Chapter 7: Someone to Listen
"Pot-James?" Lily asked finally finding her voice. There was no answer.
It had seemed like hours that she had been lying on the floor under James though it had only been seconds.
"James…" she tried again. Still nothing.
Wait, is he coming closer or is it just me? Lily thought to herself before calling his name again.
"James!"
James heard Lily's voice distantly through his ears. And shook his head as if trying to wake himself up.
"Yes, Lily." he replied in a soft, whisper.
"um… you can get off me now." Lily replied.
"Huh?"
"Well, it's getting kinda hard to breathe with you on top of me." Lily said again, a slight blush tingeing her cheeks.
"Oh, yeah….uh sorry!" James said before disentangling himself and standing up.
He held a hand out to Lily and she took it graciously. James stumbled a bit backward as he helped her up but managed to keep his feet on the ground. Lily stood and brushed herself off before going over to where James was standing and pulling his arm over her shoulder.
"Come on, Potter," she started friendlily, leading him to the boy's staircase. "Let's get you up to your dorm before we get into even more trouble tonight."
James didn't say anything to this, but just grinned at Lily. It was nice, he decided having her act this way around him.
They walked up the long narrow staircase until Lily came upon a door that was labeled "Seventh Year Boys Dormitory" she turned the door knob and led James inside.
"Which one's yours?" she asked looking around at the four identical four-poster beds.
"First one by the window-" replied James quickly and trailing off.
Lily looked cautiously toward him and was shocked to find the skin on his face to be changing quickly from its normal color to a pale shade of sick green.
"James! Are you-" Lily began before he cut her off.
"I-I think I'm gonna be sick!" James replied quickly before hurling himself toward the bathroom door.
Lily sat on his bed taking in James' piece of the room. His books were sprawled on the floor amongst a few pieces of parchment. Above his pillow was a calendar which, Lily noted depicted a different famous quiddich team every month. Lily also noticed that James had a habit of crossing off each day. She peered down at his night stand and found a picture of James and his family. James must have been about five years old, his hair messy as ever stuck up in all directions and his bright hazel eyes sparkled in a bright eyed sort of way as he looked up on either side of himself to see his mother and his father beaming down at their son.
Lily's thoughts of the picture were interrupted as she heard a loud lurch come from the bathroom and a toilet flush. James came out of the bathroom, face wet from having splashed water on it only moments before and tousled hair which seemed even more messy than when he had gone in. He stumbled over toward Lily and she stood up, helping him the rest of the way over. She picked up a bowl that had been sitting on a night stand by the bathroom and placed a slight engorgement charm on it making it now resemble a small bucket.
"Better out than in, yeah?" she said, handing the bucket to James.
He grinned at her and placed it on the floor next to him.
Next Lily went over to James' trunk and pulled out a clean, simple white t-shirt. She walked back over and stood directly in front of James who looked up at her with the strangest, yet most adorable expression on his face.
"Here," she said gently, handing him the t-shirt. "you'll um, be much more comfortable in that than in what you're wearing." she replied.
"Oh, right." James replied taking the shirt from her and placing it beside himself.
He tore his eyes away from her emerald ones and looked down at himself. Having loosened his tie previously, he placed his fingers on the first button of his shirt and began fumbling with it.
It was the strangest thing James had ever tried to do, he could see his fingers on the button but all he felt under his fingertips was the fabric of the shirt itself. James pulled, trying to undo the button once more but failing miserably. He let out a frustrated groan before he felt two small, soft hands close around his own. He looked up to see Lily kneeling before him eye to eye.
"Here," she replied gently in a soft voice, "let me help you."
James removed his hands and watched as Lily slowly untied the knot in his tie and tug it away from his collar, she set it neatly on the night stand before placing her fingers on the top button of his blouse. Slowly but efficiently she pushed the small button through its hole and moved on to the next. James watched her hands travel down the row, as she went he could feel the knuckle of her index finger slowly tracing a line down the middle of his chest. James couldn't help letting out a low sigh.
Lily concentrated on unbuttoning James' blouse trying not to think about how lovely his chest was. She heard James emit a sigh and she pretended like she hadn't heard, her body on the other hand responded, and Lily felt goose bumps begin to form on her arms and legs.
Oh thank god! Last button! Lily thought.
Not like you weren't enjoying it dearie another voice within her responded.
oh, shut it you!
Admit it, you like him.
No I don't.
Oh, please. And you just ogle at every bloke like that?
Oh, alright! Fine! Yes I'm attracted to him! But who wouldn't be? He's got the hottest body in the whole school!
Just attracted? I think someone's in denial.
No, someone isn't anything! There's a line between like and attraction!
Yeah, a very fine line!
Oh, sod off!
And with that, Lily shook her head a bit before looking at James
"All done."
"Thanks," he replied as he pulled off the shirt which was loosely hanging open now and shrugged into the one Lily had handed moments before.
