Four Little Words

Chapter Thirteen

"We need a break."

The words echoed in the frozen air.

Lily stared at him, blankly.

James stared at her, blankly.

"Excuse me?" Lily said, finally. "We need a break?"

James continued to stare at her, in complete shock at what came out of his mouth. And yet...in some sort of way...it started making sense to him...

After a few seconds, Lily cleared her throat. "Don't you mean, ‘Marry me, Lily' or ‘Be my wife, Lily' or something like that?" Lily said, brushing his cheek gently.

James took her hand and moved it away from his face. She suddenly felt very cold.

"I thought I was but..."

"But what?" she snapped.

"But, Lily, I've been trying to ask you for the past month," James shook his head, the words pouring out of his mouth by themselves, as his mind wasn't working. "And if it's taken me a month to get this far, and then something like that slips out, don't you think that means something?"

"It means you're scared James," Lily said, a definite note of panic in her voice. "It doesn't mean that we need to stop seeing each other-"

"I think it does," James sighed, standing up and looking down at her. "I'm not saying that we should break it off permanently, but...I don't know if what I'm feeling is true love, or if you're the first girl to ever..."

"Ever what?" she asked, her temper flaring.

"If you're the first girl I fell in love with, it doesn't necessarily mean you're the girl I should marry, and maybe that's what's been happening."

"So what, you want to go out looking for that girl that you want to marry?" Lily asked, incredulous. "What if you're the only man I want to marry? What about that?"

"Lily, don't you want to see what it's like with other men?" James asked. "You've never been with any other guy, don't you wanna-"

"No!" Lily exclaimed, feeling near tears. "I only want you!"

"I just think...I think it's best that we just not see each other for a bit."

"That's going to be sort of hard since we live together," Lily hissed at him.

"I'll move out," James said. "I'll move in with Sirius, and-"

"Don't bother," Lily stood up. "You can sit here and go find that other girl you want to marry and I'll just...well, I-I don't know where I'll go, but I'll go there..." She was about to say ‘go home,' but she had no home to go to...

"Lily-" James said, reaching out for her, but she yanked her hand away and continued walking out of sight.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter (who had decided to stop by out of guilt a few minutes after James and Lily had left) stared at him, stupidly for a good few minutes.

Remus was the first to stand, going to the couch to pick up his coat.

"Where're you going?" James asked, quietly.

"I'm going to go find Lily," Remus said, tersely.

"Why?" James asked.

"Well, I don't think it'll do her much good to spend the night on a bench in the park, now will it?" Remus said, putting on his scarf as well.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"She's obviously not coming home, and she doesn't have a house to go to, so I want to make sure she's got somewhere to sleep tonight."

"D-Don't you want to stay here and-" James asked, a bit hurt.

"Honestly, James, I'm too amazed at your complete lack of common sense to talk to you right now," Remus said, walking to the door. "However, I'm going to do my best to be ambassador and try to fix this mess you seem to have gotten yourself in."

"Well...I'm really serious," James said, nodding.

"Sure you are," Remus said, shaking his head. "Seriously insane." He opened the door and walked out, and they heard him muttering darkly as he walked down the hallway.

"Padfoot..." James said, looking to him for guidance. Sirius sighed heavily and gave James a reassuring smile.

"As much as...well...you love her..." He put his hand on James' shoulder. "I think that somewhere in that head, you're making some sense. I think it would be good if you guys took a break...."

"Really?" James asked, as if he was hinging on Sirius' words.

"I think that you need to go out and find a new girl, James," Sirius said nodding, And then you'll realize what kind of a girl that you were lucky enough to find and then you'll marry her and have twenty fat babies for me to spoil.

"So...should we go tonight?"

Why not? Sirius thought. Better he figure it out sooner than later. "Let's go."

"Now?!" Peter squeaked.

"I mean, it's not good to deny your subconscious, mate," Sirius shook his head. "So, why don't you and I, and Pete, here, go out and get drunk. You haven't ever been able to do that, have you? Go out to a bar and get shitfaced, hm?"

James shook his head, glumly.

"And we'll go out and find you a new girl, hm?" Sirius offered.

"Ok," James nodded, suddenly feeling quite free. "Let me go get my coat."

Once James was out of sight in the bedroom, Sirius made a violent gesture in mid-air.

"Ok, Prongs," Sirius laughed, pulling him away from a pole he was talking to. "For future reference, you are supposed to go to a bar and then get drunk, not the other way around."

James stumbled towards the dance floor and peered around. They were on the second floor of a bar, and there were people grooving to the tunes below him. He wondered what everyone was pointing at and looked up, but could see nothing except a shiny ball that glittered. He wondered what it would taste like and tried to grab it.

"Hold on, there, Prongs," Sirius grabbed him before he went careening over the side. "Here, have another drink."

"Mm!" James said, taking it like a child would take a toy.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Peter asked, looking around.

