Hey all,
I just wrote this in about half an hour based on an idea I had. I hope it makes sense, I haven't read it over, just wrote it and posted it. It's a one shot, there will not be a follow-up piece to this one.
Anyway, hope you like it and let me know what you think.
Blissful
* * *
"Do you believe in love at first sight?"
The question takes me by surprise. It's completely out of the blue and it has nothing to do with what we're working on, unless, of course, you can find a way to relate love at first sight with Defence Against The Dark Arts. And it's certainly not a question that I would have expected to ever hear from him, he's never mention anything even related to love before so I can't help but wonder what has led him to ask such a question now.
"Love at first sight? Why do you ask that?"
He shrugs and turns his gaze away from me, embarrassed to be talking of such a subject; after all, boys aren't to be concerned with such romantic notions.
"It's just… well, it was something that Meg said the other day."
I smirk and turn my attention back to my schoolwork. He's been seeing Megan for a little over a month now, though I've no idea why he wastes his time with her, she's completely off her rocker and wouldn't be able to tell a pixie from a sprite if they were distinguished from labels. Which begs the question of why he gave any thought to anything she said for any reason other than she's his half-wit girlfriend.
"And what did Princess Megan say?"
Though I'm not looking at him, I know he's fixed me with that glare he uses whenever someone remotely insults her; it's the look he uses when he's amused but trying to seem annoyed. He's always amused when I make some comment about how Megan always wants to be treated like a princess and have everyone wait on her every whim and desire, but he feels that he should be annoyed and even offended on her behalf, so he glares to keep up appearances.
"She said that she sometimes thinks that she fell in love with me the first time she saw me. That she knew from that moment that there would never be anyone else for her because she could never feel for anyone else what she feels for me."
He doesn't look pleased by this knowledge as one would expect him to be. Certainly hearing that his girlfriend was completely and utterly in love with him and devoted to him would bring him some happiness, but it doesn't seem that way. I feel a small flicker of hope light in my chest. Let me make it clear that I most certainly am not jealous of Megan. That would be absolutely absurd as the only thing she has on me is her relationship with Harry and I know… we all know that their relationship won't last long at all. It's surprising, really, that it has lasted as long as it has. Any time now and he'll come to his senses and see that she's a complete idiot and completely unworthy of his time.
"She said it was love at first sight for her and wondered if I felt the same."
I continue working on my essay as I listen to him. "And? What did you tell her?"
"Well, I told her the truth."
I let my eyes flicker over him before focusing again on what I'm writing. "What is the truth?"
He sighs deeply. "I don't know if I believe in love let alone love at first sight."
I lift my gaze to him and carefully set my quill beside my essay. "What do you mean you don't know if you believe in love?"
He shrugs, gazing into the fire. "I've never been in love and I've never really had anyone love me in a romantic sense. Girls fall think they're in love with me, but they're not really. They're in love with the idea of me and with what they expect me to be, not with the real me. They don't even know the real me."
I sigh and reach out to put my hand on his arm, bringing his attention to me. "You're right, they aren't in love with the real you. You let very few people see the real you and everyone else sees what they want to see."
He frowns at me. "So you don't think she's in love with me?"
I shake my head slowly. "No, I don't. I think she's in love with whom you are when you're with her though. And I think that she'd be very likely to fall in love with you if you'd only let her see the real you. But I don't think that's what you want."
"What do you mean? I do want to be loved for who I am."
I smile slowly. "I know you do, we all do. But I don't think you want to be loved by her. I don't think she's whom you want, not really. I think she's just filling a place until you find the woman you really want."
He turns away from again, looking into the fire like it contains all the answers he seeks. "I think I already have found the one I want."
I frown in thought, wondering whom he could be speaking of. I've known him for years, talked with him about everything that happens in our lives, including what happens in our love lives and he's never mentioned this mystery woman with whom he fancies himself in love.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" He asks again.
I take a moment to think over his question. It's not something I've spent much time thinking about as it hasn't really seemed terribly important or relative to my life. I do like the idea of love at first sight and knowing, within the space of a brief second, that the person you're looking at is the one you're meant for. But do I believe that it's possible to fall in love based solely on a glimpse? No, not really. It's too simple, too quick, too impossible. Love, real love, seems to me to be something that you should have to work for and work to maintain. It's not something that just happens out of nowhere, it's something you have to earn.
