Life isn't all Sunshine and Rainbows

Someone very wise said that. I didn’t believe it.

My life was all sunshine and rainbows. Well, my mother died, but that didn’t dampen my spirits. I still had my father, and together we had all the sunshine and rainbows we’d ever need.

Life was perfect. He made a decent salary running The Quibbler. We had a nice lifestyle.

Then I came to Hogwarts. I was “Loony” Luna Lovegood. I didn’t care. I knew I wasn’t loony. I was sorted into Ravenclaw after all.

First year was somewhat boring. Second and third were as well. Fourth year was fun. I met Ronald Weasley. And Harry Potter... but I didn’t care much about him. When I first saw Ronald I think I fell in love with him. The Cupidies probably did hit me with their arrows... Or the Nargles. They do come out of other things than mistletoe, don’t you know.

Either way, I was in love with him. His vibrant red hair, freckles, and joking personality. Everything about him.

He didn’t like me very much. He thought I was strange. I didn’t blame him though, he would learn that I’m not loony soon enough. Anyway, I went to Harry Potter’s DA, I accompanied him to the Department of Mysteries. It was quite an interesting adventure, and by the end I had friends who didn’t think I was loony.

Fifth year was even more fun. Harry and Hermione became a couple, and Ginny started dating Neville Longbottom. Ronald had no one to talk to, so I made myself available. We became friends. It was all fun. He joked around and laughed at my jokes. I knew he didn’t believe in the Crumple-horned snorkaks, but I would show him they were real soon enough.

We became the best of friends. Almost as close as Ronald was to Harry and Hermione, even though they were now boyfriend and girlfriend. And just as a side note, I, personally have never liked those titles. They give off no meaning, they still say ‘friend’ when in fact, those two persons are so much more. I told this to Ronald and he laughed it off. I still believed it.

Sixth year... life went down. Ronald found himself a ‘girlfriend’. A pompous, giggly, annoying airhead, by the name of Lavender Brown.

Women are always looked at as airheads, and people like Lavender Brown were the reason. All she lived for was Gossip, Fashion, Boys, Makeup, Boys, Rumors, Boys, and Divination.

I don’t believe in gossip. If you hear something about someone, you keep it to yourself, or you ask said person about it. Fashion is hypocritical, boys are okay, but that is honestly what makes her such an airhead. Makeup denies a person of their own image, rumors are just like gossip, and divination is an extremely imprecise branch of magic.

Lavender took all of Ronald’s free time. Every Hogsmead weekend they could be found holding hands and walking down the streets, going into the shops, and snogging in the alleys. I hated her. And yes, I understand that ‘hate’ is a very strong and aggressive term, however it fits perfectly fine for this. I hated her. And I still hate her. She took Ronald away from me. And she did it by being a complete idiot. The rainbows of my life were starting to become dull.

I still loved Ronald. He didn’t notice me as anything else than a friend at that point... I’m sure he never actually felt anything for me other than friendship, but if I could at least have that with him, I was glad.

*********

At this time, it was NEWT’s for Ronald. And he sent me an owl one day asking if I could somehow get him away from Hermione and her NEWT lectures. Of course I obliged, he was my friend, I would do anything for him.

I sent him an owl, which got him in the common room, and it asked if he would like to go for a walk around the lake because I really missed seeing him. All of it was true, I did miss seeing him. And it worked. When he came outside he came over and hugged me and told me he would love me forever. I said I would love him too. I knew he meant it as a thank you for getting him away from Hermione, and I meant it as romantic, but he was daft, he couldn’t tell the difference.

We talked, and we talked. It was ages since we just sat and enjoyed each others’ presence. I noticed something was different about Ronald. He started talking about Lavender and I knew what it was. And I wasn’t ashamed to say it out loud.

“Ronald?”

“Yeah Luna?”

“Have you shagged Lavender?”

I’ll leave his response out of this. It’s needless to say that his face turned as red as his hair and he couldn’t pull a string of words together for quite a few minutes. But yes, his answer had been yes.

It broke my heart. Another thing Lavender had of my Ronald that I didn’t. His love... in a romantic sense.

I didn’t show anything. I was good at keeping my facade up. But the sunshine on my world was slowly setting, and the sunset wasn‘t very pretty.

The school year ended, my spirits were very low, Ronald wouldn’t be with me next year. My rainbows were gone, and all I had left was my setting sun.

*********

Not even a month into the summer I received an owl from Ronald... He said he needed to talk to me, that it was ‘urgent’. He said he would meet me at my house, for fear of being overheard.

Fear of overhearing what, I didn’t know... yet.

It ended up that Ronald and Lavender weren’t careful... They were drunk on top of it. And after I lectured Ronald about mating habits, and how one should always be careful while mating, when they were obviously too young to even think about mating. He told me(with a very red face) Harry and Hermione were expecting, but I countered that they were also engaged, which I told him was completely different. I then continued to lecture him about underage drinking.

He told me I can stop lecturing him, he knew he was wrong, but was completely lost about what to do. What could I do? I suggested abortion, he says Lavender wants to keep the baby. I told him to get a job and help support her. Move in together somewhere, if it was at all possible, and start from there.

He said that they thought of that, but he was worried about telling his parents. Merlin knows how Mrs. Weasley is. Her parents died in the second war, so Lavender didn’t have much of a problem. And she was currently living with Parvati and Padma Patil, who got themselves an apartment, which she could easily move out of.

Again, what else could I do to help him? I was still at Hogwarts for another year. And again, I could feel my sunshine slipping below the heavens, and my life was turning into a hell.

*********

Before school started I met up with Lavender, Ronald, Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Neville at Diagon Alley. I was the odd-one out, but I didn’t let it bother me. I was amongst friends... well all except for the airhead, but what could I do? I was in love with a man that was in love with his ‘girlfriend’, and they were going to have a child together.

