The Inspiration:
My Worst Fear
Last night you gave me a kiss
You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did
You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep
So I just laid there pretending to be
You said some things you didn't know I could hear
And the words "I love you" never sounded so sincere
[Chorus]
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving
Now that I know just how much you care
You finally gave me one good reason not to go
But staying here is my worst fear
This morning I rolled out of bed
Recalling all the sweet things you said
This was the day I was gonna hurt you bad
Called out your name, but you didn't answer back
I searched the house to find out what was wrong
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone
[Repeat Chorus]
[Bridge]
All along I knew that there was something missing
And only one thing left to do
I had to leave behind this life that we'd been living
But the only thing that left was you
[Second Chorus]
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving
Now that I know just how much you care
You finally gave me one good reason not to go
But being alone is my worst fear
And staying here is my worst fear
The Story:
My Worst Fear
He lay in the dark with her, curled together as they always did. They were facing each other, hands clasped, foreheads touching, and legs tangled together. He looked at her closed lids and how her red hair spilling around her face and onto the pillow. He smiled at his angel, his beautiful Ginny, and dreaded the morning to come. He had to leave her.
She had won him over, and he'd joined the Order of the Phoenix not long ago. Even though he was so new to the Order, they had already given him an assignment. A spy. He was going to be a spy for the next Death Eater's meeting, which his father was organizing. That's where he was going in the morning. He'd yet to tell Ginny of this assignment, and planned on doing it last minute so she wouldn't have any time to persuade him not to go. Pushing that aside, he began to drift to sleep.
He was on the brink of dreamland when she shifted and moved closer to him, and gently pressed her lips to his. He pretended to be asleep, and just laid there quietly as she stroked a hand across his cheek and into his hair. He tried hard not to sigh as she pressed her lips to his forehead.
"You're so perfect, Draco." She whispered breathily, "I love you."
His heart lodged in his throat, and he tried desperately not to let his eyes fly open. He controlled his breathing and continued to act asleep as she settled down next to him again.
He was wide-awake, even though his eyes remained closed. How was he supposed to leave her now? He didn't want to hurt her, and that's part of the reason he had to leave…besides the assignment from the Order. He was going to tell her in the morning. He was going to tell her he was leaving and that was that. She was going to blubber of course, he expected it…but now what was he supposed to do? With three simple words, she just made everything much more difficult.
After a few more moments of panic, he decided that he would deal with it in the morning. There wasn't much he could do right now. He told his father he'd be there for the death eater's meeting, and the Order was counting on him. He drifted into an uneasy sleep.
~*~
Something was shining in his eyes. He squeezed them shut, and realized that the light wouldn't go away. He peeked open one eye and quickly shut it when the slant of sun from the blinds greeted him. He groaned from a restless night, and rolled out of bed, stretching. And then he stopped suddenly, remembering Ginny's sweet words. He looked over his shoulder and realized the bed was empty. Scowling he looked toward the door leading off the room and into the loo. It was open, and dark inside.
He rose out of bed and wandered out of the bedroom and down the hall, calling her name. There was only the answer of his echo. Goosebumps rose on his arms as he entered the kitchen and found it empty as well. The cold stainless steel was very unwelcoming.
It was Sunday, where could she have gone? Was there at meeting at the Order that he'd forgotten? No. She would have woken him for that. A grocery run perhaps?, he thought. No. She hated grocery shopping. She would never go alone. Plus, the cupboards where plenty full.
The house felt colder than normal. He ran out onto the terrace of their second story luxury condo, which was her favorite spot. The sun greeted and blinded him again, and after his eyes adjusted, there was still no sign of her. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks. She was gone.
He collapsed into a chase and stared out at their view of London. In a matter of hours she made everything extremely difficult to way too easy. Leaving her was no longer a problem. But she had left him…and he had no idea why. He was at least going to tell her why he had to go. She just got up and left! Tears stung his eyes, and he allowed a few to fall. His fear of hurting her no longer existed…but a new terrifying fear had now risen in his own breaking heart. And that was the fear of being alone.
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