AN- Just a little something to perhaps clear my writers block. It's set sort of in the Marauder time, and I like it. Let me know what you think, please.
Disclaimer- I don't own it…I do own my own car now though :D
As the full moon came out from behind the clouds and snow that night, Remus surveyed his surroundings and allowed himself to think about things that he had, for a long time, tried incredibly hard to forget about.
Things like all of the times he had transformed in that exact same room in the past, and who had transformed with him. They were some of his most bittersweet memories, and being in the Shrieking Shack always brought them back up, full force.
The last time he had been inside the shack, he had found Sirius, and discovered Sirius's innocence and Peter's betrayal. The wound that Peter's actions would have left on him was healed by the return of Sirius. Even after Peter's escape that night, Remus had left reasonably happy. Sirius was innocent.
Now, Sirius wasn't even alive. James was no longer alive. Even Peter, who had lost his place in the Marauders from the moment he had handed James's location to the Dark Lord, was gone, as a result of the life debt he had owed to Harry.
Remus never even noticed the pain of his transformation, too lost in the bittersweet pain of his memories.
* * *
"You know, Remus, that could be why you're always sick." James had muttered. Sirius, grunting in agreement, picked up the large spoon in the potato bowl and heaped more food onto Remus's plate.
Trying to ignore his rebelling stomach, Remus tried to force a smile in Sirius's general direction. None of his friends appeared fooled.
"Still not feeling well?" Peter asked, looking up from his own meal to eye Remus with concern.
Remus wasn't sure whether he felt like yelling or crying, and settled merely for a small frown. "No, I'm really not feeling any better. It must've been something I ate." He replied, starting to rise. Before he could continue, he caught the shared look between James and Sirius. "What?"
"Remus, mate, it can't have been something you ate. You haven't eaten much at all today, even at breakfast." James replied, quietly.
"Then it's something I ate yesterday." Remus replied testily. Fighting an overwhelming nausea that always seemed to come before a transformation, he bid his friends goodnight and headed towards the hospital wing.
He hated lying to his friends, but lying was better than the truth.
The next day, when he woke up in the infirmary, he felt one solid weight on his shins. Looking down, he saw a mop of black hair asleep, and snoring slightly, on his legs. Beside that lump of black hair was Sirius, who was sound asleep in his own uncomfortable hospital chair. Opposite them rested Peter. All three looked exhausted, and Sirius merely muttered `five more minutes' when Remus tried to nudge him awake. Realizing how tired he was, Remus found himself agreeing. Five more minutes of sleep would be nice.
From then on, for several years, the Marauders never had to ask Remus what was wrong. They never really talked about how the others had found out about Remus's condition, (although Remus suspected that James's invisibility cloak may have played a part) and they never talked about what happened during the transformations. They simply walked him to the hospital wing the night before, and showed up the next morning to check up on him.
And somehow, knowing that his friends would be there for him in the morning made the transformation just a little less painful.
* * *
Remus tried to relax, but found it impossible to do. James, Sirius and Remus had all been too busy to walk him to the hospital wing, and he wasn't sure that they'd show up to the wing tomorrow morning either. James had a quidditch match, and Sirius was going with some Ravenclaw girl to it, and Peter had boatloads of homework- it would be selfish for him to expect them there to see him off before every transformation.
Hearing a shuffling noise from the direction of the door, Remus turned and was horrified to see his three best friends enter the small room he always transformed in. Any moment now the transformation would take place; what if he accidentally hurt or killed someone? Worse, what if he changed one of them! He had to warn them.
Fighting the pull of the transformation and the sickening, headpounding feeling that had taken over him, Remus tried to speak. Before he could whisper a warning, Sirius began talking. Focusing on his words, Remus found himself shocked.
"Moony, don't worry about it. Watch. See?" James had transformed into a large stag, tall and proud, with the faint markings of glasses on his face. Peter, next to him, had shrunk into a small, gray rat with a pointy nose and watery eyes.
"We've been working on it for a while, now, and all three of us can hold the transformation all night!" Sirius explained. "Now, you don't have to sit up here alone. We'll be here with you."
Despite his concerns, Remus could help but smile at the thought of all his friends had gone through to support him.
