A Desperate Occurance

Title: A Desperate Occurrence

Author: ligs

Disclaimer: All characters and places used in this story that appear in J.K. Rowling’s books belong to her; though I wish they were mine. Any similarity to an existing fanfic by this piece is unintentional, while I’ve read many; I think you’ll agree I can’t read them all.

A Desperate Occurrence

Prologue -Decision for a New Beginning

Empty.

No other word can aptly describe what I feel today.

I know I shouldn’t be like this. After all, the dark lord is no more. It’s been two years now, two years after graduating from Hogwarts. I thank my blessings each day that most of my friends made it through the final battle. There had been casualties, yes. Dumbledore, Hagrid… Remus. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t take their deaths hard. I mourned their loss for months but in time I’ve grown to accept and be grateful for their sacrifice.

The first few months after Voldemort’s defeat went by like a haze for me. Reflecting on it now, I can hardly remember what happened around me in that span of time. I was still wrapped in grief back then. Though there was a sense of peace in knowing that Voldemort is gone, I still can’t help but feel that I’m partially responsible for the lives lost in that battle. I will sorely miss Remus most of all, the last of the marauders, my last link to my parents and Sirius. We held a small ceremony to honor those that had fallen in battle and laid their remains at a quaint cemetery overlooking the horizon, giving them a view of the sun’s first rays, signaling a new day. They would have liked that.

I vaguely recall attending a celebration held by the Ministry of Magic. The whole of wizarding Britain was in a festive mood. I couldn’t care less. I understand their joy. I understand it all too well. There was just no reason for me to celebrate at the time. I also went to a book signing event with Ron and Hermione. The book was a special edition of Hogwarts, A History detailing the events that led to Voldemort’s downfall. I swear I haven’t seen Hermione so excited. However, that’s most of what I remember. Aside from doing the occasional interview for the Daily Prophet and eating at the Burrow, I think I spent most of the time in the room I rented at the Leaky Cauldron.

My friends, of course, were worried. Told them that everything was fine and I just needed time to heal. I gradually picked up my life after that. I determined, or at least decided, to try and lead a happy life as my parents would have wanted. I’d be insulting their memory if I didn’t! A renewed hope welled up in me. The thought of maybe realizing what, until then, had been only the product of wishful thinking and dreams were finally attainable had a warm, calming effect. I can now live without having to keep looking behind my back. I can lead a normal life, or at least how normal it can get. To do the simple things that others take for granted. Simple things like going out for a walk, greeting friends at work, to have a family - to live!

I bought my own flat near the outskirts of , although Mrs. Weasley kept insisting I stay at the Burrow. I told her I’d visit often, at least once a week. That seemed to appease her. Ron was talking about a weekly gathering of friends anyway, so it wouldn’t be much trouble for me. Besides, I missed my friends and am interested with what they were planning to do in the future.

Shortly, after, I applied for Auror training. I was surprised to see Neville there. He said he wanted to do his mum and dad proud. I told him he already has. I still remember how he fought off deatheater after deatheater with the effectiveness of a seasoned veteran during the battle. All my friends fought valiantly, really, but none of them came close to Neville that day, not even Ron and Hermione. He was like a man possessed.

Hermione was livid when she heard I signed up to be an Auror. I felt as if we were back at Hogwarts and she just caught me in the middle of doing a prank. She was going on about me having my share of trouble to last a lifetime and that I should find something else to do. Something I can enjoy. She even suggested quidditch, which I found funny since she doesn’t really like the game that much. Ron was only eager to suggest I join him with the Chudley Cannons. He’d been playing for them as a reserve keeper for a couple of months. I never took up that offer. I just don’t see myself playing professionally. 

Truth is I don’t know why I signed up for Auror training. The last of the deatheaters have been rounded up. No one’s out to snuff me. There simply is no need for me to be an Auror. So why did I sign up? I guess I thought it was the only thing I can do well. In retrospect, I did it because I wanted to put a sense of direction to my life. There’s a part of me that feels lost, especially nowadays. At least when Voldemort was alive I had a goal, a direction. When I learned of the prophecy, I knew what I had to do; I knew what my future held and knew what steps to take to achieve that end. Now that ‘future’ is past, and I’m left wondering. I needed something to focus on. I needed to move on with my life like what my friends were doing. I guess I needed time to sort my thoughts and feelings. The training provided me with time to think as well as a job.

Training became rigorous with each passing day. I hardly saw people aside from Tonks, Kingsley, and ‘Mad-Eye’, not even Neville who’s supposed to be in the same compound with me. During breaks and holidays I’d try to spend time with friends, especially Hermione. I was desperately trying to work up the nerve to ask her on a date.  I never expressed how I felt about her back at Hogwarts, and I didn’t dare. I shudder to think what Voldemort would have done if he knew I loved Hermione. In this light, I am grateful Snape continued my education in occlumency during my sixth year. Voldemort continually attacked my mind the following year. Anyway, I resolved to tell her on a night I’ve been planning for weeks.

Now I ask myself why I didn’t tell her anything immediately after Voldemort’s demise. I probably wasted my chance while ‘grieving’ and ‘sorting’. Two days before I planned to tell her the truth, I went to the Burrow to celebrate Ron’s promotion to starting keeper for the Cannons. It started as it always had when we gathered there. Fred and George were throwing pranks at anybody and everybody, Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen preparing food. Everyone was having a good time chatting about their jobs and goings on. The crowd was quite large this time around. The gang from Hogwarts was there, Hermione, Luna, Neville, and Susan among others. All the Weasleys except for Percy was there. Also Ron’s teammates and others from the Order were present. The dinner was excellent as usual, and Ron stood up to make an announcement. I expected he’d brag about his new position and he did not disappoint. However, what followed I did not expect. He drew a small box from his pocket, opened it to reveal a ring and looking at Hermione asked her to marry him. I was dumbstruck. Not because he asked her but because she accepted!

