Protect
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. Duh…. Don't sue me.
---------------------------------------
I was only a fourth year when I first saw her for, well, her. I'd seen her in passing, before. I'd seen her in class, and she looked like any other girl. She would take notes and curl her hair around her finger; she would answer questions when asked, and whisper with her friends when the professor's back was turned, just like everyone else. I'd seen her in the halls, her laughter ringing, her auburn hair swaying with her movements, her books clutched to her chest. From all this, I couldn't tell that she was any different from any other girl in Hogwarts.
But she was.
I had been waiting for my friends in Hogsmeade, outside the Three Broomsticks. I'd gone down without them, since they had gotten up late and were still eating. I was leaning against the wall, next to the door. By chance, it swung open, and there she stood. Lily Evans.
I was surprised to find her unaccompanied by her gaggle of friends, but then again, she could often be seen alone if I bothered to look. She looked at me in surprise, as well. Then she smiled. It dazzled me, her face lit with such happiness to see me, even though I barely knew the girl. Her smile shone brighter than the sun, and seemed to make everything about her glow.
"Are you waiting for someone?" She asked me.
I blinked, still dazed. "Er… Yeah." I managed, gathering my bearings.
"Me too." She replied, her smile's initial dazzle fading. "Could I wait with you?"
"Sure." I replied, trying to regain my composure. I couldn't seem to keep my cool anymore. But she didn't notice my fidgeting, or ignored it if she did, as she leaned against the building next to me.
"Who are you waiting for?" She asked.
"Uh, my friends, Sirius, Remus, Peter. You know them, right?" I said, managing to get myself together.
"I've heard of them. But then, who hasn't?" She asked, flashing me another smile, and turning those bright green eyes on me.
"Er… R-right." I stuttered, once again thrown off. How could she smile like that? It was so bright it was almost blinding. It was so undeniably happy that it made everything seem okay. It almost made me believe there weren't any killings, or suspicion floating about, everything was perfect, and there wasn't any war looming over the horizon.
"Who are you waiting for?" I asked, trying to distract her while I got myself together again.
Lily looked away from me, her smile fading away a bit. Once those bright emerald eyes weren't watching me, I was able to relax. They were so deep, so penetrating that I felt as if she could see right through me, to all my dark secrets. She stared distantly across the street for a moment before replying.
"I don't know." She said at last.
I stared at her. She shifted her gaze back to mine, as if sensing my gaze upon her. I suddenly felt nervous once more as her eyes stared into mine. I coughed, averting my gaze. "H-how can you not know?" I asked.
I felt her eyes shift away from me again. She stared out at nothing for a moment, as if thinking. She sighed and looked up. Then she said, "I don't know who I'm waiting for. It could be anybody. I'm just waiting for someone who looks lonely to come along."
"What? Why? Don't you want to spend time with your friends?" I asked, my curiosity overcoming my discomfort. I'd never realized she was so... Odd. Did she always speak in riddles? Whenever she answered a teacher's questions, she always spoke in a direct way, yet her definitions were never those of a textbook's.
"I don't know why." She replied, tilting her head back to rest it against the rough brick of the wall. Her hair glinted in the sunlight, and I couldn't help but be fascinated by the shimmering patterns formed a halo around her head. "I guess it's because my friends have plenty of other friends… And, well, I'd rather be with someone lonely so… They're not lonely anymore."
I blinked at her. She smiled at me, looking at me without turning her head. I shook my head at her, and her smile grew wider. What an odd thing to do. Did she honestly think that she could just randomly wander around Hogsmeade with someone who looked lonely? What was she talking about?
"So you'd rather waste time with someone you probably don't know well?" I demanded.
She shrugged, still smiling. Did she ever stop? "Well, if I spend time with them, then I'll know them better. Besides, I don't know you very well, and you looked rather lonely, so I decided to wait with you." She replied brightly.
