Unofficial Portkey Archive

I've always wanted to write a really long Harry Potter fic about the marauders. Then one day my friend, Elly, told me to. And, not wanting to get hit on the head by her massive fist, I did. Hope you enjoy it!

A Marauder's Tale of Horror:

or How I Survived My Years at Hogwarts...

Chapter 1

Don't be fooled by the title. School wasn't hard. In fact...it was relatively easy. The `getting the perfect score so I can graduate and get out of school as soon as I can' part, I mean. It was awesome; don't get me wrong; it was only a few minor bumps along the way that made it rough.

Sirius: What are you talking about?! A few minor bumps?! What `bout all those countless time when you got turned down by Lily? Or when we almost killed ourselves trying to become animagi? And that time when we almost killed ourselves and Remus because we had learned that he's a werewolf and tried to go after him under the whomping willow?! Now that I think about it...we almost got ourselves killed a lot.

Good point. But...as you should know, Siri...

Sirius: Don't call me that.

...we got through it all with the upper hand; I actually got married to Lily, we became successful animagi, and we came out of that whole werewolf thing with just a few serious life-threatening wounds.

Remus: Yeah!

So we're going to tell you all about it.

Peter: All about what?

Sirius: If you would show up for the meetings...

Guys...you only get one warning. Anyway...Emmablk1 has kindly interviewed us, at twenty-one years of age, and is telling our story with as few jokes as possible. Right...?

Emmablk1: Whoops...

And now...The Beginning...

James Potter

"Stupid bloody owl...Can't even deliver a bloody letter...stupid bloody...bloody..." James Potter muttered very loudly under his breath, searching the skies outside his bedroom window for the fifteenth time that morning. He had hit his head on the side of his window ledge so many times, he was sure that he was going to go to school with a gigantic bruise that spanned across his entire forehead.

"Jamesie?" James' mother called from her position on the staircase. James inwardly cringed at the nickname. Since his older sister, Rachel, had entered her final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, their mother had run out of things to worry about-except for James. "Your letter...hasn't it arrived yet?"

James groaned and pounded his fist over and over on the winder pane. His mom took the hint and walked quietly down the stairs.

There came a rapping at the door, and James turned around to see Rachel leaning against the doorway, smiling blatantly at him. James stuck his tongue out at her and she rolled her eyes, close to laughing. "You know, little brother," She warned him, grinning evilly. "If you never get your letter, then mum and dad will disown you and you'll have to get a job in the muggle world at age eleven." When this didn't make James burst into tears, Rachel kept going. "Not to mention the fact that you'll be labeled a squib..." James tried to keep his face from paling, but with no luck. Rachel laughed at his attempt and began to walk out of his room, although she couldn't see very well because she was laughing so hard.

Barely controlling his anger, James turned back to the window. The next second, he was shouting and flinging open the window while the brown barn owl flew blindly into the opposite wall. "Mum! Dad! Rach-er..." He almost called his sister's name before reconsidering. "Um...Mum!" Grabbing the owl and wrenching the paper from out of its beak, he ran downstairs, practically ripping the letter in half trying to open it.

Absolutely sure that his future at Hogwarts was secure, James Potter ran into the living room, tore the letter out of the envelope, read the first line on the paper, and immediately fainted.

It took three glasses of water and an acid pop to wake him up seven hours later, but it was worth it to see the look on James' face when he learned that he had fainted. He never thought he would hear the end of it from Rachel, which he was right about, as usual.

Sirius Black

The house was fairly large and although you would think that the dark thunderclouds around it suggested rain, everyone on the block knew that the only reason it was so dark and evil was because of the family that lived in it.

Sirius Black was most likely the only member of the Black family who was harmless. Almost harmless. Ok, not harmless at all. Though the family was pureblood and prominently part of the Wizarding world, Sirius wasn't exactly happy to be a part of it. He was notorious for being quoted for making up last names.

Currently he was drooling in his bed, getting some last minute sleep before his brother, Regulus, came in again to taunt and torture him about not getting a letter from Durmstrang or Hogwarts. Not that Sirius was concerned about that fact or anything. He had been pulling pranks by magic since he was in a crib with diapers. The only thing he couldn't understand was why the letters were so late.

