Torn

DISCLAIMER: Alright, as usual none of this belongs to me, save for the characters Petra, Collins and Weber. Oh, and as for Didi and Gogo, they're nick names from the play “waiting for godot”. Good stuff, you should check it out. The title for this chapter is a song from Bright Eyes.

A/N: Right, well, I thought this was too long so I've divided it up into two chapters. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, I'm glad people are liking this so far. Let me know what you think.

*******

She was dreaming again. That meant the potion she took didn't work. Again. Madame Pomfrey had to have something stronger than this, and she would make sure that first thing in the morning she would take a trip to the infirmary. But first, she had to wake up. Her surroundings shifted and changed, and she now found herself not in a dark hallway, but in the comfort of the common room. She sat in one of the arm chairs, a book in her hand, and she warmed her toes by the fire. “It's not real. He's just fooling you. None of this is real,” she said aloud.

Glancing down at the book in her lap displayed truth to her thoughts, for the title and even the colour of the book seemed blurred. “He must not have thought that to be important.” A pity. For a good book would have been the ultimate stress reliever at a time like this. Then again why would he even bother to hand her a form of relief when the utmost perfect form of comfort kneeled at her feet right at that moment?

“It's not real.”

“Are you sure?” the deep voice sounded, and Hermione swallowed hard at the effect a copy of his voice had on her.

She jumped to her feet, and lifted her skirts, ready to bolt to her chambers and away from his prying eyes roaming her trembling form.

Wait.

Skirt?

Chambers?

She looked down at herself, and indeed found that instead of her normal practical uniform, she found a silk, almost gossamer gown on. “Oh, you are such a fool,” she muttered to herself as she forced her racing thoughts to slow, and settled her mind on the danger and reality of the moment. Immediately her garments shifted and transformed back into sensible and more familiar clothing.

Hermione took a deep steady breath refusing to look up at the object of her utmost desire. She steeled herself from throwing caution to the wind and flinging herself onto the young man standing before her. No matter that he had just now stepped forward. No matter that his arms were now wrapping themselves around her waist. No matter that she could feel his eyes boring into her, delving with deep strokes. No matter that she could feel his fingers now caressing the hollow in her neck. Now slowly trace a path up the smooth column. Her breath caught as he pulled her closer to him, moulding her body to his.

“It's not him.”

She turned her head to the side, and shut her eyes.

“Look at me,” the young man who looked, sounded and felt like Harry whispered to her in an anguished voice. “Hermione.”

“No.”

“I love you, Hermione.”

“Stop it.”

“It's always been you.”

She could feel herself giving in, though her mind seemed to scream at her to stop, to push him away, to wake up. She let out a breath and faced him. Green eyes filled her vision, and he leaned his forehead against hers.

“What do you want from me?” she pleaded in a quiet voice.

“Oh, Hermione,” Harry's voice murmured. His lips twisted into a feral grin that looked foreign on his features. “You know exactly,” he continued as his form shifted and melted away to be replaced with an all too familiar figure. Hermione went cold as she felt his hand wrap around her neck in a tight possessive grip. “What I want,” the Dark Lord finished.

And her mouth opened to let out a scream.

Her eyes flew open and she gasped, her hand at her throat. Hermione laid there, her eyes staring at the dark curtains surrounding her bed. She could still feel his arms around her. His breath on her face. His lips murmuring in her ear. Her stomach churned and her chest rose and fell with deep shuddering gasps.

Suddenly with a strangled cry she bolted from her bed, threw open her curtains and raced to the washroom, shutting the door behind her. A muttered “Silencio” sounded and the muffled sounds of one sick didn't escape through the cracks of the locked door. Tears streamed down her face as she jumped into the shower and proceeded to scrub every trace of him off her. “Let me go. Please let me go,” she sobbed as she scrubbed at her neck furiously.

A sudden pressure built within her until it became too unbearable to hold. With a sudden gasp, a torrent of anger and frustration exploded within her and she screamed.

Once.

Twice.

Gasping and covering her face with her hands, she leaned against the wall and let the water beat over her.

****

She couldn't go back to sleep. Well, actually she wasn't sure if ever wanted to go back to sleep so she crept through the room and fumbled in the darkness for her robe. After a few failed attempts, she sighed angrily and pulled out her wand. “Oh, this is ridiculous. Lumos.” She put on her robe, and as an after thought, picked up a book. This time however, the title was clearly set in bold letters before her and she nodded to herself, satisfied.

Whilst in the hallway, she paused outside the door of Ginny's dorm. Hermione needed to talk to someone. She needed to tell someone and Ginny looked to be the best candidate at the moment, but what would she say? Voldemort was in her head driving her insane in hopes to get at Harry? No, she couldn't worry the poor girl over that. But what about her feelings for a certain raven haired boy? Hermione shook her head. If Ginny would ever ask, she would gladly tell because it wouldn't do to have these feelings fester up inside her without an outlet to vent upon. In fact, never mind waiting for Ginny. I'll talk to her in the morning. I've had enough of this rubbish already. That decided she made her way to the stairs.

