A/N: This is definitely the most heartbreaking thing I've written, I couldn't stop crying once I finished. This is also my favorite thing I've written so far and I hope that it will make you feel something the way it did for me. Please leave a comment when you're done, all feed back is greatly appreciated. Above all else, just enjoy the story.
A special thanks goes out to H_HrFan for making the wonderful suggestion that I put this song to a story and believing that I could do a song as beautiful as this justice. If you like this when you're done, you need to go read her story I Love You More. Very beautiful.
Also, I would like to dedicate this story to a young girl I knew that was killed by a drunken driver this past summer. It was a terrible tragedy, and may God bless her soul always and forever.
Always and Forever
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing
Hello
I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday
- 'Hello' by Evanescence
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, I've got something to tell you!" yelled Carly Potter, running into the house with a big smile on her face. Behind her was Hermione, looking like all she wanted to do was sleep for hours.
"What is it honey?" asked Harry, walking out of the kitchen to meet his daughter. She ran over and jumped up into his arms, and he spun her around in a big circle before settling down on the couch with her on his lap.
"I'm going to take a nap." Hermione yawned. "I tell you Harry, I don't know where she gets that energy!"
"Okay, sleep as long as you like." Hermione kissed him and Carly on the cheek and walked into the bedroom. Turning back to his daughter, Harry said "Did you give your mother a hard time at the park?"
"I don't know. I was having a lot of fun and I don't think mommy could keep up. She sat and read her knew book." Carly answered truthfully, looking up at him.
"Well, I don't think your mom has quite as much energy as you. You've got to promise to go easy on her, okay?"
"Okay daddy. I was just having some fun." Carly said, nestling herself further into her father's lap. "Sorry."
"Don't worry about it sweetie." he said, stroking her hair softly. "Now what was your big news?"
"Oh, I almost forgot!" she exclaimed, sitting back up and launching herself into an animated description of the bunny she had chased at the park, not leaving one detail untold. Harry watched her intently and "oohed" and "awwed" at all the right parts, a big smile on his face as he watched his baby girl.
'She truly is his daughter.' thought Hermione from the door frame where she had been watching them. There was nothing Harry liked better than listening to one of Carly's stories and she was more than glad to tell them to him. They were inseparable.
"Okay Miss Talkative, I think it's somebody's bedtime." Hermione said, walking over to the sofa and starting to herd Carly into her bedroom to get her pajamas on. "Honestly, when do you breathe when you go on like that!"
"I like talking to daddy." she stated simply. "He listens real good."
"I know honey. Your daddy enjoys your stories more than anything."
"Come on Carly, I'll give you a piggy-back ride!" Harry exclaimed, coming up from behind and swinging her into his arms. Hermione just sat back and watched them as they spun like a helicopter all the way to the door.
Once she was ready for bed Harry came in to say goodnight. "I love you sweet heart." he said, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"Guess when I love you daddy!" she asked, and when he shrugged she said, "Always and forever!"
"Always and forever." he repeated before he turned off her light.
The next morning, Carly came bounding into the kitchen, almost spilling Harry's cup of coffee as she jumped onto his lap.
"Guess what today is daddy!" she giggled loudly, smiling so broadly he could see every one of her teeth.
"I don't know honey, you'll have to tell me. I've plum forgot."
"Daddy, how could you forget my first day of kindygarten!" she said, looking up at him. "Are you going to drive me like you said?"
"You bet honey. Just let me finish my coffee. Do you have all your stuff packed up?"
"I've had it packed up since last week! School is very important you know."
"My, well you are your mother's daughter. Okay, why don't you go get it all?"
"Okay!" she yelled happily, jumping down from his lap and running into her bedroom at top speed.
"Hermione, could you come here a minute?" Harry asked, gulping down his coffee so he would be ready in time.
"What is it Harry?" she asked, coming out of the den and into the kitchen.
"Are you sure about this whole primary school thing? I'm not sure it's good to send her off to school when she's only five." he asked, apprehension covering his face.
"Harry, we're hardly 'sending her off ' to school. It's only six hours a day. Nothing is going to happen to her. I promise."
"Are you sure it's safe and everything? Something could very easily happen."
"Harry, everything will be perfectly fine." she assured him, and he bent down to give her a kiss. At just that moment, Carly came bounding back into the room, back pack filled to the brim with every book she and her mother had picked.
"Ready daddy!" she exclaimed, practically jumping in her place.
"Okay sweetie. Let's go. See you later honey." he said giving Hermione another quick kiss and allowing Carly to do the same. He rounded her up into the car and they set off.
Once they reached her school, she leapt out of the car and Harry had to almost run to catch up with her. He stopped her before she got to the door and got down on one knee so they were at eye level. "You're sure you want to go?" When she nodded her head vigorously he continued. "Okay. Calm down!" he said, noticing that she still couldn't keep still. "Now, have fun and make lots of new friends. I'll pick you up at the end of the day."
"No daddy, I want to ride the bus home with the other kids!" she said, looking at him hopefully.
"Carly, I don't think that's a very good idea." he said firmly, but when he saw the pleading look in her eyes he consented. "Fine, but be very careful. Sit right by the driver and don't go near any of the bigger kids."
"Daddy! I'll be fine! But you have to promise to meet me at the bus stop." she said, still squirming around. "Can I go now?"
"Okay sweetie, I promise. Have fun." he said, and gave her a big hug and kiss. "Now you behave okay?" she nodded her head and he stood up. He could feel a tear coming down his cheek.
"Don't cry daddy." she said sadly, looking up at him.
"I'm fine honey. Do good at school." Once he got back to the car he waved at her until she was inside.
