A/N: Just one more to get it all out and then I promise that I'll be starting on "Love of a Lifetime." Even if that one is AU now, I don't care. I've got the thoughts together and a bit written (for the record, it'll be much shorter than "Wedding"), but I just wanted to get another "HBP Sucks, change it" fic out of my head.
This one takes place just a bit after HBP. And I put a TV movie quote in here just for fun. It was a mini-series actually.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything HP related, and I don't want those ones anyway. I want these ones.
***
Harry sat in awe. He stared at Bill and Fleur and noted how happy they looked. Bill's face was still a mess, but it was healing better than anyone expected. And it didn't matter to Fleur, apparently, that her husband wanted his meat a great deal on the rare side. (He once told Mrs. Weasley, "No, no! 'Rare' implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me.") But through it all, Fleur stayed with him, cared for him and looked at him as if he was the most handsome man ever.
She could have easily run after Bill's attack, but she didn't. She stayed by him. It was the right thing, not the easy thing.
Dumbledore had said a few years back that all must face the choice between what is right and what is easy. And Harry had spent those years thinking about what he meant.
Of course, he understood what Dumbledore was insinuating back then, but even in the last few weeks those words were meaning more and more.
Dumbledore had also said, "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are." Well, he felt that lately his choices weren't saying much about him. He really couldn't think of one decision from the previous year that made him proud (with the exception being - maybe - going with Dumbledore to get the Horcrux - but even that was a bust).
He glanced out onto the "dance floor" (which was just a space in the open field at the Burrow). There was Ginny. She looked beautiful, as usual. But they kept their distance as Harry asked at the end of the year … at Dumbledore's funeral. It hurt, but it was important for her safety.
Lately, however, there was another ache in Harry's heart - Hermione.
For the two weeks that Harry spent at the Dursley's, he had done a lot of thinking and he had a dream one night where Sirius came to talk to him.
"Harry, what's troubling you?" Sirius asked.
"Well, aside from the fact that I know about a prophecy concerning me that pretty much says 'Kill or be killed'? And aside from watching Dumbledore die before my eyes at the hand of a man I never trusted anyway? And aside from knowing that I somehow have to find 5 objects that may or may not have tiny pieces of Voldemort's soul in them?"
"Yeah, besides all that."
"It would just be nice to have the easy road offered every now and then."
Sirius laughed. "Yes, I suppose that would be nice. But we know better, don't we?"
Harry sadly nodded.
"So, there's something else you're not telling me, Harry. Which easy road are you trying to take?"
"Love," Harry replied.
"How did I know that? Well, what has got you tied up in knots?"
"Alright. Well, see, I dated Ginny for a little bit last year. And everything seemed to just fall into place with her. She loves Quidditch, she's got a great sense of humor, she's pretty …"
"But she's not Hermione," Sirius simply stated.
And there the dream ended.
It was staring him in the face … easy vs. right. Of course loving Ginny was easy. She was part of a family that he adored, she had such perfect personality traits, but still, even before the dream, Harry knew she was missing something.
Then it came to him. She didn't know him - not like he wanted to be known, at least. She knew all about his past (who didn't?) and she knew a good bit about his present, but she didn't know enough.
Ginny knew nothing of the prophecy, the most important thing in his life right now. She didn't know about all the adventures he had trying to get rid of Voldemort every year. Ginny didn't know his hopes and his fears. Ginny didn't know his soul. Only one woman knew all of that … Hermione.
But Harry had such a difficult time wrapping his head around that thought. Hermione. Sure, he had thought for years that she was pretty, even when no one else did. And sure, he did risk everything to save her from a troll, even when they barely knew each other. And yeah, she did risk everything to help him day after day, year after year. *Sigh*
It was that bloody kiss! That was Harry's conclusion. That kiss on the train platform that started it all! Before that, Hermione was just a pretty girl that he hung out with, did homework with, laughed with. Not LOVED! But then she kissed him and turned his world upside down. That kiss made him re-think everything in his life. She was so worried about him that year. She was the only one who would believe him that he didn't put his name in that stupid cup. She brought him toast. Not that toast was a terribly romantic food, but the gesture was. And the next year, she stood by him while he dealt with the DA and Umbridge and … the Cho debacle.
