~*I have no idea where this story came from, it just seemed to pour forth from my imagination. It's full of angst and smut, and it was a plot bunny I just couldn't ignore. Welcome to my dark side, I hope you enjoy the ride!!!*~
Harry Potter walked down the corridor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, making his way to the library.
Harry was in his seventh year of schooling and had grown into a very powerful young wizard. After the debacle in the
Ministry of Magic at the end of his fifth year, Harry came back for his sixth year ready to prepare for the final
battle. His spirit had been broken after Sirius died, but he swore to himself that no more of the people he cared for
would fall at the hands of Voldemort. Dumbledore had started him on a grueling training regimen and had helped Harry
unlock his magical talent by teaching him how to draw off of the love he felt for his friends. So every time Harry
performed a hex, he thought of Arthur and Molly Weasley, his surrogate parents. He thought of Ron and Ginny, who he
thought of as a brother and sister. He thought of Hermione, his...best friend.
Harry stopped his train of thought as he realized he was at the door to the library. He walked inside and nodded in greeting at Madam Pince, who just watched him as he walked by. Making his way to the back of the room, Harry spotted the person he was looking for. He walked up to the table and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Harry!" she exclaimed, putting her hand on her chest in surprise "what are you doing here?"
"I didn't mean to startle you" he said apologetically. Turning serious, he looked her in the eyes and said "Hermione, would you come and take a walk with me?"
"Sure Harry" she replied, looking at him curiously "is something wrong?"
"No, I just wanted to talk to you" he answered evasively. Hermione stared at him for a second and then gathered her things into her book bag. Harry motioned for her to lead the way to the door and followed her out of the library. "Where do you want to go?" she asked.
"How about around the lake?" he replied. When she nodded her head in agreement he reached over and took the book bag that was hanging from her shoulder, putting it on his shoulder instead. He then reached down and took Hermione's hand in his and they made their way outside. Harry's heart had gone into overdrive the minute he had taken Hermione's hand and he was struggling to remember what he had wanted to say. They walked quietly for a while until they were walking alongside the water. Harry gathered his courage and nervously said "I love you Hermione."
Hermione stopped dead in her tracks, causing Harry to be yanked back since he was still holding her hand. "What did you say?" she asked, staring at him wide-eyed.
"I said I-I love you" he mumbled, starting to feel his courage slipping away. She stood there silently, looking everywhere but where he stood. "What do you mean you love me? I-I don't understand?"
"What is there to understand?" he asked, angry at her lack of response. "I-LOVE-YOU, I didn't think I'd have to explain what those words meant" he said, closing his eyes and letting go of Hermione's hand. Pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers, he asked "I take it you don't return my feelings?"
A tense silence surrounded the two teens as Harry waited dreadfully for her to answer. She looked at him and said "N-No Harry, I don't."
He opened his eyes and looked at her, seeing tears streaming down her face. Feeling his heart shatter, he quietly said "oh, ok. Well, I'm sorry if I ruined our friendship." Hanging his head, Harry turned away from her and started to make his way back to the castle.
"Harry!" he heard Hermione cry. He could hear the plea in her voice for him to come back, but he chose to ignore her and continued to walk away from the love of his life.
Harry had made his way up to the Astronomy Tower and walked to the furthest corner from the door. Thankfully it was a Hogsmead weekend so most of the students were gone and the tower was empty. Harry had been forbidden to go with his friends since the second War was looming ever closer and Hermione had stayed because she had work that needed to be done. Reaching the corner, he turned his back to the wall, sliding down until he sat on the cold, hard floor. Drawing his knees up to his chest, Harry crossed his arms on his knees and lay his head on his arms. He sat like that for hours, Hermione's rejection echoing in his thoughts the entire time. No tears escaped his eyes, but his chest was tight with the hurt and despair he felt. As he sat mourning for his lost love, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs and hoped whoever it was would see him and go away. He heard the footsteps stop and the door open, but he didn't bother to look up to see who it was.
"Harry?" came a hushed voice; a voice that had been playing through his head all night. He felt his heart break a little more and with his head still buried in his arms, he yelled "go away! I don't have anything to say to you!"
Instead of leaving, the footsteps drew closer and stopped right in front of him. "Harry" Hermione whispered "please hear me out."
"You've said enough" came his muffled reply.
"No, you don't understand" she said tearfully "out by the lake today, I-I lied to you."