Lily gave him a worried look, "Feel any better?" she asked as she walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down.
"A bit, better at least than earlier…the room's still kinda spinning though." James replied taking off his glasses and pressing his palms firmly against his eye sockets before placing them on once more.
"Oh, well, you should lie down then," Lily replied.
James obliged, his head coming to rest on the pillow.
"well, get some sleep alright? See you in the morning." Lily said making to get up and go to her dorm. James' hand caught her upper arm however and she turned around to face him.
"No, don't go…stay with me, please?" he asked, looking very much like a vulnerable child.
"Alright, just for a bit." Lily replied resting against the head board.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Lily sat there listening to the sounds of James' breathing, watching his chest rise and fall. she couldn't help noticing how peaceful me looked lying there with his eyes closed. Lily thought that he had at last fallen asleep when all of a sudden James spoke.
"Lily?"
"Yeah?" she answered.
"Where did Sirius go?"
"Oh, he said he had to go help Remus with something and then just disappeared… I can't imagine how he's gonna help him though if Remus is at home-"
At the mention of Remus' name the second time, James shot up and cut Lily off.
"Remus! Oh shit! How could I have been so STUPID! I have to go!" James said ranting.
"I have to go right now and help him-"
"Oh no you don't!" Lily said pulling him back onto the bed and shoving him back down so he was laying on the pillow in such a way James would have found completely sexy had he not been preoccupied with one of his best friends.
"First off, you are in no position to go anywhere tonight so whatever Remus needs help with it can wait, and secondly, how in Merlin's name are you and Sirius for that matter planning on helping Remus if he's at his mum's house?!" Lily paused and took a breath before beginning once more. "Either you and Sirius are both taking the mickey and have gone completely insane-which by the way I find could be highly possible!- Or you mister have some serious explaining to do!" Lily finished poking James (who had moved into a sitting position) directly in the middle of his upper chest.
"No, you're right, Lily…" James replied picking at a strand of hanging thread on the blanket.
"Wait-what?" Lily replied looking quizzically at James who still wasn't looking at her.
"I said you're right. I can't exactly help Remus out right now," James said bringing a hand up and running it through his already messy hair.
Lily looked at him sympathetically.
"James, you know you can talk to me about anything right," Lily started
Yeah, anything. James thought sarcastically like how all of a sudden I find you completely attractive?
"I'm here to listen…we could talk about Remus, school," Lily paused and then hesitantly added "Mary…"
Lily waited for it to come, she was almost certain that he would blow up at her like he had done this morning. Instead however, James ran a hand through his messy mop of hair again. Before letting out an exasperated sigh and a hollow laugh.
"Mary…things just seem to be coming back to her every time something happens-"
"We-we don't have to talk about her you know…I just-I was just putting things out there-I-I didn't necessarily mean we had to talk-" Lily paused and then sighed. "I'm not doing a very good job of listening are I?"
"Well, your intent on rambling may partially be my fault." James replied obviously referring to what had happened previously in the day. "But you can't avoid the inevitable can you?"
Lily held her breath forcing herself to just hear what James wanted to say.
That's exactly what he needs, she thought someone to just…listen, it's what we all need.
"God, I know I shouldn't care but it just makes me feel so…stupid." James let out yet another hollow laugh. "I guess I had it coming though right? Everyone knows- I mean, well I don't exactly have a clean reputation…" he trailed off.
He didn't have to say what he meant, Lily knew being that she was probably the only girl in the whole school to patronize James for not being able to keep a steady girlfriend. She thought back to all those years she had hated him for what he had been doing to girls, seemingly using them and then leaving them, she had his procedure down, she could even predict to the date when he would dump a girl. All those years of dislike behind her, she never would have imagined that she would be sitting here in her sixth year of Hogwarts actually understanding and possibly forgiving him for everything she had hated him for.
Maybe he was just trying to find someone… she thought, trying to find the one person who just fit perfectly… Lily gave an internal hollow laugh of her own, all loving someone does is give them the ability to destroy you. And even if true love was real, don't all those poor sods who go looking for it know that the odds of finding that one person are slim to none?
"I guess, I just never thought it'd hurt so much, I didn't even love her, but when I saw her…" James trailed off once more.
"You know the funny thing is that I thought nothing could hurt more than to see her with Rockwood….but what really killed me was hurting Sirius…and you, Lily. Just because of her." when he said Lily's name, James looked her straight in the eyes. Lily wished he wouldn't though, she felt as if she might drown in the intensity of their hazel color.
"and now, I'm hurting Remus by not helping him…what kind of a friend-person am I?" James asked, more to himself than to her. "I'm a horrible person, Lily. I don't even deserve to have your help. Shit, I don't even deserve to have you sitting here next to me." James replied answering his own question.
