Their Seventh Year

Okay lovies, I am going to keep trying to update at work because 1.) I haven’t heard from the portkey.org people on ways to fix the problem (still a technology moron) and 2.)  There are only 7 chapters left anyway.  And I don’t think I say it enough, but I really, really do appreciate your feedback.

And, if Sirius is saving himself for anyone, it’s obviously me…..

Chapter 34- Three Little Words

It was when they were heading to the dungeon for potions when they came upon a small crowd gathering that usually meant a fight.  James pushed aside some third years and then stopped suddenly as soon as he saw the people involved.  Rabastan Lestrange was a seventh year Slytherin, and along with his brother who had graduated years before, was known as someone you did not mess with.  He was smirking.

“What’s the matter Malfoy?  Did I hit a nerve?  A little too close to the truth?”

“I said take it back Lestrange.”

The person who was about to hex him was none other than Arianna Malfoy.  Sirius started forward but both Remus and James stopped him.  There was no chance they were going to let him get involved in a conflict between two Slytherins.  Even with the authority of Head Boy, James was not going to chance stepping in and trying to stop it.  The house politics in Slytherin were something he did not even want to contemplate, much less interfere with.

“Or what?” 

Sirius thought, from where he was standing, the scene was somewhat surreal.  Rabastan Lestrange was a big guy, and Arianna looked young even for a sixth year.  It hardly looked like a fair fight.  She was in over her head.  And Lestrange was known for being particularly vicious.  He shook off his friends’ restraining hands and stepped forward.

“Why don’t you play with someone your own size Lestrange?”

All eyes turned to him.  Lestrange stared at him, uncomprehending for a moment, and then glanced around, sizing up this new situation.  He saw James and Remus standing there, and apparently noted that none of his own friends were present.  He lowered his wand.

“Don’t waste my time Black.”  He turned away and pushed through the stunned crowd.

There was a long silence in which Sirius was painfully aware that everyone was staring at him, until James’s voice cut though the silence.

“That’s enough, the bell is about to ring, get to class.”

Arianna didn’t have a chance to say anything, because her blond friend seized her arm and dragged her away, but if looks could kill Sirius would have been dead on the spot.

======

James was more than a little nervous about graduation, which seemed to be looming in the very near future now, but he could certainly find one bright spot in it. In a school like Hogwarts, there was simply no way to get one's girlfriend alone for any decent amount of time without someone bursting in. In fact, one of the only times he was usually alone with Lily was Wednesday evening after the dueling club meetings. They would stay and put the Great Hall back the way it was supposed to be, just as they had after the first meeting. It was one of his favorite times of the week.

So he was more than a little annoyed that week when Peter decided to stay around and help. Now James understood that Peter was probably feeling a bit abandoned lately. He was spending a lot of time with Lily, Remus was spending a lot of time with Flora, and Sirius was just...being Sirius, but that seemed to keep him pretty well occupied. They were all busy with studying for NEWTS, and so it was true that James had not been seeing as much of his friends as he used to. That didn't mean he was going to let Peter interfere on time he had come to think of as Lily's. Especially since he had been trying for a week to figure out how exactly to tell her that he loved her. He had never imagined something so simple would be so hard to get out.

"Pete, you don't have to help us." He insisted, giving obviously significant looks towards Lily.

"Oh, I don't mind." Peter replied merrily, levitating a chair into place.

James lowered his voice. "Wormtail if you don't get going I'm going to hex you."

"Wow, look at the time, I have to go see that guy about that thing." Peter said loudly, suddenly, and with an apologetic smile at Lily, left them blessedly alone.

"So." James began, and Lily whirled to face him.

"Not that again! All week James, you keep saying "so" like you're preparing to say something important, and then you start talking nonsense and bolt off!"

"Oh yeah? Sorry." He hadn't realized he was quite so obvious about it. "Well, what I was going to say is...um...I sent in my application for Auror training today. I mean, it's still dependent on how I do on my NEWTS, but they told my Dad that assuming I do okay on them, everything else should be in order for me to start."

It wasn't exactly what he meant to say, but it was leading to it, and luckily Lily seemed interested in that line of conversation. "You've decided that's what you want to do?"

He nodded. "Always has been really. I mean, playing Quidditch would be fun, but this is more useful now. It's important."

"It's dangerous."

"The whole world is dangerous right now."

She nodded slowly. "I think...I got into the Ministry’s training programme for Experimental charms."

He stared. "Lily, that's great! How come you didn't tell me?"