Yet, it was Hermione. She was his best friend, even more so than Ron, truth be told. And that was the issue. He couldn't imagine doing anything that would change his relationship with her. He couldn't sacrifice his friendship with her just because he may have had some growing feelings. No, he wouldn't give in like that. There was Voldemort to worry about and Hermione's life as well. Even after all that happened that year, even though he desperately wanted love, Harry pushed aside his needs for her safety.
Then it happened, that stupid beast that wanted inside of Harry's chest. He didn't know what it was, but it was certainly there. Lust. He was a teenage boy and there were hormones that he wasn't even aware of coursing through his body. Hermione was obviously off-limits, so there was Ginny - beautiful, funny, Quidditch-loving, wonderful-family-having Ginny. What boy in his right mind wouldn't fancy her?
But then, as quickly and as surprisingly as it had begun, it was over. He still harbored feelings for her (though with this time apart, they were diminishing quickly), but he couldn't risk her life. He would once again sacrifice his feelings to keep those in his heart safe.
It was an awful internal struggle. Those hormones hated him for his decisions. First Hermione, then the stupid moments with Cho, and now Ginny.
Why wasn't he entitled to any happiness?
He glanced out onto the dance floor again. Ginny was laughing with her new sister-in-law. Quite a change from over the last summer. But, feelings change. Harry could attest to that, in spades.
But he noticed that Hermione was no longer out there. He looked around and saw her heading for the house. She seemed to be crying.
Unable to stay seated, Harry jumped up to follow her.
"Hermione!" he called as he entered the front door. "Hermione, where did you go?"
"Harry?" he heard a small voice reply.
"Of course it's me. Are you ok?"
She sniffed. "I will be."
He followed the sound of her voice to the couch. There she was, curled up in her beautiful pink dress, with her hair all done up.
"What happened?" he asked.
She shook her head, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it.
Harry motioned for her to sit up and she did so. He sat by her and she put her head on his shoulder. He put an arm around her. "Hermione, come on. You're clearly upset about something. Talk to me."
She gave another sniff. "It's Ron."
"Ron?"
She nodded. "We … broke up."
"You were dating?"
"Well, sort of. I mean, we never made it official, but we had moments throughout last year. You know, when I was a bit off-kilter?"
Harry just nodded, trying not to push her into "off-kilter" again.
"I don't even know what my problem was with him. I mean, I was over him. Sure, I fancied him in our fourth year a bit, maybe even third, but come on! I was 14 back then. I'm 17 now. I'd at least like to think I matured past that! I think that spell I got hit with in the Department of Mysteries made me act strange. A bit of a Dr. Granger/Mrs. Hyde thing. I don't think I really wanted him nearly as much as I thought I did. I was just jealous of … I don't even know what."
"Merlin, I'm still so sorry about all of that. You never should have been hit by that spell. I should have been paying more attention! I should have --"
"Harry!" she interrupted. "I'm fine. A bit mood swing-y, but better that than looking like Bill. Oh, Merlin! Listen to me, talking like that. How mean! I'm so sorry, Harry."
"You'd still be beautiful," he murmured, ignoring her rant on sounding mean.
Hermione blushed. "I doubt Ron would have said that."
"Well, Ron's a fool."
"I can't disagree with you right now," Hermione said with a tiny smile.
"Did you kiss him?" Harry blurted out, amazed at the jealousy that leaked out with that question.
Hermione nodded slowly. "Just a few times, though. I was always very hesitant."
Harry nodded as well. He knew Hermione would rather cuddle than have a snogfest. Merlin! How did he know that?
"So what happened just now?" he asked.
"He was pushing too hard, again. He wanted to sneak off somewhere and 'finally get to second base.' Harry, I don't even know what second base is!"
"Neither do I, to be honest," Harry replied. "Well, as long as you told him no, he should respect that!"
"That's what I said. I mean, we weren't even a real couple yet! Just because he got so bloody far with Lavender did not mean that I was going to be like that!"
"Of course not! And how dare he think otherwise!" Harry said as he stood.
Hermione sniffed again and pulled him back down. "Don't go all over-protective on me!"
"Hermione! Ron was behaving like the very guys we vowed to protect you from!"
"Yes, well, that's Ron for you. And what vow?"
"Well, there wasn't a blood oath or anything. More of an unspoken thing."
"I see."
