If It Weren't For You

Well it wouldn't get out my head until I wrote it, so here we are! Shocking that I actually got over my laziness and write something I know….but hey, it happens sometimes. ;-) Please excuse all missing words or other such odd and unusual things. Please keep in mind, most of this was written at 1 in the morning, while author was hyped up from drinking too much Dr. Pepper and eating a whooooooole lot of sugar.

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If It Weren't For You

Summary: Lily and James have a heart to heart, on their last night at Hogwarts, about their fears of facing the world that awaited them when they leave Hogwarts and what would happen if they weren't together to get through it. Oh and Sirius makes a brief cameo. ;-) Pure fluff.

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“Will you wait a minute, already, Lily?” James took up a jog to catch up with the fast disappearing woman who was easily making her way down the hallway. She quickened her pace at his voice, not quite running, but walking very fast all the same. “Lily, please!” he said with a quiet urgency in his voice, gasping just a bit as he caught up with from lack of breath from his short-lived sprint.

Matching her pace now, he walked along side her for a moment before she finally let up her fast pace and slowed to a normal walk and then stopped altogether to face him.

“What, James?” She lifted her eyes, which he was shocked to note were filled with blurry tears, obstructing the usual forest green color to a bleary imitation.

He looked at her with a mixture of shock and worry at the sound of her shaky voice and teary eyes before he spoke again himself, “Will you at least tell me what's wrong?” His eyes softened and reached up to tilt her chin upwards so her once more downcast eyes would meet his.

“Nothing,” she whispered throatily, her voice cracking a bit. She tried to look anywhere but him as his thumb stroked her cheek in familiarity that she knew only he could ever have with her.

“Lily.” He shifted closer to her and leaned his forehead against her own, his voice quiet now as he continued, “You can't run off after the ceremony and pretend nothing's wrong. Please don't lie to me…tell me.”

“I can't,” she swallowed and turned her head to the side, making him pull back a little.

“Why not?” he asked rather curiously as he stared at her. As she continued to stare past him in silence, seemingly determined not to answer his question, his arms snaked their way around her waist comfortingly and he walked her backwards until she was up against the nearest wall. She leaned against it without a word, looking as lost as he had ever seen her, one of her hands running through her sun-streaked auburn hair absently, a habit she usually despised.

“It's stupid really,” she whispered, finally focusing her wandering gaze on him. Her hand stopped its movement through her hair, it flitted downward and intertwined itself with one of James' while her other hand did the same. He smiled gently at her, giving her hands a small squeeze, encouraging her silently to continue. “It's just…I'm so scared about leaving this place, James,” Lily said helplessly, not knowing what else to say.

He sighed and looked at her for a long moment, calculating carefully what he should say. “What exactly are you scared of?” he asked finally, with another sigh. He'd like to think he knew what she was talking about…leaving this place and being scared of that…but he knew that he was more than ready to leave Hogwarts, only looking back on a few nostalgic memories and ready to begin his real life. But he has known for months how apprehensive his girlfriend was about and now when it came time for them to actually leave, James figured it was understandable to be scared of the world that awaited them outside the castle walls.

“A lot of things, to be honest with you, James,” she choked out the first few words and paused to collect herself before continuing. “Mostly that somehow we'll drift apart and never speak again, or that I'll never be able to find work because of my heritage, or that terrible things will happen to us and we'll never be able to really get on with our lives…what if something happens in this war and one of us gets killed, James?” Her voice had slowly gone from a frantic tone to a cracking whisper as she listed out her worries of the world that awaited them. “I couldn't live without you.”

Her tears that had been threatening her eyes finally spilled down her face and she leaned her head onto James' shoulder as he stepped closer to her.

“Hey, baby,” he murmured into her hair comfortingly. “I'll always be with no matter what; I would never let us grow apart. And if anyone doesn't give you a job just because of your bloodlines they're utter fools, because you're the smartest woman I've ever met.” He gently untangled one of his hands from hers, placing her hand on his hip and then reaching up his to stroke her hair, not knowing what else to do. She sniffed, tears still running down her face as they held onto each other for the next several minutes without speaking.

“I couldn't live without you with me either, Lily,” he whispered finally, breaking the silence between them. His hand stopped running through her copper hair and moved to cup her cheek tenderly, wiping away her errant tears.

Lily visibly swallowed and shifted her eyes up to meet his understanding coffee orbs, her head racing with the possibilities of the world outside of Hogwarts. The `what if's' that pulsed through her brain were unceremoniously calmed when James leaned forward again to press his lips reassuringly against hers, sending familiar sparks through straight down to her curling toes.

