Mind Over Magic

Reviews from Portkey:

Very nifty. I've read the Heralds series, and Falconsbane is definitely a nasty fellow. Just a word, though...

Unfortunately, Mercede Lackey is not exactly a fanfic-friendly author. She keeps tight hold on her copyrights, and no fanfiction is allowed outside her fanclub, 'The Queen's Own.' Every time you write fanfiction based on her work, you're supposed to file a legal release form.

Details are here:
http://www.dragonlordsnet.com/qofanfic.htm

I'm a fan of your work as a HP fanfic author, and just wanted you to know the details before you wrote a fantastic story that you couldn't legally post on the internet.---Anonymous

My response: Thank you for the heads up, and the compliment. However, there's a whole section on ff.net based on her work and no one has done anything about that yet, so while I don't believe I'm in personal danger of being singled out and sued, I will keep it in mind.

That was great.Thought the story was stoped glad to see it back.Chapter two was not there it said that the chapter did not excest(spelling?).Thank you for this story and the time and effort that you have put in to it.Please ignore any and all flames.Enjoy your self when you write and have fun in life when you can.—destroyerdrt

My response: Yeah—I made a mistake when uploading it, and had to delete the original first chapter. I will do my best Thanks for the encouragement.

While the idea of a crossover between the Heralds of Valdemar series and Harry Potter has potential, I think you're struggling too hard to set it up. It would be far better to reveal all the differences between the magical systems over time, rather than cramming it in all at once.

Also, I noticed a rather serious glitch in your parallel timelines. You have Vanyel's confrontation with Leareth set up as being parallel to Voldemort's first reign, and Mournelithe's rise as parallel to Voldemort's return. First, there's around a five hundred year gap in the Valdemar timeline between Leareth and Mournelithe, and a maximum of fifty years for Voldemort if you count to his second rise, and only thrity if you count to his first fall. You also mention Dumbledore defeating Riddle, which is incorrect; Albus never defeated Tom. True, he decided to keep a low profile at school, but he was never actually caught. Tom graduated and went on to start his reign of terror, and didn't stop until the confrontation with Harry.

I know it sounds like I'm being really critical, but you have a good basic premise, and it desrves to be fleshed out in a manner that allows the reader to say, 'Hey, that could happen.' As it stands, you're likely to get more people going 'Huh?'


My advice is to try again, and maybe find a few betas who are famliar with Vlademar to brainstorm with. Good luck!—fenriswolf

My response: Thank you SO much for pointing those out—I've read both series multiple times, but I've always been horrible at getting history timelines straight. I will definitely go back and fix my time line. Would you like to be my beta? *grin* I am really excited about this story and agree that it does deserve the time taken to make the details line up correctly.

Interesting idea, though I have only read of Vanyel sequence in the Valdemar.

One point, you have Hermione listing Tom Riddle as being defeated by Dumbledore. I think you meant Grindlewald in that spot.—nurray

My response: See my comment about me and history timelines to fenriswolf above. *sheepish grin* I do appreciate all the constructive criticism and comments that you guys make, and try to the advice with a grain of salt and keep it in mind when revising. I understand that we are on the internet, and what may be intended as friendly criticism can come across as harsher than it was originally meant to be. (note: this is not personal toward you, nurray, it's a general comment )

Fanfiction.net Reviews

You better take this down.
Lackey has said any fan fiction involving her works, and the author gets sued.

BTW: Heralds are 'not' the only ones with Gifts. Healers and Bards also have them. Also, others have gifts. It's just that they usually aren't detected.—the Dragon Bard

My response: I find it interesting that you're commenting to me about Mercedes Lackey's policy on fan fiction when there's a whole SECTION on ff.net involving her work and characters. I am aware of her policy. Thanks for your concern though.

Also—I didn't say that Heralds are the “only ones with Gifts”. Here's the quote: “All magic in Valdemar (except, to an extent, Bardic Gifts and Healing Talent) is a variation of mind magic.” I was trying to show that there is a distinct difference between Heraldic Gifts and Healing and Baric Gifts. I obviously didn't get my point across, and will look to that when I revise. Also, I know others have Gifts. It wasn't relevant to the story, so I didn't put it in.

General author comments: I'm pulling the story for now—not because I'm not going to work on it, but because I want to take the advice given and flesh out a couple of bugs . Also, for the record, I am perfectly aware of Mercedes Lackey's policy on fan fiction, but guys, siriusly. There's an entire SECTION devoted to this specific series, and I honestly doubt that every single one of those authors submits a request for a legal release form. However, when I am ready to post this story again, I will do so first on my own site and then on ff.net and possibly PK, thus taking responsibility if needed.

Thank you to everyone who commented—I really do appreciate that you took the time to leave a review.

So. Mind Over Magic is on hiatus for now (again). Guess that means I have to go back and look at `The Bodyguard', eh?

I've got Spring Break next week, so I may get something done. But then, I may not…

Thanks again for your patience and support.

Mystic