A.N. Okay! This is my first short fic. It's a Harry monologue at the beginning and then develops. Stick with me on this one, it does have an end. Please R&R.
Patience is a Virtue
You know that moment where everything around you completely falls to pieces? It feels like the Earth just shattered beneath your feet and your falling (and or rather plummeting) towards nothingness at a speed Newton couldn't even define?
I've been trying to define that feeling for a good few weeks. Sadly, nothing worth explaining has turned up.
I've sat here, in this chair by that great fireplace night after night contemplating the meaning of this feeling. It's like a small tug at the bottom of your stomach that starts it then plummeting is all you can do.
Seamus has been sitting beside me for a few nights just talking in his general Irish accent. He's been trying to "get me out of this bloody mood". No doubt put up to it by my one and only redheaded best friend. He tries, really he tries and I have to give him points for it.
My other best friend will be in the library researching possible counter-curses for uncontrollable think mode. Said best friend would also come up into the common room every night after her daily trip to the library and ask the same question night after night no matter what answer I gave the night previously.
"Is everything alright?"
And my answer has always been, "Yes. Everything's fine."
But she knows and I know that everything is not "fine." Everything is much more complicated than "fine."
It's the Seventh year now. The older students have left; Fred and George have taken up different roles surprisingly. Fred joined the Puddlemere United Quidditch team and George has gone to work with Charlie in Romania.
'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes' is still in progress, funded by the twin's wages and me, a secret investor ever since my fourth year. I get new products sent to me once a year and free tickets to any Puddlemere United match.
Since it's Seventh year, Dumbledore's been asking me to take up tutoring students from the Duelling Club again. He hasn't pressured me for an answer, but he has asked Draco and Ron to step in until I come around, which, in all honesty, I don't think will be for a while.
Every time I have my little thinking session in front of the blazing fire, I always think about past events. Mr Weasley told me that I should laugh at what life gives me. It's not given me anything to laugh about so far, not entirely though. Not everything has been an uphill trek.
My mind leaks back to Cedric's death on occasion. No matter how hard Ron and Hermione have tried I still can't help blaming myself for it. I don't think I ever will. I know some of the older students blamed for it as well, especially Cho, but who was I to argue against her?
She lost her boyfriend, her best friend and the young man she truly loved because I wouldn't accept Hogwarts' victory prize without him. If everything was the other way around, I mean, if I were in Cho's position, Cedric was Harry Potter and Hermione or Ron died…I think I'd hate me too.
I've had a lot of time to think about this, about losing either Hermione or Ron. Both are my best friends, I would die for both, trudge through all manner of Hell for and still know that they'd do the same for me.
Yet, I don't think that losing Ron would affect me as much as Hermione's would.
I know that it's a terrible thing to think or even say, but it's true. As I said, I've had a lot of time to think about it. Now everything's past, O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s out the window, I see Ron playing a lot more Quidditch and Hermione studying a lot less.
Instead, she's performing Head Girl duties and so forth.
But, if it really came down to it, and Ron was killed, Merlin help me for saying this but I'd just cry then vow undying revenge for my friend. I know that my emotion would run a lot deeper than just crying but if Hermione died…
It'd be like losing part of myself. That's dramatic but not untrue. I wouldn't feel as complete as I do when she'd around. I wouldn't be able to be the same guy ever again. It's strange that I feel that way. If you'd have asked me back in first year who I'd rather had survived the troll attack, then I wouldn't have been able to answer.
Now it doesn't seem that hard a question.
I know I'm an awful person for saying that but I guess I don't lie about my feelings. I ignore them to great lengths but I don't deny or lie about what I know.
I love Ron like I'd love my brother, like part of my family not only because he's accepted me into his family but because he's there for me when I need him like a brother should be.
But with Hermione it's different. I don't love her like I love Ron. I love Ron because I need him in my life, because I don't know what I'd do without him.
I need Hermione in my life because I love her.
Does that make sense?
I've always had a nagging voice in the back of my mind that Hermione knows just how I love her, as does Ron. Although, I don't think Hermione's ignoring it as much as Ron is.
I don't think Hermione's ignoring it at all, and to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if she loved me that way too. It's not like we've been dancing around each other every year avoiding the embarrassing situations.
In our sixth year, Hermione and Ron started dating. It wasn't awkward and I didn't feel jealous. I wasn't the only one on this wavelength about their relationship though. Lavender can be terribly mature sometimes.
