Harry Potter and the Alucinor Dicio

Disclaimer: I don't own him. See previous chapters

Chapter 20 - Harry the Spy

Harry was unsettled the rest of the week, hoping that Saturday would never come. As usual with dreaded tasks, the time seemed to fly before it. On Saturday, Harry was nervous, and jittery. He had been sleeping poorly the last few days, his dreams plagued by thoughts of killing Voldemort. If Harry seemed nervous, Hermione seemed downright mental. She was all over the place in the days before, and Harry felt ill equipped to comfort her, as he had his own issues to deal with.

He , Ron and Hermione were sitting around the common room fire, when Fawkes appeared next to Harry, a letter clutched in his beak. Harry removed the letter, smiled at Fawkes and watched as he disappeared in a burst of flame, which frightened a few younger years. Harry just opened the envelope, reading the letter contained inside.

Harry,

It is time.

A. D.

Harry shared a significant look with Hermione and Ron in turn, and without speaking all three rose simultaneously and left the common room. Not a word was spoken on their way to the Room of Requirement, and Hermione was clutching Harry's hand in her right one, while her left hand was on Ron's arm for support. Harry was extremely glad that Ron would be here, if only for Hermione.

Harry stopped outside the door to the room, looking at both of his best friends. “ I – just want you both to know, that I appreciate you being here. I don't want to sound like a overly dramatic prat-”said Harry. Ron chuckled at this. Harry glared at him before continuing, “ but I'm nervous... I just don't want you to worry – much” Harry added the last at the look on Hermione's face. He looked over to Ron, “ Make sure she's okay?” he asked.

“ Course, Harry!” Ron answered in a tone that implied he wouldn't think of anything less.

Feeling somewhat reassured, Harry turned to go in the door. Hermione reached out and grabbed his arm. “ Harry, I just.. I love you, okay?” Hermione stated softly. Harry smiled and nodded, and all three entered the room together.

Rowen was the first to greet him, and she was joined by Lupin and Dumbledore. Rowen just looked Harry over, smiling encouragingly. “ Ready as you'll ever be, Harry?” she asked with a smile. Harry just swallowed and nodded.

“ Ah well, if it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly.” Harry glanced at Dumbledore as he spoke. Dumbledore's solemn face bespoke of the seriousness of the situation.

“ Shakespeare, sir?” Harry questioned.

“ Well, he was quite talented you know, for a muggle.” Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at Harry, and Harry felt his fears ease somewhat. Harry glanced around, taking in the room once more, before straightening his shoulders and looking to Dumbledore.

“ Then let's do it quickly, sir.” Harry spoke as he crossed the room, bending to sit cross legged on the bed.

“ Alright Harry, If at any time you feel that you've been detected, come back, do you hear me? Also, it is unsure if Voldemort will realize your presence or not. You have your relaxing thought, yes?” Dumbledore looked on as Harry lay down. Harry nodded in his direction. “ Excellent, you may proceed Harry.” he said.

Harry immediately began to think of his relaxing thoughts of Hermione's hands.. he achieved his relaxed state rather quickly and began picturing Voldemort in his head clearly. As his picture became more and more sharp, Harry muttered “ Emineo Caecius”.

When Harry opened his eyes, he saw that he was in a dark room, lit only by a few candles. There was one chair pulled close to a dying fire and the rest of the room was empty. The walls were completely blank, and dust lay thick around the room. There were no windows that Harry could see. Harry took all of this in in a single glance, as he did not want to waste valuable time gawking about. Harry could see that Voldemort was standing by the almost dead fire, glaring down at a man who cowered before him.

“ I am so sorry My Lord” the man was crying at Voldemort's feet. The voice seemed vaguely familiar to Harry but his robes were covering his head.

“ Sorry is not worth anything!” Voldemort spat. “ I have let you suffer your months in Azkaban, but it was not nearly long enough for your failure. If you and your worthless comrades were not necessary to my plans, I'd have let you rot there til eternity! But do not think , Lucius, that you will be more comfortable out here with me! CRUCIO!” Voldemort smiled as he watched Lucius Malfoy scream in agony, bent over double on the floor. He watched as the curse was on him so long, that he lost even the will to scream. Finally, after what seemed an eternity to Harry, Voldemort lifted the curse.

“ T-th-tha-thank you Master.” Lucius could barely speak through the pain. “ It is – on-only what I de-des-deserve.” Voldemort glared at him.

“ I'm glad you realize this Lucius. Not only did you lose the prophecy for me last year, but your son failed me as well... but he's .. paying in his own ways.” Voldemort's mouth twisted into what Harry could only assume was a smile. “ The fact remains however that Dumbledore and Potter both must die! I cannot allow them to live! The time is quickly approaching, Potter's time is nearly at hand, and this time I will not fail!!! Do you understand Lucius?” Malfoy barely nodded his head.

