Their Seventh Year

Chapter 10- James Has His Say

Lily was just coming out of Herbology when she heard someone shout her name. She turned and saw James Potter, and instead of his usual good-natured smile, he looked angry. Really angry, angry enough to frighten her. Without giving her a chance to say anything, he seized her wrist and pulled her around the corner of the greenhouse, out of sight of her surprised classmates. His grip was painfully tight and she tried to pull out of his grasp.

"Stop it! James, stop, you're hurting my arm."

He released her, but then whirled around to face her. "Just who the Hell do you think you are?"

Surprised and not expecting the question, she replied with the obvious. "Lily Evans."

"Well, let me tell you something Lily Evans, you don't know a damn thing about me! For years I've just tried to be nice to you, because I thought I liked you, and maybe I didn't go about it in the best way and I know as well as anyone that I've acted like an idiot sometimes and I still have a lot of growing up to do. But you've always brushed me off without even bothering to find out anything about me."

"But-"

"I'M NOT FINISHED! I just realized something though. You assume you know all about me and who I am and what I care about, but you haven't got a bloody clue! You said the other day that I'm so enamoured with myself that I don't know how like someone or to love someone. Well, you're completely wrong. I have three of the absolute best friends in the world, and even if we don’t show it a lot, I love them, totally and unconditionally. I have a family Lily, who would do anything for me. I do know how to love people, completely and without expecting anything in return. I know how to love people to an extent that I would do anything for them, even die for them. I know I may come off as shallow sometimes, but I care very deeply about some things that you couldn't even begin to understand, so before you start throwing out judgements, you might consider who has the problem here. Because you know what I think Lily? You're so worried about that everyone thinks about you and you're so worried about being taken seriously that you won't let anyone get close to you. Maybe you're the one with the problem loving people, because when you let yourself like someone Lily, they're going to see that you're not perfect, and maybe that is what you have such a problem with. So don't tell me I don't know how to love you Lily, you're the one who won't give it a chance. Fine, I'm tired of fighting for you, but don't try to make it my fault. And…and…that's all." He finished, breathing heavily.

She was staring at him with her mouth slightly open, but he just turned on his heel and walked away.

"James….James wait!" She said weakly, but he didn't stop.

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After he left Lily, James felt triumphant, victorious, on top of the world. For about twenty minutes. He had only meant to point out to her that he had close friends who he loved and vice-versa, but he'd just gotten angrier and angrier and once he's started talking he couldn't stop. He knew he'd hurt her feelings, he'd seen it in her eyes. Well, fine, she never worried about his feelings, and besides, he hadn't said anything that wasn't true.

He was in the dorm, resolutely trying to read his Arithmancy homework, when Remus came in.

"Did you…uh…find Lily?"

James gave him a dirty look. He knew the Hogwart's gossip machine had been working. "You know I did."

"Yeah, mentioned you caught her leaving herbology."

He said nothing else, but took out his own arithmancy book and began to read as well. James knew this was actually just waiting until he decided to talk about it, but James wasn't going to talk about it. It was over, done with. He'd said what he had to to Lily and that was the end of it.

"JAMES!" Sirius burst into the room. "Prongs, did you actually snog Lily Evans behind the greenhouse?"

"I didn't lay a hand on Lily Evans." He said quietly. Wonderful, the rest of the class couldn't see what was going on so they were making up their own stories. He should have known that would happen.

"Okay, you didn't lay a hand on her, but did you or did you not snog her?" Sirius was bouncing from one foot to the other in excitement.

"I did not Padfoot."

"Damn."

"I just told her I wasn't going to fight her anymore, I'd leave her alone. I don't reckon she'll want to come anywhere me either. I was kind of harsh."

He brought his book back up, and didn't see his two best friends exchange a look.

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Lily could not stand the noise and activity of the common room, but she couldn't face her room and the delicate inquiries from her roommates if she was okay. There were times when she hated boarding school- there was no privacy, and she knew the whole school knew something had happened between her and James behind the greenhouse, but since they didn't know what, they were making up their own, probably X-rated, versions.

She left the common room with no particular destination in mind, without any thought of getting in trouble. She was head girl anyway, no one would mind. As she walked the halls of Hogwart's, though she didn't want to, she thought about what Potter had said. He was wrong. Totally wrong! He could not be more wrong. All the flirting and asking her out wasn’t being nice, it was to annoy her. And she was not the one with the problem. She had a family and friends too, and they loved her. Well, besides Petunia of course. But her parents…Lily knew her parents loved her…although they had grown apart a lot in the last few years. Not because they didn't love her, but because they couldn't really understand her world, and every year she spent at Hogwart's she grew farther and farther away from the muggle world. But that had nothing to do with anything, she still loved her parents. And she had friends, close, wonderful friends. What were Alice and Flora if not people she loved? And yet it wasn't quite the same sort of thing that Potter had with his friends. She hated to admit it, but although she hated Potter and Black individually, she admired the closeness they had with each other and Lupin and Pettigrew. Even though most of the time they were acting like boys- teasing and play fighting and acting stupid, there was definitely a bond there.

Lily stopped, in the middle of a hallway. What if he was right? She had worked so hard to be at the top of her class and to earn the respect of people who thought muggle-borns were second class citizens, and at the expense of what? Potter's words came back to her ". I know how to love people to an extent that I would do anything for them, even die for them." Did anyone care about her that much? She forced herself to admit it. No. No one would die for her.

Lily pushed open the door nearest to her, the empty Charms classroom. She pulled the door shut behind her, leaning against it, she slid slowly down and wrapped her arms around her knees, and cried.