Once she reached the first landing Hermione was surprised to hear that she wasn't the only one awake.

“I don't need Ginny's blessing,” Ron sounded.

“Then what's stopping you?”

Hermione froze at the sound of Harry's voice. The images of her dream suddenly resurfaced for a moment before she took control and forced them down with an indignant lift of her head.

“Dunno. It's complicated, I guess.”

“What's so hard about it? All you have to do is go up to her and say, `Hey, Luna. Wanna come to Hogsmead for some butterbeers and a shag?'”

Hermione shook her head ruefully. She didn't even have to peer over the railing to know that Ron was bright red, ears and all. Laughter and muffled thumps were heard and she could picture Ron throwing whatever he could get his hands on at Harry.

“You think that's funny, eh? What about Hermione?”

Before she could embarrass herself or Harry, she allowed her presence to be known by stepping forward and voicing her thoughts.

“What about Hermione?”

The boys looked up and Ron grinned sheepishly.

“Nothing.”

Hermione raised her eyebrow at him, and in turn he made a show of fussing with his robes.

“What are you doing up?” Harry asked.

She turned to him, and sat herself beside Ron.

“I should ask the same of you two.”

Harry raised his potions essay and Ron muttered something about not being able to sleep.

“Dare I ask that your insomnia is due to a certain blonde witch?”

Ron shrugged, not looking her in the eye. “She's my sister's friend. Wouldn't Ginny feel, I dunno, weird and all?”

Hermione placed her hand on his arm. “I'm sure Ginny would be fine, Ron. She'd be happy for you both. Just ask Luna. There's no harm in trying.”

“Tell you what, the trip to Hogsmead is tomorrow. Talk to her today at breakfast and since you're a thick headed prat, Hermione and I will meet you in the Three Broomsticks just in case you screw anything up,” Harry offered.

“Yeah thanks, Harry.” Ron said dryly before looking from one to the other and asking, “So what's this, a double date?”

“Only if she wants it to be,” Harry said with a look at Hermione.

There was a heart beat of silence, and Ron coughed awkwardly. Hermione's cheeks grew pink as she hurriedly said, “Don't be daft. Of course not.”

Harry only smiled at this and turned to her.

“So, what's your story?”

“What?”

“Yeah, Hermione. I mean it's good to know that Harry and I aren't the only ones crazy enough to be up and about at such an ungodly hour, but why aren't you asleep? I thought you went to bed ages ago.”

“Oh, I -I just had a bad dream. It's nothing to worry about.”

“You want to talk about it?” Harry asked.

She shook her head. “No. No really, it's alright. I think it just might be stress from school and all.”

“Are you sure?” Ron looked worriedly at her.

“Positive.”

She fidgeted under Harry's scrutinizing gaze, but relaxed when he nodded. Ron stood and stretched.

“Well, I'm starved. Can I borrow your cloak, mate?”

“You're going to the kitchens now?” Hermione asked.

“Of course. Where else will I grab a bite to eat?”

“But it's four thirty in the morning, Ron. The house-elves should be fast asleep.”

“No they're not.”

“And how would you know tha-… Ron Weasley! Do not tell me that you sneak into the kitchens every morning and wake the poor house-elves to feed your appetite.”

“Course not,” Hermione almost let out a sigh of relief until Ron continued, “not every morning.”

“Ron!”

“I'm a big guy, Hermione. It takes a lot to keep me going.”

“But at four thirty in the morning?!”

“It's not like they're sleeping.”

Hermione opened her mouth to answer, but Harry interrupted her before she could go on, “They're really not. Really, Hermione. It's as if the little buggers run on batteries or something. Ron and I have been down there some nights and every time they're always awake.”

Hermione opened her mouth and closed it, not quite sure what to say so instead she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Just, just don't get caught alright?”

Ron stood and grinned, “That's what Harry's cloak is for.” He dashed up the stairs and came back down in a flash. Swishing the cloak around him, he waited expectantly.

“Well, are you two coming or not?”

“You cannot be serious.”

“What? We haven't run `round the castle under this thing in ages.”

“Yes, there's a reason for that Ron. We were younger then and noticeably smaller,” she answered, looking pointedly at him.

Harry stood.

“You're going?” she asked him.

“Come on, you can't expect him to carry everything himself.” Harry said, holding out his hand to her.

She looked at it.

“Harry, I'm head girl.”

“And Ron's a starving prefect. Now set a good example, Hermione and sneak into the kitchens to feed a hungry friend.”

