Engaged

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Chapter Nine

Expect the unexpected.

UNEXPECTED

Harry sat on his mattress couch, hugging his knees, staring out the window. It would soon be snowing. The whole world was a mysterious blue; and the mist only contributed to the overall effect of the midnight ocean. A chilly wind blew outside, running through the grass, making the window vibrate softly. He coughed, his breath coming in white wispy puffs, then shivered involuntarily. He gave an exasperated sigh, summoned his wand, and lit the fireplace. He was sitting too far from the flames to get warm, and the vastness of the house could not be illuminated with so feeble a blaze. The room was hushed and cold. Harry continued to gaze out the window, his eyes focused on the same spot, his mind wandering to places.

It was the knocking that broke the spell.

Harry turned with dull eyes to the general direction of the banging. He felt too tired to move. His limbs were as heavy as lead. He desperately wanted the pounding to stop; it was beginning to give him a headache. Slowly, torturously, he rose from the cushions, and then strode over, opening the front door a tiny crack. He peered from behind his door, wary and mildly irritated.

Hermione was the last person he expected to be standing there.

And yet, there she was, right in front of him, still stunningly beautiful. Without even the faintest of smiles. Her eyes were glazed over, her lower lip trembling, her face stony. Harry stared, speechless, incapable of doing anything but gawk idiotically. Her face was blank, and Harry was unable to read her expression. They did not exchange any words, or a single nod of acknowledgement. Then Harry looked away, feeling as if his lungs were collapsing, his pulse fading.

"Harry," Hermione started, her voice shaky.

Then she burst into tears.

He watched her bury her face in her palms, staring mutely as her shoulders began to tremble. Her sobs echoed through the empty room. He was aware that he should be baffled by her strange behavior, but he only felt a numbing calm. He wondered if he had unconsciously been waiting for this moment all along. It seemed like his last guilty chance to catch her in her emotional state and confess his feelings for her. Harry took a step forward, and wrapped his arms around her. She immediately grabbed his shoulders, her nails digging into his flesh, her head falling into the familiar cradle of his chest. He stroked her hair, soothing her, whispering into her ear.

"What's wrong?" Harry murmured, a little breathless.

She looked up at his face, her red face blotchy and tear-stained. He brushed his thumb over her pale, smooth cheek, longing to kiss her. She took a long, wobbly breath, trying to calm herself, but her face crumpled, and she let out another pungent cry. Harry just stood there, holding her, more satisfied than he had ever been in his entire pathetic life. He hated himself for even daring to be content in her misery; but she was in his arms at last. That was all that mattered.

"It's D-Darren." Hermione finally said, barely able to choke out her words.

Harry stiffened. His arms dropped from her waist, and he hung his head, forcing himself to listen to her words. He didn't want to talk about Darren. He didn't want to hear his name. Not coming from Hermione's lips. Never.

"He cheated on me."

What?

"He's been cheating on me the whole time, Harry. He's been screwing around with another woman."

She spat the words, as if they were fungus on her tongue. Harry didn't know whether he wanted to comfort her or beat Darren into pulp. That bloody, bloody mule. He didn't even deserve Hermione. How could that bastard? How could he even bring himself to leave her for another shit of a woman? The idea was so outrageously absurd, Harry had to wait five seconds before the words finally sank in.

Hermione swallowed, then squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them again, there was only rage. A furious, ravaging anger that left Harry aghast.

"How could he do that to me? I loved him so much, Harry. How could he just trample all over me? How could he treat me like I was some trash? Do you know what he said? He told me that we weren't right for each other". That we should reconsider. That marriage was a big mistake. That we should just remain friends". Friends! After all those months that I spent together with him, he delivered his speech without so much as batting an eyelash."

She paused for breath, her chest heaving up and down heavily. Harry felt like he was being sliced up, his heart being shredded, mutilated. He was aching for her. Hermione's auburn hair fell over her flushed cheeks, and her fists were clenched tightly. She couldn't stop shaking.

"Everything I've done for him all amounts to nothing. Why couldn't he see my efforts? He told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me that he loved me with his heart and soul. Heart and soul my bloody arse! I saw them. It was awful. I walked in on them. He was fucking her on our bed," She shook her head, panting. Why did it have to be me? Why doesn't anyone ever love me? Why can't men stay loyal? Nobody loves me, Harry. No man ever will. They all want to be friends-"

"That's not true, Hermione-"

She didn't seem to hear him. She continued ranting and raving, throwing her hands up in the air crazily, her eyes wide and wild.

"I worked so hard to be something; someone... I wanted to prove myself to the world. I wanted to show them that I wasn't just a loser. But I was wrong. They were right all along, Harry! I'm pathetic. Pathetic. I'm just Hermione the bookworm, the mudblood, the filth. I've wasted my entire life. Look at me. I don't even have a proper job! And now I can't even have a family. I've only dated three men my entire life. Only three men out of millions have ever noticed me. Is it because I'm ugly? I'm not smart enough? That I'm too much of a bore-"

"No," Harry interrupted firmly, grabbing her hand in his.

"You're beautiful, Hermione. And you're the smartest woman I'll ever know. You're generous, sweet, caring...you're perfect. Men would walk through the Sahara for you, whether you realize it or not. And you are someone. Dr. Hermione Granger, so fucking sexy and brilliant. You're the world to me. You're my whole entire fucking world, Hermione. You're everything to Ron, the whole Weasley family, your parents, friends...do I even need to continue? You're standing at the top of the world and you can't see that cause it's too cloudy. That's all. Don't let Darren get you down; he was only a fool that wasted your precious time."