There came a horrifying crash from right outside his door. Not wanting to wipe the drool from his lips just yet, Sirius barely opened his eyes. There were hushed tones whispering, but he knew exactly what they were saying.

"Don't bother Sirius, Reggie," His mother's voice carried a bit too much. "He's resting...Well; he's more moping than anything. I swear, MY letter never came this late. There must be something wrong with him." Sirius would have groaned if he wanted to move his head. If he had heard her say it once, then she certainly must have said it a thousand times more after that. The only reason that his mom was being so infuriating was because he wasted to go to Hogwarts more than Durmstrang. That and the fact that he was a lazy slob most of the time. And that his parents preferred his younger brother, among other things...

There was a silence after his brother's laughter died away and Sirius' headache vanished. His mind was soon wandering off into his usual dream about vanquishing his parents and brother, moving away, and living in some huge house with tons of girls when there came an annoying noise of pecking coming from one of the windows on the other side of the house.

Instantly Sirius was out of bed and throwing open his windowsill. "Bloody bird!" he yelled, shaking his fist at it to get its attention, but apparently every bird in the Wizarding world was stupid, for it simply waited until the window it was sitting at opened. Sirius' father reached out and allowed the bird to step inside. The next second there was a slamming of a door coming from his father's room and a frenzied stomping coming towards the stairs.

Sirius winched even before the shouting started. "SIRIUS BLACK!" his father's voice had the capacity to be heard across all of London if it wanted.

In a moment it became blear what all the shouting was about. When Sirius saw his father waving a piece of parchment with a red wax seal on it, he could hardly control his glee and smiled, nearly giggling. Apparently this was not the thing to do at that second.

"And just WHAT do you think you're smiling about?!" his father's voice was worse when it was in his ear. `Just my luck that I threw my magical earplugs at Regulus yesterday...' he thought to himself.

To his father he said the complete opposite. Well...nearly. "I found the fact that the vein throbbing in your neck turns green every time you shake that parchment at me very funny, actually." Sirius' face showed complete calm; inside every emotion was bouncing around, making his brain soggy.

"Don't be smart with your father," His mum cut in, her shrill voice piercing through the silence that had followed his words. Sirius caught sight of his brother grinning at him from his place behind the kitchen door. Regulus stuck his tongue out at him, but Sirius ignored him.

His father had obviously decided to ignore Sirius' last comment and continue with lecturing him. "Do you see this?" He asked in a fake calm tone. Sirius looked up at the waving letter, knowing full well what it was, but too distracted by the vein in his father's neck.

`I wonder what would happen if I poked it...' He thought, laughing inside at the picture in his mind's eye. Sirius tuned out, his daydream suddenly turning into one where he wasn't afraid of his dad and his brother was locked up in St. Mungo's.

He began to listen again when what he was seeing reached his brain. His father was tearing up the letter, yelling at the top of his lungs. Mrs. Black was nodding and Regulus was making faces of Sirius dieing a bloody death. "...Inconsiderate...No thought for propriety..." His dad was screaming, but Sirius hardly heard his words. Seeing the letter from Hogwarts torn up was enough to make any eleven-year-old boy deaf to anything else.

With one last rip, His father stormed out, followed by his wife. Regulus also disappeared from the door, bored now that the fight was over. Sirius bent down, scooping up every last fragment of the parchment, still in shock over how this could have happened.

Closing his eyes to forget about the letter, he told himself that he'd just have to form a plan that would allow him to go to the station himself. If he could manage it...Opening his eyes again, he smiled wider than he had while he was being yelled at.

"I love re-attachable paper..." He thought aloud, fingering the parchment that was now in one piece. In a single bounce, Sirius was at the stairs, his great escape already half-formed in his mind.

Remus Lupin

Remus J. Lupin was in the place that you'd least expect. At least, that's what he thought. He couldn't stand the tension anymore; doctors rushing in and being rushed out hours later, the skies being cleared of owls for days, foul-smelling ointments being applied on the blasted bite. The medicine was supposed to help, but it just made the cut stop itching for a period of time. Remus didn't have the heart to tell his parents that all it was is anti-itch medication.