"No, I don't," I tell him. "I think that many people may mistake lust for love and I know it's perfectly possible to feel lust at first sight. But love… love is something more, something that develops and grows over time. I don't think that you can love a person without knowing them and to really know a person, you have to spend time with them, getting to know the and letting them get to know you."
"Do you… do you think it's possible for a person to be in love and not realize it for a long time?"
I smile at him knowing that it's fully possible to be in love and not know it. "Yes, I do. I believe that the process of falling in love is very subtle and that you can be in love and not consciously realize it until you're ready to accept it." I pause to study him for a minute. He's still watching the fire, seemingly completely entranced by the dancing flames, but I know that he's hearing and taking in everything I say. "Why do you ask, Harry?"
"What Meg said it, well, it got me thinking about a lot of things. About my relationships and relationships that I've had in the past."
I grin. "And did you come to any profound realizations? A grand epiphany perhaps?" I tease.
He turns to look at me and he's not smiling. His gaze is intense as he looks into my eyes and I suddenly feel like he's seeing my in a way that he never has before. I feel like he's seeing into my very soul and all my secrets are laid bare before him, everything open to his eyes.
"You could say that," he says softly. "I think I've been in love for years and never known it."
I swallow hard and strain to keep a reign on my emotions. I try to smile, but it comes as only a brief twitch at the corners of my mouth. "Was it love at first sight?"
He smiles and shakes his head. "Not at first sight, on. More like first sight after two months of separation. I've known the girl for ages and never realized that maybe she wasn't only a friend until I saw her at the beginning of this year."
I do my best to ignore the queasy feeling in my stomach and the ache in the region of my heart. I think I'm going to be ill. I hope this conversation is nearly over.
"I imagine Megan will be happy to hear that. She's been after you for ages, she'll be glad to know that her persistence paid off."
He shakes his head again. "I've known Meg for years, but she's not the one I mean."
"Who-" my voice cracks and I quietly clear my throat. "Who do you mean?"
"I think you know."
My hands are shaking in my lap and I want to reach out to him, but everything is so unsure and I couldn't bear to be wrong. "I'd like to hear you say it."
The corners of his mouth turn up slightly and he turns his eyes back to the fire, leaning back into the sofa and looking for all the world like we're discussing nothing more important than Quidditch.
"You've always been my best friend, Hermione, the only one I could really count on through everything. I can't tell you how much that means to me. I was perfectly happy thinking of you as only my best friend until I saw you at platform 9 ¾ this summer. I shouldn't say that because it actually started with a completely innocent comment that Ginny made about you not be able to make it to the Burrow before school started. It shouldn't have meant anything really; you were on vacation with your parents so of course you wouldn't be at the Burrow. But when she said it I… well, I felt like my summer was completely ruined if I couldn't see you at all. What was the point of leaving the Dursleys' to go to the Burrow if you wouldn't be there?
"I tried to ignore it, told myself that it was nothing, that I was just disappointed that you, Ron, and I wouldn't be able to spend any time together like usual. And then I saw you at the train station and you hadn't changed much at all from last year. You had a bit of a tan and were a mite taller, but that was it. But I felt like I was seeing you for the first time in years. You hadn't changed at all, but to me you had."
I sniffle lightly, ignoring the tears that are running over my cheeks, praying that this isn't a dream or a cruel trick of my subconscious. "Harry," I whisper.
He turns his head to look at me again and he's never looked at me in this way before and my heart starts to race, my pulse skitters. "I didn't fall in love with you at that moment, but I did realize that I've been in love with you for a very long time without knowing it." He pauses briefly and reaches out to take my hand. "I don't believe in love at first sight, either, but I know that a person can be in love and not realize it."
The common room has long been empty; all other Gryffindors went up to bed quite some time ago, leaving us to our studies. The fire crackles in the grate and Harry and I sit on the soft, red sofa and stare at each for I don't know how long before he speaks again.
"What about you, Hermione? Have you realized it yet?"
My eyes widen and I can't help but think that he knows. He knows that I'm in love with him and have been waiting for him to realize his own feelings and desperately hoping that our time would come soon.
My smile is shaky and my cheeks damp with tears and I don't think I've ever been happier than I am at this moment. I slowly nod my head. "A long time ago, Harry."
He lets out a sigh of relief as a smile quickly spreads across his face. "Oh, thank Merlin."
I laugh, giddy with this newfound freedom of my feelings and knowing that, from now on, when I feel the urge to reach out for him for whatever reason, I don't have to check myself.