We talked often during Hermione and Ron's relationship. We didn't always talk about that, in fact it was barely even a topic. We just felt like we needed someone who was in the same playing field.
What Lavender found strange about Hermione and my platonic/soul-mate type relationship was that we weren't embarrassed about it. We talked openly about it.
After Hermione and Ron's break up (which was surprisingly mutual I might add) Lavender asked us, us being Hermione and I if we'd ever decide to get together.
We simply looked at each other and replied, "We will one day."
It was like we both knew already.
Hermione never believed in Divination and neither did I but we were so sure. Not because she'd had one best friend and since the other was male, she'd have a stab at him too.
No, it was nothing like that. We both knew somehow that we belonged together. I don't believe in soul mates either. I don't believe your soul mate is the person you're destined to fall in love with. I believe your soul mate is your best friend, the one who understands you the most, the person that knows you at your worst and at your best whether they're male or female. If you fall in love with them then so be it.
For me that person is Hermione.
She understands me a lot better than Ron could ever. Not that I doubt Ron as my best friend, but he's the school friend, the one that you grow close too over years and eventually get integrated as part of his family, recognised as another son.
Mr and Mrs Weasley won't acknowledge the summer holidays unless I'm at their house for the last few weeks.
I'm thankful for that. Having a family is what I'm jealous of Ron for having. What's that they say? The grass is always greener on the other side? Ron wants my fame, my fortune, to be the hero and get the girl and I want his family, his life…his damn normal life.
He tries to explain to me why he wants what I apparently have, and each time I explain to him that he can have it all if it meant I could lead a normal, straight forward life.
He got Head Boy though. That was one good thing he could shine with. I'll never tell him that I'd been offered it first and declined it, it'd only add to the inferiority complex he was developing.
My big plan is to have a family and a successful career.
Two in five kids want to be rock stars. Three in five kids want to be actors. Then there's me who wants a normal job and a family.
It's funny how Hermione wants that too.
Ron wants to be famous, to shine out against his brothers. Seamus wants to play professional Quidditch. Dean wants to play professional football. Lavender wants to be a writer. Parvati wants to be a fashion designer. Ginny wants to be a film director.
I want to work in an office, away from crowds of people. At the most, I want to be a writer for a local paper maybe, end my days like Clark Kent did.
The hero gets married and ends up as a by-line in a local newspaper.
Ron doesn't seem to understand that. He says, "Why do want that? You could have everything! Play Quidditch, become an Auror, join the Ministry, have every newspaper in the world at your feet. Why settle for less?"
Is it settling for less? Less than what, Ron? Less than what I deserve? Less than what I could have?
I've never done anything to deserve fame, fortune and world wide newspaper coverage. I don't want to end up in black and white and read all over.
And that's what Ron won't understand for years to come, until he develops some sort of worldly knowledge.
I'm not a hero; I don't rescue people on a daily basis. I don't risk my life every single day. I'm just a scared little boy frightened he won't fit in with the world he's thrust into.
But here I am in my plaid pyjama bottoms and white T-shirt, sitting in front of the fireplace again contemplating life's great mysteries. Seamus is sitting on the couch again debating why Quidditch is so much better than any game the Muggles ever came up with. Ron is upstairs catching up on his sleep and Hermione still hasn't come back from the library.
Speaking of Hermione, I'm still waiting for that day to come.
And I'm fed up of waiting.
~)*(~
Seamus was surprised when I stood up abruptly from my normal chair. He'd asked me where I was going even followed me to the Charms corridor.
I said, "I'm just going for a walk alone, Seamus. Need to let off some steam, you know?"
And he didn't follow after that. He must've understood.
I walked down the Charms corridor, not knowing and yet somehow knowing where my feet were taking my body.
And there I was, stood outside the huge Library arch.
I pushed the huge door open and walked inside. Lanterns were still on and a light heat haze drifted around the room. The huge fireplace at the front blazed with an ongoing flame.
Madame Pince was sitting at her desk as usual, reading a large book no less. She looked up and saw me. She looked surprised.
"I haven't seen you in here for a while, Mr Potter," She smiled lightly. "I didn't expect I would see you again until graduation day."
She paused for a moment then continued. "Miss Granger is in the back if you came to see her. I'm closing up in another half-hour."
I nodded and walked to the back of the Library.
There was my best bushy haired friend; head rested on the desk and breathing soundly.