“Oi! You two! No snogging in the corridors!” a familiar voice broke through to the couple who promptly broke apart to send well-seasoned looks of exasperation at the owner of the voice, Sirius Black. Completely oblivious that he had just broken in on an important moment between the two, he continued on, traipsing down the hallway until he reached the two. He placed a hand on one of each of their shoulders and smiled his usual mischievous grin at them before saying something more. “The party's `bout to begin, you two coming or do you plan on standing making lovey-dovey eyes at each other all night?”

“We'll—uh—we'll be there in a minute, Padfoot. You go on, we'll catch up,” James said uncomfortably, running his hand through his unruly hair.

“I'm sure you will be,” he replied with a hint of innuendo in his otherwise playful tone. “Just be sure you at least make an appearance, Prongs, or else I'll send the troops to come collect you and your lady love here to do your duties. After all, can't have the Head Boy and Girl skiving off from their own graduation party.” He winked at the two before pushing them back towards each other abruptly, causing James to trip on top off Lily, pinning her against the wall. “Carry on then!” Sirius called teasingly, not bothering to notice the glare that was shot after him from James who had stepped a more comfortable distance away from Lily than the position Sirius had put them in.

He rubbed the back of his neck, their moment of seriousness broken, and gave her a small smile.

“So do you want to go to this party?” Lily asked quietly, sensing that their previous topic was beyond conversation now. She reached out for his hand again, interlocking their fingers with a squeeze.

“Not right now, actually,” James answered truthfully, returning the squeeze gently. “Want to go for a walk?” he asked suddenly, with a hint of hope tingeing his voice.

“Sure.” She smiled warmly at him. He returned the smile and tugged on her hand so she would follow his lead down the corridor which she willingly did. He continued pulling her along until they reached the front doors of Hogwarts where the balmy night air was filtering into the castle. “Are we going outside?” she whispered curiously to him.

“Of course, where else would no one be?” He looked back at her with a grin as he pushed one of the doors open a little more so they could slip out.

Once outside, they hurried down the steps and James began to run, dragging Lily along behind him until she started to sprint to keep up with him. With Lily giggling freely as James kept looking back at her and winking playfully, they finally stopped in their impromptu jog. They had ended up out beside the lake, the water strangely serene with the moonlight spilling light down on it.

James twirled around quickly, pulling Lily against him tightly with a huge smile.

“Dance with me?” he whispered into her ear, breath blowing into her hair.

She threw her head back and laughed as he twirled her around dramatically. He leaned down and gave her a small kiss.

“I'll always dance with you, James,” she replied breathlessly as she looked up at him.

He stopped his dancing movements slowly, standing with Lily in his arms, looking down at her with a suddenly very serious expression on his face.

“Lily…I love you, you know that, right?” he questioned earnestly.

“Of course, James,” she assured him. “I love you, too, more than anything,” she added with a gentle half-smile.

“I-I know that we're still young and I don't pretend to think that either of us know much of anything about what waits for us out there, but I'm sure of one thing, Lily: I want you to be in my world, no matter what.” He swallowed nervously, watching her carefully for a reaction.

Her eyes, which had been dry for a time, now filled up with tears again, this time of joy though and not of unspoken fears, and she jumped at him with a huge hug and several kisses along the side of his neck. He smiled into her hair as she began to murmur into his ear.

“Oh, James! I don't know what I would do if it weren't for you in my life. I can't imagine me being anywhere but with you in the future,” she whispered, sniffling softly. Releasing him from her hug, she looked up at him, fighting back her own tears. “Thank you for convincing me that you really were a decent guy after all,” she managed to say through the burning in the back of her throat from holding in the tears.

“No problem, baby,” he said with an audible sigh, hugging Lily closer to him. “Now, that we have all the serious conversation out of the way for the night, what do you say we get to the party that's brewing upstairs, eh?”

Lily snorted in laughter and reached up to wipe away her tears, nodding along with him as he began to guide her back towards the castle again.

“Hey, Lily?” he spoke softly in her ear, just as they reached the steps to the doors of the castle.

“Yeah?” She turned back to him, arms twining around his waist lovingly.

“I don't know what I would do if it weren't for you, either.”

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All apologies made for what utter rubbish this is…but now that you've gone and read through it, you might as well leave a review :-) …. They make me happy. *nod nod*

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