She shook her head, her curls fanning out, falling limply in front of her face.

"You're biased as a friend, Harry. I know that you feel the need to be protective and stand on my side, but the truth is, I don't need your sympathy. I can see now. See myself and my goddamn stupidity."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe you're loved?"

She looked startled by the question. She looked up at Harry, finding his gaze locked with hers, his eyes flashing. He had a look of determination on his face, mixed with something else she couldn't quite place. She became self-conscious, and fidgeted a little under the intensity of his stare. It felt awkward, how she was standing so close to this friend, this man, who was so irrefutably attractive and handsome with his raven hair and green eyes.

She had no answer. There was only one thought occupying her mind.

Why am I not with him?

Her stubborn pride was forcing her to say something. Anything.

Kiss me.

"Because..."

But she was silenced when Harry's lips came crashing down on hers.

It was almost ironical, how he answered her prayer immediately. Then she was melting into a hot puddle of heavenly bliss. Her mind fogged over, and she could only succumb to the intensity and tenderness of the kiss. Harry only knew urgency, his hands touching her cheeks, her neck, her hair, scorching her skin. He had waited a lifetime for this moment, fantasized about it for years, but nothing measured up to the kiss of reality. Hermione felt as if she was floating in a surreal dream. One minute she was exploding, the next she was swept off her feet by a gentle wave. Then all of a sudden, there was only clarity. Inimitable light.

She was falling for her best friend.

And it was wrong.

"Stop."

She didn't even want him to.

It was a pleading command, razor-sharp. Something shattered in him. Harry froze, and Hermione shoved him hard in the chest. He stumbled backwards, dazed and confused. He could still taste her on his lips. He focused on her face, the eyes that were red and puffy, swollen and bruised lips.

"This is a mistake."

The little wound on his heart tore open an inch wider.

He had to bring himself to ask the question.

"Is it because of Darren?"

Hermione nodded her head slowly. There was only a dull aching.

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

He had been careful not to use the word 'love'. She shook her head sadly.

"I don't know."

She could see that he was hurt.

"You can't just do this. You can't just walk into my life and ruin me forever. You can't just turn up at my door and expect me to do whatever you want me to -"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Harry?"

He didn't even know what he was saying anymore. He was just so fed up with everything, so fed up with rejection. It just kept coming. He was a pool of dead water that the mosquitoes just wouldn't leave alone. And every time he thought he could finally get over it, he was having his heart broken again. Again and again and again.

Fuck that.

"You've been ignoring me for quite a while. To be honest, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of pleading for your forgiveness. I'm sick of feeling like a miserable fuck. I'm sick of you and I'm sick of Darren. I'm sick of waiting for you to return my calls. You've locked me out of your life, offering me nothing but a cold shoulder. I can't deal with this shit. Just minutes ago you still hated me, and the next you're crying in my arms. Hot and Cold. What comes next, Hermione? What am I supposed to wait for?"

She felt like screaming.

"Excuse me? Am I hearing you correctly? Do you even deserve my forgiveness? You've given me reason to ignore you. You were beating up my fianc? remember? You humiliated me publicly. I just don't understand why you couldn't be happy for me, Harry. I've given you chances, and you just keep blowing them away. I can't keep on giving you chances, Harry. It just doesn't work that way."

I'm fucking in love with you, you fucking retard. I'm fucking in love with you.

He could only shake his head, forlorn.

"Why are you even here, Hermione? There's nothing for you anymore."

She looked surprised, shocked, then angry. She shook her head almost disbelievingly.

"I thought we were friends. I thought you could at least be a little understanding. I thought you could offer comfort; the way you've always been able to. I didn't think my expectations were high. I didn't think I was asking too much."

She still somehow made him feel like a complete failure.

She lifted her eyes to him, icily. She wanted him to kiss her again. She wanted him to hurt like he had hurt her. The room was starting to spin. She felt puzzled. There was an obscure murkiness blurring her mind, distorting her thoughts, impeding her from thinking properly.

Why are you even here, Hermione?

"What the fuck do you think you were doing?"

Harry looked pained. She was aware that she should stop, but she couldn't. It was as if her mouth had a mind of it's own. Tell Harry off, it said, and the words poured out like hot acid. She felt the need to destroy him. Crush him like dirt. To make him feel worthless. What had he done to her? Why had he kissed her? Why had he toyed with her emotions? Why did he have to steal her heart so effortlessly?

"I just broke up with Darren. All I wanted was a little respect from my friend. Instead you treat me like filth. Do you think I accompanied you through all these years, just so I could end up like one of your trashy girlfriends? One of those sluts? Brainless, air-headed women who can't even recite the alphabet? I'm not one of your fuck dolls, Harry. And I don't appreciate you approaching me like that."

She shrugged, and it was tedious, as if she didn't have a care in the world. Then she smiled, her tears betraying her grin. She looked like a drunk hysterical woman, standing lopsided, her face tilting at a strange angle.

"I guess I'm through with you."

Then she breezed past him, out the doorway, her hair swinging behind her.

"I've given you everything."

He whispered into emptiness.

---

A/N:

You're entitled to your own opinion. Just don't be mistaken into thinking that I actually care to know it.

Still a few chapters left, I guess. I am going to finish this shit, once and for all.