He suddenly shivered as a biting breeze passed over him. Then he realized that it wasn't wind, but his own breath on himself. He looked around at his dismal surroundings. It was a broom closet, that much was true, but it had potential. Remus was hoping it did, anyway. At least no one in the hospital would know he was there.

`Why do they keep their closets so cold, anyways?' He thought to himself, wishing that he had enough common sense to grab his blanket off his bed and bring it with him before he had run off to seek shelter.

St. Mungo's wasn't the ideal place to be awaiting your acceptance letter to Hogwarts, but it was the only place for Remus right now. The doctors were only interested in that dang bite. And the transformations every month were made worse now by the fact that he was worried that he'd even be allowed to go to school.

Still shaking, Remus suddenly found himself in his room again, his mum gently glaring at him through her tiny glasses. Remus smiled weakly; he knew that his mum couldn't be too mad at him-after all; his parents were too worried about him to be that mad when he tried to escape the hospital.

"Where'd you flee to this time?" She asked him, a small smile lighting her face. She had her wand in hand, holding it as if she wouldn't be tempted to use it against him.

Remus smiled sheepishly. "The broom closet." His mum laughed, sounding as if chimes were making their way down the hallway. There was quiet for a minute, with the exception of the regular noises in the ward. "Why'd you make me come?" He said.

"Oh...Your father went to get something to eat for us and..." She trailed off, her eyes dancing toward an envelope sitting on the bedside table. Remus' eyes became as large as saucers and he rushed over to the letter, ignoring the pain coming from his bite. Wasting no time, he ripped open the paper, noting the red wax seal, and began to read.

Dear Mr. Lupin,

As I am sure you know, there has been some questioning over your entrance here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Remus nearly stopped reading. The way that this was heading didn't seem too good.

...But, none of that will matter in a few weeks, when you join your fellow students at the said establishment.

He threw the letter to the floor in joy, as he started dancing, jumping up and down as if he had all the energy in the world.

"What? What is it?" His mother quickly picked up the letter and read it, tears beginning to form in her eyes. A smile was forming, but then it stopped. "Remy..."She began, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him from jumping, and handed him the paper.

Remus looked at it intensely reading it once, then again and again. "How could they?!" He shouted, ignoring the grunts from the people around him who were sleeping.

"But it's so wonderful, sweetie!" His mother insisted. "They have a whole place set up for you for when you...change. And they even planted a tree for you!" She tired to smile and ended up looking like she was flinching. "It's a...a..."

"Cage!" Remus yelled, outraged at the audacity. "That's all it is! A cage for me to go and exclude myself from everyone else! I won't be normal...everyone will wonder why I'm gone every month...and then I'll get kicked out!"

"It's a blessing. This is the only way that you can have a chance to lead a semi-normal place in this world. Your father and I want this for you, no matter in what form it is in." Remus swallowed and looked at his mum, thankful that he wasn't tearing up. "Will you take the chance?" She glanced at him expectantly. He nodded briefly, holding the parchment so tight in his hands that his knuckles turned white.

"Hey! I've got Jelly Slugs! Anyone want?" Remus' father came bursting through the doorway, his arms filled with every kind of candy that the cafe served. They looked at him for a moment, and then burst out laughing. "What?" His eyes switched back and forth between his wife and son. "What'd I do?" When they didn't answer, he set the candy on the bed and dumped a whole chocolate frog in his mouth, closing it before the frog jumped out.

Peter Pettigrew

Emmablk1:Uh...er...due to some technical difficulties, we are not telling the story of Peter's letter from Hogwarts.

James:He said it was boring.

Sirius:It was! He got his letter, went to go buy his supplies, and then went home. THE END.

Peter:Hey! I never said that!!

Remus:Sush...you're going to ruin it...

Peter:Ruin what?

Emmablk1, James, Sirius, and Remus:Nothin'.

Peter:oh. Ok. Hey...wait a minute!!

James, Sirius, and Remus:It was all HER fault!!!

Emmablk1: Was not!

James:Aww...just finish the story already...we all don't really care what happened to Peter, anyway.

Remus:Yeah, all I know is that I met him on the train first day of term.

Sirius:It's not important. Case closed.

Tune in next time for the continuing adventures of the Marauders!!

Oh, and don't forget to REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoops....my finger slipped...hehehehe...MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...uh...that wasn't me.

Emmablk1

-->