Harry's head jerked up and Hermione cringed at the angry hollow eyes that were staring back at her. "What do you mean, you lied to me?" he asked, his voice betraying the look in his eyes.
"I mean" she said, tentatively reaching out to touch his hands "that I lied when I said I didn't return your feelings."
He looked at her with a confused and hurt look on his face and asked "why would you do that?"
"Because I know how hard you've been training for the upcoming War and I didn't want to become a distraction" she explained, begging him with her eyes to understand.
"A distraction? You didn't want to be a distraction, so you figured you'd shatter my heart into tiny little pieces instead?!" he asked, frustrated with her answer.
Getting frustrated herself with his lack of understanding, she asked "why did you pick today of all days to tell me?"
Harry looked at her for a second then stood up, causing Hermione's hand to drop off of his own. He walked over to the window and stood looking at the now moonlit grounds of his beloved school and home. "Because I'm leaving in the morning" he replied, his voice hoarse with unspoken fear.
"What?!" Hermione whispered in disbelief. "You can't mean..."
"Snape finally worked his way into Voldemort's inner circle and found out where he's been hiding all this time. He's taking me there tomorrow morning" Harry choked out.
"But you're not ready!" she exclaimed, grasping at any excuse for him not to go.
"Yes I am" he said with a quiet determination. "I just wanted you to know how I felt before I left; I wanted you to know in case I didn't come back."
"Oh Harry!" she cried and ran up behind him. "Please forgive me for lying to you. I-I was scared; I didn't want to be the reason you weren't ready to face Voldemort when the time came. I'm so sorry I hurt you." When he didn't answer, she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Laying her head on his back, she could hear his heart beating loudly in his chest. She closed her eyes and listened to it's steady beat, memorizing it's rhythm and filing it away in her memory. Harry brought his hands up slowly and wrapped them around hers.
Feeling emboldened by his gesture, she quietly said "I've loved you since our third year when we went back in time together; when we rode Buckbeak together. I remember when we were in the forest and I watched as the hurt crossed your face as you realized it wasn't your Father that had produced the patronus. I realized at that moment that I would do anything to take that hurt away."
Harry turned around in her arms so that he was facing her and brought his hands up to her face to cup her cheeks. With his green eyes boring into hers, he said "I've known since I saw you in hospital petrified in our second year. I remember thinking that I didn't know what I would do if they couldn't return you back to normal; I didn't think I'd be able to survive without you."
Hermione's eyes welled up with tears and she whispered "please don't leave tomorrow."
With a look of apology in his eyes, Harry said "I have to go Hermione, you know that."
Hermione closed her eyes, causing her unshed tears to fall slowly down her cheeks as she nodded her head. She remembered when Harry had told her and Ron about the prophecy when they were at the Burrow the summer after their sixth year. She hated that he had to carry the burden of saving the world all alone. Making a split second decision in her mind, Hermione looked Harry in the eye and said "make love to me Harry."
Harry stared at her for a moment, rubbing his thumbs across the petal soft skin on her face. "Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked hesitantly. Hermione turned her head and kissed the palm of his hand that was resting on her cheek. "I'm sure" she said quietly, a soft smile playing on her lips.
In a show of his newly attained powers, Harry waved his hand toward the Astronomy Tower door and they heard the click of the lock as it engaged. With another wave of his hand he conjured a small mattress on the floor. Hermione looked at him surprised and clearly impressed. Harry grabbed her hand and led her over to the mattress, sitting down and pulling her down with him. She had landed so that she was straddling his legs and Harry sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I've dreamed of this moment for a long time; I always hoped it would be with you" said Harry huskily. Sliding his hands under her shirt, he ran them up her back to her shoulders and then back down, stopping at her bra clasp. Harry's hands stilled and he looked at her uncertainly, waiting for her approval to continue. Hermione reached behind her back and put her hands on his, urging him to continue. When she did this, her breasts pressed into his chest more and his body suddenly felt like it was on fire. He undid the clasp and slid his hands over the skin of her back around to her front, sliding them under her now loose bra. Cupping her breasts with his hands, he marveled at how perfectly they fit there. Harry moved his thumbs and brushed them lightly over Hermione's nipples, hearing her sharp intake of breath at his touch. He continued to tease the tight nubs until she was squirming in his lap and moaning quietly. Harry captured her moans as his mouth covered hers, moaning himself at the feel of her soft lips pressing against his. Harry ran his tongue along the part of her lips, seeking entrance into her mouth which she readily gave. Slowly sliding his tongue into her mouth, he explored every inch thoroughly and lazily, savoring every moment. His desire for her increased and he started thrusting his tongue in and out of her mouth, mimicking the way his body wanted to move with her.