When she got off the bus, Harry was waiting just like he had promised. She ran into his arms and he carried her back to the house. Once there she dropped her books and went right into a detailed account of her day, wanting her daddy to know everything that had gone on.
It was like that for the first few months of kindergarten. He would meet her everyday without fail, and she would always tell him everything that she had done. One day in mid November, Harry dropped her off just like usual.
"Okay sweetie, you have a good day." he said once they reached the doors, and bent down to give her a kiss.
"I love you daddy!" she said happily, her face covered in one of her gigantic smiles.
"I love you to sweetie. See you later." he said, and walked back to the car.
When he got to the bus stop that day he waited for the bus as usual. When it wasn't there by ten after three, he began to wonder what was holding them up. By twenty after, he decided to go back to the house and give the school a call. Maybe there was something wrong holding up the bus.
When he reached the house, he was surprised to see Hermione there. "Why aren't you at work?" he questioned her, looking around. Her coat was thrown to the side of the door and she was seated on the couch. She wasn't answering. "What's wrong?"
"Listen to the answering machine." she said quietly, her voice cracking.
Harry rounded the sofa quickly and stopped at the end table that held the phone and answering machine. He pressed the button softly, afraid of what he would hear.
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Potter, this is the principal of Carly's school. I don't know quite how to tell you this, but on the way home her bus was hit by a drunken driver. Carly didn't make it. I'm so sorry."
There was more on the message, but Harry never heard it. He fainted to the ground at those
words, and when he awoke Hermione was standing over the bed he was lying in. His head hurt something fierce.
"What happened?" he asked, trying to get up. When he glanced at the digital clock on the night stand he said, "Where's Carly? Her bus should be home by now."
"Harry, Carly's not coming home." Hermione whispered, stroking his hair softly.
"What do you mean? Where's my baby?" he demanded, trying to get put of the bed. Hermione gently pushed him back down again.
"Harry, our daughter's gone. Her bus got hit by a drunken driver and she didn't make it. Before you passed out you were listening to a phone message from her principal."
"No, no, no." he whispered, pushing himself off the bed and past his wife. "NO!" he screamed once he got to the living room and played the message again. He was shaking, and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't have lost his little girl, that was impossible. Nothing could ever happen to his baby. Every image from her child hood was running through his head: Carly walking. Carly saying her first words. Carly learning to ride a bike. Carly starting kindergarten. It was like an insane movie he couldn't stop.
Crying desperately he ran outside. It was raining hard, and the night was dark. Collapsing to his knees in the middle of the yard, he started to sob harder. He could hear her saying "Don't cry daddy." again, as though it was floating on the wind.
After a while he looked around the yard. His eyes landed on her swing set and he thought about all the days he had watched her playing there. She would swing up and down, and each time she could go higher she would yell for him to look at her, to watch what she could do. "I'm watching sweetie." he whispered, and for a fleeting moment he thought he saw her sitting there, rain soaked and cold but just as happy as ever. "Look at me daddy!" she seemed to be saying, swinging as high as she could, but when he made it to the swing there was nothing there.
"Carly!" he yelled, begging her to come back. "Carly!" he tried again when he didn't see her. "Come back.....come back......come...come........back......." he whispered, his voice trailing off as he looked desperately around the sodden yard.
He heard the back door creak open, and turned hopefully only to see it was Hermione. "Harry, come on honey, let's get you inside." she said quietly and led him into the house. Once indoors she got him into dry clothes and went to make him some coffee. He didn't talk once, and when she went into the kitchen he walked slowly to Carly's bedroom.
As soon as he stepped inside the door a fresh set of tears overcame him. Looking around, everything was exactly like it always was. Her stuffed animals were lined up on her bed, all her books were organized on her shelf, everything was in its place. Except her.
When he looked over he saw her sitting on her bed, a book in her lap. "What are you reading tonight sweetie?" he asked, as though his mirage was real. "It's Hansel and Gretel, daddy. It's a real good book." he could hear her saying. "I'm sure it is sweet heart." he told her, and turned away from the bed.
Noticing a piece of paper laying on the desk, he walked over to it. It was one of her latest drawings, and scrawled across the top in messy children's writing were the words i love my daddy in blue crayon. Taking the paper in his hands, he pressed it up against his chest. He silently walked over to her bed and layed down amidst her flower bed spread and stuffed toys. He pictured her laying in that very bed, kissing him goodnight and telling him she loved him once more. "I love you daddy!" echoed around the room.
"I know sweetheart." he whispered, and fell asleep.
He was at Carly's school, and it was the end of the day. She was getting on the bus with the rest of her classmates, giggling with one of the girls. As she started to board the bus, he could hear himself screaming for her to get off of it. "It's not safe, Carly! Get away from that bus!" he yelled desperately.
"You're silly daddy, it's perfectly safe!" she yelled back at him, and entered the bus.
All of a sudden he was on the side of a road he didn't recognize. He could see Carly's bus coming around a corner in the road a ways back from him, and it was getting closer. When it was so close that he could see Carly's face through the window, sitting right by the driver like he told her, a white SUV flew over to median crashed into it from the opposite side of the road. In the instant before the bus toppled over he could see Carly mouth the words 'I love you daddy!' and then he was gone.
When he awoke he realized that he was still in Carly's bedroom. She was sitting at her desk, coloring a picture. "Hi daddy, you were taking a nap. But you're awake now! Look, I drew you a new picture!" she told him excitedly, holding up the paper and grinning.
"Oh sweetie, that's very nice." he said, studying her latest artwork. He got up from the bed to look at the picture more closely, but when he blinked she was gone. "Carly!" he yelled, looking around the room, trying to find his baby girl.
'I'm gone now, daddy, but I still love you! I love my daddy always and forever!'
"Always and forever sweetheart." he whispered, as a single tear trickled down his cheek.