back. Would she be blissfully happy? Would she carry on endlessly about it to Ginny in hushed tones and girlish giggles? Why wasn't there anyone out there who talked about him like that?
Harry's entire body had grown cold and stiff when Hedwig finally returned, swooping through one of the windows and floating down to him. She gently dropped a parcel at his side and fluttered to a stop on a nearby low perch. Harry jumped up and went to her immediately, stroking his pet and thanking her for doing such a good job. He took the letter that was on her leg and she showed her great devotion for Harry by nipping at him a few times. He expected her to fly off to one of the higher perches to get some sleep but as if she sensed that he might need her, she stayed by his side, watching him with wide amber eyes as he opened his letter from Hermione.
Dear Harry,
Hope all is well with you and Ron. Holiday has been okay so far. Hope Ron enjoys his present and have a Happy Christmas.
Hermione
That was all it said. He felt his heart sink in his chest as he sat back down on the pile of clean straw. Hedwig flew down to him and stuck out her leg, wanting to know if he was going to send a letter in return.
"No, that's all right, Hedwig. Thank you. You can go get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow for Christmas," he said, petting his owl one more time before she flapped off to the top of the roost.
He stared at the letter some more, trying to figure it out. Harry finally decided that the problem was there was nothing to figure out. She was happy where she was and knew better than to tell him. She was smart enough to know he didn't want to hear about what went on with her boyfriend while Harry was spending his holidays alone again at Hogwarts. He longed for the days when spending the holiday with only Ron seemed like the best thing in the world but now he was older and he wanted more. What he really wanted was Hermione.
Too bad she didn't want him in return.
To top it off, once she did come back for the next term, he knew nothing was ever going to be the same between them. How could it? He got a taste of something that he wanted more of but she didn't. That would be hanging over them for the rest of their time here.
He stood up, tucked his letter into the pocket of his jeans and brushed the straw off of him. Looking up to make sure that Hedwig was happily resting, he left the owlery behind.
*************
"Happy Christmas, Harry!" Ron called out gleefully as Harry woke up.
"Happy Christmas, Ron," Harry said, reaching for his glasses. He didn't sound quite as cheerful as his friend. He swore to himself that he was going to try his hardest to put all thoughts of what happened with Hermione behind him at least for the day but that wasn't as simple to do as that.
"Come on! Open your presents. Wow! Charlie even sent you something this year," Ron said and Harry sat up in his bed, looking at his pile of presents. Most of them were from the Weasley family and there was one envelope from his aunt and uncle. He didn't need to deal with their nonsense this year and he tossed it aside without looking at it.
Harry went through his few presents quickly, pulling on the sweater Mrs. Weasley made for him as she did every year. His favorite present was the book on dragons that Charlie sent from Romania. He was sure that if Hermione had sent him something, that would have been his favorite but there was nothing here from her.
Ron finally got down to unwrapping whatever it was the Hermione sent from London. His face lit up when he saw it was an assortment of all the latest Quidditch books, most of them about the Chudley Cannons. After a few minutes of examining the books, he looked up at Harry.
"You were worried about sneaking this into the room?" he asked curiously.
"Not exactly. Someday I'll have to tell you the story, just not now. It had to do with something Hermione was going to surprise her boyfriend with," Harry said, forcing himself to talk about at least that much.
"Wonder how that went considering he's no longer her boyfriend," Ron said casually as he continued to look at his books.
"What?" Harry asked, stunned by this news.
"Ginny sent Pig off to Hermione with a little present. Hermione returned Pig with a note telling Ginny all about it. Ginny just got it yesterday. I'm surprised she didn't write to you, too, considering how close you two have been lately," Ron said, thankfully not putting two and two together.
"What happened?" Harry asked, his voice squeaking a little bit with a happiness he'd never be able to explain to Ron.
"I'm not certain, really. Ginny told me it was none of my business but I'm sure it had something to do with how difficult it is to hide what she is. Could you imagine Hermione acting dumb about magic just to attract some Muggle boy? Foolish idea," Ron said and Harry shook his head in agreement.
"When did it happen?"