As the transformation hit, Sirius morphed into a large black dog, one that Remus thought suited his friend well.
They didn't leave the shack that first night, and Remus still ached from head to toe the next morning. But with his friends beside him as he fought the instincts that he couldn't control made the transformation hurt just a little less.
* * *
Remus remembered eventually coming to enjoy and anticipate the transformations, always remembering the events of the last one fondly and wondering what would happen during the next one. It was hard, now, to go through with the transformation so alone. Sure, he had Tonks and Harry, but it wasn't the same as having someone to run beside you.
The wolfsbane potion had made transformations a little more bearable, because he'd been able to control himself, but one of the only things that Remus missed about Snape was his ability to make that particular potion- because he had left the Order, the potion had been nearly impossible to come by. Sighing, Remus once again focused on the memories to block out the crippling pain the almost overwhelmed him.
* * *
Remus fidgeted, fighting the urge to growl. It might look a little odd, him sounding like a dog and looking like a human, and he didn't want to scare other people away, but every time he saw Sirius, he wanted to rip his head off of his neck. Ever since the month before, when Sirius had given Remus's secret away to prank Snape, Remus had been torn between feeling hurt, embarrassed, and angry, as well as guilty. He may not like Snape, but Remus knew that had James not gotten to the trunk of the tree in time to pull Snape away, the Slytherin would be dead.
It was even worse now that it was the night of the transformation- he was on edge, as he always was on the night of a full moon, and had a pounding headache and sore throat.
Sirius, who had gained the forgiveness of James and Peter, was seated diagonally from him. Remus gritted his teeth and fought the urge to dive across the turkey that sat on the table and wrap his hands around Sirius's neck.
Given how weak he felt, this probably wouldn't have been a good idea anyway, but that didn't stop Remus from wishing he could.
Instead, he helped himself to a little more corn and then left the table to head to the Hospital Wing. As usual, James and Peter stood up and followed him.
So did Sirius.
He'd begged Remus for forgiveness a hundred times, and although Remus did believe that Sirius genuinely was sorry, he wasn't sure that it would stop the hot-headed Gryffindor from doing something like it again. And it still didn't change the fact that Snape now knew one of Remus's most personal, close-kept secrets, all because of Sirius.
But Sirius followed them all the way to the Hospital Wing, and Remus finally felt he had to say something. "Guys?" He asked, looking and a concerned James and Peter. Reluctantly, James and Peter left, closing the door slowly behind them.
"Look, Peter and might not mind you, but I don't want you anywhere near me. I don't want you to talk to me, I don't want you to suck up to me to try to get me to forgive you, I just want to you leave me alone!" Remus had actually allowed some of the anger he felt towards Sirius to pour into his voice, making the last few words harsh and guttural.
"I've already SAID I'm sorry!" Sirius argued, his voice rising. A few beds into the ward, a patient stirred, but neither boy noticed how loud they were getting.
"And I've already said that I don't want your apology, so you can take it and shove it!" Remus replied.
"Then what do you want, Remus?" Sirius asked. Remus, shocked, realized that Sirius's bright blue eyes looked a little brighter and shinier than usual. "I've been telling you all month, I really didn't mean for it to hurt you. It was stupid, I get it! I should've known it would hurt you, and I should've thought about what could have happened…but I didn't, and I'm really sorry for that."
And with that, Sirius turned and left the Hospital Wing, his words echoing in Remus's ears.
It was only then that Remus realized just how sorry Sirius was. His immediate reaction, which was to go and apologize, was only dampened by the gradually growing headache that he'd had all day.
Madame Pomphrey came out just then and quickly led him down to the shack, where Prongs and Wormtail were waiting for him. As Remus transformed, he regretted that Sirius wasn't there with James and Peter to help him through it.
The three Marauders left the shack to romp through the forest, but for a part of that night the human part of Remus, and even, to an extent, the wolf part of him as well, wished that Sirius had come with them.
He only missed Sirius for part of the night because half-way through their midnight run, two sets of paws joined Remus's, and Padfoot stayed with them for the rest of that night.