"Come here," he said, encouraging her to lay her head on his lap. She laid on her side, facing away from him. "Hermione, I will protect you from anyone. Ron, Malfoy, Voldy himself if I have to," he told her, gently stroking her hair.
"Harry, don't make promises you can't keep."
"Hermione, you are the most important person in this world to me. I'll take anyone on if it means saving your life."
"You don't mean that, Harry. You love Ginny."
Harry shook his head. "I have feelings for Ginny, but it's not love. Not by a long shot."
"How do you know?"
Harry shrugged. "I guess I don't know how I know. I just do. I don't have a lot of experience with love, or anything of the sort. But I guess I always expected love to hit me like a ton of bricks since I had never known it before."
"And did it?"
"Not exactly. I thought it did. I saw other guys with Ginny and thought I wanted them all dead. Probably lucky that I've learned to rein in the magic a little better or I could have been in big trouble." He gave a little laugh. "So, I figured that I was in love. I was so happy! I mean, I had finally found what I wanted all my life. But it didn't last long. We had things to talk about and laugh about and I didn't mind looking at her, but I kept thinking that there had to be more. There had to be more than just talking, laughing and looking. I knew there was more. My parents surely had more than just talking, laughing and looking. I needed trust, I needed compassion, understanding, a certain just-knowing what the other person needs. I couldn't tell you once what Ginny needed and I obviously didn't trust her enough with the prophecy. I never told her about the Horcruxes, or my plan to go find them. Did she ever know what I needed? Did she know me beyond what everyone else knows?"
"Well, she has spent summers with you at the Burrow," Hermione offered.
"So has Ron, so has Fred and George. Do they know anymore than you?"
"Well …"
"Exactly. It wasn't love. I just know that. It was nice and I suppose I'm glad I experienced it. But it wasn't love. I couldn't spend my life with Ginny. She's not you."
Hermione and Harry gasped at the same time as the words came from his mouth.
"You didn't mean that," Hermione whispered as she rolled onto her back to look up at him.
"Actually, I think I did."
"No, no, no. Harry, you couldn't have. I worked so hard to get you out of my bloody system!" she shouted as she sat up and turned away from him.
He paused. "You … felt it too?"
"Are you serious?" she said as she spun around to face him. "I've felt it since I met you! But I would never want to ruin our friendship, Harry. You're my best friend - my first friend. You are basically the only person I trust. And I have a hard time trusting people. I just never want to jump unless I'm sure somebody is going to catch me."
"I'll catch you. And if I miss for any reason, I'll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health."
She laughed. "Harry! See, this is what I meant. I loved us, just as we are. I was too scared of the changes that could happen. I could never lose you."
"That's why I never told you."
"We've been fools. We had to try to be so bloody noble!"
"Well, we are Gryffindors," Harry joked.
Hermione gave a bitter laugh. "Maybe we're Gryffindors to a fault."
"Perhaps. But I don't think Godric ever had this in mind when he decided on his house attributes. Besides, we've fallen short of the bravery aspect."
Hermione nodded.
"But it's better this way. And I actually wish we wouldn't have said anything at all," Harry said.
She opened her mouth to protest but he put a finger to her lips.
"Wait. Hear me out. These are amazing revelations we're sharing and nothing makes me happier than to know that you have feelings for me like I do for you, but at the same time, nothing makes me sadder. Hermione, this is why I broke up with Ginny. I didn't want to put her in any danger."
"I'm already in danger! Remember, Muggle parents? 'Down with Mudbloods' and the like?"
"Don't say that! I hate hearing that word because it's a filthy word and there's nothing about you that isn't beautiful."
Hermione blushed.
"Harry, please don't do what I think you're going to do."
"I have to. I have to control what I'm feeling to keep you safe. I told you, I'd do anything to keep you safe and if this is it, then so be it."
"You're not going to stop me from coming with you and finding the Horcruxes, you know."
"Yeah, I know. I'd love to stop you, but I know better."
"You're not going to lose me, you know."
"That's the problem, I don't know. I told you I would do everything I could to protect you, but what if I fail? I've lost so many close to me."
"Harry! Do not start thinking like that or Riddle's already won! Listen to me. You will not lose me, ok? Because I lov-"
"Don't say it, Hermione, please."
"Why not?"
"Because I can't stand it right now. I don't want to hear it until this is all over."
"That's stupid."
Harry laughed. That was his Hermione.