"I wasn't sure, what I wanted to do. But I think I want to go to , that way I'm closer to my family if anything...well, I'm just closer."

"So I'll be in , and you'll be in ..." This seemed to James an opportune way to lead intowhat he wanted to say anyway. "You know I liked you fora long time Lily. And it took you a long time for you to agree to go out with me."

Her mouth twitched in amusement. "Because you insisted upon being an arrogant git?"

"Well, you must admit it wasn't just that..." He went off track.

"No, you're right, there was another man..." She mused thoughtfully.

"Wha-?" He had been going to say she was unbelievably stubborn and always had to be right. This was the first he'd heard of this.

"..but of course, I'll just have to live with that." She finished wistfully

"What 'other man' Lily?" He saidwith narrowed eyes.

"Well, I've tried to fight it James, but I've always felt this overwhelming, all-consuming lust for....Peter."

James choked on the breath he had just taken.

"WHAT?! Are you serious?"

Lily looked at him with a straight face for a moment longer, and then burst out laughing.

"Oh...my...God, you should see your face!" She gasped between peals of laughter. "Oh honestly...of course not! Are youinsane? You were just acting so serious, I couldn't resist. Oh I'm sorry, but the expression on your face was just so priceless!"

As soon as recovered from the shock of hearing "all-consuming lust" and "Peter" in the same sentence, he started to laugh as well. She had really been very convincing, and it had broken the tension he had been feeling.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, when they had both recovered. "You were saying something."

"Oh, well, just that I liked you for a long time. At least, I thought I did. I mean, I did, because I thought you were really pretty...I mean, I think you're really pretty, I still do, that didn't change. But I didn't really know you back when you didn't talk to me. So it's like I have these two different versions of Lily, the one who I thought I liked, who was pretty and smart, but then there's you...who's pretty and smart andmakes jokes about all-consuming lust for Peter...and it's even better." He realized that he was babbling and not really saying anything coherent. Just spit it out Potter. "Sorry, I really do have a point. I just...I still get nervous sometimes talking to you..." He took a deep breath. "I love you Lily."

Then followed the loudest silence James had ever heard.

"And I know we haven't been dating that long and you've had less time to work out what you're feeling, if anything, and you don't have to say anything at all. Just know that I love you." He would have kept babbling on, just to avoid silence, had she not leaned over and kissed him.

======

Lily was...well, she didn't know what she was. Everything after James speaking was a daze. She some how got back to her room (well, about an hour later). She was oblivious to Alice and Flora's idle chatter about homework. She was just...dazed.

"Lily? LILY!"

"Wha-?"

"I asked you, like four times, if I could borrow your charms book. Mine's downstairs and I don't feel like going to get it."

"Oh, yeah, sure." She tossed it over.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Whatever has got you practically comatose."

She considered. Alice and Frank were way beyond the saying "I love you" point in their relationship, so this wasn't entirely unfamiliar territory to her.

"James said he loved me."

Alice and Flora practically threw their books aside. This was far more important.

"Did you...say anything back?"

"No..."

"Nothing?"

"No..."

"Ouch."

"Well what was I supposed to say? Thank you?"

“Did you run away screaming?”

“No, I kissed him.”

“Are you trying to win some kind of award?  Queen of mixed signals or something?”

“Thank you , that’s helpful.”

"So you don't feel the same way?"

"I don't know what I feel! We've only been dating two and a half months!"

"There's not a time limit on something like this."

"I know. It's just such a huge thing to say. It scares me."

"Let me ask it this way Lily.Aside from actually saying the words, in this room, right now, no one else around to hear, do you love him?"

"I...I could. Maybe I already do. I..."

"Say he's going to break up with you tomorrow and move away to some foreign country because you're such a bitch for not saying it back..."

"!"

"...It's an example! How do you feel now that he's gone?"

She considered that, and found she couldn't imagine her life without James in it. She had to admit that when she thought about her future, at university and beyond, she had unconsciously placed him in the picture. If he was gone...

"Oh God, I do." She whispered. "I didn't think I did, but I can't imagine my life without him, and..."

gavea satisfied nod. "You shouldn't say it if you don't mean it Lily, but if you do, you should tell him."

She got up.

“Lily?  You know it’s really late?  He’s probably asleep?”  called after her as she left the room.

======

"James! James wake up!"

Someone was shaking him lightly.

"Goaway." He mumbled.

"James!"

Without opening his eyes, his brain still fogged by sleep, he assumed it was Sirius, that was the person generally waking him up in the middle of the night to go to the kitchens or plan some elaborate prank involving humiliation of Slytherins, so he rolled away from the insistent shaking.

