~A/N> Physical pain is an amazing thing. It can cause the strongest person to crumble into a quivering pile of
flesh and it can cause writers like me to write stories where I channel my pain into my characters to make their pain
and the story seem more real. My back is still bad, and where medicine didn't take the pain away, writing this
helped to keep my mind off of it for a few hours.
"I can't take it anymore," came a tearful whisper, followed by a sharp intake of breath from a stab of
pain.
"What did you say Hermione?" Harry asked softly as he gently sat next to her on the bed where she lay.
"I said I can't...take...it any-more," she replied brokenly, through clenched teeth. She moved her body slightly, and instead of helping her find a more comfortable position it made her cry out as waves of torment rolled through her battered body.
"Don't move," Harry said scoldingly, but she could hear the fear and worry in his voice. She looked into his beautiful green eyes to find the fear she heard in his voice mirrored in them.
Still gazing into those eyes she said sadly, "I can't take the pain anymore Harry, I just want it to be over."
"NO! Don't talk like that!" he yelled, startling the other patients around them in the hospital ward. Closing his eyes and taking a calming breath, he reached out to caress her cheek and said, "Madame Pomfrey is doing everything she can to find a counter-curse. You just have to try to hang in there until she does, okay?"
She knew he felt guilty, but she wished he didn't. The curse that had hit her had been meant for him; she had known by watching the crackling red jet of light that the curse was powerful and more than likely debilitating, if not somehow deadly. So in a hair's breadth of a thought, she jumped in front of him and let the curse hit her, allowing him to cast the final spell that rid the world of Voldemort forever. The moment the pain started to flood her muscles and set her blood afire, she found herself wishing it had been the killing curse instead. At least with that there would have been no pain.
Harry gently kept running his fingertips over her cheek and she closed her eyes and enjoyed the peaceful feeling his touch invoked for a moment. When the curse kicked in yet again and racked her body in pain, pain much worse that the other times, she screamed out involuntarily and arched her back off of the bed.
Harry tried to hold her down on the bed and shouted, "Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey! She's getting worse!"
"Don't shout Mr. Potter," said the nurse as she quickly bustled over to Hermione's bed and her eyes softened as she saw the look of utter anguish on the young girls face. Waving her wand over her, the nurse muttered the strongest pain relieving spell that she knew. Seeing Hermione's body relax just a little, she said, "I am trying to find a counter-curse, but it seems that You-Know-Who had been experimenting with some very nasty Dark curses. This one seems to be one that is a magnified crucio curse that attacks the body over and over again with no set amount of time in between, and the pain continues to worsen until the witch or wizard that's been cursed loses all hope and chooses death over suffering. It attacks a persons will to live, and once that is gone the second part of the curse kicks in and it acts as an internal killing curse."
"Bloody hell," Harry whispered, looking at Hermione to gauge her reaction. He had never seen such a look of despair on her face before and he took her hand in both of his and held on tightly.
"So it's going to keep attacking my body until I lose the will to live, and then it'll kill me?" Hermione asked, her voice quivering from not only pain, but repressed tears. "I can't believe that monster actually discovered something worse than the killing curse."
In even more agony as the curse assaulted her again, Harry looked helplessly at Madam Pomfrey and asked, "Isn't there any other way to at least ease the pain? The spells you're using aren't working anymore, there's got to be something else that will help her until you find the cure?"
"I'm afraid I'm using the most powerful spell I know of to help fend off the pain Mr. Potter, it's just not helping anymore. The curse is working it's way to the final outcome, quite quickly, and I'm afraid she may not even make it through the night."
In an un-Pomfrey like gesture, she put her hand on his arm in a gesture of sympathy and said quietly, "I know it's hard to hear, but it may be best if she just succumbs to the pain...the last part of the curse will activate faster and she will no longer be suffering." Turning to make her way back to her office she said, "I will continue to search for the two curses that were combined and maybe I can discover the counter-curse that way."
Harry didn't say anything as the nurse walked away...he couldn't. His throat felt as if it had closed completely and it was becoming increasingly harder to breath. His best friend...his Hermione...was dying and there was nothing he could do for her. She had taken the curse that was meant for him so that he could vanquish Voldemort and now she was paying for her selflessness with her life. What the hell were the fates thinking? What higher power had such a sick sense of humor as to reward her bravery with death? If she died, it wouldn't matter that he had defeated Voldemort...his life wouldn't be worth living without her in it.
"Harry, stop it," Hermione said with a hint of scolding in her shaking voice. "This is not your fault in any way. If anyone's to blame it's Voldemort...and myself." When he opened his mouth to object she shook her head slightly and said, "I chose to jump in front of you, it was my decision to let the curse hit me instead of you. You were the only one that could destroy Voldemort, and if you had died then the entire world would have suffered from his reign of terror. Now he's gone and the world can finally live in peace."