"Of course it isn't," Sirius said, over the music but so James couldn't hear. "But it's the only way to get James to realize that Lily's the only girl for him."

"Oh!" James pointed. "I want to shag her!" He pointed to a red head on the other side of the balcony who was sipping on a drink with her blonde friend.

"No, James," Sirius said, putting his hand on James's shoulder. "You can't shag her."

"Why not?" James asked, pouting.

"Because...erm...no more red-heads for you!" he said, finally.

James pondered this. "I'll take the blonde one then," he said, leaving Sirius behind.

"This is a bad idea..." Peter whimpered.

Sirius grabbed another drink and downed it in one gulp. "I'll say I'm drunk, then I can blame it on you and your lack of conviction."

With that, he followed James over to the two girls.

Remus was not surprised to find Lily curled up on a bench someways away from where James had left her. Nor was he surprised to find her sobbing her little green eyes out. He sat down next to her and held out a tissue.

"I'm n-not c-crying because of h-him..." Lily shook her head. "I'm c-crying b-because I w-w-w- want my M-M-Mummy and I w-want to go h-h-home..." She sobbed. "I h-have n-no where to g- g-g-go... my s-sister h-hates m-me..." She fell into pitiful chokes. "I-I went to her h-house and she s-shut the d-d-d-door in my face!"

Remus held out his arms and she fell into them, clinging to him.

"I've n-never lived on my own b-before," she sniffed, holding on. "I'm sc-cared...."

"Come over to my flat, then? You can spend the night tonight, if you want." Lily nodded, childlike. "But first," Remus said, lifting her chin. "You need to calm down, all right?"

She nodded again, but her chest was heaving and she couldn't seem to get it to stop. Remus held her close to him and rocked her back and forth, comforting her until she calmed down enough to be able to Apparate to his house.

Once they arrived, Remus wasted no time in making her feel at home. He pulled out blankets and pillows and offered her some of his night clothes for her to sleep in. When she was getting changed, he put on a pot of tea.

"You look like you're five," Remus chuckled, handing her a cup. Even though he was small build, his pajamas were too long and too big for her. Lily sniffled and took the cup, shuffling over to his couch and sitting down on it, drawing the blankets around her.

"Thank you," she whispered, sipping the tea.

Remus sat down beside her and drank at his own cup, thinking to himself quietly. "You know, in the morning, James is going to realize what an idiot he was being and beg for your forgiveness."

"Do you really think so?" Lily asked.

"And, I think in the morning, you're probably going to feel very embarrassed that you made such a fuss..."

"You're probably right," Lily nodded, putting her cup down and leaning against him. "How is it that you're so gracious and he's such an idiot and yet the two of you are still friends?"

"Wonders of nature, I suppose," Remus shrugged. "I'd wager tomorrow you two are back at your own apartment."

"And hopefully engaged," Lily snorted.

"Yes, hopefully engaged," Remus nodded.

"I dig your hair," cooed the blonde girl with green eyes while James drunkenly stripped her. As long as he kept staring at her eyes, he could pretend it was Lily and shag her guilt free. Maybe she could give him a back massage.

"Lily hates it," James said. The girl rolled her eyes.

"That's your answer to everything isn't it?" she asked. "Lily this, and Lily that. I probably know more about your ex-girlfriend than her own family."

"They're dead," James said, mechanically. The girl rolled her eyes.

Sirius was quite busy with her friend in the living room so as to give James his bed. They had spent an hour schmoozing and drinking a great deal (at which point they had lost Peter) when Sirius announced that he wanted to bring the two back up to his flat for a good time. Unfortunately, when left alone, all James was talking about was Lily.

"So who is this girl who you are infatuated with and why aren't you with her right now?"

"She's my girlfriend...or ex-girlfriend, I guess. I really don't know," he rambled on, flinging off her bra. He was acting quite coherent for being completely drunk. "I'd been trying to get her to marry me for the past month-"

"Turned you down?" she asked, smiling.

"No, I couldn't say it. So finally, I just told her that we should go on a break, and that was tonight-" James sat up sitting up and fiddling with his own pants. He was having trouble undoing his button, because his vision was blurry.

"Wait a minute," she sat up. "You mean to tell me that you told your girlfriend that you should have a break and then you're already shagging another girl?"

"Yeah..." he said, finally undoing the button and getting up to shrug his pants and boxers off. He ended up falling over but getting back up, completely unclothed. He headed back up to see her, stumbling a few times on the bed.

"Look," she sat up. "I don't think you want to do this tonight."

"Why not?" he asked, blinking.

"You still love her," she said, pushing him down on the bed. "Don't you?"

"I love her," he said, clinging to her chest. "I love her, I love her, I love her..."

"So why don't you go to sleep and when you wake up you can go marry her?" the girl said, finding herself trapped in his iron grip.

"Mm...marry...honeymoon...chocolate cream..." James mumbled.