"If you ask me, it started to fall apart before she ever left for the holiday. Couldn't you tell something was wrong?" Ron asked. Harry shook his head again.
"Er -- no. Not really."
"The rest of us thought she was acting peculiar. Or more peculiar than Hermione usually acts. Figured it had something to do with her boyfriend," Ron said.
"I'll have to ask her when she returns," Harry muttered, fingers running through his messy hair. He wasn't sure if it was good news or bad news just yet but he was hoping for the former.
"Yes, and find out when she'll be ready to date again, will you? I think my time has finally come," Ron said and Harry had no idea what to say to his best friend about that.
*************
Hermione had been back for a few days and had yet to speak a word to Harry outside of their classrooms and a few exchanges in the great room. Actually, it appeared that she was avoiding everyone. He woke up the first Saturday of the term to discover the world was once again blanketed in white. Staring out one of the windows, he saw a small cloaked figure moving through the snow and he dressed quickly to follow her to the lake.
Harry's lungs were nearly bursting from breathing in the frigid air by the time he reached her. She was bundled up better than he was and didn't look all that uncomfortable. He didn't even take the time to put on his warmest socks.
"Hermione, are you ever going to speak to me again?" he asked and she shrugged. "Did I do something wrong?"
"It's Drew," she said and Harry came closer.
"Did he hurt you? Did something happen? If he hurt you, Hermione, I'll . . ."
"We broke up. Not that there was really anything to break up in the first place, but we did."
He tried not to smile or let on that he was happy about this in anyway but it was hard to do. He also knew that he couldn't let on right away that he already knew about any of this.
"Oh?" he asked, his voice rising just a little too high to be upset. He sat down next to her at the side of the lake and stared out over the cold black water.
"It was too complicated. He wanted to know why he couldn't ring me up on the telephone or why he couldn't come visit me on weekends. He couldn't understand why he couldn't just send me mail without having to bring it to my parents," she said, not looking that upset over the whole thing. Instead, she looked . . . disappointed.
"I'm sorry," Harry managed to say but he wasn't certain exactly how sorry he really was.
"And I couldn't tell him about what I am. I felt like I was lying all the time but what if I did tell him and it didn't go well? The Ministry would have to step in and do a memory charm and that would just be one big mess. I guess I didn't think this all out very thoroughly, did I?" Hermione asked and Harry knew that had to hurt to admit. Hermione liked nothing more than thinking and making things work the way they should.
"Some parts of your plan were great," he said and she blushed.
"I think maybe . . . I don't know. I think that maybe I liked the idea of him more than I actually liked him. It was nice to think that somewhere in my life, there was someone waiting for me," she said with a resigned sigh.
"I was waiting for you," he said so softly he wasn't sure she heard him. A little smile tugging at the corner of her mouth let him know she had.
"Or maybe I discovered I really liked the idea of you. I didn't, you know, with him," she said and it felt like she had lifted a huge weight from his chest with just those few words.
"Why not?" Harry asked and at first she just shrugged, not answering right away. "That's okay. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand."
"I didn't because things changed with you, Harry. This turned into something I could never imagine and after we . . . after that day, I couldn't. More than that, I didn't want to. Even if it hadn't ended like it did, I didn't want to with him anymore. I didn't want to with anyone but you," she said and he felt his heart pounding away.
"You don't know how happy that makes me," he said and she nodded. "I tried to write that in a letter but I felt I was being unfair."
"I was the one being unfair. I should have never asked that of you, Harry. I just thought it wouldn't make any difference in our relationship. I thought we could just keep going on as friends but I was wrong," she said.
"So, what are we?" he asked.
"A little more than friends," she said with a smile. "If that's all right with you."
"Of course it's all right with me! Why wouldn't it be?" he asked her and she took a moment to gather her thoughts.
"I never imagined that you could feel that way about me," she said and he gave her an inquisitive look.
"Why not?"
"Because you're him. You're Harry Potter," she said as if that were explanation enough. It wasn't what he wanted to hear from her at all. He stood up quickly and started to walk away from her. Before he could get far, she grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him towards her.