I take it, since Ronald was still breathing, that Mrs. Weasley didn’t hurt him too badly. She had to have known by now, Lavender was showing... not as much as Hermione, but more than enough to know that she was in fact pregnant.

The day went by, I didn’t want to go to Hogwarts. And yet, I did. I wanted to be far away from Ronald, and Lavender, and their happiness. But I still wanted Ronald. Merlin, I wanted him so bad it hurt. I did love him. I really did.

*********

I went back to Hogwarts. I disconnected myself from Ronald. I could handle a lot, but I couldn’t handle the fact that Ronald was going to have a baby with Lavender... It bothered me to no end.

Ginny gave me updates on her brother and Lavender. I could care less, but I was polite and listened anyway. Ronald had gotten a job in his brothers’ joke shop, but he quit that and was now working in the junior defense league. (They’re a step below the aurors, it’s changed, so now you become a junior, and then you start auror training, and then your a full fledged auror. They were used in emergencies, where they needed extra people to fight that weren‘t civilians. They were trained only in combat, and earned a good salary.)

I sent an owl congratulating Ronald. It really was an honor to be accepted into the defense league not even a year out of school. I was happy for him... about that. He owled me back and asked if I could meet him next Hogsmead weekend. I obliged, not really knowing what I was getting myself into. I don’t think I could have handled any more heartbreak.

*********

Hogsmead weekend was two weeks away, and I was actually excited. Ronald didn’t mention anything about Miss-Airhead coming, and for that I was glad. It would just be the two of us for a while.

Ronald wanted a second opinion... on baby names. He and Lavender decided on Jake Thomas Weasley if it was a boy, and Abigail Lynn Weasley if it was a girl. I said they were both lovely names.. which they were. I just wished beyond what is healthy, that it would be him and I deciding on our child’s name.. and not him and Lavender. I shook my head to rid these thoughts. He noticed and asked what was wrong. I replied nothing, I was just thinking about how much you’ve grown up. I forced a smile, and it seemed to satisfy him. Thanks, he said. Thanks for being a great friend.

There was that word again, friend. The only thing I would ever be to him. I was tired of it. I was tired of waiting so I got up and left.

He caught up to me in a matter of seconds. Asking what’s wrong.

I’m madly in love with you and it kills me to know that your expecting a child with this pompous, giggly airhead which I happen to despise. Your only 18, and your not married. I want to be the one that made the mistake of shagging while drunk. I want to be the one you hold in your arms and snog senseless...

Of course I couldn’t tell him that. But all my frustration and anger over the months came out instead.

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong” I said. “What’s wrong is that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t solve all your problems, and it’s not my fault you got pissed and shagged! And now you have a baby on the way. What exactly do you expect from me? I’ve never shagged anyone! I’ve never taken care of a baby! I’ve never been around a pregnant woman before! I’VE NEVER EVEN SNOGGED ANYONE! Ronald, I want what’s best for you. I really do care about you. But this is all too much. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. I can’t be the person you run to when there’s no one else available. I can’t be the person who’s always there waiting. I can’t. I just can’t.”

Tears were falling from my eyes, and frankly, I didn’t give a damn. He looked quite stunned, and I turned and ran down to the carriages that lead back to Hogwarts. I didn’t look back.

And how I wish I did now.

*********

The Death Eaters that managed to escape the night Voldemort was murdered decided to come back for revenge.

I’m guessing they wanted revenge on Dumbledore, but that doesn’t make sense, because Harry is the one that killed Voldemort.. Whatever, they must have been crucio’ed too many times. It was just before Christmas. Hogwarts students were in the streets. Hermione had her baby, it was a girl, named Lily Roxanne Potter. Harry sent me a picture, she was beautiful. Lavender had a few months to go.

As I was saying, the Death Eaters wanted revenge, and the Ministry sent all their Auror members, as well as the Junior Defense League to Hogsmead.

I didn’t see it happen.

I wasn’t at Hogsmead at the time.

I was helping the teachers put up the decorations... I was a Head Girl after all.

It was awful. Dumbledore got word of the attack. He had Michael Conner and me guard the Great Hall, while he sent all of the remaining students within the castle into it.

The teachers went to help the Aurors and Junior Defense League.

They were too late.

They managed to kill the remaining Death Eaters, but many of the Juniors were killed.

Ronald was one of them.

They played that old muggle song at his funeral.

Oddly enough, it described me.

How many times have I had to tell him that I really loved him, and not just as a friend?

Countless.

How many times has he asked me if I wanted to tell him something?

Countless.

I never told him that I had dreams of us older, and caring for our children. I never told him that I loved his jokes and his personality. I never told him I loved the fact that his ears would turn red along with the rest of his face when he was embarrassed. I never told him how much it hurt me to see him with another girl other than Ginny or Hermione. Or how much he really meant to me.

I never told him. And now it was too late.

It’s too bloody late.

The man, or woman, or whoever said that “life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows” was right. I never believed them. Never before. But as the dirt was being dumped back into the ground, my heart was being covered as well. And my last ray of sunshine was diminished. I believed them. There was no more sunshine in my life.

Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It may start out that way, but it can never stay that way. Through time, the sunshine will start to set, and the view won’t be as pretty as it could be.

Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows... then again, it never was.

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[A/n: This story is based on real life. It’s dedicated to my best friend Colin. He died last April to Leukemia, and instead of harboring all this inside I finally had the guts to write it down. I miss him dearly, and Hermione, and George, if you ever get the chance to read this, I did love your brother. Katie, good luck with the baby, Colin would have been a great father, and I’m sorry for my jealousy. I wish you the best of luck. ]

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