* * *
Looking back, Remus had realized that it was incredibly rare that any of the Marauders missed a transformation. It wasn't just that they looked forward to them- it was almost that they needed them. The transformations became one of the only ways to relieve stress throughout the war that waged in the wizarding world.
That same war was back again, and was the reason that Remus had returned to transform at the shack. He was needed in Hogwarts, and he understood why he had to be there, but he didn't necessarily like returning to the memories.
This particular transformation seemed a lot longer and more painful than the others…
The only other time Remus had been sure that someone would miss a transformation had been two nights after Harry's birth, when the Boy-Who-Lived was the Boy-Who-Was-Driving-His-Parents-CRAZY! Little Harry refused to sleep at night, cried unless Peter humiliated himself in some way, and had gotten a hold of James's wand several times, all with disastrous results.
* * *
"It's official!" Sirius had declared, rubbing his head as he entered the Three Broomsticks. The Marauders had been unable to find anywhere other than the shack for Remus to transform, and Dumbledore had allowed them to use it even after they had left school. As a result, the four men had quickly fallen into the habit of meeting up at the same table in the Three Broomsticks once a month for a light meal and a chance to catch up before the transformation.
Now, Sirius slumped down at their table and chugged down the Firewhiskey the Rosmerta offered him, smiling charmingly up at her.
"What's official?" Peter asked, watching Sirius with interest.
Sirius solemnly stared at his other two best friends for a moment before replying with, "James has finally gone over the deep end."
Smirking, Remus took a sip of his Butterbeer- Firewhiskey was too strong before a transformation, and asked, "Why? What's Harry done now?"
Grinning, Sirius launched into a tale about how Harry had once again gotten a hold of James's wand. This time, though, he had managed to destroy every type of plumbing in the house, flooding a good deal of the basement, before Lily had managed to pry his fingers from around the piece of wood.
"If James doesn't start keeping better track of his wand, he won't have a house anymore." Peter said, smirking. Remus, too, had to smile at his friend's predicament.
Sadly, he admitted to himself the even he probably wouldn't opt to come to a transformation for one of his friends after going through something like Harry all day.
That was why all three of them were surprised to see James head towards their table, running a hand through his messier-than-usual hair. When he noticed their expressions, he smiled. "What?"
"Well…shouldn't you be at home? I mean, doesn't Lily need you?" Remus asked. James laughed and threw himself down on the seat beside Sirius. Gesturing for Rosemerta to get him a drink, James replied,
"She basically told me to go away before Harry sets the house on fire." He replied, grinning.
"But…aren't you tired?" Peter asked. "I mean, it's not that we don't want you here, it's just that we didn't expect you to come." Remus studied James's exhausted face, and realized that tonight would probably be as rough on his friend as it was on him.
"I really need this." James replied, shrugging and cracking his neck. "Besides, wouldn't be able to sleep with that baby crying all the time anyways." He looked directly at Remus, as thought trying to tell Remus that he meant every word when he said, "There's really nowhere I'd rather be at the moment."
* * *
As the memory of that night faded, so did the pain of the transformation, and Remus's human thoughts. Because of the hurt he was feeling as a human, and all of the painful memories he was experiencing, he began looking for a way out of the shack, desperate to get out.
Alone, hurt, and confused, the werewolf restlessly ran through the beaten up and deserted shack, unable to sit still. It was amazing that the memories that had once comforted him so much during transformations now only hurt him.
And as Moony bit at himself again and again, a comforting presence surrounded him. Unsure, he looked up, excited when he saw his pack mates surround him again. Padfoot nudged him comfortingly, and Prongs gently led him down the hall, where the three left the shack and romped through the forbidden forest for the remainder of the night.
The next morning, Tonks helped Remus out of the shack and onto a stretcher, to get him up to the school. Despite his injuries, Remus looked much more peaceful than usual, calm and relaxed.
When she turned to ask him about it, she noticed animal paw prints in the snow. One set obviously belonged to a large canine, and Tonks was pretty sure she knew who. The other sets of prints beside the first were in the shape of a deer and another dog.
Shaking her head, Tonks headed up the hills to Hogwarts, deciding not to ask. She really wasn't sure it was something she ought to know.
And behind her, in the snow, three paw prints disappeared with the wind.
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