I had to smile. I'd found Hermione asleep in the library before but that was during exams and when her schedule was over the top in third year. Now there was nothing left to study for yet she was asleep.
Quietly, I walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. She stirred and woke up just as I pulled out the chair next to her and sat down.
"Nice to see you up and about," she yawned stretching up into the air. "I thought it would take
forever to snap you out of your thinking."
I smiled my trademark lop-sided grin. "Missed me then?"
"Like toothache," she replied jokingly earning a small, playful punch on the shoulder.
"How many times have you fallen asleep in here?" I asked, picking up one of her many books lay on the desk and had a quick thumb through.
She shrugged. "Quite a few times. I just wanted to…escape, for lack of a better word."
"You escape to books? Books laden with cryptic words no less," I set the book back down on the desk, this time I'd earned a playful punch on the shoulder.
Sighing, Hermione rested her head on my shoulder. "Want to escape to the Astronomy Tower for a bit?"
I grinned. "Why there?"
I felt her shrug again. "Just want to…see the stars."
She yawned fully, raising her hand to her mouth like a lady, making me yawn in turn. After a yawn chain, Hermione stood up and packed her books away into her bag and then deposited her bag behind one of the large bookcases behind our table.
She then reached out for my hand with a smile and took me out of the library, down several corridors and hallways and up to the Astronomy Tower.
Once safely within the confines of the Tower, we walked out onto the balcony together and looked up the tiny twinkling stars above.
It amazed me how these twinkling lights, although small from Earth's surface, were huge planets and stars swimming in vast constellations and galaxies spread about across the Universe.
In the grand scheme of things, I was insignificant; a small flash on a gigantic timeline somewhere, at my end as soon as I began. And looking up at the night's sky in all its sparkling brightness reminded me of that. No matter how big we seem to each other and ourselves, we're tiny grains of sand on a Universal shore.
"Harry?" Hermione asked making me look across at her. She was leaning arms crossed on the balcony railing looking at me with a large smile on her face.
"Yeah?" I replied with the same lop-sided grin that I always had.
Her eyes seemed to twinkle as she eyed me intently, as she always did when she wanted to tell me something that was just for me, nobody else.
She bit on her bottom lip as she smiled. "I think today's the day."
I smiled back and looked up into the night's sky. "I think you mean tonight's the night."
She laughed a little, the laugh she only uses when she's with me. I skilfully dubbed it 'Secret Laugh' to which she'd laughed the 'Secret Laugh'.
"Well, I guess tonight's the night then," she replied.
I looked back down as she carried on. "Do you want to go first? Me being the female and all? Or should I?"
"You can if you like," I smiled and leaned against the balcony.
She smiled again and took a deep breath then plunged in. "I love you, Harry."
It was that tugging feeling again at the bottom of my stomach; just a small tug but enough to make me notice it.
"I know," I replied. "I love you too."
She nodded in agreement and leaned on the balcony again.
It wasn't a major revelation. It wasn't like it was in the movies where they just fall into each other's arms and declare their undying affection after bountiful kisses. This was real, mature love. Immature love is movie style love.
We had the romantic setting, the perfect timing and the undying love. We weren't lacking in anything except a script and a director.
It's like I said before; I need Hermione because I love her. That's mature love. That's real love. That's what her relationship with Ron was lacking.
I turned to look at her again to find her looking at me with the same smile and the same twinkle in her eyes.
I smiled back and stood straight, taking her hand in mine and pulling her towards me, my lips finding hers and my arms wrapping around her waist.
This kiss was everything and nothing all at once. It was something people did on a daily basis and yet something I could never get enough of. With each sweep of her tongue against mine, I felt like I was drinking her in.
It was intoxicating and I felt light-headed with each movement of her fingers across my nape.
We pulled back at the same time and leaned our foreheads against one another's.
"Now I know I really love you," She smiled tucking her fingers under the collar of my shirt protectively and traced light circles on my shoulders.
"And you didn't know before?" I asked jokingly.
"Of course I did," She replied in her usual I-Know-Everything tone. "But I know now because I don't want anybody but you to ever kiss me like that again."
I grinned and kissed her lightly again. "Me neither."
She smiled happily and rested her head on my chest allowing me to rest my chin on the top of her head.
"You know," she began. "I'm glad you didn't become Head Boy."
I raised an eyebrow at the seemingly unromantic statement. "Why?"
