All I Want for Christmas

A/N: This is my first attempt to write fan fiction of any sort. Plus, I don't have the knowledge that most of you do about Harry Potter, as I've only read fan fiction and seen the movies. I've tried to be as true to the series as I can considering my knowledge, but the story may be slightly AU. Please be constructively critical of my work. Thanks in advance for your kindness. Maybe I'll write more of these in the future if this one goes well.

Thanks to everybody who's read and reviewed my story so far. I'm still stunned at how supportive most people have been of my first attempt at writing fan fiction, especially when it's about a series that I don't know as much about as most of my readers do.

If any of you want to try to figure out where I'm going, you might want to read my replies to people's reviews, as I will occasionally drop a hint in there. However, be wary, I have been known to toss out some red herrings too. Speculate at your own risk.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. All characters belong to J. K. Rowling.

All I Want for Christmas

Chapter 8: There's No Way

Harry wasn't the only one having a restless night.

Hermione was thrashing around on her bed. It wasn't that she couldn't get comfortable. She wasn't ready to curl up in her favorite sleeping position just yet, because she had too much on her mind to allow herself to fall asleep.

Argh!!! Why did Mum have to pick today to have a conversation like that with me? Harry's here so I can't get away from him to be able to push that conversation out of my mind until I go back to school. Being around him is enough to keep what Mum said fresh on my mind.

She has definitely gone mad. Me? Fancy Harry? Nonsense. That will never happen. We've been platonic best friends too long for that to ever happen.

And to think that she actually had the nerve that Harry and I were thinking about having sex! What is it about being a mum that makes you go crazy? As much as I'd like to be a mum myself someday, I don't look forward to that part of it.

Mum and Dad somehow have this uncanny ability to make Harry and me get embarrassed more often than usual too. What is with that? Kids at school can't embarrass us nearly as easily or as often as Mum and Dad did in just a few hours.

Mum tried to say that hearing from Harry during the summer or looking at a picture of us is proof that I fancy him. What a load of rubbish! It's not often that I hear from Harry during the summer, so of course hearing from him would make my day. I think she was exaggerating the picture thing too. I don't look at pictures of us for that long. Maybe a hour or so six days a week, but I'm thinking about what we've done and wondering how he's doing, not pining over him.

Mum can over-exaggerate the littlest things. Like I told her, “we can read each other like an open book.” If either of us fancied the other, then the other would know it. Since they count on me for knowledge, you'd think I'd know better than either of them if I fancied one of them. After all, Ron didn't have a clue that I fancied him until I told him that I did. Harry's not that dense, but I'm sure that I would know before he did that I fancy him.

Anyways, he doesn't fancy me like that, so it's not worth worrying about. He'll never see me as anything more than his platonic best friend. So, even if I did fancy him, I wouldn't tell him because it would make things between us too awkward. We can't afford to have that now when we have to deal with Voldemort yet.

But what about after Harry defeats Voldemort once and for all? Then if we realize that we fancy one another it wouldn't be so fatal for either of us. But what if Harry has to sacrifice his life to defeat Voldemort? I can't bear to think about what life without Harry would be like! It's a dreadful thought! Bad Hermione! Harry will defeat Voldemort and LIVE!

I know I'll find love eventually, but definitely not now, and definitely NOT with Harry. The idea is impossible.

I do want to marry and have a family of my own someday. I also want to live a quiet life, and life with Harry would never be quiet. I'm not sure what I want to do for a career yet either, and I want to be settled into that before I go looking for a man to share my life with.

I do want that to be a man that I can be good friends, if not best friends, with though, and Harry is one of my best friends. Ron may be my other best friend, but we already proved that we're only meant to be friends, and I'm sure that the same thing would happen with Harry if we would ever date each other. I'm not willing to put him through the heartbreak of another romance that didn't work out, so I'm not even going to try.

I know that Harry and me dating would be a heartbreak waiting to happen. So, why can't I get what Mum said out of my mind? Is this something related to the Harry and Ron being dad and son thing I said this afternoon? How could the two possibly be related? Harry's got me wondering the same thing that he asked about earlier…Where do I fit into that picture? Which of them is which? Why is that image so important? Why does it keep coming up?

Maybe there is something to what Mum was saying…Harry is a wonderful guy. He's now more fanciable than he's ever been before. We don't fight nearly as much as Ron and I do. He's been there for me whenever I've needed him. He's a great hugger. He's probably a good kisser too, but I'm not going to ask Ginny about that.

Bad Hermione! Thinking about kissing your platonic best friend! What's gotten into you? You don't like him like that. He may be a great guy for you, but you'll never be the lucky woman that ends up with him. He'll never see you as anything more than a platonic best friend. Won't he?

What if he did fancy me? How would I respond? I'd cry. That's for sure. But would they be happy or angry tears? They'd have to be angry. I'll never like him like that. He'd also never say anything about his feelings because of my history with Ron, and Harry's too loyal to ever do anything that would hurt his best mate like that.

I suppose I could ask Ron about how Harry feels about me. I don't know that Harry'd tell him, though. Especially considering my history with Ron. Harry's kept things from Ron before that he's told me. Does that mean anything? What might it mean? Harry would trust either of us with his life. He also seems to trust me with his life more often than he does Ron. Why is that? You'd figure that a guy would trust his best mate with his life more than he would be best girl friend. Wouldn't he? Or is there some reason that Harry trusts me with his life more often than he does Ron? Could he possibly have a reason along the lines of he's already given me his heart, so it's easier for him to put his life in my hands than Ron's? Then why has he dated other girls then? What significance could his trust in me have?

Argh!!! Too many unanswered questions! Harry did say something about that dad and son image I used earlier potentially being knowledge of the heart, which he said that I can't find answers to in books, instead of knowledge of the head, where I can. I don't know where I can find knowledge of the heart, though. Who could help me find answers? I think Mum is too mad to be of any help, and I don't want to ask Dad about it. Harry did suggest Ginny…I know she doesn't fancy him anymore, so she might not be a bad option. She always has seemed to have a better grip on knowledge of the heart than I have. I think I'll write to her in the morning and get her perspective on what Mum said and the whole knowledge of the heart thing.

I'm still convinced that there's no way that Harry and I could ever fancy each other. Or is there…