"Maybe it is. But it gives me something to wait for, something to win for."
"What, I'm not good enough?" she teased.
"On the contrary, you're everything. But I'm a greedy guy. I want you and those three little words waiting for me once I finally rid the world of that bastard. Ok?"
"I guess so. But you're going to get those three words in abundance then, ok?" she said like he did.
"That's brilliant."
"So, what about Ron and Ginny?" Hermione cautiously asked.
"I … I don't know. I mean, you and Ron are probably officially finished and Ginny and I … well, I guess we'll burn that bridge when we come to it. I hate to hurt her, but I've known for the last few weeks that it wouldn't be right between us. And Sirius agrees."
"Sirius?"
"Long story … one I will be happy to tell you once this war is over. And we can finally deal with every other mess staring us in the face."
"Especially Ron and Ginny," she said sadly.
"Yes, but it wouldn't be fair to string them along. Better to have clean breaks and be done with it. And maybe good will come from it. I think I saw Neville trying to catch Ginny's eye earlier in the year."
"And that didn't make you jealous?" she teased.
"No, that was pre-Beastly-Harry," he laughed.
"Beastly?"
"It's a guy thing," he said with a shrug.
"Well, regardless, I saw Neville staring at her as well. And I think Luna's been fancying Ron since our fourth year."
"Hmmm, a whole new reason to make it back … matchmaking!"
Hermione laughed.
"You know, never in a million years did I think I would come in here and confess things to you. I just wanted to know why you were crying," Harry said.
"Suddenly I'm not as mad at Ron."
"Well, I am!"
"Calm down! Now is not the time."
"And it was the right time to try to molest you?!"
"Harry, do you honestly believe I'd let him get away with something like that?"
"Well … no …"
"There you go." Hermione smiled and began to lean in to Harry. He leaned in as well and their lips met. It was a chaste and sweet first kiss, but Harry would let it go no further.
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked as Harry pulled away.
"Lots of things. One - we can't get caught like this. Not in the house of both our exes. Two - we need to have clear minds now. Tomorrow we leave to find the next Horcrux. Three - I'm saving more up for when this is all over." He winked at her.
She giggled. "Prat." Then she began to think. "So, we'll have to be extra careful, especially around Ron."
"Yeah. We're going to need him to keep a clear head more than anything. He won't be able to if he knows you and I are different. We're just going to have to keep up the charade until this is over to keep you safe from everyone."
She nodded. "I hope we can do that."
"Don't make me memory charm you, Miss Granger."
"Fine. Just know that I'm going to hold you to that kiss and that declaration of love, Mr. Potter."
"Fair enough. Now, let's go collect Mr. Grabby-hands and head to bed. We've got an early start tomorrow."
They both stood up.
"Harry, you go get him. I'm just heading to bed," she said softly.
"Of course. Want me to talk to him?"
"No. If he says anything to you, maybe talk to him. But otherwise, just let it go. He's definitely a bit drunk."
"Never could hold his liquor. All right, sweetheart, pleasant dreams." He kissed her forehead.
"Good night, Harry."
"Good night, Hermione."
As he watched her climb the stairs to her room, Harry understood what Dumbledore meant. Of course, there were the easy and right roads concerning evil and good, but it applied to all things in life. And Hermione suddenly made taking the right road so easy.
***
A/N: This may be the first fic that I wrote in which they didn't officially end up together at the end. But I'll leave that open for Book 7 (or the fic I'll have to write to replace Book 7 in my own head).
The Dumbledore quote about right and easy is technically from somewhere between "Goblet of Fire": the movie and GoF: the book. I figure that if the filmmakers can blur it, so can I. The choices quote is taken directly from "Chamber of Secrets". I own no aspects of those movies / books, except the DVD and the hardback copies themselves.
Anyway, the (first) TV movie quote was quite early on in the chapter and was from "The Tenth Kingdom." Did anyone see that? It was fantastic.
Wolf: No, no! "Rare" implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me.
And after reading the quotes for this at the IMDB, I found another one that I stuck in. Bonus points to those that found:
Virginia: I have a hard time trusting people. I
just never want to jump unless I'm sure somebody is going to catch me.
Wolf: I'll catch you. And if I miss for any
reason, I'll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health.
I wish I could claim that line, but I can't.
Ok, back to "Lifetime" now … I promise.