To say I was dazed is an understatement. A million questions flooded into my mind. Questions like how the bloody hell did this happen? Why didn’t anyone tell me they were seeing each other? When did this begin? How could I have not seen this? A million questions that all seem so pointless now. No one there noticed how angry I felt then, a forlorn hope singeing my heart. Not even when Ron and Hermione talked to me and apologized for not telling me. Said they tried a number of times but never got to it because they thought it would alienate my friendship with them. Nobody noticed what I was going through mainly because I had a huge grin plastered to my face! It took all my effort to mask my emotions. A testament to how well Snape taught me! Of course I told them it was all right and that I was happy for them. In some way I meant that, at least they were happy. But that did little to stop the growing void in my heart. In the end I agreed to be Ron’s best man. Thankfully they won’t be married till next year. It seems they both agreed to prepare first before tying the knot. I made an excuse and left early before I lost control and start hexing them all.

I continued my training with fury. So well was my performance that I was made into a full-time Auror well ahead of time before my peers. I made the headquarters my new home. I was itching to get something to occupy my mind, to push that awful idea of Ron and Hermione away. I took and solved any case that came my way. Moody was so impressed with my concentration and work that he was seriously contemplating to take me up as an apprentice, not that I would’ve minded. There’s even a running joke about me inheriting that thing Moody calls an eye.

Tonks, however, wasn’t pleased. She cornered me one day and asked what had gotten into me. She demanded to know what the hell I was doing with my life. I couldn’t blame her for worrying. I hardly slept and ate at the time. All I had to drive me on was the work. I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with her so I did what I had to do - distract her. I flashed her a smile, that smile which many of my ‘fans’ say I could melt them with. I said everything was just peachy, and assured her that I’d take a nap after I grab a meal. I then put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her in for a quick peck on the cheek. Apparently, that did the trick. She was rooted to the ground when I made a hasty getaway.

A few more weeks passed as I became increasingly obsessed with my work. I hadn’t even bothered reading the messages now littering my office. I was knee deep in a case. The task was simple enough, identify and track down whoever was passing counterfeit galleons to the unsuspecting wizarding populace and report back to headquarters. I led a team of four, all fresh recruits. We’ve been staking out an old apartment near the docks for days waiting for a break. One night, paydirt!  The culprits were a group of out-of-school wizards. If I only knew what would happen next I wouldn’t have been so impulsive. Deciding that this’ll be a piece of cake, I signaled for the others to round the juveniles up. Chaos ensued, spells flying to and fro. Being Aurors, we eventually overpowered them, I overpowered them. I knew I was in trouble when I sent a wayward Reductor curse and exploded a wall behind two of the culprits, bricks battering their bodies from behind. It landed both of them in St. Mungos with heavy injuries. It was good luck that it wasn’t anything the medi-witches couldn’t handle.

A suspension lasting until next month was handed to me the next day for disobeying orders, recklessness, and using excessive force. No amount of fame will get me out of this one, not that I wanted to get out of this unpunished anyway. I made a mistake and I’m paying for it. Maybe it’ll be better if I cool down for awhile, get my act together.

Now I pace around my flat, restless, the reality that I lost track of my life staring back at my face. I set out to be happy and ended miserable. The future I thought I could have is gone. Sure I can just suck it all up and go on living with what fate deals me but it just wouldn’t be the same. I have no family I can call my own, my career all but tarnished, and love denied me from the only woman I can ever imagine to spend my life with. All I have are memories with no vision of the future.

I’ve taken to looking at my parent’s picture more and more these days. They look so happy. Will I ever find happiness such as they’ve found? Will it be even possible with my memories haunting me with depression? At times I am tempted to just end it all; but no. In my heart I do not want to die. I want to live. I want to be enraptured with the thought of a new day. If only I knew how. If only there was a way to start anew…

…but there is a way!

Harry snapped awake from his thoughts. With renewed purpose he went to the kitchen and ate his first meal in days. He needed his strength. He knew he had to make preparations. It’s been awhile, and now he knew exactly what to do.

End Prologue

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Author’s Note

The prologue was written with Harry’s POV in mind. I tried depicting how a sleep-deprived, possibly famished, and emotionally spent Harry would muse and talk to himself. And before you ask, no, I do not know what it feels like to not eat and sleep for a few days nor have I tried to - it’s all fib(ed). I’ll leave it all up to you, the reader, to figure things out why certain paragraphs and sentences in this bit seem rough, incomplete and worded in some ways.

            I apologize if some of you who find this piece short (it is, in my opinion). It used to be longer but I made cuts and left out only those that would serve the purpose of this prologue. The first chapter will be considerably lengthier.

            This’ll be an H/Hr fic eventually, nothing against the R/Hr and H/G crowd. I’ll just wait for the sixth and seventh books to see what ships develop. For now I’ll stick with H/Hr.

            Oh and before I forget, I’ve noticed that the majority of fanfics on the net don’t give Neville much credit so I’ve decided to do him justice here. Expect him to make an appearance in the future.

            All reviews are always welcome. Thank you for reading.