She lifted her head flashed that twinkle of her deep brown eyes in mine. She reached up kissed me again, curling her hand around my neck holding my mouth in place.
When she pulled back, she grinned at me in a seductive manner. "If you were Head Boy, we'd have to fight over whose bed we slept in tonight."
"I don't think we should 'sleep' together yet," I advised, amazed at my own wisdom and straightforward thinking.
"I know that," she replied rolling her eyes and leaning back in my arms and crossing her own across her chest. "But it still doesn't mean I don't want to wake up next to you. I've waited, what, two years now for this day/night to come. I'm not wasting the good few weeks we have left in school on sleeping in different beds because, honestly, we have to get used to it and…"
She just trailed off as she looked at me. I leaned forward this time and pressed my lips against hers preventing further babbling. She laughed at first as I did when our lips pressed together but the laughter soon faded and I felt her eyelids flutter closed against my cheeks
She was right though; we did have to get used to it because there was no way on Earth that I was letting us stay apart for the whole summer. We'd have to get that dorm room sorted at Eton University.
"I love you," I whispered against her lips. It was almost inaudible but I knew she'd heard me when she pressed down a little harder on my lips.
"I love you too," she whispered back and kissed me one last time before taking my hand in hers again and leading me out of the Astronomy Tower.
"Bedtime, I think," she grinned happily as I spoke the password to the Fat Lady.
For a moment, the Fat Lady refused to open the portrait and just looked at us standing in front of her with silly grins plastered on our faces. "And where have you two been? One of the Weasley boys has been looking for you."
"Why doesn't she say Ron's name?" I asked entering the Gryffindor common room and closing the portrait behind us.
"Too many Gryffindor Weasley's to deal with," Hermione laughed.
It was when we walked into the common room and everyone stood still that we knew it was that day/night. We weren't the only ones waiting for it.
"'Bout bloody time an all," Seamus' thick Irish accent drifted from the couch. "Had us all a bit worried when you got up and walked out, Harry."
Hermione just looked at me with the 'let's-go-to-bed' eyes she'd had on before.
Just as we were walking up to the Head Girl's bedroom, all eyes in the Gryffindor common room following us, the portrait opened and Lavender and Ron walked in hand in hand.
They noticed us heading upstairs hand in hand and Ron grinned before turning to the other Gryffindors.
"Did somebody already say 'about time'?" He asked with a laugh.
Dean spoke up. "Yeah. Seamus beat you too it."
Lavender smiled her knowing, mature smile. "I'm glad."
Without further ado, Lavender and Ron followed up the stairs but headed on up to the Head Boy's room. Now they were a couple who would be sleeping together tonight.
Hermione opened the Head Girl's door for me and officially invited me in as her boyfriend, warning me not to try anything.
I laughed and stepped inside. I'd been in her room thousands of times before, stayed the night in her bed with her as well when there'd been a bad thunderstorm. She'd spent the night huddled against me whispering "It's just a storm, it's just two clouds crashing together."
She went into the bathroom, no doubt to get ready for bed and I climbed beneath her sheets. Hermione's double bed was always warmer than mine, it seems to send a small tingle up my spine when I first lie down on it.
She came into her bedroom moments later, just as I was settling down, quietly drifting to sleep. She whispered something and the lights turned off. Pulling back the sheets a little, she climbed in next to me and snuggled up.
I wrapped my arm over her waist and brought her closer, kissing her gently goodnight. She smiled and pushed me down flat on my back so she could rest her head on my chest.
Within minutes, she was asleep and breathing quietly. It was only when she'd fallen asleep that I really thought about it. We'd waited for this day/night to come for two years, both silently anticipating it patiently and not breathing a word about it.
And then, here we are, sharing the same bed on that day/night, accepting that we're meant to be this way: together.
I felt that same feeling again as I looked at her. She even bit her lip in her sleep. She had a smile, a gorgeous smile that lit up her whole face with a translucent glow.
I kissed her head and knew that in the morning she'd still be here, hugging me as I sleep and tomorrow I'd still have that plummeting feeling.
But even though the Earth just shattered beneath my feet, I feel like I've already hit the bottom.
And I couldn't ask for more.
AN: Thank you for sticking with me through my first short fic!!!!
I was worried that my Muse (as much as i love her) would go overboard. She can be a bit of a cow at times.
Well, anyway, thanks so much!!!!
I love feedback about my writing so please Review!!