Hermione Granger should have been concentrating on the conversation going on around her. Ron and Ginny were having a heated discussion about the Quidditch World Cup, and while she usually would have been mediating or teasing Ron about his obsession, she was gazing at a spot on the far wall, although not really seeing it.
Harry had been gone for three weeks and she had never known it was possible to miss someone so much. The first two months after the end of the war had dragged on, and it seemed as if every day was spent in and out of St Mungo's where they had held vigil over friends and strangers, all those injured in the fighting. Harry had been exhausted, yet focused on watching over them all, seemingly oblivious to the celebrations sweeping the country because of him. He had fulfilled his destiny, but Hermione knew that it wouldn't be over for him until the fate of those lying in hospital beds was decided. He had always felt guilt for everyone injured in battle and he agonised over those who had lost their lives.
When Remus was at last declared to be stable, Hermione had watched as Harry's shoulders had sagged with relief. She had put her hand on his arm and been rewarded with a tight hug, his arms wrapped securely around her waist, his face buried in her hair. They stood hugging one another, as Tonks was allowed back in to the hospital room to see her fiancée, neither saying a word. Ron was at The Burrow resting, and being fed more than Hermione had known was possible by his relieved mother after he had woken two days after the battle. After several minutes Harry broke the silence, pulling back a little to see his friends face.
"Hermione…I…"
"What is it Harry?"
"Everyone's stable now and…"
"You're not?" She asked softly.
Harry looked at her half smiling, knowing she understood him and nodded sadly. A tear slipped down her cheek.
"You're leaving aren't you?" She whispered, unable to meet his intense gaze.
"I'm sorry `Mione - I wish I could stay. But I think I need to figure this out by myself for once. Please don't think I'm rejecting…"
Hermione cut him off at this point.
"It's ok Harry. I know this is about you, not me or Ron, but…that doesn't make it any easier." She said, crying silently. "You'd better promise to come back. Or I'll track you down Harry."
"I promise, and I promise I'll be in touch. I'll send you postcards so you know where I am, and that I'm ok."
Hermione nodded, and Harry kissed her forehead gently before stepping backwards.
She watched him, taking in the details, not knowing when she would next see him.
"I'll explain to the others." She said with a half smile.
"Thanks `Mione" Harry replied, clearly relieved. "I'll see you soon. I promise."
She closed her eyes slowly, and on hearing the distinctive popping sound of someone apparating from a building only Harry could apparate from she opened them to take in the space before her where he had stood only seconds before. She sighed and took a seat once more on an uncomfortable hospital chair.
That had been three weeks ago now, and while Harry had kept his promise and sent her a postcard every few days she was still miserable. Ron was back to 100% which she was thrilled about, and he was revelling in his new status as war hero, almost as much as he was enjoying following Luna around like a lovesick puppy. Ginny seemed to have had a weight lifted off her shoulders now her family were safe and well once more, and was the life and soul of every gathering, now much less shy about her humour and femininity as she previously had been with all her brothers. Remus was now safely at home with Tonks at Grimmauld Place though still recovering very slowly, it was heart warming to see the couple together without constant fear and worry. It seemed to have done them the world of good, she had never heard Remus laugh so much, and Tonks appeared to be less clumsy. It was just Hermione who was in limbo. She knew Harry had gone away to figure out what he should do now, but in typically male fashion he hadn't bothered to think that by going away she was unable to figure out what to do next. There were so many different offers and opportunities, and right now she couldn't care less about any of them. There were always going to be downsides to being in love with your oblivious best friend. In the back of her mind she'd hoped he'd just figure it out once the weight of the Wizarding world had been lifted from his shoulders, but this was Harry and she should have known better.
She had told everyone that she'd insisted Harry take a holiday, and had sent him off with instructions not to come back until he'd relaxed. A lie that saved everyone's feelings except her own, everyone had nodded and smiled saying that if anyone deserved a holiday it was Harry, a fact she knew all too well, and she felt guilty for begrudging him this chance to sort his mind out and let his body rest.
Hermione dragged her mind back to the present and grinned to see that Ron and Ginny's disagreement over Quidditch selections for the World Cup had degenerated into arm wrestling. She laughed softly before breaking up the battle between the laughing siblings. Ron left soon after to meet Luna for dinner, giving both girls big hugs before half running out the door. Hermione and Ginny grinned after him, before relocating from the kitchen of Hermione's flat to the comfortable sofas in the living room. Hermione had bought the flat the day after Harry had left, intending it to be a place for her, Ron and Harry to live. Grimmauld Place was Remus and Tonks' home now, and Hermione knew Harry would never want to permanently live somewhere which for him would always hold memories of those lost. In reality it seemed that Ron might end up moving in with Luna if her instincts were correct, and with Harry away Hermione found that although she enjoyed having time to herself and her own space, this too was on hold in her mind, she wouldn't truly enjoy her flat until Harry was back.
Hermione and Ginny sat chatting, Ginny noticing her friends gaze returning to the open window every few minutes. She paused, and smiled sadly.
"When did you last hear from Harry?" She asked.
"A few days ago, he's been learning to surf, even on holiday he has to be doing some kind of sport." She said with a wry grin.
"He's not really on holiday is he?" Ginny asked softly, suddenly understanding why her friend had been so distant over the last few weeks. Hermione looked up at her in surprise.
"No, not really. He needed to get away, he just waited until he knew that everyone was ok." Hermione said sadly.
"Do you think he'll be ok?" Ginny asked.
"In time…I just don't know how much time he's going to need."
"And in the meantime you're stuck waiting for him to figure out that what he needs has been here the whole time." Ginny observed with a smile. Hermione's eyes widened and she laughed softly.
"I'd forgotten how well you can read me Gin. Is it obvious?"
"Not to anyone else, except maybe Remus. It's obvious that you're the best thing to happen to him, and I know from how you've been over the last few weeks that you've had to put all your plans on hold until you know what he's going to do."
Hermione nodded at Ginny's observation.
"Gin…what do I do if he doesn't see it? What if he figures out what he wants and it isn't me? I'll have to support whatever he chooses, I wouldn't be his friend if I did anything else - he deserves to have whatever he wants…but I think over time it would destroy me." Hermione allowed herself to cry for the first time since Harry had left, her biggest fear finally voiced. Ginny moved to sit next to her friend, an arm around her shoulders.
"We'll figure everything out as it happens Herms - we always do. And if it helps, I always knew that Harry and I were never going to work out, even before Dumbledore died. In the long term he and I never fit the way you and he fit together. I could see in his eyes that he would always come back to you. It was you and Ron he took on the search for the horcruxes Herms. You know it had to be three of you. You have a greater bond with him than anyone, and you're the most important in his life. One day he'll tell you that, but you know Harry, he's rubbish with girls!" Ginny grinned. "I'm going to trust my instincts on this one, and as they've saved my life several times I think they're pretty trustworthy, and every one of them tells me that Harry will see what we see one day."
"Thanks Gin. Now, back to the reason you were here - what are you going to wear for your date with Neville tonight?" Ginny grinned and the girls were soon mentally analysing both of their wardrobes to come up with the perfect first date outfit.
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