They pulled apart, breathing heavily and staring at each other with desire glazing their eyes. Harry reached down and pulled the hem of her shirt up over her head, discarding it on the floor along with her bra. His eyes raked over her exposed breasts and he tried to commit the sight to memory. He wanted to remember her like this, with love shining in her eyes and vulnerability written on her face. Hermione reached over and took the bottom of the t-shirt he was wearing and pulled it over his head, exposing his well toned chest. She took in his washboard abs and was thankful for all of the training he had been going through. Hermione slid her hands that had been wrapped around Harry's neck down his well-toned chest. When she lightly grazed his nipples, he sucked in a sharp breath at the desire that shot through him.
Moving with a growing impatience, Harry turned and lay her down so that she was lying flat on her back at his side. Harry reached down and undid her jeans, moving down so he was in a position to slid them off of her. When her jeans fell onto the growing pile of clothes, Harry's eyes traveled her body, from her feet all the way to her eyes, taking in her beauty one inch at a time. He marveled at how beautiful she looked, lying there bathed in moonlight. He moved back up so that they were face to face and kissed her passionately once again. Breaking away from her mouth, he started trailing kisses down her throat, over her breasts and down her stomach. Stopping at the waistband of her panties, Harry grabbed the elastic there and slowly pulled them down, trailing kisses after it's path. Once they joined the pile, he kissed his way back up her legs, savoring the taste of her skin. When he reached the valley between her legs, he slowly parted them a little further so that she was fully exposed to his eyes. He slowly bent down and ran his tongue along her womanly folds, exploring every inch which caused Hermione to moan his name in ecstasy. He continued his exploration for a while until Hermione's back arched off of the mattress and she cried his name, reaching down and tangling her hands in his hair. He kissed his way up her body and kissed her again, letting her taste herself on his lips.
Hermione sat up and pushed Harry so that now he was the one lying down. Copying Harry's actions, she kissed her way down his chest until she reached the button of his jeans, which she quickly undid. Pulling them down his legs, she looked up and noticed his erection, now free from it's prison. She felt a little nervous as she noticed the size of it, but steeled her resolve and reached up to remove his underwear also. After tossing them to the side, she made her way up to his erect member, gently wrapping her hand around it. She heard Harry's sharp intake of breath and started to slowly move her hand up and down the shaft. She heard Harry's guttural moan and began to realize the power she held over him at that moment. Feeling brazen, she bent down and licked the head of his erection, then slowly made her way down the shaft. Taking him into her mouth a little at a time, she made her way back up and repeated her movements several times. Feeling like he was going to explode, Harry reached down to still her movements. Hermione looked up at his face, questioning his actions, and then understanding dawned on her face as she realized he was close to release. She made her way back to his lips, savoring the way her skin slid over his, causing every nerve in her body to come alive. Harry once more moved her so that she was laying underneath him, and used his knee to part her legs. She could feel him pressing against her entrance, and steeled herself for what was to come. It may be her first time, but she had read enough books to understand that what was coming was going to hurt.
Harry stared into her eyes as he slowly pushed into her, stopping when he felt her barrier. With an apology in his eyes, he pushed through the barrier and heard her cry out in pain. Stilling his movements, he lay there and kissed away the tears that were at the corners of her eyes. He ran his hands through her silky hair, enjoying the feel of the strands as they slipped through his fingers. When she finally moved her hips a little to let him know she was ready to continue, he slowly pulled out and just as slowly pushed in again, trying hard not to lose control and start slamming into her. When she started to match his movements, he started to move faster, pulling out of her and pushing back in with a building need. When he couldn't hold back anymore, he let himself go and felt his release. He continued his movements until he felt himself go slack, then pulled out of her and rolled onto his side next to her. Reaching an arm around her waist, he pulled her to him, still trying to catch his breath. He leaned over and kissed her again; this time the kiss was slow and full of his love for her. They broke apart and he heard her soft sigh as she nuzzled into the curve of his neck.
"Are you ok?" he asked, his voice sounding hoarse.
