They say that love hurts, a lot. And it does, a lot. Every day I am with him, I love him. Every day I am not with him, I love him and I miss him and I realize that it is one more day together until we part for good. We were never meant to be. I always knew that. Even before, I knew. We were destined for different lives. He will eventually marry a nice, beautiful girl, someone who will not be me. She will not be a bookworm. She will not have my hair or my intellect. He will say to her what he has said to me so many, so many times. God, you are so hot. You are amazing. Never forget that I want you so much. Thank you, for listening, for always being there for me. I love you. We were never meant to last. I knew that coming in. I knew that. And I leapt anyways. It was the best mistake I ever made.Â
We were never meant to be. But it still hurts, does it not? Yes, it does. He has made me cry more than any other boy has made me cry. Tears of joy, tears of worry, tears of sympathy, tears of hurt, tears of birth, tears of death; yes, he has made me cry them all. He has made me love more than any other boy has made me love. I can drown in his eyes. I have never drowned in anyone’s eyes before. When I think about his leaving, my heart constricts. When I think about his leaving, me heart cracks. Bit by bit, the crevasses widen. This must be what heartbreak feels like. My heart is breaking into tiny bits. He has no idea.
He tells me he loves me, but he has no idea how much I love him. His words bring tears to my eyes, like I knew they would. I cannot see the page in front of me as I write because the tears in my eyes blur the words in my heart. My fingers move on their own accord. He has to leave. I know that. He is not leaving because of me. But he is not staying because of me. I would never ask him to stay because of me because I cannot. I love him too much. I never thought I would say that.
They say that first love is the hardest, that first love can never be forgotten. I will never forget him. I have never gotten close to anyone because I did not want him to get hurt. Or rather, I did not want to get hurt. He breaks my heart every day I am with him. He breaks my heart every time I hear his voice. Yet, I cannot break up with him, because if I do, I will break my own heart at the same time.
I am selfish. I know I am. I am selfish because I do not want him to go. I want him to stay, but I cannot tell him that. I love him too much. I will never forget him. I will always love him.
They say that love hurts, a lot. It does, a lot.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, it was never yours in the first place.
I love you, Harry.