I stared at her, and she stared back, her sparkling emerald eyes, well, sparkling. I had never thought about anything like that. Was she always like this? Was she always so happy, that she could make even the bleakest topics sound like they were discussing the cure for world hunger?
"Erm, thanks, I guess." I muttered.
At that moment the door to the Three Broomsticks opened and out walked a small group of Hogwarts students. I quickly spotted the silver and green scarves a few of them were sporting. Slytherins. I sneered at them, and they sneered back. Slimy gits. Future Death Eaters, the lot of them.
Once they had passed, I looked back at Lily. She was looking at me with a perplexed expression on her face. What was it now? She shook her head, and I felt as if I were about to get a scolding, for some reason. The action reminded me of the way my mother would shake her head and cluck her tongue disapprovingly, I suppose.
"Why did you give those people that look?"
"What look?" I asked stupidly.
"You gave them a dirty look." She informed me.
"Oh…" I muttered, feeling oddly guilty. For some reason, I suddenly felt as if I had committed some terrible crime. "Well, they're Slytherin, and you can't trust a Slytherin, they're slimy little gits." I explained.
Lily shook her head again. "Not all Slytherins can be untrustworthy. I'm sure some of them are perfectly nice people."
I snorted. "Not likely." I replied, but I knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment it left my mouth.
She smiled at me, shaking her head yet a third time. When she looked at me again, I could see pity in her eyes. Why was she pitying me? Didn't she see their greasy little souls? Or was I the blind one? Somehow, Lily seemed to make me feel like a guilty and dirty person…
"Oh, look." She said brightly.
"What?" I asked, glancing at her.
She was crouching down, her hand reaching for something on the ground. I saw the shine of a knut from beneath her fingers. It was a dirty and grimy knut. Old and disgusting. Still, she picked it up, and it seemed even more disgusting in contrast to her slender, pale fingers. She looked at it for a moment, before putting it back down in the dirt and grime. She straitened again, smiling brightly at me.
"Why'd you put it back?" I asked, puzzled.
She sighed in exasperation, as if I should have already known. "I put it back face up." She replied patiently. "So the next person that finds it can have good luck."
I stared at her, and she simply beamed back. She was so… Innocent. She was like a saint. But I knew that wouldn't last. Saints didn't exist anymore; they were a thing of the past. No one was innocent for long. In this world, the innocent were tainted quickly, like a rapidly spreading disease.
Even so, as I leaned against the wall with her, seeing her smiling like everything was right with the world… I couldn't help believing it was.
She seemed so happy. She was so innocent, so naïve. She would look at the Slytherins and see the good in them. She could look at me, and make me feel like I was a horrible, evil person. She could make me feel like I didn't deserve to be standing next to her, talking to her. Because she was so innocent. And I wasn't.
She was like a clear pool, untouched by modern day, still clean and unpolluted. I felt that, by interacting with her, my pollution would mix with her water. I felt like I was kick mud into her clear pool. I felt so dirty in comparison.
She would never survive in this world. She was like a delicate flower, which would soon be crushed beneath the evil of the world. She didn't belong here. The world was so tainted, so dirty. It would only contaminate her if she stayed too long. She didn't deserve to feel the harsh reality.
She would be stained by the coming war. She was too pure for her own good. She'd just become spoiled in the end. She thinks she can change the world, that there is always good in people, but she's wrong. And that will be her downfall. She has such faith in people… In people that don't deserve it.
And I can't help but want to protect her. Protect her from the cold world out there, threatening to destroy her and who she is. I want to keep her safe and pure. I know I probably can't, and I know that by protecting her, I'll probably only taint her myself, but I can't help this feeling.
I want to protect her… From the world… And all the dirt that live in it.
---------------------------------------
AN: Well, I hoped people liked this. I rather liked writing it. I've never read a Lily/James story with Lily a total saint before (XD). Anyway, this was my take on why James was pursuing Lily for so long and stuff. I dunno. I thought it was cute…
-->