"I'm fine; a little sore but I'll be ok" she replied, running her hand up and down his chest. They lay cuddled together like that throughout the night, dozing for short periods of time and then waking up, telling each other everything they'd kept hidden for so long.
Hermione woke up when a beam of sunlight hit her face and rolled over to escape the bright light. When she remembered where she was and why she was there, she sat bolt upright and looked behind her, praying she'd see Harry there. When she didn't see him she panicked and looked around the room frantically, spotting him looking out the window at the grounds. Sighing in relief that he hadn't just left her there without saying goodbye, she got up and slipped her undergarments on. Gingerly walking over to him, the throbbing ache between her legs a reminder of the night they had shared, she wrapped her arms around him from behind.
"Hey you" she said, trying to suppress the fear she felt growing inside her.
"Morning Love" he said, and turned in her arms like he had the night before so that they were face to face. Looking into his eyes, she saw an emotion there that she thought she would never see; fear. She could also see love and reluctance swirling in their emerald depths. She put her hands around his neck and hugged him to her so hard that he couldn't breath very well. He held her flush against him and buried his nose in her hair, loving the way it smelled of vanilla and strawberries.
"I don't want you to go" she said, her voice choked with tears. Harry closed his eyes, trying to fight off the tears that were welling there at the sound of her sadness.
"You know I have to go" he said, reluctantly pulling away from her and looking her in the eye. "I'm doing this for us Hermione. I'm going to go rid this world of Voldemort's evil once and for all. I will return to you and then we can live our lives in peace, together."
Unable to speak, Hermione nodded her head in understanding and wrapped her arms around him again. She buried her face in his neck and cried, releasing all the fear and the regret she felt for not telling him of her feelings sooner. He stood there holding her, letting her cry on his shoulder and release the feelings that were the same as his. He pulled back from her, his throat constricting from his desire to cry along with her. He tried to put on a brave face, but failed miserably as he looked at her tear stained face.
"Please don't ever forget that I love you with all of my heart. You are the only person I've ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I will fight my hardest to come back to you." Losing his fight, tears started falling from his eyes and he bent down to shakily claim her lips. Savoring the taste and feel of her mouth, he committed everything to memory so he could draw on it when he was out there alone hunting Voldemort.
After pulling apart from their kiss, Hermione looked into his eyes and said "I love you too Harry, with all of my heart. I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes; I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want more nights like last night, being held in your arms and feeling loved unconditionally." Hermione's lower lip started to quiver again as she said "please be safe love."
"I will, I promise" he whispered, not trusting his voice at that moment. Taking a step back from her, Harry held onto her hand, taking her in as she stood there in only her bra and panties, putting the image away with the others in his memories. "I have to go" he said, and slowly let her hand slip from his. She brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to contain the sobs that were trying to escape. With one last smile and a whispered "I love you", Harry turned and started walking towards the door.
"HARRY!" Hermione cried, running and flinging herself into his arms, crushing her body to his. Harry closed his eyes as he felt her body shake while she cried, sobbing loudly now. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" she wailed and he pulled back, reaching up to cup her face in his hands. "Me too" he said, letting the tears run freely now "but I will be back Hermione. I don't think there's anything on Earth that could stop me from returning to you, especially Voldemort." Kissing her lightly on the lips one more time, Harry quickly turned and waved his hand, disengaging the lock in the door. He opened it and looked back at her, a small smile on his face. Turning quickly, he closed the door and walked away, taking a quick pace so he wouldn't hear her cries and be tempted to go back to comfort her.
Hermione ran up to the closed door and placed her palms against it, almost willing Harry to come back to her. Finally giving up, Hermione turned and slid down the door onto the hard ground, crying harder than she had ever cried before. She sat there for what seemed like hours, crying until her tears ran dry. Shakily pulling herself up off of the floor, she walked over and gathered her clothes together. After dressing, she looked around the room one last time to memorize every crack and crevice. Standing in the middle of the room, she gathered all of her courage and made her way to the door. Opening it, she walked across the threshold and stepped out onto the top stair. Turning slightly, she slowly closed the door behind her, vowing not to return until Harry was back in her arms again.
A/N: Well, how did I do for my first angst/smut fic? I've written some smut into my story before, but it wasn't anything like this. There will be a second chapter, I'm just not sure when it'll be done. Thanks for reading the spawn of my dirty mind!!! :)