“ You will follow Bella's orders on this, Lucius. The preparations are being made, and we will not be alone when the time comes. I want you to go see her now. Perhaps Potter will be happy to know that he will be joining his beloved parents soon.” Voldemort spoke while looking down upon Lucius Malfoys bowed form. Lucius wasted no time at all in kissing the edge of Voldemort's robes, and backing out of the room on his hands and knees.

Voldemort just stood there staring into the dying embers, his face twisted with his maniacal planning. All of a sudden he jerked his head up, peering about the room. “ I can feel you...” he sneered in his high cold voice. Harry started and immediately turned his thoughts towards his body, disappearing just as Voldemort started to speak an incantation. “ RETIN-”

Harry opened his eyes to find five concerned faces staring at him. Hermione flung herself on him as soon as he opened his eyes, hugging him fiercely. Harry hugged her back, trying to calm her down. Once she had loosened her hold a bit, Dumbledore looked at Harry questioningly. Harry repeated all he had heard finishing with the fact that Voldemort had been aware of Harry's presence in the end. Dumbledore sat, thoughtful for a moment before speaking.

“ Well it is news that the Deatheaters had been taken from Azkaban... Clearly Voldemort intends to attack, sometime soon... and obviously not alone. Perhaps he will bring the giants and trolls with him.” Dumbledore paused here. Harry looked at him a frisson of fear running down his spine.

“ If this is true sir, than I need to be training, more frequently, more intensively.” Harry exclaimed, ignoring the looks of fear on Ron and Hermione's faces. Rowen sighed softly, stepping forward from the shadows in the corner.

“ I hate to say this but I agree, Albus. Harry should be taken out of lessons immediately, and put into full time training. Remus could take over his day time training, and I could tutor him in his subjects during the night. You might have to do a few, such as Transfiguration, but we could work a schedule out.” Rowen stated all this in a soft voice.

“ But Harry wouldn't be doing it alone would he? I mean, Ron and I would be with him, right?” Hermione demanded. Harry looked to her, sorrow reflecting in his eyes.

“ You aren't the ones who have to face him alone, Mione. I'm the only one. I don't think that anything I'm training for would be any good for you.. I'm not training to defend myself here, I'm training to kill.” Harry had a brief flash of the memory of small animals falling lifeless as he spoke. He wanted to keep Hermione, Ron too, as far away from that as he could. Harry could hardly handle it himself, and he did not know how he would be able to stand actually murdering someone.

Hermione looked about to argue, but Dumbledore intercepted. “ Harry is quite correct Miss Granger. You would serve him much better by going to class, and helping him in that area. You will of course, continue your extra defensive training in the evenings while Harry has his tutoring sessions. I'm sure Remus will be happy to teach you two as well.” Dumbledore spoke in a final tone. Hermione grumbled, but nodded her head, agreeing to the plan.

Once they arrived back in the common room, Ron took himself off upstairs , clearly sensing Harry and Hermione's need to be alone. Once he had ascended the stairs, Harry turned to Hermione.

“ Harry, it's just so- so unfair! I'm so scared for you, and it was hard enough before, but now on top of that I'll hardly ever see you! I'm just- ugh! I'm being selfish and it's stupid I know!” Hermione got this out as her eyes pleaded with Harry to understand. Harry took her hands and led her over to the sofa, where he sat and then pulled Hermione down to sit on his lap. He held her hand in his, and stroked her back with his other hand.

“ You're not selfish, Mione! I know this is going to be difficult, but there really is no other way. As for not seeing me, I won't allow that to happen! We can meet for lunch outside, just you and me. The evenings, we can see each other after our lessons, that'll be trio time, assuming Ron's not off snogging Luna somewhere. Mione- I - I need you to be the strong one for me here. I don't think I can do this without you” Harry whispered the last part in a broken voice. Hermione released his hand and took his face in her hands.

“ You will never be alone in this Harry, do you hear me? I will always be here for you, and I'm not the only one!” Hermione took a deep breath in. “ If I need to be the strong one, then I will, Harry. I love you and nothing is going to happen to us!” as she spoke her eyes fairly burned Harry with their intensity. Harry brushed his free hand across her cheek, down to her neck, where he pulled her close and kissed her. Hermione kissed him back eagerly, as if she could pour her whole soul into it. It was a desperate sort of kiss that allowed for nothing but pure passion. When they pulled away, they both had trouble catching their breath. Harry looked into Hermione's eyes for a while, not saying anything.

“ I love you too, Mione” Harry whispered as he pulled her closer. They sat there, wrapped around each other, taking and giving comfort, for a very long time before going to bed.