"FuckoffSirius."

"It's not Sirius, it's Lily."

That got through. He groped blindly for his glasses and put them on, and gaped at her.

"I need to talk to you." She whispered.

"Uh...okay..."

"Can we go downstairs?"

"Sure."

There was still a fire burning low in the common room, and he was trying to force his tired brain back into alertness.

"What would McGonagall say if she knew the head girl had been in our room?" He gave her a mock severe look that actually was alarmingly close to McGonagall's.

"I know, I'm sorry I woke you up. I really had to tell you something. I don't know why I didn't sooner, I-"

"No, Lily, I don't want you to feel like you have to say it just because I did. It doesn't matter, when, or even if you ever feel the same way. I don't want you to-"

She put her hand over his mouth to stop him.

"James, I love you."

His eyes widened a bit.

"I'm not saying it because I feel like I have to. I'm saying it because I want to, and because it's true."

======

Sirius was heading back to the common room rather late when someone grabbed the back collar of his robes and dragged him into an empty classroom.  Choking, he staggered around to face Arianna, who closed the door quickly and sealed it with a soundproofing charm, the reason for which became obvious a second later.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” 

“At the moment, I’m thinking why you just tried to strangle me.”  He bit back, rubbing his throat.  She waved her hand as if this was irrelevant.

“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused me?”

“Well, I’m so sorry for TRYING TO HELP!”  He shouted back, “I wasn’t aware you apparently like being hexed.”

“Don’t be stupid, he wasn’t going to hex me!”

“So he just had his wand pointed at you for recreation then?”

“You and your sodding Gryffindor chivalry complex!  I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!”

“Don’t you know how dangerous Lestrange can be?”

“Don’t you know how dangerous my family can be?  I would think you, of all people, would understand!  This will get back to them, and my father will want to know why Sirius Black, of all people, feels the need to defend me.  Do you have any idea the trouble you’ve caused for me?  Did that even cross your mind?  I’d rather have been hexed by Lestrange than have to deal with the mess I’m going to be in now!  Do you realize what people are going to say?  Do you realize that you are a cautionary tale for how wrong children from good families can go?  Do you realize how much trouble I would be in if my father even knew I spoke to you?”

Sirius felt as if someone had knocked all the air out of him.

“I…didn’t think of that.”  He admitted lamely.

“That is obvious.”  She hissed, and then seemed to deflate slightly.  She leaned against the edge of a desk, sighing.

“Look, why don’t I tell people that I had my own issue with Lestrange, and I just took that moment to settle it?”

She shrugged.  “I’m sure the owls are already on the way to Lucius with their own version of events.”  She frowned.  “I’ll come up with something.  Maybe he’ll believe I’m seducing you to the dark side.  Your friends found it fairly plausible.”

“I wouldn’t dream of questioning your skills as a seductress.”

“I can’t even tell if that was a compliment or an insult.”

He was silent for a moment, then the question came out of its own accord.

“Why do you?”

“What?”

“Talk to me?”  He took a step closer.  “Why do you talk to me if it would get you in so much trouble?”

“O-oh…I…”  She tried to take a step back, but there was a desk directly behind her.  “I don’t know.”

He closed the distance between them in two steps.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get flustered before.”

“What are you doing?”

“Why?  Am I making you nervous?”

In a quick, elusive movement, she ducked away from him.  She stared at him for a moment, her breath coming quickly, and then scooped up her bag and took the spell off the door.

“Just leave me alone.  Don’t talk to me anymore.  I didn’t expect…just stay away from me.”

She slipped out the door.  Sirius started after her, and then leaned against the desk to catch his balance, since the world seemed to be reeling.

======

He was still shaking his head in confusion when he walked into their room, and he was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t immediately notice the expectant and slightly accusatory looks from his roommates.  He dropped his bag by his bed, tossed aside his tie and took off his shoes before he realized they were all staring at him.

“What?”

“Where have you been?  Because we’re all assuming that it might have something to do with a Slytherin girl that we think you really ought to explain.”

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

“Yes and no.  It’s irrelevant now, she made it pretty clear she wants absolutely nothing to do with me.”

“What did you do to her?”

“Absolutely nothing!  I am being completely honest when I tell you guys I have never done anything with that girl except talk.  And, as I said, that apparently isn’t going to be happening anymore anyway.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Well, I really wasn’t given a vote on the subject.”  He replied sharply, before grabbing a book and going back down to the common room.