And That Was Enough
She never complained.
Oh, she knew that she would probably never be as important to him as Hagrid and Sirius, or as close to him as Ron was. She knew that she would probably never be fully appreciated by him, always taken for granted.
But why did she stay?
Because she knew, deep down, that he needed her.
And that was enough.
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She never asked for anything in return.
Not when she always checked and helped him with his homework, without fail. Not when she would go to his matches and his practices, helping him to play better by removing the rain out of his eyes.
And yet, she knew, deep down, that she wished he wouldn't take her for granted.
But he needed her, and that was enough.
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She never got angry.
Annoyed, sure. Especially when he left his schoolwork to the last minute. Disapproving, of course. Especially when he'd break rules, such as wandering the halls at night, due to his newfound insomnia.
But she knew, that deep down, that she wanted him to appreciate that she always looked out for him.
He needed her though, and that was enough.
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Was it really enough anymore?
She is tired. When is she ever tired? It used to be never. But now at twenty-three, and when she has seen so much life and death, she realizes that even though he has as well, he still hasn't appreciated her any more than he did when they were children.
He does not need her anymore.
It is not enough.
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She tells herself she is leaving because she wants him to realize how much he needs her and perhaps he will appreciate her more.
But that is a lie.
She is leaving because she wants him to realize how much he loves her, just as she loves him.
She has been lying to herself the entire time: she stayed with him because she knew, deep down, that she loved him.
And that had been enough.
But the hopelessness of life is crashing down on her, and she can't bear to see him with another random witch hanging off of his arm.
So, she leaves.
She has had enough.
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Because of a letter from their friend, she finds out that his reaction is not a good one. She had not told him where or when she was leaving-she did not even tell him she is leaving at all.
According to their friend, he feels hurt and betrayed. Fortunately, he does not know where she is, or why she left. And fortunately, their big-mouthed friend did not tell him as well.
She knows that she did not handle it well, but love did not bring enough strength and bravery to tell him she was leaving.
She is too tired to be brave…
She is not enough.
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He does not know where she lives, but six months later she gets a letter from him anyway. He has given up trying to look for her and asks their friend to deliver it.
She does not know what to expect. A wedding invitation? An engagement announcement? She does not want to open it.
But she does.
Her resolve is not enough.
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Hermione, he writes,
Hermione, if I... if I did something to make you mad-to make you leave-I will regret it until the day I die.
Do you know how much you mean to me, Hermione? The ass that I am, I never show it-never showed it when we were kids. How could I? How could I say "thank you" and let that be enough?
I suppose a "thank you" would have been better than nothing at all, but… I have never understood myself around you.
So now, I say it: thank you. Thank you for helping me become the man I am today. Without you, who am I? Who would I be? I don't even want to imagine it.
Just to let you know, I have given up trying to find you, Hermione-you are clever enough to probably be right under my nose-but I will respect you as you did me when I left.
But Hermione? Come home. And when you do…? I'll be waiting.
Let that be enough.
Harry
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She reads it and cannot believe it. Let that be enough. Is it? Is it really?
Does he need her? According to their friend, he is a wreck without her.
So he does need her.
Does he want her? He wants her home; he wants her with him.
So he does want her.
Does he love her?
She doesn't know.
Is want and need enough?
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Knock. Knock. Knock.
She pauses on his door step, waiting, praying he has waited for her as well.
A familiar face answers the door, face etched in disbelief.
"Did you wait?" She whispers.
A slow smile breaks out of his face. "Of course," he whispers right back. "Anything for you." He invites her in, and she goes, where they talk and laugh-but they don't talk of the taboo of why she left.
But finally, he does ask. His curiosity could never be controlled.
"It wasn't enough," she answered in her soft voice. "Need was not enough. Want was not enough." And to you, she says in her mind, I was not enough.
Ever so softly, he asks, "And love? Is love enough?"
It is, she wants to tell him, but what if he questions further and she cannot deny what has been in her heart for so long? Unrequited love, she knows, is painful. But to have it confirmed? Hell.
But when she looks into his eyes, she sees what he wants from her.
Love.
And you know what?
That was enough.
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A/N: This was an odd little fic that I had written up in about a good half-hour. I had no plot, just started to type and let it take me wherever.
I noticed, while re-reading the fifth book, that Harry seems to get annoyed with Hermione quite a lot, and it surprised me how much he took her for granted. I guess the idea stayed with me, and this fic was born.
I think I ramble a bit, but I can't cut anything out…. If I could get some feedback as well, that would be great.
Until next time!
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