The next week showed Harry exactly how grueling his schedule would be. He was up every morning at seven, and down in the clearing to train with Lupin by quarter to eight every morning. Although Harry was learning very little that was new, he was building his strength and honing all of his new skills. Lupin drove him very hard, but no more than Harry expected of himself. At lunch he and Hermione would grab food from the great hall and eat either by the lake, or fly to their spot if the school grounds seemed too crowded.. Harry learned to treasure these lunches as he saw very little of Hermione outside of them. They would of course see each other after Harry's tutoring sessions, but Ron was usually around then, and it wasn't quite the same.

Rowen too, was working Harry very hard, she expected nothing but the best from him in his school work. Harry found himself simply exhausted by the time he returned to the common room, but still trying to make time to spend with his friends. Above and beyond all this, Harry was still plagued at night by dreams, and thoughts of murder. His growing sense of fear and loathing for himself did not seem to be improving in any way. After two weeks of this, Harry had almost reached his breaking point. He felt he needed to talk to someone, but didn't want to burden his friends with this.

He finally decided to speak to Rowen, as he felt she would understand his feelings on the matter. He was studying in her room one night, waiting for her to return, when he thought he could brooch the topic.

“ Rowen, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Harry stated as soon as she re entered the room, looking more pale than usual. She smiled wanly at him, and sat in the chair opposite him.

“ What did you want to talk about Harry?” She asked in a tired voice. Harry glanced at her with concern.

“ Well, I don't really know how to ask this without being really blunt.” Harry started, not knowing if he could actually continue with his line of questioning. Rowen simply smiled her encouragement. “ Does it bother you? Killing people? Does it haunt you? I feel like it's going to be a stain that I will never fully wash off. How do you do it?” he asked all at once.

“ Oh Harry...” Rowen said softly. “ I don't have an easy answer for you, I'm sorry. It isn't something that gets easier with time... but you have to tell yourself, this is not murder in your case. It's justifiable homicide. I know that the difference is slight, especially to you, but Harry think of what he's done. What he will do if you fail. I have no words to make this easier for you Harry. Nothing can defeat the demons that haunt you except yourself.” Rowen paused as if searching for the words.

“ I have killed Harry, and it still haunts me to this day. I killed out of self preservation only, during times of war, but none of those justifications make it any easier. I can only say- you need to be strong, Harry. At times you feel such self hatred that it seems hopeless. But try to remember that it's not just for you that you are doing this. It's for everyone, Hermione, Ron, your teachers, your school... I hope that this doesn't make you angrier. I have never had to cope with what you do Harry. Carrying the hopes of all these people is a heavy burden indeed. But you are one of the strongest people I've ever met. I believe that you can do this. In the end, it's really all I can offer you. My belief and my undying support.”

Harry thought about her words. He was disappointed , he had hoped that she could offer him some comfort about this feeling easing with time. At the same time, however, he appreciated her honesty, and her unwavering support. He knew that the only answer for him was to accept what he had to do, but it was a bitter pill to swallow. He looked up at Rowen who was staring at him somewhat anxiously. He smiled, albeit a small one, to reassure her.

“ I'm a bit worried about you though Rowen.” Harry stated to change the heavy subject. “ You haven't seemed really well for a while. Even now you look so tired. Is it too hard, teaching classes and tutoring me privately?”

“ Of course not Harry! I have been a little tired lately, but it's just because I'm getting over this stupid winter cold. It never fails, I always get one and it lasts for weeks, no matter what potions I take!” Rowen spoke in a quick tone. Harry wondered at her quick explanation. He was worried that something could be seriously wrong with Rowen, and he made a mental note to ask Professor Snape if he had noticed anything amiss lately.

Later that evening, as Harry was sitting on the sofa with Hermione after Ron had gone to bed, he spoke to her about his worries. Hermione agreed with him that it seemed a little odd that Rowen was so tired, but she pointed out that they were all running on empty.

“ Yeah well, Dumbledore told me in my last Transfiguration lesson that we would be getting the Valentine's weekend off. I know that the Gyffindor/Huffelpuff game is that weekend, but are you free for the rest Miss Granger?” Harry grinned at her.

“ Well I'd have to check my plans..” said Hermione. At this, Harry started tickling her sides, “ Oh all right Harry!” she surrendered, “I'll go, just- please-stop-that!” Hermione gasped out through her laughter. Harry grinned down at her, kissing her softly on the mouth.

“ Well good, cause I would have hate to go with my fall back date- Lavender!” Harry teased. At this Hermione hit him with the throw pillow beside her, and proceeded to thump him with it until Harry pleaded for mercy, solemnly swearing that he would never date Lavender under any circumstances. As they sat staring into the fire, Harry found himself immensely looking forward to the Valentine's weekend, thinking how much of a difference a year could make, both good and bad. Only two weeks to go, he thought with a smile as he sat with his arm around Hermione, neither moving until the flames in the common room fire dyed down to smoldering embers.

A/N: Whoo! And for the record, I wrote this chapter before Half Blood Prince, so the Lavender reference at the end was purely coincidental.... Review please>