"But I can't live without you," he said, his voice breaking. He swallowed and started to blink his eyes quickly, trying to stave off the tears that were gathering there.
With a faint smile on her chapped, pale lips she sadly said, "Of course you can Harry. You can't mourn me forever you know. You'll go on with your life, you'll meet the girl of your dreams...maybe even your soul mate...and then you can have the family you've always dreamed of." As she spoke the last words, her bottom lip started to quiver and tears fell from her eyes, sliding sideways into her hair. She had many dreams of her own, and most of them had been of her being the one to marry Harry and give him that family. She had never confessed her feelings for her best friend, and she had accepted long ago that he didn't feel the same for her, but it broke her heart to even think of some other girl by his side, carrying his child and growing old with him.
"I can't," he said, shaking his head from side to side, repeating those two words over and over again. After watching her suffer another painful episode he smoothed her sweat and tear soaked hair off of her face while gazing intensely into her eyes and said, "It's true, I've always dreamed of finally living in peace and having a family of my own, but when I imagined it...it was always you I shared my life with. You were my wife, my soul mate...the mother of my children. It's always been you, and I'm so sorry that I didn't say anything before. I was just so scared that I would be putting your life in danger. Voldemort's taken away everyone else that I loved; my Parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Ron, Mrs. Weasley...their deaths almost killed me, but it was the thought of sharing the rest of my life with you that got me through it all. The idea of finally being able to tell you I love you gave me the strength to survive the hellacious training the Order put me through, and it helped me to conquer my fear of facing my greatest enemy. And now..." Harry broke off, tearing his gaze away from hers as two tears escaped from his eyes and slowly traveled down his cheeks.
Reaching up slowly, Hermione wiped away one of the tears and then placed her hand under his chin, getting him to look at her again. "I love you too," she said. "I have for a while now, and I've always dreamed of sharing my life with you once Voldemort was gone. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you..." she trailed off as the most debilitating wave of pain besieged her and she grabbed for Harry's hands blindly. Holding both her hands,he let her squeeze them as her pain worsened, all the while wishing he could trade places with her. Once it had passed, she looked at him with pleading eyes while breathing heavily and begged, "Please make it stop."
"I wish I could, luv," he said, bending down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. It was their first kiss, and it broke his heart to think that it would probably be their last.
"It's just not fair," she said, looking out one of the night-darkened windows in the ward. "It was supposed to be simple. You were going to kill Voldemort, I would finally admit my feelings for you, and then in my dreams we lived happily ever after, just like in all the fairy tales I read when I was little. It's not supposed to end like this."
She started crying then, heart wrenching sobs escaping her lips as her body shook from the force of them. The tears were now streaming from her eyes, wetting not only her face and hair, but soaking her pillow too. His heart breaking from her admission and utter dispair he asked urgently, "What can I do Hermione? I'll do anything for you, just tell me what you want."
She was quiet for a minute or two, just staring out the window as her flow of tears and her breathing slowed. Looking at him with red, swollen eyes she said, "Hold me."
"What? But...I don't want to cause you more pain," he said, torn between wanting to do as she asked and not hurting her more.
"Harry, I'm already in the most pain a person can be in. You heard Madam Pomfrey, I'm dying and there's nothing she can do." Closing her eyes as the full force of what she had just said hit her she said, "Before I go, I want to know what it feels like to be safely wrapped in your arms, just once. I want you to hold me and make it that much harder for death to take me. Please."
Unable to speak, Harry stood up and walked around to the other side of her bed and carefully lay down behind her. She slowly struggled to turn and positioned herself so that she was facing him. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and as she lifted her head up, he put his left arm underneath her so that he was holding her while her head rested on his chest. Once she seemed as comfortable as she could be, he covered them both with her blanket and rested his cheek on the top of her head. After five minutes of silence, in which he prayed that she was only sleeping, she shifted so that she could look up at his face and said, "I'm only eighteen and there's so much I haven't done. You know, I made a list once of everything I wanted to experience before I died. Other than a few, one of which happened a little while ago, the entire list will be left undone."
"What was it that happened a little while ago?" Harry asked, figuring she would mention them admitting their feelings.
"I got my first kiss," she replied quietly.
Surprised, Harry asked, "You've never been kissed before? But I thought that you and Ron..."
"We went out a few times," she answered, "But it just never felt right with him. It was like something deep down inside was telling me that he was not supposed to be the one to share my first kiss with. And when you kissed me before I immediately knew that it was supposed to be you. I just wish..."
When she trailed off he asked, "What? What is it that you wish?"
"This is going to sound foolish, when there are so many more important things I wanted to do," she replied, "But I wish I could have...g-given myself to you. I had already given my heart and soul over to you, even if you didn't know it, I just wish I could give you my body too."