Hermione looked at Harry as if he was insane and said, “That is the most ludicrous logic I have ever heard.”

In answer to Harry's statement Ron's stomach growled loudly.

“Are you coming or not?” Ron asked.

Hermione huffed and ignored Harry's hand.

“You're both impossible.”

She grasped the cloak from Ron and draped it over the three of them.

“You're going to have to move in a bit, mate,” Ron said to Harry, and he obliged somewhat grudgingly by pressing himself closer to him and wrapping his arm around both of his friends.

“I can see your legs, Ron.”

“That's because you're underneath the cloak, stupid.”

Harry elbowed Ron's side.

“No, crouch or your legs will be showing.”

“You too Harry. Are we all set? Alright, let's go,” Hermione said.

Somehow, in the state they were in: crouched, pressed against each other and in a tangle of arms, they managed to climb through the portrait hole.

“That was fairly easy,” Hermione said.

“Easy? You're walking upright,” Ron said indignantly.

“Yes, well, if you weren't so tall, Ron then you wouldn't have too much trouble would you?”

“Oh, I'll just stop growing then!”

They hobbled forward; Harry often brushing himself up against Ron and vice versa.

“This is uncomfortable,” Harry remarked and Hermione, who was on Ron's left, bit back her laughter.

“Yeah, well. It's not a walk in the park for me either, mate.”

“Would you two be quiet? Harry, give me some light. I can't see the map…okay it's clear.”

They hobbled.

“Wait! Wait! Professor Flitwick is coming around the bend…alright let's go.”

They hobbled some more.

“Now I know why we haven't done this in ages,” Harry whispered.

“Hey, you said you were hungry too.”

“Well the three of us didn't all have to go.”

“Stop complaining, and crouch a bit more. Your legs are showing,” Hermione whispered.

Harry cursed and they heard his knees crack.

“That didn't sound healthy,” Ron said.

Harry stared daggers at the shadow that was his best friend and said two words that Ron wouldn't have minded repeating had Hermione not shushed them both.

“Alright, we're here. Let me tickle the pear,” Hermione said.

Ron made a noise that sounded like a strangled laugh.

“Oh, honestly, Ron. Grow up!”

“Sorry.”

She reached out towards the bowl of fruit. With the deed done and the three of them safely in the kitchens, the boys stood upright, tossing the cloak off them. Many house-elves blinked at their sudden appearance, but some acted as if three people suddenly materializing wasn't completely out of the ordinary.

There was a squeal of delight.

“Oh, right. Dobby,” Harry muttered before a small, sock wearing and pointy projectile hurtled itself at him, knocking him over.

“Harry Potter, sir! Dobby has not seen you in such a long time, sir. Dobby is wondering when you would come, sir.”

“You, er, look good Dobby.”

Dobby flashed Harry a smile and looked proudly at his outfit. “Dobby has bought every single garment himself, sir. Even the hat, sir.”

Ron stooped to pick up Dobby's hat, and the elf thanked him with a bow.

Two of house elves eyed the three of them warily as they hurriedly went on their work. One even squealed in fright when Hermione smiled encouragingly at them.

“What's wrong with some of the elves, Dobby?”

Dobby glanced behind him at the two especially weary looking house elves. “Oh Didi and Gogo means no harm, sir. `Tis just a bad experience Didi and Gogo has with wizards in Hogwarts, Harry Potter.”

Hermione's eyes turned from the two elves, and rested on Dobby. Her troubled look turned threatening. “Are any students bothering the house-elves, Dobby?”

There was a dangerous glint in her eye, and Ron worriedly wondered if S.P.E.W. would be making a rather nasty comeback this year.

“Oh, no, miss. Never, miss. It happened one month ago but Didi and Gogo never forgets, miss. Didi and Gogo still works hard, but Didi and Gogo never forgets. No house-elf ever forgets, miss.”

An elf came up to them with a silver platter filled with biscuits and three cups of tea.

“Thanks. What won't they forget, Dobby?” Ron asked.

Dobby looked up at him with his very large, very green eyes.

“ 'Tis Bad wizards that has come to Hogwarts, sir”

*****

“I thought you said no one could apparate into Hogwarts?” Ron said thickly.

The three of them were now back in the common room, seated on the floor surrounded by food. Hermione picked up a cream cake and nibbled on it.

“It's true. What I don't understand is how they got in here without getting caught.”

“You sure, Dobby's right? I mean he is a bit, well you know, not all there.”

Hermione gave Ron a look. “Gogo and Didi looked awfully uncomfortable, Ron and I seriously doubt that Dobby would lie about anything like that.”

Harry swallowed and grabbed another pastry. “You think this has anything to do with the missing students?” he asked them.

At this, Hermione's head snapped up.

“What missing students?”

“You haven't heard?”

“Would I be asking such a question if I have?”