Lily looked at James as if contemplating him and went through a mental checklist:
Consuming large amounts of alcohol and getting yourself completely zonked to forget your troubles : check. Acting as if you're perfectly fine while you are drunk-even though you are seeing double-and not accepting any help: check. Finally accepting help when you realize you can't stand on your own two feet: check. Going positively insane and prattling off random comments to confirm said insanity that only you find amusing: check. Suffering from a dizzying sensation and then proceeding to throw up the contents of your stomach because of consuming large amounts of said alcoholic beverage: check. Lily paused before thinking once more, yeah, I'd say we're about due for the wallowing in self pity/ possible waterworks faze…
"James you're not a horrible person…" Lily replied, boring her gaze into the side of his face until he looked at her. "You just made a couple of mistakes…everyone makes mistakes James. No one really blames you, you just had a bad day." Lily replied pausing a bit "You're a great friend and Sirius and Remus know that no matter what-they'll understand…Nobody's perfect James."
"You're wrong Lily," James replied in a low whisper.
"I am?" Lily replied in the same manner.
James turned his body so it was facing hers before responding.
"What you said about nobody being perfect was wrong…" James trailed off, his eyes never once leaving hers.
"You, Lily Evans are perfect." James finished. His tone was not accusatory, nor was it sarcastic. It was sincere and believable, because even if Lily didn't realize it, James believed his statement to be true.
Lily let out a light feathery laugh.
"I'm, not perfect James…trust me, I have my fair share of imperfections-" she trailed off looking down at the scarlet cover that was on James' bed.
She suddenly felt the pad of James' thumb under her chin, bringing her gaze up to his once more.
"Can you tell me what they are then? Because I'm having difficulty seeing them from where I'm standing." he asked in that same low whisper that was starting to drive Lily insane.
"Another, night maybe…you don't need to hear about my imperfections today." Lily replied finding it surprisingly hard to breath due to James' sudden close proximity.
"Well, if you're not perfect…then you're damn close…" James replied.
He moved his hand and cupped the side of her face, placing his thumb on her cheek and his fingers on the side of her neck just under her ear. James ran his thumb up and down the soft skin of her cheek, and watched as Lily's eyes fluttered closed and she let out a deep sigh. He could feel her pulse quicken under his trembling fingers which were stroking the side of her neck softly.
"James…" Lily replied through a sigh, trying to get out a coherent sentence, which at this point seemed quite near impossible due to the way her body was reacting to just his touch.
"You're so beautiful Lily…you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met…" James trailed off in still nothing but a whisper.
Although her eyes were closed, Lily could tell that somehow he had gotten closer, she could feel the warmth of his body getting stronger as he leaned in.
She felt as if her body was going into overdrive, the feeling was thrilling as if every ounce of adrenalin was pumping madly through her body. Lily breathed, taking in James' scent. He smelled soapy and fresh, like a delicious breeze in the middle of spring time, and it intoxicated her.
She was dancing close to the edge of a very high cliff. If she wasn't careful, she would certainly fall but she couldn't stop herself from going closer and closer to the edge. It was as if she wanted to fall… just to see what it would feel like.
James' mouth was but millimeters away from her own now and the scorching heat of his lips were reverberating onto her own. Lily felt his breath tickle her own mouth. It smelled sweet, and minty, with something else mixed in. It took Lily a moment to realize that the something else was the traces of Fire Whiskey that James had consumed earlier.
Lily stopped dancing, she stared down, realizing for the first time what a steep plummet lay beyond the cliff's edge, and without another thought, she retreated carefully back to the meadow of grass feeling safe and secure.
Lily opened her eyes just in time to come back to her senses and realize what was going on. She turned her head and felt James' lips brush her cheek instead of her mouth.
She sighed. As she felt the skin under James' mouth tingle, still feeling the warmth of his lips there after he had pulled back.
What the fuck is going on with me?! This is Potter!! James Bloody Potter, why do I feel like this! This is not supposed to happen!!! Lily's thoughts were yelling within her.
"Lily? Wha-" James started to ask before she cut him off.
"James, I don't think we should do…anything you'll regret tomorrow, you're confused right now." she replied.
"Lily, I'll never regret anything I ever do with you." James replied with a seriousness that scared her.
Lily let out a sigh before laying down on one side of the bed and pulling James down to lay down on the other.
James looked at her perplexed.
"Close your eyes James." she said in a soothing voice.
"No, I don't want to close my eyes," James replied.
"I'm scared that when I open them again you won't be there."
Lily laughed bitterly to herself. What is he playing at? He won't remember any of this in the morning so why is he leading me on? Why is he leading himself on?
"Go to sleep James, please." Lily replied.
James nodded and closed his eyes.
A/N: wow, ten pages, that's a lot of writing. I know you all probably hate me for making Lily decide not to kiss James but if I made them kiss now, it would totally defeat the purpose of the rest of the story!
PLEASE REVIEW! You all make me so happy when you do!
Until next time dearies!
~ Luminous Star