Harry thought of all the times he had fantasized and dreamed about being with Hermione in that way, and he felt his cheeks get warm with embarrassment. Instead of dwelling on what could have been, and what they could have had together, Harry dipped his head just enough so that he could kiss her, putting all the love and passion he felt for her into the kiss, knowing it was the most intimate thing they would ever be able to share. The kiss continued as the two of them savored the feel and taste of the others mouth, both of their salty tears adding to it. Reluctantly ending the kiss, Harry gathered her more closely to him and held her as tightly as he dared. As she lay her head once more on his chest, she let the sound of his strong heartbeat lull her into sleep. With one last kiss on her forehead, Harry lay back thinking of how sleep would surely alude him that night. He intended to keep watch over his love, planning to confront the grim face of death when it finally came to claim her.Suddenly feeling sleepy but with his determination to stave off sleep foremost in his thoughts, he fought galliantly as his eyes started to droop and finally losing the battle, Harry fell fast asleep.
~*~
An undeterminable amount of time later, Harry awoke with a start to see sunlight streaming in through the windows. Cursing himself for falling asleep he sadly looked down at Hermione, fearing the lifeless form he would see in his arms, and was shocked to find her breathing normally. Her coloring was normal, her cheeks and lips tinged a healthy pink, and her chest was rising and falling as it would in any normal healthy person.
"It surprised me too," came a hushed voice, and when Harry looked to the bed next to theirs he saw Madam Pomfrey sitting on it, watching them. She looked more disheveled than he had ever seen her, and he knew right away that she had stayed up all night, probably looking after Hermione.
"I don't want to tempt fate or anything," he whispered, "But how is it that she's still alive? You said yourself she wouldn't make it through the night, but now she looks perfectly healthy. Come to think of it, before we fell asleep last night, she had gone a while without suffering severe pain."
"I'm afraid I can't give you a medical explination for it," Madam Pomfrey replied. "Medicine had nothing to do with her recovery, but I think I may have an idea as to what helped Miss Granger survive."
"If it was nothing medical, then what could have suddenly stopped the curse from killing her?" Harry asked, puzzled.
"Love," the nurse answered simply. Harry looked up at her and she explained, "I had walked out of my office last night to come check on her and I couldn't help but see the two of you kissing." When Harry's cheeks took on a pink tinge she smiled and said, "Don't be embarrassed, believe it or not I was once young and in love too. I know what a powerful emotion it is, and you should too...if you'll recall it was your mother's love that saved you from You-Know-Who's killing curse when you were a baby. I'm guessing here, but I think that Hermione's love for you is what prevented the curse from progressing any further than it had. In fact, it's probably what destroyed it altogether."
"Love," Harry repeated, looking down at the still-sleeping Hermione. "I finally told her last night that I loved her," he admitted in a rare moment of emotional weakness. He had never really spoken to Madam Pomfrey, other than to argue about whether he was healthy enough to play Quidditch or not, but after seeing the gallant way she tried to save Hermione last night he felt he could confide in her.
"It's sad, how it takes something so tragic and heartbreaking to make us admit what we've known all along," Madam Pomfrey replied. "I'm glad that you finally told her though...I wasn't so lucky when I lost the man I loved...he passed before I could tell him how I felt."
Before he could respond to her admission, she stood up and walked away. He watched as she walked into her office with her head held high, as it always was, but he noticed how her steps weren't as confident as they usually were. He felt Hermione stir and looked down at where she still lay on his chest. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around with a confused expression on her face. Looking up at him, a huge smile lit up her face as she asked, "I'm alive?" When he smiled back and nodded his head she stated, "I'm alive! But how...?"
"I just spoke to Madam Pomfrey," he replied, running his hand through her bushy brown hair. "She had no medical explination for it, but she seems to think that it was love that saved your life."
"Love?" Hermione repeated, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her mind as she fought to come up with a plausible explanation. "Of course! It was your mother's love that saved you from Voldemort, and then last night when we kissed..." Harry watched with happy amusement as her cheeks took on a pink tinge as she stopped talking suddenly, but being Hermione she recovered quickly and said, "Voldemort always did underestimate the magical power of love. It was a Dark curse that he used to try to kill you when you were a baby, and it was another when he tried again during the battle. Love stopped you from dying, and now it's saved my life too."
Harry tightened his hold on her and said, "I'm glad that Voldemort never caught on to that fact because now we can have that life together that we talked about last night."
"Yes we can," Hermione replied and then surprised him by kissing him. Looking into his eyes afterward she said, "I love you Harry, and I plan to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives."
"I love you too," he replied happily, "And we should start working on that list of yours as soon as possible. You and I have lost enough time together as it is...it's time for our happily ever after."