“There's been some students disappearing over the past couple of months. I thought you knew this. It's been going all over the school.”

Hermione shook her head, clearly dumbfounded at this piece of news.

“No, Professor McGonagall never told me anything about that. I mean, she did tell me to be more alert during my rounds, but I thought that the extra guard was needed because of Voldemort.”

Ron cringed at the mention of the Dark Lord's name.

“I'm surprised you didn't even catch on or hear anything around the halls. It's not like you, Hermione,” he said.

Hermione looked off into the dark corners of the room, a far away look in her eyes.

“My mind's been preoccupied lately,” she said quietly.

“I'm going to the kitchens, maybe I can talk to Didi or Gogo tomorrow,” Harry said.

“If you can even get close enough without them screaming their heads off and cursing you to oblivion. Besides, Dobby said that they didn't even see much. Didi was stunned before he could get a good look, and Gogo only saw shadows,” said Ron in between bites.

“Who was taken?” Hermione asked.

“They're all girls. I don't really know much of them. Er, I think Emma Dobbs and Orla Quirke were the oldest.”

“There's a Gryffindor missing and I didn't know?” Hermione said, aghast.

“Actually there's two. Petra was first.”

“Petra Manalo?”

“You know her?”

“I…I helped her find her class in the beginning of the year.”

Harry and Ron didn't know what to say. The room was cast in a spell of silence. Hermione looked at the food and her stomach churned, now having lost her appetite. Her mind raced.

“When was Petra taken?” she asked suddenly.

“A bit after Christmas break.”

Her heart stopped.

“Hermione? Hey, are you okay? Ron get her some water! Hermione. Hermione!”

Hermione blinked. “I'm…I'm fine. Harry, no, stop, I'm alright. I'm just- I'm just surprised…” she lied.

Oh my goodness.

“Are you sure? You looked like you were going to faint a minutes ago,” Harry asked, his eyes tinged with worry. Ron hovered over her. Hermione nodded and pushed the water Ron held out to her. Her face set, she looked at the two of them.

“We need to find out how they got in the castle.”

“We'll do that in the morning. We'll talk to Didi and Gogo, and I reckon Dobby might know a bit more. We can check in the library too. There's gotta be a spell or something, but,” Ron said, yawning. “right now, I'm going to sleep. You coming, Harry?”

Harry looked at Hermione who was staring off in the distance.

“Yeah, er, I'll be up in a minute.”

Hermione sat on the couch.

“Aren't you going up?” she asked him when they were alone.

“Aren't you?” he said.

“I'm not tired yet.”

“Well neither am I.”

Hermione lay on the couch, her head resting on her arm. Harry stared up at her. Her eyes glowed in the firelight, and her hair cast shadows over her face.

“Harry?”

Harry blinked.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think they're alright?”

Harry swallowed.

No, he didn't.

“I dunno, Hermione.”

She looked at him searchingly.

“It's not your fault.”

Harry laughed bitterly, but didn't answer. She knew him all too well. She swallowed a yawn.

“Go upstairs, Hermione.”

“Not without you. I will not leave you here alone to wallow in self pity.”

“I'm not going to wallow in self pity,” Harry said, amused, but Hermione only gave him a look that said: `I know you.'

“You look tired,” he said gently.

“Well I'm not,” she answered and soon after betrayed her words by yawning.

Harry sighed and stood up. He went over to the couch, took her in his arms and laid her head in his lap.

“What are you doing?”

“Putting you to sleep.”

“I'm not a child, Harry.”

“Well you're acting like one. Now close your eyes.”

She obliged and soon felt his fingers stroking her forehead soothingly.

“Please don't tell me that you're going to start singing.”

“Do you want me to sing?”

At this she opened her eyes and looked up at him. A ghost of a smile clung to her lips.

“You know, I don't think that I've ever heard you sing before.”

“Will you sleep if I do?” he asked.

“Will you stop blaming yourself if I do?”

“Fair enough.”

Hermione settled herself against him. A comfortable silence filled the room.

She closed her eyes.

When Harry started humming her face cracked into a smile.

“Hermione,” he said exasperatedly.

“I'm trying!”

They were silent. Harry continued to absentmindedly stroke her forehead. He started humming again and she stifled a laugh.

“Do you have a problem with my humming?”

“No, no. I'm sorry. Do continue.”

Harry chuckled but did as he was told. She didn't know if it was his voice, his soothing motions or if it was just because she was just plain tired, but Hermione soon found herself falling asleep.

“Harry?” she whispered sleepily.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing's going to change between us, right?”

“Not unless you want it to.”

She hesitated before continuing,

“And you… you don't regret it, do you?”

Harry paused and looked down at her, knowing exactly what it was.

“No.”

“Hmm,” she yawned. “Neither do I.”

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