"She's a lucky girl, though," the girl sighed, patting James on the head blankly. "Even if you are a horribly misguided man."

James was already passed out.

Lily awoke on the couch and stretched lazily. She was feeling much better than she did last night; mostly due to a talk with Remus about what an idiot James was being. He had told her that most likely, James would come crawling back on his hands and knees and they would be engaged in about five seconds.

"He's just scared," Remus had said. "He's scared that what he feels for you might not be true love, even though it obviously is."

"So...you think he'll apologize?" Lily asked.

"I know he'll apologize," Remus smiled.

Said perfect male was already gone, probably to work, but he had left an attempted breakfast on the counter for her. As she tossed the burnt eggs and toast, she wondered how on earth he made it everyday on his own.

Dressing in her clothes from last night, she left a thank you note for Remus and decided to Apparate home, hoping that James was there and they could talk. Even if he didn't want to apologize, she wanted to negotiate their relationship, because she sure as hell wasn't going to give up that easily.

"James?" she called, after appearing in their kitchen. She searched the house and saw no James in bed nor any sign that he had been there in the last few hours. A bit miffed at this, she walked next door to see if Sirius knew where he was.

"Well, hello Sirius," Lily blinked. She had seen him before, naked, but it didn't cease to shock her every time she saw it. Not to mention that he was with a red-headed lady friend, which sort of freaked her out a bit. She hoped that Sirius never had any feelings for her, but...still...

Deciding that they both could catch their death of cold lying on the ground, naked and uncovered, she headed to his bedroom to drag the comforter off of the bed to cover them up with. She opened the door and her hand fell from the knob.

"You....son of a...." She managed to get out before incoherent raging stuttering. All she could see was her supposed boyfriend lying in the arms of some blonde floozy (who, she noticed, was a bigger buxom than she), and with the stupidest, happiest grin on his face.

Lily, in her rage, walked over to the bed and yanked James out of it onto the floor by his arm. He fell with a thump and Lily stood over him, seething in anger.

James, after his rude awakening, was severely disoriented. Flashes of the night before were going through his head, but he couldn't string them together to form what had happened. Now, he knew that he was definitely naked and Lily was definitely angry.

"So I suppose ‘break' to you means fucking the nearest whore you can get your hands on!" Lily spat at him.

"What?" James cringed, his head pounding.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me!" Lily cried. "I thought that you were being a prat, like normal, and just needed a night to think things over, not to go screw some girl you picked up off the street."

"Stop yelling!" James yelled back at her. "My head hurts."

"Well, my heart hurts, you stupid...insufferable....PIECE OF SHIT!!!" Lily shrieked, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. "Forget it, we're through, FOREVER!"

She turned on her heel and marched back out of the room. James grabbed the sheet from the bed and wrapped it around his waist, running after her.

"Lily, Baby, wait-"

"Don't you dare call me that!" she said, whirling around at him in the middle of Sirius' living room. "I thought I knew you, Potter, but apparently, you're still the horny little bastard who eavesdropped on my personal thoughts so you could land me in bed that you were in sixth year!"

"Oi!" James growled. "I did not do that to land you in bed!"

"You expect me to believe that after you go out and screw another girl five minutes after you say ‘we should go on a break'? What's the matter? Was I not sexy," she hit him hard on the shoulder, "enough for you? You never complained-"

"I don't even remember her-"

"I'm sure," Lily said, turning and storming back into her apartment. James hoisted up the blanket and followed her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm moving out!" Lily yelled back at him. "Now you can go back and screw her in our bed, and guess what, you can do it guilt free!"

"You're being so immature about this!" James said, letting his mouth get the better of him. "I said we were on a break!"

"Forgive me, then, if I loved you more than going out and sleeping with someone else," Lily said, pulling cardboard boxes out of the closet (that had been there since they moved in) and packing up her personal belongings.

"Just because I spent the night with her doesn't mean I love her, Lily-"

"Well, it sure means you don't love me," she stormed into the bedroom and flung a suitcase on the bed.

"I don't love you when you're being a spoiled brat!" James yelled. Lily halted in her packing and whirled around to face him.

"You stand there and tell me that when I have been nothing less than supportive of you when you were being a dick-"

"What do you mean, supportive?" James said. "You never gave a rat's arse about me until I changed to be who you wanted me to be!"

"Maybe we really should break up then," Lily said, zipping up her suitcase with as many clothes as she could fit in there. "As you seem to think that the way you were was attractive to anyone!"

"You never know," James huffed. "It might be."

"It's not to me," Lily slammed the suitcase on the ground and rolled it out into the living room where her boxes lay.

"Well, then, maybe we weren't really in love then," James glared at her.

"Maybe we weren't," Lily said pulling out her keys. "You can take this stupid key and shove it up your arse where your head is!" She stormed to the door and slammed it shut after her.

"Bite me, you bitch!" James barked after her. He stared at the key for a minute and then threw it against the wall, angrily.