"I'm not Harry Potter. I mean, I am, but there are times I'm not. I thought when I was with you, I wasn't. I'm just me. I'm not *him* all the time," he said, knowing it was all very confusing but if anyone would understand, it would be Hermione. She didn't grow up hearing about the great Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived. She read about him in a book and it never seemed to matter before now what he was.
"I know that," she said, taking his hands in hers. "I was confused for a while, but I know who you are better than most people. I probably know you better than anyone else on earth."
"You do," he agreed and she pulled him back to where they were sitting, this time holding on to his gloved hands with hers.
"I was worried that others would think I wasn't good enough for you. 'Harry Potter with that Muggle-born girl,' they would all say. 'He could do so much better than that. He is Harry Potter after all.' I couldn't get that out of my mind," Hermione said.
"You know I would never feel that way. I know that everyone has certain expectations of me but they can't tell me what to do or be when it comes to you. They just can't," he said and she smiled. "I can choose my friends or my girlfriends without who I supposedly am getting in the way. Isn't that how I met you in the first place?"
"Something like that. You had no clue who you were then. I like you much better now," she said as he wrapped his arms around her shivering frame.
"But you do know who I am, too. And you know the consequences that come with being my friend. You know that too well," Harry said, smoothing down Hermione's fly away hair. "When they find out about this, they might come after you with a vengeance. It will be like that for the rest of our lifetime."
She stiffened in his arms. Maybe she had never thought of them spending their lifetime together or maybe she never considered that they might possibly come after her for this. He didn't know for sure. All he knew was that whatever it was that concerned her quickly passed and once again she was resting comfortably in his arms. Everything around him was bitterly cold except for her.
"You do realize we'll have to tell Ron," Hermione said with a heavy sigh. "And Ginny. And everyone. And what are we going to do this summer? Will I be able to see you? Once my parents know you're more than just a friend, I don't know if they would let you come and stay with us. Maybe I can lie and you can come to France with us. Would you like to see France? I don't think I could bear the thought of you spending the summer with those miserable people if I were in France."
He chuckled at her ramblings and pulled her even closer. "Hermione, can I ask you something?"
"Anything," she said.
"Did you know about this before you left? Before you and I . . ."
She looked down at the ground and he had his answer. She did and that made his heart swell. She knew that it was pretty much over with Drew but still didn't call off her plans.
"You'll have to make more plans, you know. I'm quite certain the school isn't going to give us our own room together no matter who I might be," he said and she pulled away from him, planning already.
"You and I both know most of the secret rooms and hidden entrances in the school. And this place has half a million broom closets that we could visit. And don't forget about your invisibility cloak. We could be doing it right in front of everybody and if we're quiet, they'd never know. Or the Room of Requirement. Can you imagine how much fun that could be," she said, turning to him. Her eyes were glowing with the same happiness she had when the term first began and she would discuss Drew. Actually, in Harry's opinion, she appeared even happier.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"I know the first time wasn't all that great and all. It's just that I never really had the chance to learn what to do and I'm sorry," he said, sounding genuinely apologetic for how it had gone.
"I think I have something that might help," Hermione said, her cheeks turning scarlet again.
"You do?" he asked and she fumbled around inside her cloak before pulling out a small book. Leave it to Hermione to think whatever he needed could be found in a book.
Harry looked at the cover and his eyes grew wide. "Where did you find this? And who let you buy it?" he asked, watching as the small figures moved over one another, a tangle of arms and legs.
"Don't get too excited. That's the only picture and they weren't doing *that* when I bought it. That's how I got away with it," Hermione said. Harry flipped the book open to find that she wasn't lying. The rest was all text but the words it contained held his attention and sent a shock of arousal through his body. That arousal was stirred up even more when he closed the book and examined what the people on the front were doing now.
"That's quite a picture," he said, turning the book sideways to examine it further. "We're definitely going to have to try that soon."
"How soon?" Hermione asked with a playful flash in her eyes.
He stood up and put the book away in his cloak before offering her a hand. She took it and fell into his arms, laughing. "Remember that empty classroom no one ever uses?" he asked and she nodded. "How would now fit into your plans?"
"Now would fit perfectly," she said right before they raced each other through the snow back to the castle.
**********
To Be Continued . . .